OLTL Transcript Thursday 7/15/10

One Life to Live Transcript Thursday 7/15/10

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Episode # 10732

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Kathy

David: Muffin?

Viki: Oh, David, I am very hungry, but not for food.

David: Ah.

Viki: I like your shirt. New?

David: Yeah, actually, it is. I know why it was on sale, too. It's so itchy.

Viki: Oh. Well, by all means, take it off.

David: Really? I like taking my shirt off.

Viki: My home is your home. My, my, my. You know, David... I have a lovely bottle of Sauvignon Blanc chilling in the refrigerator in the kitchen. Now, I don't drink, but nothing to stop you from indulging, right? Why don't you go open it?

Rex: Have you seen my case?

Destiny: Your what?

Rex: My case. I left it in the cabana over there last night. It's shiny. It's metal. I really need my case.

Destiny: Why do you need a shiny, metal case?

Rex: Well, I am a private detective, okay, and I have a very important meeting with a client, and I can't get any work done without it, so I really need my case.

Destiny: Sorry. I haven't seen it.

Rex: You sure?

Destiny: I think I would remember if I saw it, but I just finished restocking all the cabanas. I didn't see it.

Rex: All right. Maybe somebody else did. Do you have a lost and found?

Destiny: You can check at the front desk, but I don't think anybody's turned it in.

Rex: Why would they? If somebody found a case like that, they'd keep it forever. I know I did. It was the only thing I've ever wanted. It was perfect for everything I've ever needed. I'm never gonna see it again.

Gigi: Looking for this?

James: What's up, Bobby? Something's bothering you. Or someone.

Ford: Not anymore. A clueless girl... who never mattered.

James: Right. That's obvious.

Langston: No?

Markko: We can't go back.

Langston: I was such a child to get involved with Ford.

Markko: No, no, no. Something wasn't working with us. Otherwise it never would've happened.

Langston: That's my problem.

Markko: No, I knew something was wrong. I knew it. I just... I didn't wanna know.

Langston: So there's no chance for us?

Markko: Too much has changed. I've changed. So have you. You know.

Langston: So do you think we can still be friends?

Markko: Maybe. Long distance. I'm transferring to UCLA. I got a scholarship, and this time, I'm going.

Blair: You're saying your problem is with Eli. Why? He's a nice guy.

Jack: When you're looking. When he thinks nobody's watching, he's Ross Rayburn but in a nicer suit.

Blair: Oh, come on. That is so not fair.

Jack: Whatever. I know people. The guy doesn't smell right.

Téa: Don't play with me.

Todd: I'm not playing with you.

Téa: Then why would you ask me to marry you?

Todd: Why would you think?

Téa: Oh. Because I'm dying?

Todd: [Scoffs] Like you weren't dying the times before?

Téa: Those times worked out really well. Oh. The deal is you think you can go the distance this time. Well, it helps when you can see the finish line.

Todd: Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Téa, one of the reasons I wanna marry you is because you're the only one who can say things like that now. And then, of course, there's Dani.

Téa: Don't get too excited. All she gave you was a handshake.

Todd: Yeah, but it didn't seem like she hated my guts anymore. I'm not marrying you because you're...

Téa: Dying? Then why?

Todd: Because you're the love of my life. 

David: I knew I liked living here.

Viki: Oh, David. I thought it was because of me.

David: That, too.

[Viki sighs]

[Telephone rings]

Viki: Charlie.

Charlie: Yeah, roger, cupid 2. This is cupid one and I'm poised for contact.

Viki: Oh, this is not funny. Look, I don't know that I can go through with this.

Charlie: You got a better idea? We've got to get Dorian off my back or we're never gonna have a moment's peace.

Viki: Are you absolutely positive that if I hit on David, he will come to his senses?

Charlie: We've gotta double down, Viki. You go after David, I go after Dorian, and with any luck, they'll come to realize that they were meant for each other and leave us the hell alone.

Viki: You know that there are inherent risks in this. What if Dorian takes you up on your offer? Oh, my God, what if David takes me up on mine? What do we do then?

Destiny: Don't think I don't see you over there.

Matthew: What?

Destiny: You can't hide from me, Matthew Buchanan.

Matthew: I'm not hiding from you.

Destiny: Not that I don't understand. I wouldn't want to show my face, either, if one of my friends turned out to be a killer.

Matthew: What? I'm not friends with a killer.

Destiny: No?

Destiny: Look familiar?

Rex: Oh, I am sorry. I will never let you go again.

Gigi: I'm gonna try to not be hurt that you're talking to the case.

Rex: How did you find her--it?

Gigi: I didn't. I took it.

Rex: Took my case? Why?

Gigi: Well, I knew you couldn't do any work without it, and I thought we could play a little hooky.

Rex: Here?

Gigi: Well, because we had such a good time last night.

Rex: Yeah, well, Geeg, you have to be invited by a member. Took all my P.I. skills to get us past the front desk.

Gigi: Yeah, but Balsom, we're on the list.

Rex: That was yesterday.

Gigi: Oh, God. You know, for a detective, you are not very observant.

Rex: "Guest services."

Gigi: Read the fine print.

Rex: "Please enjoy all country club amenities during our 2-- 2-day Fourth of July celebration."

Gigi: Mm-hmm. So what do you say? You want to enjoy all the amenities?

Rex: What about your shift at Rodi's?

Gigi: I switched with Deb. I figured you could use the day off after all your hard work.

Rex: Hard work?

Gigi: Wooing me. So now would you let me return the favor?

Blair: Hey. Eli is a nice guy. And you know what? He loves me. So if you want this old mama to be happy, it'd be nice if you could congratulate me.

Jack: Congratulations. But if that guy calls me little buddy one more time, I'm pushing him in the pool.

Blair: Okay, Jack. If he calls you little buddy one more time, I'll help you push him in the pool, okay?

Jack: Yeah.

Blair: Okay, listen. This is gonna be good for everybody.

Dani: You know, it's weird we both came to apologize at the same time.

Nate: Great minds...

Dani: Who don't think.

Nate: Ha ha ha. Definitely us.

Dani: Yeah.

Nate: It's good that you're laughing.

Dani: Think I'll have to.

Nate: How's your mom today?

Dani: Oh, she's so tough, you know? This morning, we went to her radiation treatments, which she says isn't painful or anything, but she's in a room all by herself, and the doctors and nurses wear all this protective gear and they treat it like this stuff is nuclear or something. Which kind of, it is, I guess. And my mom has to get it shot into her body because that's how sick she is. Before she goes in, she's smiling at us, trying to make it okay for me and Todd. And I smile back, but... inside I'm screaming, "Don't die, Mom. You can't die." And then it's done and she's, like, getting dressed and... fixing her lipstick and wants to know what I had for breakfast and do I want to stop and grab a smoothie along the way, even though she's queasy. Then she's clopping out the door in her high heels going to court, just like it's any other day, except she's moving a little slow. It's just so...completely... strange.

Nate: I wish I knew what to say.

Dani: There's nothing. It's just... it just is.

Nate: Did you and Todd take her to court?

Dani: Right. Actually, that was the good news.

Nate: Good news? I'll take it.

Dani: They dropped the charges against him.

Nate: That's great!

Téa: Don't say things you don't mean.

Todd: Okay. You're the love of my life. You're not surprised by that, are you? You know, I have not been happy since the day of our wedding.

Téa: Hmm. Won't it make it harder?

Todd: I think the only thing that would make it harder is-- is losing any more time with you. I'm a selfish bastard. I want everything I can get out of you.

Téa: Ha ha ha.

Todd: And it'll be different this time.

Téa: What if it isn't?

Todd: Oh, no. No. We're gonna be together forever.

Téa: Till death do us part, huh?

Todd: Yeah. What do you say? 

Gigi: So what should we do today?

Rex: I thought we were doing it.

Gigi: Come on, Balsom, they got a whole list.

Rex: You're really serious. You want to try all the services.

Gigi: Hey, we gotta get Bo's money's worth. Besides, it's your day. So what's your pleasure? We could play tennis.

Rex: Uh, running back and forth on a court in the heat. Not exactly relaxing.

Gigi: How about golf?

Rex: Now, I thought you said you didn't want to see me in plaid pants.

Gigi: I could make an exception.

Rex: That's okay. I don't think I could.

Gigi: Um...how about the sauna? Or we could get a massage. Or we could go really crazy and hang out in the pro shop all day.

Rex: How about we just stay here?

Gigi: This is all you wanna do? Really?

Rex: You don't?

Gigi: Don't get me wrong, I love lying by the pool, but... it's not very much work.

Rex: Well, I thought that was sort of the idea of playing hooky.

Gigi: It's just that you went to all that trouble last night to give me such a romantic evening, and I wanted to do the same for you.

Rex: You did.

Gigi: By noticing an expiration date?

Rex: You gave me the day off.

Gigi: By doing the same thing we did yesterday.

Rex: I like what we did yesterday.

Gigi: So you don't mind doing the same thing again today?

Rex: I don't care what we do. As long as I get to spend the day with you.

[Kiss]

Matthew: Nope. Don't recognize him.

Destiny: You sure? Take a good look.

Matthew: Yes, I'm sure. Why would I be friends with a bounty hunter?

Destiny: I don't know. Maybe since I saw you talking to him right over there.

Matthew: You did?

Destiny: Yeah. Right before the Fourth of July. You said he was a friend of your parents.

Matthew: Oh. Oh, right, that-- that guy.

Destiny: So you do know him.

Matthew: Yeah. Like I said, he's a friend of my parents.

Destiny: So you're telling me that the D.A. and the commissioner of police are friends with some lowlife criminal.

Matthew: Okay, maybe "friends" was a little too strong of a word.

Destiny: Okay, you have exactly one minute to tell me the truth. Why were you talking to this guy?

Matthew: I heard that he was looking for something.

Destiny: And?

Matthew: And I knew where it was, so I thought I'd help the guy out.

Destiny: You're leaving out one important thing. What was the something?

Matthew: Um, $50,000.

Destiny: And where did you tell him he could find it?

Matthew: With Nate.

Charlie: Dorian takes me up on my offer and that'll be me you see leaping out of her bay window.

Viki: Oh, don't hurt yourself, sweetheart.

Charlie: Whatever it takes. And no, Viki, I really do not understand why you invited Vickers to live with us, and I'm afraid I never will.

Dorian: Tsk.

Charlie: Oh.

Dorian: Trouble in paradise?

Charlie: You know, I really-- I really don't want to talk about it. I would much rather talk about you and how much you've done for me.

Viki: Fine. Fine, Charlie. You can stay there all day. Or all night, if that's what you really want!

[Viki slams down phone]

David: You're not seriously jealous of Dorian, are you?

Viki: Oh. Oh, that woman is just relentless. David, I don't want to talk about her. I'd rather talk about something really, really nice.

David: Oh.

Viki: You. In the smallest bathing suit the law will allow. 

Matthew: Okay, I'll admit, it was stupid. It's not that big of a deal, all right?

Destiny: Nate got kidnapped, Dani snuck out to deliver the ransom, and this guy James got shot.

Matthew: And they're all gonna be okay. No harm, no foul.

Destiny: No harm, no foul?

Matthew: It's something David always says.

Destiny: Since when are you listening to David?

Matthew: Believe it or not, the guy actually gives some pretty good advice. Why do you think he's been shopping this around all day?

Destiny: "Learning to live with guilt. It's not as bad as you think." By... David Vickers wrote a book?

Gigi: Did you have all these freckles yesterday?

Rex: It's kind of hard for me to tell. Should we get out of the sun?

Gigi: I thought you wanted to stay by the pool.

Rex: I don't know. I just-- I can't get comfortable.

Gigi: Maybe it has something to do with this huge knot in your shoulder.

Rex: What? No. No, that's fine.

Gigi: I thought we were supposed to be relaxing.

Rex: I am. No, look, see? I'm relaxed. See? I guess I kind of forgot how.

Gigi: Okay, Balsom...ahem. What is going on?

Rex: It's this--it's this Bennett Thompson case. I can't find anything on the guy.

Gigi: I thought you came up with, like, a thousand names.

Rex: Yeah, I did. Who knows which one is the right one?

Gigi: You'll figure it out.

Rex: If Kelly doesn't fire me first.

Gigi: She would not do that.

Rex: She will if I can't come up with the results. Case or no case.

Gigi: Then let's get the results. You've got all the papers with you, right?

Rex: In the car.

Gigi: So? Go get them.

Rex: You really want to go through my files here? Now?

Gigi: Why not? Like I said, this is your day. You get to pick the service.

Eli: Hello, bride-to-be.

Blair: Hello, big muffin. Mwah. So tell me--how's Hannah?

Eli: The same, I'm afraid, but from here on out, we are no longer talking about Hannah.

Blair: Oh, yeah?

Eli: For the rest of the day, I am all yours. And the first thing we need to do is write up an announcement for the paper.

Blair: Well, now that Jack knows, I don't think we're gonna have to tell anybody. I'm sure he's already told half the people in the town.

Eli: I'm sorry again about that. It just came out.

Blair: I know.

Eli: But he is happy about the wedding, right?

Blair: Sure.

Ford: You can't let a woman run your life, James.

James: They don't have to run it, but--

Ford: Let them in, they'll mess with your head.

James: Not everyone. I'm just saying, not everybody is like our parents.

Ford: Don't start with me.

James: You can't blame her forever, Bobby. Who knows what Dad did to her.

Ford: She knew. Okay? How do you leave 2 little kids to fend for themselves with a man like that?

James: We don't know what happened.

Ford: Yeah, we do. Mom didn't give a damn. End of story.

James: Maybe.

Ford: You know, forget it. It's not worth thinking about.

James: No, it's not. So I don't. But not every woman is like her, Bobby.

Ford: You'll learn.

Langston: UCLA film school? A full ride?

Markko: Yeah.

Langston: That's awesome!

Markko: I can't believe I get a second chance after turning them down.

Langston: Well, you completely deserve it. When do you go?

Markko: Tomorrow.

Langston: Tomorrow?

Markko: Yeah.

Langston: So that's--that's why you came looking for me today?

Markko: Yeah.

Langston: Wow. This is, um... this is...

Markko: Yeah. Yeah. Um, I...I start driving off tomorrow morning.

Langston: You're driving all the way to California by yourself?

Markko: No. Karen's coming with me.

Langston: Karen the pizza girl?

Markko: Yeah. Yeah, we've been hanging out. I mean, I've known her for forever. She wants to be an actress so she's gonna give it a shot in L.A.

Langston: Great.

Markko: Yeah, we're splitting, you know, driving and gas.

Langston: Good. Yeah. So, um...this is good-bye?

Markko: Yeah. It is.

Viki: Just a minute.

David: Oh. Ha ha ha. You do this with all your writers?

Viki: Oh, no. Just with you. Now, about that bathing suit.

David: Yeah. Listen, um, I don't want to disappoint, but I always retire the stars and stripes after every Fourth of July.

Viki: Oh. Well, that's no problem. I happen to have a selection of very similar suits on hand.

David: Huh. Really.

Viki: Mm-hmm.

David: Not that I mind, but when you hired me as style editor, I--I thought you hired me for my talents, not my ass-ets.

Viki: Oh, David. This is actually a very important assignment. Do you happen to know the designer Rudy von Clementi?

David: Rudy von Clementi? Are you kidding? He said no to me hundreds of times when I was a model. He's a genius!

Viki: Ha. Well, you see, he has sent us a sample of his new line of bathing suits for men, and you being our style reporter, I thought you could review them.

David: Absolutely. I'm gonna need a model. I'm gonna need a photographer.

Viki: No, no. You're actually going to do the modeling. Well, what better way to introduce you, style reporter, to our readers, right?

David: Yes. So who's gonna do the photography--Annie Leibovitz?

Viki: Annie's a little busy right now, so I thought I'd take the pictures. You know, I thought it would give it a, I don't know, kind of an interesting touch. So why don't you get those clothes off?

Destiny: You're really seriously reading this fool's book.

Matthew: I thought this fool was your friend.

Destiny: That doesn't mean I want him running my life.

Matthew: He's not running my life.

Destiny: So it was your idea to sic that psycho on Nate.

Matthew: I didn't sic anybody on Nate.

Destiny: Who cares as long as you keep yourself happy?

Matthew: No, that's--

Destiny: You weren't trying to get rid of him so you could have Dani for yourself. That wasn't part of your master plan?

Matthew: I didn't have a master plan. You have to think of those things in advance. Page 127.

Destiny: You're right. What was I thinking?

Matthew: David said there's no point in feeling guilty. I mean, it's not like it's gonna change anything. It's not gonna make Danielle like me again. It's not gonna bring that Bull guy back from the dead, so...

Destiny: And what did your parents say?

Matthew: Nothing. Uh, David said I didn't need to tell them.

Destiny: That's too bad. Because I do.

Gigi: Can I take a look at that one?

Rex: Be my guest.

Gigi: This is everything you have on the sanitarium?

Rex: Yep. Checked out everyone there.

Gigi: So you have a list of names.

Rex: See? No patient named Bennett Thompson.

Gigi: I meant of the staff.

Rex: Uh, yeah. I think I do somewhere. Why?

Gigi: Because maybe Bennett Thompson didn't stay at this hospital, but someone on the staff worked at the hospital where he did.

Rex: It's worth a look.

Gigi: Here. Give me half.

Rex: You really do not have to do this.

Gigi: I want to.

Rex: It's not like you get a lot of time to rest.

Gigi: Balsom, I don't care what we do today as long as I get to spend the day with you, okay?

Rex: Thanks, Morasco.

Gigi: So anything?

Rex: There's 30 employees, 15 who have worked at other hospitals. None of them crossed paths with a Bennett Thompson.

Gigi: Well, maybe we should go through those hospitals.

Rex: Wait, without a lead? No. No, I have to have something to follow. Just face it--I'm back to square one.

Gigi: You know, I know why this isn't working.

Rex: Why--because I'm the world's worst P.I.?

Gigi: No, because you're not using your case.

Rex: Oh, it's--it's--there's nothing in it.

Gigi: Are you sure about that?

Rex: You put something in my case?

Gigi: [Chuckles] Open it and find out.

Dani: I better go find my mom.

Nate: Is she waiting for you?

Dani: Well, not exactly. Actually, she kind of told me to get lost. I guess we're hovering, even though we don't mean to.

Nate: So maybe we could hang out.

Dani: Yeah, for a while. I mean, I left her in good hands.

[Téa laughs]

Eli: Well, look who's here. It's our first chance to spread the news.

Todd: Oh, the news. Does that mean...

Blair: Yes. Elijah and I are getting married.

Téa: Oh, congratulations.

Blair: What?

Todd: Well, you're not the only ones with good news.

Téa: We're getting married, too.

Dorian: That is so nice to hear you say that. I mean, not-- not very many people acknowledge my contributions. Of course, the voters, but my own family, they tend to take me for granted.

Charlie: Fools. Dorian: It's so-- so gratifying to hear that I have helped you in some small way.

Charlie: Dorian, you've changed my life.

Dorian: Wow. And together we are going to change Llanview. Now, I Hope you'll indulge me, because I--I--well, quite honestly, I think I have come up with some wonderful ideas.

Charlie: Okay, Dorian, Dorian... I have a confession to make.

Matthew: Destiny...come on. You can't say anything.

Destiny: I thought it wasn't that big a deal.

Matthew: It's not. Not to me, but it will be to my parents.

Destiny: What, you're afraid they're gonna lock you up?

Matthew: No, I just don't want to see their names get dragged through the mud.

Destiny: That's the only reason you don't want me to say anything.

Matthew: What other reason would there be?

Destiny: I don't know. Maybe because you're a human being and you feel bad you tried to get your friends hurt.

Matthew: I didn't know they were gonna get hurt. I--I thought Nate kind of deserved it.

Destiny: So you do feel bad.

Matthew: Are you kidding? I've never been so scared in my life. What if Nate and Dani actually did get hurt? I wasn't thinking. I never wanted any of this.

Destiny: That's better.

Matthew: What? That I feel terrible?

Destiny: Yeah. It means I don't have to give you a beat down.

Matthew: Trust me, whatever you could possibly do to me, I'm feeling it 10 times worse right now.

Destiny: I can tell. You look like the poster boy for pathetic.

Matthew: You believe me?

Destiny: I believe you.

Matthew: Does that mean you won't say anything?

Rex: It's not heavy.

Gigi: No.

[Contents of box rattle]

Rex: It's not fragile.

Gigi: I Hope not.

Rex: It doesn't make any noise.

Gigi: Would you just open it already?

Rex: Sorry. It's not every day your case comes with a surprise inside.

Gigi: Well, if you don't open it soon, it might be your last.

Rex: I think I'll open it.

Rex: Morasco, when did you do this?

Gigi: Shane's camp counselor sent it to me last week.

Rex: Pitcher.

Gigi: Just like his old man.

Rex: Is that a curve ball?

Gigi: Probably, but it's not any good if you taught him.

Rex: [Gasps] You're the one who made him a die-hard Texas Rangers fan.

Gigi: I took him to a couple of games. Besides, he's--he's started to like the Phillies.

Rex: Oh, please. He still sleeps in a Juan Gonzalez jersey.

Gigi: At least he doesn't have to be subjected to a lifetime of heartbreak like us, growing up with the Tigers.

Rex: That's it.

Gigi: What's it?

Rex: Gigi, you're a genius.

Blair: Todd popped the question.

Téa: He did.

Eli: Congratulations, both of you.

Blair: So I guess our little talk inspired you, too.

Eli: Must be in the air. So when is the happy day? Soon?

Todd: When would you think it would be?

Eli: Sorry, Todd, I just assumed--

Téa: What, it'd have to be soon because I'm dying? Well, you're right. Time is not on our side, which is why... Todd asked me to marry him.

Langston: I can't even say it.

Markko: Yeah. Firsts are always easier. First kiss.

Langston: June 20, 2007.

Markko: First love.

Langston: That's forever.

Markko: Well... good luck, you know, next year, with everything.

Langston: You, too, but you're not gonna need it. Markko, you're gonna be such a big director. And I'm gonna be watching when you get your first Oscar, bragging about how I knew you back when you made your first film.

Markko: You were the inspiration.

Langston: Until I blew it.

Markko: That's...that's not what I'll remember most.

Langston: You promise? [Sniffles] You take care of yourself, okay?

Markko: You, too. You, too. You're still a freak.

Langston: [Laughs] And don't you forget it.

Destiny: You know how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut.

Matthew: Yes, I know, but I know that you can do it if you want to. You're the most powerful person I know.

Destiny: You think?

Matthew: Are you kidding? Who else gets everyone to do exactly what she asks them?

Destiny: That's true. I do always get what I want. Which is why I won't say anything to your parents.

Matthew: Oh, thank you.

Destiny: On one condition.

Matthew: Anything.

Destiny: You promise to never do anything like this ever again.

Matthew: I won't. I swear.

Destiny: And you'll be nice to Nate and Dani from now on.

Matthew: Can't I just keep them away from bounty hunters?

Destiny: You better. Or I will go to your parents.

Matthew: I won't. I promise.

Destiny: That's good enough for me. Oh, and one more thing. Burn that book.

Gigi: How is it that I'm a genius?

Rex: You just blew this case wide open.

Gigi: With the Detroit Tigers?

Rex: Exactly.

Gigi: I don't understand.

Rex: I'm not sure I do, either. I have to do more research. You okay getting home?

Gigi: I'm fine. Go.

Rex: I'll see you later. Thanks, Morasco.

Gigi: Anytime.

[Kiss]

Todd: I'm marrying you because I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This timing is what it is. Mm. We should tell the boys. Where are they?

Blair: Oh, you just missed them, actually. Mama took them over to see Hope. You don't have to worry--they already love the half-naked lady, anyway. [Laughs]

Eli: I'm sorry?

Todd: Long story.

Téa: It is a long story.

Blair: Yes, it is, but you know what? Elijah's right. We do need to work out a date, because I know we all want the kids to be there.

Todd: I'm not doing a double wedding if that's what you've got in mind.

Blair: Todd, that is fine by me.

Eli: We just wanted to get married as soon as po--

Todd: Now, you listen to me, meathead! We got dibs! She's sick!

Téa: I think we can work it out.

Todd: Sure. What's the rush?

Eli: It's just I can't wait to start spending the rest of our lives together, just Blair and myself and the kids.

Todd: You mean my kids?

Eli: Yeah, Todd, I do mean your kids. Obviously, they're your kids. I was just saying they're gonna be in my life, too, so...

Todd: Oh, not if I can help it.

Téa and Blair: Here we go.

Dorian: Oh, please. Don't tell me you've had a slip, that you've--you drank.

Charlie: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, nothing like that. Um, no. It just--well, never mind. I shouldn't have mentioned it.

Dorian: Oh, you can talk to me about anything. I won't judge you--that's Viki's job. Oh, I'm sorry. Have I offended you?

Charlie: No, no, never. I just..

Dorian: You're upset. I knew you were when you called this morning and said you wanted to come here to work.

Charlie: Well, that's just it, because you see, I wanted us to have a little privacy.

Dorian: Well... here we are.

Charlie: Here we are. Now, you remember the... the other day when I just flew out of here.

Dorian: After accusing me of lying about the appointment with Henderson. Yes.

Charlie: Y-you're right, right, but the reason I ran out was because I didn't feel that I could trust myself.

Dorian: [Sighs] Trust yourself how?

Charlie: Well... you know how--how Viki is always saying that you're after me and that you want me? Well, the truth of the matter is, it's the other way around. You see...I want you.

David: I'm impressed, Viki. I am. The old "Banner" would've never put a near-naked hunk of my caliber in the style section, or any other section.

Viki: Well, you know, David, we're all chasing the same demographics, and that's the 18-to-49-year-old females.

David: You're making a really smart move here, putting me on the cover. You're gonna have all sorts of demographics thumbing through your pages.

Viki: And the good thing is we can stretch these photos through the whole year, because Rudy's line is a tribute to the holidays.

David: Yeah. About that. I have one question. Christmas? Really?

Viki: Sure. It'll be a little present for our readers.

David: Watch the word "little."

Viki: Oh, David. Come on. Let's get started. [Chuckles]

David: Okay.

Viki: All right. Let's do this now. Here we go. I want you to lick your lips. Come on, David, make them nice and--not like that, David. Come on. Okay. Now run your hand through your hair. Don't mess your hair up.

David: Right.

Viki: Okay. Oh, that's wonderful. Here we go, David. Here--oh, yeah, that's wonderful. David, love the camera. Come on, David, love the camera. Come on, David. Take that off. Let me have a look at what Santa's bringing me for Christmas.

David: Viki!

Viki: Come on, David. We can't waste time. We've got a whole lot of holidays to get through. We've got Halloween. [Chuckles]

David: Eww.

Viki: St. Patrick's Day.

David: I don't know.

Viki: New Year’s Eve.

David: Well, this is not bad.

Viki: Come on, David. Let's get moving.

David: Viki, please. Just keep your shirt on, all right? I'm an artist. I've got a process.

Viki: Why are you so shy all of a sudden, huh?

David: Viki, come on. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were coming on to me. Ha ha.

Viki: Oh, you might just be right.

James: You're kind of harsh.

Ford: Yeah. Better me than you.

James: What's that supposed to mean?

Ford: I'm gonna save you from a world of hurt. Stay away from women.

James: What, like a monk?

Ford: No, just don't get involved. You know what I mean?

James: What if it's the right girl?

Ford: Doesn't exist. You're thinking about Starr Manning? You can forget it.

James: You already told me that.

Ford: And were you listening? Promise me. Seriously. Promise me you'll stay away from Starr Manning completely.

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