Thursday 5/5/05--Canada; Friday 5/6/05--USA
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Ethan: You can't be serious.
Theresa: No, I've never been more serious. If you don't divorce Gwen and marry me, then I'm going to send her to jail for the rest of her life so we can be together.
Rebecca: You know, I've got news for you, honey. You see, a good marriage does not begin with blackmail.
Ethan: Theresa, you're going kind of mad here, all right?
Theresa: No, no, Ethan, I'm not going anything, ok? I'm trying to save you from yourself. You know, Ethan -- listen to me! You know we belong together. We have a daughter together and she needs you, and you need your family.
Gwen: You know what, Theresa, we are going to have a family. You want to know why? Because Ethan is going to get the courts to take Jane away from you and give her to me!
Theresa: No, no, Gwen, you're wrong. He is not going to do that. He would never take his daughter away from her birth mother.
Ethan: Don't you count on it. I have warned you not to back me into a corner like this.
Theresa: No, Ethan, you wouldn't.
Ethan: Yes, I would!
Ethan: If you're cruel enough to put her in prison for the rest of her life, then I'm a little concerned and worried about what kind of a mother you would be to my daughter. You have the power to end this whole war with her! All you got to do is drop the charges against her and we can all go back to our regular and normal lives. Tell me you're going to do it, that you're going to end this! Please tell me that.
Luis: Sheridan, do not slam the door in my face. We need to talk.
Sheridan: No. Oh, no. I am all talked out. There is nothing left to say because the man that should be on my side isn't because he doesn't believe me.
Luis: It's not that I don't believe you!
Sheridan: Whatever! You are just like everyone else. You think I'm crazy.
Luis: Sheridan, no.
Sheridan: Sheridan, yes! Can't you see how hurt I am right now? Look, I'm not saying that the world is flat. I'm not saying that evil witches live amongst us -- well, that is except for one, and her name is Beth. Luis, she is not Marty's mother, I am!! You have to believe me! If you love me, then -- then you should believe me.
Mrs. Wallace: Angels in heaven, you gave me the power! Now please give me the strength to stop this Greek tragedy! Alistair and Beth cannot do the down and dirty! He's her father!
Beth: Um, Alistair, I don't -- I don't know about this.
Alistair: Well, I do. I do. I'm going to make love to you like a real man should make love to a woman. That's something you'll never forget. So come to Papa.
Sam: Ivy, you can't just walk off into the night.
Ivy: Why not, Sam? There's not much that matters right now.
Sam: Don't talk that way. Ivy, come back to the house. Stay tonight.
Ivy: Sam, please! Having me go back to the house would just be cruel.
Sam: Cruel? Ivy, I'm just trying to make sure you're safe. That isn't cruel.
Ivy: No? Think about it, Sam. You know that if I go back to your house, then some part of me is going to think maybe, maybe there's a chance that I can stay. And we both know that that is not going to happen. You want me out of your life. Don't give me hope, Sam. The gift of hope would be the ultimate cruelty.
Ethan: Theresa, tell me you're going to drop the charges against Gwen. Tell me.
Theresa: No. I can't turn my back on our love.
Rebecca: See? Once a guttersnipe, always a guttersnipe.
Gwen: Theresa, you can't win here. Ethan is not going to leave me!
Theresa: Well, then I guess he's going to get awfully tired of driving to the state pen to visit you. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in jail, Gwen, with thieves and murderers? Is that what you want? The real choice is yours here. Divorce Ethan and I'll drop the charges.
Theresa: Well, then I guess by the time you get back to Harmony, my daughter is going to have grandchildren.
Rebecca: Yeah, well, don't bet on it because Ethan is going to take Jane away from you.
Theresa: No, he won't. You know what, Rebecca? You don't know Ethan the way I do. He's not going to take my daughter away from me.
Ethan: Yes, I will. You're forcing me to do this. I will take her away from you!
Luis: Sheridan, I love you. I would never betray you.
Sheridan: And I love you. But love is more than just flowers and romance and the bedroom. It's about trust and respect and equal partnership. Those are the bricks that you use to build a life together, but you don't trust me.
Luis: Honey --
Sheridan: No, no! There. You know what -- "honey, sweetheart, darling" -- don't you know that I can hear the condescension in your voice? You got to be thinking, "Poor Sheridan. She's really lost it this time. I'll just calm her down and then she'll kiss me and say, 'oh, Luis, thank you so much for showing me the light.'" Well, I got news for you -- not going to happen because I know that Marty is my son and I know that Beth is a monster in disguise.
Luis: All right, then what about the D.N.A. test? It proved that Beth is Marty's mother, ok?
Sheridan: That I can't explain. Somehow that D.N.A. test is wrong because I know that Marty is my son, our son. I have never been more sure of anything in my life, and you just have to put your doubts aside and help me prove this!
Luis: Sweetheart --
Sheridan: See? There you go again. You can't for one second admit that I might be right. You never back me up.
Luis: Of course I --
Sheridan: You never give me the benefit of the doubt!
Luis: Yes, I do!
Sheridan: No, you don't! What, like tonight at the nightclub? You really think that I would go after Beth with a knife? See? You are more than willing to believe that I would, but you can't admit that she would actually attack me.
Luis: Look, whatever happened there tonight, let's not make more out of it than what actually is, ok?
Sheridan: Whoa, "more out of it"? Beth tried to kill me and you don't believe me!
Luis: Come on, you're overreacting! Look at the evidence, ok? Your friend Dottie did the D.N.A. test that proved that Beth is Marty's mother. Ok, in a court of law, that is more than enough, Sheridan.
Sheridan: Court of law? Would you just stop thinking like a cop for two seconds? Whether there is evidence or none at all, you should love and support me no matter what!
Mrs. Wallace: Oh.
Maid: May I help you?
Mrs. Wallace: Holy good night, Mary Ellen Ryan and all the saints in Ireland, are you a healthy girl. You must work out. Do you have a sister in the nut house named Norma?
Maid: State your business, please.
Mrs. Wallace: Well, my business --
Mrs. Wallace: Is in there. I need to see Alistair. Where is he?
Maid: Mr. Crane -- he can't be disturbed. He's entertaining.
Mrs. Wallace: Huh! Ok, is that what he's calling it now? Well, ok, that's a party of one, of two that I have to stop.
Maid: You can't come in! Leave or I'll call security!
Mrs. Wallace: Hey, hey, hey! Out of my way, sunshine! I have to see Alistair! It's a matter of life and -- and birth!
Maid: Lady, you are not getting me fired!
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, all I'm trying to do is stop two of the lord's souls from being fired in the pits of hell, so out of my way!
Mrs. Wallace: Ha-ha!
Maid: Oh, no, you don't!
Beth: Mr. Crane, I've changed my mind. I don't want to do this.
Alistair: That's what they all say. Then they all change their tune.
Beth: No. There, ok? I said it -- no. You can't sleep with a woman who says no.
Alistair: No one says no to me. And I've wanted you for quite a while, Beth, ever since I kissed you disguised as Charlie. But I'm not Charlie anymore. I'm Alistair Crane, and I take what I want, and I want you, Beth, now.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, this is impossible! I could be looking up here for days and never find them. Ok, ok, what do those people do who want to find water and they use a stick? How do they do it? Oh, come on, think, Edna, think, think, think. Ok, angels, angels, you have got to help me find the evil that is nearby in this house pronto! Ooh! Oh, boy! Ok. Ok. Whoo! Whoa! Whoa! Oh, god, talk about pronto. Whoa! Whoa! Ok, hey, ok, ok, when you got it, you got it. Thank you, amigos! Love you, mean it, owe you one. Now what do I do?
Mrs. Wallace: I didn't watch "MacGyver" all those years for nothing.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, no. Lordy, lordy, Bethie! No!
Sam: Ivy, I don't want to hurt you. I've always wanted what's best for you. But Jessica is in big trouble. I have to focus on her now.
Ivy: I know, Sam. I know. I'll find a place to stay.
Sam: Ivy? Please stay at the bed-and-breakfast.
Ivy: Right. Walk into another one of Grace's perfect bedrooms? I think not. I'll find my own place.
Sam: If you're sure.
Ivy: You know, it's funny, I -- I went from my father's house to Julian's house to your house. I've never really been on my own.
Sam: Ivy, let me help you.
Ivy: Please, Sam. Just leave me alone.
Sam: I'll respect your wishes.
Ivy: And I yours.
Ivy: Good night, Sam. Goodbye.
Theresa: I don't believe you. I don't believe that you would team up with these two to take my daughter away from me.
Ethan: Well, you'd better believe it, because if you don't drop these charges against Gwen, I'm going to start proceedings right away, immediately. I'm not bluffing here. I will take Jane away from you, I will raise her myself, and keep you out of her life because I don't think a child deserves to have a mother that will sink to the depths that you've reached, Theresa.
Theresa: No, no, you won't. I know you. I know what's in your heart. You love me, Ethan. You have always loved me. We would've had a perfect marriage for years now if Gwen hadn't been pregnant.
Gwen: And when I was pregnant, you killed my little girl, Theresa!
Ethan: You know, our love was not so perfect, Theresa. Gwen wasn't the only one hurt. Remember that little file that you put together about my true paternity? The one you sent to the sleaziest tabloid in the country? Because of you, the whole wide world found out that I was Sam Bennett's son.
Mrs. Wallace: Alistair Crane, you keep your bits and pieces to yourself or the lord is going to smite you down!
Beth: Mother, what are you doing here?
Mrs. Wallace: I am here to stop you from committing a crime against god and his prophets and his cherubim and seraphim --
Alistair: Will you shut up! Get out of my house, you old bat!
Mrs. Wallace: "Old bat"? Ha! Is that any way to be speaking to the mother of your child, huh?
Beth: Mother, have you gone completely senile?
Mrs. Wallace: No, Bethie. I am here on god's mission to stop you from making love to your own father. Alistair Crane here is your long-lost daddy!
Theresa: I've said it before and I'll say this again -- I never sent that file to the tabloid. Ethan, listen, it was on my computer, the file that said that you were Ivy and Sam's son, but when it came out, I was more surprised than anyone. Somebody else sent that file from my computer, Ethan. Somebody else did this to you.
Ethan: Nice try, nice try. If you didn't do it, who did?
Rebecca: Well, listen to those lies just spill from her lips.
Theresa: I have no idea who sent that file, Ethan, but trust me, I swear to you on my children's lives it wasn't me. I love you, Ethan. I have always loved you, and I would never do anything to hurt you ever.
Ivy: Oh, you liar. Ever since you bulldozed your way into our lives, you have done nothing but hurt Ethan, and I refuse to let you hurt him again.
Beth: Alistair Crane is my father?
Mrs. Wallace: Yes, sirree, bob.
Beth: Oh, my god, I -- I almost --
Alistair: Wait, wait, you seriously can't believe this demented dingbat. Me as your father? That's impossible.
Beth: Yeah. You're right, it's impossible.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, yes, it is possible. Him, me -- like bunnies in springtime, missy. Alistair -- Alistair is your father, Beth.
Beth: You slept with my whore of a mother?
Mrs. Wallace: Hey.
Alistair: There is not enough brandy in the entire universe for me to sleep --
Beth: No, wait, I get it, I get it. I know what you're trying to do, and it's not going to work.
Mrs. Wallace: No, Bethie, I'm looking out for you.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh --
Beth: Damn you. You know, you can't bear for me to spend one night with a man who's attracted to me. You've got to ruin any chance I have to be with a man, even an old, old man.
Alistair: Whoa, whoa.
Beth: No, listen, you storm in here with these crazy accusations. You're jealous. Get out. Just get out!
Mrs. Wallace: No, Beth, Beth, stop it. You have got to believe me. That fiend, as good-looking as he is, is your father, and I can prove it.
Luis: I don't know what to say to you. You know that I love you. I say it to you all day long.
Sheridan: You know what? Words, not deeds. If you love me, then believe me and help me get Marty back.
Luis: This is absurd. Why are we arguing like this?
Sheridan: Because you can't love me and think that I'm crazy at the same time. That's not love. That is pity. You love me like I'm a troubled child or the eccentric relative that has crazy ideas. You're constantly watching what you say around me. True love is two people that can communicate to each other, that trust each other.
Luis: I don't think that you're crazy, ok? It's just you can't --
Sheridan: Just what? That you have no evidence to back my beliefs? That you can't take this to court? My god, Luis, a relationship is not fodder for "Law & Order," all right? Just be on my side.
Luis: I am!
Sheridan: No, you're not! You never have been. You've never believed a word that I have to say. I might as well be a suspect that you've arrested!
Luis: All right, let's not fly off the handle.
Sheridan: You know what? Enough! That's it. Just get out, Luis. If you can't be on my side, then get out!
Luis: Oh, good god. You're breaking up with me now?
Ivy: How you even have the gall to stand in the same room with my son is beyond me.
Ethan: Mother, don't you think you're overreacting just a bit?
Ivy: That girl belongs in prison or the grave.
Rebecca: Ah, bravo, Ivy. That's the kind of spirit we need around here.
Ethan: Gwen, kindly put a muzzle on your mother, please.
Rebecca: What? Really, I --
Gwen: Ok, what are you going to do?
Ethan: What am I going to do? I'm going to talk to her one more time.
Gwen: Honey, that is a waste of time. She is never going to drop the charges against me. I think we should go home right now and start putting together a case to take Jane away from her.
Rebecca: Oh, good. And you know what? I just happen to have Judge Reilly's bedside number.
Ethan: Rebecca, Rebecca, cut it out. Look, I'm not going to try to take Jane away from her until I know, until I'm convinced that she's going to go through with her little sick plan. Frankly, and quite honestly, everyone, that's the only way I think I'm going to be able to convince myself to go through with this. But if she is that malicious, she doesn't deserve to raise my daughter.
Rebecca: You know, are all men really that naive?
Gwen: He wouldn't take such great pains if he wasn't still tied to her.
Theresa: So we're alone.
Theresa: You know, we always understand each other when we're one-on-one. And I've got a lot to say to you.
Ethan: And I to you. Let me start. My mother is right. You wrecked my life and you wrecked my mother's life when you sent that file to the tabloids, Theresa. You did. So you'd better listen up, and listen good. Because if you don't, I will ruin your life. You hear me?
Mrs. Wallace: Alistair Crane is your father. I can prove it.
Beth: What kind of proof? It isn't gross, is it?
Mrs. Wallace: Gross? No, no, honey, see, my proof is I can tell you the story of that night, every crackling, passionate moment. A man, a woman, a spark, and -- paw -- fireworks.
Alistair: Oh, Edna. Good god, you are completely nuts. I have never slept with you. And, of course, why would I?
Mrs. Wallace: Well, first of all, Al, we didn't do much sleeping that night. And back in the day, I was considered hot stuff, Al. Even you thought so.
Alistair: Never happened. The woman's delusional.
Beth: Of course she is.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, you two wish I was nuts. But I remember every scrumptious moment of that night. Boy, you kids today. You think you know about passion. But back in the 1970s, we had something wild, we had something dangerous. We had something that would set your libido going faster than the beat, beat, beat of the jungle drums. We had disco!
Singer: We can make it shine we can take forever just a minute at a time
Singer: Do it to me again and again you put me in such an awful spin, in a spin yeah, oh
Mrs.. Wallace: Oh. Don't you remember, Al? Don't you remember what we had? It was a night of passion unmatched in human history. The Bee Gees' version of "Tristan" Ais "Isolde"! Boy, I can't even see shag carpeting without having a shiver going up and down my spine.
Beth: Alistair, is it true?
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, of course it's true. Would you wake up? Bethie, how else could they prove that you were Marty's mother, huh? Dottie only looked at your D.N.A. results. How else could she figure out that you were Marty's mother -- unless you have Crane blood. Hmm?
Sheridan: Get out, Luis, now.
Luis: Kicking me out for good?
Sheridan: No. This is our home. But I can't even look at you right now. I just need time to myself to think.
Luis: Darling --
Sheridan: Don't even call me "darling," because you've hurt me, Luis, badly. Please just go, all right? If you can't have the decency to trust me, then just give me my space. At least give me that.
Luis: All right. I'll go out for a walk.
Luis: Sheridan? Sheridan, are you all right?
Sheridan: I'm fine! I'm just fine! Please go!
Sheridan: Why won't he ever believe me? You want proof? Fine, I'll give him proof. How? I don't know how, I know those D.N.A. tests are wrong. Somehow I've got to prove to Luis I am Marty's mother.
Theresa: Look, Ethan, I didn't send that file, ok? I didn't. And don't tell me that it ruined your life, because good things came out of that. You found out that Sam was your father.
Ethan: Yes, and I am glad that Sam Bennett is my father. God knows I never felt like a Crane, Theresa. But, you know, my mother's life was wrecked.
Theresa: She was living a lie for years.
Ethan: Don't justify what you did!
Theresa: I'm not justifying. I didn't do it, Ethan. You even said yourself that you were relieved that you weren't Alistair's heir.
Ethan: Yeah, maybe, maybe. But you know what, as a Crane, I would've been able to make a difference. With that power, I could've done a little bit of good, maybe undo Alistair's evil empire. I don't know, it was a dream of mine. Those dreams are dead now.
Theresa: We can make new dreams. Ethan, we have a child together, and we can build a family.
Ethan: Theresa, forget it. Just forget it. Forget the fantasies, forget those ideas. You know why? Because you need to start thinking about being a parent, think about your children. Because if you don't drop these charges against Gwen, I'm going to march you right into court, I'm going to sue you, and I'm going to sue you for custody of Jane. That's what I'm going to do. And when Gwen and I have her, I'm going to take her so far away that you are never going to be a part of her life again!
Ivy: Why does Ethan even bother talking to that wretched girl? She's the one who ruined his life. She sent that computer file to the tabloids.
Rebecca: You know, it's amazing the problems that one little email can cause.
Ivy: Ethan was kicked out of the Crane family, Julian tossed me out on my behind. The only good thing that came out of it was a chance to be with Sam, but that -- that's gone forever. I don't even have a place to sleep tonight.
Rebecca: Oh, Ivy, you poor thing. Well, you know, I have lots of guest rooms. Why don't you stay in my mansion?
Ivy: That's kind of you, Rebecca.
Rebecca: Well, honey, what are friends for? Besides, Julian already has his mistress sleeping in, so I don't see a problem with an ex-wife.
Ivy: Then thank you. Although it's going to be a little hard being surrounded by all those memories.
Gwen: Well, look at you being so generous.
Rebecca: Think about it, honey. I mean, who better to get Ethan moving than his own manipulative mother?
Ivy: You know, I was queen of the Crane clan.
Rebecca: Aw. But that was so long ago, dear.
Ivy: Yeah. And Ethan would've been king. He would have been emperor of the entire empire. He would've had everything. And then a snake appeared in the garden -- a lying, immoral, poisonous snake. Theresa ruined Ethan's life, and I will be damned if I let her do it again.
Rebecca: Ooh. You go, girl.
Ivy: You little snake in the grass. I am not going to let you hurt my son again.
Luis: Hey, Sam.
Luis: What the hell are you doing here?
Sam: Just came out to clear my head.
Luis: Yeah? What's up?
Sam: Well, you might as well know. I -- I asked Ivy to move out of the house.
Luis: Wow. I'm sorry.
Sam: I think it's best for everyone. What are you doing out here?
Luis: Well, it's funny you should ask. Sheridan actually kicked me out of the house.
Sam: You're kidding.
Luis: Well, she says I'm a cold, insensitive clod.
Sam: I think we all were one at one time or another.
Luis: Yeah. She's not making any damn sense. She insisted Beth have this D.N.A. test. You know, the damn thing proved that Beth is Marty's mother, and Sheridan refuses to accept it. I'm not going to lie to Sheridan and tell her that I believe her when I don't.
Sam: Yeah, I don't think lying's good, but Sheridan's got a point.
Sam: She just wants you to be supportive. I mean, you are supposed to be her greatest defender.
Luis: I am, ok, but she's dead wrong and the facts totally contradict her.
Sam: Hey, hey, listen, forget the facts for a moment because that's what got you thrown out of the house.
Luis: How am I supposed to forget the facts, Sam, ok? I'm a detective. You take away the facts, all you have are feelings and emotions, that's it.
Sam: Well, maybe Sheridan's feelings are telling her that Marty's her son. Let me tell you something -- when I found out that Ethan was my son, it blew me away. I had no idea. Maybe a woman can sense when a child is hers, even when the evidence is against it.
Beth: You're my daddy?
Mrs. Wallace: As sure as god made little green apples.
Beth: All these years, I've been so ashamed. All the other little girls, they knew who their daddies were, but I didn't. I had to pretend that your stupid husband was my father. Now I know. It's you. Alistair Crane. Oh, my god.
Mrs. Wallace: Bethie -- Bethie, honey, look, I know this is an emotional moment for you, but, honey, listen, I'm ok, you're ok, and he's -- he's --
Beth: A zillionaire. And I've been schlepping coffee at the book cafe, apologizing to soccer moms because they didn't have enough foam on their stupid cappuccinos? Paying rent on that dump to you, my own father? All because you were too stupid to figure out that you got pregnant by the richest guy on the planet?
Mrs. Wallace: Well, I'm sorry. I just didn't figure it out until dinnertime.
Mrs. Wallace: Yeah.
Beth: You still let me go out. I almost slept with my own father. When were you going to tell me?
Mrs. Wallace: Well, I was trying to find the right moment -- and I tried. I called you, but you hung up on me!
Beth: Oh, god!
Mrs. Wallace: Come on, come on, will you just cool your jets here? Come on, don't you get it? You said it. You said it. He's a gazillionaire! Yeah, you know?
Beth: My god. I'm a Crane. A Crane.
Mrs. Wallace: Bingo!
Beth: This is what those magazines call life-altering moments. I'm a Crane! My life is going to be so different. I mean, it's going to be nothing but designer gowns and diamonds! And you know what the best part will be?
Mrs. Wallace: What?
Beth: About being a Crane?
Mrs. Wallace: What?
Beth: Once the world knows that I'm a Crane, my whole life is going to be so perfect!
Alistair: No. That can never happen.
Alistair: Don't call me that. The world can never find out that you're a Crane. Never.
Beth: Why can't I tell anyone I'm a Crane? Are you ashamed of me? I'm not good enough for you?
Mrs. Wallace: Yeah, isn't we classy enough to be Cranes?
Beth: No, you can't stop me. I'm going to tell the world that I'm a Crane. I will not be swept under the carpet like dirt.
Mrs. Wallace: Yeah, me, neither!
Alistair: Will you both calm down? It's got nothing to do with your obvious lack of class. It's got to do with your nemesis, Sheridan.
Beth: Sheridan? What about her?
Alistair: If Sheridan finds out that you are her half sister, she'll know why the D.N.A. test proved that you were Marty's mother -- because both you and Marty have Crane blood.
Beth: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. If Sheridan finds out I'm a Crane, I'm going to lose everything -- Marty and my chance to have Luis.
Sheridan: None of these websites make any sense. I mean, if they're correct, then the D.N.A. test that Dottie ran should be right. Beth should be Marty's mother. Unless -- no, no, that can't be. That's impossible. Unless -- no, come on, Sheridan, you're grasping at straws here. Could it be? I mean, according to these websites, the only way the D.N.A. test could show that Beth is Marty's mother is if Beth is -- my sister.
Ivy: I want you out of my son's life, you malicious little harpy.
Ethan: Mother, stop. Calm down, all right?
Ivy: I don't want to calm down, Ethan. Look at what she has done to you, to me. Everything that is wrong in your life is Theresa's fault. You can lay it all on her doorstep.
Theresa: No, Jane is not Ethan's daughter, your grandchild, is not wrong.
Ivy: Ethan would've had children with Gwen if it weren't for you. He'd be at the helm of Crane Industries if you hadn't sent that file to the press. And he would still be heir to the Crane fortune if it weren't for you!
Theresa: I didn't send that file, Ivy.
Ivy: If you didn't send it, then who did?
On the Next Passions:
Fox: I'm not giving up on getting my son back. One way or another, I will get him back.
Ethan: If you don't drop the charges against Gwen, I will take you to court, I will sue for custody of Jane.
Luis: Beth is Marty's mother, Sheridan.
Sheridan: No, no, no, it only seems that way. Beth is my sister.
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