Passions Update Thursday August 2/01
Tabitha: Oh, no! [Timmy cries]
Norma: Fooled you, didn't i? I'm the captain of this here vessel, and I say off with your heads!
Tabitha: Oh, don't look, Timmy! Don't look!
Norma: See, father? I told you i wouldn't let you down. [As father] there's my little buttercup. Off with their heads!
Timmy: Timmy will see his princess in the afterlife, he hopes! [Timmy cries]
Reese: You know, I wonder if we'll hear any warlocks screaming in the night while we're here.
Reese: Hey, don't blame me. Your dad's the one that told us the story about how warlock island got its name, how a coven of warlocks came here to organize the destruction of all good in the world, starting with Harmony, and how one young witch messed everything up by bringing them the wrong scepters and blew them off the island before they could even get started on their reign of havoc. But it's said that to this day, sometimes at night, you can still hear their screams and moans. I wonder if we'll be that lucky.
Simone: Gee, I can't wait.
Jessica: Come on, Reese. We're here to chill out, you know, not to be freaked out by old legends. You know, and I for one, if i hear one real noise, I'm out of here.
Miguel: Don't listen to him, jess. All right, you know how Reese is. He keeps his V.C.R. Permanently tuned to the psychic network.
Kay: He means psycho.
Miguel: You know, if you ask me, I think Reese has ulterior motives here. I think he figures if he gets Kay scared enough, she'll leave her tent and jump right into his sleeping bag. [Simone giggles]
Kay: Wrong sleeping bag, Miguel. I'm going to be jumping into yours.
Sheridan: You think I could have one more wish?
Luis: Oh, why not. I'm feeling generous tonight.
Sheridan: I wish I could capture the way I feel right this second and keep it alive for the rest of my life.
Luis: Sweetheart, you just wasted a wish. It's going to be like this forever.
Sheridan: Is it true, Luis? I mean, do we really get to stay this happy?
Luis: Sheridan, you can and you will. Our lives are going to be like this forever.
Alistair: Sell a hundred thousand shares to the pharmaceuticals and put double that into the doughnut stock. I'm not interested in your expert opinion, damn it. You're my broker. Do as I say. I'll call you back. How did I ever get such a sissy for a son? Be a man, Julian.
Julian: Beg your pardon, father.
Alistair: Well, you're pacing so much you'll wear a hole in that carpet. If you're not up to the task at hand, tell me now.
Julian: I said I'd take care of it, and i will. Sheridan will die in a boating explosion. If Luis survives -- and I doubt he will -- he'll blame himself for her death and wither away from a broken heart. I have it all worked out.
Alistair: You'd better. Because if your sister doesn't end up dead, you will.
Theresa: I have got to convince Julian to reinstate Ethan as his son. It's my only hope of making up for what I did to him.
Clerk: Welcome to the resort. May I help you?
Theresa: Yes, please. My name is Theresa Lopez Fitzgerald, and I have a reservation.
Clerk: Very well. I'll have the bellhop fetch the rest of your bags from outside.
Theresa: Oh, no, that's ok. I only brought this. I'm only staying one night.
Clerk: I see. You must be the one who asked about Mr. Julian crane on the phone. Would you like me to call his room and tell him you've arrived?
Theresa: Oh, no. That's ok. I thought it might be better if I surprised him.
Grace: What does the fax say, Sam?
David: I can tell you what it says without even looking at it. It says David Hastings and Grace Standish were legally married by an ordained priest in the st. Anastasia church in Hartford, Connecticut, over 20 years ago.
Eve: Sam, say something.
Grace: Oh, my God, it's true.
David: That's what I've been telling you all along, sweetheart. You're my wife.
Grace: It -- it can't be.
David: Your real name is Hastings, not Bennett. We were married on a beautiful spring day in a church that we attended every Sunday. You looked so beautiful in a simple white dress that you picked up a few weeks before. Our friend Jack was our witness -- my best man. He tied all these tin cans to the back of our beat-up old car, and we had a devil of a time getting it off on our way to the cape. You were so mad at him. Do you remember, Grace? Is it coming back to you?
Simone: Stop it, Kay.
Kay: Stop what?
Simone: I know what you're thinking, and you can forget it. That story that Reese told you about the two cousins in love with the Same guy? It was a legend, not a glimpse into your future.
Kay: The cousin that had the psychic powers was tragically killed when she was on the island.
Simone: Charity is not going to die on this trip, Kay.
Kay: Well, we'll just see about that, won't we, Simone?
[Timmy and Tabitha scream]
Norma: Agh! Damn you!
Timmy: Good one, princess! [Norma groans]
Timmy: That was too close for Timmy's comfort.
Tabitha: Come on, Timmy! We got to get out of here. [Norma groans and screams]
Timmy: A left! No, a right! Double back and trick her! [Timmy and Tabitha scream]
Norma: Oh, you've got that right, small fry! And you're about to become even smaller.
Timmy: Uh --
Norma: Oh, what's that you say?
Timmy: Timmy didn't say anything. Did you, princess?
Norma: Speak up, father. I can't hear you. [As father] I said chop them into pieces and feed them to the fish! [Normal voice] oh, no sooner said than done, daddy.
Timmy: Ah! Good-bye, sweet princess! Good-bye, princess. Good-bye, princess.
Tabitha: Hey, hey, hey, wake up, lad, wake up! Whatever are you dreaming about?
Timmy: Is this heaven? Is Timmy in heaven with his princess?
Tabitha: Oh, good grief, no. We're alive, if not that well. And let me tell you, if we were in the afterlife, we would not be in heaven.
Timmy: Timmy almost forgot he was an apprentice to a witch. But if Timmy and tabby are alive, where's Norma?
Tabitha: Breathing down our necks on deck last time i looked. Any luck, she's still on the boat. I wouldn't put anything past that one.
Timmy: Timmy had the most horrible dream. Norma was about to chop Timmy's head off, and --
Tabitha: As one who's had her head chopped off in the past, i can tell you it wasn't fun.
Timmy: That was an accident. Timmy apologized.
Tabitha: Yes, well, never mind. Now we just have to keep that big old Norma from finding us.
Timmy: Maybe she went home.
Tabitha: No, no. Even if she wanted to, daddy wouldn't let her. And he told her to kill us. And she has a thing about letting daddy down. Freud would have a field day with that one.
Timmy: Timmy doesn't know who Freud is, but Timmy thinks Norma definitely has problems.
Tabitha: And so do we with her after us. She's determined not to go home without our heads in that bag of hers along with daddy's. Come on. Let's go.
Norma: Don't worry, father. They won't get away from me again. [As father] I should hope not, Norma. I'd be very, very disappointed in you if you were to let me down. I might not never speak to you again. [Normal voice] oh! Oh! [Norma cries]
Sheridan: Oh, I could dance in your arms like this all night.
Luis: Well, that's impossible because we've got to eat dinner and then get ready for bed and get ready for our big day tomorrow.
Sheridan: Big day? Well, I thought we'd have breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed and put the "do not disturb" sign on the door.
Luis: Well, how about we do that the day after? No, seriously, i do have plans for us tomorrow morning.
Sheridan: Really? What?
Luis: My lips are sealed.
Sheridan: Oh, come on. You cannot hold out on me.
Sheridan: I can't stand the suspense. What are we going to do?
Luis: You know, I can't keep anything from you. All right. I chartered a private boat for us tomorrow.
Luis: Yeah, yeah, I thought it'd be fun to pack a picnic and do some island-hopping and -- or we can swim and fish and maybe find a little secluded cove where we can do some other activities.
Sheridan: Sounds heavenly. But a private boat for the whole day -- that must be so expensive.
Luis: Oh, so what if it is? You're my bride-to-be. We're on our pre-honeymoon honeymoon, and I want everything to be as magical as possible. Heck, you only live once, right?
Sheridan: If life is this wonderful, then I don't mind at all.
Luis: Neither do I.
Julian: It's all under control, father.
Alistair: How often have you said that in the past and then proceeded to royally bollix things up?
Julian: It won't happen this time. I've worked everything out to the smallest detail. See, a while back, Sheridan mentioned that Luis fancied himself quite the rod-and-reel man.
Alistair: Oh, a fisherman, eh? He must have inherited that from his father.
Julian: Apparently, he's dreamed of owning his own sea craft for years, which is why I took the liberty of placing a private boat charter brochure in his and Sheridan's honeymoon suite.
Julian: Luis took the bait, so to speak, exactly as I knew he would. He's reserved a small boat for tomorrow. He and Sheridan will be out at sea all day by themselves.
Alistair: You just make sure the job is done this time. You've already wasted enough time lollygagging about.
Julian: Doesn't it bother you at all, father, ordering the death of your own daughter?
Alistair: Oh, grow up, Julian. How many times do I have to tell you that as a Crane male this is just one of life's unpleasant but necessary duties. I've more important things to concern myself with than Sheridan's longevity. Which reminds me -- I told my broker I'd call him back. I'll check in with you later, Julian.
Julian: That's right. Distance yourself so I'm the only one who gets his hands dirty.
Alistair: I heard that, Julian.
Julian: Father, I didn't mean --
Alistair: Oh, yes, you did. And you're quite right. It is your neck if we get caught, but you deserve the risk. If you'd done the job correctly the first time, you wouldn't be in this boat. Get it? Boat. [Alistair chuckles]
Alistair: I made a joke, son.
Julian: Yes, father.
Alistair: And one more thing. I'm well aware of your penchant for drinking too much and grabbing at nubile young girls whenever the opportunity presents itself. But not on this trip, Julian. I don't care if the entire cheerleading squad from the local high school invites you to be their mascot. You need to concentrate on the task at hand and keep little Julian in his pants until you get home to Rebecca. Is that understood?
Julian: Yes, father.
Theresa: "Mr. Crane, if you could just welcome Ethan back into the family, well, then, I think that he would forgive me and we could get married the way we were supposed to." Ugh. No. No, that -- that -- should I drop -- I should drop that part as myself. I mean, he'll think I'm being selfish. All right. I'm going to figure out what I'm going to say to Mr. Crane when I'm face to face with him. Ok.
Julian: Oh, Theresa, Theresa. [Theresa screams]
Theresa: And Mr. Crane claimed that it was a case of the wrong room key. But -- well, maybe I shouldn't go to his room by myself. Ok. Yes. I was wondering if Mr. Crane has gone downstairs. Reservations for dinner in the dining room? Thank you very much. Ok. That's it. I will approach him in public. I mean, that way nothing can happen. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Dinner downstairs is fancy, and I don't have anything to wear.
Grace: Oh, my God.
David: It is, isn't it? You're starting to remember.
Sam: Don't put words in her mouth, Hastings. How can it come back to her when it never happened?
David: What are you talking about? You have mine and Grace's marriage license. What more proof do you need?
Sam: A hell of a lot more than a fax. Look, I don't know how you rigged this to make it look real, but it can't possibly be true.
David: What you say, doctor? He made you run a psychological profile on me to prove that i was crazy. The test results showed i wasn't. But that wasn't enough. So he forced a lie detector test upon me, which i passed with flying colors. Now he has my marriage certificate sent to him by the public records department from the state of Connecticut, which confirms everything that I've said. What is your considered opinion, doctor?
Grace: Sam, do you remember just after we got married how desperately i wanted to find out about my past?
Sam: Yeah. We did everything.
Grace: And when we came up empty, i had to accept that my past was gone forever, and it was excruciating at first. But as time went by and you and I built a beautiful life and family together, it was all just so unimportant. I almost stopped wanting to know because we were so happy. What do we do now?
Theresa: Ok. This is pretty. And it's my size. Ooh. Oh, this is just too low cut.
Sales Clerk: May I help you?
Theresa: I was just looking for something to wear to dinner tonight.
Sales Clerk: I remember you. Weren't you here just about a year ago with a very handsome young man?
Theresa: Wow. You have an amazing memory.
Sales Clerk: You must be on your honeymoon. I had the feeling you two were more than friends.
Theresa: Oh, well, you are right about that, but, no, we're not married. Well, at least not yet. I mean, he's not even down here with me.
Sales Clerk: I'm sorry.
Theresa: I flew down here by myself to talk to someone else. Now, depending on how that goes, well, I hope Ethan and I -- that's the man that you saw with me last year -- I hope we'll be married by the end of this week.
Sales Clerk: Then we'd better find you just the right dress for your talk.
Sales Clerk: What were you looking for?
Theresa: Something conservative, simple. These are all -- these look a little risqué.
Sales Clerk: There's a reason for that. We cater to a lot of honeymooners here.
Theresa: I know. I just don't think these type of dresses would be appropriate for the person that I'm going to have dinner with tonight.
Sales Clerk: Oh, don't be silly. Whoever it is, they won't be able to keep their eyes off you in any one of these. I think this is the last one in your size.
Theresa: Well, I do need a dress. Thanks. I just hope it's only Mr. Crane's eyes that he can't keep off of me.
Alistair: I mean it, Julian. Hands off the cute little island girls while you're down here getting your divorce from Ivy and taking care of your sister. Besides, it won't be long before you're married to the always hot-to-trot Rebecca.
Julian: You know, father, I've been thinking about that.
Alistair: Don't tell me you're having second thoughts.
Julian: Oh, about divorcing Ivy, no, no, of course not, but -- well, rushing into marriage with Rebecca -- I feel that I deserve a little quality bachelor time.
Alistair: Forget about it. The last time you were single, you got yourself mixed up with the most inappropriate woman imaginable.
Alistair: You got her pregnant. We're still paying for that mistake. Oh, no, no, you'll marry Rebecca as soon as possible. And meanwhile, think with your head, not with your little you-know-what.
Julian: To hell with you, father! I'm a grown man. I'll bed whomever I like whenever i like. What was the name of that cute little thing i met last year on the island?
Julian: Hello. Is Charmin in? Oh. Married and expecting her first child -- how nice for her. No. No message. The bar. I'll find myself a lovely little nymphet at the hotel bar.
Sam: Grace, you want to know what to do now? You ignore this because it's nothing. This marriage certificate isn't worth the fax paper it's printed on.
Grace: But --
Sam: No, no buts. Grace, i am your husband, not Hastings here -- the man you never laid eyes on till he came to town and tried to run a lousy game on you.
Grace: I just don't know what to think anymore.
David: Don't get upset.
Sam: You, back off! She is my wife.
David: You know, I just don't get it. Why can't you both see what's written plainly in black and white? You're a cop. You're a doctor. You're both trained to look at the facts and draw conclusions based on what you see.
Eve: Well, it could be proof, or it could just be a piece of paper with names and dates.
David: Oh, come on.
Sam: Or a coincidence or a mistake or this guy's sick scheme to get Grace away from me. The one thing I don't buy is this as proof that you're married to Grace.
David: Grace, look at it again. Look at your signature.
Grace: It's my signature.
Eve: And it's your blood type.
Grace: God, and it's got my birth date and my middle name, which I never knew before.
Timmy: Tabitha! Tabitha -- ow! Timmy's being eaten alive by giant black flies.
Tabitha: Shh! You mustn't utter my name as long as we're on this devil-forsaken island. The warlocks must not find out that I'm here.
Timmy: Does Tabitha think they're still upset at her for giving them the wrong scepters and sending them to another dimension?
Tabitha: Listen, listen, I'd appreciate it if you don't bring up that subject as long as we're here. Just know that if the warlocks spot me they'll skin me alive.
Timmy: What's worse, princess, being skinned alive by warlocks or chopped into bits by Norma?
Tabitha: Really, I'm not looking forward to either one of them, which is why we have to find the brats' campsite, because no one will hurt us in front of witnesses.
Norma: Oh, I've got them now, father. They won't get away this time.
Reese: Hey, there's Tabitha and her doll. Over here, Tabitha!
Tabitha: For Hades' sake! Does he have to bellow out my name like that? [Noise]
Timmy: What was that?
Tabitha: I don't know, but I don't think it bodes well for you and I.
Tabitha: Will you stop shouting out my name?
Reese: What's the matter, Tabitha? Who are you afraid's going to hear us? Warlocks? Ooh.
Tabitha: Of course not. I was just thinking of the little woodland creatures. They're not used to loud noises. It scares them.
Reese: How do you know? Have you been talking to them?
Miguel: Hey, lay off, Reese. Tabitha, what are you doing here?
Tabitha: Oh, I'm glad you asked, Miguel, because I was thinking, and I decided that you young people could probably use a chaperone.
Miguel: You know, no offense, but the last time you came on a camping trip with us everyone almost died.
Reese: Yeah, at the mineshaft, remember, Tabitha?
Tabitha: Stop saying my name!
Reese: Tabitha! Tabitha! Tabi--
Miguel: Chill out.
Norma: Oh. They can't hide behind the kids forever. As soon as they're alone, I'll chop their heads off. [As father] that's my little buttercup. [Normal voice] oh.
Julian: Bellboy, tell me, is there nothing in this place but lovesick young honeymooners?
Bellhop: Well, it is our clientele, sir, along with those that come to the island to get a divorce.
Julian: Oh, for God's sake.
Bellhop: Although i did see one pretty young woman check in by herself a little while ago. I had the feeling she wasn't here for either reason.
Julian: Really? What's her room number?
Bellhop: Sorry, sir, I couldn't say.
Julian: Yes. Ahem.
Luis: I'd like to order a picnic basket for two for a boating trip tomorrow.
Clerk: Well, of course, sir. Will the honeymooner champagne basket be satisfactory?
Luis: That sounds great. And -- well, I'll be by and pick it up in the morning. Thanks.
Clerk: You're welcome.
Julian: Oh, God. The last champagne that will cross my poor sister's lips.
Theresa: I hope this works. My entire future with Ethan depends on what happens with Julian tonight.
Clerk: Sir? I thought you might like to see a young lady who's been asking after you.
Julian: Oh, I most certainly would. Where is she?
Clerk: She just stepped onto the elevator.
Julian: Drat. That's all right. The night is still young and full of surprises -- nubile young surprises.
Sam: Hey, stop jumping to conclusions. Just because David says so doesn't mean the information is true, like your middle name -- we don't know if it's Marie.
David: It is. You used to sign your name Grace Marie Hastings. You loved your middle name.
Sam: Will you do me a favor and just shut up. Now, i promise you I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm going to call the records department in Hartford and see if this is a true facsimile of a marriage certificate they have on file there. Sure, your signature looks real, but it also could be a good forgery. Is Grace's blood type uncommon?
Eve: No. Not at all.
Sam: That's exactly what I thought. If someone was motivated, it wouldn't be hard to get your blood type or to learn how to sign your name or to make up a middle name. It is a scam, Grace, a cruel and twisted scam.
David: I would never do that to you, Grace. I love you.
Tabitha: We've got to get off this island but fast.
Timmy: But what about Norma? Princess knows Norma's just waiting to sink her ax into Timmy and tabby's skulls.
Tabitha: We'll just have to take our chances, Timmy. I was hoping the warlocks weren't around, but it's clear that they are.
Timmy: How can tabby tell?
Tabitha: Well, for one thing, they're getting to Kay, making her instinct to do bad things even stronger than usual. And I can hear them moaning every time anyone mentions my name out loud. I'll tell you one thing, if they get to Norma, she'll become even more violent than she already is.
Timmy: But that's impossible, Tabitha!
Tabitha: Shh! I told you not to mention my name. [Moaning]
Jessica: What was that strange sound?
Reese: I don't know. You know, I was just teasing Tabitha before, but I bet I was on the right track. I bet it is the warlocks, and they're not happy to have visitors on their island.
Jessica: Come on, Reese. That's not even funny.
Miguel: You know, jess, don't listen to him. It was probably just a -- an airplane.
Tabitha: Whatever you do, don't say my name out aloud again. If the warlocks realize that i am actually here, it won't be a pretty scene, Timmy. They hate me more than anyone, even Hecuba.
Timmy: Timmy's beginning to think tabby has a lot of enemies.
Timmy: Is anyone her friend?
Tabitha: Well, of course. There's some -- well, there's always -- well, there's you, Timmy. You're my friend, aren't you?
Timmy: Always, princess. Always.
Reese: You can solve an argument for us, Tabitha. Is that -- is that noise warlocks or what? [Loud moaning]
Reese: Wh-- what was that you were saying about an airplane, Miguel?
Sam: I'll call Hartford. I'll get to the bottom of this. Keep an eye on him.
Grace: Why are you looking at me like that?
David: I'm sorry. I -- i was just remembering how you used to tilt your head to the side when you were reading. I called you my little bookworm. Do you remember that?
Eve: Can't you leave her alone, Mr. Hastings? Don't you see how upset she is?
David: She's not the only one. This wasn't quite the reaction i expected when I found her again. I'm not blaming you, Grace. I know it's not your fault that you can't remember.
Grace: I -- I am trying. I -- I just don't want to lose my husband.
David: You're won't. You'll never lose me.
Sam: Yeah, for the last time, Hastings, Grace is married to me.
David: Well, now, you see, that's where we differ, because in order for her to be married to you, she and I would have had to have gotten a divorce first, which we didn't. Grace is my wife, not yours.
Simone: Oh! I just miss Chad, and I just wish he was here so he could -- hello? Stop watching them, Kay. It's only going to make you feel bad.
Kay: Not anymore, Simone. I've got the strongest feeling that my life is going to change forever tonight. Come on.
Norma: Oh, come nightfall, daddy, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Timmy: Timmy doesn't like his choices. If Timmy and tabby leave the campsite, then they'll have their heads cut off by Norma. But if they stay on warlock island --
Tabitha: The warlocks will make us wish we'd had our heads chopped off.
Timmy: Then this is the end, princess?
Tabitha: I'm afraid that's the way it looks, lad.
Sheridan: Well, shall we order dessert?
Luis: Well, we could have it in the room.
Sheridan: Or we could skip it entirely.
Luis: Then what are we going to do to entertain ourselves?
Sheridan: I don't know. Maybe we'll come up with something.
Julian: La! God! I wish it were tomorrow already. The sooner Luis' boat explodes, the sooner I can put this heinous episode to rest once and for all. No, tonight I'm not going to think about killing my sister and her lover. Tonight I'm going to enjoy myself, father and his lecture be damned!
Julian: What I wouldn't give for a night like that almost was. Oh, well. A man can't have everything. Or can he?
Theresa: Ok. I -- I am -- I'm going to talk to Julian in public about Ethan. And what could possibly go wrong?
Sam: Damn it, Hastings. Get it out of your head once and for all. Grace is not your wife.
Officer: Excuse me, chief. That call that you're expecting from Hartford city hall, line three.
Sam: Good. I'll be right back with the truth.
Eve: It's going to be all right.
Sam: Yeah -- thanks.
Sam: Their records department confirms sending the fax. They claim it's accurate.
David: I told you we were married.