Passions Transcript Monday 4/22/02
Brian: Are you sure about this? You know this is brian you're talking to, huh?
Sheridan: I know it's you, brian. From now on, it's only you.
Luis: I can't believe that grief has blinded me to what was in front of me this whole time -- you. I've been such an idiot, I just --
beth: No. Shh. Don't talk like that. The past is the past and all that matters is now, this moment.
Beth: The two of us together.
Zombie charity: Timmy? Get your pint-sized butt out here!
Kay: What is wrong? He said he'd be back in a minute.
Zombie charity: Yeah, after he sends me back to hell!
Kay: Why would he try to do that?
Zombie charity: Shut up and help me look for the little rug rat. That timmy is a menace.
Timmy: Timmy's scared!
Tabitha: Oh, I'm scared, too, lad. It's what I've been trying to protect you from.
Timmy: Well, what does it mean?
Tabitha: It's your future, lad. If you try to use the book of spells to save charity, zombie blondie will kill you for sure.
Ethan: If your honor allows, I'd like to call a witness to the stand.
Judge: And who would that be?
Ethan: The plaintiff, ms. Lopez fitzgerald.
Pilar: Dios mio.
Gwen: I wonder what ethan is up to.
Woody: Your honor, I strongly and stridently object.
Ethan: Well, why, mr. Stumper? Does your client have something to hide?
Theresa: No, I don'T. I'm not afraid to take the stand, your honor.
Woody: You're making a momentous mistake here. If you testify, ethan could trick you and trap you into testifying against your personal self.
Theresa: No, no, ethan is not out to hurt me. He cares about me.
Pilar: Theresa, ethan is going to do whatever is necessary to prove that you are not mrs. Julian crane.
Theresa: Don't worry, mama. I'm going to win this case, ok? Ethan won't hurt me. He loves me.
Ethan: Are you going to let your client take the stand or do i have to subpoena her?
Theresa: I will take the stand.
Woody: Look, if you insist on this insanity, at least -- at least keep your eyes on me, all right? I'll cue you on how to testify. If i pull on my right ear, if i pull on my right ear, that means answer ethan's question. If i pull on my left ear, that means deflect it, deny it, lie to debunk it. Whatever works, I don't care.
Pilar: Theresa. No, you must tell the truth.
Woody: Woman, please. This is a court of law, not a confessional.
Theresa: I'm going to do whatever i have to do to win. Ivy and rebecca have taught me that much.
Bailiff: Theresa lopez fitzgerald to the stand.
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Theresa: I do.
Singer: I would hold the hand of the one who could lead me places and kiss the lips of the one who could sing so sweet and i would fly on the wings of the bird i knew could take me highest breathe in, breathe out you keep me alive you are the fire burning inside of me you are my passion for life
ethan: Please state your name for the record.
Theresa: Mrs. Julian crane.
Ethan: Move to strike, on the grounds that this hearing is to determine the legitimacy of the witness' claim as such.
Ethan: Your name, for the record, is theresa lopez fitzgerald.
Theresa: Theresa lopez fitzgerald crane.
Ethan: Ok. To begin with, why don't we go back to what you just told the court earlier -- that your mental faculties were not impaired the night you married julian. Is that correct?
Theresa's voice: Right ear means answer. Yeah, right.
Theresa: That is correct.
Ethan: Well, what about julian crane? Were his mental faculties impaired when he married you? Specifically, was he drunk at the time of the ceremony?
Theresa's voice: Left means lie.
Theresa: No. Julian was not drunk when we exchanged our wedding vows.
Pilar: Stop lying, theresa. You will suffer the consequences.
Woody: Keep on keeping on, girl. Woody need a new car to go with his new house on nantucket.
Ethan: I'm confused. You stated repeatedly in front of witnesses that both you and julian drank copious amounts of champagne the night of your wedding.
Theresa: Julian was not drunk, if that's what you're getting at.
Ethan: So it is your sworn testimony that both you and julian knew what you were doing when you tied the knot?
Woody: You go, girl. Woody needs some new clothes, too.
Ethan: Well, correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems you've lied repeatedly to me, your mother, and everyone in this courtroom when you stated that you thought you were marrying me.
Theresa: Um -- no.
Ethan: Well, either you lied or you didn't, theresa. You can't have it both ways. Well, we're waiting, theresa. Did you or did you not lie to everyone repeatedly in this courtroom about who you thought you were marrying?
Kay: Why do you have it in for a sweet little boy, anyway? Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?
Zombie charity: Someone more like you, kay?
kay: I didn't do anything to you!
Zombie charity: You've been trying to make me disappear for weeks now. Maybe it's time I returned the favor.
Timmy: Can't tabby save timmy?
Tabitha: That's what I've been trying to do. I hid the book of spells, I even burned it. When that didn't work, i put fluffy in charge of trying to keep it from you. But zombie charity sensed you got hold of it again. I tried to make a deal with her to spare your life, but -- but she's out to kill you, timmy. And without my powers, there's no way i can stop her. That's why the scroll floated in to foretell your future.
Timmy: Timmy doesn't want to die now that he's a real boy. He has so much he wants to do. Driving a car. Going to college. Getting a job. Getting married! Timmy doesn't want to die!
Tabitha: Oh. Oh, I don't want you to die, either, timmy. Oh, I love you.
Sheridan: I'm so sorry for all the times I've hurt you, talking about the love i lost.
Brian: It's ok. We're together now and that's all that matters, right?
Beth: I am so happy that you finally want what I've always dreamed that we'd have together.
Luis: I've been such a fool. Can you ever forgive me?
Beth: There's nothing to forgive. There never was. ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|ú|
Ethan: We're waiting, ms. Lopez fitzgerald. And was it a lie when you told me that you didn't realize you were marrying julian and you thought it was me? Was it a lie when you told me that julian got you drunk and took advantage of you? And when you told me that you thought you were making love to me, not julian? Was that a lie, as well? You told me that you loved me and that you never would have married julian if you had known what you were doing. Was that a lie? Well, theresa, was it?
Woody: I object, your honor! I object to the atrocious, ferocious, outrageous way the counsel is badgering my client!
Judge: Objection overruled.
Woody: I object!
Judge: Sit down and be quiet, mr. Stumper! The witness will answer counsel's questions.
Zombie charity: What's the matter, kay? Rainy days and zombies get you down?
Kay: You don't scare me.
Zombie charity: Oh. I guess I'll have to try a little harder, then.
Kay: Give it your best shot, but you and I both know that you cannot afford to kill me. If you did, my dad wouldn't stop until he found out who offed me. And when he did, you'd go down in flames.
Zombie charity: Well, where do you think i came from, kay?
zombie charity: How's that for a subtle hint? Hmm?
Kay: I don't get it.
Zombie charity: Oh, but you will, kay. I'll see that you get it good.
timmy: No! The basement's rumbling again.
Tabitha: You offended zombie charity so much that the boys downstairs have started to notice, and there's nothing i can do to help you!
Timmy: Then timmy will go at it alone.
Tabitha: What do you mean?
Timmy: Timmy will get rid of zombie to save himself and to save the real charity.
Tabitha: No, no, lad! Don't you understand? You'll die if you do.
Sheridan: Brian, what's wrong?
Sheridan: Brian, why did you pull back?
Brian: Because I want our first time together to be perfect, and you're still running a fever, and i don't want to make love to you when you don't feel well.
Sheridan: You are so good to me.
Brian: Hey, i love you too much to have it any other way. I'll call the doctor, see if he can give you anything to feel better.
[Knock on door]
luis: I don't care who that is, I'm not answering it.
Beth: Maybe -- maybe you should. It could be your brother.
luis: All right! Yeah? Oh. Hi.
Maid: And I have your and your lady friend's costumes for tonight's ball.
Luis: Right. Ok. Thank you --
maid: You're welcome.
Luis: So much. Do you believe we got interrupted for this? All right, now, where's our "do not disturb" sign? I'm nailing this thing to the door.
zombie charity: That noise sounds like it's coming from tabitha's basement.
Kay: Yeah. It's probably just her old pipes acting up again. They did it a lot when my family was staying here.
Zombie charity: Bad pipes is one thing, but what's up with the red light and the smoke?
Kay: Oh, tabitha told me that she grows plants down there and the smoke is like airborne fertilizer or something and the red light's from a lamp.
Zombie charity: Huh. You know, tabitha said timmy plays down there. Timmy? Get up here, you brat, i want to talk to you!
Kay: Oh, yeah, like he's going to listen to you with that tone in your voice.
Zombie charity: You're right. You know, I've wasted enough time looking for timmy. I need to go find the book of spells before anyone gets their mitts on it.
Zombie charity: Kay should be taking the bait to be broiled in three, two, one.
Kay: So timmy plays down here sometimes, huh? Well, maybe he's down here right now with that book. If i can get it before the succubus does, i can cast a spell to do her in before she does miguel and kills him. Hey, timmy? Timmy, it's kay. Are you here? Timmy?
Timmy: Timmy has to save the real charity and zap away the other one.
Tabitha: No, you're no match for her evil, lad. You'll be like don quixote tilting at windmills. You'd lose the fight and you'd lose your life.
Timmy: Timmy's not afraid.
Timmy: To face supernatural foe fight with all that's in him to make zombie let charity go
tabitha: No, timmy. It's me who must try to dispatch zombie charity back down under. Now give me the book of spells.
Timmy: No. Timmy needs it to save the real charity and zap the zombie.
Tabitha: Yeah, but listen. Zombie knows that you have the book. If you try and cast a spell now, she'll come down on your head like a ton of brimstone.
Timmy: Good thing timmy's wearing a helmet.
Tabitha: Timmy, come back here.
Tabitha: Timmy? Timmy? Come back here. Give me that book. Give me that book!
Timmy: Sorry, princess. No can do. Where's the spell to nuke zombie charity?
Tabitha: Oh, timmy, you are too young to behave like a rebellious teenager. Now give me that book!
Tabitha: Gotcha! Now give me this book!
Tabitha: It's my duty to protect you.
Tabitha: By doing this.
Timmy: Tabby! No! Let timmy go!
Tabitha: Sorry, timmy, I'm doing this for your own good.
Ethan: Please, theresa, just answer the question. Were you lying to me when you told me you thought you were marrying me and not julian in bermuda? Have you lied to me this whole time? Were you never in love with me? Were my mother and rebecca right -- that you were just using me to get your hands on the crane billions? And that i was just your ticket to the good life? Please, theresa, i need to know. Did you never love me? I mean, was everything that i thought we had the biggest lie of all? Did you really want to marry julian for his money and not me?
Theresa: No. I didn't want to marry julian, ethan, i wanted to marry you!
theresa: I love you so much! I always have and I always will and that is the God's honest truth! I swear.
Singer: You are my passion for life
ivy: I knew it.
[Judge pounds gavel]
judge: Order in the court.
Theresa: Ethan, please say something. You wanted the truth and i gave it to you. I love you with all of my heart. It was never about the crane name or money, it was always about you. Everything that I did -- good and bad, right or wrong -- it's because I love you!
Ethan: I've no more questions for the witness, your honor.
Judge: You may step down.
Theresa: No! Not until ethan answers my question!
Judge: Listen to me, young lady --
theresa: Ethan, can you stand here and say that you don't love me?
[Judge pounds gavel]
judge: Order. Order in the court.
Theresa: Ethan, you wanted me to be honest. Well, I am. Now I want you to tell the truth. Please, tell me how you feel. Please, ethan. Look at me. Tell me how you feel.
Judge: Young lady, if you don't step down, I'll have the bailiff escort you off of the stand.
Theresa: Ethan, tell me that you still love me.
Ethan: I'm through with the witness, your honor.
Theresa: No, ethan!
Judge: Either you allow the bailiff to escort you off the stand or i will hold you in contempt.
Woody: Come on, theresa. Move it or lose it, come on.
Theresa: Please, look at me. Look at me. No matter what, I love you and i always will.
Woody: What part of "deny, deflect, or lie" did you not understand?
Ethan: Your honor, in closing, I would like to remind the court that by ms. Lopez fitzgerald's own admission, she thought she was marrying me, not julian crane. Subsequently, she did not enter into her marriage consciously or willingly, but her mental faculties were severely impaired. So i ask the court to dismiss her claims to all crane moneys and her title as mrs. Julian crane.
Timmy: Tabby's not as smart as she thinks she is. All timmy has to do now is find the ingredients on this piece of paper, and timmy can save his true love, charity, and zap that zombie. "Lizard gizzards." Check. "All-purpose magic herbs." Check. "Demon's claw." "Demon's horn." Oh, no. Tabby doesn't have demon's horn. Where does it come from?
Timmy: "Demon's claw." "Demon's foot." "Demon's horn." That's where the nearest place demon's horn comes from? But how can timmy leave here to save charity?
Zombie charity: Timmy? Timmy, tim?
[Zombie charity whistles]
zombie charity: Timmy? Come out wherever you are.
Tabitha: I have to hide this how-to manual before that zombie menace finds out i've got it!
Zombie charity: Timmy? Timmy!
Tabitha: Zombie, dear, what are you doing still here?
Zombie charity: Ugh! I'm looking for your little problem child and his book of spells.
Tabitha: Oh. You're wasting your time. Timmy's gone out, and I don't recall him having the book with him.
Zombie charity: Then he hid it somewhere and i'm going to find him and find out where it is. Where did he go?
Tabitha: Oh, I'm afraid i have no idea.
Tabitha: Oh. Did you do something to upset the boys downstairs?
Zombie charity: Of course not. They like me. But maybe kay's the problem.
Tabitha: Kay? What do you mean?
Zombie charity: Curious kay wanted to find the spell book, too, so I sent her on a little wild-goose chase -- emphasis on "wild."
[Zombie charity laughs]
tabitha: Oh, zombie, you shouldn't have done that! How will i ever explain to her what's really down there?
Zombie charity: Oh, well, that's your problem, hagatha. That is assuming she makes it out alive.
Tabitha: Kay? Kay, are you all right?
Timmy: Oh. This must be where the angel girl said timmy and charity's lives are connected because timmy's going to save the real charity and they're going to live happily ever after.
This is a quest to follow his heart despite that it's risky and straight from the start and save his true love who is frozen in ice and zap away zombie who's not very terribly nice to be all that timmy --
tabitha: Kay, are you all right? Kay, dear, what happened?
Kay: Tabitha, i thought you said you had plants down there.
Tabitha: Yes, yes, I did say that.
Kay: Well, then what was it that was grabbing my -- my legs, my arms, my face, even my hair?
Tabitha: Are -- are you sure you didn't imagine that, dear?
Kay: Tabitha, you have something in your basement, something alive.
Tabitha: Yes. My exotic hybrid plants.
Kay: No, well -- I felt like there were claws, like, grabbing me or something.
Tabitha: Oh, well, my plants do have thorns. Maybe you brushed up against them without realizing it.
Kay: Maybe I should take one of those plants to my science teacher. I think he'd probably go wild.
Tabitha: Yes, well, no doubt about that. I couldn't possibly let you take my friends in the basement for show-and-tell. No, exposure to the sunlight would kill them. And if that happened, I think i'd die, as well.
Kay: Sweet that you're so sentimental.
Tabitha: Yes, well, i love all the little creatures in this house. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to a single one of them.
Beth: I'm going to go take a shower.
Luis: All right. And I'm going to use this time to make sure tonight's a night you never forget.
Beth: It already has been.
Luis: Uh-uh. I'm going to give you the whole nine yards -- dinner, dancing, wine, flowers. And then we'll be together. I promise.
Beth: This is a dream come true for me. My life's dream -- the two of us together.
Brian: You are way too sick to be going to the costume ball.
Sheridan: But the doctor said that i would be feeling better soon. Besides, i really want to meet your brother.
Brian: And you will. You can meet him tomorrow when you're feeling better.
Sheridan: But the ball sounds like so much fun. Can't we go for just a little while?
Brian: No. You're going to stay here in this bed and I'm going to take care of you.
Sheridan: All right, fine, I'll stay here. But just because i'm feeling under the weather doesn't mean it should spoil all your fun.
Brian: I'm not going to leave you up in this room by yourself.
Sheridan: I insist that you go and spend time with your brother. Besides, i won't get any rest with you here. Just being near you makes my heart race a mile a minute.
Brian: Ok. Ok, fine. I'll go, but i'm only going to go for a little while.
Gwen: Ethan? I know that wasn't easy for you, but you did what you had to do, ok? Just remember that theresa brought this all on herself.
Ethan: Yeah, well, I told her that i was going to win this case no matter what I do. I just hate to see theresa hurt.
[Judge pounds gavel]
judge: I'll make my ruling on this matter after a short recess.
Bailiff: All rise.
Theresa: How badly did I hurt my chances of winning by taking the stand?
Woody: You must be delirious because you can't be serious. In all my years as a professional lawyer, i've never had a client botch, bungle, and blow a case like you did here today.
Theresa: That's what I was afraid of. You know, I was all set to be strong, to stand up to ethan. But when i saw the look on his face, how hurt he was, I -- i couldn't lie. I had to tell the truth. I love him and i always will.
Woody: Well, I hope that keeps you warm at night because I seriously, honestly, and truthfully doubt that you're going to leave here with enough money to buy yourself a heating pad.
Pilar: Theresa, mija, no matter what happens, you still have your family, and we will help take care of you and your baby. Ok?
Rebecca: Theresa is down for the count and victory is soon going to be ours.
Gwen: I'm having a hard time seeing ethan watch theresa get thrown out into the street.
Ivy: But he's the reason we're going to win this case.
Gwen: Yes, i know, but i also know ethan. He's too good to let theresa hit bottom.
Judge: I wish all my cases were as open-and-shut as this one.
Judge: Oh, my God. It's you.
Bailiff: Who is that?
Judge: Never mind. Go wait outside, make sure we're not disturbed. Alistair crane. What do you want?
Alistair: I'm here to discuss the case you just heard.
Judge: There's nothing to discuss. Reaching a verdict will be easy.
Alistair: Indeed, it will be, if you do exactly as i say.
Kay: Oh, my gosh. I need to go home and fix this before -- before my family sees me. Bye.
Zombie charity: Bye, medusa.
Tabitha: Weren't you leaving, too?
Zombie charity: Oh, no. Not until I find your little timmy.
Tabitha: I told you, he went out. But you're welcome to stay until he gets back. If you'll excuse me, i have herbs to brew.
Zombie charity: I'll get you before you get me, timmy. I guarantee it.
Timmy? Timmy? Now listen, you must stay out of sight while i think of a way to contain zombie blondie. Timmy? You're not supposed to hide from me! Oh, no. Oh, no! Timmy? Timmy? Where are you?
Luis: I don't know about you but I'm parched.
Beth: Hmm. Me, too. Ooh, it looks good.
Luis: The good stuff.
Brian: Luis? Beth?
Beth: Brian, hey. You look so handsome. But where's diana?
Brian: She's still a little under the weather and she insisted that I come down here.
Luis: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm really looking forward to meeting her.
Sheridan: My voice may be scratchy but i'm glad I started feeling better. I can't wait to surprise brian.