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Noah: Knock yourself out. I'll be waiting outside.
Esme: Hmm. That's good to know. I may need some help trying things on later. Coming, Fancy?
Fancy: Uh -- yeah, in a sec. I left something in the limo.
Esme: Well, whatever it is, we'll just buy another one.
Fancy: I just need a minute.
Esme: All right, but hurry up. I don't like shopping alone. As a matter of fact, I don't like doing anything alone. And keep your hands off because I saw him first.
Tabitha: Well, Maria's down for her nap.
Tabitha: No problem. I knew you wanted to spend some quality time with my little girl.
Kay: Oh, she's an angel.
Tabitha: Oh, please, Kay, hush up.
Kay: Oh, you know what I mean. She did me such a huge favor this morning with Valerie. I don't think I'm going to have to worry about her moving in on me with Fox.
Tabitha: Yeah, well, I wouldn't count on her backing off, either. And even if Valerie is a nonissue, it's very unlikely that you and Fox will stay together.
Kay: But he loves me.
Tabitha: Which will count for absolutely nothing in the face of the spell I cast, not to mention the fact that Fox's mother hates your guts. It'll be nothing short of a miracle if you two survive as a couple.
Kay: Well, then a miracle it will be.
Tabitha: Oh, you're living in cuckoo land, Kay. If I were you, I would accept what fate has in store and move on. You and Fox are finita.
[Knock on door]
Fox: Hey. The door was unlocked. I hope you don't mind. I just --
Fox: Let myself in. Hey, Kay, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you, now.
Sam: Sure you want to look at those?
Ivy: I want to remember him the way he -- he was, not the way he is.
Sam: Has there been any news?
Ivy: Not that I know of. Eve was supposed to get some test results back, but she hasn't called.
Sam: I couldn't ask for a better son.
Ivy: Yeah. He is something, isn't he? I know I neglected my other children, but right now I don't regret one minute of the time I spent fussing over Ethan, not at all. He was always -- he was always special.
Sam: You should be proud of him.
Ivy: I know it wasn't fair to the others. I just couldn't help it, you know? I knew he was your son, and every time I looked at him, I saw you. He's so much like you, Sam.
Sam: Well, you raised him. I mean, you should get all the credit in the world for how he turned out.
Ivy: "How he turned out." Ok, how will he turn out, Sam? How will he turn out now that his promise has been snuffed out by Theresa who put enough pills in the guacamole to kill a horse?
Sam: Even you know Theresa intended those pills for Alistair. The fact that Ethan ingested them is a tragic accident.
Ivy: I don't call it an accident, Sam, not when Theresa has made it her life's work to destroy Ethan and Gwen's marriage so she could have him all to herself. No, this was bound to happen sooner or later. Theresa's sick obsession with my son has cost him his life or -- or left him irreversibly brain-damaged.
Sam: Whoa, we don't know if either one of those will come to pass. We have to wait for Eve and the lab results. Let's not look back. Let's look forward at our amazing son's life. Ivy, I have to believe that Ethan is going to pull through this, and so do you, because if we don't, he's lost and so are we.
Gwen: Eve, please. Please just tell me. I need to know if Ethan's ever going to be the way he was again. Look, you don't need to sugarcoat it for me, ok? You just need to tell me in words that I can understand. Please tell me that Ethan is not brain-damaged and he's going to be back to his old self in time. I don't care how long it takes, as long as he recovers. Eve, please tell me that.
Fancy: I still don't believe you. You must have known Esme had hired a car today.
Noah: Esme? What kind of name is that? Forgot who I was talking to. To someone named "Fancy," "Esme" actually sounds kind of normal.
Fancy: You don't have to insult my name.
Noah: Why not when you insult me by accusing me of driving you around in this stretch limo monstrosity on purpose. You know, I got a news flash for you, Fancy, all right -- not everything I do is about you. You know, scratch that. Nothing I do has got anything to do with you.
Fancy: Ok. Then what are you doing here in that ridiculous getup?
Noah: A job is a job, Fancy. Not that I'd expect you to understand that. I forgot, the only worthwhile position in Harmony is working for your sick, homicidal grandfather.
Fancy: At least you wouldn't have to wear that stupid hat.
Noah: All right, I'm not having this conversation. Why don't you go join Erasmus or whatever her name is?
Esme: Fancy, come on. I found the most adorable alligator bag that I'm dying for you to see.
Noah: One can only imagine how the endangered species of the world cower when they see the likes of you two strolling around.
Fancy: Oh, shut up, Mr. Perfect.
Noah: Go on. Come on, you don't want to waste one moment of shopping for your precious necessities.
Esme: Fancy, hurry up. Come on, we'll pretend like we're in Paris and spend tons of money. Nobody does it better than you.
Noah: At least you have the good grace to look embarrassed.
Fancy: You know, you don't know anything about me.
Noah: You know, I know that you and I are very different.
Fancy: Hmm, I won't argue with that.
Noah: Will you be needing anything else, ma'am?
Fancy: Oh. Do not call me "ma'am."
Noah: In the chauffeur's manual, it tells us to refer to our female customers as "miss" or "ma'am." I can't afford any complaints on my first day, not if I want to help my father out with the bills.
Fancy: Well, it's not necessary.
Noah: You know, allow me to get the door for you.
Fancy: Oh, no, no, thank you. I can do it myself.
Kay: Fox, look, I know you're disappointed in me, ok, I know that you demoted me to errand girl because you think that I screwed up that whole Singapore project thing, but --
Fox: Well, you know --
Kay: I swear to you I ran that scan.
Fox: Yeah, no, I know that.
Kay: Fox, I would never be so careless about something that is so crucial to your career.
Kay: The thing is, is that I think that someone deliberately tried to make it look like it was my error, someone who is deliberately out to sabotage me.
Fox: Huh. Well, that's interesting. That's not what I wanted to talk about, though.
Kay: What else have I done wrong?
Fox: No, no, no, you haven't done anything wrong. That's -- that's the thing. I wanted to apologize to you, actually.
Kay: For what?
Fox: Well, you know, for -- for being so hard on you lately. All this pressure that I'm under, all this stress from my grandfather pitting me against Chad, it's gone to my head. I think I've taken it out on you, you know, and -- and I'm sorry about that.
Kay: I just -- I don't understand, because earlier today you were telling me to go get coffee while you were listening to all of Valerie's suggestions.
Fox: You know, I know, I know, and now that I think of it, that seems kind of insensitive. I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen again. So what do you say? Can you forgive me for being such a jerk these past couple of days, maybe cut me some slack?
Kay: Look, there's nothing to forgive, ok? I love you and I completely understand all the pressure you've been under at work.
Fox: You do? No wonder I love you so much.
Tabitha: Oh, it'd be better if he made a clean break with her. It's only going to hurt all the more when it falls apart, piece by piece like Humpty Dumpty.
Fox: Oh! So I have a surprise.
Fox: I'm taking the rest of the day off, which means you don't have to go back to work, either.
Kay: But you have so much to do today.
Fox: Yeah, yeah, all that stuff -- wait till tomorrow, you know? So what do you think? Is it ok if we spend the rest of the day with the girls? You have a problem with that, Tabitha?
Tabitha: Well, I --
Kay: Well, she actually -- she just put Maria down for her nap, and I was going to read to Endora.
Fox: Read to Endora?
Fox: Well, I'll read to Endora. What does she like? What's her favorite?
Tabitha: Well, she's absolutely crazy about fairy tales. Any one of those will do.
Fox: Yeah? You know, some of these are pretty dark, huh?
Tabitha: Are they?
Tabitha: Hadn't really thought about it. I suppose they're not called the Brothers Grimm for nothing.
Fox: Oh, here's one. The beautiful princess gets rescued by her adoring knight. How much do you want to bet they live happily ever after?
Tabitha: Oh, well, they don't all end up that way, Fox.
Kay: Too bad real life isn't that simple.
Fox: Says who?
Kay: Oh, nice try, buddy. Both of our parents' marriages were pfft.
Fox: Yeah, but it doesn't mean that they all go south, ok? We're going to break the mold, you know? We'll do it right.
Tabitha: That's what you think, buster.
Tabitha: Don't you even think about it, you little munchkin.
Tabitha: Now you've done it, Endora.
Kay: Oh, my goodness. Fox, we're in the fairy tale.
Tabitha: Do you have any idea how this particular story ends? I think not.
Eve: The results aren't completely conclusive.
Eve: No test results are. They usually just provide a basis for a course of treatment.
Gwen: Does that mean he's going to get better?
Eve: No, we don't know about that now. What I'd recommend after looking at all of this is -- is additional tests.
Theresa: That's not what you said yesterday. You said these results were supposed to be conclusive.
Gwen: Yeah, but you told me that these tests were supposed to determine the likelihood of Ethan's recovery. I mean, you told me that last night.
Eve: Well, that's what I was hoping. You know, but we doctors, we don't know everything, you know, especially when it comes to brain damage.
Gwen: I know that you're holding out on me. My God, Eve, I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from.
Eve: That is why I want to be very certain before I give any kind of definitive diagnosis. I'm going to see the head of neurology and see what she thinks. I imagine that she'll want to start a scan and measure Ethan's brain activity.
Gwen: Eve, I thought that was done when Ethan was first brought in here. What does that test say?
Eve: It's just a jumping-off point, Gwen.
Gwen: No, do not give me the doctor's runaround. I am Ethan's wife and I deserve to know what's going on.
Eve: Gwen, there's something that we touched upon that needs to be brought back up again.
Gwen: What is that?
Eve: Do you know if Ethan has a living will? Have you been able to check into that?
Gwen: So that's it? That's just it? Ethan's not going to get any better? That's what those tests say?
Sam: I look at his face at 15 or 16 and I see so much of myself there.
Ivy: So do I. You two, you're so much alike, you know? It always amazed me that people couldn't tell right at first glance that he was your son. Sam, I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I denied you and Ethan all those years together. I'll never forgive myself for lying.
Sam: Ivy, don't. One thing I've learned is that regret and self-recrimination don't do anything. The important thing is that Ethan and I know that we're father and son now. We have the rest of our lives to make up for the lost years.
Ivy: I hope so.
Sam: Ivy --
Ivy: No, Sam, what if we lose him? I mean, what if we -- what if we've already lost him? Because I don't think I could bear that.
Sam: I'm not sure I could, either.
Gwen: Eve, you're scaring me. Please just tell me what those test results say.
Eve: Gwen, I'm trying to give you the answers you want, the answers that you deserve.
Gwen: Then why are you beating around the bush?
Eve: Because I don't want to scare you and I don't want to give you false hope. You know, test results -- they're just numbers, honey. They're just statistics in a range that gives you a partial picture of how a patient is doing. They don't tell the whole story. Honey, I would be doing you and Ethan a huge disservice if I were to rush to judgment too quickly.
Gwen: Eve, I've been going out of my mind all night waiting for these test results, and you -- you led me to believe yesterday that these test results would at least be somewhat conclusive.
Eve: And I am telling you that they are, to a point. I'm sorry, Gwen, that's -- that's all I can give you right now.
Gwen: Ok. Ok, so Ethan needs more tests, but I still want to know what those results say about his condition.
Eve: Honey, these are not going to mean very much to you.
Gwen: Listen, try me. Try me, ok, because I've been doing research on the causes and effects of various degrees of brain damage since this happened. I know more than you think.
Eve: This is going to just -- Gwen, Gwen --
Gwen: Oh, my God, Eve. No wonder you didn't want me to see these, because it's going to take a miracle for Ethan to recover.
Clerk: Are you sure you don't want to try these on?
Esme: No, I'll just take them. Oh.
Fancy: What if they don't fit?
Esme: Well, then I'll donate them to charity and buy things that do. Fancy, you do not seem in the spirit of our spree. Do you want to go to another store?
Fancy: No, this is fine. I'm just not in the mood.
Esme: Hmm. Well, then you must be coming down with something because that is so not like you.
Esme: Oh. I told you he was hot. But don't get any ideas. I totally saw him first.
Fancy: Who said I was looking at him? I thought I saw someone I knew passing by.
Esme: Oh, right. Well, don't worry. If you really like him, I promise I won't tire him out completely. But I get first dibs.
Fancy: You're sick.
Esme: Oh, sick in love.
Fancy: You're in love with every cute guy you see. That's not love.
Esme: Well, it will do until the real thing comes along. Oh. I'll be right back.
Fancy: Where are you going?
Esme: You'll see. And don't worry, you're going to love it. Oh, driver? I need you in here for a minute.
Tabitha: Well done, my little cronelet. Your first time out and you zapped Fox and Kay right into their very own fairy tale. It looks as if they're about to get married. Oh, dear.
Tabitha: Yeah, it's as I remember. Oh, I'm afraid you've picked the wrong story if you were looking for a "happily ever after" ending. Oh, muttering mugwarts, this is even worse than I thought. You didn't think this through at all, did you, child? No, I don't think so. Oh, we'd better get in there pronto. Although I don't know if there's anything that we can do to alter the course of destiny as it's written.
Tabitha: Well, here we are, Endora, smack in the middle of your fairy tale.
Sam: What a glorious day in our kingdom, Queen Ivy. My daughter Princess Kay is marrying your son Prince Foxworth.
Ivy: Over my dead body.
Father Lonigan: Lacking in sight though I am, the spirit of love permeates the air as we gather together to bless the union of Princess Kay and Prince Foxworth.
Tabitha: How on earth did I ever give birth to such a romantic little soul? Must be your father's side. There's not a hint of lovey-dovey nonsense in my gene pool. Endora, next time you feel compelled to muck about inside a fairy tale, do pick one without a fire-breathing dragon in the next chapter. What, you say? You don't see any fire-breathing dragons here? Check out Queen poison Ivy herself.
Ivy: Forgive me, dear, I left something I want to give Princess Kay in the castle. I won't be long.
Sam: But the wedding's already begun.
Ivy: You can fill me in on what I missed later.
Gwen: My God, Eve, this is worse than I even thought.
Eve: Gwen, these do not tell the whole story.
Gwen: Eve, it's right here in black and white. Ethan is -- there's no brain activity. When were you going to tell me? When were you going to tell me that my husband is brain-dead?
Eve: I am not giving up, and neither should you.
Gwen: Yeah, you may believe in miracles, but after losing my two babies, I really don't think that God is interested in me or my happiness anymore. You know, my Sarah is gone, my unborn son is gone, and now Ethan is gone, too?
Eve: That's why I didn't want to show you these results. Honey, these results are from tests that were done yesterday, last night. Any number of things could've changed since then.
Gwen: Eve, if there's no brain activity --
Eve: As of last night, not today.
Gwen: Look, I know you're just trying to make me feel better.
Eve: No, I wouldn't do that. Because it's possible and it's probable that we run the tests, we'll get the same results. But until then, we really don't know.
Gwen: That's why you kept asking about the living will, right? Because you don't think Ethan is going to get better. You think he's going to lie there staring into space the rest of his life, hmm?
Gwen: Oh, Theresa, what the hell are you doing here?
Noah: Is there something I can do for you, miss?
Esme: Well, as a matter of fact, there is. Now, I have found the most sumptuous pair of men's lounging pajamas, and I wanted to buy them for a friend of mine, but I don't know his size, and you seem to be of the same build, so I was thinking that perhaps you could try them on and then I could see how they fit.
Fancy: Oh, for crying out loud, Esme.
Noah: I'd be glad to.
Esme: Hmm, what a sweetheart.
Esme: Well, do you have anything you'd like Noah to try on, Fancy? I mean, while he's in the dressing room, we really should take advantage.
Fancy: No. No, thanks.
Esme: What is wrong with you? We could have so much fun with him. Oh, do you remember that adorable cabana boy in St. Barts? You had him so busy lathering you with lotion and peeling grapes that we had to find him another job because he got fired.
Fancy: Noah's not like that.
Esme: What? You sound like you know him.
Fancy: I mean, it seems like he's not like that.
Esme: Well, then I like him even more. There's nothing like the challenge of a real man to get me going.
Esme: Hmm. Very, very nice.
Noah: I'm glad you like them.
Esme: "Them"? Oh, right, them. I like them very, very much. And the fit is -- well, the fit is just how I like them to fit. Do you like them, Noah?
Noah: You have excellent taste in pajamas, miss.
Esme: Oh, please, call me Esme. And I have excellent taste in more than just pajamas.
Fox: Thou art everything to me, my beautiful Princess Kay -- the sun, the moon, the stars.
Tabitha: For crying out loud, is he going to personally thank every speck of sand in the universe?
Kay: Your love for me could be no more than mine for you, my dear starling. Suddenly, it is so dark.
Fox: Hmm. I do not see any storm clouds.
Tabitha: You'll wish that's all it was.
Fox: Never mind, Friar. Let us complete the ceremony.
Father Lonigan: Of course. Ahem. Now, where was I?
Sam: How strange. And whatever happened to Queen Ivy? She's been gone far too long.
Father Lonigan: Heaven above, what is it?
Fox: My own eyes must deceive me, Friar. It cannot be what it seems.
Father Lonigan: I'm blind as a bat, dear boy. Spell it out for me!
Fox: It is something enormous, something evil! Something I've only heard tell that is said to live in the forest primeval.
Father Lonigan: Not the dragon!
Fox: Yes, Friar, a creature of such proportions as I have never seen. It appears to wish us harm. I must protect my Kay. Kay? Kay, are you all right?
Kay: I can't see you, Foxworth! The flames are too high! Oh, no, it's coming my way!
Fox: Kay! My Kay! Whatever you do, don't go into the forest! Oh, my God, my darling Kay!
Sam: Save her, Prince Foxworth! Don't let the dragon take my daughter!
Fox: Never fear, Sire. I would give my life for that of your daughter. I shall bring her back to you safe and sound.
Tabitha: What the heck does he think he's going to accomplish on foot? The lad needs all the help he can get.
Fox: Never fear, my beloved! I am coming to your rescue!
Gwen: This isn't happening. How dare you spy on me with Eve.
Eve: Oh, for God's sake, Theresa.
Gwen: Who the hell do you think you are eavesdropping on the most important moment in my life?
Theresa: I asked Dr. Russell if I could hear the test results, Gwen, and she said that I couldn't, but I had to know how Ethan was doing.
Gwen: You get out of here. You of all people have no right to know what is going on with my Ethan! He is here because of you and you alone!
Theresa: Look, it was an accident, Gwen. You have to know that it was an accident. I love Ethan and I would never, ever hurt him.
Gwen: You know what, Theresa, shut up! Just shut up! You take your sick love for my husband and you get the hell out of here! You go find a church and you beg for forgiveness!
Theresa: I never meant for this to happen.
Gwen: You know what, that doesn't cut it! It never did, and it most certainly doesn't now! If you haven't literally stolen the last breath out of his body, you've done one thing worse -- you have stolen his mind, Theresa! Because of you, he may never see again, love again, laugh again, live again! Get the hell out of here! Get out of the hospital and don't you dare come near my husband again!
Theresa: I'm not leaving. I have as much right to be here for Ethan as you do.
Ivy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all the tears. I --
Sam: Hey, don't be silly. I'm as worried as you are about Ethan. I think I got a handkerchief around here somewhere.
Sam: Here you go.
Ivy: Thank you.
Ivy: What is it?
Sam: I had some plans before everything that happened to Ethan. Maybe they should wait. Or maybe right now is the perfect time.
Ivy: I'm sorry, Sam, I don't understand.
Sam: Let's just say that life has been teaching me a lot of things lately. And the main one is that it's a mistake to put things off. We have to seize our moments since we never know how many we're going to have. Ivy, there's something that I have to ask you.
Esme: I know, I was amazed, too. Who would've thought there was one decent store in Fancy's hometown? Well, yes, but she's being a complete bore, if you ask me. Oh, but you should see the men in this town. Our driver? Oh, does the word "hot" mean anything to you?
Fancy: Can you wind that up, Esme?
Esme: See what I mean? I have never known her to be so cranky. Must be from lack of partying. Well, later, Fuff. Oh, I forgot to tip the shop girl. She'll be hanging our discards till closing.
Fancy: I can manage.
Noah: Knock yourself out, but it is my job.
Fancy: Go ahead, Noah, say it.
Noah: What's that?
Fancy: That this is exactly what you would expect of me. That Esme is just the sort of person you think I hang out with. That all I like to do is shop and ride around in limousines.
Noah: Why would I say anything when you're doing such a good job of it yourself?
Fancy: Oh, go suck an egg.
Noah: You're very mature. Did I ever tell you that?
Fancy: What do you call yourself?
Noah: Just a lowly, humble guy trying to make a buck. Not that you'd understand any job that pays less than six figures.
Fancy: I think it's nice that you want to help out your father.
Noah: Right. You know, you've made it very clear that you think I'm nothing but a jerk. You know, what does this matter? The sooner I get you and your friend back to the hotel, the sooner I can go back to my own life.
Esme: I slipped her a 100. I don't even think she's ever seen one before.
Noah: Will you be needing anything else before we return to the hotel, ma'am?
Esme: Hmm. Let me think. Um -- I'm sure I can think of something.
Esme: Oh, I can't believe you're not as interested in Adam as I am.
Esme: Adam. Noah. Whatever. It's not his name that I'm interested in. Ooh, let's see if he's interested in doing a little overtime.
Fancy: I thought you had to get to New York.
Esme: Oh, well, unlike Harmony, New York is open all night. I have a few hours left and I would like to spend them with Noah.
Fancy: I think he's already booked elsewhere.
Esme: Well, let's see about that. Um -- Noah, I'm going to be needing another favor.
Noah: Oh, of course, miss.
Esme: When we get back to the hotel, I'll need you to park the car. I was thinking you could come up to my suite.
Noah: Will that be with just you or the two of you?
Esme: Oh, well, first, I was thinking it would just be you and I, but if Fancy's interested, I can share.
Noah: Whatever you like. I charge by the hour.
Esme: Wonderful. Keep the meter running then.
Noah: It's your dime.
Sam: Things haven't always been easy for us.
Ivy: No. Jessica still despises me. She thinks I'm to blame for all of her problems.
Sam: Which isn't fair. And I know that you and Kay don't always see eye to eye.
Ivy: No. No, we don't.
Sam: But the truth is, Ivy, I love you. And I've come to realize that I haven't been fair to myself or you by refusing to honor it. We lost each other for the wrong reasons years ago, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen again.
Ivy: Sam --
Sam: Look, there will always be obstacles and situations that will threaten to get in the way, but at some point, you have to ignore those because if you don't, you could lose what could be your last chance for happiness.
Ivy: Sam, are you saying what I think you're saying?
Sam: If you're thinking that I'm saying that God's given us a second chance, that I want to make the most of it, and that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, then, yes, that's what I'm saying. Ivy, will you marry me?
Ivy: Sam --
Sam: Is that a yes or a no?
Ivy: I -- if you'd known how long I wanted this and -- and how long I've dreamed about this -- oh. Of course I'll marry you. Of course I will. Of course I will.
Kay: Ah! You look just like Queen Ivy of Crane! Oh, my God, that's who you are!
Ivy: I warned you, Kay of Bennett. I warned you to stay away from my royal progeny. But would you listen? Oh, no, not you, and now you'll pay the price.
Fox: Lady Kay, where are you? Good Galahad. I've got to rescue my damsel in distress.
Tabitha: I know you want to help Fox and Kay, but there's no point. Our witchly powers are useless when it comes to dragon smiting. I told you, she's impervious to our dark charms. I'm afraid our friend Kay is what they call toast.
Kay: Ah! Let me go, let me go!
Ivy: In your dreams!
Kay: Fox! Fox, please help me!
Gwen: What part of "get out" do you not understand?
Theresa: Gwen, I'm not leaving.
Gwen: Get off!
Eve: That's enough, that's enough. This is not helping Ethan.
Gwen: You know, I'm at my wits' end here!
Theresa: And I'm not, Gwen?
Gwen: Are you kidding me?
Eve: You should not be fighting each other. What you need to do is be preparing yourself for every eventuality.
Theresa: And what does that mean, Dr. Russell?
Gwen: You know what, get out of here! Stay out of this! My husband does not concern you!
Eve: Gwen, I need you to be thinking clearly. Now, we're going to do some more tests on Ethan, like I said, and there is a possibility that the first battery missed something, but in the meanwhile, I still need to know if Ethan has a living will. We have to have it on file.
Gwen: Well, you wouldn't be asking me that if you didn't fear the worst. You don't think Ethan's going to recover, do you?
On the Next Passions:
Noah: Do you still have feelings for me? You wouldn't still be in love with me, would you, Fancy?
Gwen: You are willing to kill Ethan, the man you love!
Fox: Mother, no!
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