Tuesday 8/23/05--Canada; Wednesday 8/24/05--USA
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Proofread by Jodi
Sheridan: Well, Mark was just being fussy. I just straightened the covers and he went right back to nap land.
Chris: You have a knack with kids, Sheridan, and Mark's not even your own son.
Sheridan: Marty. God, I miss him so much.
Chris: I know the feeling.
Sheridan: So, you were saying about your son --
Chris: Do you think that Luis will ever find Beth and Marty?
Sheridan: How did you know about Luis going after Beth?
Fancy: Noah and I washed a ton of dishes. Why wasn't that enough to pay off his debt?
Payne: Well, dish duty paid off the debt, but this next job will pay off the interest to the debt. So when you're done, Noah and I will be even.
Noah: Yeah, all right, what do we have to clean now?
Payne: See for yourselves.
Fancy: Oh, god.
Payne: What's the matter with you people? Never seen a used restroom before?
Fancy: Used by what, wild animals with upset stomachs?
Noah: And bad aim?
Simone: Hey. Kay, I'm glad we could hang out together.
Kay: Yeah, me, too. Hey, you sounded a little tense when you called. Is everything ok?
Simone: Where's my list?
Simone: Well, for starters, my dad has decided he wants my mom back.
Simone: Yeah. And Whitney is joining a cloistered convent so she and Chad will stop sinning up the sheets.
Kay: Hmm. It's better late than never. Hey!
Fox: Hey! Hey, Simone.
Sam: We'll try to call Noah later. Maybe we should start talking about what the therapist told us that we need to go over.
Jessica: Can't I watch a little TV first?
Sam: Well, after you decide when you want to go back to school. We need to start thinking about what you want to do with your life.
Jessica: Do I have to decide today?
Sam: No, but, you know, you should be weighing your options.
Jessica: Before or after I clean up from breakfast, make my bed, and do your laundry?
Sam: Jessica -- honey, what's going on? When you first came back, it seemed like you were your old self again -- loving, caring. Now you're --
Jessica: Refusing to be told what to do. Ivy, why are you always here?
Liz: Oh. Forget the wine. This calls for champagne.
Eve: Liz, you are drunk.
Kay: No, Eve, I'm giddy. Giddy because Julian has finally seen what a two-timing whore you really are.
Eve: Oh, Julian.
Noah: Fancy, look, don't worry, I'll clean this restroom up myself.
Fancy: Ok. Prestine and I will be in the car -- with the doors locked.
Payne: Not so fast, beauty queen. Ok, you're the one who fell into Noah, hit his arm, made him miss the shot that made him lose the game to Tiny.
Fancy: That behemoth tripped me.
Payne: Yeah, but the point is, is that you're partly to blame for Noah losing my money. So you have to clean up part of the restroom.
Fancy: I thought the Environmental Protection Agency was in charge of cleaning up toxic waste.
Payne: Stop stalling and start scrubbing.
Fancy: Are you sure I can't pay off his debt with my titanium card? I'm Fancy Crane. Money isn't an issue.
Payne: You can't put a price on a nice, clean bathroom. So cleaning up that mess is the only way the two of you can take care of Noah's debt. Besides, a Haz Mat team wouldn't touch it. So get moving.
Noah: Oh. Oh, Fancy, wait. You really don't have to help me with this. I'll clean the restroom myself.
Fancy: No, no. I know you don't think I can handle cleaning up this open sewer of a restroom, but I can. I've seen my own servants clean my bathroom.
Noah: Ok. You ready? We're going in!
Fancy: Oh, God! Please tell me that's not a dead rat in there!
Noah: Oh, if only. Ugh!
Simone: Ice cream's melting.
Fox: Right. Ok.
Kay: Oh, sorry. Sorry, we didn't mean to be rude.
Fox: Our deepest apologies. Mint chocolate chip?
Simone: Oh, thanks, you keep it. I'm trying to cut back on sugar.
Fox: Yeah? All right. Well, not Endora and Maria. They're made of sugar, aren't you? You made of sugar?
Kay: They love Fox.
Simone: So I see.
Kay: Well, he knows how to put a smile on a girl's face.
Simone: Any girl but Whitney. Look, Fox, I'm sorry for what my sister put you through with Chad and Miles. It must have really hurt to find out the truth.
Fox: Yeah, you know, in a way, I guess it did. It's for the best, though, you know? Finally realized why she wouldn't marry me, why she gave the baby up for adoption. Anyway --
Kay: So --
Fox: May take a while, but I'm trying to get over it, so --
Kay: Did you ever tell your parents why you didn't go to California?
Simone: I didn't have to. Daddy figured it out. But he still doesn't know why I stayed in Harmony.
Kay: Why did you?
Simone: Well, I was hoping that we could talk about that, just the two of us.
Kay: Yeah, sure. Ok.
Sam: Jessica, I don't want you talking to Ivy that way.
Jessica: Yeah, well, I don't want Ivy here.
Sam: Well, too bad because she's staying. Now, I want you to apologize for being so rude.
Jessica: I am getting tired of being told what to do.
Sam: Jessica, this is your home. Everyone who lives in this house has to abide by some rules, ok? And one of the rules is that we're supposed to be nice to our guests. Apologize now.
Jessica: Ok. I'm sorry that you're still here.
Jessica: We don't need her, Daddy. Our family was cleaning up things just fine without her.
Sam: I want her here.
Jessica: I don't.
Ivy: Maybe I should just leave.
Sam: Ivy, stay right there. This is my guest, and I expect you to be nice to her.
Jessica: Yeah, well, we all want things we can't have.
Sam: Don't you get smart with me.
Jessica: Then leave me alone.
Sam: Oh, yeah, and do what, sit around here and do nothing? Everyone who lives in this house has responsibilities, including you.
Jessica: Right. Why pay a maid when I can cook and clean for free?
Sam: We never had a maid here.
Jessica: Yes, we did. Her name was Mom.
Sam: Jessica --
Jessica: This "I'm the man, I call the shots" crap may have worked on Mom, but it doesn't work on me. I am legally an adult. You can't tell me what to do.
Sam: And I'm still your father and I'm still the one that makes the rules in this house.
Jessica: Screw you and your rules.
Sam: That is it. You're grounded.
Jessica: You can't hold me prisoner.
Sam: I am trying to teach you that your actions have consequences. So zip your little mouth, do your part around here, and everything will be just fine.
Jessica: For who, you? Give me a freaking break.
Sam: I have given you plenty. I've given you a safe haven away from Spike and his so-called love. I've given you a cell phone so you can keep in touch with us. I've given you food, I've given you clothes.
Jessica: You want to keep me prisoner, and I'm sick of it!
Sam: You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of you acting like an ungrateful brat who thinks that she can do whatever the hell she wants to do, and screw everyone else!
Jessica: That's it, I'm out of here!
Sam: Jessica! Jessica!
Chris: How do I know about Luis going after Beth and Marty? The same way I know your son's name. You're a Crane. Your life is in the newspapers and tabloids, on television.
Sheridan: Right. And you're a reporter who stays on top of the news.
Chris: So you've got temporary custody of Mark, but C.P.S. is still looking for his relatives, right?
Sheridan: Right. I really hope they don't find anyone, though. I just love him so much. He's a wonderful little boy.
Chris: Yeah, my son's a great kid, too -- or at least I think he must be. I haven't seen him in years. He used to be the cutest little boy in these little shirts his mother used to make.
Sheridan: That's so sweet. Well, if anyone knows how hard it is to be separated from a child, I certainly do. That's why I feel so blessed that Mark came along when he did. If he hadn't, I would just be lost. Lost and alone.
Sheridan: Excuse me. Grace's Bed-and-Breakfast. Speaking. What? Yes, of course, I can bring Mark down right away. Thank you.
Chris: Are you ok?
Sheridan: Yeah. That was just the agency saying that I need to bring Mark down to sign some additional paperwork on him. I thought they were calling to say that I need to bring him back.
Eve: Oh, honey, I'm so sor--
Julian: No, you -- you were kissing T.C.
Eve: Yes, I was. You know, we were just talking about our children and our life together and we both just got carried away.
Liz: Oh, forget the champagne. Somebody bring me my camera. Oh, Julian, you should see the look on your face. It's priceless. Hey, say "sleaze!" Click, click, click.
T.C.: Liz, stop it.
Eve: Or else.
Liz: Poor naive Julian. You never actually thought that Eve would cheat on you, did you? Didn't Alistair ever teach you that old saying, "once a whore, always a whore"?
Eve: Shut up, Liz!
Liz: Guess not. Hey, sister, your anger's really misplaced here. I didn't force you to kiss T.C., nor did I make him go running after you, professing his true and undying love and asking you to get back together with him.
T.C.: Liz is right, Julian. I still love Eve and I want her back.
Simone: Can we talk now? I really need to talk to you.
Kay: Yeah. Fox -- Fox, you're dripping, oh, god, everywhere.
Fox: Mmm. Thank you.
Kay: You're welcome. Sorry, sorry. Ok, what is it?
Simone: Can we talk in private?
Kay: Yeah, yeah. You know, there used to be one of those mechanical pony rides, you know, like the ones you put a quarter in, but the tsunami must have washed it away. Fox could've given Endora a ride and we could've talked.
Simone: Where'd that pony come from?
Kay: I wonder.
Fox: Well, that is interesting. Want to go for a pony ride, huh? Pony ride it is.
Kay: Sorry, Simone, Maria -- she's going to get upset if I don't go over there, so we'll talk later, ok, I promise.
Julian: Is that true, Eve? T.C. told you he still loves you and he wants you back?
Eve: Yes, Julian, it's true.
Julian: That's why you were kissing him?
Eve: Yes. No. No, Julian, it's like I told you, we were just talking, and then -- and then we just --
Julian: Then you kissed.
Liz: Ask Eve how long she's known T.C. wants her back.
Eve: Liz, would you please stop it?
Liz: Stop what, Eve? You say you've changed from your younger, sluttier years, that you're an honest woman now, no secrets, nothing to hide? Go ahead, tell Julian how long you've known T.C. loves you and wants you back. Eve?
Eve: T.C. told me when we were trapped together during the tsunami.
Julian: You didn't tell me till now?
Eve: I didn't know how to tell you.
Liz: See, T.C.? That's the same thing she said when she was making excuses about her past and why she kept it a secret -- her past as Julian's drugged-out whore, the whore who had his bastard son. Oh, goodness gracious, Eve. Even without me to blame, you are still the same lying slut you always were.
Ivy: Sam, maybe we should just go look for Jessica.
Sam: No, not yet. The therapist told me when Jessica acts out the way she did that I'm supposed to just give her some time to cool off, you know, come around on her own. I'm afraid if I went after her right now, I'd make a bad situation worse.
Ivy: I'm just so sorry. This is all my fault.
Sam: No, Ivy, it is not your fault. It's Jessica's choice. I can give her advice, but in the end, it's Jessica's decision to live her life the way she wants to. I can't decide for her. The only thing I can do is be here for her, and I will be. I just pray to God that she comes back, and she comes back to stay this time.
Jessica: Hey, Louella. Have you seen Spike?
Louella: Got any of them smiley stickers on you, hon?
Jessica: No, no. What about Spike?
Louella: I'll settle for reefer.
Jessica: Oh, hey, Grady! Have you seen Spike?
Grady: Not since that big wave washed me five miles inland. I just got back. Damn, I wish I could find my shopping cart.
Spike: So, Jess, why you looking for me?
Spike: What do you want?
Fancy: Finding those shovels really gave us a jump on this mess.
Noah: And you only gagged once. I'm impressed.
Fancy: Thanks. Of course, when I was growing up, the servants I watched cleaning the mansion never had filth like this to contend with. No wonder Grandfather calls normal people "the great unwashed."
Noah: Wait a sec. You know --
Fancy: Did I miss a spot?
Noah: No, with everything that happened after you made me miss that shot playing pool earlier, I forgot to ask -- were you coming here looking for me?
Fancy: Yes. And thanks to Crane security, I found you.
Noah: You went to all that trouble, huh?
Fancy: Well, I had to tell you that you didn't need to leave town to protect your family from those Vegas thugs coming to smoke you. My grandfather took care of things. We don't ever have to worry about those mobsters following us ever again. Isn't it great?
Noah: No! It bites big-time! Look, thanks for making a bad situation worse!
Ivy: Still no sign of Jessica?
Ivy: Can I get you something to eat or a drink?
Sam: No. No. You know, I remember when I used to be a beat cop, I'd answer calls on domestic abuse, domestic violence. My God, it killed me going into those homes, seeing the parents and their children arguing, sometimes fighting. And now I'm right in the middle of a domestic dispute with my younger daughter in what used to be a happy home. My God, I never thought this would ever happen to my family. Took so much for granted then. And now? How did things get so bad?
Spike: So, Jess, why are you here? I thought your sister and Fox Crane convinced you to go back home to live with Daddy.
Jessica: They did, but I couldn't stop thinking about you, Spike. You were right about everything you said. I went back to Daddy's and, yeah, everything was ok at first, but then he started treating me like a kid again. I felt like he wanted to keep me prisoner, and I can't live like that. I want to live with you, Spike. I want us to be a couple again. Can I come back to you, please?
Spike: Hmm. Well, that depends. You know, you broke my heart, Jess.
Jessica: No, I didn't mean to.
Spike: I know, baby. You've been under a lot of pressure. I can see you still are. Your old man has you wound up so tight. I'm afraid that you could snap any second, honey.
Jessica: Yeah, I'd like to calm down. You have anything to take the edge off?
Spike's voice: Jess needs me to love her as much as she needs the drug on these stickers.
Spike: Here, baby. Put a smile on your face.
Jessica: Oh, not many men would be so nice to me after I left you the way I did.
Spike: Well, baby, you know how I feel about you.
Jessica: I'm really sorry for the way I treated you, Spike -- so sorry.
Spike: Are you? Are you sorry enough to work the streets again?
Liz: That's right, Julian, even after Eve's secrets torpedoed her picture-perfect life, even after she lectured her girls ad nauseam about the importance of being honest, your fiancée still failed to tell you that her ex wants her back. You know what? If you wind up marrying her, I'm getting you a lie detector for a wedding present.
Julian: Eve -- I understand why you didn't tell me that T.C. wants you back. You were trying to protect my feelings.
T.C.: Eve, Julian's right. This is all my fault. If I hadn't turned my back on you when your past come out, this wouldn't be an issue with Julian right now.
Eve: Thank you. Thank you both for being so understanding.
Liz: I can't believe what I'm hearing. You're both letting her off the hook? What is she, Teflon?
Julian: Eve wanted to keep T.C.'s wishes private.
T.C.: I put Eve in an awkward position.
Liz: Of course she was in an awkward position! She's a lying whore!
Julian: You know, I said from the start that I love you and I only want what you want, and if getting back with T.C. to rebuild the family you once shared is your heart's desire, I'll step aside.
T.C.: Thank you, Julian.
Liz: You are both certifiable.
T.C.: No, I'm -- I'm just crazy in love with Eve.
Julian: Always have, always will be.
Chris: Sheridan, you can't live in fear of losing Mark. You have to enjoy it for however long it might last.
Sheridan: I wish I could. I just can't stop thinking about Marty. I miss him so much. I'm sorry. You've only ever seen me upset. You must think I'm an emotional basket case.
Chris: What I think is that you're hurting. Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you? Maybe drive you and Mark down to Child Protective Services?
Sheridan: No, thank you. I'll be fine.
Chris: Ok. Well, I've got to run. I'm late for an appointment. I'll see you later?
Sheridan: See you later.
Sheridan: Mark! Oh! You got up all by yourself.
Man: Good day, Ms. Crane.
Sheridan: Hi. I'm here to sign the paperwork regarding Mark's temporary custody.
Man: Oh, yeah. I'm afraid some things have changed since we talked.
Sheridan: What do you mean, changed?
Man: I'm sorry, but it turns out there's been a lead on finding Mark's father.
Sheridan: Oh, no.
Kay: Simone. Hey, can you take a picture of us with the pony? Simone? Oh. Wonder where she went.
Simone: I wish I could've talked to Kay, but she had her hands full with the kids, Fox. I'm glad she seems happy, though. Guess that's what falling in love does to a person.
Simone: Get your hands off Jessica!
Jessica: Hey, Simone, don't!
Simone: Leave Jessica alone, you sleaze.
Liz: I think I'm having a stroke. You can't both possibly still want to be with Eve.
T.C.: I do.
Julian: As do I.
Liz: But she's proven once again that all she does is lie!
Julian: Why don't you have another drink, dear. You look like you could use it.
T.C.: Yeah, Liz, why don't you just calm down.
Julian: Eve, no matter who you decide to be with, I will honor that. I do hope it's me. I love you so very much.
T.C.: I love you, too, sweetheart. And if I've lost you to Julian, it's my fault.
Eve: Julian, T.C., I -- I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.
T.C.: Sweetheart, I want you to think of all the wonderful memories we shared in this house. I know all this is my fault. But if you decide to take me back, I promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy again. I want you to think about our house. This used to be our home, sweetheart, and it could still be our home. Think of all the wonderful memories we had here. Do you remember how we used to sit by the fireplace, drink wine, eat cheese?
T.C.: Listen to music after we put the girls to bed?
Eve: Yes, I remember, T.C.
T.C.: To my beautiful wife and a wonderful mother.
Eve: To my handsome husband and the wonderful, loving father of our daughters, the man who has my heart.
T.C.: Sweetheart, please, don't turn your back on our history and our love. It was great then, and it could still be.
Fancy: Why are you angry? You don't need to leave Harmony to protect your family from any more Vegas lowlifes. You're safe now and so is everyone you love.
Noah: Yeah, for a price.
Fancy: You lost me.
Noah: Look, your grandfather Alistair, he -- I don't want to be indebted to a man who has done nothing but cause my family grief for decades.
Fancy: And people say I'm ungrateful. I handed you a reprieve from life on the lam and you just turned up your nose.
Noah: Because Alistair and his help both stink, all right? I mean, look, how did he do it? You know, I thought you said he didn't have any pull with those types of people.
Fancy: I don't know how my grandfather does anything. I just know that he took care of it.
Noah: Yeah, well, all right. Now, I see why he would help you, but why would he help me?
Fancy: Because I asked him to.
Noah: Wait. You asked him? So what did you say to your grandfather about me, huh?
Fancy: I don't remember my exact words, exactly.
Noah: Ok, just tell me this -- did you finally admit to him how much you cared about me?
Noah: Did you tell your grandfather that you couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to me, that you've come to care about me?
Noah: I thought I told you to muzzle it, squirt.
Fancy: Down, Prestine, down.
Noah: Whoa, down? Where is she going to go?
Fancy: Never mind. As for me pleading with my grandfather to save you because I have feelings for you? It didn't happen, so get over yourself.
Noah: Oh. I just wanted to see what you were going to say.
Fancy: I asked my grandfather to protect you because my family -- me in particular -- doesn't need any more bad press, ok, no more bad publicity. I have a new jewelry line coming out and the worst thing that could happen to me image-wise is be linked to a non-celeb like you in the tabloids.
Noah: Yeah. Wouldn't want any blotch on your bling.
Fancy: I'm glad you can grasp my situation.
Noah: You know, I'd like grasp your little neck right now and squeeze. I'm already so angry about being indebted to Alistair.
Fancy: Actually, you're not indebted to my grandfather. I'm the one you owe.
Sam: Jessica's still not answering her cell phone. Look, I can't wait around here any longer. I'm going to go see if I can find her.
Ivy: I'll come with you.
Sam: No, no, no, listen, it's best if you stay here, ok? I'll be back as soon as I can, hopefully with my daughter.
Ivy: Oh, this is all my fault. When I brought David to Harmony to lure Grace away from Sam, I just did it so that Sam and I could be happy together, and now all I've done is cause Sam and Jessica a world of pain.
Simone: Spike, get away from her! Leave Jess alone!
Spike: You again, huh? Unless you want another bump on your head, I'd back off. Jess and I are just talking about our future together.
Simone: Jess, what are you thinking? Are you forgetting what Spike did to you?
Jessica: It's ok, Simone. I misunderstood where Spike was coming from.
Simone: No, you didn't! He tried to turn you into a hooker! Don't give him a second chance.
Spike: Gosh, Jessica is of age. She can do anything or anyone she wants. Now, beat it.
Jessica: This is my life, Simone. And you're interfering again.
Liz: Well, Eve, you are certainly doing your part for recycling, going back and forth between the same two men. And you two -- you are just as crazy for wanting her in the first place. Oh, word to the wise, boys -- don't expect her to pick one of you anytime soon. She is going to drag this thing out as long as possible. And why? Because she loves having the attention of the two of you following her around like puppies.
Eve: Just shut up, Liz. I'm not going to play T.C. and Julian against one another. I'm going to decide who it is I want to be with right now.
T.C.: So who's it going to be, Eve?
Julian: Eve, who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Sheridan: No, there must be some mistake. How could C.P.S. have found Mark's father so soon?
Man: I'm sorry, Ms. Crane, the gentleman checks out.
Sheridan: I don't care. Mark is mine!
Man: I've asked Mark's father to come down here as soon as he can. Regulations.
Man: This is Mark's father.
Sheridan: What? You're Mark's father?
Noah: So I owe you. Is that what you're saying?
Fancy: Pretty much, yeah.
Noah: Well, look, I don't want to be in your debt any more than I want to be in Alistair's, so how can I pay you back?
Noah: I don't know. Tell me.
Fancy: Ok. You have to do me a favor. Then we'll be even.
Noah: And, uh, what kind of a favor would you have me do?
Kay: I hate it that Simone left before we had a chance to talk.
Fox: Well, maybe she had someplace to go.
Kay: Yeah, yeah, I'll just call her when we get back to Tabitha's. Hopefully, we can get together later or something.
Fox: Yeah, no big deal. Well, I hope Tabitha doesn't mind that I've had Endora all day. You don't think she'll care, do you?
Kay: No, I doubt it. Besides, Endora adores you.
Fox: She seems to.
Kay: Maria likes you, too.
Fox: Well, what can I say, I'm a babe magnet.
Kay: I'll say.
Sam: Couldn't find Jessica anywhere.
Ivy: Sam, I am sorry. If I hadn't come back here --
Sam: Ivy, listen, it's not your fault. If Jessica wasn't angry about you being around, she'd be angry about something else. God, I've done everything that the therapist told me to do. I've shown Jessica that she comes first, I told her how much I love her over and over again. I just came to the realization that I can't keep her here. If Jessica chooses to lose herself in a lifestyle of drugs, men, and squalor, then there's nothing I can do. I just pray to God that someone will watch over her.
Spike: You know, maybe this is a mistake for me to let you stay here with me, Jess. All you're going to do is break my heart again.
Jessica: No, Spike, I won't. I'm back to stay, I promise.
Spike: What else do you promise me, babe?
Jessica: Anything you want.
Spike: Do you promise not to doubt my love for you and do whatever I ask you to?
Jessica: Do you want me to work the streets again?
Spike: Well, it's the only way that we can bankroll enough money to open my club again. And, of course, well, to pay for these little guys. So tell me, Jess, will you do whatever I ask you to from now on? Because if not, you can go home to Daddy right now.
Liz: I can't believe the two of you are standing here, slack-jawed, waiting for my sister to choose one of you. Like my skank sister's some kind of prize.
T.C.: Liz, she is a prize, a first prize.
Julian: A prize beyond measure.
T.C.: So what's it going to be, Eve? Julian or me?
Julian: Yes, Eve, who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Eve: Simone! Simone!
T.C.: My god.
Simone: Daddy --
Eve: Oh, God.
On the Next Passions:
Sheridan: What? You're Mark's father?
Chris: I never thought I'd hold my son in my arms again.
Fancy: I want one night with you.
Noah: You want me to have sex with you?
Liz: Don't you ever turn your back on me.
T.C.: You're going to pay for what you did to my little girl.
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