Passions Transcript Friday 4/12/02
Timmy: Timmy didn't want to come home. Timmy wanted to finish the delicious meal grace bennett made for him.
Tabitha: This is no time to talk about waffles, timmy. No time at all. Timmy: Why not? What could more important than a nutritious meal for a growing boy?
Tabitha: I don't want to lose him. I need your help. I need to borrow some of your witchcraft powers. Not a lot, mind you. Just enough to cast a spell to make sure timmy stays alive.
Zombie charity: Hmm, I can't do that.
Tabitha: Why not? It would take the merest fraction of your power to keep him alive.
Zombie charity: It doesn't matter what it would take. I'm not going to keep him alive because I'm going to kill him.
Timmy: Why can't timmy go back to the bennetts'?
Tabitha: Because I said so. That's why. I have a million things to do around the house today, and I need you to help me.
Timmy: Timmy's going to be too busy searching for the book of spells, to get rid of zombie charity.
Tabitha: How many times do i have to tell you that we are stuck with her? The demon child is here to stay. And there is no hope whatsoever of you saving the real charity. She's a goner no matter what you do.
Timmy: Oh. Timmy's going to try and make his own lunch.
Tabitha: Oh, I have to make certain that fluffy keeps timmy away from that damn spell book. It's the only way I have of saving the boy's life.
Zombie charity: Hmm. Won't be long before i brush all the pests out of my life, starting with ms. Has-been tabitha and her pesky little sidekick. Or maybe i should start with kay. Then i can finally get it on with miguel. It is just too bad that he's going to have die after he makes love to me. At least he'll go out with a smile.
Kay: I have to find that book of spells so i can get rid of zombie charity before she gets rid of miguel.
Gwen: Are you sure, ethan? I mean, are you sure there's not a part of you that wants to get back together with theresa?
Ethan: Oh, yeah, I'm positive. You know, I'll always care about theresa. But, you know, we don't have a future together, not anymore. You know, I just wish that she would reconsider the offer i made her on behalf of my mother, because if she doesn't change her mind, she and the baby are going to wind up without anything -- no home, money to put food on the table --
gwen: You. You know, ethan, you are such a good person, and I know how hard this is for you. I just -- I want you to remember that whatever happens this was theresa's choice. You've done everything you can to help her, and the ball is in her court now.
Theresa: I am going to have it all, mama -- the crane name, money, and ethan, to boot!
Pilar: Stop it. This is crazy talk, theresa. Ethan himself has told you that it will never happen. You will not win your claim that you are julian's rightful widow and heir, nor will you wind up with ethan. Your stubborn and willful spirit is going to cost you and your baby everything.
Alistair: Mama knows best, theresa. Carry on the way you are and you'll wind up with nada,
nada damn thing.
beth: You know, I really believe in time that luis will be able to put his old relationship behind him and move on, with me. And I think the same thing is going to happen with you and diana.
Brian: Hey, we could end up brother- and sister-in-law after all, huh?
Beth: Wouldn't that be something?
Sheridan: It's him. It's really him. It wasn't a dream. He's really here!
sheridan: Wait! Please don't go! Wait for me!
Singer: Would hold the hand of the one who could lead me places and kiss the lips of the one who could sing so sweet and i would fly on the wings of the bird i knew could take me highest breathe in, breathe out you keep me alive you are the fire burning inside of me you are my passion for life
timmy: Hello, kay. What can timmy do for you today?
Kay: Oh, you know, nothing much, but I just came by to see why you and tabitha took off so quickly. By the way, you haven't seen that book, have you?
Timmy: Which old book would that be?
Kay: Oh, that weird one, with all those silly spells in it. You don't know where it is by any chance, do you?
Timmy: Timmy thinks he has a pretty good idea where that book might be.
Kay: Really? Well, could you show me?
Timmy: With pleasure.
Tabitha: Mm-hmm. Love that feline. All it took was an extra can of tuna to convince fluffy to keep timmy away from the dreaded spell book. Now my lad should be safe.
Tabitha: Hello? Harpercollins? This is tabitha lenox. May I speak to my editor, please? Wellactually, it's about an advance on a royalty check. Yes, that's right.
That tabitha lenox, author of "the new york times" bestseller "hidden passions." Oh, you've read the perback! Well, bully for you. Yes, would you mind telling her that i need that check asap? I'm planning to do a bit of traveling.
Zombie charity: Something is rotten in harmony. And it isn't aunt grace's eggs.
Ethan: Yeah, I'll be there. Well, guess who's due in court today.
Ethan: Yeah, they put theresa's case on the docket.
Gwen: Wow, that was awfully fast.
Ethan: She must think she's going to win.
Gwen: And you don't?
Ethan: No, not at all. I mean, this is a slam-dunk case for my mother. My mother is the one and only mrs. Julian crane.
Ivy: That's what I keep telling rebecca here.
Pilar: I cannot believe i am listening to my own daughter. You know, theresa, you sound like a spoiled, vindictive brat who only cares about money. You have changed, mija. I'm ashamed of you.
Theresa: Mama, don't say that. I am the same as i have always been. I am just trying to do what is best for our family.
Pilar: What is best is for you to be grateful for the settlement ethan offered you. Now tell ethan that you've changed your mind and that you will accept it for the sake of your unborn baby.
Theresa: Why should i settle for a glass that is half empty when i deserve one that is all the way full?
Pilar: Because, teresita, half of a glass is better than nothing, which is exactly what you will get if you continue to pursue this case that you cannot win!
Theresa: I am sorry, mama, but I do not agree. When julian married me in bermuda, he basically ruined my life. And I deserve his house, his money, and everything that is in his name just for that!
pilar: What is he doing back here?
Theresa: I don't know, mama. I wasn't expecting him.
Woody: Good news the chariot's coming good news theresa, you going get your day in court.
Theresa: What are you saying?
Woody: I'm saying we're due in court in a couple hours. Now, come on, honey, you got to change your clothes. You want to make a good impression on the judge, don't you?
Theresa: Yes. Mama, please, tell me that my blue dress -- it didn't get ruined in the fire, did it?
Woody: Oh, don't worry, don't worry about your dress. We're going to go pick out a winning outfit that's going to make you look as pregnant as possible, so pregnant that the judge is going to be afraid that the bun's going to pop out the oven any minute. How about that?
Theresa: Ok. Ok.
Woody: Let me see. Yeah, mm-hmm.
Alistair: You get what you pay for, theresa. But I doubt you'll ever learn that.
sheridan: Wait! Please, wait!
Luis: What was that?
man: Ooh, sorry, miss. Killer hangovers. We got to get to some aspirin. Ho the elevator, will you?
sheridan: No, wait! No, please wait! No! You don't understand. The love of my life is in there! No, it's not fair! It's just not fair. You came back for me. My love. Oh, you came back for me.
sheridan: It really is you. I wanted to believe it, but I was so afraid.
Brian: Afraid of what?
Sheridan: I don't know. I -- i thought maybe it was my imagination. I thought maybe it -- brian?
Brian: Yes. Who else would i be?
Luis: Hey. Where's my brother?
Beth: Oh, antonio -- i -- I mean, brian -- he wanted to go check on diana. He was afraid she might be running a fever.
Luis: Oh. Hmm. Well, I'll show this to him later, then.
Beth: Hmm. Well, this could definitely change brian's mind about going home to harmony.
Luis: Yeah. Well, if the sight of mama, theresa, and miguel doesn't do it, then nothing will. Anyway, I got another ace up my sleeve.
Luis: I'm going to tell him if he wants to bring his girlfriend, he can.
Beth: Oh, wouldn't that be great? Your mother would be so surprised.
Pilar: Theresa, i beg you to not sink to this man's level.
Woody: Easy, come on. Pilar, your little girl is going to have to go low if she wants a piece of this pie, which, frankly, I wouldn't bet my diploma on at this moment in time. All right. Now, we got to work this out here. Now, i think what we need to do is play the pathetic card, play the pathetic card to the hilt, right? Rich, powerful mogul takes advantage -- takes advantage of an overworked, underpaid maid's daughter -- mm-hmm -- gets her drunk, knocks her up, leaves her all alone in the world with junior mogul on the way. Mm-hmm. On second thought, wear what you got on. Just muss up your hair a little bit. Come on. Muss her up.
Pilar: Theresa, please don'T.
Woody: Pilar, would --
alistair: Why is it that the girls who most need to listen to their mothers never do?
Ethan: What are you doing here?
Woody: Prepping my client for court. What else?
Ethan: Well, you know, you might do her more of a service if you try to convince her to accept our very generous settlement.
Theresa: Well, it won't do any good because i've made up my mind.
Woody: Yes, yes. And as i was saying, may the best man win. See you in court. You know what?
Woody: On third thought, let's go pick us out an outfit. Come on.
Ethan: You ready, mother?
Ivy: I'll just be a moment.
Rebecca: Hmm. I still say one little trip down the staircase would save us all a whole lot of time and money.
Ivy: No, rebecca. We're going to give the system a chance to work. Ethan says theresa's marriage will never hold up in court, so we have nothing to worry about. Oh -- did I say "we"? I mean i'll have nothing to worry about. Either way, you're going to be out of the mansion on your overpadded behind.
Kay: So, where is the dusty old thing?
Timmy: Right over there on fluffy's scratching post.
Timmy: Tabitha's monster -- he means cat.
Kay: What would a cat be doing with a book of spells?
Timmy: Uh -- fluffy's not your usual house kitty. Kay will see.He
[fluffy caterwauls and spits]
kay: Ok. Ouch! What is wrong with you?
Tabitha: Oh, well, will you please ask her to send the check express mail so I have it in y hands tomorrow when i visit my travel agent? Yes.
Zombie charity: Going somewhere, old lady?
Tabitha: Uh -- ta-ta! I must run. Thank you. Bye. You nearly scared the living daylights out of me. Haven't you heard of knocking?
Zombie charity: I don't need to knock. I go where i please when i please. I do whatever the hell i want -- unlike you, who's lost every ounce of power you ever had.
Tabitha: Oh, well, just forget the insults. I want to make a bargain with you.
Zombie charity: Oh, please.
Tabitha: I don't care what you do to me or kay or anyone else for that matter. But timmy is an innocent little boy, hardly able to interfere with a twisted plan from someone as evil and all-powerful as you. Please, don't touch a hair on his sweet little head!
kay: Ah! Now go chase a rabid mouse and don't come back! Gosh, you were right. That cat is nasty.
Timmy: She doesn't even deserve her own scratching post.
Timmy: Can timmy see the book?
Kay: Well, what do you want to see in here?
Timmy: Oh, nothing in particular. Just it sounded interesting.
Kay: Well, not so fast. I want to look first, ok?
Timmy: What does kay even want to see in the book?
Kay: Oh, you know, a little of this, a little of that. Interesting fables from, like, different lands and stuff, like if someone created a leprechaun or a golem or something and they wanted to get rid of it?
Timmy: Oh! Now timmy gets it. You want to write a book report on ancient folklore around the world to get a good grade in school.
Kay: That's right. That's exactly it.
Kay's voice: How gullible can you get? I need to find a spell in here to get rid of zombie charity. That's the only way I can save miguel.
Beth: Hey, do you remember that time when you and antonio talked me into cutting school?
Luis: When we went down to the old creek?
Beth: And we almost got away with it, except for that huge hole you gouged into the side of my dad's skiff?
Luis: Nice. Yeah. And he was so ticked off. I thought he was never going to let us hang out again.
Beth: I know.
Luis: Then my brother took the heat. Antonio was always saving my butt.
Beth: Yeah, but you watched out for him, too, luis.
Luis: Yeah, well --
beth: I mean, I know you guys are very different individuals in your own right, but --
Beth: When it comes down to it, you share a lot of the same traits. You're both honorable, decent, strong --
luis: All right, all right. You've been talking to my mother too much.
Beth: No, not at all. I know what I'm talking about. I mean, there aren't many men like you and antonio in this world. That's why women fall in love with you so hard.
Luis: So what are you trying to say? You've fallen in love with my brother?
beth: No. You have got all of my attention --
Woody: Uh -- ahem -- I -- i object, your honor! I object! Uh -- stand up, honey. Stand up. As the court can see -- watch out for little julian in there -- as the court can see, my client is very, very, very much, very much pregnant, right? And -- and postponing probate would be injurious to the life of an innocent child, which I'm sure this court does not want on its honorable conscience, right?
Judge: I understand your point of view, mr. Stumper. But your opposing counsel has raised an interesting point. Unless and until mr. Julian crane is declared legally dead --
Judge: There is no legal basis for proceeding.
Ethan: If you'll take note, mr. Crane's divorce from his longtime wife was obtained on an offshore island not a territory of the united states. As such, his marriage to ms. Lopez fitzergald was never legally valid.
Woody: Excu-- hello, your honor, I object, I object. Many states in this great country of ours recognize divorces obtained outside of the united states proper.
Ethan: That may well be, sir, but this state isn't one of them.
Theresa: Well, then, we'll take our case to another state.
Judge: The court asks mr. Stumper to subdue his client.
Ethan: Your honor, we fully recognize ms. Lopez fitzgerald's right to file her claim wherever she likes, but it might behoove her to be aware that we have additional evidence to support our claim. In the eyes of the law, it is assumed that when two people enter into the marriage contract they are to be of sound mind, that is to say, sober and fully conscious of the consequences of their actions. Well, we contend that ms. Lopez fitzgerald and mr. Crane were not sober nor cognizant of what they were doing. That is to say, they didn't even realize their actions until the following day. It was not the intention of either one to marry the other.
Theresa: It was, too! I knew exactly what I was doing!
Ethan: Is that so?
Theresa: Yes, it is.
Rebecca: Ha! That proves it! She is the gold-digging hussy i've always said she was.
Kay: Where is timmy with that book of spells?
Zombie charity: I should have known you were up to something! Where the hell is timmy and that book of spells?
Timmy: Alone at last. Timmy has to find the spell that'll save the real charity. Timmy thinks he's found it.
Timmy: What should timmy look at, the book or the magic scroll? Timmy will look at the book. Timmy can't even make out what's on the stupid scroll.
Zombie charity: Ah!
Hmm! I knew that kid was trouble. Where did he go?
Kay: I -- i -- I didn't see. He -- he sneezed on the book and he went to clean it off.
Zombie charity: And you believed him? You're a bigger dummy than he is! Oh, he's going to be so sorry when i get my claws in him! Bye-bye, timmy! Hope you had a nice life!
Tabitha: What the -- what are you doing up here? Oh, no! I didn't want you to see that!
Timmy: Timmy doesn't understand. Why is there a picture of dead timmy on the scroll? Timmy doesn't want to die!
Tabitha: Oh. Oh.
Pilar: You of all people have no right to accuse my daughter of low morals.
Rebecca: Oh, and what do you know, huh?
You are just the maid.
Theresa: I am not a tramp or a hussy!
[Judge matthew pounds gavel]
judge: Order! Order in this courtroom, or I'm going to declare a mistrial! I'll arrest all of you for disorderly conduct.
Ethan: Your honor, I would like the court to know that we respectfully disagree with ms. Hotchkiss and we do not consider ms. Lopez fitzgerald --
Ethan: A gold-digger or anything of that kind. Your honor, if you allow me, I'd like to call a witness to the stand.
Judge: And who might that be?
Ethan: The plaintiff, theresa lopez fitzgerald.
Brian: I don't know. It's just that everywhere we go, you're reminded of the man that you loved and then -- I can't compete with that.
Sheridan: Brian, i haven't been fair with you. I've been so caught up feeling sorry for myself about losing one love that I haven't paid any attention to the one i have right in front of me.
Brian: You mean --
sheridan: I've been given another chance at love. I don't want
(end is cut off, sorry)