Passions Transcript Tuesday 8/21/01
Provided by Stephanie
Whitney: So when you say big, just tell me how big exactly. Like "spending too much money on clothes" big or "keeping Ethan's paternity a secret" big.
Theresa: Oh, this is bigger.
Theresa: Like I said, I am in big trouble, Whitney, and it's getting bigger by the minute.
Whitney: Well, then you need to tell me what's going on, honey, so I can help you out.
Theresa: We'll talk later, ok?
Whitney: Look, why don't --
Chad: So what were you and Theresa talking about?
Whitney: She just -- she just seemed so nervous, I wanted to make sure she was all right, that's all.
Chad: Well, Theresa seems fine to me.
Whitney: No. No, something is definitely wrong with her. Look, I've known her my whole life, and I'm telling you, she's in more trouble now than she's ever been in before.
Ethan: Theresa, I have an idea. Well, actually, it's more than just an idea. It's something i want to do, and I won't take no for an answer.
Theresa: What is it?
Ethan: Let's go to the 24-hour wedding chapel and get married tonight.
Theresa: Now? To-- tonight?
Ethan: Yeah. Why not? I mean, you already have a wedding ring. Theresa, this is it. I mean, it's what you've always talked about -- fate, destiny, and what's meant to be. Let's just -- we need to forget about waiting till we go back to Harmony. Let's get married tonight.
Julian: I married Theresa. Oh.
Theresa: I married Mr. Crane.
Bruce: Yeah, and I was your witness. You see? The judge gave me the marriage license for safekeeping since you two were so blotto. There it is in black and white -- Mr. And Mrs. Julian Crane.
Theresa: Oh. It's almost in range.
Miguel: Hey, Jessica, would you mind getting some more kindling, just in case?
Jessica: Sure, Miguel.
Reese: Now all we have to do is get this fire lit. The boat will see it, know we're here, our rescue's all but guaranteed.
Simone: There's no way that wood will burn after you soaked it with water.
Kay: Simone, I need more time to make sure Miguel makes love to me. The only way to get it was to stall our rescue.
Miguel: Ok, Reese, let's light this thing.
Charity: Oh --
Miguel: Charity, what's wrong? Are you having another premonition?
Charity: We're never getting off this island! We're doomed! We're all doomed!
Simone: If Charity's premonitions come true, it is your fault, Kay. All your fault
Tabitha: I tell you, Timmy, I never thought I'd be glad to see those bloody brats again, but I am now. And I think we successfully eluded Norma.
Jessica: Tabitha, where were you?
Tabitha: Oh, Timmy and I decided to take a little nature walk.
Jessica: Yeah, so I see. Anyway, while you were gone, I found someone else to help me collect wood for our rescue fire.
Tabitha: Oh, really? Who? Another group of stranded campers?
Jessica: No. Someone else. Come on.
Norma: Me. Norma.
Jessica: Norma, this is Tabitha.
Norma: What's with him? He looks dead.
Jessica: Oh, that's just -- that's Timmy, Tabitha's doll.
Jessica: She -- she takes him everywhere with her, right, Tabitha?
Tabitha: Eh --
Jessica: Anyway, can you believe my luck in finding someone else stranded on this island? You should have seen the others' faces when i brought Norma to the beach to meet them.
Norma: Oh, you know, that Reese boy called me sir.
Jessica: No, he didn't mean anything. He's just -- he's very nearsighted without his glasses.
Jessica: Anyway, not only was i lucky enough to find Norma here, but she has an ax. So she can help us with the wood that we need for our fire.
Tabitha: Oh, so lucky.
Norma: Pleasure's mine. Oh. Sorry about that. I forgot i was holding my trusted friend Betsy here. She goes everywhere with me -- kind of like your doll, I guess.
Jessica: Will you help me, Norma? I see he the the Miguel and Reese might be able to use for their fire. I don't think I can carry it all by myself, you know.
Norma: Anything i can do.
Jessica: Thank you.
Norma: Don't run off, you hear? I'll be right back.
Tabitha: We've had it, lad. This time we really are dead meat. [Tabitha groans] [Timmy whines]
June: Oh, I can't stand it! Why isn't the bomb exploding?
Basil: Oh, patience, Junie moon. It's going to blow any second. Bye-bye, Sheridan. Bye-bye, Luis. Julian Crane's about to owe us for a job well done.
Luis: Sheridan? Sheridan!
Sheridan: Luis! Luis!
Ethan: Theresa, let's go. And then we'll head down to the resort's wedding chapel and we'll do what we should have done back in Harmony. And Chad and Whitney are here to stand up for us, just as we planned.
Chad: What's with Theresa? I mean, why isn't she jumping at the chance to marry Ethan tonight?
Whitney: I don't know what's going on with her.
Chad: Did she tell you something? Whitney, what'd she say?
Whitney: Not a whole lot, Chad, but all I know is, is that something is not right.
Ethan: And don't tell me you don't have anything to wear. We'll just buy something. And besides, whatever you're wearing, you'll be the most beautiful bride the wedding chapel has ever seen.
Theresa: Ethan, it's -- well, it's --
Ethan: Theresa, what? I mean, you still want to marry me, don't you?
Theresa: Oh, God, yes. I mean, more than anything in the world.
Ethan: Well, ok, then. Let's go! Let's get this show on the road!
Theresa: I'm sorry. We just -- we can't get married. We just can't.
Timmy: Princess lied. She told Timmy once he found the kids, they'd be safe from Norma.
Tabitha: How was I to know daddy's little girl was going to find Jessica and make friends with her? That Norma's even more devious than i thought she was. How does a nut case like that get away with wandering around the world? She should be locked up somewhere so she can't hurt decent folks.
Timmy: Timmy thinks princess should stop talking now.
Tabitha: I'll stop talking when i finish, thank you very much.
Timmy: No, Timmy really really strongly suggests that --
Tabitha: Uh -- Norma.
Norma: You think I should be locked up somewhere, Tabitha?
Tabitha: Well -- no, that just didn't come out the way it was supposed to.
Norma: The hell it didn't! Did you hear what she said about me, daddy? [As father] no, don't listen to her, Norma. I mean, you're a dear, lovely, clever girl, not insane at all! But you have let me down along certain lines, you know? [Normal voice] oh. I'm sorry, father. I'll finish her and that doll of hers off tonight. I always knew there was something weird about him.
Timmy: Look who's talking!
Jessica: Oh. You know what I just realized? We don't have to scavenge around here for more wood. There's plenty back at the campsite.
Norma: Oh. Why don't we wait for you here then?
Jessica: Actually, I could use a little help -- if you don't mind. I just -- I don't know how much wood Miguel and Reese are going to need and --
Tabitha: Well, we'll all go.
Jessica: Oh, thanks. That'd be great.
Tabitha: We need to stick close to Jessica. Norma can't kill us while she's around. She won't want an eyewitness.
Miguel: Just calm down. Everything is going to be all right.
Charity: It's not!
Miguel: No, yes, it is. All right, we are going to light this fire so the next passing boat sees that we're here. We'll be rescued within hours.
Reese: He's right, Charity. Come over here and help me light this baby.
Miguel: You'll see. Ok, we're going to get picked up and we'll be back in Harmony in no time. And if you still feel like Theresa and Sheridan are in danger, well, we will track them down and warn them.
Simone: Look at her, Kay. She's totally freaked out, and she has a right to be. There's no way that fire will light after you poured all that water on the wood.
Kay: Simone, would you just chill out? It's really not that big of a deal.
Simone: We can all die on this island, and you're telling me not to be upset? You're horrible, Kay, despicable.
Kay: Sticks and stones may break my bones --
Simone: This is not a game, Kay. You're actually hoping that that story that Reese told you comes true. You want Charity to die so you can have Miguel all to yourself.
Kay: No. All I want is my fair shot with the guy that's supposed to be mine in the first place. Whatever happens to her happens.
Simone: Wrong, Kay. You're putting everyone in jeopardy because of your own you better hope that nothing happens to any of us because if it does, it's going to be on your conscience. And no one is going to forgive you, Kay, including me.
June: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I've never seen such a huge explosion.
Basil: Ho-ho, what'd I tell you, babe? Nobody's swimming away from this one. When Julian Crane foots the bill, you got to make sure the job gets done. Come here, come here, let me show you something. See how the dot on the screen gets brighter? It's reading the heat from the bomb going off. Pow! No more Sheridan Crane and Latino lover boy. That's all she wrote, folks. [Basil chuckles]
Tabitha: Just cut the bloody rope!
Timmy: With what?
Norma: My ax should do nicely. So I'll grab the matches. Then it's down the beach for a certain rescue.
Charity: Miguel, it's no use. No one's ever going to see that fire.
Miguel: Why not? I mean, we have plenty of wood.
Charity: No, you don't understand.
Simone: Think about what you're doing. If that fire doesn't light, we will never be rescued. Our last days like the lost episode on "Gilligan's island"
Kay: Don't be such a drama queen. We will get off the island eventually. I'm just making sure that it doesn't happen before it is such a beautiful day.
Luis: It's been incredible, hasn't it?
Luis: Ah, so my plan is working.
Sheridan: What plan I mean, figuratively speaking, of course!
Norma: [As father] oh, don't listen to them, buttercup. Timmy and Tabitha embarrassed you and disturbed my beauty sleep! You deserve revenge.
Timmy: What a wacko! .
Ethan: Why don't you want to get married tonight, Theresa?
Chad: Marrying Ethan's all Theresa ever wanted, and now he's ready to take the plunge and she's not? Whitney, is there something you ain't telling me?
Ethan: Theresa, why don't you want to get married?
Julian: Perhaps I could explain.
Ethan: Julian, forgive me, but this is between Theresa and me.
Julian: Oh, I realize that. No one is more keenly aware of my lack of standing in your life these days. I -- although I'm not your father, I do wish you would listen to me because I think I know what's going on here.
Ethan: What is it you want to say?
Julian: Well, from what I understand, a woman's wedding day is perhaps one of the most sacred occasions of her -- of her lifetime. It must be special, as it's going to be remembered forever.
Ethan: Well, it's important to some husbands, too.
Julian: Yes, I'm sure it is. But it's different with the female of the species, especially a young lady like Theresa, who I'm sure has been fantasizing about the wedding of her dreams for years. Theresa's marriage means the world to her. She's spent her entire life waiting for the big day. The last thing she wants is to have it thrown together like some spur-of-the-moment hand of poker. The bride wants -- she deserves to savor every moment, every detail of the happy occasion. It must be a perfect day. And in Theresa's case, I'm sure that means being married in a church, not some 24-hour discount wedding chapel. For God's sake, the young lady's mother isn't even here.
Theresa: I -- I do wish mama were here.
Ethan: Look, Theresa, so do I. And listen, I promise that when we get back to Harmony, we'll have another ceremony in the church with father Lonigan and everyone we know and love to be there. But tonight is just for us, you know, to officially put all the bad things behind us, to seal our love with a legal marriage license.
Theresa: Ethan --
Ethan: Theresa, on the way down here I promised myself that as soon as i saw you i would do whatever i could to prove my love to you. And I think this is the best way. Please, Theresa. Please marry me tonight.
Jessica: Whoo. I wonder where Norma went.
Tabitha: Yes, I was wondering that myself.
Jessica: She probably just went to go chop up more kindling. Wasn't it lucky finding someone with their own ax?
Tabitha: Oh, yes, quite fortuitous -- not.
Norma: Looking for me?
Jessica: We were. Listen, I'm going to go to help, you guys can just get the rope ready to tie up when we get back.
Tabitha: Oh, no! No.
Jessica: Why not?
Tabitha: Well -- well, there's no way you could carry all that wood down on your own. No, I'll -- I'll help you.
Jessica: It's ok. I can get the wood. Why don't you just -- you stay here and help Norma. I won't be long.
Norma: Yeah. Listen, you do what you need to do. Tabitha -- that's your name, isn't it? Well, we'll use this time to get better acquainted. People tell me I'm a real cutup once you get to know me. [Norma laughs]
Simone: This is worse than a mortal sin, Kay. This is pure evil.
Kay: What are you, some kind of a saint in training or something? Preach your sermon to someone who cares, ok?
Simone: I'm trying to save you from doing something that you're going to regret.
Kay: Why should i have any regrets when I'm not doing anything wrong? All I'm trying to do is be with the man that I love.
Simone: By sabotaging the rest of us so we can't get off of this island? By hoping that Charity dies?
Kay: For the last time, Simone, I am not hoping anything. I'm just trying to buy myself some time to be with Miguel. I mean, he would be my boyfriend already if Charity hadn't come to Harmony.
Simone: But she did come to Harmony, and he is her boyfriend, not yours. The only way that you're going to spend eternity with Miguel is if Charity's premonition comes true and we all die on this island tonight.
Reese: That boat's getting closer. We better get this fire lit.
Miguel: Believe me now? Ok, as soon as we get these flames high enough, the people on that boat are going to see us and they'll get us off this island in no time.
Charity: We're never getting off the island alive, Miguel. Never. .
Ethan: I don't get this at all. Is there some other reason you don't want to get married?
Theresa: Oh, of course not. It's what Julian said. And I miss mama and I just -- I can't get married without mama.
Ethan: Yes, but look, I told you, as soon as we get back to Harmony, we'll have a ceremony with all the bells and whistles.
Theresa: Oh, I know, Ethan. It just doesn't feel right.
Ethan: I can't believe you're saying that. I was so sure this was what you wanted.
Theresa: Oh, it is. More than you know. It's just the timing.
Ethan: This is funny. I mean, you're the one who's always going on about people's destinies. And on the flight down here, I suddenly got the strangest feeling that if we didn't get married tonight, we might never do it.
Theresa: Oh, don't say that!
Ethan: Look, I'm sorry to scare you, but I'm just telling you how I feel. Theresa, do this for me. Let's just get dressed, we'll run down to the chapel, we'll find a justice of the peace and make our love legal. And God forbid something happens. This might be our last chance.
Theresa: I can't say no to you, Ethan. Let's just get married!
Julian: What the hell does she think she's doing?
Tabitha: You -- you can't chop our heads off now. Jessica will be back any minute.
Norma: Ah, you can forget about her. She can't help you. So she comes back and finds a headless hag and a broken doll. Well, well, thanks to me and Betsy here, I'll be making the world a safer place.
Miguel: That's weird. It's not lighting.
Reese: Try over on this side.
Miguel: Why isn't it lighting?
Reese: I don't know. It should catch. We built it just like they showed us in the boy scouts. The density-to-airflow ratio is perfect.
Miguel: Look, all I know is that we've got to get this fire lit before the boat passes by.
Reese: Hold on, let me try something. It's wet!
Miguel: What are you talking about? It hasn't rained.
Reese: Well, I -- all the wood is completely soaked with water.
Miguel: How the hell did that happen?
Kay: I bet I know. The weight of the kindling probably pushed the pile down into the sand, causing the seawater to seep up into it.
Reese: No, honey, I never heard anything like that. Besides, we were careful to build the fire far enough away from the shoreline.
Kay: Well, what else could it be? [Charity moans]
Miguel: What is it? Charity? [Charity gasps]
Charity: Sheridan and Luis have been in an explosion. They're gone, Miguel. Didn't you see the fire?
Basil: The weather channel says there's a big storm coming this way. Good thing we exploded the island dream when we did. You know, they misnamed the lovers' charter boat. They should have called it island nightmare. [Basil laughs]
Tabitha: Close your eyes, Timmy. It's best not too look.
Jessica: Norma, can you help -- oh, can you help me with this wood? You think it's enough?
Norma: Oh. Yes, yes, I should think so.
Jessica: Oh, can you help me tie it up?
Norma: Of course, dear.
Jessica: Thank you.
Tabitha: Oh. That was too close for comfort.
Timmy: What are Timmy and tabby going to do now?
Tabitha: Well, I haven't quite worked that out yet, Timmy.
Timmy: Timmy thinks Timmy and tabby should make a run for the woods and try to hide.
Tabitha: Oh, no. Anything but that.
Timmy: Why not?
Tabitha: That's why. Oh, Timmy, the warlocks are restless. They haven't forgiven me for ruining their evil plan to wipe out all humanity.
Timmy: But princess didn't know she was giving them the wrong scepters.
Tabitha: Oh, they don't care about an innocent mistake. They hate me. No matter where we hid in the woods, they'd find us and kill us with their supernatural powers.
Timmy: But Norma's going to kill Timmy and tabby with her ax.
Miguel: We need to get her a blanket, Reese. She's freezing.
Reese: You know, maybe we should just take her back to camp. I'll light another fire there. That'll warm her up. [Boat horn sounds]
Miguel: What about the boat? It's going to by passing by in a few minutes. We've got to find a way to let them know we're here.
Reese: Well, I don't know how if i can't get the fire to light.
Miguel: You're right. The most important thing right now is Charity.
Reese: I don't understand it. How the heck did all this wood get soaked?
Kay: All right. I just bought myself all the time I'm going to need to get Miguel.
Simone: No, you just bought us all a death sentence. Now we're not even going to make it back in time to tell Theresa and Sheridan of Charity's premonitions.
Kay: Premonitions my foot. Simone, she's probably just trying to get attention. And, besides, even if there is some truth to them, it doesn't matter anyway. She already said it's too late for Theresa, so we can't do anything to help her.
Simone: You're all heart, Kay.
Chad: Well, whatever's hanging Theresa up can't be that bad or else she wouldn't have said ok to the wedding.
Whitney: Yeah, I guess.
Chad: Hey. You guys want us to meet you at the chapel?
Ethan: You know what? I got a better idea. Theresa's got to get ready anyway, so that'll give me some time to make some special arrangements at the chapel. Do you mind joining me, Chad?
Chad: Hey, what are best mans for?
Ethan: All right. Theresa, I want to make this ceremony as special as I can for you.
Theresa: Oh, it's already the most special night of my life because you want to marry me.
Ethan: All right. I guess we better get going.
Ethan: Well, it looks like a beauty of a storm is brewing.
Chad: Well, at least the chapel is on the grounds, so we don't have to go so far.
Chad: See you guys.
Whitney: Well, I guess we'd better get you something to wear then.
Julian: Whitney, that'll have to wait. I need to speak to Theresa now, alone.
Whitney: Something is going on. I just wish I knew what it was.
Theresa: Well, I hope Sheridan and Luis made it back. I mean, I would hate for them to be out at sea when the storm blows in.
Julian: I'm sure they're fine. Probably on their way back to the room right now. But I didn't bring you out here to talk about them. Why the hell did you tell Ethan that you'd marry him when you're already married to me?
Julian: In case you've forgotten, we were married last night in the very same chapel that Ethan is so anxious to get you to.
Theresa: I know, but --
Julian: But nothing! We may be down on a tropical desert island, but bigamy is against the law here, too. If you marry Ethan, you will go to prison.
Theresa: Oh, my God! Oh, what am I going to do?
Julian: You have no choice. You have to go ahead with the marriage to Ethan.
Theresa: But you just said that --
Julian: I know! I wasn't thinking! You've painted yourself into a corner. Now that you've agreed to marry him, if you pull out, it'll send up way too many red flags. You go ahead and you marry Ethan and I'll figure out how we can have our marriage annulled.
Theresa: Can you really do that?
Julian: I can do anything i want. I'm Julian Crane.
Theresa: But even if you get our marriage annulled, it won't be till after i marry Ethan. That means that my marriage to him won't be legal.
Julian: Well, your marriage tonight won't be, but who's to know that except for you and me? Once you get back to Harmony, you can the church wedding you've always dreamed of, and no one but you will know that you weren't legally husband and wife before then.
Theresa: Do you really think it can work?
Julian: Well, it better, for both our sakes. Yes. I'll have our marriage dissolved and we'll both be in the clear.
Theresa: Julian, thank you. Thank you.
Julian: Oh, well. It was fun while it lasted. Rebecca would have my head on a platter, not to mention other body parts.
Whitney: So, what was that all about, Theresa?
Theresa: Mr. Crane was just giving me some advice.
Whitney: Since when is Julian Crane your dear Abby?
Julian: Oh. If you ladies will excuse me, I have a few things to take care of. [Door closes]
Whitney: Theresa, what is going on with you and Julian Crane? And why are you hiding that dress under your robe? Tell me what's going on here.
Theresa: Oh. Oh, whoo. [Julian chuckles] [Theresa sighs]
Bruce: Ha! Where's the little lady?
Julian: Will you shut --
Bruce: Don't tell me the honeymoon's already over.
Julian: Shut up! God. Just tell me what the hell I'm going to do.
Bruce: What are you talking about? You just got hitched to a beautiful babe, and you obviously consummated the marriage last night, if you know what i mean.
Julian: You know, this is all your fault. You should have stopped me from marrying the girl.
Bruce: Do I look like your mother to you? Don't tell me your ex-son found out you married his fiancée. [Bruce laughs]
Julian: Not yet. In fact, Ethan is pressing Theresa to marry him tonight. [Bruce laughs]
Bruce: That's beautiful. You got a problem, buddy.
Reese: I'll get a fire going. That ought to warm her up.
Miguel: Yeah, let's just hope this wood's not wet, too.
Reese: You know, I still can't figure out what the heck happened to that wood down at the beach.
Jessica: What happened? I thought you guys were down at the beach trying to signal the boat.
Miguel: Charity's not feeling too hot, and besides that, we couldn't get the fire lit.
Jessica: Why not?
Reese: Well, somehow, all the wood down there got completely soaked with water. We just can't figure out how. It's as if fate was conspiring to keep us from getting rescued.
Jessica: Yeah, something like that.
Reese: There she goes.
Miguel: You'll be feeling better in no time. [Charity moans]
Miguel: What is it?
Charity: All of us, every single one of us is going to die.
Basil: The storm's going to be on us in no time. You see anything moving out there in the water?
June: Nothing. No sign of life.
Basil: Excellent. Julian Crane will be pleased. He may even throw a few more jobs our way.
June: I don't know who's sicker, you for enjoying our work or him for killing his own sister.
Basil: It's a living, baby cakes.
Charity: All of the pain and suffering, Miguel, it's horrible.
Miguel: Who are you seeing?
Charity: Your sister, Theresa, Sheridan and Luis, even Tabitha and her doll -- all of us! No one of us is going to make it!
Miguel: Charity, Charity, you have to try to calm down, ok? Come on. Just put your head on my shoulder, close your eyes.
Simone: You must be very proud, Kay. If Charity's premonitions are on the money and we're all doomed, it'll be all your fault for pouring water on the S.O.S. Fire down at the beach.
Kay: Simone, stop being such a worrywart, ok?
Norma: Pain? Suffering? I don't know about the others, but the blonde girl's dead-on about you two.
Ethan: Go ahead and say it, Chad.
Chad: Say what?
Ethan: That I'm an idiot for thinking that Theresa and I wouldn't pull this off. I just don't know why I thought that something was going to get in the way of us getting married.
Chad: Well, it hasn't exactly been easy going.
Ethan: Yeah, but that was my fault. But now that I've come to my senses, I can see that the most important thing is to marry the woman I love. And that, my friend, is exactly what I'm going to do tonight. Theresa and I are going to be husband and wife.
Julian: You know, you can stop anytime.
Bruce: Oh, hey, I don't think so. What is it, two -- two marriages in the same chapel in what, about 12 hours? This Theresa chick is really trying to set some kind of a record. And you know the best part? Marriage number two is to your ex-son! What is it they say about keeping it all in the family?
Julian: Would you just shut up! Help me figure out what I'm going to do?
Bruce: I'm sorry, buddy, but my mind's a blank. I think your goose is royally cooked. [Bruce laughs]
Theresa: How did this happen?
Whitney: How did what happen, Theresa? What in the world is going on here, and what does it have to do with Julian Crane? Just tell me.
Theresa: I can't, Whitney.
Whitney: Well, from the looks of it, you really need to open up to somebody.
Theresa: I would if i could.
Whitney: All right. All right, fine. Don't tell me. I guess we'd better just get you dressed for the wedding, huh? You going to wear that or what?
Theresa: No. No.
Whitney: Why not? Theresa, what is the deal with that dress anyway? I've never seen it before.
Theresa: It's new.
Whitney: Hmm. Kind of revealing, too, isn't it? Yeah, I guess this isn't something that you would get married in.
Theresa: Oh, yes, it is.
Whitney: Now, what is that supposed to mean?
Whitney: All right, since you're not telling me anything, Theresa, maybe i should just ask Ethan what he thinks about you hiding a really sexy dress under your robe.
Theresa: Ooh, Whitney, don't! Fine. I'll tell you the whole story.
Whitney: Just let it out. Why did you call this a wedding dress?
Theresa: Because I've already been married in it.