Passions Transcript Friday 6/14/02
Tabitha: I'm still worried about my timmy. If nutso norma wasn't causing him to be in danger, then who the hell was?
Head: Ask the magic scroll. I have a headache.
Tabitha: You are a headache. And that damn scroll is so temperamental, I doubt that it'll show us anything at all.
Head: What have we here?
Tabitha: Please, please, tell me what's happening to my timmy and show me who from his past is threatening the lad.
Tabitha: Oh, look -- timmy and his dog are on the move. But who's that with them? It's julian crane! But he's dead!
Head: I guess a bloody jacket and tunafied signet ring does not a corpse make.
Tabitha: Oh -- oh, my! Julian crane alive? Can't anything kill off those damn cranes?
Head: Tabitha, focus. The scroll is trying to tell you something. If norma isn't the threat to timmy --
tabitha: Julian is.
Julian: What -- if you're planning to write your aunt tabby and tell her i'm still alive, forget it. Word would spread. Very soon, a murderous mob would be gunning for me, determined to finish what they started that fateful night at the cannery.
Timmy: Timmy said he'd keep julian's secret. Besides, he's too busy to blab.
Julian: Oh, yes, right -- your search for the demon's horn plant, the one missing ingredient you need to cast a spell to save grace bennett's niece, charity, whom you say is frozen in a block of ice.
Timmy: The problem is timmy can't find a lead on getting any.
Julian: Forget your silly spell. We must find food and lodging for this evening.
Timmy: That's it!
Julian: Please tell me you see a ritz-carlton.
Timmy: No, the symbol on that billboard matches the symbol the spell book has for demon's horn.
Timmy: Someone has the plant timmy needs, and now timmy can save charity.
Kay: God, please let me find zombie charity and miguel before she has sex with him and he dies. God, please, don't let him pay for my mistake. I never should have cast the spell that froze charity in ice and brought her succubus to life, but please -- God, please let me find him before she has killer sex with him.
Miguel: What's happening?
Zombie charity: Don't fight it, miguel. Just make love to me.
Miguel: Father lonigan -- he was praying for me.
Zombie charity: Father lonigan was praying for you not to lose your virginity. But you're going to lose it, miguel, and your life.
Zombie charity: Sorry. Slip of the tongue.
Zombie charity's voice: My spell keeps getting stronger. Soon all you'll know is that you're having sex so good, it's to die for. Oh, well -- easy come, easy go. But at least i get to enjoy you first.
Brian: I never imagined diana could be like this.
Sheridan: You know, I realized how much like nice things at the casino in bermuda. You understand that, brian. You even told me yourself how exciting it was when you used to live the high life.
Brian: Yeah, until I realized that there was more to being happy than money.
Sheridan: Well, maybe I will feel that way, too, someday. But for now, i can't think of anything else i want more. I mean, who knows why I have expensive tastes? I mean, maybe I was rich in my old life the way nick seems to remember. The bottom line is, whether I was rich or not, nick can offer me the kind of lifestyle i want now. That's why i'm leaving here. I am leaving with nick.
Liz: Oh, brian, i guess diana fooled me, too. I never imagined that she would leave with nick just to live the good life.
Brian: Diana could never be that shallow and heartless. There has to be some other reason. I know i couldn't have been that wrong about her -- wrong about us.
Sheridan: I hate that i've hurt brian.
Nick: You did what you had to do.
Sheridan: Yeah, well, that doesn't make it any easier. I mean, he was ready to risk his life to win big racing again just so that i could pay off the debt that I owe you. But I couldn't let him do that.
Nick: Because you love him.
Sheridan: Well, maybe someday, after i've paid off my debt to you, I can come back here and explain to him why i lied about leaving with you. Maybe he'll forgive me for breaking his heart.
Nick: You owe me a big chunk of change, diana. It might take you a long time to pay me back. By then, who knows? You may fall in love with me by then.
Sheridan: You know, I can't do it. I can't let him think that i'm leaving him. I have to go tell him the truth.
Theresa: Ah! Oh, no, no, no, please, don't be born yet. We got to get to the helicopter. We got to get to the helicopter. We got to get out of the country.
Ethan: Theresa? Theresa, what's wrong? Are you having a contraction? What?
Theresa: No, no, no. I'm not in labor. Just get me to the helicopter, ok? I'll be fine.
Gwen: Ethan -- ethan, you can't take theresa to another country if she's about to deliver this baby. With the preeclampsia, it could kill her and the child.
Theresa: I don't have preeclampsia, and I am not in labor! Now, leave ethan alone!
Gwen: Are you sure you're not in labor? Because if you are and you're about to deliver this baby, you are putting your life at risk and your child's.
Ethan: Theresa, tell me you wouldn't do that. Tell me you wouldn't put your life and the baby's life in danger by lying to me.
Singer: I would hold the hand of the one who could lead me places and kiss the lips of the one who could sing so sweet and i would fly on the wings of the bird i knew could take me highest breathe in, breathe out you keep me alive you are the fire burning inside of me you are my passion for life
julian: Well -- fine. The symbol on the billboard almost matches the symbol on the page you claim is from this book of spells. But -- what is that, anyway? The handbook for sorcery?
Timmy: Well -- yeah. Kay used the book of spells that timmy found this page from to freeze charity.
Julian: Yes, right, and I was the most popular man in harmony.
Timmy: Timmy doesn't care what julian thinks. He's on a mission to save the real charity.
Julian: I still say your quest is ludicrous. And why on earth would anyone put a demon's horn on a billboard?
Julian's voice: Unless it's an aphrodisiac.
Timmy: Timmy doesn't know because the rest of the sign is covered by that limb.
Julian: "The wizard -- see him at the over the rainbow hotel. He'll help you find what you need."
Timmy: The wizard will help timmy find demon's horn.
Julian: What is it about that advertisement? A wizard giving people what they need at the over the rainbow hotel. It couldn't be.
timmy: Toto doesn't know what julian means.
Julian: Toto. Or could it be?
kay: Drums are getting louder. Maybe I'm getting closer to finding zombie charity. Where would a succubus slut take a guy to have sex with him, anyway? Of course -- a graveyard. I hope miguel's not stiff yet -- in more ways than one.
Kay: Oh, no!
Theresa: No, I'm not having contractions. I stubbed my toe on that rock, and it really hurt. And it just -- it just took me a minute to collect myself.
Ethan: Well, can you walk now?
Theresa: Yes, yes. Let's just -- let's go to the helicopter, ok?
ethan: Hold on, it's the helicopter pilot. Yeah, what is it?
Pilot: I'm almost to the clearing. Where are you and mrs. Crane?
Ethan: Look, we're on our way. We got held up.
Pilot: Hurry. With this wind, the trees around the clearing are looking too close for comfort. I won't be able to keep the copter steady much longer.
Ethan: All right, we're on our way. All right, we have to hurry before the wind gets too strong for the pilot to land.
Theresa: Ok, let's go. Come on.
Ethan: Good-bye, gwen. Sorry it had to come to this.
Theresa: Oh, my God, ethan, the pilot said to hurry! Come on!
Gwen: Don't go! Please, don't do this. Don't throw your life away for her. Theresa is bad news. She always has been, and she always will be.
Theresa: Ti is running out! Let's go!
Gwen: Listen to me, ethan! Ethan, something horrible will happen to you if you go with her. I know it will.
Nick: Hold it, diana. Think before you act.
Sheridan: Please get out of my way.
Nick: Ok. But if you tell brian the truth, he's not going to let you leave with me. He'll insist on going back to racing cars to pay off your debt. And if, God forbid, that happens and he gets into another accident, brian could die this time. Is that what you want?
Sheridan: Of course not. But I can't let him think that i'm the monster I pretended to be.
Nick: Well, which is it? Do you want him to think poorly of you for a while or him to be dead because of you?
Sheridan: How did this happen? Brian and I used to be so happy together.
Nick: Oh, you'll be happy again, diana. I'll see to it personally. Finish packing. The longer we drag this out, the worse it'll be.
Brian: We've had such a past together, diana. We met on the titanic. We got married. We had four children. But I want you to wear this as a symbol of our future together in this life.
Brian: I want us to be together forever.
Sheridan: I want that, too. Brian, what have i done to us?
Gwen: Ethan, please don't leave with her -- not now, not after we found our way back to each other.
Theresa: Ethan, please, the helicopter! Come on!
Ethan: Gwen, we talked about this, all right?
Theresa: Oh, my God.
Ethan: Look, I have to get theresa to someplace safe, where she can't be executed. You know, everything that's happened -- it all started with me. All right? I owe this to theresa.
Theresa: Come on.
Gwen: She owes you, ethan.
ethan: It's the pilot again. Hey,e're on our way.
Pilot: Stay where you are. A tree blew down on the clearing that i had planned to land in. I'll have to find another spot to touch down. I'll call you when i find one.
Ethan: All right. We'll be waiting. But hurry. We need to get out of here fast.
Pilot: Tell me about it. The wind is picking up, and wind and copters don't mix.
Gwen: Are you still going?
Ethan: As soon as the pilot finds another place to set down the helicopter. We're going to be waiting a while. All right, listen, let's get inside and out of the storm.
Gwen: I'm on to you. You're still the manipulative bitch that you've always been. Thinking that ethan is going to run away with you and that he's going to forgive you for actually being a serial liar and then you guys are going to live happily ever after? Well, that's not going to happen. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure he doesn't leave here with you. You will not ruin his life again, theresa. I won't let you.
Kay: Get away from miguel!
Zombie charity: I'll be back. You're too late. I'm about to do the nasty with miguel. You can't stop me.
Kay: Good -- you haven't had sex with yet, so i still have time.
Zombie charity: Time? Time to do what, get in on the action? I don't think so.
Kay: No, to stop you from killing him.
Zombie charity: Oh, yeah? How?
Kay: With this. Stay away from miguel or get burned with holy water. Want proof pine-sol is a better bargain than lysol?
Tabitha: Of course. Goblins. The symbol on that billboard is demon's horn. That's the one ingredient that timmy needs so that he can cast a spell that will save charity. Is the boy that close to finding it?
Head: I'm wondering who this wizard is. Scroll, can we hear what timmy and julian are saying?
Tabitha: Oh, don't hold your breath.
Timmy: Timmy has to go to that hotel.
Julian: But how will you find it without directions?
Timmy: There has to be a way, if timmy looks hard enough.
head: Follow the yellow brick road!
Tabitha: I can see you've been catching up on a couple of hundred years' reading in your spare time.
Head: I love that story. I've been waiting to say that line. Follow the yellow brick road!
timmy: Why is toto barking?
Julian: What are you --
julian: I don't believe it. Why should i be surprised? I'm here -- wherever here is -- with a kid i swear is a doll come to life and a dog named toto. What else would one do but follow the yellow brick road to find the wizard?
Timmy: Timmy thinks this is the way to the hotel.
Julian: What have i to lose -- but the rest of my dignity?
Brian: What would make diana turn on a dime like that?
Z: You know, brian, it could be that she is starting to reconnect with her real personality. Yeah -- a brain injury caused her amnesia. Maybe it also caused a personality change.
Brian: You think so?
Liz: Look, doc always said that her amnesia could disappear at any point. Maybe this is her first step in recovering who she really is.
Brian: Well, I would hate to think that the real diana is the cold-hearted woman that i talked to just a little while ago.
Liz: I'm sorry, brian. And it's not that I think that she deliberately mislead us all this time, but the bottom line is she is not the woman we thought she was. I mean, why else would a woman leave with a creep like nick?
Nick: Is that any way to about a paying customer? Diana and I came to check out.
Theresa: You can't stop ethan from coming away with me, gwen. He loves me and not you. And do you know how I know that? Because if he ever really loved you, he never would have left you in the first place. That's right, gwen. Ethan followed his heart once, and he's doing it again. He's picking me over you.
Gwen: Theresa, guilt is driving him, not love.
Theresa: I don't know what he said to you, but the truth is, when it came down to making a choice, he chose to leave with me.
Gwen: Well, yeah, maybe that's what he said, but we'll see what he does in the end.
Ethan: Hey, come on, you two. Get inside, out of the storm, where it's warm. Come on.
Zombie charity: Holy water can't hurt me.
Kay: Oh. Really? Because I thought holy water was a weapon against evil from the dark side. And you're about as evil as they come. So stay away from miguel or get wet. Miguel, come on, get up. We got to get out of here.
Miguel: Kay? What are you doing here?
Zombie charity: She's jealous that you want me and not her.
Kay: Shut up or i'll shut you up. Miguel, we got to go. I'll explain everything later, ok?
Miguel: I -- i can't get up. I'm stuck to the ground.
Kay: Stuck? Oh, my God! You're being held down by a dead person's hands!
Kay: Never mind. I'll just splash them with holy water and that should get them to let you go.
kay: Let go of me!
Zombie charity: You can't stop me, kay. Miguel is mine.
Kay: Miguel, fight to get up, ok? She's trying to kill you!
Zombie charity: Kay can't help you, miguel. My friends won't let her.
Kay: What friends?
Zombie charity: Those friends, kay.
zombie charity: Oh, yeah, I've got you, kay. I got you dead to rights.
Brian: You're leaving?
Sheridan: And not a minute too soon.
Liz: Here's your bill.
Nick: Keep the change.
Liz: This is way too much money.
Nick: That's your tip. And here's another tip -- it's not nice to talk about people behind their back.
Liz: I call them like i see them. Take your money.
Nick: Suit yourself.
Brian: You see, nick? There are some people money just can't buy.
Nick: Maybe, brian. But there are other people that appreciate my generosity. Isn't that right, diana?
Nick: Why don't you wait outside for me, honey. Brian and I have some business to talk about. About the girl, brian -- I don't want to have any hard feelings between us, you know.
Brian: I don't give a damn what you want, nick. Why don't you get the hell out of my face.
Nick: For now, brian. But don't be surprised if our paths cross again real soon.
Sheridan: All's well that ends well, eh, liz? You know, I just wasn't right for this kind of life.
Liz: Well, then i guess you weren't right for brian, either.
Sheridan: Look on the bright side -- you got your wish. You and brian can be together now. I'm sure you'll make him very happy.
Liz: I certainly won't abandon him the way you did.
Sheridan: Opportunity knocked and I answered.
Liz: I will never forgive you for hurting brian like this -- never.
Sheridan: I'll never forgive myself, either.
Nick: Diana, the yacht's arrived. It's time to go.
Brian: Diana, wait. This isn't right. You don't really want to go with nick. You want to stay here with me. I know it.
Nick: Diana, it's time to go.
Brian: You love me, diana. I know you do.
Gwen: Ethan? Look, I know i sound like a broken record, but you're making such a huge mistake by leaving with theresa.
Theresa: You do sound like a broken record, gwen.
Gwen: I mean, look at everything that's happening right now -- the windstorm that's coming up and the helicopter pilot having a problem landing. You know, theresa always used to talk about fate and how it controls our lives. This looks like fate to me. It's like fate is conspiring to keep you here with me.
Theresa: She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Gwen: It is not too late to undo this, ethan. Like i said, we can go back to harmony. We can telthem that you were chasing after theresa, trying to persuade her not to leave. You don't have to go to jail for this.
Ethan: Gwen, I've made up my mind.
Gwen: Do you really want ethan to risk his life for you like this? He could go to prison if he gets caught, and do you know what happens to people like him in prison? The guards and the inmates -- they won't care that he only used to be a crane. They'll just want to nail the rich kid. He could end up being some man's bitch. Or worse, he could -- he could end up dead. Do you want to be responsible for that, theresa -- not only for ruining his life but for his death, too?
Kay: Let go of me!
Zombie charity: Not a chance, kay. My dearly departed friends give the death grip a new meaning.
Kay: What did you do to miguel? Why isn't he freaking out?
Zombie charity: Let's just say that he is spellbound at the thought of doing the deed with me.
Miguel: What's going on? Why can't I get up?
Zombie charity: Excuse me. My boy toy needs a booty booster shot.
Miguel: Charity, make love to me.
Zombie charity: I'm coming, my hot tamale.
Zombie charity: Will you shut up already? He doesn't even know you're here.
Kay: Miguel? Miguel, wake up! She's trying to kill you!
Zombie charity: You got that right. Having sex with me is to die for. Miguel's about to experience this firsthand -- the dying part. And since you're here, you might as well watch. I mean, you can see what you're missing.
Kay: No, miguel, don't! Hers is the kiss of death!
tabitha: I had no idea julian could skip like that. But then again, I don't think i've ever seen him sober before.
Head: I'm puzzled by what the scroll is showing us.
Tabitha: Yes. It is a bit odd. But I don't think timmy can be in any danger from a man who's skipping down a path that resembles a classic movie set. Oh! Oh, no, no, no, no. Scroll, don't lose reception now. No. We want to see what happens next. Oh, drat!
Head: Maybe it's best you not see what's happening to timmy. I'm sensing that if he follows the yellow brick road, he will reach a dead end -- if you know what i mean?
Timmy: Is julian all right?
Julian: Too many years of smoking the occasional cigar. Nothing an oxygen tank can't cure.
Timmy: Julian won't have to skip anymore. We're here.
Timmy: The over the rainbow hotel. Timmy can finally get the demon's horn he needs to save charity.
Brian: Tell nick to take a hike, diana. Tell him you love me and you're going to stay here with me. Tell him that we'll pay off the debt that you owe him together.
Sheridan: What are you talking about? Would you please tell me what happened? Why did you quit racing?
Liz: Brian quit because he almost died.
Liz: Brian almost died in a car crash.
Brian: You love me, diana. I can see it in your eyes. I know you do.
Sheridan: Since it didn't sink in the last time, i will say it again. I am leaving with nick. I want to see the world in style. I don't want to wait on tables anymore in some rundown hotel. I don't want you. I don't want this so-called life you live. We are finished, brian. Yeah, sure, you were good in the sack, but that's about it. It's over between us forever.
ethan: The pilot. Yes?
Pilot: I found a place to land not too far south of the cabin. You and mrs. Crane have to get out here now. If the wind picks up any more, I won't be able to land.
Ethan: All right, we're on our way.
Ethan: Gwen, I'm sorry. I know i'm hurting you, but I have to do this. I have to help theresa. All right? I feel responsible for something i set in motion.
Gwen: Ethan, i hate -- i hate that you're doing this, but I still love you so much.
Ethan: All right. I'll keep in touch, all right? I promise. I'm sorry we have such short time to say good-bye.
Theresa: Ethan, please. You told the pilot that we were on our way.
Ethan: Good-bye, gwen.
Theresa: Yes, gwen, good-bye.
Ethan: Come on. Let's go.
Gwen: Good-bye, ethan. Bye.
Julian: The over the rainbow hotel. No mention of concierge, valet service, pay-per-view. Our little journey is getting stranger by the moment.
Timmy: This is where the billboard said the wizard would be. Timmy's sure that he knows about demon's horn.
Julian: Yes, yes, whatever. Let's go inside. At the very least, we can get a room and some much-needed sleep.
Julian: I thought rebecca's decorating bordered on bright.
julian: I can't believe this! Booze!
Julian: Thank you.
Timmy: Timmy and toto definitely aren't in harmony anymore.
Tabitha: I don't understand why the scroll lost reception. I suppose it doesn't matter now. I'm not nearly as worried about timmy as i was. Zombie charity is busy doing the old bump-and-grind with miguel. And once she actually kills the hunk, she'll forget all about timmy. Anyway, he's following the yellow brick road. What possible danger could he encounter on such a magical path?
Head: Actually, great danger, I'm afraid.
Tabitha: What do you mean?
Head: Well, when timmy reaches the end of the yellow brick road, it'll be the end of timmy.
Kay: Miguel, don't let her seduce you!
Zombie charity: He can't hear you, kay. He's too deeply under my spell, so just shut up.
Kay: Miguel, wake up! Miguel, wake up before it's too late!
Zombie charity: Hmm, it already is. Miguel is about to go from being to die for to just plain dead. Maybe you'll finally get what you want, though, kay. He can hold you the way your friends are holding you now. Oh, if you'll excuse me, kay, my boyfriend's just dying to make love to me.
Liz: You heard her, brian. Diana is leaving now -- for good.
Brian: Ok. If this is what you want.
Sheridan: It is.
Nick: Well, now that that's settled, it's time for us to board our yacht.
Brian's voice: I couldn't have been this wrong about you, diana. I couldn't have been.
Sheridan: I'm sorry, brian, but this is for the best.
Gwen: Be careful, ethan! I love you!
Gwen: Oh, my God. Oh, my God! The helicopter crashed! Ethan!