Passions Transcript Monday 5/23/05 [an error occurred while processing this directive]

Passions Transcript Friday 5/20/05 - Canada; Monday 5/23/05 - USA
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By  Amanda
Proofread by Jodi

Sam: Lord, I guess I'm a little late with this, but I need your help. Jessica's in trouble, and I don't know how to help her. She's my little girl and I love her, but she's on a wild ride right now. She's rebelling against me, against her sister. She's throwing away just about everything she's ever been taught about how to live her life, everything she's learned at church, at home. It's like she's never even heard it before. Maybe she's just going through a phase. But what she's doing is dangerous. If grace had been here, maybe we might have been able to handle things. But she's not. I just don't know what to do. If anything ever happened to Jessica, I don't know what I'd do -- or any of my children, for that matter.

Jessica: Kay, put that down!

Kay: No. Not until we're done. Jess, you can't go on like this. Wake up. Don't you ever watch the news? If you keep sneaking out to get high and sleep around with loser guys like Spike, then you're going to die. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one of these days it's going to be payback time. You're gambling with your life, and you're going to end up dead.

Jessica: Oh, stop the dramatics, Kay. I won't wind up dead. I'm just trying to have a good time.

Kay: Jessica, you're involved with a thug who gives you drugs to have sex with you, and he put a tattoo on you. You're not stupid. You could get AIDS or o.d.

Jessica: Oh, please. It's not like I'm an addict or anything. I just do a few recreational drugs.

Kay: Which is illegal. Our dad is the chief of police. Do you not even care about his reputation?

Jessica: Actually, I don't.

Kay: How can you say that? He's been a wonderful dad. He doesn't deserve this.

Jessica: Oh, cut the crap, Kay. I'm just following in his footsteps, his and Mom's. She's off having a great time with David and Dad's got Ivy in his bed.

Kay: Well, you know that Dad asked Ivy to leave so he could concentrate on helping you.

Jessica: I don't need his help. I'm not going to wait until I'm middle-aged to start my partying like they did. I'm going to enjoy myself now, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Ned: Come on. Come on.

Croupier: 25, red. 25.

Sandra: Whoo!

Croupier: And the gentleman is a winner.

Ned: Let's hope this is the start of something good.

Sandra: That's for luck.

Ned: It worked last time, so don't you go anywhere, ok, Sandra?

Sandra: I'm glued to the spot.

Fancy: I don't understand it. My invitation was in here earlier.

Doorman: Maybe you left it up in your room.

Fancy: That would make me pretty stupid, wouldn't it, and I'm not stupid. Well, it's not in my purse. You're just going to have to let me in without it.

Doorman: Sorry, miss. This is an invitation-only party.

Fancy: I was invited. I just don't have the silly piece of paper. Look, you know who I am. I'm one of those people that casinos call a high roller? I know the owner. He would definitely want me in here throwing my money around.

Doorman: Look, I'm sorry. If it were up to me, you'd be inside, but I have my orders. Only people with invitations are allowed.

Fancy: Huh. Then how did that bum get in?

Sheridan: So you understand, then?

Tabitha: Oh, of course I do, dear. Really, I didn't know what love meant until I had little Endora. Oh, I can't imagine how I'd feel if someone stole her away from me. It'd break my heart. And Luis won't believe you?

Sheridan: No. No, it's caused such a huge rift between us, and I know Marty is my child and I will do anything to get him back.

Tabitha: The idea of losing Endora, I -- yes, I'll wager you will do anything to get little Marty back in your arms again, right?

Sheridan: Yes.

[Endora giggles]

Mrs. Wallace: Merciful angels.

Luis: Mrs. Wallace, are you all right?

Beth: Mother, what's your problem?

Mrs. Wallace: Oh -- well, he's a she.

Luis: What?

Beth: What are you talking about, mother?

Mrs. Wallace: Marty's a girl.

Beth: Mother, have you finally lost your mind? Luis, she's going fast.

Luis: Mrs. Wallace, are you ok?

Mrs. Wallace: Well, I mean, I just, you know, saw it. One -- one minute he was Marty, and the next minute he was -- he was a girl.

Luis: Yeah, well, that's ridiculous. As you can see, Marty's fine.

Mrs. Wallace: Well, I could have sworn he changed into a cute little girl.

Beth: Mother, do you hear how crazy that sounds?

Mrs. Wallace: Huh? Yeah, yeah, you're right. You know, I'm probably just tired, you know? I'm probably just, you know, seeing things. Angels, help me!

Beth: Oh. There you -- there you go. Luis, I am sorry. She's just getting really bad, thinking Marty is a girl and everything. I told you she's losing it.

Luis: Yeah.

Tabitha: How can Luis not support you in this, Sheridan? Isn't trust the most important thing in any relationship?

Sheridan: I think so. Yet he won't believe me when I insist that Marty is my child, our child.

Tabitha: If there's one thing you can be sure of in this world, it's a mother's innate ability to know her own child.

Sheridan: And Luis is convinced that I'm wrong, because we had a D.N.A. test done and it showed Beth to be Marty's mother, but I know that the test is wrong. I mean, it was either misinterpreted or there was some mistake.

Tabitha: So Luis believed the test instead of believing you?

Sheridan: Yes. And it just -- it absolutely breaks my heart, Tabitha.

Tabitha: Of course it does, dear. You have to stand up for what you believe with all your heart and soul. You have to take your child back.

Kay: Jessica, I'm not just trying to boss you around. I'm really worried about you.

Jessica: Well, don't be. I can take care of myself, Kay.

Kay: No, you can't. If you could, you wouldn't be in this horrible situation.

Jessica: Oh, give me a break, Kay. I am not doing anything different than any other girls my age.

Kay: That's bull, ok? And besides, you're not any other girl, you're my sister, and I don't think you have a clue how dangerous life can be.

Jessica: Oh, and you do?

Kay: Yes. I do. I just don't know why you're acting like this. Did you lose all of your ambition to do something with your life?

Jessica: You know, what's the point of having dreams and ambitions, Kay? Look what it got you -- a baby, no husband, and a crappy job at that cannery. Hmm. That's not what I want.

Kay: Well, what do you want?

Jessica: I want to have fun. That's simple enough even for you to understand.

Kay: Fun? That's not what it looks like. It looks like you want to destroy yourself and hurt Dad in the process.

Jessica: That's not true.

Kay: Then why are you doing this? Do you want Dad to call Mom and have her come home so she can babysit you?

Jessica: I said no! I want her to leave Dad alone! You know, I want Ivy to leave him alone, too. I just want everyone to leave him alone.

Kay: Wait a minute. Now I see what this is. You just -- you just want Dad all to yourself, don't you?

Ned: Put this on double-zero, please.

Croupier: Double-zero. You got it, sir.

Fancy: I'd like to know why you let that man, that idiot into this party.

Doorman: The gentleman had an invitation.

Fancy: He is no gentleman, and there is no way he would be invited to a private, exclusive party like this.

Doorman: But he did have an invitation. I saw it.

Fancy: All right, all right, fine. Well, whether I have an invitation or not, I was invited, so I suggest you let me in or I'll have to speak to Omar. You work for him, remember?

Doorman: Monsieur Fouchet is in Monte Carlo on business this evening. And I'm afraid I still can't let you in.

Fancy: How dare you. I'll see you lose your job for this.

Woman: Hey, Jake.

Jake: Hey, Miss Connell.

Miss Connell: What's going on?

Fancy: You work here? I want this buffoon fired.

Miss Connell: I'm Mary Connell. I work down the strip at the Montecito, but I've known Jake here forever. I know Omar, as well. I'd be happy to help out one of his guests. Is there a problem?

Fancy: Oh, you bet there's a problem. I'm trying to attend this party, but this goon won't let me in.

Jake: The young lady doesn't have an invitation.

Fancy: I do, too. I just seem to have misplaced it.

Mary: Well, this is a private party. They've known me forever, and even I had to show my invitation. If you don't have yours, you can't attend.

Fancy: Do you have any idea who I am?

Mary: Oh, sure. I've seen your face on the tabloids at the supermarket.

Fancy: I'm famous.

Mary: "Notorious" might be more like it. Look, I'd love to help you out, but rules are rules. If you don't have your invitation, you can't come in. If this was your party, would you like it if Jake here let in just any hooker off the street?

Fancy: Oh.

Mary: If you'd like to gamble, there's many venues out in our main casino.

Fancy: Ew. The nickel slots with all the tourists? Yeah, right.

Mary: Well, then perhaps you'd like to try to the Montecito. We never close. Have a good evening. Good night, Jake.

Jake: Good night, Miss Connell. Well, you heard her. No invitation, no party. If you don't leave now, I'll be forced to call security.

Man: What seems to be the problem?

Fancy: Oh, my invitation was misplaced and this moron won't let me in without it.

Jake: I'm following my orders, sir.

Man: I'd be more than happy to have you as my guest.

Jake: Sir, without an invitation, I'm afraid I can't --

Man: The lady lost her invitation. I'm sure Omar would be very pleased to see her here tonight.

Jake: Yes, sir. Have a nice evening.

Fancy: Thank you. Why didn't I think to give him some money?

Man: Well, I imagine you are unaccustomed to having to bribe people to go to a party.

Fancy: You imagine right. And I'll have him fired, too.

Man: Ah, why not just forget about it and try to have some fun?

Fancy: Oh. Sure, why not? But will you excuse me for just a moment?

Man: Sure.

Jake: That was very nice of you to help her out. Of course, that favor is going to cost you a bundle.

Man: Oh, I'll get my money's worth, one way or the other.

Tabitha: Haven't you suffered enough, Sheridan? I don't know how you can stand another minute without holding your child in your arms.

Sheridan: I can't. And I think I'll lose my mind if I don't get Marty back soon.

Tabitha: Well, then, that's what you have to do.

Sheridan: But how? I mean, how?

Tabitha: What in Hades --

Luis: I feel for you, Beth. I really do. I know what a burden it's been to take care of your mother all this time and not to mention you've been taking care of Marty mostly by yourself, too.

Beth: Oh, Marty's no problem, but taking care of Mother is getting harder and harder, especially now that Precious is gone.

Luis: Yeah.

Beth: I'm starting to wonder if it's safe for Marty to stay home alone with her.

Mrs. Wallace: Ok, now, three times three is nine. Three times four is 12. Three times five is 15. Ok, Edna, yep, you still got it, see, see? As long as you can do your multiplication tables, it means the old brain cells are still working. Thank you, angels. I just need some glasses, that's what it is.

Luis: Does she talk to herself all the time?

Beth: Yeah. Mostly praying to the angels. She swears they talk back.

Mrs. Wallace: Oh. How about a nice big chocolate chip cookie for my little tyke here, huh, huh?

[Mrs. Wallace gasps]

Mrs. Wallace: Merciful angels, Marty's a girl again.

Kay: That's it, isn't it? You just want Dad all to yourself.

Jessica: No. You're being ridiculous. I just want him and everyone else, especially you, to leave me alone.

Kay: Fine. I'm happy to leave you alone.

Jessica: You are? You're not just saying that?

Kay: No. I will leave you alone as long as you eat some dinner.

Jessica: I am not going to eat that slop. Ew, it looks like Mom's pot roast on drugs all dried up. It's gross.

Kay: It is Mom's pot roast recipe. And it's not slop. It's delicious, and you're going to eat it.

Jessica: Forget about it. I'm not eating it.

Kay: Oh, yes, you are.

Croupier: No more bets.

Croupier: Double-zero, the number, double-O.

Ned: Yes. Oh, you are my good-luck charm. Don't you ever leave me.

Ned: You? Where's Sandra?

Fancy: I saw her heading to the bar, I assume to get drinks.

Ned: What are you doing?

Fancy: What am I doing? You kissed me.

Ned: I thought you were Sandra.

Fancy: Oh, sure, you did.

Ned: I did.

Fancy: Ever since you laid eyes on me, you keep trying to kiss me.

Ned: Sorry. You're not my type.

Fancy: I'm everyone's type. But that's not why I'm here. You stole my invitation to this party, didn't you?

Ned: Don't be ridiculous.

Fancy: You stole it out of my bag when you conveniently knocked it over at the pool today.

Ned: You think I need you to get into a place like this?

Fancy: Yes, I do.

Ned: Well, I don't. I have friends. I can get my own invitation.

Fancy: Then why is my shade of lipstick on your invitation, huh?

Sam: What's with me? Since when did I ever wallow in self-pity? I hate it. I just can't believe what's happened in my life. I guess if anyone deserved to be pitied, it's me. My wife left me for another man. One of my daughters is struggling because she had a baby out of wedlock. The other one is completely out of control. I can't handle her. And my son, Noah -- he never comes around. I guess in some way I've let him down, too. What did I do? Where did I go wrong?

Kay: Sit down now and eat.

Jessica: I told you I won't eat that garbage. You're not my mom.

Kay: You're right. I'm not Mom. She would probably make you two or three other things until you found something that you liked. But not me, ok? That's it. So you either eat it or you go hungry.

Jessica: Oh, fine. I'm not hungry anyway.

Kay: Oh, why not? Is it the drugs? Because I know that drugs make you lose your appetite. Eat something or you're going to get sick.

Jessica: I won't get sick. I'm just not hungry.

Kay: All right. Well, you're not going to get anything till breakfast.

Jessica: Oh, no problem.

Kay: Come on, Jess. Just take a few bites. You don't have to eat the whole thing.

Jessica: I said no!

Kay: And I said yes!

Jessica: Ugh. No!

Tabitha: Oh, you poor girl. Have some more iced tea. It'll make you feel better.

[Sheridan screams]

Tabitha: Oh, oh, oh, I'm so sorry, Sheridan. Oh, what a clumsy klutz I am.

Sheridan: It's -- it's all right. It's only just a little iced tea.

Tabitha: Well, I'll get you a towel, dear. Come on. Here we go, here we go.

Tabitha: Where is Endora? Huh? Endora, will you come back here at once, you little imp? Endora, you are a naughty girl. Will you come back here immediately, you little witch? Huh?

Marty: No.

[Mrs. Wallace gasps]

Luis: What is it now, Mrs. Wallace?

Mrs. Wallace: Nothing, nothing, no. See, don't mind me. Nothing is -- nothing is wrong with me. I'm -- I'm not crazy, you see? I swear to you I am not crazy. I do not see a little girl here. No, I am right as rain. Four times four is 16. Four times five is 20. You see, nothing could be wrong with a woman who could do her times tables as well as I can, you see? Four times six is 24.

Luis: Very good, Mrs. Wallace.

Mrs. Wallace: Yeah.

Luis: I'd better go find Sheridan.

Beth: No, Luis, please don't go.

Mrs. Wallace: No, I think you should, Luis. Luis, I really do, you know, because maybe -- maybe --

[Mrs. Wallace coughs]

Mrs. Wallace: You know, I am coming down with something, and I don't want you to get it.

Luis: Ok.

Mrs. Wallace: We don't want you to get sick. We certainly wouldn't want you to be catching your death now, would we, Bethie? Night-night.

Luis: All right. Beth.

Mrs. Wallace: Bye-bye, honey.

Beth: Are you out of your mind? What is wrong with you?

Mrs. Wallace: Shh, shh, shh. Bethie, look at Marty. He's a she again.

Beth: What?

Mrs. Wallace: Yes, just -- just -- I'm telling you, just look at him!

Beth: Luis and I looked at him. He's fine, Mother.

Mrs. Wallace: Yes, yes, I know that, I know that, but I need you to look at him again. Tell me what you see.

Beth: That is ridiculous. Stop it.

Mrs. Wallace: Would you just look at him? Tell me what you see! Go on!

Beth: Oh, god, for heaven's sake!

Mrs. Wallace: See? See? I told you, Marty's a girl again.

Beth: Mother, I don't know what you're babbling about, but what I do see is Marty with a bunch of cookie on his face.

Mrs. Wallace: Oh. I swear to you, Bethie, by everything that is holy, Marty -- Marty was a girl.

Beth: Mother, get a grip, ok?

Mrs. Wallace: No, no, I mean it. Just now -- just a minute ago --

Beth: Ok, obviously, you've been drinking.

Mrs. Wallace: No. No, I mean, I just had one little shot, that's all, one little shot. It's certainly not going to make me start seeing things.

Beth: Well, what you are seeing is a mess right here. Right? Let's pick it up.

Tabitha: You have been a very naughty girl, Endora. You have to stop this nonsense at once! I said stop it! If Sheridan sees you like this, our gooses will be cooked!

[Sheridan gasps]

Sheridan: What is Marty doing here?

Kay: You could have hit me!

Jessica: Yeah. Next time I won't miss.

Kay: Are you crazy? Get down there and clean this up!

Jessica: Oh, go to hell.

Kay: Clean it up!

Jessica: You clean it up! I didn't make that mess. You did.

Kay: I did not throw it, and I'm not cleaning it up! Do you want Dad to see this when he gets home?

Jessica: Hmm. I don't care.

Kay: You know what? You are acting like a 2-year-old, so I'm going to treat you like one! Go to your room!

Jessica: You can't send me to my room!

Kay: Then I'll drag you there. I'm still bigger than you, Jessica.

Jessica: Leave me alone, Kay.

Kay: Go to your room or I will hurt you! Do you understand?

Jessica: Ok! Ok. I'm going to my room.

Kay: I'm not equipped for this. Where are you, Dad? Gosh, you got to come home.

Luis: Sam?

Sam: Luis.

Luis: Hey. Seems like the last time I ran into you you were standing here staring out to sea.

Sam: I still haven't gotten any answers.

Luis: Is it Ivy again?

Sam: It's Jessica. I went out to get her some ice cream just now. You know, ice cream always used to make her feel a little better when she was little, but she's not little anymore. I got a feeling it's going to take a lot more than ice cream to get through to her.

Luis: Hmm. Is this about what happened at that underground club, with that -- that guy Randy?

Sam: It's worse. She's been hanging out with that club owner, some guy named Spike.

Luis: Ooh. Boy, that guy's bad news. We've been trying to bring that guy down for a long time.

Sam: Tell me about it. I found them together, Luis, in the back of his club, in bed, stoned.

Luis: Oh, Sam --

Sam: She has a tattoo with his name on it, a tattoo he gave her. He branded her, Luis, like she's his damn property. And it seems like she doesn't even care. I keep trying to tell her that she's destroying her life, but she won't listen. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my daughter. Where did I go wrong?

Luis: Sam, hey, come on. Come on. Hey, you have always been a great dad.

Sam: Yeah, well, it sure doesn't feel like it. You know, since Grace left town, things have been going downhill fast.

Luis: Yeah, tell me about it.

Sam: You and Sheridan still having problems?

Luis: Yeah, it's just the same old story. She still thinks that Marty's her son.

Sam: But you told me you did a D.N.A. Test.

Luis: Yeah, we did a D.N.A. test, and it proved that Beth is Marty's mother, but Sheridan still thinks that Marty's her son in her heart.

Sam: And you still don't?

Luis: Sam, I want to believe her. I really do. It's just how do you argue with a D.N.A. test, you know? And Sheridan -- she just won't listen to reason.

Fancy: That's my invitation. What are you doing with it?

Ned: How do you know it's yours? Just because there's lipstick on it? How do I know it's your lipstick?

Fancy: It's called hotty totty, and it's a special blend I have done in New York, to match my skin tone, see?

Croupier: No more bets.

Ned: Well, so our invitations got mixed up, that's all.

Fancy: That's bull.

Ned: Tough. Now, I'm trying to gamble here. Will you bug off?

Fancy: I just brought you good luck. You should be thanking me, instead of trying to get rid of me.

Croupier: 22, black and even, 22.

Ned: Well, wait, wait. I didn't want to let it ride.

Croupier: I'm sorry, sir. You had plenty of chance to remove your chips.

Ned: No, but she was --

Fancy: I guess you lose.

Ned: Man, you are nothing but bad luck. Do me a favor -- just stay away from me, will you?

Sandra: Ned, what happened to all of your chips? You were winning.

Ned: Typhoid Mary here showed up. She distracted me, so I unintentionally let it all ride, and I lost it all.

Fancy: Don't blame me. You were too busy kissing me to notice.

Sandra: You were kissing her?

Ned: I thought it was you, not this big-mouthed bleach blond. I didn't see you leave the table, and so when I turned to kiss you, she was sitting there. Believe me, it was nothing.

Fancy: Yeah, I'll have you know I'm a natural blond.

Ned: Look, I don't care what the color of your hair is or your lipstick or anything else. All I can see is your arrogant, annoying personality.

Fancy: Oh, that is it. I'm going to have you thrown out of here.

Ned: I don't think so.

Kay: I don't know what's gotten into Jessica. She was always the good one, the responsible one, the one who never got in trouble. Now she's a holy terror. I can't believe it's the same girl. I don't like the way she's acting at all. Gosh, ugh, it doesn't look like Mom's going to come home, so I guess I'm going to have to help Dad take care of her. I don't know how. I have my own daughter to take care of, and my job. I guess I'll have to figure it out.

Jessica: Damn Kay! Who does she think she is, ordering me around, trying to force me to eat? She is such a hypocrite. She's been a juvenile delinquent all of her life, with a bastard baby, she broke Mom and Dad's hearts, and now she thinks she can tell me what to do? Well, forget about it. Kay is not going to stop me from doing what I want to do.

Sam: Don't you think that it's only a matter of time before Sheridan finally realizes that Marty couldn't possibly be her son?

Luis: Sam, it's been a year and a half since that kidnapper drove off the bridge with our baby.

Sam: It's not very long, considering Sheridan's had so many other traumatic things that's happened to her since then. I mean, she could come around to the truth.

Luis: Look, I miss our baby just as much as Sheridan does. I'm just not going to spend the rest of my life grieving over the loss of our child.

Sam: And you think Sheridan will?

Luis: What Sheridan is doing now is worse. Now she's even more convinced than ever that Beth kidnapped her and stole her baby.

Sam: And how's Beth dealing with this?

Luis: Well, Beth's upset, of course. And I just think we both thought the D.N.A. test was going to help put Sheridan's mind at rest, but now she's just -- she's more convinced than ever that Marty's hers.

Sam: What are you going to do?

Luis: I don't know. I just -- I don't think Sheridan's going to give up. I don't -- I don't think she's going to be happy unless she gets Marty.

Tabitha: Oh, I'm -- I'm sorry, dear. Did you say something?

Sheridan: I -- I said, what is Marty doing here? Well, and you know, I don't even care! I'm just so happy to see him. Oh, my sweet little angel, Mommy's here.

Tabitha: Endora, get back here this instant. Ah -- oh, I'm so sorry, dear. Did you say something about Marty? This is Endora, you know.

Sheridan: No, wait, I just -- I saw Marty here. Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I must be so upset over Marty that I'm seeing him everywhere.

Tabitha: Oh, it's perfectly understandable, dear. Look, Sheridan, you're still wet. Oh, I am so sorry. Oh, I'm such a clumsy clot. There you are. There, dry yourself off, dear.

Sheridan: It's ok. Really, thank you.

Tabitha: Oh, you are a clever little girl, Endora, turning yourself into Marty so Sheridan will think she's losing her mind. This could push her right over the edge, you know. Yeah, keep up the good work, my little witchling. Oh, you poor girl, seeing Marty wherever you go. What a terrible burden to carry.

Sheridan: It is. I still don't know how I mistook Endora for Marty.

Tabitha: Oh, well, it's perfectly understandable, dear. I mean, you're distraught. You're grieving. Oh, you're trying to tell the man you love that Marty is your baby together, and he doesn't believe you.

Sheridan: You know, I was so sure. I mean, I was the one that insisted on having that D.N.A. test run in the first place. I still don't understand how it could say that Beth is Marty's mother. I mean, the only other thing that I could think of is if she's my sister.

Tabitha: Your sister?

Sheridan: Well, yeah, you know, sister, half sister. I mean, if that were true, then Beth's D.N.A. could be close enough to mine that she could pass as Marty's mother.

Tabitha: Well, that makes perfect sense. Well, why don't you have the test done again?

Sheridan: Well, Luis wouldn't let me ask Beth again, and I'm sure that she would refuse, anyway.

Tabitha: Oh. Well, that's a pity. Well, have you talked to the technician who actually did the test?

Sheridan: Oh, Dottie -- she's a really good friend of mine, and she came all the way from Boston to run the test as a favor, and she's really thorough.

Tabitha: Well, there must be a way to prove the test wrong. Maybe you should call your friend Dottie and ask her if there's any way that there could have been a mistake in the result.

Sheridan: Oh, I know that there is a mistake.

Tabitha: Well, you know, the truth lies in the D.N.A., Sheridan. I mean, if there was an error, then maybe Dottie could call Luis and convince him to do the test again. And that way you won't be seen to be the one pressuring Beth to do it, huh?

Sheridan: You know what? You're right. It might just work. I'm going to call Dottie right now. Thank you so much, Tabitha. You have been such a big help.

Tabitha: Oh --

Sheridan: Thank you.

Tabitha: Oh, my pleasure. Anytime, dear.

Luis: I just feel like I should have been able to stop all these horrible things from happening to us.

Sam: Yeah, don't let it get you down. Sometimes there are some outside forces that throw your life into a tailspin.

Luis: Yeah, right. Like when David came back to Harmony to come between you and Grace?

Sam: Yeah, the husband Grace didn't even remember marrying because of her amnesia. And that's just one instance. Look, I don't like to talk about it because it sounds so bizarre. But I think it's this town.

Luis: This town? What -- what do you mean, "this town"?

Sam: Yeah, I mean, strange things happen here. Maybe it's the way that the fog rolls in from the sea or there's some strange, magnetic force underground. Look, I don't know, but there are some pretty weird things that have happened in this town.

Luis: Like when your house fell into that sinkhole and disappeared?

Sam: My house was sucked into the bowels of hell, Luis. Look, don't you feel it? Like some strange thing is in the air?

Luis: Yeah. Yeah, it's like -- like the town itself generates some sort of evil force, huh?

Sam: Maybe it's just the history of this town, you know, with all the witch hunts and trials that went on? I think this town is cursed.

Luis: Well, I hope not. You know, I've got a hard enough time getting Sheridan to face reality without some evil force trying to tear us apart, you know? I can't lose her, Sam.

Sam: And I can't lose my children, either. I'm going to protect Jessica and all my children with everything I've got, no matter what I have to do.

Kay: I wish Dad would get home. I should probably go next door and check on Maria. But I just don't feel right leaving Jessica here by herself. After the way she was hurting herself and cutting herself -- no, I should just stay here until Dad gets home. Tabitha won't mind watching Maria for me. I hope Dad's nailed Jessica's window shut. I don't want her sneaking out again.

Jessica: Damn Kay, so full of herself. Self-righteous skank. She thinks she can play mommy with me, try to keep me at home? But she's too dumb to realize I can get out any time I want. Hmm. I'm amazed Daddy didn't nail the window shut. But even that wouldn't have stopped me. So long, big sister. I'm out of here.

Ned: You can't throw me out. I have an invitation, and you don't.

Fancy: You know, you should know he stole my invitation. He's a total jerk.

Sandra: Sorry you feel that way. I'm perfectly happy with the man.

Ned: Why don't you go take your brand of good luck to someone else. I got my lucky charm right here.

Man: You know, I couldn't help noticing how rude that young man was to you.

Fancy: Who cares? He's a jerk.

Man: Let me buy you a drink.

Fancy: How about an entire bottle? Champagne. I feel like partying.

Man: Even better.

Mrs. Wallace: Ah! Oh, I swear that Marty looked like a girl. As a matter of fact, he looked like Tabitha's daughter, Endora.

Beth: Mother, you better lay off the gin. It's pickling what's left of your brain.

Mrs. Wallace: I am fine, just fine. Six times six is 36. Seven times seven is 49. Eight times eight is -- oh, my god, I have no idea what eight times eight is. Maybe I am going nuts!

Beth: You are. You're as nuts as everyone thinks Sheridan is for claiming that Marty is her son.

Mrs. Wallace: He is her son.

Beth: Yes, but no one will ever know that, because I have the D.N.A. test to prove that I'm his mother. Right?

Sheridan: You know what? I'm going to call Dottie right now. She'll know if there was a mistake in the D.N.A. test.

Tabitha: An excellent idea. Thank Hades. Looks like we won't have to endure Luis and Sheridan's love story much longer. I love unhappy endings, don't you, Endora?

On the Next Passions:

Theresa: Hold on to your love for Sheridan, Luis. If you don't, your relationship with her is doomed.

Gwen: Ethan, you need to stop her before she tries to deny you custody of Jane.

Fancy: Ned, you were right about my friend being trouble -- but for you, not me.

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