Wednesday 5/25/05--Canada; Thursday 5/26/05--USA
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Fancy: I should stay here a while just to be safe.
Fancy: Oh! Oh, my god.
Ned: What do you know? It's my lucky night after all.
Fancy: You? Get off me!
Ned: Well, who fell on who? So are you here to keep me company?
Fancy: As if.
Ned: What's keeping you? If you work hard enough, you can treat dozens of guys like dirt tonight.
Fancy: Help! Somebody help me!
Man: Listen to me -- no one can hear you!
Ned: I'm sorry, I -- you're shaking like a leaf. What's happened to you?
Gwen: Ethan, is she right? When you're making love to me, are you really thinking about her?
Theresa: Tell her, Ethan. Tell her what we both know in our souls is true -- that you love me and only me. No matter what your wife says, no matter what she does, I'm the one in your heart.
Pilar: Theresa, stop it.
Theresa: Mama, you're the one who always says secrets are going to come out. And if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit that you already know the truth. Now, tell her. Tell your wife that you love me.
Tabitha: Beth and Sheridan, half sisters. Redo the D.N.A. test, Dottie. Redo the test.
Sheridan: You wouldn't believe the theories that I have come up with to make Marty my son. I even had myself convinced that Beth was my half sister. Look, you know, I'm really sorry for bothering you.
Dottie: Maybe I can at least check the test results.
Tabitha: Have I got it or have I got it? Oh, Endora. I wish you were awake to watch this. Test results are going to be very different when Dottie realizes that Sheridan and Beth are half sisters. Half sisters, half sisters. Redo the test.
Dottie: If Beth Wallace was Sheridan's half sister, the test results could be completely different.
Sheridan: Hello? Alone again. Guess I'd better get used to this.
Luis: Sheridan. Hey. Where have you been? You know, I was looking all over for you. I was worried about you.
Sheridan: I can't do this anymore, Luis. I can't live like this. I'm sorry, but this has to end.
Luis: What? What has to end? Sheridan, you told me at the park that you didn't want to break up. Have you changed your mind?
Sheridan: No. Luis, that's just it. I don't want to break up. I love you. I've loved you since the day that I met you. But I can't go on like this, not when you don't believe me or trust a word that I say.
Luis: Well, it's not that I never believe you, Sheridan. Look, it's just this one thing.
Sheridan: Yeah, this one thing that means to the world to me -- our son. Luis, you dismiss the possibility that he's alive and well and living with Beth.
Luis: Sheridan, we cannot keep going round and round like this, ok? We had the D.N.A. test done, ok, at your insistence, and your friend Dottie did the test. It proved that Beth is Marty's mother, ok?
Sheridan: Well, the test is wrong! Beth is not Marty's mother. I am!
Tabitha: Dottie, redo the D.N.A. test. Redo the D.N.A. test. Redo the D.N.A. test.
Dottie: What am I thinking? I mean, it's practically impossible for Sheridan to be Marty's mother. I've already found the proof. Beth is the mother, and Sheridan's idea that Beth could be her secret half sister is just a pipe dream.
Tabitha: Oh, Dottie, you mindless twit! I am not about to let your silly, mortal sense of logic wreck my perfect plan to destroy Luis and Sheridan. Listen to me, Dottie! Forget logic. Go with your mind, not your heart. Prove that Sheridan has been right all along and Luis has been wrong, and she will never forgive him for not believing that Marty is their child together. It'll break them up for good. Come on, Dottie. Go for it! Run the test again. The truth is in the D.N.A.
Dottie: Why do I have the feeling I've made a mistake? Don't be ridiculous, I never mistakes. And I checked the comparison between Beth and Marty twice.
Tabitha: Oh, you fool! Endora, I'm sorry to wake you, darling, but Mommy needs some more juice. Oh! Oh, thank you, sweetheart. You can go back to sleep now. Dottie, do the bloody test again!
Dottie: Could I have made a mistake with Sheridan's test? Well, it wouldn't hurt to check. Bernard? Yeah, it's Dottie. I need your help in the lab right away.
Ethan: Will you stop -- will you stop this, please? Just stop it. It's not -- it's not going to work.
Theresa: Well, it seemed to. You were remembering, weren't you?
Gwen: I mean, she's right, Ethan. You were.
Pilar: Theresa, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Gwen: Well, I've seen enough and I've heard enough. You know, Ethan, I have my pride, too. I'm not going to be like Ivy trying to hold her head up all those years while Julian slept with every low-class tramp in town. You know, so if you really would really rather be with her, then just do it. Just stay here with her and with Jane and let me move on. You've got to stop torturing me like this.
Ethan: Gwen, Gwen, Gwen? Gwen, listen to me. Look at me. Honey, I won't lie to you. I will never lie to you. It's not part of me. You know that. And I admit it, I have feelings for Theresa.
Theresa: I knew it. Ethan loves me.
Ned: What's happened? You're upset.
Fancy: I'm fine.
Ned: No, you're not fine. You're shaking. What is it? Well, is it me? Are you afraid of me? You know, don't be. I won't hurt you.
Fancy: I know that.
Ned: Then what are you scared of?
Fancy: Nothing, ok? I'm fine. Didn't you hear me?
Ned: Does this have something to do with that sleazebag you were with earlier? I warned you about him.
Fancy: No, don't be ridiculous.
Ned: You're a terrible liar. What did he do to you? Oh, that's it. I'm going to find that jerk and I'm going to have a little man-to-man talk with him.
Fancy: No, no, please don't. Don't go find him. He's not worth it.
Ned: Then tell me -- what did he do to you?
Fancy: Well, you were right. He -- he wasn't a good guy. He almost hurt me.
Ned: What did he do?
Fancy: He tried to rape me.
Ned: Oh, man.
Ned: I'm so sorry, Fancy. I tried to tell you he --
Fancy: He was forcing me to have sex. I got away from him and then he was chasing me through the halls. That's how I ended up here. I'm hiding from him. I know -- I know I should've listened to you and stayed away from him, but he made me so mad and I was being cocky.
Ned: As usual.
Fancy: As usual.
Ned: You know, it doesn't give me any pleasure to know I was right.
Fancy: Well, thanks for not saying "I told you so."
Ned: All right, so let's go get this sucker, huh?
Fancy: No, uh-uh. He's gone now, and I'm safe here with you. I don't want you to get involved. Where is your girlfriend with the good body?
Ned: Sandra? Uh, she had other plans tonight. Besides, I was trying to get some rest, so --
Fancy: This part of the hotel isn't even finished. And you were thrown out of the hotel. What are you doing in here?
Ned: Well, ok, as long as we're being honest tonight, I'm a squatter.
Fancy: A what?
Ned: A squatter. You know, I'm not a paying guest. I guess you can say I mooch off the hotel.
Ethan: Gwen, how long have we known each other, huh? Since we were 12, 13? Since we met at boarding school? Way too long for me not to be completely honest with you. I have always loved and respected you. I married you --
Theresa: Because she was pregnant, Ethan. You were going to marry me.
Pilar: Let Ethan speak to his wife.
Ethan: No, it's ok. I mean, she's right. She's absolutely right, I was ready to marry Theresa. Then I found out that you were going to have my baby, honey, and I was over the moon about it. I wanted to have a family with you. I still want to have a family with you.
Gwen: Ethan, you should have divorced me after you found out that I couldn't have any more children.
Ethan: Are you crazy? We can still have a family. We can adopt, we can have dozens of children if you want. Do you understand what I'm saying? I love you with all my heart. I do.
Theresa: Ethan, you want me!
Pilar: You stop it. You stop it at once!
Dottie: We have to run the Lopez-Fitzgeralds child's D.N.A. test again.
Man: How come? You got conclusive results that night. You made me come in and help you do it the first time -- just when I was about to beat Mother at cribbage, too.
Dottie: Look, look, look. There's a small chance that I may have made a mistake. I mean, my friend Sheridan wanted the results so fast, I cut a few corners.
Man: Dottie, I told those people the results would take days when I took the samples. But, no, that wasn't good enough. So Ms. Crane called you. You roared up here from Boston in your S.U.V. and ordered me around like the Queen of Sheba. That is no way to treat the scientific method.
Dottie: I know. I know. I'm sorry. Now, for my own peace of mind and for Sheridan, I need to run the test again.
Tabitha: Good girl, Dottie. Run the D.N.A. test again. The truth will set you free.
Sheridan: I love you, Luis.
Luis: I love you, too.
Sheridan: I know you do.
Luis: Then why can't we work this out? We've been going around in circles like this for weeks.
Sheridan: There might be a way if you'll just listen to me. When I was out walking, everything you said was going around in my head.
Luis: All the facts?
Sheridan: Yes, just facts. You can't help it that you're a cop and you've been trained to approach things from a pragmatic, methodical point of view.
Luis: Well, it makes sense to me.
Sheridan: Yes, it does make sense in most cases. But not this. Luis, look at me. Please, I am not stupid. I know that it doesn't make any sense for me to think that Marty is my son when the D.N.A. test proves otherwise. But just this once -- how should I put this? I love you. I love everything about you. I love your smile, your face, your body. I even love the funny noises you make when you sleep at night.
Sheridan: But I love this -- your brain. It's smart and logical and it gets to the bottom of tough problems. But even more than that, I love this -- your heart. It's loving and warm and generous, and it will never mislead you. And if you want to solve this problem, that is what you need to listen to -- your heart and your gut. I've listened to my heart and gut and it tells me that Marty is my son. If you can't accept that, then we'll never be able to move on from this. We just can't.
Dottie: All right. Now, when we examine this genetic strand --
Tabitha: Work, work, work, work, work, my little scientists. It's only a matter of time until Luis and Sheridan are blown sky high!
Luis: You can't mean that. Look, Sheridan, no matter what, we have to get through this together. We have to.
Sheridan: I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't because there is a huge part of me that is missing -- our son. There is a huge hole in my heart where he should be.
Luis: Sheridan -- Sheridan, our son is dead.
Sheridan: No. Luis, don't you see? I would know if he were because my heart tells me that he is alive. And I have already missed out on so much of his life, and I swear I'm just going to shrivel up and die if I don't get our son back.
Luis: Don't -- Sheridan, do not do this to yourself.
Sheridan: Do you really think that I want to do this to myself if I didn't have to? My son is crying out for me to come back, and I can't do that without your help. That's why I need you to listen to me, really listen to me. But if you can't let go of your reliance on facts, then you're just going to end up thinking that I am mad and you're not going to want to be with me anymore.
Luis: That's impossible.
Ned: So that's my secret. I've been cadging room and board. My high-rolling gambler facade? It's just that -- a facade.
Ned: Now, don't tell me -- you're going to hightail it out of here and I'm never going to see you again? Only room for millionaires on your list?
Fancy: Do you want to be on my list? News flash, Ned -- I knew you weren't a millionaire long before this. And besides, money isn't everything.
Ned: Only rich people can afford to say that.
Fancy: I didn't mean it meant nothing, but it's not everything. Actually, you've got me interested. I knew you weren't exactly the young Howard Hughes, but I never would've guessed you were penniless. Is that the story?
Ned: Pretty much.
Fancy: Then how do you get away with all this? This is the best hotel in Vegas, you're always at the high-stakes tables, and you have great clothes.
Ned: Oh, you like my clothes, do you, huh?
Fancy: Don't fish for compliments. You sure seem to live the life of Reilly. How do you do it?
Ned: I've always depended upon the kindness of strangers.
Fancy: Oh, come on, out with it. How do you do it?
Ned: Ok. Did you eat yet?
Fancy: No, but running from would-be rapists always gives me an appetite.
Ned: What do you want for dinner?
Fancy: I don't know. A burger, maybe?
Ned: Come on, think big. How about scallops with caviar to start?
Ned: Then lobster and a nice filet mignon?
Fancy: Sounds good to me.
Ned: Your wish is my command. Ok. First I do this, then this. And how about one of these? Room service? Hi. Good evening -- yeah. I'm in room 1223. I'd like to order dinner, please. Yes, a very special dinner for two people who'd like to get to know one another.
Theresa: No, Mama, I'm not going to stop it. You're the one who always said, "speak the truth." Well, damn it, I am speaking the truth. I will yell it at the top of my lungs -- Ethan loves me. He wants to be with me, not you.
Gwen: You know what? I'm not going to stand here and listen to this.
Ethan: Look, why are you being cruel? Yes, I have feelings for you. It's no secret anymore. I was drawn to you because you're beautiful and you're full of life and you're fun and you're funny. Yes. And you also have the confidence to push aside all your doubts and put your faith in fate.
Theresa: Because fate means for us to be together.
Ethan: But, Theresa, you have another side -- a side that sickens me, a side that you're showing us all tonight.
Gwen: You have a really mean, ugly side to you, Theresa. You tricked Ethan into sleeping with you, you knocked down our real surrogate so you could steal my embryos, then you tried to put me in jail for the rest of my life so you can steal my husband? The only thing you care about is your happiness and your obsession. You are ruthless!
Ethan: Wait, you don't even have to fight her. Don't even stoop to her level. I mean, we're the responsible adults here. I mean, that's why the court gave us custody of Jane.
Theresa: Responsible, Ethan? I would be if you would be honest with yourself and just come back to me.
Ethan: Theresa, you're doing it again. Don't you understand? You don't get your way, you don't take no for an answer, and then you strike back at people in anger. You hurt people. It's like you're unbalanced or manic or something.
Theresa: No, Ethan.
Ethan: Theresa, I can't be with you, and I don't want you to raise my daughter. And that's why I want to stay with you because we can provide her a stable home, at least until you calm down.
Theresa: Ethan, no one is better for my daughter than me. I am her mother!
Gwen: Listen to yourself, Theresa. Of course Jane is better off with us. You're a madwoman.
Theresa: Oh, Harmony's serial slasher is calling me crazy! Gwen, you are deluded. Do you really think that you could be happy with a man who's in love with another woman?
Gwen: Hey, news flash, Theresa -- Ethan loves me, and you know that.
Theresa: Do you really think that the love he has for you is anywhere near as powerful as the love that he has for me? We are soul mates. All you are, Gwen, is a distant, pathetic second.
Theresa: You think that you can come here and steal my child from me and use her to hold your miserable excuse of a marriage together? Ethan will never love you the way that he loves me, and you know it's the truth.
Gwen: You'd better shut that mouth of yours right now, Theresa.
Pilar: Theresa, por favor, por favor, please, I cannot hear such words coming from you.
Theresa: You know what, Mama? She needs to hear it and more.
Ethan: Well, I don't want to hear any more of this. Whatever you have to say, I love her. It's not going to change.
Theresa: So do you think Gwen is such a weakling that she's going to want to stick with a man who doesn't even put her first?
Ethan: I do put her first.
Theresa: Ethan, how can you? You just said that you love me. You can never give her what she wants in her life.
Gwen: Ok, how dare you presume to tell me what I want out of life? I love Ethan, and although you don't want to accept it, he loves me, Theresa. And maybe I can't give him children, ok, thanks to you. We can still build a family. We can adopt. You are right. We should adopt as soon as possible. We will have a family and we will be together forever.
Ethan: Absolutely. We are married. It's going to stay that way.
Theresa: Oh, some marriage. Marriage is a lot more than words that you say in church or a piece of paper. Marriage means absolutely nothing if you don't love each other.
Pilar: Marriage is everything. It's sacred. And what God joins together, let no man or woman put asunder.
Fancy: Now what? The food sounds great, but you've ordered it to another room. I hope they enjoy it.
Ned: Of course we will. Come with me, oh ye of little faith.
Fancy: Where to?
Ned: Quiet. Don't give the game away.
Ned: This is the part when you keep your big mouth shut. Wow, you guys are quick. I was down in the spa when I ordered, and you're already here. Smells great. I'm starving.
Waiter: Please sign here, sir.
Ned: Oh, didn't I tip you enough?
Waiter: Just the opposite, sir. You've been extremely generous. Thank you. Enjoy your meal.
Ned: And that, madam, is that. Dinner is served.
Luis: I can't imagine my life without you. Sheridan, please, just try and look at this from my point of view. From where I sit, it looks like you've given in to an obsession.
Sheridan: Yes, Luis, I am obsessed. Because I know that Marty is our son, and I am more sure of that than any fact you can throw at me. But if I can't convince you of that, that he is ours, then, yes, I will go mad. And what good am I to you or anyone then?
Luis: Sheridan, why don't -- why don't you just sit down, ok? I'll get you something to drink --
Sheridan: No, Luis, I do not want to sit down because every minute we spend arguing is another minute that I am away from my son.
Luis: I'm scared for you.
Sheridan: You know what? I'm scared for us. Because I feel like a rat in a maze. I know that there's a way out, but I just keep going around in circles trying to find it, but I can't. And I need you to help me, Luis. Help me get out of this maze.
Dottie: When I first ran the D.N.A. test on Marty Lopez-Fitzgerald, I compared it to Beth Wallace's sample, the woman claiming to be the boy's mother.
Man: The woman who is the boy's mother. We found plenty of reliable genetic markers to prove Beth Wallace is within the range of possibilities to be the mother.
Dottie: And that's where we fell down. See, we didn't test my friend Sheridan's sample. I mean, she was in such a rush to get the results that I turned them over to her as soon as I had a positive match. If Beth was related to Marty, then Sheridan couldn't be.
Man: Makes sense to me.
Dottie: Yeah. Me, too, at the time. But then Sheridan mentioned something earlier. What if Sheridan and Beth are related? Maybe half sisters? Sheridan could theoretically be a match, as well.
Man: Even closer than what you found earlier?
Man: Hmm. But what are the odds? That seems like a real stretch to me.
Dottie: I don't know, but that's what we're going to find out.
Tabitha: Oh, at last, at last. Oh, these mortals are so slow! But finally the truth will come out, and Sheridan and Luis' happiness will be destroyed.
Luis: Sheridan, I want to help you, ok? But what are we supposed to do? We can't just go to Beth's and kidnap Marty. We'd both be arrested and sent to jail.
Sheridan: For what? For taking our son back?
Luis: Yes. Sam agrees. Without proof, we have nothing against Beth. We can't even question her again.
Sheridan: There is that word again -- "proof." There you go thinking like a cop again -- with your head, not your heart.
Luis: I'm sorry. All right? It's the only way that I know how to think.
Sheridan: I know. And I can't blame you for that. Maybe if your father and Antonio hadn't run out on you when you were so young. You became the man of the family when you were just a teenager.
Luis: I did what I had to do.
Sheridan: I know. You had to lock away your dreams. And maybe that's why you're cut off from your heart.
Luis: I'm not. And besides, if you want to play the blame game, I think this all goes back to your mother. If she hadn't seduced my father --
Sheridan: Do not even blame my mother. All right? This is not her fault. She believes me. You don't.
Ned: Is the wine to mademoiselle's satisfaction?
Fancy: Tastes great to me. Sit down. You're making me nervous.
Ned: Of course. But first, the appetizer.
Ned: Are the scallops to your liking? A pinch of orange peel brings out their delicate flavor, don't you agree?
Fancy: They smell divine. Sit. Is it really safe to be doing this? I don't want to end up in the Las Vegas jail.
Ned: There's no way we'll get caught. Once I hacked into the hotel's computer system, I was shocked how easy it all is.
Fancy: How long have you been doing this?
Ned: At this hotel? A couple of months. And a few months at other hotels before this one. Once I get the feeling I've worn out my welcome, I move on down the strip.
Fancy: But if you charge all this to other rooms, don't the hotel guests complain that they've been charged for room service they haven't ordered?
Ned: At first, yes. But then I learned how to hack into the hotel's accounting department. Now I just go in and erase all the charges I rack up.
Fancy: You're unbelievable. A 21st century outlaw.
Ned: Hardly. I think of it as being, you know, self-reliant.
Fancy: Show me.
Ned: What? Oh, you mean on the computer? I don't want to give away any of my professional secrets.
Fancy: Oh, too bad. I guess I'll have to call the cops and turn you in.
Ned: You wouldn't.
Fancy: Hmm. Try me.
Ned: Ok, we're in the hotel system now. If I bring up the individual room accounts -- there's the one for room 1223, where I just charged dinner to.
Fancy: You gave that waiter $100 for a tip? That brings the grand total to 530 bucks.
Ned: Not anymore.
Fancy: Oh, I wish I could do that. My daddy gets furious when he gets my credit card bills. He's threatened to cut me off.
Ned: What say we forget about bills and daddies and everything else? We've got a great dinner in there, and we finally stopped screaming at each other. Those are good reasons to celebrate.
Pilar: Marriage is everything, and you're talking blasphemy when you mock it. You stop it at once.
Theresa: Mom, marriage means a lot more than a stupid contract.
Pilar: You know, I should slap your face. Marriage is a contract with God!
Theresa: Why are you doing this, Mama? It's because of Papa, isn't it? Because Papa left you and ran off with another woman, the woman that he loves. So you look at me and you see Katherine in this triangle -- Papa's true love, and not his wife. You see, Mama? I can turn the other cheek, but you can't. You can't deny the truth.
Ethan: You are way out of line. Theresa, I can't believe you talked to your mother that way. I don't believe -- you know, this conversation is at an end, but I want to make something clear. I love Gwen, she's my wife, and I'm staying with her. And as much as it hurts, we've been granted temporary custody of Jane. We're here to get her. Where is she?
Theresa: You're not going to take her.
Ethan: Yes, we will. Theresa, there's a social worker coming over to do a case study tomorrow. Jane has to be at home with us.
Theresa: You're not going to take my child, Ethan.
Gwen: You know, let's just go. Social services can get Jane.
Ethan: No, social -- no, I'm her father. There's no reason in the world why she can't come with me. I don't want some stranger scaring her half to death. Where is she?
Theresa: She's my little girl, and I'm never, ever going to let her go.
Ethan: Don't make this worse than it already is.
Theresa: It can't get any worse.
Ethan: It can get worse. And trust me, if you don't back down, it will.
Gwen: You know what? Let's not waste any more time on her. Let's just get Jane and go home.
Theresa: Over my dead body.
Theresa: Fine, just stop. I'll go get her. Just stay here.
Gwen: Was that a door slam?
Gwen: Great, she locked herself in.
Ethan: Oh, God. Theresa, open the door. Give us the baby. Come on.
Gwen: Ethan, do you see? This is why we can never trust her. You know, if you had any doubts whether we were doing the right thing, you know, you can just forget it.
Ethan: Honey, I know. Theresa, please, just open the door.
Theresa: You'll never take her from me, Ethan, ever!
Fancy: That was amazing.
Ned: I'm glad you liked it. There's more where that came from.
Fancy: I'm almost completely satisfied.
Ned: What's missing?
Ned: You got it.
Fancy: Thank you, Ned. This has been a sensational evening.
Ned: It's only just begun.
Dottie: Ok. Now run Marty's D.N.A. sample against Sheridan's. If she's right, we may be able to correct an injustice.
Man: How exciting. Even Mother won't mind I missed my bedtime and --
Dottie: Bernard. Focus, please?
Bernard: Ok, ok.
Dottie: I hope I didn't make a mistake. But if I did, I have to set it right.
Tabitha: About bloody time. Soon Sheridan will know for a fact that she is Marty's mother, and she will give Luis the boot for not believing her.
Luis: No. No more arguing. You know, I can't -- I just can't take this anymore, Sheridan. I want to believe you that Marty is our son. I do. God, I do, and I have tried. And now I just don't know what to do because I can't just throw facts and logic out the window. It goes against everything that I believe in.
Sheridan: I know. I know how you think, how you get through life. But if you can't let your head accept what I believe, then your heart never will.
Luis: Look, there's nothing that I can do, Sheridan.
Sheridan: That's why I have to do something.
Sheridan: I have to leave you.
On the Next Passions:
Ned: To my assistant. It's foolproof. They'll never catch me.
Man: Your son, Noah, isn't a student here.
Ethan: You can either give the baby to us, or you can give Jane to the police.
Theresa: No, Ethan! Never, never, never!
Sheridan: It's not an outside force that's trying to separate us. It's you.
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