Thursday 8/11/05--Canada; Friday 8/12/05--USA
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Fancy: So, did that fulfill your fantasy?
Noah: Hmm, almost.
Noah: There's one more thing we need to make it complete.
Fancy: Really? What's that?
Noah: How about if I just show you?
Fancy: Oh, my God.
Noah: What was that all about?
Fancy: Isn't this unbelievable? All last night, we were stuck sleeping on the floor in the liquor store while right on the other side of the wall there was this incredible bed.
Fancy: Well, what are you waiting for? Come on, hop aboard. This is the top of the line.
Noah: Oh, you are so right.
Fancy: It's marvelous. I could spend hours and hours in here.
Noah: Looks like we have one of our fantasies in common.
Fancy: Your mind is in the gutter.
Noah: Hey, what do you want, huh? I'm no monk.
Fancy: Oh, no. Oh, no, it's another earthquake! Ah!
Fox: It's not that stuffed animal, is it?
Kay: Stupid thing. Oh.
Simone: Kay and Fox a couple? That is too bizarre. No one ever saw this coming.
Fox: Whoa --
Fox: Whoa, whoa. I got you.
Ethan: Theresa --
Theresa: Oh, shh. He's been up all night, so he needs his rest.
Ethan: We need to talk.
Theresa: Ok, in the hall.
Ethan: You were down in the living room just now. You heard Alistair try to destroy his own daughter. He enjoyed it, Theresa. You can't continue this sick alliance with him.
Theresa: Can't I?
Ethan: Look, I know you. You can't go through with this. You have too much self-respect and you're too smart to be fooled by Alistair, so please drop this crazy idea and give up this alliance with Alistair.
Gwen: Be careful, all right?
Sheridan: I'm not afraid of my father, not anymore. I feel like I've been climbing up a mountain through fog and I've finally broken through to the sunlight. I can't figure out why you would want to spend years tormenting me, your own daughter. You're just a perverted sadist, all this time trying to make me feel like I was ill and weak and stupid, and I'm none of those things. I'm no longer going to look to you for validation. The opinion of a monster means nothing to me, nothing.
Alistair: Brava! Sheridan, you have finally developed a backbone. It's quite a change from all those years of whining. If you showed this side of yourself before, I may have had a chance to like you or at least tolerate you. It's a pity. It's far too late for that, because you are and always will be nothing but a miserable disappointment.
Sheridan: It's funny, because I feel the same way about you.
Katherine: Every time I think you couldn't be more evil, that it's not even possible, you prove me wrong. It's a miracle that Sheridan has come through your torture all the stronger for it, and she has.
Alistair: Oh, stop deluding yourself. If I really wanted to destroy Sheridan, all I'd have to do is introduce her to her decomposing Aunt Rachel. Then you'll see Sheridan turn to jelly forever, because she'll know that she's a murderer.
Fancy: Oh, God. I can't die wearing this. It's last season. Shut up! We've got to get under a doorjamb right away.
Noah: Hey, whoa, whoa. Fancy, calm down, all right? It's not an earthquake. It's just a vibrating bed. I must have turned it on when I rolled over.
Fancy: No way.
Noah: Way. Come on, haven't you ever stayed in a motel with a vibrating bed?
Fancy: Me, in a motel? Hardly.
Noah: Ah, you don't know what you're missing. Lie back. Come on.
Fancy: Well, it is relaxing. It sort of feels like a good massage.
Noah: Yeah, well, you've obviously never had a good massage.
Fancy: Now, there you're dead wrong. I have stayed at the finest places in the world, and the best part of the day is always the massage. I like them all -- Swedish, Shiatsu, you name it.
Noah: Oh, well, you've never had the famous Bennett massage -- magic fingers. You know, I'm the best.
Fancy: I doubt that.
Noah: Turn over. Come on, turn over. I'll give you the best massage you ever had.
Fancy: Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you. I'm a massage connoisseur, so you got a lot to live up to.
Noah: I'm up to the challenge. So turn over.
Fancy: Oh. Oh. Yes, that's the spot. Hmm.
Noah: You're so tense. Yeah, right there.
Fancy: Oh. Hmm, yes.
Noah: So how am I doing?
Fancy: Not bad.
Noah: Yeah, I'm just getting started.
Fancy: What are you doing?
Noah: Relax, all right? I can't give you a decent massage with this dress on, so I'm going to take it off.
Noah: You're not wearing a --
Fancy: Of course not. It ruins the line of the dress.
Ivy: Fox. Could I get you to help me with something?
Fox: Right now, Mom?
Ivy: Yeah. Yes. We are completely out of water in the house. Could you go over to the B&B and get some, because we can't drink the tap water because of the tsunami.
Fox: Ahem -- yeah. That'd be great. Yeah, wait, I get right on that.
Ivy: I'm so proud of him the way he saved that little boy from drowning last night.
Kay: Yeah. He's really something.
Ivy: I understand the two of you spent a little time together after the tsunami.
Kay: A little.
Ivy: You know, Kay, we've really been through a lot together, and you -- you know a lot about me and --
Kay: Yeah, yeah, I do, like you hired David Hastings to pretend to be my mom's first husband and that you deliberately destroyed my parents' marriage so you could hop in my dad's bed. Ring a bell?
Ivy: I don't think I would have put it quite that crudely. But you've been very good not to tell your father.
Ivy: How about never? You and your dad, you've gotten close again, and I'm glad, but I don't think Sam would forgive you if he knew you kept my secret.
Kay: What do you want, Ivy?
Ivy: Want? No. You misunderstand. I actually feel like I owe you. Sadly, I have nothing to give you but my honesty. Luckily, that might be enough to keep you from a heartache of your own.
Kay: What -- what are you talking about?
Ivy: Not what -- whom. I think I need to warn you about Fox.
Guardsman: Ma'am, we're from the National Guard.
Pilar: Thank goodness. The coffin's right here.
Guardsman: Man, what are we supposed to do with it? The graveyard's still underwater.
Second guardsman: You better call the lieutenant.
Alistair: Shall I turn Sheridan into a blithering idiot by telling her that she murdered your sister? Well, I'll take your silence as a no. You know, I'm getting very bored with this lower-middle-class postdisaster bonding. I want to go back to the mansion. I want to get in my own bed. Mass destruction always fires up my libido. I've got so many ideas for you, you'll be so busy for weeks.
Martin: Are you all right?
Alistair: Oh, Martin. Thank you so much for your hospitality, but I fear I must be going. Excuse me.
Martin: Yeah, well, good riddance, you piece of garbage.
Alistair: Oh. Yes, of course. Yes. Come along, dear. We -- I'm sorry we can't stay, but we do have plans -- intimate plans. Don't we, Katherine? Hmm.
Ethan: Theresa, how about taking the earthquake as a sign, huh? Somebody up there wanted to interrupt your little date with Alistair. Give up this crazy idea of allying yourself with him, will you?
Theresa: Ethan, there are two kinds of people in this town. There are the people who align themselves with Alistair and there are the people who don't.
Ethan: That's right, and the good guys are the ones that don't.
Theresa: And what does it get them, Ethan? You? Luis? Sheridan? How many people have had their lives ruined because they have fought back against Alistair? The people who go with the flow win. I need to win Jane back, and Alistair is the only game in town.
Tabitha: Oh, my devils. Whatever Simone has been up to, it's led to a major eruption. But it's taking the bowl so long to get to the point. And all this smoke. Oh, I can't stand the smell of brimstone even after all these centuries. Oh. "Hades harvest bouquet. Aromatherapy from the ninth circle." Ha-ha! Oh, how delightful, Endora. Oh. Oh. Poof, that's better. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, you're right. While the bowl is calming down, I should sneak a peek next door and see what Kay and Fox are up to. Oh. Look at that. I told you poison Ivy would put the kibosh on the Gox-Kay entanglement. Oh, dreadful woman. But she is gifted with a true touch of evil.
Tabitha: Yes. Oh, but I didn't think she'd work this fast. Oh. I wonder what poison she's dripping into Kay's ear right now.
Kay: You want to warn me about your own son? I don't know why you think I need warning.
Ivy: Oh, Kay, please. If any two women in Harmony can be honest with each other, it's us. I know there's something going on with you and Fox.
Kay: Ok, even if there were, it's none of your business.
Ivy: I'm just here to give you a friendly warning. I don't think I'm as blind to his faults as you might be.
Kay: What faults?
Ivy: Kay, Fox has quite a past with women. Like all Crane men, he thinks it's his right to flit from flower to flower like some busy bee pollinating without any thought to the consequences. Look at Whitney. Lord knows how many other illegitimate grandchildren I have out there.
Kay: Oh, Fox, is not like that.
Ivy: He's a player, Kay. If any opportunity presents itself to sleep with a woman, he will take it no matter how dire the circumstances. It just won't mean anything to him. And I think he had an opportunity with you last night. Honey, it's fine, really. I hope you two enjoyed yourselves, had a great time, but I just don't want you to have any illusions about Fox. It didn't mean anything to him. He said -- he said he thinks you're a sweet kid, but that's it. He's not interested in anything else.
Kay: He said that?
Ivy: I'm sorry, Kay. But, hey, you can take some comfort. Fox only selects the most beautiful women available. You're in good company. Be flattered. That might take some of the sting out of being just another notch on Fox's belt. Are you hungry?
Fancy: Hmm. Hmm. You're marvelous. And I've never felt a man -- a masseur's hands touch me in quite that way.
Noah: Yeah, I'm just getting started.
Fancy: Hmm. Heaven.
Noah: What was that?
Fancy: I said you're right, you are the best. This fantasy just leapt to number one on my list, and it's coming true.
Noah: Fancy, I -- I guess I've never really thought about this before, but if I had to be trapped in a department store with someone because of an earthquake and a tsunami, I'm glad that someone was you. Although sometimes I do think you're driving me totally insane. In fact, I think you are totally insane. But you're also the most exciting woman I've ever met. You have this unbelievable sense of fun, zest for adventure. How do I put this? When a volcano erupts in Harmony, I just hope I'm with you. Did you hear me, Fancy? I've had an amazing time with you. Of course. The only time she stopped talking is when she's asleep. I just hope the snoring doesn't start again. You're amazing.
Noah: You're something else, Fancy pants. Hmm.
Kay: I've never heard a mother talk about her own son like that.
Ivy: Well, I was a Crane for decades, and I learned very quickly to judge people with clarity or you don't survive. I love Fox. I love him dearly. But I'm aware of his faults. And I'm fond of you, Kay.
Ivy: No, really, I -- the time I spent living with your family, it taught me how important but how fragile true love can be. You -- you have a great capacity for love. I can see that. And if you expect the same thing from Fox, you're only going to get hurt. Go ahead and have some fun, have encounters, have a great time. But don't expect any more than that, because it's not going to happen. Well, I'm glad we had this chance to talk. I'd like to think we're friends.
Kay: We're not.
Ivy: We're not yet. But we're a lot alike, Kay. And you did me a great service by keeping my secret, and now I feel like maybe I've paid you back just a little.
Fox: Ah. Here we go.
Fox: Think that'll be enough?
Ivy: Oh. That's great.
Ivy: You really know how to make a woman happy, honey.
Fox: Thanks, Mom. Anyway, listen, this is all the water they had, so we should probably ration it. I was thinking, I don't know, we could share? Want some? It's cold. It's good.
Kay: I'm not thirsty.
Fox: What'd I say?
Sheridan: Hey. Did you have some cookies, sweetheart?
C.P.S. Agent: Are you and your father done?
Sheridan: Yes. Oh -- no, not yet. We haven't really resolved anything, but Mark is mine. He'll be staying with me.
C.P.S. Agent: I'm sorry. I have my orders. The child has to go with me.
Sheridan: Look, can I just have a few minutes with him, please?
C.P.S. Agent: You aren't going to make another scene, are you?
Sheridan: No. Just a few minutes.
C.P.S. Agent: All right. A few minutes. That's all.
Sheridan: Thank you. You're going to have to be a brave little boy, ok? And I'll be coming for you, I promise.
Gwen: I don't understand this. I mean, all Alistair had to do was say the word and you'd be able to keep Mark. Why is he being so cruel?
Sheridan: Because he is cruel. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. I mean, we're all just pawns in his sick little game. He helped Beth take Marty away from me and he enjoyed doing it and now he's going to try and take this little boy away from me even though Maureen begged me to raise him.
Gwen: This whole thing is really getting me worried. I mean, if it amuses Alistair to have Theresa ally herself with him, then my Jane is as good as gone.
Sheridan: I'm worried for you, Gwen. If Father helps Theresa, his help won't come without a price.
Theresa: You won't help me, Ethan. So if it means that I've got to make a deal with the devil himself, I will.
Ethan: Well, Theresa, you may already have. You can't trust Alistair. I watched him operate for years in home and in business, and let me tell you what he does. He crushes those that go against him and he corrupts those who try to please him. He's going to force you to do whatever he wants, despicable things, Theresa, and I'm not just talking about in bed, which is probably where you'll end up.
Theresa: No, not me, Ethan.
Ethan: Yeah, well, we'll see. But in the end, Theresa, when he's degraded you to the point where you hate yourself, he will desert you and he will scrape you off his boot like a piece of dirt. And what's worse, you're not even going to end up with Jane. He won't come through for you. Jane is just the carrot that he's going to use to draw you in just before he crushes you.
Tabitha: Oh, hell's bells. I wish I could hear what was going on over there. I can't even eavesdrop because the bowl's been so blinking busy.
Tabitha: Oh, finally. Finally, I think the bowl is ready to reveal Simone's secret. And, you know, it's been so frazzled, so you know it's going to be a good one -- or at least a bad one, if we're lucky. Come on, come on. I haven't got all day. Show us what Simone is hiding. Oh, my. Oh -- oh, no, no, not Simone. Oh, Endora, I can't believe it.
Fancy: Naughty girl, Fancy. A man's wallet is as private as a girl's purse. But then, he stole that invitation from my purse in Las Vegas.
Fancy: His driver's license picture is worse than mine. Who's this pretty girl? Now what are you thinking about?
Noah: I was thinking about a girl I used to know. Well, actually, she was the love of my life.
Fancy: Who was that?
Noah: None of your business.
Fancy: I wonder if this is the same girl. Oh, don't tell me I'm going to snoop. Fancy girl, you're going to snoop. "My dearest Noah --"
Alistair: Well, Katherine, Rachel's all strapped up and ready to go. But then, of course, I could always ask the guardsman to reopen the coffin. That way they can show Sheridan exactly where she pierced Rachel's body with that letter opener.
Katherine: No, don't. I'll come with you, Alistair.
Martin: Katherine, don't --
Katherine: Martin, I have no choice.
Alistair: Good girl. You have finally learned your lesson. I'll be ready to leave in a moment, darling. Excuse me.
Martin: I hate that man. You won't let him -- you know --
Katherine: Of course not. He's a big talker. I'm sure that I can convince him to leave me alone. Don't worry.
Pilar: Katherine, even though you're responsible for tearing my family apart, I feel for you right now. I'm sorry for anyone who has anything to do with Alistair.
Ethan: Theresa, please. Please. Alistair is going to use you to satisfy his desires, his sick desires, and then he's going to throw you away. And he's not going to come through on his promises.
Theresa: I have to take that chance. I need my daughter now. I deserve to have my child, Ethan.
Ethan: I wish there was something I could do to convince you to stay away from Alistair.
Theresa: You know what to do. Give me Jane back, and I will never speak to Alistair Crane again.
Fancy: "When you told me last night I was the love of your life, I knew you truly meant it. Noah, you always told me if our relationship would end you'd never love anyone the way you love me. You swore if you ever met another girl she'd just be someone to pass the time with, that she'd never mean what I mean to you. Vows are solemn promises, and you vowed you'd never love another girl the way you love me."
Simone: Look, I'm going to take a break.
Fox: Ok. We should take a break, too. I want to talk to you about last night, you know.
Kay: What about it?
Fox: What do you mean, "what about it?" Something happened, right?
Kay: Nothing happened. Ok? It was nothing that matters. Look, Fox, I don't want to talk about it, ok? It was a tsunami and an earthquake and two people got caught up in all of that and held each other close for one night. It's human nature. What's the big deal?
Fox: That's not what happened.
Kay: Look, Fox, ok, it's done, it's over. I don't want to talk about it. You don't have to call me or send me flowers or anything like that, ok? So it's fine.
Fox: This doesn't make a lot of sense, because --
Kay: Fox, then let me make it really simple for you. Leave me alone. I don't want to see you anymore.
Noah: I thought we could use a bit of the bubbly, huh?
Fancy: I don't need any bubbly.
Noah: All right. Hey, why don't you get back in bed? I'll -- I'll tuck you in, tell you a bedtime story. If you're lucky, even give you a little kiss.
Fancy: I don't want any stupid bedtime stories.
Noah: Ok. How about just the kiss?
Fancy: Forget it. All I want is to get out of here. I just want to go home. And I especially want to get away from you.
Simone: So are you going to tell me what happened?
Simone: Because I'm your best friend and you better tell somebody before you hurt yourself.
Simone: What did he do?
Kay: He used me. He slept with me and then just tossed me away. I didn't mean anything to him. God -- God, why am I so stupid? Why did I let my defenses down? God knows I'm an idiot to think that maybe I could possibly find love a second time around.
Simone: But you didn't find it the first time.
Kay: Thanks, Simone. That's not helping. Come on, for me to think I could actually fall for a Crane and -- what was I thinking? Those Crane men -- all they do is just use women, kiss them goodbye, and then just move on to the next one.
Simone: But all men are like that. All of them. I know it hurts, but it's best to be done with Fox now before he can hurt you anymore. It's ok.
Tabitha: I don't believe it. Simone? T.C. and Eve Russell's little girl. Oh. No. No, you certainly can't see. No. This bowl is for mature audiences only. Oh, dear. I can't imagine what this will do to the family when they find out. My, my. Oh, if the Russell's thought their heartache was over, they are sadly mistaken. They will never get over this.
Guardsman: All right, right this way.
Pilar: May she rest in peace this time.
Katherine: Well, let's hope she does.
Pilar: Katherine, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for what you did, stealing my husband, hurting my family, causing us to suffer so much.
Katherine: Pilar, I --
Pilar: Please just let me finish, ok. Well, what I'm trying to say is that even though I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you, at least now I have some sort of idea of why you did it. Not that that excuses it. I mean, it was wrong. Very wrong. But at least now I know why you were so desperate to get away from Alistair.
Katherine: You're a remarkable woman, Pilar.
Pilar: Don't misunderstand me. We'll never be friends. But I admire the sacrifice you've made for Sheridan. I mean, you've willingly gone back to hell just to protect your daughter.
Katherine: She's my child. I love her. It's one of the reasons that I left Harmony -- I thought I could save her. I was so wrong. When I left, I just caused her more misery, and you, Martin, your children. So if this walk up the hill with Alistair will pay some of that debt, I will do it gladly. Anything to make up for the heartache that I've caused all of you.
Sheridan: I'll do whatever I have to to get you back. I swear.
Gwen: Ok. So the Child Services agent needs to take him right now. I know this is going to be very difficult for you, sweetheart, but you don't have any other choice right now.
Sheridan: Be a brave boy, ok?
Sheridan: Marty! God. Marty! No.
Theresa: Please. Ethan, there is an empty crib waiting here for Jane. And if you put her in my arms, I promise you Alistair Crane is dead to me. Ethan --
Ethan: Theresa --
Theresa: Wow. It's always the same answer with you, isn't it? No. You got so good at saying no. Are you sure you're not really a Crane?
Ethan: Wait a minute. Your actions put this whole thing in motion, Theresa.
Theresa: And who's keeping score? Why don't you ever blame your wife, the way you always blame me? No, you leave me no choice. Never forget, Ethan, that I gave you the chance to do what's right, because like I said, I will make a deal with the devil himself if it means getting my daughter back.
Ethan: You have never made such a dangerous mistake in your life.
Theresa: Oh, Ethan.
Alistair: Even better, my dear. I was delighted to hear you telling your family that you've committed your loyalty to me.
Theresa: Well, of course I have, Alistair. I'm very serious about it. You're the one man in this world who can return my daughter to me.
Alistair: Naturally. Then it's official. You've made a pact with me, a pact you'll never break.
On the Next Passions:
Whitney: I've decided to join a convent, and I'm leaving Harmony forever.
Jessica: It's time for me to go home.
Spike: Where the hell do you think you're going?
Fox: I'm going to go find your sister, and you want to come with me or you're just going to stand here?
Theresa: I've changed my mind. The deal is off.
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