Wednesday 10/12/05--Canada; Thursday 10/13/05--USA
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Noah: Ah. Oh, no, this one's on me.
Fancy: What are you doing? Liz will kill you if she knows you're giving away free drinks.
Noah: Hey, look, it's only just one, all right? She's been buying all night. Besides, I'm going to pay for it out of my own pocket.
Noah: Why not? Life is short. I like putting smiles on people's faces.
Fancy: I know you do.
Noah: You know, everybody's talking about that weird thunder that came out of nowhere tonight.
Fancy: What thunder? I thought that was us.
Noah: Oh, bad girl.
Fancy: I don't care what you call me so long as I'm your bad girl. Every single woman in this place is drooling over you. Why'd you pick me out of all of them?
Noah: Maybe because you're the only one who's not drooling. Besides, I have a thing for long shots, if you haven't noticed.
Fancy: Is that all I am to you, a challenge?
Noah: Now, how could someone who is so beautiful, so sexy, so smart, and so funny have such low self-esteem, huh?
Fancy: You really think I'm beautiful?
Noah: Well, it helps that you got a cute dog.
Fancy: Oh, you're bad.
Noah: Makes us a perfect match, huh? Hey, hey, hey. Watch it in front of customers, all right? You're going to cut my tips in half.
Man: Thanks for coming so quickly.
Eve: Of course, but what's this all about? The charges against me were dropped.
Julian: I mean, don't tell me the judge has reversed his decision.
Man: No, nothing like that. Dr. Russell's free and clear of all charges.
Eve: Ok, then what's going on?
Man: We're going ahead with a case against the owner of this joint, your sister, Liz Sanbourne.
Liz: Damn you, Eve! This is all your fault!
Rebecca: Uh -- Gwen? Um -- are you here because of that loud thunderclap a few minutes ago?
Gwen: No, I am here because of a much more threatening force of nature living under the same damn roof as us. Theresa, the little piece of baggage, was supposed to pack her bags tonight and leave this house, but, no, now she's claiming that she's being held here against her will by big, bad Alistair and that he's going to hold little Ethan hostage if she tries to leave.
Alistair: And the problem with that would be?
Gwen: Oh, my God.
Theresa: This can't be in vain. One day I'm going to have Ethan and we'll be the family that we were meant to be.
Theresa: This must have fallen during that intense thunder jolt.
[Knock on door]
Ethan: Theresa, you still up?
Theresa: Ethan? I knew you would come.
Theresa: Are the children ok?
Pilar: Yes, yes, the children are fine, mija. They're sound asleep in their beds.
Theresa: What is it?
Martin: Well, go ahead, Pilar, tell her.
Theresa: God, it's something bad, isn't it? Go ahead, please.
Pilar: It's Luis.
Pilar: Yes, mija. I'm sorry, your brother Luis is dead.
Ethan: Shh, shh, shh.
Theresa: Oh, no.
Dave: Yeah, that's good news. I'll tell her.
Sheridan: What? What's good news?
Dave: I'm sorry it took so long. The thunder made it hard to hear and I wanted to get all the facts before I told you.
Chris: Well, spit if out, man. If you've heard something about Luis, then say it.
Dave: The call was about Luis' body.
Sheridan: They made a mistake with the D.N.A., didn't they? Luis isn't dead after all.
Tabitha's voice: Come on, Kay. I told you we needed Fox to be asleep for this spell to work. You're not helping things here. I don't have all night for this. I'll just have to put him to sleep myself.
Tabitha: Fox be nimble, Fox be quick, Fox go into a sleep that's thick.
Fox: Oh, my gosh.
Kay: Uh -- excuse me? I didn't know I was that boring.
Fox: No, you're not boring. Just I had no idea how tired I was. I'm so sleepy.
Kay: Uh -- um -- hello? Ok, I know I should be insulted right now. Oh, I should've known. You did this.
Tabitha: Well, of course I did, dear -- for you. You asked me to cast a spell that would save Fox from being disenfranchised from the company and the family by his grandfather, and I told you for the spell to take effect he had to be asleep.
Kay: You couldn't have waited another hour?
Tabitha: What, for you and Fox to do push-push again? Really, Kay. You're like two rabbits incessantly coupling.
Kay: You don't have to be so crude, ok? We're in love.
Tabitha: Oh -- love, schmuv. Do you want my help or not?
Kay: Well, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't.
Tabitha: I wish you'd take my advice and succumb totally to the dark side. You know, you could drum up this sort of mojo yourself. You were born with the gift, you know.
Kay: I don't want "the gift," as you call it. If there's going to be any magic performed in this house, let it stay with you and Endora.
Tabitha: Well, you may change your mind about that one day, missy. Sleeping like the dead. Excellent.
Kay: So this spell you're casting -- does it ever fail?
Tabitha: Never. Not unless the person requesting the spell reneges on the contract.
Kay: What contract?
Tabitha: Well, it's not exactly a contract. It's more like a tacit agreement. And as I told you, I can guarantee that Fox is successful at Crane Industries, but there is a very high price to pay, dear -- a very high price, indeed.
Kay: You're already told me that, ok? I don't care. Just cast a spell and make Fox a success in his career, ok?
Tabitha: Ok, Kay. If you say so.
Gwen: How can you let him touch you?
Rebecca: Well, honey, I have needs, too.
Gwen: Oh, forget I came in here. I'm going to try to.
Rebecca: Um -- honey, you had something you wanted to say about Theresa?
Gwen: Just that I hate her. That's it. Hate her.
Alistair: Uh -- Gwen, I just don't understand why you're so shocked that Theresa's had a change of heart tonight. All I did was tell her that she was free to leave the mansion anytime she'd like. The only problem was she wouldn't be able to take little Ethan with her. He's my son now.
Gwen: Ok, that's fine, but why are you punishing everyone else, especially me? I have never done anything to hurt you. Can you please just let her leave with her son? You know, it's the only chance I have to live here with Ethan and Jane in peace.
Alistair: My goodness, you really are paranoid about my new wife, aren't you?
Gwen: Yeah, I am, because she is trying to destroy my marriage. And, you know, if you wanted to, you could help me by letting her leave with her son.
Alistair: No, sorry. I mean, it's nothing personal, but I'd much rather punish those who have betrayed me than to help you in your marriage with that traitor Ethan.
Gwen: Great. I will just talk to you in the morning.
Alistair: No, no, no, Gwen, Gwen, Gwen, stay, stay. I know the two of you want mother-daughter time. And besides, I have other things to attend to.
Gwen: Ugh. You're a selfish bastard.
Alistair: You know, you should be more concerned about the man who's supposed to be in your bed than the one that was in your mother's bed.
Gwen: Mm-hmm. Why are you doing this? I know you know Theresa only married you so she could live under the same roof as Ethan and make another play for him while also trying to steal my daughter.
Alistair: Well, why don't you tell me something I don't already know.
Gwen: You know, you may think you can walk on everyone in this town, but let me tell you something, if you help Theresa try and destroy my future, I am going to fight you. I'm going to fight you every step of the way with everything that I have.
Alistair: Oh, Becky. You've got spirit. Oh, good for you, Gwennie, good for you! But don't ever threaten me. I don't like it.
Ethan: Let it out, it's ok.
Theresa: No. No, not Luis, please. Please say it's not true. Please?
Pilar: Yes, mija, they took D.N.A. samples from your father and me and they matched up with Luis' D.N.A.
Theresa: No, I want to see the body, Mama.
Martin: You can't, at least not yet. He died in Morocco when he was on Beth and Marty's trail. Somehow he got involved in a bar fight.
Theresa: Wow. This isn't fair. First Antonio and now Luis. This is going to kill Sheridan.
Sheridan: That's what they told you on the phone, isn't it? They made a mistake. Luis isn't dead after all.
Dave: No, no, the call was to tell me that Luis' body will be arriving in Harmony in just a little while.
Chris: But we heard you say it was good news.
Dave: I'm sorry if I got your hopes up. It's just that I thought it would take weeks to cut through the red tape to get Luis' body back here. I mean, it was good news that his body would be arriving so soon.
Chris: I'm so sorry, Sheridan.
Sheridan: I thought they made a mistake. He's really dead. Luis is really dead. This isn't a dream. This is all real.
Kay: Would you hurry up before he wakes up and you can't cast a spell?
Tabitha: Shh. I've done all the preliminaries. It's just a matter of setting things in motion. Brought all the ingredients with me. Now, one sliver of owl beak, two possum whiskers, hair of Newton.
Kay: Wait, don't you mean eye of newt? Isn't that what they use in all those witch stories?
Tabitha: I know what I mean and I meant what I said, Kay. I need hair of Newton. Three strands of Wayne Newton's shoe-polish-black hair.
Kay: Wayne Newton? Is that that old guy that sings in Vegas?
Tabitha: He's not that old. You could do worse than catch his act. I tell you, the man's a phenom. He's an infinite source of youthful energy and boundless enthusiasm.
Kay: Wait, Fox isn't going to end up looking like Wayne Newton or anything?
Tabitha: Oh, dear, of course not. Have you ever known me to foul up a spell?
Kay: Like, all the time.
Tabitha: I wouldn't criticize a crone who controls your future if I were you. Now, once more, just so you understand, payment is expected from you, the spell requester, not the object of the spell. Is that clear?
Kay: Yes. You keep asking me that, and I told you I will pay the price as long as it guarantees that Fox will be a success at Crane Industries. It means everything to him and I want him to be happy.
Tabitha: There's still time to reconsider, you know. We've been down this road before.
Kay: You mean when I sold my soul to the devil for Miguel?
Tabitha: That would be the incident, yes.
Kay: Well, I was an immature idiot then. Fox and I are really in love and I would do anything for him.
Tabitha: Then anything it shall be. One thimbleful of mosquito blood.
Officer: You're not going anywhere near her, miss. You're in enough trouble already.
Liz: This is a setup! I never tried to kill anyone.
Man: That's not what Rebecca Crane said in court. She said you were the one who tried to poison Dr. Russell, not the other way around.
Liz: It is a lie, a bald-faced lie. I never had any poison in my purse.
Man: Except for that day in court when we all saw the contents of your bag.
Liz: Well, someone must have put it in my bag when I was in the courtroom. I don't know how you did it, but somehow one -- you or your married lover -- got to Rebecca and bought her off. What'd you bribe her with, Julian?
Julian: I had no idea Rebecca was going to say what she said.
Eve: I didn't, either. Rebecca hates me. I'm as surprised as anyone by what she said in court.
Liz: Oh, yeah, sure you are, Eve. How is it you always manage to come out smelling like a rose when everyone knows that you've been wallowing in a gutter? You know, one of these days it's not going to work. Everyone's going to finally realize that something stinks. I still think that one or both of you bought Rebecca off.
Rebecca: Well, what the paper said was that you are going to honor your commitment to me. And when you sign them, you agreed to stay married to me forever.
Man: Ms. Sanbourne, if I were you, I'd stop talking and call myself a lawyer. Looks like you're going to need one.
Liz: This is outrageous! What, I never did anything to my sister.
Eve: Never did anything to your sister? Your vicious machinations almost cost me my family, my career, my freedom, and you almost got away with it.
Liz: You deserve everything that I cost you and more.
Man: Like I said, you might ought to stop talking until you talk to an attorney downtown.
Liz: My God. You're going to arrest me, aren't you?
Officer: Yes, ma'am. That's exactly why we're here.
Chris: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sheridan.
Sheridan: I knew Luis was dead. They told me that he was dead. They told me that the D.N.A. matched. But I didn't believe it. Not really. I always thought that I would know, that I would feel it. But I didn't. Not until now. Luis is dead and it's all my fault.
Chris: Don't say that.
Sheridan: But it's true. I told him not to come home without Marty, and now it's killed him.
Chris: That doesn't mean it's your fault.
Sheridan: No. Look, I know what I know. There's nothing that you can say that will change my mind.
Dave: I feel for you, man. I know you don't like leaving her in this state.
Chris: She shouldn't be alone right now.
Dave: Maybe not. But you're my job, not her. I've got to get you and your boy out of Harmony before the wrong people realize you're here. We should've been in the air an hour ago.
Chris: Just let me say a proper goodbye to her. She's been through so much.
Dave: She's going to go through a whole lot more if you don't hightail it out of here now. You want her to be mourning the deaths of you and little James, too?
Chris: I don't want to leave her like this.
Dave: If you won't think of your life, think of your son's.
Sheridan: He's right. You've got to get going. I won't let you put your lives in any more danger.
Chris: What about you?
Sheridan: I'll live. I'll get through this. I guess this is really goodbye, then.
Chris: Unless you ride with us to the airport.
Sheridan: That's true, I do have to meet the plane with Luis' --
Chris: You got a problem with that?
Dave: Not if we leave right now.
Sheridan: Well, wait, let me write down where you'll be so I can keep in touch with you and James.
Chris: You got my new cell phone number yet?
Dave: If I did, I couldn't share it with her. You and James are going deep undercover. You know what that means.
Chris: Sheridan can't even contact me? She won't tell anyone where I am.
Dave: You know the rules, Chris. You say goodbye today, you say goodbye for life. She so much as calls you up to talk about the weather, she could be pulling the trigger on you and your son, not to mention herself.
Alistair: At the moment, I'm not interested in you or your future, Gwen. And I got exactly what I wanted out of my marriage to Theresa -- a new heir. So keep your mouth shut and don't get on the bad side of me. Because people who do live to regret it, if they're lucky. If you don't believe me, think of Antonio and Luis.
Gwen: Antonio is dead because of you, but Luis is just fine. He's just not here.
Alistair: Think what you like.
Gwen: Did he do something to Luis?
Rebecca: No, of course not. I mean, he's not nearly the monster everybody thinks he is.
Gwen: How can you stoop so low as to sleep with him?
Rebecca: Honey, it is not exactly unwise to stay on the good side of the lord of the manor.
Gwen: You just have no shame at all, do you?
Rebecca: Enough about me, all right? Now, what is this about Theresa?
Gwen: It's like I told you, you know, she claims that Alistair won't let her leave the house, although -- ha -- we all know she wants to stay here because of Ethan. She's not even denying it anymore.
Rebecca: She said this in front of Ethan?
Gwen: Yeah, and that's not even the worst of it. Because no matter how blatant or transparent she is, Ethan remains completely snowed by her. I can't even tell you how much I hate that bitch.
Ethan: I'm so sorry about your brother.
Theresa: But you -- you don't want to hold me. I understand.
Ethan: Theresa, don't, please.
Theresa: No, it's ok, because I've really done it this time, huh? I mean, you all told me that marrying Alistair was, like, the worst thing that I could do, but I didn't listen.
Martin: No, don't blame yourself, sweetheart. It's Alistair who's to blame.
Theresa: I know he's responsible for Antonio's death.
Martin: Oh, yeah, I would bet that Alistair is directly behind Luis' death. Your brother would not be chasing Beth halfway around the damn world if Alistair hadn't helped kidnap Sheridan's baby. No matter how you cut it, Luis' death is on Alistair's head just as much as Antonio's is.
Theresa: You're right, Papa.
Martin: Every single tragedy that has befallen this family can be traced back to Alistair. I will make him pay or I will die trying.
Kay: I love Fox, ok, and if he's happy, then I'm happy. Nothing else matters.
Tabitha: This spell you're having me cast, Kay -- it exacts a very high price from you.
Kay: For the last time, I don't care how high it is. Just do it.
Tabitha: All right, but don't say I didn't warn you, dear. Now, I just need two more ingredients. Oh, a hair from your head.
Tabitha: And -- uh -- a toenail clipping from Fox. Ok.
Kay: You don't mess around, do you?
Tabitha: Not with this spell, no. Well, the die is cast. There's no turning back now. Your life will never be the same after tonight, Kay. Hmm. Let's hope you have no second thoughts.
Fancy: Oh, the storage room? I don't know, Noah.
Noah: Hey, don't say anything until we're inside, ok?
Fancy: But the last time there was a rat.
Noah: The exterminator's been here. A few other people, too.
Fancy: Oh! Oh, my gosh. What is all this?
Noah: Do you like it? It's for you.
Liz: You came to arrest me at my own club based on something my sister or her lover told you? I will sue the D.A.'s office for wrongful arrest, defamation of character, trespassing, and every law that's on the book that you are breaking right now. All of you, get out of here, and I mean right now. Eve, I will get you for this.
Julian: If I were you, I would stop threatening Eve in front of the D.A. and the police. As the man said, you are in enough trouble already.
Eve: You've got it so completely wrong, Liz. Julian and I had no idea that you were being arrested. We're still trying to figure out what motivated Rebecca in court.
Liz: Oh, sure, Eve. I really believe you.
D.A.: Can we please get on with this? I'm going to need your Jane Hancock on this complaint.
Eve: What does it say?
D.A.: Just that you want to press charges against your sister, Liz Sanbourne.
Liz: You are loving this, aren't you? Humiliating innocent people in their place of business, destroying their credibility and livelihood all at the same time? Oh. You're up for reelection this year, aren't you? And the best way to win votes is to put someone away for all the unsolved crimes that happened on your watch. All of you, I want you as my witnesses when I sue the D.A.!
D.A.: Get her someplace quiet.
Officer: You happy now? None of your customers can see.
D.A.: Just sign on the bottom so we can take her in.
Tabitha: Mulligatawny allegarory, ibbity babbity boo. Oh. Oh, I forgot the most important ingredient -- two peacock feathers. Here.
Kay: Well, I only see one.
Tabitha: Oh, well, then one will have to do. Oh. Oh, very good if I do say so myself.
Kay: Ok, are you sure? I mean, is this how it's supposed to look?
Tabitha: Shh, dear. I'm very busy right now. Belly of the beast, moveable feast, give Fox the power no matter how sour.
Kay: What's sour?
Tabitha: Let him reign at Crane and feel no pain.
Kay: Ok, well, what's that?
Tabitha: My dear, it's the boys in the basement springing into action.
Sheridan: Of course I can't have your new number or address. You're in the witness protection program. You'll probably have brand-new names, too. I'm sorry for thinking that I could keep in touch with you.
Chris: I wish you could, not just for my sake, but for James'. You've been like a second mother to him, Sheridan.
Dave: Look, this is all very touching, but we're wasting time. The people who want you dead could be outside already. They've had enough time to track you down by now. We can only do what we can to protect you. There aren't any guarantees.
Sheridan: He's right. I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you or James because of me. You have to go now.
Rebecca: Hmm. You know, I think Alistair has a point. Maybe you should stop worrying about Theresa and start wondering about your husband. I mean, do you know where he is right this moment?
Gwen: Yes, he's in our bedroom. I left him there because I wanted to come in here with you and blow off some steam.
Rebecca: Oh, and you think he's going to be there all alone when you get back?
Gwen: She wouldn't dare come on to him in our bedroom.
Rebecca: Uh -- excuse me? Honey, isn't this the same girl that disguised herself as you and then spritzed herself with your perfume and then seduced Ethan in your very own bed?
Gwen: You're 100% right, and, so help me God, if I find her in there with him, it will be for the last time.
Martin: If Luis' death is anyone's fault, it's Alistair's.
Theresa: The man that I'm married to. I wish I could kill him.
Pilar: That wouldn't solve anything, Theresa. And I couldn't bear if you went to jail for murder because you and Paloma are all I have now.
Theresa: Did you tell Miguel yet? Did you talk to him?
Pilar: I emailed him, but I haven't heard back from him yet.
Theresa: Well, that's going to destroy him. You know, if I'd just listened to you, Mama, when you were trying to save me from making all those terrible mistakes, everything would be different.
Ethan: Theresa, don't.
Theresa: No, it's -- it's true. Instead of fighting to prove my innocence when Gwen and Rebecca sent the information to the tabloid about your paternity, I let the anger get the best of me, you ended up on her side instead of mine.
Pilar: Just let that go, ok, Theresa? Just focus on learning from your past and not making the same mistakes over and over. It's what Luis would want.
Theresa: Yes, he would.
Ethan: I know, I know it's hard to not react emotionally, Theresa, when you're feeling threatened, but you're such a smart girl. If you would just step back and assess the situation, you'd do a whole lot better, you know?
Theresa: So you think there's hope for me?
Ethan: Yeah, I know there is. I know there is.
Tabitha: Kay's made her choice. Give Fox the voice. He will be king, the others nothing!
Kay: Oh, my God.
Fancy: Wow. I don't know what to say.
Noah: Ah, it's the least I can do considering you were sweet enough to come to work with me this late tonight. Now, I can't stay long because I'm working behind the bar, but --
Fancy: I don't care how much time we have together. Just the idea that you'd go to all this trouble for me. Nobody's ever given me anything like this before.
Noah: You've got to be kidding. You're the most popular girl in all the society columns. You know, I don't think I've seen a picture of you without some ardent suitor hanging all over you.
Fancy: Not one of them ever did anything like this. When they tried to impress me, it was with presents which I didn't need or want. How did you know how much I needed this?
Noah: It was just a lucky guess. You really like it?
Fancy: More than you'll ever know.
Noah: All right, well, unfortunately, I've only got 12 minutes left to enjoy it with you.
Fancy: Well, it'll be the best 12 minutes of my life.
Liz: Go ahead, Eve, sign my life away. That's what you wanted from day one.
Eve: On the contrary, Liz, I have always cared about you.
Liz: Oh, sure you did, Eve. Don't deny it. This is perfect retribution for my getting involved with T.C. and exposing you for the lying whore you were. Just sign it and get it over with.
Julian: Go ahead, darling, sign it.
Eve: No. I'm not going to sign it. I'm not going to press charges against Liz.
Kay: Ok, I'm really scared.
Tabitha: What for? I've been doing this for centuries. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, that tickles! Oh!
Kay: Ok, what's happening?
Tabitha: Oh, oh, it -- I told you, this -- this spell, it draws my energy. It's exhausting.
Kay: Oh. Oh! Oh, boy. Oh, my God. Whoa! I've never felt so drained in my entire life.
Tabitha: They're sapping your energy, too, dear. It's the only way the spell can work.
Kay: Whatever -- whatever it takes to make Fox successful.
Tabitha: Yes, well, I hope you still feel that way after all is said and done.
[Kay and Tabitha groan]
Kay: Oh, my God, he's ice-cold! Oh, my God, your spell killed him!
Chris: Ok, it's time to go. Come on, James. We've got to get out of here.
Dave: I'll bring the car around front.
Sheridan: The gun -- is it really necessary?
Dave: I thought you understood the kind of people we're dealing with, miss. They don't want to talk to your friend, they want him dead. Meet me outside.
Sheridan: All right, sweetie, all set?
Chris: I really liked it here. So did my boy.
Sheridan: Me, too.
Sheridan: Oh, my God. They found you.
Alistair: Rebecca. What a delightful intermission she was. Oh! Ha, ha! Hmm, hmm, hmm. Now, let's see, it is almost time to get back to my nubile new bride for an encore.
Martin: Damn you, Alistair. You've killed two of my sons, and now I'm going to kill you.
Ethan: Listen to your mother. Maybe you should get some sleep, get into bed, hmm?
Pilar: Si, mija. Just rest, ok? Where's your father? Oh, God.
Ethan: Oh, God, if he's gone to find Alistair, someone's going to get killed.
Gwen: I'll tell you who's going to get killed tonight -- Theresa.
On the Next Passions:
Man: We have something for you -- the body of Luis lopez-fitzgerald.
Alistair: Shoot me right here in my heart.
Martin: You underestimate me.
Pilar: Oh, my God, Martin, what have you done?
Kay: Fox is dead and it's all my fault.
Gwen: And it's your lucky night, Theresa, because I want a divorce!
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