Passions Transcript Thursday 4/17/03
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, Sweetheart. I didn't mean to leave you alone for so long. My baby! Where is he? Where is my baby? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.What -- what is going on? Ohmymy gosh, what's happened to him? Can you hear me, sweetheart?
Theresa: Who's laughing? Who are you? What have you done with little ethan? Eresa: Where could little ethan be? Where am I? I was -- I was at sheridan's I smelled tabitha's potpourri. Heheard little ethan crying, I started toward him, I went through the door, and I found myself here in this horrible apartment in these horrible clothes! What is going on? Why is this happening?
Tv and now, america's favorite dysfunctional family, "the boozebournes," starring boozy "I ate a rat" boozebourne!
Boozy: This is not [Beep] Dr. Doolittle thing --
theresa: That looks like julian, sort of.
Boozy: [Beep] What is -- what is -- I work my [Beep] Off on tour, nging for the [Beep] Queen, dine with the [Beep] President, and I'm still stuck changing the [Beep] Garbage bags. Why [Beep] Me? Ooh! Ah! Karen! Karen! Come [Beep] Help me!
Hank: What are you doing?
Charlie: What does it look like? Killing blondie. Blondie has to die. Ugh!
Hank: Did you just say "blondie has to die"?
Charlie: Don't you touch me! I'll call the police.
Hank: I am the police -- sort of. I'm in the police academy.
Charlie: Huh. Just what the world needs -- another man with a badge.
Hank: You made someone feel a little uncomfortable earlier. They wanted me to check you out. What's your name?
Hank: Ok, charlie. Why is it that you're ruining two brand-new blondie dolls?
Charlie: I just figured out a way for us to escape after we kill sheridan, a way to conceal our identities.
Beth: I knew you could do it, charlie.
Charlie: Just look at this.
Mrs. Wallace: I'm going to tell luis everything I know!
Beth: Go ahead. But I swear to you it'll be the last thing that you ever do. Because if I don't get a chance to kill you, I'll just ask charlie to do it, and you know she will. Because she hates you almost as much as I do because you remind her of her own mother.
Mrs. Wallace: Where is that beanstalk charlie, anyhow?
Beth: Like I'm really going to do tell you. Go ahead. What's holding you back? Go tell luis whatever you want to tell M.M. Tell him everything.
Luis: What is it that -- what is it that you wanted to tell me, mrs. Wallace?
Mrs. Wallace: It's about her!
Luis: Hey, can you -- can you just give me a second? I'm having a hard time concentrating. Precious, um -- oh -- yeah. I'm flattered that you find me attractive, but --
beth: Hey -- now, you keep your mouth shut, or they'll be shutting the lid on your coffin.
Mrs. Wallace: I won't shut up. I am going to tell luis about your plot withouour new friend charlie to kill sheridan!
Sheridan theresa was right. It was just a bad dream. I couldn't be safer than I am right here in my own cottage with antonio in my bed, all those guards outside, and luis doing everything he can to make sure that no one hurts me. Those clowns were -- were just in my imagination. Yeah.
Antonio: Have you been up?
Sheridan: Yeah. I couldn't sleep after luis left, so I -- I just went into the living room to read. Tabitha lenox stopped by. She gave me the most wonderful potpourri that she made. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, though, after she left, because I had the most bizarre dream.
Sheridan: These two evil-looking clowns burst into the cottage. They started wrapping me in magician scarves. This disco ball just revolved calliope music. Then they started attacking me with syringes.
Antonio: Sounds horrible.
Sheridan: It was the worst nightmare I could possibly imagine.
Antonio: You know what, that's all it was, was a nightmare. Everything's going to be all right now.
Sheridan: Yeah. Everything's all right. I'm safe now.
Singer: I would hold the hand of the one who could lead me places and kiss the lips of the one who could sing so sweet and i would fly on the wings of the bird I knew could take me highest breathe in, breathe out you keep me alive you are the fire burning inside of me you are my passion for life
charlie: I -- I didn't mean to upset anybody. I was just, you know, blowing off some steam. For me, smashing these dolls is like, you know, playing a violent video game. It relieves the tension, you know?
Hank: Just as long as you know it's ok to kill dolls but it's not ok to kill people.
Charlie: So I hear.
Hank: Look, I think that maybe you should get some counseling to help manage your anger. Now, if it gets out of control, you could wind up in jail.
Charlie: You'd love to see another woman go to jail, wouldn't you?
Hank: Excuse me?
Charlie: Don't deny it. Men want women in prison so they can control them!
Hank: Is that what you think?
Charlie: I know what goes on in the slammer. Guards attacking helpless inmates -- that's the real crime.
Hank: Charlie, calm down. I want you to get counseling so you don't go to prison.
Charlie: You're right. Boy, I -- I need help. Yeah, I'll get it. Promise.
Hank: Good. Look, I got to go see a friend of mine. Here's my number. Give me a call anytime. In the meantime, I hope you find some relief for your stress.
Charlie: Thanks. Thanks for talking to me. It really helped.
Charlie: Find some relief for my stress. Oh, I will, mr. Blond policeman. Just as soon as sheridan is dead.
Luis: Precious, you know, I can't concen-- I can't concentrate on mrs. Wallace while you're touching me like that, ok? So, look, if could you stop it for now, I'd appredicate it. Ok, mrs. Wallace, what is it that you wanted to tell me?
Mrs. Wallace: It's beth. She is --
beth: She wants to tell you what she's been trying to tell you, that I want to kill sheridan.
Mrs. Wallace: Well, it's true. She is out to off your one true love.
Beth: Ok, precious -- precious, go take care of mother. Plsase? Thank you. Do you see how much worse she's getting? I think that the only answer is to put her in a state institution. At least they'd be able to handle her there. I just worry about all the drugs they'll have to use to do it. But the minute that mother tells one of her wild stories, you know, they're going to keep her groggy on medication. I -- I don't know -- it breaks my heart just to think about mother not being able to walk or talk or do anything. I mean, basically, she'll just be kept a vegetable for the rest of her life.
Theresa: I don't have time to -- to watch tv. I've got to find my baby!
Theresa: I've got to get out of here and find my baby! Oh! Oh!
Voice: If you want to find son, watch! Watch!
Singer: Wacky, that's how it goes the members of this crazy family all have 12 toes
theresa: Why am I bngng forced to watch this tv show instead of finding my son? Where could he be?
Boozy: Oh, bloody hell! I'm the [Beep] Duke of darkness, not the [Beep] Garbage man! Karen! Come [Beep] Help me! Ah! God --
boy: Dad, what the [Beep] Did you do?
Boozy: Stop [Beep] Ask [Beep] Questions. Just get me [Beep] Out of this thing!
Boy: All right.
Boozy: I don't feel well.
Boy: Oh, yes, brilliant. Right there! Yeah. More kicking! Oh, you got it.
Antonio: Why do you think you dreamed about clowns? Did one scare you at the circus when you were a kid or something?
Sheridan: No. No, nothing like that. You know, after theresa woke me up, I found little ethan's toy clown behind the couch cushion. I'm sure that when I leaned back on it, it made a noise, and that's probably what triggered my dream.
Antonio: Yeah, well, that makes sense. But you know what? You need to get some rest now, for yourself and for the baby.
Sheridan: Yeah, I feel much better now that I'm in my own bed.
Sheridan: Oh, my god. Tonight on global news at six. One year ago a young bride had her world turned upside down by a bomb dropped half a world away.Marley leger was thrust into the limelight, publicly grieving for her husband, killed by an american bomb while stationed in afghanistan. Dealing with the tragedy - one year
Theresa: I don't get it. I mean, what does this tv show have to do with finding my son?
Boy: Wait, wait, we've almost got it! Perfect.
Boozy: Oh! Ow!
Boozy: [Beep] --
Boozy: [Beep] You -- I take out the [Beep] Trash, not the other way around, you [Beep] --
Boy: Dad, you're home, not on tour. Stop trashing our [Beep] House!
Boozy: This [Beep] Thing -- it's the last time you ever do that to me!
Karen: Boozy -- boozy, what's wrong? The pet psychic lost her connection when you called me.
Boozy: It's the [Beep] Trash bin. It [Beep] Tried to kill me.
Karen: Oh, boozy -- boozy, calm down. I'll take care of it.
Boozy: What kind of a [Beep] Day is today going to be? Take -- take --
boy: Oh, [Beep], Dad.
Boozy: What -- what the [Beep] Is the [Beep] Dog bowl doing on the [Beep] Floor?
Boy: It's for the [Beep] Dog, you [Beep] Idiot.
Boozy: Don't you call me a -- a [Beep] Idiot, you [Beep] Little [Beep]!
Karen: Would you two shut the [Beep] Up? I can't concentrate!
Woman: All right, who the [Beep] Took my scotch? I can't write a [Beep] Hit song sober!
Boy: The [Beep] Booze is down there, shelly. And, P.S., You'll never write a hit song, drunk or sober.
Shelly: Oh, shut up, little ethan.
Boozy: What the [Beep] Did you say?
Karen: No one is ever supposed to utter those two
[Beep] Words in this house!
Theresa: Oh, that's little ethan grown into a teenager. But how did julian and rebecca and gwen become a foul-mouthed rock family, and what are they doing with my son?
Are you right ñ t t c q t I q
theresa: Could that boy in the gas mask really be little ethan?
Karen: Shelly, I'm going to wash your mouth out with [Beep] Spring water! Your brother's name is mack, not little ethan.
Boozy: Yeah --
karen: The day we took little hahan from that mother-[Beep] Theresa lopez fitzgerald is the day he became mack for [Beep] Ever.
Boozy: Yes. Never say little [Beep] Ethan again.
Shelly: You know what? Whatever. Whatever, you guys. You think I really care, anyway? I have to go practice for my next concert.
Little ethan: Oh, like that'll make you any less awful.
Shelly: Well, I'm also releasing my new hit single next week and doing the cover of "kung fu fighting" magazine.
Little ethan: Aah!
Shelly: Ah! Ah! You [Beep] Bastard!
[Little ethan laughs]
Karen: Coming, shelly.
Boozy: What about -- what about the [Beep] Garbage?
Karen: Don't worry, boozy. You and mack come help me with shelly.
Little ethan: What the [Beep] Is that?
Boozy: It's a [Beep] Stampede!
Karen: Oh, I'm sorry, shelly. You're on your own! Oh, oh!
Luis: Are you sure autut putting your mother in a state institution?
Beth: I don't have any money or insurance. What else can I do?
[Knock on door]
Beth: Hank, hey.
Hank: Hey. Saw the light on, and I knew luis was coming to see you, so I thought I'd stop in. Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Beth: No, no. Come on in.
Luis: Hi, hank.
Beth: You guys excuse me? I need to take mother in the kitchen and give her her medication.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, no -- no, no, I'm not due for any now! No --
beth: See what I have to deal with?
Mrs. Wallace: No, you se what i have to deal with? She's trying to keep me from talking!
Beth: Try not to get too excited, mother. It could be fatal.
Luis: Precious, would you stop that?
Hank: Luis, is there something you want to tell me?
Charlie: All you blonds are the same.
Charlie: Die, you blond bitches.
Sheridan's voice: They aren't paying attention to me. This could be my one chance to escape.
Sheridan: Help! Somebody help me!
Singer: You are my passion for life
sheridan: Help! Somebody help me!
Sheridan: I must have outrun them. Now to find my way home. Oh!
Sheridan: Let me go! Please, somebody help me! Get off me!
Theresa: My son grew up without me. How? This -- this doesn't make any sense. No. I have to go to him. I have to get him back.
Voice: Watch and wait.
Boozy: Karen, who left the [Beep] Door open?
Karen: Well, how the [Beep] Should I know? Oh, max! No, no! Not on the chair! Oh --
boozy: Hey. What is this --
karen: Oh! Oh!
Karen: Ah! Oh, no! Batman just went on the sofa!
Karen: Will all you cute but incontinent animals just get the [Beep] Out of here now?
Shelly: Ah! Ow, ow!
Boozy: Shelly, are -- are you all right?
Shelly: Oh, yeah, dad, I'm fine. I just -- I really love being trampled on.
Little ethan: Yeah, because you're a [Beep] Tramp.
Shelly: Ugh! Well, and you're a [Beep] Virgin.
Little ethan: [Beep] You.
Shelly: No, [Beep] You!
Boozy: Now, [Beep] All of you! Look at this [Beep] Room! It's like we're living in a [Beep] Zoo!
Shelly: Oh, don't [Beep] Lose it, dad, all right? We had the furniture [Beep] Stain-proofed. It's very easy to clean up. Watch.
Boozy: I can't believe it.
Shelly: Just watch.
Boozy: Oh, god. Oh, no! Not my [Beep] Pilate pants again! This is like a nightmare. It's a regular --
Boozy: Oh. What the bloody hell? What's the [Beep] Dog fo d doing on the [Beep] Floor?
Karen: Oh, where else are the animals supposed to eat?
Boozy: [Beep] Outside, that's [Beep] Where.
Karen: No [Beep] Way!
Theresa: Why am I being forced to watch these freaks?
Voice: Shut up and watch the [Beep] Program.
Theresa: Ok. Ok.
Karen: Did one of you kids invite one of your [Beep] Friends over here?
Boozy: Oh, more [Beep] Garbage.
Little ethan: We aren't expecting anybody.
Karen: Well, boozy, did you invite someone over?
Boozy: Me? Well, why would I? It's -- there's such a [Beep] Thing as a -- I can't even find the [Beep] Remote, and if I could te e the [Beep] --
Karen: What is daddy saying?
Boozy: Garbage out --
shelly: Don't [Beep] Ask me.
Boozy: And the trash.
Shelly: I haven't understood a [Beep] Word since the fifth grade!
Little ethan: You haven't been sober since the [Beep] Fifth grade!
Shelly: Oh, [Beep] You, all right?
Boozy: Where is that --
little ethan: No, shelly, [Beep] You!
Theresa: All of you shut the [Beep] Up!
Karen: Theresa. What the [Beep] Are you doing here?
Theresa: I have come to take back my son!
Theresa: What am I doing on tv and -- and using such awful language?
Theresa: Little ethan, I'm your real mother and I have come to take you away from this freak fest.
Boozy: What -- freak fest? What the [Beep] Is s t talking about? We're as normal as -- as apple
Karen: You're not taking mack anywhere with you, theresa. No, he's our [Beep] Son now.
Theresa: No, not anymore he is not.
Boozy: Theresa, you're pissed off about a [Beep] Dog, a [Beep] --
Karen: Yes, theresa, dear. Little ethan -- uh, mack -- isn't going anywhere with you. No, he's a boozebourne now and always will be.
Theresa: No, please. Little ethan, come with me. It's not too late for you to have a normal life.
Little ethan: Leave me alone! You aren't my [Beep] Mother.
Boozy: No. That's [Beep] Telling her, son.
Boozy: Oh, [Beep], Yeah.
Karen: Yes. Get lost, you little [Beep].
Karen: Yes, go on.
Boozy: Get on out.
Karen: Get the [Beep] Out of here!
Boozy: You don't belong here now, do you?
Karen: Get the [Beep] Out.
Little ethan: Get out of here.
Theresa: Little ethan!
Boozy: You don't belong here!
Shelly: Get lost!
Little ethan: Get the [Beep] Out!
Luis: Precious, shouldn't you be getting mrs. Wallace's room ready for bed?
Hank: I -- I don't know what to ask first.
Luis: Well, let me save you the trouble. That was precious. She's a trained orangutan hired by beth to take care of her mother, and, well, evidently, precious has taken a liking towards me.
Hank: I think that's putting it a little bit mildly, buddy. You know, it seems like that precious is out for some hot monkey love.
Luis: Yeah. Well, I'm spoken for. How about you? You're not dating anyone.
Hank: I'm sure there's a big ape in that simian's future, but it's not me.
Hank: Seriously, though, why didn't beth hire a human nurse?
Luis: She did. The thing is, is that mrs. Wallace seems to be losing her grasp on reality. Now, she freaked out the nurse who was working for her by telling her these crazy stories about beth.
Hank: Must've gotten uncomfortable.
Luis: Yeah, it did. Beth had to let the nurse go and -- I don't know -- evidently, precious is the best thing that she could aorord without money or health insurance. Beth says that if her mother gets any worse, then she's going to have to have her institutionalized.
Hank: Oh, poor mrs. Wallace.
Luis: Yeah, it's sad, all right. So what are you doing here? Did you get any new leads on who might be trying to kill sheridan?
Hank: Actually, no. I was down at the wharf where I saw you earlier --
Hank: And patty, the woman who runs the 24-hour shop, said this strange woman came in to buy a couple of blondie dolls. It really creeped her out, so I thought I'd do a little investigating.
Luis: Be a good officer-in-training, huh?
Ha: Yeah, well, I found the woman she described in another part of the wharf. She was smashing the blondie dolls with a brick. She said it helped relieve her stress. Talk about weird.
Luis: Yeah, well, wait till you become a full-fledged cop. Hank, you're not even going to believe the weird stuff you see.
Hank: You didn't see this woman, luis. She was freaky. Really freaky.
Charlie: Soon the real blond bitch will die. Very soon. I need to go see beth, talk some more about our plan to eliminate sheridan.
Beth: Stop threatening to tell luis that I'm going
k kill sheridan, or your next stop's going to be a state institution.
Mrs. Wallace: You're not going to put me in some place that's going to keep me drugged for the rest of my life, are you, now, sweetie? I mean, you wouldn't do that to your dear old mom, now, would you?
Beth: Oh, that's exactly what I'd do if you don't back off and shut your mouth, ok, because I have got a lot to worry about working with charlie to get rid of sheridan. I don't need to be bothered by you.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh. I cannot spend the rest of my life drugged out of my mind in some grisly atate dumping ground. I can'T. But what about sheridan? She's not going to have a life if I don't do something to stop beth. I know that heaven would want me to do the right thing. God's angels will protect me.
Beth: What are youumumbling about now?
Mrs. Wallace: Do what you want to me! I am going to stop you from killing sheridan and her unborn baby! I won't let you commit murder! I won't, I won't, I won't!
Beth: You'd better keep your meddling mouth shut, or I will kill you right here on the spot. Ok, I will gut you like a fish, a barracuda, and then I'll just tell luis that you went nuts anyoyou filleted yourself.
Mrs. Wallace: He'll never believe you.
Beth: Well, believe this, old woman -- you are going to die tonight if you don't shut up about sheridan!
Hank: Poor beth. What a strain it must be to take care of her mother with no insurance, always having to worry about money. You know, a lot of people in beth's position would've snapped by now.
Luis: Not beth. That's one of the things I've always admired about her.
Hank: It's hard to imagine anyone doing for beth's mother what she's done.
Luis: Well, mrs. Wallace's well-being is beth's number one priority. She must love her more than we can imagine.
Beth: So, what's it going to be, you diapered old crone? Are you going to keep quiet or do I have to have you put away?
Mrs. Wallace: All right. All right, bethy, you win. You win. I will never threaten to tell luis any of your secrets again. Besides, even if I don't say anything to luis, there's plenty going on here to give you away!
Beth: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Mrs. Wallace: Well, for starters, that charlie horse woman, you know -- she wants to keep you as her special friend. And when she finds out that you are in love with luis, oh, she's going to flip out. And maybe -- maybe, bethy -- she's going to kill you right after she kills luis.
Beth: Uh-uh. No, mother, you're being melodramatic because charlie's never going to know luis because she's never going to meet him.
Mrs. Wallace: Ohyeyeah.
Right. I forgot. Everything you plan works like clockwork, doesn't it? That's why you're married to luis. That's why your million-dollar idea for a coffeehouse landed us in xanadu!
Beth: Ok! Well, all I'm saying is that I just have to make sure that charlie is never here in the house the same time luis is here.
Charlie: All you blond bimbos are alike -- stupid, stupid, stupid -- letting men rule your lives. You should be more like me and beth. We'd never let a man make a fool out of us. You want to see what I do to stupid blond people like you?
Theresa: Please --
boozy: You've got to get out of here.
Theresa: Little ethan, I'm your mother!
Boozy: You're not welcome here.
Theresa: I love you. I can't lose you. Please, come with me!
Boozy: Get her out of this
Karen: Come on --
theresa: Ethan, please!
Boozy: Get her out of this
Theresa: No, no --
boozy: Get her out!
Karen: Get her out!
Boozy: You're not welcome here, now, are you?
Theresa: No, no!
Boozy: Get the [Beep] Out of here!
Boozy: Get her out of this house! Oh.
Boozy: She's gone right now, isn't she? All [Beep] --
Karen: Oh, boozy.
Boozy: What the [Beep]? What -- you [Beep] Little rug rat! I'll teach you to make fun of me! You --
Boozy: Where'd you go, you [Beep] Dog?
Karen: Boozy --
boozy: [Beep] Beast.
Karen: No, no, no --
boozy: Where is that dog?
Shelly: Dad, stop it! Dad!
Boozy: Get that dog!
Shelly: What are you doing?
Karen: Oh, no!
Boozy: Get --
shelly: Dad, stop it!
Boozy: Don't -- it's like a zoo!
[Tv turns off]
Theresa: Does this mean I'll never be with little ethan again? No! No, it can't be. I've got to find him. How? Oh, god. Whoa. It was just a dream. I'm safe here at sheridan's cottage. And my baby is here with me. Oh, little ethan. Little ethan! My baby! He's gone! Where is my baby?
Sheridan: Oh, good. Nothing's broken.
Sheridan: Why are you doing this to me? What do you want? Please don't let me die. Please just let me go! What are you doing? No! Stop, please! Somebody help me!
Somebody! Help! Please, somebody help me!
Theresa: Oh, where is my baby? I can't find him!
Luis: If anyone tries to hurt sheridan again, I'm going to hunt them down and make them pay for the rest of their life.
Sheridan: I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something horrible is going to happen in harmony very soon.
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