Thursday 9/22/05--Canada; Friday 9/23/05--USA
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Chris: Sheridan. Breakfast was amazing.
Sheridan: Yeah, thanks to you. Thank you for helping me keep the guests happy with all your baked yummy goods.
Chris: It's absolutely my pleasure. But if you really want to show your appreciation, there is something you can do for me and for James.
Sheridan: Sure, just name it.
Chris: I want you to be James' godmother.
Officer: You don't have long, Sam. If Alistair Crane knew I let you in to see Noah, he'd have my job.
Sam: Ok, look, I appreciate it, ok? It'll only take a minute.
Officer: Ok, I'll keep an eye just to be safe.
Noah: Dad. I'm glad to see you, but shouldn't you be out looking for Jessica?
Sam: Spike probably has her lying low till her arrest for prostitution drops off the front page.
Noah: Goody. More room for me and my arrest on drugs and weapon charges.
Sam: Look, son, I know you were set up by Alistair, ok? He's out to take our whole family down, me included.
Ivy: Do you see what Alistair is doing to Sam and Noah?
Fancy: I can't believe it. I mean, how did Grandfather know that Noah and I were seeing each other?
Ivy: Alistair knows everything! I tried to warn you when you first came home to be careful, but, no, you ignored me!
Fancy: I didn't plan on getting involved with Noah. It just happened.
Ivy: Well, Alistair's going to use that to his full advantage.
Alistair: Indeed, I am.
Alistair: Sam Bennett has been a thorn in my side for years. Now I'm going to bury the whole Bennett clan, and enjoy myself while I'm doing it.
Rebecca: So Julian said he would give me anything I want if I help keep eve out of prison. Ah. Could I do it? Should I do it? Hmm. And how would I do it if I did it? Hmm. And what would I ask for in return to set Eve free?
Julian: You know, I'll tell you, I begged, I threatened, I even tried bribing Rebecca into providing some help for your defense, but she's sticking to her story.
Eve: You actually confronted Rebecca?
Julian: Well, we've all suspected she knows more than she's telling about the night Liz was poisoned. At this late date, I really -- I really didn't think there was anything to lose.
Ethan: Still, the only way that Rebecca can really help us is if she confesses to poisoning Liz and goes to prison herself. Unfortunately, I don't really see her doing that for Eve.
Eve: Oh, Gwen. Honey, don't take it personally. You and your mother are nothing alike.
Ethan: Yeah, total opposites, actually. Gwen would never stoop as low as her mother would.
Liz: Well, good morning, Eve. Is it just me and the jury, or is today an especially lovely day for you to be found guilty and sent to prison?
Sheridan: You want me to be James' godmother?
Chris: Well, as far as I know, he's never been christened, and I'd like to take care of that oversight as soon as possible.
Sheridan: I don't know what to say.
Chris: I get that you don't want to do it. You barely know James and me, and being a godparent is a big responsibility.
Sheridan: No, it's not that. It's just that I'm -- I'm surprised you asked.
Chris: You shouldn't be, Sheridan. You're an amazing person. You've been so good to both James and me.
Sheridan: Are you sure there isn't any other family member or friend that you'd rather ask?
Chris: I can't get in contact with any of my old friends. Now that I'm in the witness protection program, pretty much the same goes for my family.
Sheridan: Ok, then, I would be proud to be James' godmother.
Chris: Great. Well, now I just have to speak to Sam Bennett and see if he wants to be James' godfather.
Sheridan: Sam? But you hardly know him.
Chris: Well, I hardly know you, either, but if something happened to us, I know that Sam would do right by James.
Sheridan: He would, despite what you read in the newspaper.
Chris: That was some headline.
Sheridan: Yeah, well, it's all a lie. My father has had it in for Sam for years. That's why he had him fired from being chief of police. And now that my niece is dating Sam's son, I'm sure that that's just made matters worse. My father hates when a Crane mingles with what he considers to be the lower class, but keeps happening. There's Luis and me, my brother, Julian, and his first love, Eve, my mother, Luis' father, and now it looks like Fancy and Noah.
Sam: I got word last night that the city council is going to audit the police department's books. They say they have evidence of bribes, kickbacks, and misuse of public funds. Of course, it's a lie. Alistair's really stepped up his war against our family.
Noah: Because Fancy and I reconnected.
Sam: Well, that's part of it. You know, I watched Alistair turn up the heat on Luis' family after he and Sheridan fell in love. You know, Alistair doesn't want any Crane to get involved with what he calls the great unwashed. You know, in his sick way, he thinks he's protecting his family.
Noah: Yeah, no matter how many people's lives he has to ruin in order to do it.
Sam: Well, look how high Alistair had Judge Reilly set your bail.
Noah: It's astronomical.
Sam: I tried to get a second mortgage on the house, but Alistair threatened any bank he'd run them out of business if they tried to help me.
Noah: Look, I don't want you to take that route, anyways, all right?
Sam: Look, I don't want you to rot in here.
Noah: Forget about me, Dad. Look, you need to focus on fighting these bogus corruption charges.
Sam: You and Jessica are more important to me than that. Besides, I can't do anything for her right now. But what I can do is sell my 1930 Hacker Craft runabout to make your bail.
Noah: Dad, no, all right? That boat means the world to you. I won't let you sell it.
Sam: You are what's most important to me right now, ok -- you and our family. I'm going to sell that boat and I'm going to get out of here.
Noah: Damn Alistair. You know, this is all his fault.
Tabitha: Alistair is hellbent on ripping apart Fancy and Noah's newfound amour. Oh. It's a pity Endora doesn't have just a little bit of her grandfather's appetite for inflicting pain. Oh, well. Maybe if she watches a little more cable-access TV she'll grow into it.
Fancy: Grandfather, please leave Noah and Sam alone. They didn't hurt you, I did. And I lied when I said I didn't care about Noah, because I do. That's why I broke my promise not to see him again. The truth is I -- I think I love him.
Ivy: Fancy, be quiet.
Fancy: But it's true.
Alistair: Fancy, you lied to me. You -- you broke my trust in you. You know, that's -- that's almost like a knife stabbing me in the heart.
Fancy: I'm sorry.
Alistair: Oh, don't. What do you mean you're sorry? You're nothing but pathetic. Lusting after some blue-collar clod. What the hell is wrong with this whole family, anyway? First, there's Julian and that black whore of a girlfriend of his, Eve. Then there's Sheridan with her mongrel hunk, Luis. Then there's Fox with his assortment of ethnic love interests. You know, I always -- I always knew I would be disappointed by them. But not by you. I thought you and I were alike. You were the only one that understood what it meant to be a Crane.
Fancy: I do! But Noah and I -- we just happened! And I lied about it because I didn't want to upset you. I am really sorry, and I will accept whatever punishment you give me, but please don't make Noah and his family suffer any longer, I'm begging you!
Alistair: Oh, don't beg! Cranes do not beg! I gave you all of this -- the money, the power, the position. And how do you repay me? How do you repay me? You confuse lust with love, and then you lie to me about it.
Fancy: But, Grandfather, I don't think I'm confused.
Alistair: Don't. Forget this Grandfather. Understand this, young lady -- you're going to suffer the consequences of watching me lay waste the family of the man you think you love.
Julian: Leave her alone, you parasite.
T.C.: Eve, I heard you tried to leave the country with Julian, but Alistair had you arrested?
Eve: T.C., it's true. I'm sorry --
T.C.: Eve, it's all right. It's ok, all right? I just want what's best for you.
Grace: Well, if it isn't our would-be fugitive from justice. You'd better fasten your seatbelt, honey. There's still plenty of turbulence ahead.
Liz: And then you'll crash and burn.
Ethan: Let's go.
Julian: All right.
Bailiff: All rise! Court is now in session, the honorable Judge Eaton presiding. You may be seated.
Julian: Ethan? With Rebecca refusing to admit more than she's let on, what are you going to do?
Ethan: The only thing we can do.
Julian: What's that?
Judge: Mr. Winthrop, the defense may present its case.
Ethan: Thank you, your honor. The defense will call its one and only witness, Dr. Eve Russell to the stand, please.
Julian: What, are you mad? The jury hates Eve.
Ethan: I know it's risky, but she is our only hope.
Grace: Remind me to send Mr. Winthrop a thank-you note for giving me an opportunity to cross-examine Eve. Her testimony will be her epitaph.
Eve: So help me, God.
Rebecca: Even though Julian stumbled onto the truth that I accidentally poisoned Liz when I was trying to kill Eve -- huh -- there is another way that the jury might interpret this, a way that might set Eve free and get me anything I want.
Ethan: Please tell the court about your relationship with your half sister, Liz.
Eve: Well, we were very close as children. Inseparable. Liz looked up to me because I was older, and I tried to be worthy of her admiration.
Liz: Oh, please.
[Judge pounds gavel]
Judge: Be quiet, Ms. Sanbourne, or else.
Liz: I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Eve: I never knew the impact that my leaving home had on Liz. And I never had any inkling that her father would molest her. Because if I had known, I would've killed him. I'm sorry. That's right, you heard right. I so loved my little sister, Liz, that I would have done anything to keep her safe and happy. But because Liz blamed me for everything that she suffered, she came to Harmony to get revenge. And she has been trying to destroy me now for years.
Ethan: Then why did you let the situation go on?
Eve: Because I had a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters and a career that I loved and I was trying to protect them. Oh, but Liz, she's just unrelenting. She used my family to get to me. They were just innocent victims of her abuse, just like she was an innocent victim of her father's abuse. And as if it wasn't enough that she threw herself constantly at my husband, she turned my daughters against me. She even went so far as to offer my daughter a job singing in a nightclub, hoping that she would drink and that she would do drugs and that she would have promiscuous sex -- all just to hurt me!
Julian: Keep going, Ethan. You may turn the jury to Eve's side yet.
Noah: Dad, wait to sell the boat, all right? Some friends owe me favors. Let me talk to them first, see if I can come up with the bail money that way.
Officer: I'm sorry, Sam, you need to go.
Sam: All right. Look, I'll hold off on selling the boat. But if you're not out of here by tonight, it goes.
Noah: All right.
Sam: One more thing. Is Fancy worth all the trouble you're in?
Noah: All of it and then some.
Sam: That's all I wanted to know.
Fancy: Grampy, don't punish Noah and his family for what I did wrong. Noah's a good man and so is his father. They can't hurt you or our family.
Alistair: Fancy, you fail to grasp the amount of time I spent protecting this family's power, position, and wealth. You know why? Because it can be gone in an instant. Look at your mother, for example. One moment, she's Mrs. Julian Crane with more money and power than she knows what to do with. The next, she's baking tomato soup cake and ironing her man's work clothes. That cannot happen to my blood! I am going to crush Noah Bennett and finish Sam off while I'm at it.
Ivy: Damn you, old man.
Fancy: But, Grandfather, I think I love Noah.
Alistair: Don't say that. I forbid it. Now, you listen to me, young lady, you get control of yourself or I will. And you stay away from Noah Bennett -- or else.
Ivy: Alistair --
Alistair: You're not going anywhere, Ivy, until you hear what I have to say.
Ethan: Dr. Russell, did you try to kill Alistair Crane?
Eve: No. I did not. As a matter of fact, I saved his life on two separate occasions -- once after his wife had shot him, and the second time immediately after he'd been poisoned.
Ethan: And did you try to kill Julian Crane?
Eve: No, I didn't. I mean, it's true I did threaten to kill him. But half of Harmony threatened to kill him that night. I wasn't the one who shot him at the cannery.
Ethan: And did you poison your sister, Liz Sanbourne?
Eve: No. I did not. I performed an emergency tracheotomy on her to keep her breathing until the paramedics could come. I hate what my sister's done to me and I hate the pain that she has caused me and my family, but in my heart she's still my little sister and I still love her.
Ethan: No further questions.
Julian: The jury's attitude toward Eve seems to have changed for the better. Maybe you've managed to plant the seeds of reasonable doubt.
Ethan: A lot of it depends on how Nancier handles the cross-examination.
Grace: I just have a few questions for the witness, Your Honor. First of all, Eve, how do you expect this jury to believe all those lies?
Ethan: Oh, God. Objection!
[Judge pounds gavel]
Sheridan: Hey, Sam.
Sam: How are you?
Sam: Hey, Chris.
Sam: Yeah, I got your message and, well, why you would want me to be the godfather to your son -- I'm kind of confused.
Chris: I understand. But from what I've seen, you're the finest man in Harmony.
Sam: Well, I guess you haven't seen today's newspapers.
Chris: Yes, we have.
Sheridan: I told him all about Father.
Chris: Anyone who can muster than kind of anger in Alistair Crane must be the best of the best. Look, Sam, I want to christen my boy, James, and seeing as none of my friends are here -- I understand it's a big responsibility, and if you don't want to do it, I'll understand why.
Sam: I'd be honored.
Chris: Thank you. Great. I'll get back with a date and time. But right now it's time for James' little favorite TV show, so I'll be back in a bit.
Sam: Wait, wait, wait a second here. What was that all about?
Sheridan: What do you mean?
Sam: The way you just hugged Chris. I mean, you haven't forgotten about Luis already?
Ivy: Why can't you just let Fancy be happy? So what if she's falling in love with Noah Bennett. Cut her off from the Crane fortune if that's what you want, but don't break her heart. And don't ruin Sam and Noah's lives. They're no threat to you, Alistair.
Alistair: You're a stupid woman. For years you wanted Sam back. Then you got him back and you lost him all over again.
Ivy: And that was my fault. I should've been honest with Sam about Jessica's drug use.
Alistair: Well, that's nonsense. If Sam really loved you, that wouldn't matter to him at all.
Ivy: Love and trust go hand in hand, Alistair.
Alistair: Oh, Lord. Love is just a merchandising ploy to sell chocolates, greeting cards, and condoms. I mean, love does not exist. And what Fancy feels for Noah is the same thing that you feel for Sam -- lust, plain and simple.
Ivy: You are a heartless monster.
Alistair: I may be, but I'm head of this family. I'm in control, and what I say goes.
Ivy: Not this time. I'm going to go talk to Fancy and I'm going to tell her that she should follow her heart.
Ivy: You bastard!
Alistair: I think you have me confused with your firstborn son.
Ivy: Don't ever touch me again.
Alistair: I've always wanted you. You know that?
Alistair: And I will have you when the time is right.
Ivy: You're not only depraved, Alistair, you're delusional!
Alistair: Talk to Fancy if you want, but it's your own future you should worry about.
Alistair: Oh, because I have plans for you, Ivy. Plans that you might find abhorrent. But you be careful when you give Fancy any advice because it may come back to haunt you.
Noah: Yeah, Fancy's something else, all right. She's something special. To be with her, to know her -- she's definitely worth all the trouble Alistair's dished out. All right, how to post bail without making Dad sell his boat. Well, at least I can think in peace without being disturbed.
Officer: Sorry, Noah. Meet your new cellmate -- Thumper, courtesy of Alistair Crane.
Noah: Nice to meet you, too.
Grace: Isn't it true that you lied repeatedly to your ex-husband when he asked you about your past? Specifically, if you were intimate with Julian Crane? If you'd had another man's child? If you were a drunk, a drug addict, and a lady of the evening?
Eve: I wanted to answer T.C. honestly, but --
Grace: Yes or no? Did you lie to your ex-husband?
Grace: Isn't it also true that although you testified that you never cheated on your husband that you were seen, in fact, kissing Julian Crane while you were married to T.C. Russell?
Eve: No, but by that time, Liz had gotten my husband to kiss her several times.
Grace: Right, just yes or no. Were you kissing Julian Crane while you were married to T.C. Russell?
Grace: So you lied under oath?
Eve: Yes, but --
Grace: So why should the jury believe your claims that you did not attempt to murder Alistair Crane, Julian Crane, and Liz Sanbourne?
Eve: Because I didn't.
Grace: But you lie, don't you?
Eve: Yes, but you don't understand --
Grace: Oh, I think we understand perfectly, don't we?
Grace: No more questions.
Ethan: Yes, Your Honor. Dr. Russell, did you try to kill Julian Crane, his father, or your sister?
Eve: No, I didn't. I swear I didn't.
Ethan: No further questions.
Judge: You may step down.
Eve: Well, I guess I just put the last nail in my coffin. I'm going to be going to prison for the rest of my life.
Noah: You're going to let that guy in here with me?
Officer: Sorry. Orders.
Noah: You know the name of a good mortician?
Noah: Acid reflux?
Noah: Guess not. Look, I don't want any trouble, all right, so why don't you take the bed, the bunk, and you can even have the pillow.
Sheridan: Look, Chris is a single parent trying to raise his son in a strange town and I am just trying to help him. That doesn't mean that I've forgotten about Luis or Marty. In fact, I pray every night that Luis brings Marty home, but that hasn't happened.
Sam: Well, you know what Luis is up against trying to find Beth and Marty.
Sheridan: Yeah, he's up against all my father's powers and resources. But I just -- I ache to hold Marty. I just want to hold him in my arms, I want to read to him, bring him to the park.
Sam: What about Luis? You miss him, too?
Sheridan: Now, what kind of question is that?
Sam: The kind of question you don't want to answer. What if he doesn't bring Marty back? What if Luis comes back to Harmony without your son? Will you still want to be with Luis?
Sam: I watched you and Luis fall in love. You know, he has risked his life, his job, his soul to be with you. I'd just hate for you to forget how much Luis loves you.
Sheridan: I can't and I won't.
Sam: All right. I got to get out of here, all right? We'll talk later?
Sam: All right.
Sam: See you soon.
Sheridan: See you. Oh, Luis.
Chris: Well, James is watching "Captain Cranium and the Learniacs."
Sheridan: I remember that show. Yeah --
Chris and Sheridan: "Brainmeisters rule."
Chris: That's right. Uh, are you ok?
Sheridan: I was just talking to Sam about Luis.
Chris: You got a lot on your mind these days. I do, too, so that's why I was thinking maybe -- oh, forget it.
Chris: Well, you know, we've been focusing so much time on James, I thought we'd give the coloring books and Captain Cranium a rest and maybe go out for dinner and a movie.
Sheridan: You mean go out on a date?
Chris: Well, yeah, sort of. What do you say?
Judge: Counselors, please approach the bench.
Rebecca: What'd I miss?
Liz: Eve took the stand in her own defense, but whatever headway she was able to make with the jury was erased by Nancier's cross-examination. Eve is as good as convicted.
Rebecca: Oh. So we're down to the wire, huh?
Liz: Hey, you were a big help poisoning the jury against Eve.
Rebecca: Oh. You're pretty lethal yourself, Liz.
Judge: The jury will now deliberate Dr. Russell's fate.
Eve: There's no way I won't be found guilty.
Tabitha: Oh, dear. That's Rebecca's trademark "I'm up to something" look. I better nip whatever mischief she's got planned in the bud. This is no time to leave it to diva. Hmm! Well, now to find a recipe that will avert disaster. Eve must be found guilty whatever Rebecca does.
Officer: It's your lucky day, Noah. Bail's been posted.
Noah: Oh. Sorry there, Thumper. You know, I really wanted to dance, honey. So who posted my bail?
Officer: Don't know, but you'll find out soon enough.
Noah: All right. I really hope my dad didn't sell his boat.
Officer: This is your stuff. You're free to go.
Noah: Great. Who posted my bail?
Officer: She did.
Fancy: Noah, I'm so sorry.
Noah: Hey, Fancy. Look, it's not your fault, all right? It's not your fault I was set up, it's Alistair's.
Fancy: But how will you prove you're innocent?
Noah: Right now I'm just glad to be out of here, all right? And I have you to thank for bailing me out -- again. How'd you come up with the money?
Fancy: I just sold some jewelry my grandfather gave me.
Noah: I'm sorry.
Fancy: No, I -- I should be apologizing. Noah, I'm not good for you.
Noah: Hey, look, are you kidding? Come on, hey, you're the best thing that's happened to me since -- since ever.
Fancy: Stop. Don't make this any harder than it is, ok?
Noah: Wait, what?
Fancy: We -- we shouldn't see each other ever again.
Noah: Whoa, because of Alistair?
Fancy: Because I -- because I care about you too much to ruin your life.
Sheridan: Chris, I -- I'm sorry, but I can't go out on a date. It's just too soon.
Chris: I understand. Well, I'd better go and check on James, see if he's become a genius yet.
Sheridan: Ok. Luis, where are you? Where's Marty? What will I do if you come home without him?
Eve: God, the jury hates me. I'm going to prison for the rest of my life.
Julian: If only I'd gotten through to Rebecca.
Rebecca: Well, looks like the jury is going to find Eve guilty any time now.
Liz: Oh, let's hope so. Hey, I'm going to get a quick bite to eat. Can I get you something?
Rebecca: Oh, no, no, thanks.
Rebecca: Liz. Forgot your purse.
Liz: Thank you, Rebecca. You know what? I am glad we've gotten close. I really admire a woman who does anything to get what she wants.
Rebecca: Oh, Liz, you have no idea. Ah. But you, Eve, and Julian are about to find out.
Tabitha: Wrong, Rebecca. Whatever you're plotting, I am going to counter it until Eve is found guilty. Oh! Sheridan, Fancy, and Noah, Julian, T.C, and Eve, the pain that's coming your way you simply won't believe. Ooh!
On the Next Passions:
Tabitha: I have got to find a recipe that will make the jury find Eve guilty.
Gwen: I can't give up? Isn't that what you did?
Liz: I'm sure that verdict is guilty. Eve is toast.
Noah: You know what you get out of true love? Pain.
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