Thursday 9/29/05--Canada; Friday 9/30/05--USA
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Spike: Yeah. Hey, this is a good spot right here. You'll get plenty of action right here.
Spike: Now, listen, Jess, no more messing around now. You got to make some money tonight. You understand?
Jessica: I will, I promise.
Spike: Ok, and keep your eyes open, for God's sakes. Can't you tell an undercover cop when you smell one?
Jessica: I -- I don't know.
Spike: You don't know? Well, smarten up. You get arrested tonight, you and I are through. You understand? I can't keep bailing you out.
Jessica: I know, and I'm sorry. I'll do better.
Spike: You'll do better? You'd better do better. I don't want you to come back here unless you have enough money to cover the bail I had to fork over for you.
Spike: Hey -- who takes care of you, baby? Hmm? Hmm?
Jessica: You do, Spike.
Spike: Who cares about you?
Jessica: You, Spike.
Spike: Right. So why don't you show some appreciation? And I want you to stay away from that pushy friend of yours. She's just trying to screw with your head.
Jessica: No, Simone's just being a friend.
Spike: No. No, no, no. You don't need any other friends. You have me. Now, stay away from her. Ok? Now, get busy, make some money. Go. Good girl.
Simone: Oh, Jessica. I wish I could help you, but I can't. Not as long as Spike has you under his control.
Fancy: Noah, I don't want my grandfather to hurt you and your family any more than he already has.
Noah: Hey, don't worry about it, all right? It's not your fault.
Fancy: But it is. He doesn't want me to be with you. And if I defy him, he's going to punish you even more.
Noah: What did I say, all right? Don't worry about it. I'm not going to let your grandfather scare me off.
Fancy: I just want to be with you.
Noah: And I just want to be with you.
Ivy: We are going to have a little talk, young lady.
Kay: I'm not interested. Leave me alone.
Ivy: Oh, no, no, no, you are getting much too involved with my son. I want it stopped.
Kay: Ok, Fox is a grown man, ok? He can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants, and he wants me.
Ivy: Well, that might be, but I am not about to let my son waste his life on someone like you. I'll do whatever it takes to stop it.
Julian: Rebecca, stop playing games. I want to know what I signed in exchange for your testimony that cleared Eve.
Rebecca: Well, you were so eager to keep Eve out of prison that if I'd asked you for the moon, you would've given it to me.
Julian: That's true. You were upset about the divorce settlement I offered, so I assumed you upped the ante, huh? What's this going to cost me?
Rebecca: You know, pookie, funny you mention the divorce, hmm?
Julian: What's so funny?
Rebecca: Well, you see, there isn't going to be one.
Julian: What the hell are you talking about?
Rebecca: Well, what the paper said was that you are going to honor your commitment to me, and when you signed them, you agreed to stay married to me -- forever.
Sheridan: Do you really think that you can get through to Luis? Because I've been trying him on his global cell phone and it won't go through.
Chris: Well, the F.B.I. owes me a favor. All I have to do is ask and we can have Luis back here in Harmony before you know it. But I asked you a question, Sheridan.
Sheridan: A question?
Chris: Do you really want Luis to come back?
Sheridan: I -- I just think that he should know that his sister Theresa is about to marry my father. Whether he wants to come back or not is up to him.
Chris: Well, you told him not to come back without your son. Do you still want me to get him here even though he hasn't found Marty?
Gwen: Were you able to talk Theresa out of this crazy marriage to Alistair?
Ethan: No, no, I haven't had the chance yet.
Gwen: Well, will you please go do it? Do it right now. Do you have any idea how powerful she's going to be if she marries him?
Ethan: I don't know what she's thinking. I mean, it's -- it's crazy.
Gwen: Well, honey, she is crazy, and she is going to have the power to destroy us and she will. She's going to take Jane away from us, and God only knows what she'll try to do to get you away from me.
Ethan: Gwen, she thinks that Alistair can force me to leave you, all right? It's not going to happen.
Gwen: Look, I don't even want to take that chance, ok, so will you please go talk to her right now? You are the only one who can.
Pilar: You cannot do this, Theresa. You cannot marry this monster.
Theresa: I can, Mama, and I will.
Alistair: And very soon, too. The padre has arrived. Excuse us.
Theresa: Mama, please.
Alistair: Oh, Father Lonigan. Thank you for coming on such short notice.
Father Lonigan: Alistair?
Alistair: That's right.
Father Lonigan: I received an urgent message to come down here to officiate at a wedding. I had no idea it was from you. What is this about?
Alistair: I'm getting married, Father. And as soon as you're ready, we can start the ceremony.
Alistair's voice: Oh, you think Theresa's marrying me is bad? Well, you just wait. You have no idea how much worse things are going to get -- for all of you.
Tabitha: Oh, Endora, your grandfather is definitely up to no good tonight. I have a feeling that it's not just Theresa's life that's going to be ruined. I don't think anyone is going to leave unscathed tonight, and I can't wait to see it all happen.
Man: Hey, baby. What's shaking?
Jessica: That's up to you.
Man: Well, I'm ready to party.
Jessica: Me, too. I'll show you a real good time.
Man: Oh, I'm counting on it. Come on, I got a place I can take you.
Jessica: Hey, wait. Don't you want to know how much?
Man: Oh, I'm good, baby. I'm so good you'll want to pay me.
Jessica: But I'm supposed to get the money first.
Man: Oh. Don't worry about it. You'll get your money. I'll even pay you extra for something special. Ok?
Man: Come on.
Spike: Well, that's a good girl, Jess. You go out and make me some money because, hell, that's all you're good for.
Eve: Whitney, did Theresa tell you that she was planning this horror show?
Whitney: No, I found out today. She came to the convent to tell me all about it.
Eve: Did you tell her what a mistake it would be for her to marry Alistair?
Whitney: Well, yeah, of course I did, but you know Theresa. She didn't listen to me.
Eve: I just don't understand. Why does she want to destroy her life this way?
Whitney: It's the same reason all of our lives have already been destroyed, Mom -- love. Love destroys everything.
Julian: If you think I'm going to stay married to you, you are out of your mind.
Rebecca: Well, I'm not, and you signed the papers.
Julian: But I didn't know what I was signing. I thought you were just upset with the divorce settlement I offered you and you wanted more money, not that you wanted to stay married to me.
Rebecca: Well, you assumed wrong, and we have an agreement.
Julian: I'll break the agreement.
Rebecca: Oh, really? Hmm. "Oh, Your Honor, when I said that Liz put the poison in the cup, oh, I lied. Julian forced me into it."
Julian: You'll never get away with it.
Rebecca: "Oh, it was quite the contrary. You see, Eve put the poison in Liz's cup. Oh, I saw the whole thing, Your Honor, very clearly."
Julian: You would really do that, wouldn't you?
Rebecca: You know I would. And the judge declared a mistrial because of my testimony and Eve can still go on trial, and if I gave evidence to the contrary, well, my, my, my, it'd be three hots and a cot for Eve for a very long time.
Julian: Rebecca, why are you doing this?
Rebecca: Oh, pookie. I'm just trying to protect what's mine. And you have to give me what I want. Well, that is if you want to keep Eve out of the big house.
Pilar: Father Lonigan, you cannot officiate at this wedding. You just can't!
Alistair: Pilar, stay out of this, please. Anytime you're ready, Father.
Father Lonigan: Surely you don't mean to have the ceremony tonight.
Alistair: Why, yes, I do. That's why you were called. Doesn't matter to me one way or the other if I'm married by a priest, but my bride-to-be is very sentimental. She insisted on you marrying us.
Father Lonigan: Well, but a Catholic wedding takes time and planning. There are requirements to be met.
Alistair: Oh, I'm sure a few rules could be bent, Father, for a sizable donation. I know the church is always in need.
Father Lonigan: Well, yes, of course, a donation is always welcome. But I must say I'm surprised that you and Katherine -- well, I'm just surprised that she would want to renew her vows to you, considering.
Alistair: I'm not marrying Katherine, Father. That's a -- that's a mistake I'd rather not repeat. No, I had her declared legally dead and the marriage dissolved some years ago.
Father Lonigan: But she's alive.
Katherine: And all these years you've been insisting that we were still married.
Alistair: I lied.
Father Lonigan: I don't understand. If you are not marrying Katherine, who are you marrying?
Father Lonigan: Theresa? Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald?
Alistair: Ah, you got it in one, Father. Now, could we get on with all this?
Father Lonigan: No. I will not marry you and Theresa -- not now, not ever.
Chris: I need to know before I call my contacts at the F.B.I. Are you sure you want Luis back in Harmony?
Sheridan: As I said, he should know that Theresa is about to marry my father. He would want it stopped and I'm sure he's the only one that can.
Chris: Sheridan, I know you still love Luis, and I'm sure he still loves you. Why wouldn't he?
Sheridan: Our relationship is very complicated.
Chris: Yeah, I know. But you haven't called him since he's left until now and you've refused to take any of his calls.
Sheridan: Because I never got a message saying that he found Marty, my son.
Chris: I know. I guess what I'm trying to find out is, are you ready to see Luis without your son? Because I can get him here, but I don't want you to be angry at me if I do.
Sheridan: I won't be angry with you.
Chris: Yes, you might. If his presence here upsets you -- Sheridan, I want you to think this through, be absolutely sure that you're ready to talk to Luis. I'll do anything you want, but this decision has to be yours. Just let me know, ok?
Kay: Hi. Can I get a martini, dry, please? Thanks.
Ivy: Did you hear what I said, Kay? I said I'm not going to let you have a relationship with my son.
Kay: Or what?
Ivy: Or what? Ok, how about this. How about if Fox finds out that you knew that David wasn't really your mother's first husband and yet you let her leave town with him anyway, breaking your father's heart?
Kay: Ok, well, if he found that out, I would also make sure that he found out that you were the one who hired David to come here and pretend to be my mom's first husband just so you could get my dad back. Thanks. Your move, Ivy.
Ivy: Well, it appears that we are at an impasse.
Kay: Yeah. Appears so. I mean, neither one of us can really tell Fox what we have on the other without blowing it for ourselves, so you can't really ruin things between me and Fox, I can't ruin things between you and my dad, so why don't we just drop it, ok? Drop it.
Ivy: Oh, you are so wrong, Kay. I will find a way to tear you and Fox apart for good.
Pilar: Theresa, mija.
Alistair: What do you mean, you won't perform the ceremony, Father? It's your job. Do it.
Father Lonigan: I do not take my orders from you, Alistair. My orders come from a much higher power.
Pilar: Call it off, Theresa. Father Lonigan said he will not marry you. This is your chance to get out of it.
Ethan: Listen to your mom. Don't do this.
Alistair: How dare you refuse to marry us. On what grounds?
Father Lonigan: It is not a union based on love. It would be blasphemous, a marriage cursed before it started.
Alistair: I'm warning you, priest, I am warning you --
Father Lonigan: Do not threaten me, Alistair.
Alistair: Listen to me, listen to me -- I should have made sure that they took more than your eyes that day. You'll always be a problem to me.
Father Lonigan: May God help you, Alistair Crane.
Alistair: Oh, yeah. I can see how much he did for you. Now, you get out of here. I'll find someone else to marry us.
Father Lonigan: I will continue to pray for your soul.
Alistair: Oh, don't bother! Just go!
Alistair: Yeah, it's Alistair. I want Judge Reilly down here at the Seascape restaurant to officiate at a wedding ceremony immediately. No. What do you mean, he's not available? Who is available? No, no, no, I want one of the judges on my payroll. Morrison? Yeah, Morrison will be fine. He's very malleable and a heck of a lot cheaper. Ok, good. Bye.
Tabitha: I knew tonight was going to be fun, Endora. This unholy alliance between Alistair and Theresa is going to cause everyone pain in one way or another. And knowing Alistair, this is just the beginning. I'm sure he's got something else up his sleeve even bigger. I'm absolutely sure of it.
Man: Hey, it ain't exactly five-star, but then neither are you.
Man: Oh. Did I hurt your feelings? Tough. I'm not here to help your self-esteem. I'm here to help myself to you. Now, hurry up and take off your clothes. This room rents by the hour, and time's a-wasting. What are you waiting for?
Jessica: I just -- I need a glass of water.
Man: There's no room service here, honey.
Jessica: Is there a sink?
Man: In the bathroom. And hurry it up or I'm taking it out of your pay.
Jessica: Ok, I won't be a minute.
Jessica: My God. Who are you? How did I end up like this?
Man: What are you doing? Let's go!
Jessica: Ok! I'm coming.
Sam: Did you have any idea that Theresa was going to marry Alistair?
Martin: No. I mean, it's insane, and I blame myself. If I'd have been here for her all these years, none of this would've happened.
Sam: You had your reasons for leaving.
Martin: At the time I thought I was doing it to protect my family from Alistair. But you know what? Maybe I was lying to myself. You know, Theresa hates me, so does Luis. They say I ruined their lives. And maybe I did. You know, maybe I am to blame for all the pain they've suffered.
Eve: Whitney. What are you talking about? You're not saying that Theresa's in love with Alistair, are you?
Whitney: No, no, of course not. Theresa loves Ethan. I mean, that's what this whole thing is about. Theresa believes that Alistair is going to help her get Ethan and Jane back.
Eve: Oh, my God.
Whitney: Theresa's love for Ethan is destroying her life and the life of everyone around her, just like my love for Chad destroyed us. You know, love is nothing but a curse.
Eve: Whitney, honey, that is not true. Love is the most wonderful thing in the world.
Whitney: Oh, please. Mom, please. I mean, look what love did to you and Daddy. Look what it did to Sam and Grace. Look what love is doing to Theresa. I don't even believe in it anymore.
Eve: Oh, baby, don't say that.
Whitney: All that stuff about finding your prince charming? All that was was a bunch of propaganda to sell wedding gowns and engagement rings. And me, I'm not falling for it. I'm not falling for it again. That's why I'm going to stay in the convent and give my life to God. Then -- then love can never hurt me again.
Fox: This is kind of strange, huh, Theresa marrying Alistair?
Chad: Yeah. Yeah.
Fox: Huh. Talk to Whitney?
Chad: I don't know what good it did. I mean, she's still staying at the convent.
Fox: She still wants to be a nun?
Chad: I don't know if she wants to be a nun, man. She's just -- she's just running away, you know? She's scared if she stays here she's going to want to be with me and Miles.
Fox: Yeah, well, that can't happen. It's an impossible situation, Chad. I mean, you're her brother, you know? I mean, I can understand the two of you fell in love and you didn't know it, but now that you know, it's --
Fox: You can't even --
Chad: Yeah, maybe Whitney's right, you know? Maybe love is a curse.
Fox: Is that what she said?
Fox: Funny coming from her, you know?
Fox: Why? Well, I mean, here she is giving up a life in this world for the two of you. I mean, if that's not an act of pure love, I don't know what is.
Ethan: You can't be serious about marrying Alistair.
Theresa: I'm here, aren't I? I'm going to go through with it.
Ethan: Theresa, you're going to be tied to that man forever. How can you do this?
Theresa: Well, you didn't give me a choice, Ethan. You took my child from me.
Ethan: She is my child, too.
Theresa: She belongs with me and I want her back. So will you give me my daughter back, Ethan?
Ethan: The court awarded custody to Gwen and me, but I promise you I will do everything in my power to convince Gwen to allow you to share custody with us.
Theresa: And I want you, Ethan. So can you convince Gwen to do that, as well?
Ethan: Oh, Theresa. Stop this. Even if she agreed, I wouldn't leave her.
Theresa: We're destined for each other.
Ethan: Why are you talking crazy like this?
Theresa: I'm not talking crazy, Ethan. Stop that. I'm never going to give up. Not until you, me, little Ethan, and Jane are a family.
Simone: Jessica, what are you doing with your life? How did you come to this? I mean, I know you don't like doing what you're doing. You couldn't. I've got to find a way to help her. I just hope to God she'll be all right tonight. Maybe I can talk some sense into her tomorrow.
Man: Hey! Quit stalling. Take off your clothes and give me what I'm paying you for.
Jessica: Ok. Hey, wait. You never paid me.
Man: What are you, an amateur? It's on the table. Now, get on with it, will you? I'm tired of this. Enough with the games. Come here.
Jessica: Hey --
Man: Come here.
Jessica: Stop it! You're hurting me!
Man: Hey, listen to me!
Man: Just listen to me. I like it rough, and that's the way you're going to give it to me, hmm, the way I want it.
Man: Aw. What?
Jessica: No, no, please!
Man: Oh, yeah, that's it, baby, come on. Yeah, that's it.
Jessica: Please. Please.
Man: That's it, that's the way I like it.
Jessica: After all the mistakes you've made, you don't have the right to lecture me.
Kay: The hell I don't. I've learned from my mistakes. You haven't. And you're too stupid to see that I only want what's best for you. We care about you, Jessica! I care! I mean, damn it, don't you know that I love you?
Man: Hey, I'm not paying you to just lay there stoned! You got to do something for your money! You'd better do what I tell you or you're going to be sorry. Yeah.
Sam: Don't be too hard on yourself, Martin, all right? Being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world.
Martin: Well, at least you were there for your kids when they were growing up so you had some kind of influence on them.
Sam: Not enough, obviously.
Martin: Yeah. You know, Paloma told me about the problems you were having with Jessica.
Sam: Yeah, well, she's destroying her life, and I can't do a damn thing to stop her.
Martin: That's how I feel about Theresa. Lousy feeling, huh?
Sam: You remember Theresa when she was a little girl?
Martin: Oh, you bet I do. She was just a baby girl, was just first learning to walk. You know, she was -- she was persistent even then.
Sam: Jessica. She was the sweetest little thing. I remember she would come and sit on my lap and I would read to her for hours. Kay was always busy running around. She was the athlete. She was a quiet little girl, Jessica. I had big plans for her.
Martin: I guess all fathers dream about the day their daughter will walk down the aisle and marry the love of their life.
Sam: Maybe I'll see that with Kay. Not Jessica.
Martin: Yeah. Well, I guess Theresa's going to go through with this abomination. God help her because I sure the hell can't.
Sam: Hard to believe, isn't it, how quickly your life can be turned upside down? Here I was a happily married family man. David comes to town and everything falls apart. My wife leaves me and my daughter becomes someone that I don't even know.
Kay: If my dad ever found out that you hired David to take my mom away from him, yeah, he would hate you forever. So don't even think about trying to come between me and Fox, ok? Just leave us alone. Hey.
Gwen: Can you believe this?
Gwen: I mean, the only reason Theresa would even consider marrying Alistair is because she thinks he can help her get Ethan back. This is crazy.
Sheridan: It would kill Luis if he knew what Theresa was doing.
Gwen: Has anyone tried to get a hold of him?
Sheridan: Well, I have.
Gwen: What happened?
Sheridan: I can't get through on his global cell phone.
Gwen: I'm sorry.
Sheridan: But there is another way to reach him, a way to get him to come back to Harmony.
Gwen: Oh, well, that's great. Do it!
Sheridan's voice: I just have to decide if it's the right thing to do.
Theresa: Fate means for us to be together. You and me and our daughter and little Ethan, we are a family.
Ethan: Don't do this again. You need to listen to me right now. You need to forget about this idea of us being together because it just is not going to happen. I'm not going to leave Gwen, and you marrying Alistair isn't going to change that.
Theresa: Yes, it will.
Ethan: No, it won't! Alistair cannot force me to leave my wife to be with you. That is absolutely ridiculous, Theresa. And let me tell you something -- even if I were to leave Gwen, do you really think Alistair would just step aside and let his lovely wife be with another man?
Theresa: He knows that you're the one I love.
Ethan: Well, if that's the reason that you're marrying Alistair -- because of some pie-in-the-sky promise about forcing me to leave my wife to be with you -- I'm sorry to tell you you need to get over it. Get over it. It's not going to happen. He doesn't control me, and you can't control Alistair. Nobody can control him.
Theresa: You're wrong, Ethan. I can control Alistair.
Alistair's voice: "'Step into my parlor,' said the spider to the fly." You have no idea what awaits you, Theresa. No idea at all.
Julian: Dear God, what have I done? I saved Eve from going to prison, but I've also made it impossible for us to ever be together. Oh, Eve, hi. Are you all right? You look upset.
Eve: Oh, I just had a disturbing conversation with Whitney.
Eve: Do you know she thinks that love destroys people's lives?
Julian: That's quite understandable, seeing what happened between her and Chad.
Eve: That's why she's going into the convent. You know, if she were becoming a nun for the right reasons, I would support her, but she's not. She's just running away because she's disillusioned about love.
Julian: And you still think you can't change her mind?
Eve: No. She's determined that she's going to shut herself away from the world, away from life, but we all know that life eventually catches up with you.
Julian: Yes, it does.
Noah: What are you thinking about?
Fancy: I know all hell is about to break loose inside, but somehow I feel so peaceful here in your arms.
Noah: I'm going to make sure you stay in my arms.
Fancy: Why did Grandfather trick us into coming here? It can't be because he wanted us at his wedding.
Noah: Yeah, and he's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want me anywhere near his precious granddaughter.
Fancy: Not too late to change your mind.
Noah: Yes, it is.
Noah: Come on, let's go inside. We can flaunt our relationship.
Fancy: Please, I don't want to make Grandfather any angrier than he already is.
Noah: I'm not sure that's possible.
Valerie: Ivy? I saw you and Kay going at it. What's going on?
Ivy: Oh, I was just trying to warn Kay that it would be a mistake to get greedy and try to undermine Chad or you.
Valerie: Is that what Kay's planning to do?
Ivy: Yes. She wants Fox to take over Crane Industries, and to do that, she has to make sure that Chad doesn't steal the limelight.
Valerie: She has got some nerve. She only got the job because Fox is sleeping with her.
Ivy: Oh, exactly. But she's going to make sure that she's right by his side, sharing the power when he takes over.
Valerie: And you're not particularly happy about that.
Ivy: Well, of course I want my son to take his rightful place at the head of the company, but I want him to do it fairly, you know, and not at Chad's expense or yours.
Valerie: It's very kind of you to tell me this, Ivy.
Ivy: Well, I think you need to be on guard, Valerie, because if Theresa goes through with this and marries Alistair, Kay's going to fight a lot dirtier and a lot harder to get rid of Chad and you.
Valerie: Oh, I can't let that happen. We've both worked too hard.
Ivy: You need an ally. Kay has Fox. But you have me, and I can help. And with me as an ally, I can guarantee that Kay won't win.
Valerie: Don't worry, I'll find a way to deal with Kay. Thanks.
Ivy: Oh, I'm counting on it, Valerie.
Chris: So, have you made a decision yet?
Sheridan: Yes. I have.
Chris: Ok, what? Do I call my friends at the F.B.I. And have them bring Luis back or just leave it alone?
Jessica: Simone! You've got to help me.
Jessica: It wasn't my fault! I didn't mean to do it!
Simone: Wait, slow down, Jessica. I don't understand you.
Jessica: I just wanted him off me. Simone, you've got to help me.
Simone: Well, of course I'll help you. Where are you?
Jessica: I don't know. I don't know where it is. It's some hotel. Simone, you've got to help me. He's dead.
Simone: Dead? Who's dead?
Jessica: The guy. The john. I killed him.
Jessica: I killed him.
Chris: Sheridan, what do you want me to do?
Sheridan: Call your F.B.I. friends. I want Luis to come home. He needs to be here.
Alistair: Ah, Judge Morrison. Thank you so much for coming on such short notice.
Judge Morrison: Well, I did have to leave my wife's birthday party and she'll make me pay, believe you me.
Alistair: Hmm. Well, I'll tell you something -- I have a nice little gift from Bulgaria being delivered to your wife right now. And that condo in Aspen you had your eye on? That's yours. Now, can we get this show on the road?
Judge Morrison: Absolutely. Where's the blushing bride?
Alistair: Well, here she is right here, just as anxious as I am to be married.
Theresa: Thank you. Hello.
Judge Morrison: Hello.
Alistair: Ladies and gentlemen, the ceremony is about to begin.
Sam: Yeah, without me. I'm not staying here and watching this travesty.
Ivy: Neither am I.
Julian: Neither are we.
Fancy: What's happening, Mother?
Noah: Are we leaving?
Alistair: I don't think anyone should leave. I know that you're all less than enthusiastic about my nuptials, but after the ceremony, I have something planned that I'm sure none of you would want to miss.
Ethan: What the hell is he up to now?
Alistair: And as I said before, I have a gift for each and every one of you, something that you'll never forget. Now, if you'll excuse us.
Tabitha: I don't know exactly what your grandfather has up his sleeve, but I have a feeling that this wedding gift he talks about is going to rock everyone in this little town to their very core, each and every one of them.
On the Next Passions:
Simone: Is this the knife that Spike gives you to carry every night?
Jessica: Oh, God! I'm a murderer!
Officer: We found what was inside your bag. Did you really think you were going to get away with this?
Judge Morrison: By the power vested in me, I hereby pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
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