Friday 12/16/05 --Canada; Monday 12/19/05--USA
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Proofread by Jodi
Guard: So? I asked you a question.
Mrs. Wallace: Did you, sugar?
Guard: Yeah. The show's not over yet, so, I repeat, where do you two ladies think you're going?
Norma: Nowhere. What makes you think we're going anywhere?
Guard: All right. Turn around like good girls and watch the rest of the show.
Mrs. Wallace: You had to sing your stupid song to Daddy.
Norma: [As Daddy] She called your song to me stupid, buttercup.
[Normal voice] Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. Edna, tell Daddy you're sorry.
Mrs. Wallace: I'm sorry, Daddy. Now we're never going to get out of here so you can kill Tabitha.
Norma: Oh, yes, we will. It's Christmas, and I deserve a present. That witch is going to die.
Tabitha: No, no, no. This is not something to applaud. Don't you understand? If this goody two-shoes spell works, the boys in the basement are going to be livid. Look, they're already showing signs of displeasure. Oh, I hate to think what they'll do if that spell gets Fox and Kay back together. Oh, damn Kay for talking me into this. If this spell overturns the spell that I cast to make Fox and Kay fall out of love, then I truly fear the havoc that the boys below will rain down on us.
Ivy: Fox, look, I know this isn't something you want to hear, but, sweetheart, from what you've told me, it sounds like Kay has decided it's over between you.
Fox: No. No, I'm not going to believe that. I know she's insecure about our relationship, I know she thinks I have a thing going on with Valerie, but I don't. I love her, Mom. There's got to be a way I can fix this.
Ivy's voice: Not if I can help it. I lost Ethan because of that maniac Theresa. I won't allow the wrong woman to destroy you.
Sam: Honey, what is it? Is it about you and Fox?
Kay: I'm losing him, Dad. I love him so much, but I'm afraid that we're never going to work out now.
Sam: Yeah, he told me you guys were having a problem.
Kay: Yeah, and it's all my fault. And Fox -- he's the man I love. I love him so much and I know that we could be so happy together. I just -- I can't lose him, Dad. I can't.
Geoff: Look, will you forget about the slashed tire and let's get out of here? I don't want to end up on Alistair Crane's hit list.
Dan: Geoff, there are two cars here and somebody slashed the tires on both of them, and now we find deep tracks under the snow, which indicates either a truck or some other heavy vehicle was up here. What was it doing here, and who slashed those tires?
Geoff: Look, I don't know and I don't care. Fancy Crane showed us her I.D. and she told us that she didn't want her grandfather knowing that her boyfriend was up here, end of story. Let's go, Dan.
Dan: No, uh-uh, not until I get some answers.
Noah: Fancy, come on, there is no reason to hit Theresa.
Fancy: I disagree. Somebody should beat the hell out of her.
Theresa: Look, I just thought you were trying to help me when you lied to the police.
Fancy: Help you? You are the reason Ethan is lying in the next room in a coma. I wasn't helping you. I'm just trying to give Ethan the chance to live, to maybe come out of this coma.
Noah: That is exactly why Theresa kidnapped him, all right, and why I helped her. Look, if we all agree here, I don't understand why you're so angry with her.
Fancy: Because all of this is her fault! I will never forgive you for what you did to Ethan, you stupid, stupid bitch!
Theresa: Oh, God.
Guard: Come on, ladies. Please find some seats. I'm in no mood to go chasing after you two tonight.
Mrs. Wallace: What makes you think we were trying to escape?
Guard: Norma here tries to fly the coop around Christmastime every year. I have orders to keep my eye on her.
Norma: I wouldn't dream of leaving in the middle of the show, sweet cheeks. We were just going off to get Edna's costume, weren't we, Edna?
Mrs. Wallace: Huh?
Norma: You know, for your number. Your public awaits.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh. Yeah, of course, my number. You're right, we were just going to go get my costume.
Guard: Oh, yeah?
Mrs. Wallace: Mm-hmm.
Guard: And what act are you planning to do?
Mrs. Wallace: Well, um -- hey, boy, you know, certainly you don't want me to spoil the surprise, now, do you? But I can guarantee you it is going to be a showstopper, honey. You'll see.
Guard: Ok. If you need your costume, I'll send somebody to your room to get it.
Mrs. Wallace: No, no. See, because I just remembered -- duh -- I left all my stuff backstage.
Guard: Whatever. Just don't try to leave this room.
Mrs. Wallace: Mm-hmm. So, you had to do it, didn't you? Had to sing your song, had to be in the spotlight. Now our window of opportunity to escape has just been slammed shut!
Norma: Not if you do what I tell you.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, oh. What do I have to do?
Norma: Your act. When that guard's distracted, I'll grab his keys.
Mrs. Wallace: My act, hmm? I don't have an act!
Norma: Get one. Something to distract the guard.
Mrs. Wallace: What? You walk around with your daddy's skull and nobody blinks!
Norma: I don't care what you do, so long as it's outrageous enough to distract the guard so I can grab his keys. You got me, Edna? Or do I have to ax you again?
Mrs. Wallace: Ok, ok, I heard you the first time. I'll -- I'll think of something.
Tabitha: "Cupids and cherubs, go back to your cloud. Take your arrows and flowers away from this house." Or something. Oh, what's the use? I don't seem to be able to come up with anything to stop this spell from happening. Endora? Endora, I don't need this stress right now. Oh, and those bloody mortals are gearing up for Christmas again. And you know what that means, don't you? No. No, not Santa -- Norma. That crazy Norma always comes after me at this time of year. She's already called to warn me. And this year she's teamed up with loony tunes Edna to aid and abet her. Oh, I have got to stop this spell from happening, Christmas or not.
Tabitha: There. Did you hear that, Endora? They are very displeased.
Tabitha: Yes, I know, I know, my little witchling. I know you want Fox and Kay to be together, but we -- we can't let this spell happen, Endora, or Mommy's going to get into very deep trouble with the boys down below. Don't you understand?
Sam: Sweetheart, listen -- look, tell me what happened. Why do you think it's over between you and Fox?
Kay: Because I'm such a moron, Dad. I wanted to be alone with Fox, and I've been so jealous of Valerie because she's been working with him more than I have lately, so I took the phone off the hook and I switched his cell phone ringer to silent, just because I didn't want anyone to interrupt us.
Sam: Well, I mean, that doesn't seem so bad.
Kay: Yeah, well, it would've been fine, except that there was this huge crisis at work and Valerie couldn't get a hold of him. So she ran over to the house to tell him all about it and he ended up leaving with her to go back to the office and she helped him save the Singapore deal.
Sam: So you think he's falling for Valerie because she helped him at work?
Kay: No, it's not just that. I thought that I saw them kissing and I went crazy. And, I don't know, I just went back to the office. I made a complete fool of myself. I started yelling at both of them. It was -- it was crazy.
Sam: Wait a minute. What makes you think that they were kissing?
Kay: Well, I didn't actually see them kissing. I just imagined it. But it doesn't matter now because it's over and I blew it.
Sam: Well, what did Fox say about all this?
Kay: He was really mad at first because I turned off his phone, and I can't blame him.
Sam: You said "at first." So he's not angry with you anymore?
Kay: That's not the point, Dad. I can't keep screwing up and expecting him just to forgive me. I love him so much, but it seems like that all I do is cause him problems. That's why I have to break up with him, and it hurts so much.
Sam: Come here.
Fox: I don't even understand why Kay would feel like it's over between us, you know? I yelled at her for taking the phone off the hook. I told her I was sorry. She said she understood and -- I don't understand why she'd want to break it off.
Ivy: Well, maybe the phone call was just an excuse.
Fox: An excuse? Wait, I don't -- what are you saying, that she's trying to come up with a reason to break up with me? Is that what you're saying?
Ivy: You know, you said she was insecure about your relationship with Valerie.
Fox: No, no, no, my relationship with Valerie is work-related. I would never cheat on Kay, and she knows that.
Ivy: Does she, Fox? Think about it. Kay has had a really tough time. I mean, the first boy she loves, Miguel, gets her pregnant, and then he goes chasing off after Charity. Her own mother left her to go off with another man. You know, I'm no shrink, honey, but to have people you love betray you like that? Wow, that would leave some really deep emotional scars. Maybe deep down, Kay is just not able to commit to you.
Fox: No. No, no, no. No, we talked about our future. She said she's all in.
Ivy: Then why would she break up with you so easily?
Fox: I don't know. The only thing I know is she makes me happy, Mom, she makes me happy.
Ivy: I know, Fox. I do. And that's why I really did want it to work out with you and Kay. But, honey, the kind of deep emotional issues that Kay is dealing with? They -- they could take years to resolve.
Fox: Yeah, well, fine, I'll be there for her. I'll go through -- I'll go through it with her.
Ivy: Yeah. I know you think you want to, honey, I know that, but you have so much on your plate right now. And it's not going to get easier if you really, really want Alistair to hand the company over to you someday. Do you really think that you have the time and the energy to devote to Crane, to Kay, and to all of her emotional problems?
Noah: Fancy, that is enough, all right? This isn't going to accomplish anything.
Fancy: Oh, no? I feel a whole lot better.
Theresa: Look, Fancy, I will never forgive myself for what happened to Ethan, but what happened was an accident.
Fancy: Right. You tried to murder my grandfather, not Ethan. Ethan just had the bad luck to get in your way.
Theresa: I was out of my mind when I poisoned that guacamole.
Fancy: "Was"? You are completely certifiable, Theresa.
Noah: Fancy, all right, just stop, ok? She feels bad enough already.
Fancy: She feels bad? What about Ethan? He's lying in there in a coma because of her.
Noah: Fancy, it was a horrible, tragic accident, all right, but that's all it was -- an accident.
Fancy: This woman is a walking nightmare, Noah. She brings death and destruction wherever she goes. And what ever made you think you had the right to play God?
Theresa: I wasn't trying to play God.
Fancy: Oh, then what do you call it? You decided to take one man's life and now you've decided it's up to you to save another's. Just who the hell do you think you are?
Sam: Honey, listen to me, you and Fox are new together, ok? You're bound to have these problems, ok? All young couples do.
Kay: Do they, Dad? I mean, do all young couples have problems like Valerie? Because I'm sure that she is trying to sabotage me at Crane Industries. She wants Fox to fire me. She wants me to look bad.
Sam: Listen to me, Kay, I don't know Valerie, all right, I don't know what she's up to, but I do know this -- he doesn't care for her, he cares for you, ok?
Kay: How do you know that, Dad?
Sam: Because he's in the kitchen right now pouring his heart out to his mom, talking about you.
Kay: He is?
Sam: Yeah, I mean, he was upset when he got over here, but I really think he wants to work things out.
Kay: You really think so?
Sam: Yes. Now, why don't you go in there and talk to him, ok, tell him how you feel, because I'm sure you're going to be able to work things out. Ok?
Fox: Ok, look, I don't see why I won't have time for work and to deal with all of Kay's emotional issues -- which, by the way, I think you're blowing out of proportion.
Fox: Oh, yes. Yes, I know she's had a rough time of it with her mom abandoning the family and all, but I think, all things considered, she's handled it rather well.
Ivy: Do you?
Fox: I do. Yes, I do. I mean, Kay is strong, she's smart, she's levelheaded, and this thing she's going through, whatever it is, it's, you know -- well, it's temporary.
Ivy: I hope for your sake you're right.
Fox: Mom? Are you trying to get me to break up with Kay?
Ivy: Fox, all I want is for you to be happy. And if Kay is the girl you choose, then I'll be happy.
Fox: Right. Kay's the girl I choose.
Ivy: You know, it wasn't that long ago that you chose Whitney. You were convinced she was the girl you were going to spend the rest of your life with.
Fox: Yeah, yeah, I know, but things change, right? I had strong feelings for Whitney, but -- I don't know, it's different with Kay, you know?
Ivy: So how do you know it wouldn't be different with somebody else, maybe better?
Fox: I don't really think things could get better, you know?
Ivy: Well, maybe, maybe not, but you and Kay are forced to take this little separation, so why not find out?
Fox: I don't know.
Ivy: Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you come to the country club dance at Christmas? Oh, there will be lots of lovely girls there -- oh, educated, uncomplicated, carefree girls who would like nothing better than to put a smile on your face. And that's all I want, Fox. I just want you to be happy. What do you say?
Noah: Those cops still haven't left.
Theresa: What? Why?
Fancy: Maybe they called in and heard about the A.P.B. on you and your accomplice.
Noah: Oh, God, I hope they don't come in here.
Fancy: I was hoping I scared them off with my threat to call Grandfather.
Theresa: I'm going to go check on Ethan. I just don't want to lose any more time with him just in case they do come back.
Fancy: What? You don't like the way I treated Theresa? Too bad. Maybe if someone had slapped her silly before now this wouldn't have happened.
Noah: No. I was just thinking about how you say you don't believe that love is determined by fate or destiny.
Fancy: Well, I don't. It's Theresa's idiotic theory. It's stupid. It's romantic bunk.
Noah: And yet you just helped destiny move along.
Fancy: What are you talking about?
Noah: Theresa and Ethan. They are still together, just the way that she says they are destined to be. It's all thanks to you.
Man: Ok, ladies and germs, we've got a new addition to the show. And now, doing her own rendition of Gypsy Rose Lee's famous fan dance, put your hands together for Cinnamon Bun!
[Cabaret music plays]
Norma: Good grief, Edna, I said distract the guy, not disgust him.
[As Daddy] I don't know, honey. She's got a certain something.
[Normal voice] Daddy. Oh, well. It's now or never. Daddy, be my lookout. I've got to get those keys to go kill Tabitha.
Tabitha: Oh, there must be a counter spell in here I can use. I have to stop this before it's too late.
Tabitha: Now what?
Tabitha: Well, either I stopped it or, Hades forbid, it worked.
Tabitha: I know, Endora. You want the spell to work because you want to see your half brother Fox happily in love, but that's just not possible right now, darling. Oh. I suppose when Fox and Kay next come face to face, that's when we'll really know if the spell worked or not. Let's just hope it didn't.
Ivy: Well, will you at least think about it, Fox? Will you at least think about meeting other women?
Fox: Mom, look -- ahem -- I know you're worried about me, all right, and I know you want to see me happy, but I don't want to go see other women. I don't want to find any other woman. I'm with the woman that I want to be with. I love Kay. I'm not going to give up on her. I'm going to get her back.
Sam: Sweetheart, if you really think that you messed up with Fox, ok, go in there and tell him how you feel.
Kay: You think he'll forgive me?
Sam: I do.
Sam: I really think he wants to make up with you. And if you both want the same thing, then what's going to stand in the way of your being happy together?
Kay's voice: Magic. Bad magic. And if Tabitha's spell can't fight it, I'll lose him forever.
Theresa: So you're not going to believe this, but Fancy just saved us. She just lied to the police to keep them from finding us. I don't really know why. Your sister hates me. But you know what? I don't care. As long as you're safe. I love you, Ethan, and I'll always love you. God's not going to take you from me. I know he won't. You're going to come through this. You're going to live.
Fancy: You've been around that wacko way too long, Noah. There's no fate involved here, no destiny.
Noah: Ok, then what do you call it?
Fancy: I call it very lucky for both you and Theresa that I followed you up here. But I only bought you a little time. I can see Theresa's destiny, and it involves a prison number on her mug shot.
Noah: Those cops are still out there.
Fancy: They're not going against Grandfather. They'll be gone soon.
Noah: Fancy, look, whatever your reasons are for doing what you did, I am grateful that you decided that Ethan deserves a chance to live.
Fancy: He's my brother. I just couldn't let him go without a fight. I love him too much.
Noah: You know, that's -- that's exactly how I feel about you, Fancy. I love you too much to give you up without a fight, all right? Come on, don't you think that our relationship deserves a second chance, too?
Geoff: Who are you calling?
Dan: Yeah, this is unit six. Yeah, can you patch me through to the Crane mansion?
Geoff: You're calling the Crane mansion?
Dan: Yeah. I just want to talk to one of the Cranes about what's going on at their cabin.
[Cabaret music plays]
Mrs. Wallace: Want to see more, boys?
Mrs. Wallace: Anyone for an encore? Where's that crazy Norma when you need her? Norma! Help me, Norma! Help me, help me!
Tabitha: I know you're upset, Endora, and Kay will be, too, but I can honestly tell her that I've done the best I can.
Tabitha: Oh, Endora. Endora, no, no, no, please! I forbid you. You must stop working on that spell. Do you want to see Mommy melted and turned into a pool of goo, huh? Because that's what's going to happen if we make the boys in the basement any angrier. Oh, dear. There must be a counter spell in this infernal book. If only I could find it.
Fox: Kay, I --
Kay: I was just --
Fox: Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
Kay's voice: He does love me. I can see it in his eyes. Tabitha's new spell must be working.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, yikes! Everyone's a critic! Norma, help me! Help me, help me!
Guard: Oh, now she's done it.
Mrs. Wallace: Desperate times call for desperate measures! Toss me Daddy!
Norma: No. You can't have him.
[As Daddy] Do it, buttercup. You need her help to get Tabitha.
Mrs. Wallace: Do it! Do it or you'll never get to Tabitha!
[Mrs. Wallace barks]
Norma: [Normal voice] Forgive me, Daddy.
Mrs. Wallace: Back! Back or Daddy's going to eat you! Back! Back, you animals! Back, back, back, back, back! Let's go!
Norma: Not till you give me Daddy.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, here, my pleasure. Go. Come on. Come on.
Guard: Stop! Get back here!
Mrs. Wallace: Let's make a run for it! Go, go, go, go, go!
Tabitha: Sweet pea, please, will you stop trying to make that spell work? You're going to make Mommy look very bad with those boys in the basement. What can I do to distract her?
Tabitha: Oh. Oh, thank Hades. The spell has been stopped. Oh, it's a good thing Endora loves the three stooges.
Sam: Kay? Did you have something to say to Fox?
Kay: Yes. I am so sorry.
Fox: No, don't even start. It was actually --
Fox: One sec. It's the office. I got to take this, ok? Yeah? No, no, you're not interrupting anything. What's up?
Kay's voice: That's that. Tabitha couldn't get rid of the old spell. His career is always going to come first. It's over for us.
Noah: What do you say, Fancy?
Fancy: Are you asking me to forget you lied to me?
Noah: Well, yeah. I -- I thought since you saw why I helped Theresa kidnap Ethan that -- I mean, you agreed that it was the right thing to do to give Ethan some time before Gwen pulled the plug.
Fancy: It was a crazy thing to do.
Noah: Maybe it was, all right? But you understand why I did it. I did it because Ethan deserves a chance to live. All right? Don't you think I deserve another chance, too?
Fancy: Just because I think Ethan deserves a second chance doesn't mean I think you do.
Theresa: You've got to fight. Ethan, please? You can fight to come out of this coma. We don't have a lot of time. See, there are cops outside, ok, and eventually Gwen is going to find us and she's going to take you off of life-support. So you've got to come back to me. Come back so that you can live.
Geoff: You know, I got a bad feeling about this one.
Dan: Will you relax? Yeah? Ok, thanks. Yeah, this is Officer Klein. I'd like to speak to one of the Cranes. No one's home except who? Well, I guess she's close enough to the Cranes if she's living there. May I speak with her? Gwen Winthrop's there.
Geoff: Isn't she the wife of the guy they kidnapped from the hospital?
Dan: Yeah, I think so.
Norma: Hurry up, old woman!
Mrs. Wallace: I am trying, I'm trying!
Norma & Mrs. Wallace: Oh!
Guard: Edna, you get back here!
Norma: This way!
Mrs. Wallace: Hurry, hurry!
Mrs. Wallace: I think we lost him.
Mrs. Wallace: I thought for sure we were going to be tarred and feathered. Thank you, angels.
Norma: And thank you, Daddy.
[As daddy] Don't let that smelly old woman ever touch me again!
[Normal voice] Oh, I won't, Daddy.
[As daddy] You know what you have to do now, Norma.
[Normal voice] I know, Daddy. I know. Ah! Kill Tabitha!
Mrs. Wallace: Uh, Normy? Any chance of us, you know, forgetting to kill Tabby and heading for Las Vegas instead, huh? Didn't think so.
Tabitha: Well, if all it takes is a pratfall to stop this nightmare, then I'm happy to oblige. Oh, all night, I've had a feeling that something very bad was coming my way. Well, if this is all it was, then I consider myself lucky.
Tabitha: Oh, no. Absolutely not. Fun's over.
Tabitha: Oh, Endora. Endora, you little demon. Please, please stop it! Stop it right now!
Fox: Wait a minute, wait a minute. He said what? Ok, listen, run those figures by me again, will you?
Sam: Kay, honey, are you all right?
Kay: No. It's over for me and Fox, Dad.
Sam: Kay, Kay, wait.
Ivy: What happened, Sam?
Sam: I don't know.
Fox: All right, fine. All right, bye. Where's Kay?
Ivy: She left.
Fox: She left? Well, I thought she wanted to talk about things. Guess I was wrong, huh? I'm going to go get a drink.
Ivy: I'm so sorry it's not going to work out for them.
Sam: Well, I'm not going to give up on them yet. Wouldn't it be great if we could find a way to get them back together for Christmas? You'll help me, right?
Ivy: Well, of course. Of course I'll help you.
Sam: Thanks. Because I'm sure between the two of us, we can find a way to get Kay and Fox back together.
Ivy's voice: Over my dead body.
Noah: Fancy, I don't understand. Look, I thought since you saw how important it was to keep Ethan alive that you'd realize that I only did what I had to do to help him.
Fancy: I'm glad you did something to help Ethan, but that doesn't solve our problems, Noah.
Noah: "Our problems"?
Fancy: You lied to me, Noah. You didn't trust me enough to tell me what you were doing.
Noah: Look, Fancy, I do trust you, all right, and I was trying to call you to tell you where I was and what I was doing and Theresa -- she thought that you would react just the way that you did, that you would call the police before we got a chance to get Ethan up here safely.
Fancy: If you loved me, you would've told me anyway. You would've made sure I knew exactly what you were doing and why you were doing it. You would've trusted me not to call the police.
Noah: Fancy, come on, I know exactly how you feel about Theresa, all right? I didn't think you'd give me the chance to explain --
Fancy: Which is the same thing as saying you couldn't trust me! You lied to me, Noah. I can't be in a relationship with no trust. I'm sorry, Noah, but it's over. We're through.
Theresa: Ethan? Hear me. Please hear me. You got to try harder. You got to come back to me before Gwen finds you and kills you. Please come back so that you can live. Please.
Dan: Hello, Mrs. Winthrop? Yeah, this is Officer Dan Klein. Oh, no, ma'am, no, I'm sorry, we don't have any news about your husband. Yeah, I would just like to ask you some questions to see if you know what's going on up here at the Crane cabin.
On the Next Passions:
Norma: You're not the real Santa. You're some foul imposter!
Theresa: Oh, God, Ethan's respirator!
Gwen: I just want to get to the cabin and get my husband away from that psycho.
Ivy: I want you to die and never see my son again!
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