OLTL Transcript Monday 7/15/13 Ep. 29

One Life to Live Transcript Monday 7/15/13
Aired on OWN on 8/28/13


Episode #29 ~ The Snooze Test

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Gisele

[Food processor whirring]

Matthew: Come on. Really? It's worse than a car alarm, man! Hangover cure.

Matthew: It's gross.

Jeffrey: [Groans] So, you closed down Shelter with Michelle last night, huh? Yeah. She wanted some dance moves.

Dani: [Yawns]

Jeffrey: Hey.

Matthew: You disappeared last night. You didn't say bye.

Dani: Seriously? What? You ditched me.

Matthew: I figured you'd understand, especially since you and Michelle are best buds now.

Jeffrey: You are?

Dani: [Scoffs] News to me.

Matthew: She kept going on and on about how it was great that you didn't spill the beans about her working at the Palace.

Jeffrey: Whoa -- Michelle works at the Palace?

Dani: As a maid.

Jeffrey: You didn't tell me that! She have a hot maid outfit?

Matthew: Stop it. Yes, she does, actually. And Dani kept her lip zipped. Imagine that! Hey, so, you were gonna tell me something about being in Briana's room.

Dani: Uh, no. Nothing important. I'm gonna make one of these. This looks really good.

Jeffrey: You hate kale.

Dani: I need to be healthier.

Matthew: It was, um, right before Michelle came in. You said something about clothes, something about --

[Food processor whirring]

Matthew: Wait a minute. Wait a minute!

Dani: [Clears throat]

Matthew: You were gonna tell me, weren't you?

Dani: You know, I -- [Sighs] Unlike some people, I don't keep things from my friends.

Matthew: What? You just get all up in their business, then, right? You know what? I'm gonna tell Michelle to cancel that thank-you drink she was planning.

Dani: Please do! I don't need fake friends!

Matthew: Fine.

Dani: [Scoffs] What? How am I the bad guy in this?!

David: [Gasps] Aah! God! What the hell?!

Dorian: You deserve it. Oh, for goodness sake.

David: Are you still mad about last night?! Just forgive me, for crying out loud!

Dorian: Oh, my! Don't you have someplace to go?

David: Oh, my God. What time is it? I'm late. I got to -- what do I got to do? I got to get ready. Look, we'll, uh -- we'll, uh -- we'll just -- we'll talk about this when I -- when I get home.

Dorian: There is nothing to... [Rips up David's paper]

David: No! ...

Dorian: Talk about! What you did last night spoke volumes!

Blair: Todd, why'd you let me sleep like that?

Todd: Because you were tired?

Blair: Oh, my God! No! What about our kids?!

[Knock on door]

Todd: The kids are fine. I'm in touch with the security detail. Believe me -- they're fine.

Blair: This is crazy!

Téa: I called Blair, but she's not answering. I think something happened.

Blair: I didn't get any calls, Téa.

Téa: Of course not. Your cell phone was off.

Blair: Todd, why'd you turn my phone off?!

Todd: Because you were sleeping!

Téa: You slept here?

Blair: It's not what you think.

Téa: Oh, tell me you're not going there again.

Blair: It's... the last thing on my mind.

[Cell phone chimes]

Todd: Okay. All set.

Blair: So, what? Are you going?

Todd: Of course, I'm going. I want to make sure it's done right.

Téa: I'm coming with you.

Blair: Well, I want to go with you. I mean, if she's going, I'm going.

Todd: That's a terrible idea.

Téa: Well, I don't care what you think.

Todd: Téa, I have made just about every mistake that a man can make in his life.

Téa: Agreed.

Todd: But I'm pretty sure I can handle this. I'm pretty sure I can tattoo a dead body and throw it in the Llantano River all by myself. I'll tell you what. I will call both of you as soon as its done.

Téa: All right. I'll let you do the dirty work. Just don't screw it up. Blair, come on. Let's go.

Blair: Uh, j-just a minute, Téa. Just -- just a minute.

Téa: Oh, God.

Blair: [Sighs] She so does not trust us.

[Door closes]

Todd: Well, can you blame her? You're not a trustworthy human being right now. You're a liar.

Blair: What are you talking about?

Todd: You lie.

Blair: I did not lie!

Todd: Yes, you did!

Blair: No, I didn't!

Todd: Being with me is the last thing on your mind.

Blair: I wasn't lying.

Todd: I know your tell.

Blair: [Chuckling] I don't have a tell.

Viki: [Throws her ring in the drawer and shuts it]

[Door opens]

Viki: Oh, Clint. Please. Please, not now.

Clint: Yes, now. I've been up half the night. I got something to say.

Viki: I think I've heard everything already.

Clint: No, you haven't. I am sick and tired of you making me out to be the villain. And I'm done groveling. And I'm sure as hell done with you judging me all of the time. If you want out... you've got it. I'm done with us, too. You know something? I did nothing wrong. It is nothing, Viki, for me to give you $5 million. Why should you suffer when I have plenty to give?

Viki: [Scoffs] Because you didn't even discuss it with me! You just put it in my account.

Clint: Because, my dear, you wouldn't have accepted it any other way. So that makes me a snake?

Viki: It was underhanded! You tried to manipulate me.

Clint: [Sighing] Oh, God. I'm so sick of your so-called "pride."

Viki: "So-called"?

Clint: Yeah, because it is not pride. It's a layer of armor that you use to keep me out. It is not my money you don't want. It's me.

Viki: I don't want either.

Clint: You know something? I think you are incapable of having a man take care of you.

Viki: Oh, that's ridiculous.

Clint: Well, then, why? Why do you have to do everything alone?

Viki: I do not have to explain myself to you.

Clint: What you call marriage is not my idea of marriage at all. In fact, in my book, it's not even love. Hell, you make it impossible for anyone to even love you!

Viki: That is not true!

Clint: If you can't let me help you, if you refuse to let me help you, well, then, you're right. We do not belong together.

Viki: How dare you try and make this my fault?

Clint: Fine. I don't care. Make it my fault... as always. But I am no longer groveling or asking forgiveness, because I've done nothing wrong. You know what I did? I tried to help the woman that I love. And if, for you, in your book, that's a crime, so be it. I'm guilty. But I am done repenting.

Dani: You know, Jeffrey. I'm really sick of cleaning up your messes.

Jeffrey: Then don't.

Dani: Yeah, and then we're gonna get roaches or worse, rats!

Jeffrey: I meant with Matthew, not the kitchen.

Dani: What?

Jeffrey: You got to butt out!

Dani: Oh! Like you wouldn't have told him if you had been the one who found little miss fantasy girl scrubbing toilets at the Palace!

Jeffrey: I've been the skeptical one from the get-go, okay? But if we like it or not, she is real, and he is into her, and who knows? Maybe she's "the one."

Dani: Oh, she can't be the one, Jeffrey. Come on.

Jeffrey: Why not?

Dani: Because she's just this little... [Sighs] ...Lying maid.

Jeffrey: And you wouldn't happen to want Matthew for yourself, now, would you?

Dani: Let's not get ridiculous. Hey, Destiny's one of my best friends.

Jeffrey: Okay, then why do you care so much?

Dani: Because Matt's one of my best friends, too!

Jeffrey: Then you have to back off, okay? People don't like to hear negative stuff when they're in love. It's gonna make him hate you.

Dani: Even if I'm right?

Jeffrey: Especially if you're right.

Dani: [Sighs] Oh, are you moving in with Michelle? Mm.

Matthew: No, actually. I got the day off, and I planned something special for us.

Dani: Oh, she's a lucky girl.

Matthew: I'm a lucky guy.

Dani: Hmm.

Jeffrey: Listen -- I have a date anyway.

[Door closes]

Jeffrey: So go ahead and get dressed.

Dani: What are you talking about?

Jeffrey: I mean that you need to blow off some steam, and I've got a good idea for it.

Natalie: Hi, ladies.

Woman: Welcome to the class.

Man: Thanks!

Woman: Thank you. Hi. Welcome.

[Indistinct talking]

Natalie: Oh, Téa! I got you a spot.

Téa: You know, I don't know that this is a really good idea for me right now. Um...

Natalie: No. You said you were about to explode from stress. Did you hear from Victor?

Dean: If it isn't my favorite defense attorney.

Téa: Dean Trayger?

Dean: Yeah.

Téa: Wow! It's been a minute, huh?

Dean: It has. It has. You're looking great, Téa.

Téa: Oh, thanks! [Chuckles]

Nikki: I cannot believe you dragged me into this. I would much rather be sleeping.

Rama: It's a great way to sweat out a hangover.

Nikki: So is a bloody Mary!

Rama: Listen -- I'm gonna hang out in the back, because I don't want anyone looking at my ass unless I want them looking at my ass, you know?

Nikki: Coward.

Rama: Exhibitionist.

Nikki: You should be talking, Mrs. "I'm gonna hook up with a man that's married on the dance floor."

Rama: You saw that?

Nikki: No, but I heard about it, um, from half the club, when his wife went psycho.

Dorian: David, we have got to talk about this, and we have got to talk about it now! How long have you been boffing this bimbo?

David: I am not cheating on you!

Dorian: It wouldn't be the first time.

David: You are taking -- have you ever considered the fact that maybe it isn't just me, that maybe you have something to do with this?!

Dorian: Thank you, Jesse James.

David: The outlaw?

Dorian: Sandra Bullock's ex!

David: I don't have time for this! I'm late for the most important meeting of my life!

Dorian: David, our marriage is at stake!

David: My career is at stake.

Dorian: Oh, so your reality show means more to you than our marriage?

David: Of course, it doesn't! But do you have any idea how difficult it was to get this meeting?

Dorian: Maybe it was so difficult to get the meeting because your reality show stinks!

David: You cut me. You cut me deep. That's exactly what a man needs to hear from his wife right before his big day!

Dorian: Don't you dare go out that door!

[Door slams]

Dani: Okay. Oh. My mom's here.

Jeffrey: Oh, yeah.

Dani: [Laughs]

Jeffrey: I thought there'd be more dudes in a class called "Boot Camp."

Dani: Well, there's one. Of course, he's close to my mom. She's like a hot guy magnet. It's weird.

Jeffrey: [Laughs]

Dani: Wait, wait. I've seen him somewhere before.

Jeffrey: Hmm?

Dani: Yeah. This better work.

Jeffrey: Téa.

Natalie: Hi!

Dani: Hey!

Natalie: Hey, um... have I seen him at Shelter before?

Rama: Oh, that guy? Yeah, he gets -- he gets a lot of rich people into the club.

Natalie: Yeah, I think he gets a lot more in the club. I swear he's a drug dealer.

[Rock music plays]

Instructor: All right, everyone. Who's ready to sweat?

Class: Whoo-hoo.

Instructor: Let's start! Ready? Heels to your bum. Let's go. Pop them up! You got it. Keep it going. Kick those heels. Kick them up.

David: Yeah, the women are hot, and the deejay? Off the -- Hi. David Vickers.

Michael: I don't do handshakes.

David: No. Germs. I'm totally the same way. I don't know if you heard out front, but, uh, I was a little late. I had some issues, uh, printing out my pitch.

Michael: Well, I was out till 4:00 a.m., and I still dragged my ass in here on time.

David: Right, right. No "dog ate my homework" excuses, right?

Michael: Yeah. So, uh, Dave, what do you got for us?

David: Maybe we should wait for your boss.

Michael: My boss?

David: Michael Green?

Michael: I'm Michael Green.

David: But you're so...

Michael: Short?

David: I was going to say young.

Michael: Oh. Well, I'm sensitive about my height.

David: Oh, I'm not. I'm 6'2". Uh, maybe I should just dive right into the pitch?

Michael: [Yawning and chuckling] Oh, God. Excuse me! Sorry about that. It was a rough one last night.

David: Oh. I can identify. I was at a club myself.

Michael: [Laughs] Oh. Oh, you're serious! Well, good for you, still getting out there at your age.

David: Actually, I was at Shelter. It's...pretty exclusive. And, uh, it, uh, figures pretty prominently in "The Life and Times of Vickerman."

Michael: Of who?

David: Vickerman.

Michael: Who's that?

David: Me.

Michael: But wait. I-I thought your name was Dave Vickers.

David: David Vickers -- yes. But I was in a movie called "Vickerman."

Michael: Never heard of it.

David: It underperformed in the U.S., but it was huge in northern parts of Europe.

Michael: Yeah. Okay, Dave. Wow me. Okay. So, uh, picture a nightclub. Uh, it's called Shelter, and it's really the heartbeat of -- of my show, and it's where everybody's got a connection.

Michael: Uh-huh. And what's your connection?

David: Okay, so, get this. The VIP hostess there... [Snaps fingers] ...She's my new sidekick.

Michael: You doing her?

David: No.

Michael: Oh. Well, that's too bad.

David: Okay. Well, like I was saying, uh, Shelter is the place -- uh, it's full of intrigue, and people come there to...

Michael: What?!

David: Maybe I should come back tomorrow, when you've had a chance to get some rest.

Michael: You know, Dave, if you'd said anything halfway interesting, I wouldn't have nodded off.

David: Excuse me?

Michael: I'm sorry. How can I put this? Oh, I know. Your show didn't pass the snooze test.

David: The snooze test?

Michael: Yes. You and it are flat and boring.

David: I see. Thank you.

Nigel: Pardon, ma'am. I just wanted to say goodbye and that I am so sorry to be leaving under these circumstances.

Viki: Well, thank you, Nigel. I will miss you.

Nigel: And I you.

Viki: I will miss all of this.

Nigel: Are you leaving, too, ma'am?

Viki: Uh, yes. I'm going to have to. I'm...close to broke.

Nigel: Oh, my.

Viki: I've lost most of my life savings.

Nigel: Surely, you'll still have Llanfair.

Viki: No. No, I-I'd already taken out a second mortgage to help bail out the Banner, and as we all know, the paper is not doing well, so...I'm going to have to sell my home.

Nigel: Oh, dear. That is quite a kettle of fish. I don't know what to say.

Viki: You know, I've been through hard times before. It's not that. It's that there are so many people at the Banner who are counting on me.

Nigel: Not to be indelicate, but can't Mr. Buchanan help?

Viki: Oh, Nigel. I'm quite sure he's told you that we've split up.

Nigel: Not in so many words, but I assumed it's why he and I are moving out.

Viki: You assumed correct.

Nigel: Yes. But -- and, again, forgive me if I'm overstepping, but he's still richer than...God!

Viki: I'm not a charity.

Nigel: But you just said all those people depend on you.

Viki: Yes?

Nigel: If I may, ma'am... where I come from, it's the job of the rich to take care of the less rich by employing them.

Viki: Yes, I know. I've seen "Downton Abbey."

Nigel: Well, then, you know that you and Mr. Buchanan owe it to your employees to get past your own personal issues... and do the right thing.

Viki: That's a very interesting take on things, Nigel.

Nigel: I apologize if I've spoken out of turn.

Viki: No! No, not at all. And I have always appreciated your candor.

Instructor: Don't stop! Push yourselves!

Nikki: I'm going to kill this bitch.

Instructor: Come on, ladies! Don't let these guys show you up! Come on! Show them what you've got!

Natalie: Hey, stop! Stop, really. Something's wrong. You okay?

Dani: Mom? Mom?

[Music shuts off]

Dani: Are you okay?

Dean: You okay?

Téa: I can't breathe.

Dani: Call 911! Someone call 911, please!

Dean: Just breathe, okay? Follow my breath. Follow my breath. Ready?

[Both breathing deeply]

Dean: Is that better?

Téa: [Sighs] I don't know what happened.

Natalie: Here. Drink some water.

Téa: My heart was racing. I-I-I couldn't breathe.

Dean: Has it ever happened before?

Téa: Never.

Dean: Sounds like a panic attack.

Dani: Yeah, or a heart attack. This class is insane!

Jeffrey: An ambulance is on the way.

Destiny: I'll go outside and wait for the paramedics.

Téa: No, no, no, I don't want an ambulance!

Dani: No, no, no. We're going to the hospital, Mom. Okay? Okay? It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

David: Dorian! Well, you'll be happy to know that that overinflated blowhard of a producer fell asleep during my pitch!

Dorian: Now you know what it feels like to be humiliated by a much-younger version of yourself.

David: Yes. Yes, I do. And you know what? It's all your fault, because you set me off my game! You shredded my pitch, you destroyed my confidence, and then you sent me out to the lions!

Dorian: I caught you kissing another woman in public.

David: It was not in public! It was in a private club! And it was just a stupid kiss!

Dorian: You're deluded. You're not living in reality. You're living in your reality show! You hurt me.

David: I hurt you!

Dorian: Mm-hmm.

David: Do you have any idea how humiliating it can be to be Mr. Dorian Lord? You pay for everything! You give me every single thing I want! Wait -- this is derailing my argument. Do you see that? You make me doubt myself. You belittle all my dreams and my aspirations. No, I take that back. Because you know why? You're more than disinterested. You sabotage what I do. In fact, if I left, you wouldn't even know I was gone. You behave like a child! [Stomps up the stairs]

[Knock on door]

Clint: I didn't expect to see you for a while.

Viki: I came to thank you.

Clint: For what?

Viki: You were right. I do have trouble accepting help and, I suppose, in particular, accepting help from you.

Clint: I'm glad you agree.

Viki: I'm going to keep your money.

Clint: Good! I couldn't be happier.

Viki: Look, Clint. I-I'm sorry. But I have to keep the money. It would be very selfish of me not to. The Banner needs it. I will put it to good use, and you said it yourself. It's -- it's nothing to you, so...thanks.

Clint: You're welcome.

Viki: Nigel. Bye.

Clint: Nigel... [Clears throat] ...Remind me to give you a raise.

Nigel: What can I say? I have a gentle touch. Now, if only she'd take you back, as well.

Clint: Mm. That's not gonna happen anytime soon. But at least she won't be out on the street.

Michelle: [Sighs] What a day! No offense, Matthew, but rich people are pigs! Anyway, I've got one more room to service, and then I am clocking out for the day. I'll see you soon.

[Knock on door]

Michelle: Housekeeping.

Matthew: About time.

Michelle: [Sighs]

Matthew: Hi.

Michelle: [Exhales sharply]

Matthew: [Chuckles]

Michelle: I don't understand.

Matthew: Booked the room for the night.

Michelle: You and me?

Matthew: Unless you want to invite someone else.

Michelle: But I can't. What if my boss sees?

Matthew: So what if he does? I'm a paying customer, and you're my guest. And as of now, you're officially off the clock. Come here.

Blair: Todd... please promise me that you will be careful. I can't do the parenting thing alone.

Todd: Yeah. Over the years... you've had to do more than your share. And for that, I'm sorry.

Blair: Well, how about you make it up to me, okay? And don't get yourself hurt or --

Todd: No, I'm not worried about me right now.

Blair: I'm counting on you.

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