Passions Transcript Monday 4/15/02



Passions Transcript Monday 4/15/02 

By Suzanne

Miguel: Chief, mrs. Bennett --

sam: Spare me your excuses because I don't want to hear it.

Grace: I am so disappointed in both of you. Just go up to your rooms right now. Go.

Kay: You know what? I don't care if we're in trouble because at least i stopped you from making love to miguel. He's safe now because of me.

Zombie charity: Oh, senor happy pants just got a reprieve, that's all. I will make love to miguel tonight -- end of story. And end of miguel.

Kay: You'll make love to miguel tonight over my dead body.

Zombie charity: Oh. Kinky. But definitely doable.

[Music plays]

whitney: Will you turn that down. It's late.

Chad: Sure. Hey, get in. I want to talk to you for a minute.

Whitney: Um -- no. If my father comes out here and finds us together, he's going to kill you.

Chad: No, he won't. Your parents just went to sleep. I saw them turn out the light upstairs.

Whitney: No, don't! You're going to get him down here for sure. Please.

Chad: Well, that's up to you.

Whitney: Well, ok -- fine.

Whitney: You know, you can lose that little smile, chad, because I'm only doing this so my father doesn't come out here, find you, and execute you.

T.C.: Baby, why are you still up? I want to make love to my beautiful wife.

Eve: Well, honey, you need not wait any longer.

T.C.: That's chad's car. What the hell is he doing here?

Eve: T.C., Wait!

Ivy: This isn't even vaguely amusing, theresa. Now, let me into my own home.

Theresa: Sorry, ivy, but don't you and rebecca remember how you threw me out of here not so long ago? Well, now it's your turn. Be gone before i sic the dogs on you.

[Door slams]

ivy and rebecca: I'll kill her!

Ivy: Theresa --

rebecca: You bitch!

[Ivy and rebecca scream]

ivy and rebecca: Open the door!

Ivy: Theresa!


gwen: Ethan.

Ethan: Gwen, I didn't hear your car drive up.

Gwen: Yeah, I just got here. What's all the noise about?

Ivy: Theresa!

Ethan: I don't know. Let's go find out.

Ivy: Theresa!

Theresa: You can pound on the door till you break all of your claws and hooves, but it won't do you any good.

I am mrs. Crane, and i'm here to stay. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.

[Theresa hums]

singer: I would hold the hand of the one who could lead me places and kiss the lips of the one who could sing so sweet and i would fly on the wings of the bd i knew could take me highest breathe in, breathe out you keep me alive you are the fire burning inside of me you are my passion for life

sam: I thought I told you to sleep down here on the sofa alone.

Miguel: I -- i was, but --

sam: But what?

Miguel: Kay and charity fell down the stairs.

Sam: And landed on your shoulders and feet?

Miguel: Well, no, not -- not exactly. Here's what happed. I heard a noise upstairs, all right? So i got up to take a look, see what it was, and next thing i knew kay and charity were tumbling down the stairs like two stunt doubles. I tried to break their fall, but I was too late.

Sam: Well, none of you looked like you were injured when grace and I walked in. In fact, the three of you looked like you were feeling anything but pain. So i want you to cut to the chase and tell me what my daughter and niece were doing with their hands all over you.

Kay: That stupid zombie slut. Oh! I brought her to life to help me get miguel, but nothing's gone as i planned. Every time i even get close to him, that succubus slut is in the way.

[Door opens]

grace: Girls, we need to talk. No -- I am going to talk and you are going to listen. It goes without saying that sam and I were shocked and appalled by what we walked in on earlier. Now, kay, I would almost expect this behavior from you. But, frankly, I am stunned and -- and disappointed in you, charity. I mean, I thought I made it clear at pilar's that you weren't supposed to be cozying up to miguel, that we were going to talk about these things.

Zombie charity: I know, aunt grace. That's why i asked kay to stay with us.

Grace: It was? You were just doing one heck of a job as a chaperone, now, weren't you, kay? Rubbing miguel's shoulders while charity was -- you know what? It's too upsetting to even repeat. I have just got to say that you have really disappointed everyone.

Kay: Don't even blame this on me! She went to sneak downstairs after we went to bed, and all i tried to do was stop her!

Grace: Dressed like that?

[Music plays]

whitney: You know, it's late and I really need to get back in the house before simone and my parents come out here and see us together. So, what -- what do you want?

Chad: What do you think of this song?

Whitney: Honestly, I'm in no mood to play critic. And as you very well know, my parents don't want me to have anything to do with the music business. You know what? They would probably kill me along with you if they found me out here doing this with you.

Chad: Whitney, just listen to it, please? Tell me what you think. It's another one that I wrote for you.

Whitney: It's absolutely beautiful.

Ad: Yeah. But I think it's missing something.

Whitney: What?

Chad: You. Whitney, i think you need to sing this song.

Whitney: No. No.

Chad: Look, I've auditioned a bunch of girls, and none of them could do it any justice -- not like I think you can.

Whitney: You know what? You need to forget about it, chad. Just forget it.

Chad: Just think about it. Please? Just --

whitney: No.

Chad: Whitney -- just for me.

T.C.: Get out of the car.

Whitney: Daddy! Daddy!

T.C.: Whitney, get out of the car now!

Whitney: Yes, daddy.

T.C.: I've told you time and again to stay away from my daughter, didn't i?

Eve: Chad! T.C., No! Don't!

Ivy: Well, what's going on?

Rebecca: I can't see anything --

gwen: Mother, ivy, what's going on?

Rebecca: Oh -- theresa has moved in and she's changed all the locks.

Ethan: What? I don't believe it.

Ivy: Well, it's true, ethan. She won't let us in.

Ethan: Theresa? Theresa, open up.

Theresa: Now for my big scene.

Ethan: I'm going to go try a window or something. Come on, gwen.

Ivy: I can't believe this is happening.

Rebecca: Huh. I wonder if there's a way that we can pick the lock.

[Theresa hums]

theresa: Help! Somebody, please! Help, quick! Please!

Phyllis: What?

Theresa: Oh, my gosh.

Phyllis: What, mrs. Crane?

Theresa: Phyllis, we have intruders!

Phyllis: Don't worry, mrs. C. I know just what to do.

Theresa: Ok. Those two harridans don't know who they're up against, do they, little guy? But we're about to teach them one hell of a lesson.

Tabitha: Eve's lie, deceiving grace, and theresa's greed and kay's lust -- oh! Oh, our friends in the basement must be sensing a fresh pot of pain being brewed in harmony.

Timmy: This is upsetting timmy. And now that he's a real boy, stress messes with his biorhythms.

Tabitha: Oh, get used to it, lad. We're no match for the boys in the basement, and this is how they want it.

Timmy: The magic scroll! What does it want?

Tabitha: Only one way to find out, lad -- catch it.

Sam: I'm waiting. Tell me what charity and kay were doing with their hands all over you.

Miguel: Um -- they -- they were just trying to make sure i was ok after i tried to catch them when they fell.

Sam: Oh. Well, in that case -- I don't believe you.

Miguel: I was really shaken up, chief bennett.

Sam: About the girls falling?

Guel: And what i saw before that happened.

Sam: Well, given what little they had on, i don't fault you for that.

Miguel: No, sir. I thought that i saw a monster.

Sam: Wh-- what?

Miguel: When i heard charity and kay, i went over to the steps, I looked up the stairs, and I saw a shadow on the wall.

Sam: What kind of shadow?

Miguel: Wings. It looked like a demon with wings.


kay: Charity and I, we were just --

zombie charity: Dressing up. Being silly, that's all.

Grace: Well, those outfits were not silly. They were salacious. Now, where did you get such suggestive outfits?

Zombie charity: My mom.

Grace: What?

Zombie charity: Yeah. After the fire, the salvage people found some of my mom's stuff in the basement, and i was wearing it to feel closer to her.

Grace: Oh, well, I guess i never imagined my twin sister sleeping in something --

zombie charity: Yeah, well, I don't think we could afford air conditioning, and, you know, it's been washed so many times, it's kind of flimsy and tattered.

Grace: Yeah, well, some detergents can -- i -- never mind. Um -- kay, where did you get your outfit?

Kay: I bought it for myself.

Grace: Sweetheart, you are such a lovely girl. I mean, you don't need to cheapen yourself to attract boys.

Kay: Mom, that's not what i was doing.

Grace: Well, then, what were you doing?

Eve: T.C., Stop!

Whitney: Nothing happened between me and chad, daddy!

T.C.: What is he doing here in the first place? He wants to get you alone so he can slip some drugs to you --

whitney: Daddy!

Chad: I never drugged whitney!

T.C.: Oh, yes, you did. It was either you or one of your low-rent friends who put something in whitney's drink at the youth center!

Eve: Please. T.C., We don't know that! We don't know that it was chad or one of his friends that drugged whitney.

T.C.: Honey, i thought we were on the same page about this. Why have you changed your mind all of a sudden? Is there something you know you're not telling m

ivy: No, no, rebecca, go slower.

Rebecca: You know, this is all your fault. If you had not gotten sidetracked by eve and grace and little johnny boy, then theresa would never have made it inside the mansion.

Ivy: Well, if you would've stayed here defending your turf instead of trying to cause me trouble, you could have kept her out!

Rebecca: I had to follow you to see what you were up to, which was no good, of course!

Ivy: Oh! God!

Rebecca: Ah!

Ah! Oh! Ow! Oh!

[Ivy laughs]

ivy: Yes, well, that's for not minding your own business!

Rebecca: Ah! Ah! That's --

ivy: Ow!

Rebecca: For not minding your post and going out to pilar's!

Theresa: Well, this could be easier than I thought. Ivy and rebecca may kill each other before i take them to court!

Phyllis: Move away from the door, mrs. Crane. I don't want you or the baby getting hurt.

Theresa: Oh, did you call the police, phyllis?

Phyllis: No need to!

Theresa: Oh -- phyllis. Phyllis, phyllis, what are you doing with a shotgun?

Phyllis: My boyfriend allen gave it to me for protection. Oh -- here's that master key you asked for earlier.

Theresa: Thank you. Thanks, phyllis, but i think that you should just call the police and we can have ivy and rebecca arrested for trespassing.

Phyllis: No, why lock them up when i can take them out? Open the door so i can get a clear shot at them!

Theresa: Phyllis, really, I think that --

phyllis: I hate those two women out there! They've made my life miserable long enough! Now it's payback time.

Theresa: Well -- well, the raise -- well, the raise and the benefits i gave you -- they'll be worthless if you go to prison!

Phyllis: I hadn't thought of that.

Theresa: Ok. So, you -- you look out for me and I will look out for you. Now, let me have the gun so no one gets hurt. Oh, my God.

[Ivy and rebecca gasp]

ethan: No, theresa, don't shoot!


ivy: Ethan!

Pilar: Thank you, merciful father, for saving miguel tonight. I don't know what I would have done if miguel had been hurt tonight. He is such a good boy.

Sam: Are you calling my daughter or niece a demon?

Miguel: No, no. No, sir. It's just the shadow that I saw on the wall looked so real. And after your first house was sucked into hell, I thought maybe evil came back for seconds. Anyway, charity told me that it was just the shadow from the robes that looked like wings on the wall.

Sam: Well, you're not trying to blame what happened here tonight on charity or kay, are you?

Miguel: No, no. I take full responsibility, all right? Charity and kay were just trying to bring me some blankets and they tripped and fell down the stairs. And they were trying to get me to relax, you know, before they went back up -- at least that's what i think they were doing.

Sam: I find it hard to believe that you're that naive, miguel. And I have an even harder time believing that's what went on here tonight.

Miguel: Yeah.

Sam: But I'm beat and you must be, too, so what do you say we get some shuteye. We'll talk about this in the morning.

Miguel: So you're not throwing me out?

Sam: No. But I want you to sleep down here on the sofa alone like i said.

Miguel: All right.

Sam: Keep your shorts on and your hormones off.

Kay: I thought miguel might be cold, so I went to take him an extra blanket, and that's when i ran into charity in the hallway.

Zombie charity: I was taking him a blanket, too.

Kay: And it was dark in the hallway so we didn't see each other and we bumped into each other, and then we fell down the stairs.

Grace: Well, that hardly explains why the two of you were molesting miguel when sam and I walked in.

Kay: Mom, we weren't molesting him.

Grace: Oh.

Kay: We were just making sure he was comfortable.

Grace: Oh. Yeah, well, very comfortable from the looks of it.

Zombie charity: Aunt grace, please don't blame kay. It's my fault. I get carried away with miguel. I'm sorry. I should have never gone over there in the first place.

Kay: Charity's right, you know. It is her fault.

T.C.: Honey, you can't go soft on this boy. You know he's guilty for drugging whitney -- unless there's something you're not telling us.

Ivy: Who do you think had whitney drugged at the youth center?

Eve: You did that.

Ivy: Yes, i did. And if you don't do what i want you to do right now and change those D.N.A. Test results -- well, let me tell you exactly what is going to happen to those precious little daughters of yours.

T.C.: Well, eve? Have we misjudged chad?

Chad: Dr. Russell, if you know what happened, please tell us. Help me clear my name.

Eve: I can't say for sure that somebody else drugged whitney, but i don't want you resorting to violence, T.C., Especially when we don't know for certain that chad did it.

Chad: Oh, damn.

T.C.: Honey, i don't want you going soft on this boy. He's a punk. He drugged whitney.

Chad: No, I didn't.

Whitney: I don't believe that chad drugged me, either.

T.C.: Well, honey, i do.

Eve: Ok, everybody just calm down. Now, chad, what are you even doing here when we asked you to stay away from our daughters?

Chad: I just came by -- just came by to play whitney a song that I wrote for her.

Eve: Whitney's not interested in any song that you wrote for her! Honey, you are going to have to stay away from chad! Ok, just focus on your tennis. Because hanging out with musicians will only bring you pain and heartache.

Whitney: You know what, mom? If you would just -- just tell me, why are you so stuck on me avoiding music?

[Music plays]

eve: All i could tell if i fell under your spell it's just not a good world to be in. There's alcohol and drugs, casual sex. These are things that your father and I are trying to protect you and simone from.

T.C.: And this is the last time i'm warning you. You come around here again and if you cross me, it's on.

Chad: Don't worry. I'm out of here. Listen, I'm going to go for a walk. I'll pick up my car later.

Eve: Whitney -- now, where's theresa? I thought she was going to spend the night with us tonight.

Whitney: Theresa decided to move herself into the crane mansion.

T.C.: What?

Eve: She's not supposed to put herself through that kind of stress during her pregnancy.

Whitney: Well, I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn't listen to me.

Eve: Pilar thinks that theresa's spending the night with us. I think that we had better go and get her before she makes a bad situation worse.

Gwen: Ethan, no!

Ivy: Call an ambulance! My son's been shot!

Theresa: No, you can't be dead, ethan. Please! The gun went off by accident! Speak to me. Speak to me, please. Please.

[Ethan groans]

gwen: Oh, thank God.

Theresa: He's all right! He's all --

ethan: What happened?

Ivy: Phyllis -- phyllis, call the police. I'm having theresa arrested for attempted murder!

Theresa: I would never hurt ethan, ivy.

Ivy: What are you waiting for, phyllis? Call the police!

Phyllis: But this was all my fault! I got out my gun to defend the place against intruders, only mrs. Crane didn't want me to use it. She was taking it away from me when -- when everybody rushed in and it went off by mistake!

Ethan: Look, look, everybody calm down, all right? It was an accident. I'm -- i'm fine.

Theresa: I don't know what i would have done if i -- if you had been hurt, ethan, if you --

ivy: Oh! Save your tears, theresa, for the judge! I'm having you arrested.

Ah! Phyllis! Give me the phone or you are fired!

Theresa: You can't fire my maid, ivy.

Ivy: Your maid? Have you lost your mind? And what are you doing in my house?

Rebecca: Yeah, what are you doing in my house?

Theresa: I am defending my property, and you two ladies are trespassing.

Ivy: No, we're not!

Rebecca: No, this is our home!

Theresa: Oh, not anymore it's not. My baby and I are simply claiming what is legally ours.

Rebecca: Oh, yeah. A box in the barrio is the only thing you and that bambino of yours can claim!

Ivy: You are not a crane, theresa! You are nothing but a knocked-up, gold-digging claim-jumper!

Ethan: Look, stop attacking theresa, all right?

Rebecca: You give me that shotgun and I'll show you attacking.

Ethan: I think theresa is right. She does belong here. ус/зус R future now with new bayer women's aspirin plus calcium. - P

Singer: You are my passion for life

ivy: Ethan, you can't be serious!

Ethan: No, I couldn't be more serious. Look, theresa's pregnant. Her house is partially burned down. She has no place to stay.

Rebecca: Well, there's always the gutter, where she belongs.

Ethan: Well, I think she belongs here -- at least for tonight. We'll figure out what to do next tomorrow.

Rebecca: But --

ethan: Look, she obviously felt threatened. That's why she did what she did. And someone could've been hurt or worse. Look, I just want this nonsense to stop, all right? Theresa stays here. End of story.

T.C.: Whoa. Theresa, whitney told us you decided to move in here.

Theresa: Everything is fine, thanks to ethan.

Eve: Theresa, sweetheart, we want you to come home with us. I mean, living in what is clearly a stressful situation is not good for the baby.

Ivy: Oh, listen to your doctor, theresa. Go!

Rebecca: Yeah, and stay gone.

Theresa: I -- i really appreciate your offer, but ethan thin that I belong here, and I think that he's right.

Rebecca: Excuse me, mrs. Crane. I finished scrubbing the second floor with lye soap. Is there anything else you'd like me to do?

Theresa: Yes, scrub the first floor with a toothbrush.

Pilar: Yes, rebecca. Stop whining and get to work -- or get the whip.

Rebecca: Ye-- yes, ma'am.

Pilar: I should still give you 40 lashes for treating theresa so badly in the past.

Rebecca: What? No. No, please. Please. Oh, I -- i love to scrub.

Theresa: Mama, I have got a present for you. Mink is out this year. Chinchilla is in.

Pilar: Ooh.

Gracias, mija. Oh, I can't wait to show the girls at bingo how good you are to me.

[Theresa and pilar squeal]

pilar: Adios.

Theresa: Adios.

Ethan: Adios. Theresa, you are so generous. No wonder I love you so much. Mmm.

Gwen: Mrs. Crane, the baby's hungry.

Theresa: Oh, thank you, sister xamorada. I will nurse him.

Ethan: Thanks for helping out after the baby was born, but I -- i know now it's time for you to head back to the order.

Gwen: I do miss the other sisters in the convent.

Ethan: Oh -- oh, please, give this to the orphanage.

Gwen: Oh. God bless you, ethan. And you, too, theresa.

Ivy: Wipe that smirk off your face, theresa. You are here for one night and one night only.

Tabitha: What is it you want to show me?

[Tabitha gasps]

timmy: Princess. What is it? What does the scroll say the future holds?

Timmy: What's princess looking at?

Tabitha: The -- the scroll is merely confirming what i told you earlier -- that more evil is coming to harmony.

Timmy: Timmy was afraid of that.

Tabitha: Timmy should be. It's not a pretty sight. In fact, it's downright horrible.

Grace: I don't think you're in any position to blame tonight's little escapade on charity.

Kay: But --

zombie charity: Aunt grace, aunt grace, please, don't get mad at her. This really is my fault. I love miguel so much, aunt grace, sometimes it -- I just can't think straight. I'm sorry. I promise never to embarrass kay, myself, you, sam ever again.

Grace: Look, charity, I believe you.

Kay's voice: Mom would.

Grace: It's -- we need to talk more about this in the morning.

Zombie charity: Yes, ma'am.

Grace: I want both of you to go to bed right now. And do not come downstairs again.

Zombie charity: Good night.

Oh, aunt grace is as gullible as you are pathetic -- for chasing after a boy who doesn't want you.

Kay: He wouldn't want you, either, if he knew that you were nothing but a succubus trying to kill him.

Zombie charity: Give up, kay. Miguel is mine for the taking, and take him i'm going to.

Kay: Ugh!

Theresa: You're the one who better not get used to being here, ivy, because soon you'll be out on your you-know-what.

Ivy: Dream on, theresa.

Theresa: Hmm.

[Ivy coughs and gags]

ivy: Eth-- ethan! Theresa turned off the heat in my room again. Would you throw her out of the house before I catch my death of cold?

[Ivy coughs]

ethan: No, mother. Look, theresa is my wife, my one true love, and i have yet to forgive you for having security throw her out in the cold when she was pregnant.

Theresa: I think it's time we return the favor. Don't you?

Ethan: Anything for you, my pet.

Ethan: I am sorry, mother --

ivy: Oh!

Ethan: But I am showing you the door.

Ivy: Where will i go? What will I do?

Ethan: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Ivy: Oh --

[ivy screams]

theresa: Hmm.

[As sclett o'hara] after all, tomorrow is another day.

Whitney: What did you just say?

Theresa: [Normal voice] never mind, whitney. Ooh, hmm. I am exhausted. I think I'm going to sleep in ivy's room.

Ivy: Oh, no, you're not.

Theresa: Fine. Rebecca's room will do.

Rebecca: No way. You can stay in the maid's room.

Phyllis: I don't think so.

Theresa: Ivy, rebecca, you two can bunk together for all I care, but I won't settle for anything less than a main room.

Ethan: Look, hold it, all right? Body needs to be displaced. Theresa, you -- you can stay in the bedroom next to mine. It's not the biggest, but it has a beautiful view.

Theresa: I guess that will be ok.

Ethan: Good.

Whitney: I know what you're thinking, and gwen's not going to let you just have your way with ethan -- which wouldn't work anyway because he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

Theresa: That's going to change, whitney. Just wait and see.

T.C.: Honey, i'm ready to go.

Eve: Oh, I couldn't be more ready.

T.C.: Whit, let's go.

Ethan: Can I show you to your room?

Theresa: Absolutely. Good night, everyone.

Ivy: Theresa was just quoting scarlett o'hara a minute ago. I wonder what that's about.

Rebecca: I don't know. But you remember what happened to scarlett.

Ivy: Yeah, she lost the war. So what?

Rebecca: No, she lost a lot more than that. She lost her man and she lost her baby, all from falling down a flight of stairs.

Ivy: Oh. :"@

timmy: Timmy wonders why his princess isn't excited about all this new evil bound for harmony. She usually loves seeing people suffer.

Tabitha: Yes. Yes, i do, if they deserve it. Oh. Let's go and have a martimmy nightcap, huh, and then get some shuteye. Oh, it's been a long day.

Grace: So, how'd it go with miguel?

Sam: Pretty much as expected. We walked in on a teenage hormone attack.

Grace: Yeah, I got the same thing from the girls. But I -- i think there's something more going on.

Sam: What do you mean?

Grace: I think there's evil in the house.

Sam: Well, did you or charity have a premonition?

Grace: No.

Sam: Well, then, I don't think we have anything to worry about except for teenagers just being teenagers.

Grace: I hope you're right.

Sam: Come on.

Zombie charity: I am so sick of kay's stall tactics. I am going to have my way with miguel if it kills him -- which it will.

[Zombie charity laughs]

ethan: You can sleep here.

Gwen: I don't trust theresa one bit.

Ethan: I know it's not the biggest bedroom, but --

theresa: No, it's fine, really.

Ethan: Oh. Good. Well, good night.

Theresa: Good night.

Gwen: Sleep well.

Theresa: I'm sure i will.

Ethan: I need a good night's sleep after everything that happened today.

Gwen: Well, I'm sure you'll get it.

Gwen: So, good night.

Ethan: Good night.

Theresa: Oh. I bet gwen locked the door to keep me out. Well, it's a good thing I bought the loyalty of a certain maid. Now there's not a lock in this house that can keep me out.

Rebecca: Grace lost her baby falling down this very staircase. History could repeat itself with theresa.

Ivy: Hmm. Legalities aside, the strength of theresa's case for being mrs. Julian crane rests on the fact that she's pregnant with the pig's little piglet.

Rebecca: But if julian's baby was lost, then theresa would be out in the cold and we would be back in the gold.

Ivy: One little slip and it all slips away from the little bitch.

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