Passions Transcript Tuesday 12/28/04 [an error occurred while processing this directive]

Passions Transcript Monday 12/27/04--Canada; Tuesday 12/28/04--U.S.
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by Amanda

Tabitha: Ooh, goblins, toenails, it's bright in here.

Oh. Why can't snow be black, endora? Much more restful, and of course, mommy's favorite color. Oh. Oh, there. Oh, that's a lot better. Oh, endora, will you please make mommy a nice cup of coffee, huh? Huh?

[Tabitha chuckles]

Tabitha: Thank you, my clever little witchlet. And now we'll have a nice hot bowl of oatmeal on this cold winter day, huh? Sheridan and luis' wedding day. But firs, let's tune in to harmony's news and world report. Oh, look, endora! There's daddy. And he looks so happy. Oh, well, don't worry -- it won't last, not if our assassin-in-training rebecca has anything to do with it, huh?

Julian: Here you are.

Eve: Thank you, julian. Lord knows I need this. I feel like I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

Julian: Well, my god. It's not surprising considering the divorce. I mean, it's -- ending a marriage is difficult no matter how long or short. And it's something I'm going to have to face very soon.

Rebecca: Oh -- I'm sorry. I didn't know that the two of you were in here. Listen, don't mind me. I'll just go get some coffee in the kitchen.

Julian: Rebecca? Don't go. There's something we must discuss. It's important.

Simone: Dad and aunt liz missed this one. Unbelievable how different this christmas was from last year. Then we were a family. Mom and dad were happy, whitney was in love with chad. And now, whitney's living with fox and having his baby, mom and dad are divorced. Nothing ever stays the same.

Liz: Simone, I don't mean to eavesdrop.

Liz: Honey, I know everything's different and I think that you must be feeling pretty lonely right now, but it'll pass. Simone, I'd never try to take your mother's place, but I want you to know that I'm here for you and whitney and for your father if you need me. And if you'll let me, I'll be glad to help.

Simone: That's good to know. Thank you, aunt liz.

Woman's voice: You have reached the harmony hospital D.N.A. Lab. Sorry --

theresa: Why aren't they open yet, huh? It's after 9:00. That's what it is. It's the stupid snow! Well, I need these results! I need them back so I can prove that my baby is really my baby with ethan. Sweetheart, you got to be patient, ok, because this was the last christmas that we'll spend apart, because once I get those results back, they are going to prove that you have a brand-new baby sister, and ethan's going to come back to me, and the four of us are going to be one big, happy family.

Woman's voice: You have reached the harmony hospital D.N.A. Lab. Sorry we're closed --

gwen: Damn it!

Ethan: Honey, what is it?

Gwen: Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry I woke you up. I have called the lab 10 times already. Why aren't they open yet? I'm sorry. I need to calm down. I just -- I haven't slept at all.

Ethan: Yeah, I barely did, too.

Gwen: Honey, I need to get those D.N.A. Test results. If I don't get them soon, I'm going to go crazy. I have got to be with my little girl. I have to be with her!

Ethan: Shh -- come here. Stop. Shh, shh.

Gwen: Oh, god!

Sheridan: Hmm. Oh, no! Oh, god. Luis isn't supposed to be here. It's bad luck for him to see me before the wedding.

Oh. It's that damn fireplace. Every time we light it up, we can't keep our hands off each other. Hmm, bad boy. You were supposed to leave last night, but you didn'T. God, I love you. Today is just going to be the first day of so many happy times to come as mr. And mrs. Luis lopez-fitzgerald.

Beth: Oh, I can't wait till luis and sheridan find out that mrs. Wheeler is none other than sheridan's mother, katherine crane. The wedding will be off, and luis will be mine. Hmm.

Mrs. Wallace: You didn't make coffee. Precious, the only thing worse than a psycho is a lazy psycho!

[Precious shrieks]

Mrs. Wallace: Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Precious, please pipe down. The old girl here has got a bit of a hangover. That eggnog was a killer. Uh-oh. A wedding dress -- oh, what are you up to now?

Beth: I am making plans for my new life. What else? Today is the day that luis and sheridan will be torn apart forever.

Mrs. Wallace: Uh-huh. So why waste a perfectly good wedding, right? You know, he'll throw the love of his life out of the church and put her ring on your finger -- is that right, hmm?

Beth: Stranger things have happened. And maybe he won't marry me today, but soon, very soon.

Mrs. Wallace: Sorry, missy.

[Mrs. Wallace laughs]

Singer: I would hold the hand of the one who could lead me places and kiss the lips of the one who could sing so sweet would fly on the wings of the bird I knew could take me highest breathe in, breathe out you keep me alive you are the fire burning inside of me you are my passion for life

[Mrs. Wallace laughs]

Beth: Stop laughing at me. You're always making fun of me.

Mrs. Wallace: Then wake up and smell the coffee! Oh, I forgot -- you didn't make any. Hey, precious, make some of your joltin' java, por favor, huh? Hmm. You, missy -- you are living in cloud cuckoo land. You really think that luis is going to let a gorgeous, rich, sweet, loving -- did I say "rich"? Oh, yeah -- woman slip through with a whacked-out psycho loono bin cuckoo clock like you, huh?

Beth: You just watch me, mother.

Mrs. Wallace: Oh.

Beth: When I tell them that mrs. Wheeler is really the suppoedly dead katherine crane, all hell is going to break loose. She destroyed luis' family and he hates her. And you know sheridan -- she's such a sap. She'll fall right into her arms and be, like, "oh, welcome home, mother." Well, I'll tell you, luis will never forgive her. He will break it off, and then I'm going to step right into her place.

Mrs. Wallace: Bethie? Oh, yeah, you're delusional and I don't care what kindki of proof you think you have. Katherine crane has been dead for decades and everybody -- I mean, everybody -- knows it!

Beth: Everyone but me. She is alive and well, and I have got the proof. She has got a birthmark!

Mrs. Wallace: Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Sheridan: I should get up. Oh, I just love watching you sleep. Making love to you is magic.

Mmm.

Luis: Wow.

[Luis and sheridan laugh]

[Sheridan growls]

Luis: I've never been this happy. Nothing can spoil our happiness now.

Sheridan: Nope.

Luis: No. I can't wait to get married.

Sheridan: Hmm.

Sheridan: Luis, look.

Luis: Huh?

Sheridan: It's snowing. Oh, come on!

Luis: Oh. Oh.

Sheridan: Oh. So beautiful. A white wedding.

Luis: I love it when it snows.

Sheridan: Mm-hmm.

Luis: So quiet and peaceful.

Sheridan: Yeah.

Luis: Yeah.

Sheridan: Yeah.

Luis: Hmm.

Sheridan: Hmm.

Luis: Honey?

Sheridan: Oh, no! No, no, no.

Woman's voice: You have reached --

theresa: Damn! My god, aren't they ever going to open up?

Whew. All right, if that lab doesn't open up soon, I'm going crazy. Yes, crazy. Oh, just calm down, just calm down.

Pilar: Theresa?

Theresa: Yeah?

Pilar: Mija, calm down.

Theresa: Yeah.

Pilar: Listen, why don't you eat something?

Theresa: I'm not hungry. Mama, I'm not hungry. You know what? This has been a horrible christmas.

Pilar: Teresita, we got our house back.

Theresa: No, I know we got our house back, mama, and I am grateful for that. I am grateful to julian crane. I mean, he of all people gave us our home and I'm very grateful for that, mama, but you know what? I still don't have my son.

Pilar: I know. I know it's been hard. We lost antonio, and your sister paloma can barely stand her own family and, well, your father --

theresa: Yeah, he's been the biggest disappointment I've ever had.

Pilar: But, theresa, you know what?

Theresa: Huh?

Pilar: You have to have confidence in god's plan. You have to stay positive, think about the positive things, not the bad. I've been bitter myself this year and for g d reason. Last night, I prayed and -- I don't know. Somehow, today everything seems brighter. And your brother luithis going to get married today to sheridan.

Theresa: I know, mama. I know. And you know what? Today those results are going to come back and they are going to prove that that little girl is mine, not gwen'S.

Gwen: Oh! Why are they still closed?

Ethan: Ok, come on, come on. Listen, you're going to worry yourself into a nervous breakdown here and you've got to stop thinking about that baby just for a little bit. Now, look, you promised sheridan you'd help her with the wedding, right? Right? Why don't you go down to the cottage?

Gwen: I don' think I can do that.

Ethan: I think you can and you need to or you're going to go crazy, ok? Go help sheridan. I'll go help luis. I'll keep calling the hospital, and the minute they open, I'll let you know. I promise. Ok? Let's go.

Gwen: Ok.

Ethan: Come on.

Ethan: Please let that baby be gwen'S.

T.C.: Good morning, ladies.

Simone: Good morning, daddy.

Liz: Good morning, T.C. Well, it looks like we sure had quite a christmas.

T.C.: Well, you know what? I think this is the worst I've ever seen it.

Simone: But I love my new bracelet. I can't wait to show it off.

Liz: And I love my ella fitzgerald C.D.S. Oh, there's never going to be anyone like her.

T.C.: Well, I'm glad you like them.

Liz: I do, but we better get cracking. We've gowea wedding to go to and christmas to clean up.

Simone: Oh, it's not that bad.

C : You know, I'll help out, but first, simone, I -- I need to ask your aunt liz something.

Liz: Sure, T.C. What is it?

T.C.: Um -- you have been great, you know, helping us through allgh of this nightmar eve. And you've always been there for me, for whitney and simone. It's my p,easure.. You know how I feel about the three of you. You're famil f T.C.: Well, I -- -- the feeling is mutual.

Liz: That's great to hear,he T.C.

T.C.: Well, liz, there's something I need to ask you, something that is very important.

Liz: What is it?

Julian: We must talk, rebecca.

Eve: Uh -- you know, I'll go upstairs and get dressed, give you some privacy.

Rebecca: Oh, eve. Please don't leave on @@@

rebecca: Well, julian. What is it? You know, I don't have a lot of time. I have to get my nails done before the wedding.

Julian: This won't take long. Why don't you sit down?

Julian: We need to talk about our future or the lack of one.

Rebecca: Oh, julian, I --

julian: It's -- it's time for the divorce. And I want you out of this house.

[Playing theme music]

>> Narrator: Lester pearson was 18 years old when he served in world war I as a stretcher bearer and later a pilot. It changed his life.

>> Geoffrey pearson: His early experience gave him a mission in life, to find a way of preventing war or of stopping it once it started.

>> Narrator: Pearson was canada's foreign affairs minister in 1956 when the suez crisis threatened to explode into world war. He challenged the united nations to take action.

>> Lester pearson: Uniting for peace. And peace, mr. President, is far more than ceasing to fire.

>> Narrator: Pearson created the first U.N. Peace keeping force, and in november 1956, it diffused a potential global conflict in the suez. He was awarded the nobel peace prize, and six years later, lester pearson was elected canada's 14th prime minister.

[Playing theme music] @@@ @@@@@

[Playing theme music]

>> Dave thomas: Probably about 6th grade, 7th grade, somewhere in there, I realised that I was funny, that I could make people laugh. When I got into second city on stage, that was like, I didn't have any other dream beyond that.

>> Dave thomas: I took a huge pay cut from what I was making in advertising, to starting on stage. I was making 145 bucks a week.

>> Dave thomas: But it was so much fun. The mackenzie brothers started @@@@ the U.S. Version, and the cbc made a special request that that programming be distinctively canadian.

>> Dave thomas: Koo-roo-koo- koo-koo-koo-koo-koo

>> Rick moranis: Leave it up, leave it up -- and again.

>> Dave thomas: So we thought, so what do you want us to do, put up a map of canada and put on parkas and toques and drink beer and cook back bacon, and the producer came and he said, "yeah, that would be fin in in in in in inin in in inin in in inin in in in car, like you just wear them on your feet, eh?

>> Dave thomas: You know, and it them became a hit. And it shows you that no matter how hard you try to craft hits, you never really know where it's going to come from, you know u know know know knowknow know know know know know know know know know know @@@@@@@@@ closed caption g provided by: Broadcast captioning & consulting services inc. Www.Closedcaptioning.Com

singer: You are my passion for life

tabitha: Oh, you make a hell of a good cup of ccup of cu ofcu of cu of cu of cu of cu ofcu of cu of cu of cu of cu ofcu cu cu cucu cu cu cucu cu & but you haven't drunk very much of your bat's milk. Drink up. You have to get strong, healthy bones. And mommy goes nearly half-blind milking those little bats. There's a good girl. Oh, we have to keep an eye on the mortals. Oh. They make such a mess of their lives, poor fools.

[Tabitha chuckles]

Ta ta ta tata ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta @@@ let's hope you've inherited more of my genes than his, huh? A&lr g t, now, lis f you don't contest this, I will be more than generous in the divorce settlement.Me r b a]I all right.

Julian: "All right"? Did you say "all right"?Ight"? Ht ht ht ht ht htht ht ht htht ht ht htht ht ht htht @@ on to somebody who doesn't want me.. @@@ To stand in your way.

Julian: But I don't get this. Are you sure you're not going to try to do something maybe to change my mind?

Rebecca: No. No, julian, I am giving you your freedom.

Julian: Well, if you're sincere about this, I'm forever in your debt.

Rebecca: Okie, of course I am. Aw. I just want you to be happy.

Julian: Well, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, rebecca.

Rebecca: Hmm. @@@@@@@ Did you really think I'd let go of you or your luscious bank account that easily? No, my dear, you are about to find out what your little becky wecky is made of.

Luis: What are you doing?

Sheridan: I told you a zillion times, it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride before she walks down the aisle. Now, you were supposed to leave last night, but no. You just had to seduce me and fall asleep in front of the fireplace.

Luis: Well, I had a little help. Ok, and so now, what am I supposed to do?

Sheridan: Well, what you're supposed to do now is you're going to get up and you're going to go to your mother's house and you're going to get ready. And no peeking -- I mean it.

Luis: Well, all I'm wearing is my underwear!

Sheridan: You're a tough guy. I'll throw your clothes out in a second.

Luis: Whoa, whoa, sheridan, come on, now, have mercy.

Sheridan: Keep your eyes, shut, ok? Keep them shut.

Luis: Ok, ok.

Sheridan: Ok. There you go, all right? Now, go out.

Luis: You're crazy! Sheridan, my shoes! My feet will freeze! Oh, my god!

Sheridan: There. Now go to the car and get dressed. What kind of idiot runs around in the snow with no clothes on?

Luis: Oh, ok.

Sheridan: Nice scarf, by the way.

Luis: I'll tell you something -- this isn't over by a long shot.

Sheridan: Aha!

Luis: Thank you, god. I'm marrying sheridan crane today and nothing can stop me.

Sheridan: Hmm. Race you to the altar, my love.

[Doorbell rings]

Sheridan: And I am so sorry, gwen.

Gwen: Oh! Sweetheart, congratulations.

Sheridan: Oh!

Gwen: God, today's such a big day.

Sheridan: Thank you. I know -- it's the biggest day of my life.

Gwen: Why is luis running around half-naked in the snow?

Sheridan: Oh, you do not even want to know. I just -- I can't believe it. I mean, I have never been happier in my life.

Gwen: Well, I know how you feel. I mean, you are going to marry the man of your dreams and --

sheridan: Mm-hmm.

Gwen: You're going to be able to start a family.

Sheridan: Oh, my god, that reminds me. I -- I'm so sorry, I forgot. What -- what's happened with the D.N.A. Test?

Gwen: I don't know because the lab guys can't get in because of the snow.

Sheridan: Oh.

Gwen: Ethan's going to call me as soon as they do. Just --

sheridan: I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you.

Gwen: Thank you. It's just -- it's got to be good news, you know? If this -- if this baby turns out to be theresa's, that will mean she will have stolen another child from me and I just cannot believe in my heart that god would be so cruel. This was my last chance to have a biological child.

Sheridan: I'm so sorry.

Gwen: But, look, I do not want to be a killjoy on the happiest day of your life.

Sheridan: I don't see it that way. I see it as this is the start of many happy days to come. You know what? I want to show you something, @@ look!

[Gwen chuckles]

Sheridan: It's a surprise for luis.

Gwen: Well, that is adorable. A little small for him, though, don't you think?

Sheridan: It's for marty.

Gwen: Of course.

Sheridan: I was hoping that he could be the ring bearer, you know? Luis doesn't know. And once I shower, I'm going to take it over to beth'S. You know, I really hope she likes it.

Gwen: Well, that is a very sweet idea. But I just wish beth was not coming to the wedding. I do not trust that girl.

Sheridan: Oh, gwen. You still don't like her, do you?

Gwen: No! She's luis' ex-girlfriend. And, sheridan, she has a child with him. Are you sure she's not going to try and do anything to ruin your wedding?

Sheridan: I know, but you know what? She's been wonderful ever since we announced our engagement and, yes, it's a little unusual, but, you know, beth has really an, she's ek d%& dus with the wedding.

Gwen: It just sounds too good to be true, that's all.

Mrs. Wallace: Ok. Let me just get this straight, ok? You are going to stop the wedding by telling luis and sheridan that mrs. Wheeler is none other than katherine crane, who has been dead since disco?

Beth: Wow, you got it in one.

Mrs. Wallace: Oh.

Beth: Oh, I can't wait to see the looks on their faces.

Mrs. Wallace: Bethie. Knows that katherine crane is dead! Ok. Ok, ok, ok. Yeah, all right. Let's just ignore the fact that you are as loco as a squirrel in heat and let's just imagine that you're right, ok? Katherine crane is alive, she's living in the bennett's b&b with marty fitzgerald, so you tell your story to sheridan. Then what, huh? She rushes to her mama's knee and wants to find out why she left, why everybody thinks she's dead, right?

Beth: Yeah. She's been babbling about her connection to mrs. Wheeler ever since she got back from mexico. She would trample over people to get to her side.

Mrs. Wallace: Ok. So, what do you think luis is going to say?

Beth: Oh, listen, he would be furious, ok? He hates mrs. Wheeler. She's the one that stole his father from his mother and their family. And you know what? Sheridan would defend her completely, so luis and her will have a huge fight.

Mrs. Wallace: Ok! What about the messenger?

Beth: What?

Mrs. Wallace: Oh, is anybody home here? Luis is going to kill the messenger! God, you break them apart and he will neveill ne ill ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne l ne him to lose sheridan. Oh, bethie, he is going to hate you until the day you die. So excited about this - that I have to tell you now about the pre- grammy show I'm hosting in february. Here I am with an inside peek...

then jordan's investigation takes her to las vegas tonight - in this cross-over episode beginning with crossing jordan at 9, then las vegas at 10.

@ @@@

pilar: Ok.

[Doorbell rings]

Theresa: I'll get that. You look handsome, luis. Ethan.

Ethan: Hi.

Theresa: Oh, my god. It's the baby, isn't it? Or is it -- is it the lab?

Ethan: No, no, no, no --

theresa: Because they didn't call me back!

Ethan: Theresa, theresa, they still can't get in because of the snow. I'm sorry.

Theresa: Oh, no, it's ok. Come on, come in. It's cold.

Ethan: Yeah, I'm here because I'm this guy's best man. I got my suit in the car, I got a ring. And everything's set to go. I'm ready to roll.

Luis: Thanks. You know, I really appreciate this. I know you've got a lot going on right now.

Ethan: Oh, I'm happy to do it. Come on, I consider sheridan family even though we're no longer related and you guys make the perfect couple. Gwen thinks so, too.

Luis: Good. And I hope that -- that your, you know, problems work out.

Theresa: So do I.

Beth: Don't panic, don't panic. I can figure this out. Come on, think. Think. Ok -- I mean, I'll just -- I'll get sheridan alone and then I'll tell her.

Mrs. Wallace: Oh, well, she'll just tell luis, you know, that you were the one who spilled the beans. He'll still hate you.

Beth: Oh, no, no!

Mrs. Wallace: Mm-hmm.

Beth: This is not the way it was supposed to be!

Mrs. Wallace: Ugh!

Beth: What am I going to do?

[Doorbell rings]

Sheridan: Well, hi, precious. May we come in?

Gwen: Precious is wearing curlers.

Sheridan: Yeah, I -- I guess she wants to look nice for the wedding.

Gwen: What? She's invited? Well, I have to agree with ivy on this. That monkey gives me the willies.

Mrs. Wallace: Orangutan. We don't use the m word @

beth: Sheridan, gwen.

Gwen: Hi.

Mrs. Wallace: Well, aren't you going to invite them us just mad% a #kdo4.

Sheridan: No, thank you so much. I -- we can't stay. We have so much to do. But I did want to show you this. I was hoping that little marty could be the ring bearer, you know, as a surprise for luis.

Beth: Oh, that's such a sweet idea, but no. He's had a runny nose. I think he's coming down with a cold and I'm sorry. I cannot jeopardize little marty's health, even for an important event like, you know --

mrs. Wallace: Look who's here! He's right as rain. Now, you want to see your daddy marry sheridan, don't you, hmm? Right, kiddo?

Sam: Rebecca. To what do we owe the pleasure? Anything wrong?

Rebecca: Yes. Sam, everything is wrong. There is a crime spree going on here -- I mean, psychotic santas. Someone tried to poison my father-in-law and I think it's the same person who shot my poor pookie at the cannery. I mean, what is going on? Have you made any kind of headway in these cases?

Sam: We're working 24/7. You see these? Every cop in this county is pulling overtime on this case. Attempted murder is our top priority, even if the victim is alistair crane.

Rebecca: I'm sorry, sam. I'm sorry if I, well, was kind of harsh.

Sam: Well, that would be a first.

Rebecca: Well, have you found out what kind of poison was used on alistair's cigar?

Sam: Well, we did get the tox report, but I can't divulge any information. Just put it this way -- it's prett if someone gets a dosage of this stuff, they could die in 15 seconds.

[Pager beeps]

Sam: Oh, I got to take this.

Officer: Can I help you, ma'am?

Rebecca: Well. Aren't you sweet? No, chief bennett was helping me, lieutenant.

Officer: I'm just a patrolman, ma'am.

Rebecca: Oh. Not for long, I'm sure.

[Rebecca giggles]

Rebecca: Hmm. "Flataxis." Such a cute name for a poison. Hmm. Poor eve. Oh, it would be such a shame if someone were to use that on her.

Eve: I know I probably should've called before I came over, but I was afraid T.C. Would tell me not to come.

Julian: Oh, please. Certainly he won't mind you giving the girls chris mas presents.

Eve: I don't know.

Liz: What is it, T.C.? You look so nervous.

T.C.: Well, I thought it might be appropriate w h luis and sheridan's wedding and all, you know -- um --

liz: T.C., Whatever it is, just go ahead and ask me, please.

T.C.: Liz, you know I can't get down on one knee. But will you marry me?

Liz: Marry you?

T.C.: Yes. Nothing would make me happier.

Liz: Yes. Yes! A million times, yes, T.C.!

[T.C. Chuckles]

T.C.: Oh, thank you.

Simone: Oh, my god, that is amazing. Wait till I tell whitney. I guess we're going to have to call you mom now instead of aunt liz!

Eve: "Mom"? I'm your mom, simone, not this vicious backstabbing liar!

Simone: Mom?

Liz: Oh, eve, you really should knock. This isn't your home anymore.

T.C.: What the hell are you doing here, and how dare you bring hi to my house. You two have done enough damage.

Eve: Well, I don't want this witch anywhere around my girls, so get her ut of this house!

T.C.: I am not going to let you speak to my future wife that way. She's going to make a great stepmother and there's nothing you can say about it.

Eve: Oh, yes, there is. Do you think I'm just going to stand by and yield my place to this malignant, evil -- she's t going to be any kind of role model for the girls! If you had any --

T.C.: Like you were some role model?

Eve: Yes! At least I wasn't a home wrecker! You know, you can move my furniture around and you can change and move my christmas tree, but you cannot have my children! They are mine -- you understand that? -- And they always will be!

Liz: Eve, that's not your decision. Simone, sweetheart, if you want to call me mom, it is fine with me.

Eve: You bitch. You have stolen my house, you stole my husband, and now you even want to steal my children? God, I hate you.

Luis: Yeah.

[Phone rings]

Ethan: Oh, shoot. Sorry. Hello? It's the lab. Yeah. Yeah. No, I -- no, I understand. Ok, thanks. Bye.

Theresa: Tell me. Am I the baby's mother? Am I?

Sheridan: Oh, isn't he just the cutest thing you've ever seen? Yeah.

Gwen: So, what do you think?

[Mrs. Wallace chuckles]

Mrs. Wallace: I think he's going to be a heartbreaker, just like his mommy.

Gwen: Um -- beth, why do you have a wedding dress? .Send me the @@@ . You took thank my husband. A awawardrds!S! Cocomeme onon!! Thisis I iss a a b bigig dedealal..

[ [ Apapplplausese ] ]

Tabitha: Now, eat your oatmeal, sweetheart. It'll stick to your ribs. That's good. Good, good.

Tabitha: Oh! Oh, my clever little witchlet. Oh, oh, endora, look at this. Oh, I don't want you to miss a beat. Oh. Oh, look! What a wonderful end to the year. And partially thanks to you and me, there's pain and heartache all over harmony. And now that nasty norma's been locked up again, the world is our oyster.

Hmm.

[Tabitha giggles]

Rebecca: "Flataxis." "Fla-tax-is." Ah. There. Just the thing to add to eve's next cocktail. Hmm, she's going to love it for about 15 seconds.

Eve: It just sickens me that I have to call you my sister. You should've never been born because you're like some cancer, liz, some malignant, evil cancer that just brings pain and misery to everyone around you.

Liz: It must be genetic, eve, because we share that in common.

Eve: Oh, please. I am nothing like you, nothing, because you are sick and you're evil. And if there's any justice in the world, you'll just die. Just die, liz.

Liz: There. Do you see it now? She was never the sweet, loving wife and mother she pretended to be. This is the real eve, just as selfish as she always was.

Eve: Shut up, you nasty bitch, or I will kill you myself!

Julian: Shh.

Theresa: Am I the baby's mother, ethan? Am I?

Ethan: No, theresa, stop. The technician won't give me the results over the phone. We got to go there to get them.

Theresa: Ok, well, then, let's go because I know she's our baby.

Ethan: Ok, look, I got to call gwen. I got to call gwen and we got to get to the hospital. Luis -- I'm sorry, ok?

Luis: No, no, no, no, no problem. Uh -- right. If you can't make it on time, I'll just have sam stand in for you.

Ethan: All riaht. I'm -- oh, you need -- you need this.

Luis: Yeah.

Gwen: So, beth, what's with the wedding dress?

Beth: Um -- I'm just silly, you know? Every time I get invited to a wedding, I just get it out -- just daydreaming. Well, you know me -- always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Sheridan: Beth, it'll happen for you. Your perfect match is just waiting for you somewhere.

Mrs. Wallace: Yeah, probably on death row.

Sheridan: Yikes, you know what? I -- I got to get going. I'm going to be late for my own wedding.

[Phone rings]

Gwen: Oh, my goodness. Please be ethan. Please be ethan. Hello?

Ethan: Honey, hi, it's me. Listen, the lab called. Yeah, they called and the technician is there and he says that we can pick up the results of the D.N.A. Tests.

Gwen: Oh, thank god. I'll be right there. Ok. Ok, the lab is finally open. I'm going to go over there, but I'll be to the church as soon as I can, ok?

Shidan: Oh, please, don't even worry about me, ok? I'm just going to take marty over to the church and you meet me there.

Gwen: Ok. Wish me luck.

Sheridan: Oh, I'll be praying for you, sweetie.

Gwen: Thank you.

Mrs. Wallace: Good luck, honey!

Gwen: Thank you. Bye.

Mrs. Wallace: Well, imagine that -- two girls fighting over the same baby.

Beth: Hmm. Yeah, awful.

Sheridan: Well, can you believe it? I'm finally marrying luis. I'll see you all at the church.

Mrs. Wallace: All right, honey.

[Mrs. Wallace chuckles]

Mrs. Wallace: Bethie?

[Hums wedding march]

Beth: Ok, ok, I get it. I can't tell sheridan about her mother in person. She'll tell luis that I told her and then he'll hate me for ruining their wedding. There's got to be a way to get the information to her, but how?

Mrs. Wallace: Hey, precious? Do you think bethie's right, that mrs. Wheeler is really katherine crane? Oh, no. If she is, then, oh, that's going to tear luis and sheridan apart. And then beth wins and luis loses.

Theresa: The baby is mine. She's my daughter.

Gwen: She's my daughter. She has to be.

Eve: Damn my sister. She's going to pay for making my daughter hate me.

Luis: I'm going to marry sheridan and nothing is going to put a dark cloud over that, ok?

Beth: This wedding is never going to happen. I am going to end luis and sheridan's relationship forever.

Theresa: The results are in.

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