Tuesday 9/6/05--Canada; Wednesday 9/7/05--USA
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Proofread by Jodi
Noah: You want to know why I left your aunt's cottage? Fine, I'll tell you. I left because of you, Fancy.
Fancy: Um, I'm confused. When I asked you to leave Aunt Sheridan's, you refused. You said you weren't afraid to tell my grandfather that we're together. And then he heard a noise in the bedroom, went to check it out, and you were gone.
Noah: Right. I was ready to fight for our right to be together. That was until I heard you tell your gramps how you wanted to live a life of elegance and luxury, how you could never dream of slumming it with someone beneath you like your mother did with my father.
Fancy: I can explain why I said that.
Noah: Oh, there's no need. I realized that all the things I read about you were true. You're a self-centered, spoiled snob -- and a liar. That's why I left your aunt's cottage.
Tabitha: Now, that spell I cast on Fox and Kay should stop them using our hellish little home as their love nest. I should think Fox will be afraid to even kiss her again, let alone make whoopee with her. Don't ask, Endora. Never mind. Just don't interfere with what Mommy's doing, all right? Hmm-hmm! Fun, fun, fun.
Fox: What the hell --
Kay: Fox, what's wrong?
Fox: Why don't you tell me what's wrong?
Kay: Ok, why are you staring at me like that?
Fox: My God, what the hell happened to you?
Kay: Nothing happened. I'm still me and I still want you.
Fox: No, no, no, no -- no, you stay away from me, ok?
Announcer: The role of Sheridan Crane is temporarily being played by Shannon Sturges.
Sheridan: I mean it, Chris or Greg, or whatever your name is, I want you to get out! And tell my father that I am not the gullible, weak embarrassment for a daughter he thinks I am. You tell him that I will not be exploited anymore for his sick amusement. You tell him that I have finally grown a backbone these last few months, that his helping Beth hold me hostage and steal my son was the last straw. You tell him that I won't let anyone, especially him, make a victim out of me again.
Chris: I told you the truth, Sheridan. I don't work for your father. I am in the federal witness protection program.
Sheridan: I don't believe you. Now, you get out of here before I start swinging.
Chris: Just let me prove to you that I'm telling the truth, that I got in over my head with the wrong people laundering dirty money, that Maureen and James left me because of it. That when I got caught, I named names, and Uncle Sam's been watching my back ever since. That I came to Harmony hoping to fix what I'd broken with Maureen. I was too late. James is the only thing I have left of her. And I could lose him if you blow my cover.
Sheridan: Nice try. You know, the old Sheridan, she would've bought it. I don't. You tell my father that I am onto him. You tell him how dare he exploit the love I have for my child by bringing in another child for me to care about and then turning it against me. I'm going to tell him to save his money and pack you up and ship you back to South America or South Africa or wherever you think you're from.
Chris: You can't go to your father about me.
Sheridan: Why, afraid he's going to kill you for messing up the job?
Chris: I'm afraid I'm going to get killed, but not by your father.
Sheridan: Oh, right, the guys in the mob. I forgot.
Chris: Look, I risked my life and my son's life by telling you the truth. If you tell anyone, I could end up dead, and so can you.
Sheridan: I want you and Father's plans for me gone this instant.
Chris: Please, don't throw me out, if not for my sake, for my son's.
Sheridan: I don't even believe that James is your son.
Chris: He is, I swear!
Sheridan: Next you're going to offer a D.N.A. test to prove it's true.
Chris: If it will convince you that I'm telling the truth, you bet I will.
Sheridan: It won't! Father will rig the results. Now, you'd better get out of here before I start using you for batting practice.
Chris: If I leave, I'll have to take James with me.
Sheridan: Just another loose end, right?
Chris: If they find out that I'm James' father, it would be way too dangerous for him to stay here. Is that what you want?
Sheridan: I will give you five minutes to prove your story's true. Five minutes, that's all.
Fancy: Noah, I never meant for you to hear what I said to my grandfather..
Fancy: No, you don't understand. I didn't mean it. I just said what I knew Grandfather wanted to hear.
Noah: I don't buy it.
Fancy: It's true.
Noah: Look, now you're saying what you think I want to hear, all right? Well, save it. Look, you're not the person I thought you were, Fancy, all right? You're the spoiled rich girl the press makes you out to be, ways looking for a new thrill, something to keep you busy. And when our paths crossed in Vegas, you thought you found it. You were slumming it with me until some rich guy came along.
Fancy: That's not true.
Noah: You know, you really had me going, too. You know, that's why I set up, you know, dinner on the beach and dancing under the stars. I wanted to do something wonderful for the woman who I thought was the real deal on her last night in Harmony.
Fancy: Tonight was wonderful, Noah.
Noah: Then why did you lie to Alistair about who I am?
Fancy: I was trying to protect you.
Noah: Or trying to stay in Alistair's good graces by saying I played golf at the country club.
Fancy: I said you'd spent a lot of time on the course.
Noah: As a caddie, not as member.
Fancy: I don't care, but Grandfather would.
Noah: Enough "buts," all right? Look, you said you were trying to protect me, but I think you were only trying to protect yourself.
Ivy: Oh, I knew this would happen. I knew Fancy would disappoint Noah.
Sam: Hey, Ivy, what's up?
Ivy: Oh, Fancy and Noah, they're having a little heart-to-heart. Seems my daughter ruined their big date last night.
Sam: Oh. Sorry to hear that.
Ivy: Where are you going?
Sam: I was going to get a drink from the living room. The hard stuff's in there, but by the look on your face, I'll grab a beer from the fridge.
Ivy: I just think Fancy and Noah need some private time.
Sam: Ah, you're right. The kids don't need us butting into their lives. Not a lot of good it seems to do anyway. Jessica's out on the streets with Spike, Grace's niece Charity is God knows where. You know, at least Kay seems to be getting her life back together again. Which reminds me -- Fox seemed to have put Whitney behind him and moved on with Kay.
Ivy: Well, I knew there was some interest there, but --
Sam: It looked like more than a casual flirtation to me.
Ivy: Where did you see Fox and Kay?
Sam: Just a minute ago when I was driving up. The two them were practically stumbling over each other getting into Tabitha's house.
Sam: Got a problem with that?
Ivy: I wouldn't want to see Fox or Kay move on to anything too serious too soon, you know? Of course with Tabitha there as a live-in chaperone, I guess they couldn't get carried away even if they wanted to.
Ivy's voice: At least I hope so.
Tabitha: Mortals say it's not one's physical appearance that matters, It's a person's inner beauty that makes one attractive. However, the look on Fox's face clearly states otherwise.
Kay: Ok, why are you backing away from me when, like, two seconds ago you couldn't wait to get me back here and make love to me?
Fox: That was before.
Kay: Before what? What's wrong with you?
Fox: What's wrong with -- what's wrong with you?
Kay: Why are you acting like this? Kiss me, Fox. Make love to me.
Tabitha: You will not have a tantrum, young lady. I'm still your mother and you will do as I say. Now, you be a good, bad little witchling and just enjoy Mommy's mayhem.
Kay: Make love to me, Fox make love to me.
Fox: Uh-uh, no. No.
Fox: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Kay: Oh, yes, Fox, yes.
Tabitha: Ooh, Kay's transformation makes Edna Wallace look like an ingénue. Judging by Fox's reaction, he's not into older women.
Tabitha: Where's that music coming from?
Kay: Fox, why are you acting like this, ok? You're scaring me.
Fox: No. Huh? You're scaring me.
Fox: Well, because -- because you're, uh --
Fox: That's music?
Kay: Ooh, I love it. Let's dance.
Fox: No! What?
Kay: Let's dance!
Kay: Fox! Fox.
Kay: Yeah. Who else? Ow.
Fox: Just that you were --
Kay: Worried about you? Yeah, I was. Why were you acting like I scared you or something?
Fox: Oh. Yeah, that. No, I -- ahem -- you didn't seem like you were at all yourself there for a bit, you know?
Kay: Well, I can't imagine why.
Tabitha: Well, I can. You conjured up that song on this little gizmo, didn't you? And then you used it as an antidote to the spell that I cast on Kay. Ah, you sneaky little princess. Do you know you helped the good side make a love connection, Endora? Yes, you did.
Sam: I just want Kay to be happy.
Ivy: We both want that for our children.
Sam: Do you really think that Noah and Fancy are going to try to hook up?
Ivy: Over my dead body.
Fancy: If you don't believe me, fine, but I had to say all the things I said to my grandfather.
Fancy: To protect me and you. If he found out we'd been on a date, he'd be furious that I lied to him when I said I'd never see you again, and he'd be angry at you for having the nerve not to know your place and daring to see me. If Grandfather didn't have his people to take care of you, he could let those gangsters from Vegas come for you after all.
Noah: I can take care of myself.
Fancy: I know, I've seen you in action, but Grandfather always stacks the odds in his favor. You wouldn't stand a chance.
Noah: Alistair did stick it to my father and my grandfather, and half the people in Harmony, for that matter. Well, he'll eventually get around to the other half.
Fancy: You have to believe me, Noah. That's why I said what said to Grandfather at Aunt Sheridan's. I was trying to keep him from finding out that we -- hit it off.
Noah: Look, you didn't have to bother, all right? People like us, we hook up in the beginning because opposites attract. But in the long run, it never works out.
Fancy: My mother and your father were together.
Noah: Yeah, and look what happened to them.
Fancy: What about Aunt Sheridan and Luis ? They'd probably still be together if Grandfather hadn't messed with them.
Noah: I don't totally buy that.
Fancy: Why not?
Noah: If Sheridan and Luis were meant to be together, they'd be together no matter what Alistair did to them.
Sheridan: There's the computer. Your five minutes start now.
Chris: All I have to do is go online to prove to you I am who I say I am.
Sheridan: So you say.
Sheridan: So Greg Walton is your real name after all?
Sheridan: All that proves to me is that you've lied.
Chris: But for good reason. Look, it's all there -- my ties to the mob as a money manager, the opening of the offshore accounts, and then finally me dropping out of sight.
Sheridan: He doesn't look much like you.
Chris: Hold on. It's me.
Sheridan: That looks like you.
Chris: Because it's me. Do you believe me now?
Sheridan: I believe that you're good with computers.
Chris: That's what got me into trouble in the first place.
Sheridan: How do I know that you didn't just plant these stories so you could show them to me later?
Chris: You're awfully good with conspiracy theories.
Sheridan: When your father is Alistair Crane, they're usually not theories, they're usually facts of life.
Chris: All right, what about this -- name a big city and I'll pull up an article on me.
Sheridan: You're serious?
Chris: Well, I couldn't very well plant a story in every big newspaper, now, could I?
Sheridan: Ok. Dallas.
Chris: There you go.
Sheridan: Tampa, Florida.
Chris: Do you believe me now, or would you like to go three-three?
Sheridan: How about you try Tacoma, Washington?
Sheridan: The odds are in your favor but when you're dealing with a man like my father, nothing is beyond the realm of possibility.
Chris: Look, I know what kind of power a man like Alistair Crane wields, but he's not God.
Sheridan: No, he's just the opposite.
Chris: I wasn't exactly an angel, Sheridan. Read the articles. I was in over my head with the mob. The feds gave me a choice -- you either talk or you do time. So I told them what I knew and they put me in the witness protection program. Look, you knew Maureen, you know James. You know I'm not making this stuff up.
Sheridan: I felt so sad for her. She was all alone except for James. She was so young when she died. Did you really love her?
Chris: God, yes. Of course I loved her.
Sheridan: Then why did she leave you?
Chris: I told you I put making money before my family.
Sheridan: I know what you said. I'm just wondering if it's true.
Tabitha: You naughty little witch, you. Will you stop with these spells, Endora, or you're going to get in trouble with the boys downstairs.
Kay: Ok, did that earthquake rattle your brain a little bit, because you definitely lost it there for a little bit.
Fox: Did I? Did I really, because I know what I saw, Kay.
Kay: Tell me.
Fox: No, I'm sure you're right. I mean, maybe those thugs at the park punched me in the head harder than I thought or something. Well, look, whatever was bothering me before, I'm fine now, so --
Kay: Ok, good.
Kay's voice: Something tells me Tabitha is behind whatever just happened.
Fox: As I recall, you were going to go check on the girls and Tabitha before the bed start shaking?
Kay: Yeah, well, they must be ok because we would've heard something.
Fox: That's a good point.
Kay: So do you, uh, want to pick up where we left off?
Fox: Well, I'm game if you are.
Kay: Oh, I'm game.
Fox: Oh, do you mind if I make the first move?
Kay: Yeah, go for it.
Tabitha: Oh, no! Fox and Kay are poised for push-push again. Well, not on this witch's watch, kids.
Fancy: There's another reason I lied about you to Grandfather. Even though he's mean and hateful toward everyone else, Grandfather loves me. Why is anyone's guess, but he's been there for me my whole life, way more than my parents ever were. It sounds crazy, but I love him for that and I'd hate to ever disappoint him.
Noah: That includes owning up to caring about a working-class bum like me? Look, it doesn't matter, all right? You're off to Paris tomorrow and we'll probably never see each other again.
Fancy: Actually, I'm not leaving for Paris after all. I'm staying in Harmony.
Fancy: Because Grandfather wants me to.
Noah: Is that the only reason?
Sam: What did you say?
Ivy: Look, Sam, Fancy and Noah, they look good together, but please, I have no doubt that Fancy is not the right girl for Noah.
Sam: Ivy, she's your daughter.
Ivy: Yeah, she is, and I love her. I do. It's just Fancy was raised in the lap of luxury. She has no idea how to share or make sacrifices. She simply isn't grounded enough or mature enough for a real relationship. If she and Noah got together, please, she wouldn't know the first thing about keeping house, sticking to a budget, doing laundry, anything.
Sam: Pele used to say the same thing about you -- Governor's daughter. You married a Crane, lived like a queen, til Grace left and you tried to make a happy home here for me.
Ivy: Tried and failed. I don't want Noah to go through the same thing you did, Sam. And as long as Fancy is a little girl living under Alistair's thumb, please, any chance for a relationship with Noah, it's impossible.
Jessica: Daddy --
Sam: My God.
Chris: My parents were divorced and I came home to an empty house every day. I was determined to do whatever it took to make sure that my family was safe.
Chris: I didn't realize that it'd be the very thing that would drive us apart. Now, I failed Maureen, but I will not fail James. I've searched long and I finally have him back now. So please, Sheridan, don't tell anybody what I've told you. Please keep my secret safe so I can keep my son.
Chris: Please don't tell anyone anything I've told you. It's a matter of life and death.
Sheridan: Chris, it's ok. It's ok, your secret's safe with me.
Chris: Thank you. Thank you so much. Talk about a weight being lifted off my shoulders.
Sheridan: You know, I had amnesia once. I know how hard it is to lose your identity and have to start over again. You've been through so much pain and stress. I don't want to add anything to that.
Chris: You're incredible, you know that?
Sheridan: It's late. I'm going to bed.
Chris: Sheridan, there's one more thing. There's another reason I told you the truth.
Chris: Well, now that you know my situation, I was hoping that if anything ever happened to me, that you'd take care of James.
Sheridan: Really? I mean, I'm -- I'm so touched that you would ask me, but, I mean, isn't there someone else who would want him?
Chris: Maureen's parents, but I don't know where they live, and I don't even know how to find out.
Sheridan: I'm sure the feds could find them if they had to.
Chris: I wouldn't want them to. They're not nice people. If they knew that Maureen and I were both gone, they'd fight for custody of James, even though it would be my wish that you look after James.
Sheridan: Maureen's parents sound like some people in my family. It's either their way or the highway.
Chris: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have -- I shouldn't have laid that on you.
Sheridan: No, Chris, it's all right. And the answer's yes. Oh, if anything were to happen to you, please know that I would take James and I would fight for him if I had to.
Noah: What's keeping you from leaving Harmony for Paris?
Fancy: My grandfather told me he won't be traveling much anymore. He wants me to stay here so we can spend some time together.
Noah: You know, you don't have to if you don't want to.
Fancy: Actually, I do.
Noah: Wait, why?
Fancy: Money. My parents never let me have any money of my own, and since I don't work, I count on Grandfather for support.
Noah: And if you don't do what he says, he'll cut you off.
Fancy: And then what would I do?
Noah: You know, you'd get a job.
Fancy: No, seriously, what would I do?
Noah: Seriously, you'd get a job.
Fancy: Work? For money?
Noah: That's how most people do it.
Fancy: I don't see you punching a timecard.
Noah: Look, what about that line of jewelry you were coming out with? I did some sketches, but the investors were interested in using my name more than using my design
Noah: So why not just design, manufacture, and distribute your own creations on the internet?
Fancy: Me, run my own business?? I wouldn't know where to start.
Noah: I could teach you.
Sam: Honey, what happened?
Jessica: It's Spike.
Sam: What about him?
Jessica: Spike wants me back, but I'm not sure I'm ready.
Sam: Sweetheart, be honest with me, ok? Did he hurt you?
Jessica: No, no, it's nothing like that. I was just hoping I could stay here tonight.
Sam: Honey, of course you can. This is your home.
Jessica: Thanks, Daddy. I know I've given you a hard time --
Sam: Shh. Listen, don't even worry about that, ok? What matters is that you're here now.
Ivy: Would you like something to eat or to drink?
Jessica: Hmm. Ivy, why are you still here?
Sam: Sweetheart, I told you that Ivy's been here trying to help me get things back to normal after the earthquake and the tsunami.
Ivy: I just thought I'd stay here rather than going back to the mansion.
Jessica: Yeah, well, if she stays, I won't!
Tabitha: Stop it, you two! No more nookie! All right, if you won't stop, I'll make you stop. Still at it. Well, not for much longer.
Tabitha: Oh! What the heaven? Oh.
Tabitha: Oh, Endora, make that serpent disappear this instant! Endora.
Tabitha: Oh! Ah! That is not what I meant, Endora, and you know it.
Tabitha: Oh, Endora -- release me! Let me go at once! I am your mother. Now, you do as you're told, young lady! You are in deep guano, Endora. Deep, no!
Fox: Wow. That was perfect.
Kay: It was amazing.
Fox: Hmm. Well, you inspired me.
Kay: So, I'm as good all those other girls you've been with?
Fox: What? After being with you, I can't even remember any of those other girls.
Kay: Not even Tatiana?
Fox: Are you -- I'm not doing that again, ok? I'm not going down that road, we're not going to start World War III by talking about my ex-girlfriends. As far as I'm concerned, we're starting fresh right now.
Fancy: Noah, I appreciate your offer to teach me to be self-sufficient, but that would mean turning my back on my grandfather and I can't do that. Besides, what would you teach me exactly? How to be a professional gambler? Moving from one casino to the next, making enemies along the way? No, thank you. That's too dangerous for me.
Noah: And living under someone's thumb? That's dangerous, too.
Fancy: I know. And maybe I have my moments when I'm not so proud of it, but I'm not strong or brave like you are. I wish I was, but -- maybe in my next life?
Noah: You know, it's too bad. We made a good team in Vegas.
Fancy: Yeah, we did.
Noah: It's a shame we couldn't stay paired up out here.
Fancy: It is a shame.
Noah: I guess this is goodbye.
Ivy: Look, Sam, maybe I should go. I don't want to cause any more trouble.
Sam: Ivy, you're a guest in my house. I want you to stay.
Ivy: Yeah, but Jessica --
Sam: Jessica's been in therapy with me. Now, she knows that if she wants to live in this house, she has to live by my rules.
Jessica: No, I don't!
Sam: Yes, you do.
Jessica: The only rules I have to live by are my own. And if you pick Ivy over me, I'm leaving and never coming back.
Chris: Are you sure you'll take care of James for me if something happened to me, even if it meant fighting Maureen's parents for custody?
Sheridan: They couldn't possibly fight any dirtier than my family. My own father has tried to kill me more times than I could count even my brother had it in for me, at father's insistence. Julian's changed, I trust him now. But not my father. He's hired unscrupulous psychiatrists to mess with my head for years. And not so long ago, he had me undergo electroshock treatments so I would forget my love for Luis.
Chris: Did it work?
Sheridan: No. So Father helped Beth escape with my son, hoping that then I would blame Luis for doubting that Marty was my child.
Chris: Do you blame Luis?
Sheridan: I would have my son with me now if Luis had believed me and helped fight for Marty earlier. So if Maureen's parents want to give me a fight for James, they're going to regret taking me on.
Sam: Sweetheart, I'm not choosing Ivy over you.
Jessica: Yes, you are. Picking your first love over me, you own daughter!
Sam: Sweetheart --
Jessica: Yeah, don't touch me! You know, I was wrong to come here. You don't love me, you just want to control me. Well, forget it. I'll go crash someplace else.
Sam: Jessica! Jessica!
Ivy: Sam, what are you doing? Go after her.
Sam: Look, it kills me, but I can't. The therapist told me that I have to use tough love. I can't save Jessica from herself. All I can do is be here for her, and I will.
Ivy: Oh, Sam, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know how much our children can hurt us.
Fancy: What do you mean we won't be seeing each other again? I told you I'm not going to Paris.
Noah: Oh, I heard you. I just think it's better if I stayed on my side of the tracks and you keep to yours. That's what you wanted, right?
Fancy: No, I said I didn't want to rock the boat with my grandfather.
Noah: Smooth sailing it is, then. I'll leave you alone in your life, and you can leave me alone in mine.
Sheridan: You and James can count on me no matter what. Now that I understand your situation, I'm going to do whatever I can to keep you both happy and safe. And if Maureen's parents want to find James and cause trouble, I'll help you fight them.
Chris: What a relief.
Sheridan: You're not alone, Chris -- you or James. You both have me.
Chris: Thank you, Sheridan. I don't know what I would've do if you didn't believe me.
Tabitha: Endora, please, will you let me go? I'm not done with Fox and Kay yet. Oh! If you don't set me free by the time I count to five, I'm going to scream bloody murder! And whoever or whatever comes to rescue me will probably put me in therapy for eons to come. One, two, three -- oh --
[Tabitha speaks unintelligibly]
Kay: Look, I appreciate everything that you've said and done for me, but the truth is, Fox, as long as I'm trapped in that dead-end job at the cannery, I'm never going to be somebody you're proud to be with.
Fox: That's not true. That's not true at all. A I think you're amazing. I do. You take care of Maria, you go to school, you're supporting yourself.
Kay: So you admire me?
Kay: But at the end of the day, I'm still a smelly mess.
Fox: Well -- maybe until now.
Kay: What do you mean, "until now"?
Fox: Well, I just now came up with an idea.
Fox: Well, it's a surprise.
Kay: Tell me.
Fox: No, I can't tell you, it'll ruin it. But you'll love it, trust me.
On the Next Passions:
Katherine: Pilar, I would like to speak to you. There is something you need to know.
Martin: Katherine is still in my heart.
Liz: You have to promise that you'll never see T.C. or your daughters again.
Julian: If I find out that you've rigged Eve's trial, I will kill you.
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