OLTL Transcript Wednesday 2/24/10

One Life to Live Transcript Wednesday 2/24/10

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Episode # 10633 ~ "Do the Dogg"

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Kathy

Cristian: Thanks again for helping me set up.

Ford: Are you kidding? Free chance to see Snoop?

Cristian: It's too bad Layla came down with the flu. You know, last time Snoop was in town, she was up on stage with him.

Ford: I wish I could have seen that.

Cristian: Yeah. Hey, what about you? Are you gonna invite this new girlfriend of yours?

Langston: Got to be in here somewhere. Ah, there we go.

Markko: Surprise.

Starr: Excuse me. Do you like it? Ha!

Cole: Uh, definitely.

Starr: Dani made me buy it.

Cole: Well, remind me to thank her.

Starr: Mmm. I wish she was still crashing here. It was fun having my new sister around.

Cole: Mmm. I wonder how much fun Téa's having now that she forced Dani to move in with her.

Dani: What are you hiding?

Téa: Don't you have homework to do?

Dani: Yeah. So what is that, some kind of a drug?

Greg: Yeah, I figured I owed you a great night out after giving you a hard time about your roommate.

Rachel: I figure you're right.

Greg: Ha ha. Look, I know you're close with Schuyler. And thinking about him stealing that oxytocin--

Rachel: You know what? Can we just put that whole mess on hold?

Greg: Yeah.

[Cell phone rings]

Greg: Excuse me. Oh, it's the hospital.

Rachel: You're not on call, are you?

Greg: No.

Rachel: Then why are they calling you?

Greg: I asked them to keep me posted about the premature baby that Schuyler brought in. This is Dr. Evans. Right. Hold on. I'm on the ethics committee. They accused Schuyler of signing out a drug used to induce early labor. We have to investigate.

Rachel: Do what you have to do.

Greg: If he did anything to contribute to that baby's illness, he'll be in deep trouble. This is Dr. Evans.

Téa: It's an exhibit for a case. Can't talk about it.

Dani: Oh, right. I forgot. You're good at keeping secrets. Hey, remember the one that you kept about who my biological father is?

Todd: Just stay on my daughter Dani. I want to know every move she makes. I'm just watching out for her. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Oh, you're moving out?

Blair: Yeah. With the boys.

Todd: Okay. No one's stopping you.

Blair: You want to tell me what you did with Jack?

Téa: You gonna hold this against me for the rest of your life?

Dani: Probably.

[Knock on door]

[Téa sighs]

Téa: Bet that's Matthew. I wonder what he came back for.

Dani: Mom!

Téa: Hey. I will be back.

[Dani sighs]

Dani: Hey.

Jack: Who the hell are you?

Matthew: Hey, guys.

Nora: Ah! Oh, we missed you so much when we were in Texas.

Matthew: I missed you, too.

Bo: Here you are.

Matthew: Hey, Dad.

Bo: Good to see you, son.

Matthew: You, too.

Nora: I hope it wasn't too crowded at your sister’s.

Matthew: No. It was fun.

Bo: Well, now that Mitch Laurence is in custody, I think things will maybe get back to normal around here.

Matthew: I hope so, but it was great what you guys did for Shane and Bree.

Bo: Yeah. Well, I'm still recovering from that. So how's it going, huh? What'd we miss?

Matthew: Nothing much.

Nora: Hey, hey, hey, hey. What is that on your cheek? Lipstick?

Snoop Dogg: Mmmm. This town has always had some fine sceneries. Blondes, brunettes, light, dark, and mocha. Well, look out, ladies of Llanview, the boss is back.

[Music playing]

Snoop Dogg: All that you get is one life to live all that I have is one life to live all that you get is one life to live all that I have is one life to live I try to do right I try to do right because I only got only got, only got, only got all that I have is one life to live

Todd: What the hell are you talking about? I didn't do anything with Jack.

Blair: Well, I just checked his room, and he's not there.

Todd: Well, I'm sure he's around here somewhere.

Blair: No, I looked everywhere, so where is he?

Todd: I don't know. God.

Blair: What do you mean, you don't know? Isn't he supposed to tell you when he goes?

Todd: Well, it's Jack. He's not exactly a model kid. At least he doesn't hate me.

Dani: Who the hell am I? You came to see me.

Jack: Now, why would I want to see you?

Dani: Nice welcome from my little brother.

Jack: What?

Dani: Starr's shown me about 200 pictures of you. Fortunately, pictures can't talk.

Jack: You're my sister?

Dani: Who were you expecting, Taylor Swift?

Jack: But you're, like, old.

Dani: What does that, like, mean?

Jack: I overheard my mom and dad talking, that my dad and Téa had a kid, so I figured you'd be my little sister. I thought you'd be, like, 8 or 9.

Dani: Well, I'm, like, not.

Jack: That makes no sense.

Dani: Well, get over it.

Jack: Like I need another big sister.

Dani: Like I need another mini-Todd.

Todd: You're right; he's not in his room.

Blair: Didn't I just say that?

Todd: Well, it doesn't hurt to check, does it?

Blair: Oh, my God. What if Mitch took him?

Todd: Oh, Mitch is in federal custody.

Blair: It's never stopped him before, Todd.

Todd: There's got to be another explanation.

Blair: Well, you care to share it with me?

Todd: I didn't say I knew what it was. Why are you even worried, anyway?

Blair: Because our son is missing, that's why?

Todd: Well, Starr was always missing! She's fine!

Langston: Markko, I--Markko, I got to get to work, okay? Sorry.

Markko: What, on the musical?

Langston: Yeah, sorry.

Markko: No problem. Lang, is everything okay?

Langston: What do you mean?

Markko: I feel like you're pulling away or something. Or is it all just in my head?

Ford: I wouldn't exactly call her my girlfriend. So asking her to see Snoop tonight...not gonna happen.

Cristian: You know, you said the same thing when I thought you and this mystery girl of yours should double with me and Layla. What's that about?

Rachel: What's wrong?

Greg: The baby needs major surgery on her heart.

Rachel: Oh, my God, is she gonna be okay?

Greg: They don't know yet. But if Schuyler gave that infant's mother oxytocin to induce early labor...

Rachel’s voice: So what am I supposed to do with it?

Téa: Let me take care of it.

Rachel: You?

Téa: It's safer than trying to hide it around here someplace where Greg will find it.

Greg: Rachel. Why do I get the feeling that you know more than you're telling me?

Matthew: Actually, I think--uh, I think it's lip gloss.

Nora: Lip gloss?

Bo: Hmm.

Matthew: Yeah, it must have rubbed off from when I hugged Danielle. You know, she's going through a very hard time right now with her mom and dad, so she needed a hug. I'm gonna go do my homework.

Bo: It's good to see him taking his education so seriously.

Nora: Oh, you don't buy that. I though he and Dani were just friends.

Bo: Well, they are, but maybe now just a little more than just friends. Okay, not long ago he told me that he and Dani had kissed. So what? I guess now his feelings have evolved.

Nora: E-evolved? Why didn't you tell me?

Bo: Because I was sworn to secrecy. And besides that, Téa took Dani away. He didn't think he'd ever see her again, and neither did I.

Nora: Oh, yeah, and guess what. Here she is.

[Nora sighs]

Nora: Do you really think this is such a good idea for our son to get close with Todd Manning's daughter?

Cole: Uh, the sitter just texted.

Starr: Oh, good. Is she on her way?

Cole: Uh-uh. She's not coming.

Starr: What? Why not?

Cole: She scored a ticket to Snoop Dogg.

Starr: Well, what are we gonna do? My mom has to be at Capricorn, and I don't want to ask my dad. What about your mom?

Cole: She's on call at the hospital. What about your grandma?

Starr: She's ice fishing in the Adirondacks.

Cole: Damn, that list of hers is long.

Starr: We're never gonna be able to find a baby-sitter at this time, and this was supposed to be our first date since we moved in together.

Cole: Hey, I know. I'm sorry, all right. This really, really sucks. But on the bright side, Hope's asleep, Langston and Markko are probably on their way to Capricorn, so we have the place to ourselves. I know it's not as exciting as Snoop, but...

Starr: It'll do.

Cole: It will do.

Starr: Ha ha!

Langston: I'm sorry if I've seemed distant. It's just... it's this damn musical. I--have this massive case of writer's block, and it's killing me.

Markko: Okay, uh, yeah. I kind of figured that when you left in the middle of the night to go write at the library. And when Starr’s mom came over because Mitch Laurence was after you and you weren't here...you don't want to know what I was thinking.

Langston: I'm so sorry about that. I just need to get this musical out of my system.

Markko: Maybe you should take a break.

Langston: I've tried. Trust me. I try so hard not to think about it, but it just keeps popping into my head every two minutes, and I just want to feel normal again. I just--I want to feel close to you again.

Markko: Well, you will. Babe, you will. Come on. Look, we're gonna have a great time seeing Snoop Dogg tonight. I really think it'll take your mind off this obsession for a while.

Cristian: So why are you keeping this girl a secret?

Ford: She's not a secret, man. She's just not into the whole dating thing.

Cristian: Why not? Is she with another guy or something?

Rachel: You are jumping to conclusions. Fine, you have to investigate Schuyler about the missing oxytocin, but you don't have evidence.

Greg: Yes, we do.

Rachel: What, one nurse's word? And even if he did take the drug, you don't know that he actually used it.

Greg: The baby was premature.

Rachel: But you don't know why yet. You have no evidence that this baby's problems were caused by someone inducing early labor.

Greg: No. Nothing concrete, but--

Rachel: Okay, so can we please drop it?

Destiny: Hey, I think they're almost done setting up. You think Snoop will give me his autograph? Am I interrupting something?

Greg: Not a thing. You look smoking.

Destiny: Shaun and I have been hitting the gym. It's our New Year's resolution since we both got dumped.

Greg: I didn't know that you and Matthew had gotten together.

Destiny: We didn’t. Thanks for reminding me.

Greg: I'm sorry it didn't work out, Des.

Destiny: I made my move. I told him how I felt. But he dropped the "let's be friends" line just like you did to Shaun.

Greg: Come on, Des.

Destiny: It's cool. Rachel's into you. Matthew's into Dani Rayburn.

Jack: So do you really think I'm like my dad?

Dani: It's not a compliment. Starr was way off. She thinks you're the bomb, but you're a moron just like your father.

Jack: Jeez, who would want you in the family? No wonder my dad kept you as a secret. Yo, Téa.

Téa: Yo, Jack, what are you doing here?

Jack: Wasting my time. I came here to meet my sister, but I could be doing some more fun things at my house like sticking my head down the garbage disposal.

Téa: Oh. Wait. Your dad isn't here with you, is he?

Dani: He better not be.

Jack: I'm going commando.

Dani: You're not wearing any underwear?

Jack: No, stupid. It means I'm flying solo.

Dani: No, stupid, it doesn’t. It means--

Téa: Jack, does your father even know you're here?

Jack: No. He didn't tell me about the soulless princess of adolescent fury, so why should I tell him I'm here?

Téa: Oh...

Todd: Jack was here. I saw him--

Blair: Well, good for you, Todd. Where is he now?

[Cell phone rings]

Blair: Is that Jack?

Todd: It's Téa. Hi there. You sure you got the right number? I thought you left me.

Téa: Jack's here. He wanted to meet Dani. Why didn't you tell him he had a sister?

Todd: Well, why didn't you tell me I had a daughter?

Téa: How many times am I gonna have to say sorry for that, huh? Jack's here. He's alive. I thought you'd want to know.

Todd: All right, I'll come and get him! Apparently Jack went to meet his sister. How the hell did he find out about her anyway?

Blair: You didn't bother to tell him that he had a sister?

Todd: Don’t. Ha ha. You sound like Téa.

Blair: You know what? And you sound like a jackass. Don't ever compare me--

Todd: What the hell difference does it make if Jack knows or not? Dani hates me. It's not like we're gonna be one big happy family anyway.

Blair: I'll go with you.

Todd: Oh, what's wrong? You worried that I'm gonna get back together with Téa? You change your mind? You want me, though.

Blair: In your dreams.

Snoop Dogg: You know, Blair Cramer’s gonna be looking real fine tonight. Um, she got some nice curves on her. But before I do, I got a place to be and a man to see. Llanview, what it do.

[Loud music playing]

Vivian: Scotch neat, huh? I thought you were the unpredictable type.

Greg: How are you, Vivian?

Vivian: Surprised to see you here. I heard you did the work of 10 doctors during the storm.

Greg: Yeah. Probably still running on adrenaline.

Vivian: Huh. So are you alone?

Greg: Uh, Vivian, I--I think that you are amazing, but I thought that I made it clear that I'm serious about Rachel.

Vivian: Oh, trust me, you did.

Rachel: Destiny, when you say Matthew and Dani are hooking up, you don't mean--

Destiny: I don't mean like how you and Greg are hooking up. I just meant she got him and I didn’t.

Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. That stinks.

Destiny: You know what stinks? Dani's cool.

Rachel: So you two have become friends?

Destiny: Yeah. Makes it kind of hard to hate her. So what's going on between you and Greg? I felt some heat between you guys. Not the good kind.

Jack: If you think you're moving in with my dad--

Dani: I wouldn't live with your father if he was the last person on earth. Your dad's a kinked-out perv--

Téa: Okay, Daniella, basta ya. Okay?

Jack: Don't worry, Téa. We're not in the market for a new family member, and if we were, it would definitely not be her.

Téa: That's enough from you, too, all right?

Jack: You've never yelled at me before.

Téa: Well, you and your sister have never been in the same room before.

Dani: Oh, and who's fault is that, Mom?

Jack: You mean it's not my dad's?

Téa: No. It is mine. I didn't tell your father about Daniella until recently.

Jack: Really?

Téa: Yeah.

Jack: That sucks.

Dani: Tell me about it.

Téa: Well, looks like I finally got you two to agree on something.

[Knock on door]

Téa: Uh...

[Téa sighs]

Blair: Well--

Téa: Oh, Blair, looks like you've gotten your claws into Todd already. This is a record for you. And for you, too, right?

Bo: I guess this is--this isn't exactly an ideal situation.

Nora: Our son is fraternizing with the spawn of Satan?

Bo: But if you--

Nora: I mean, she's a sweet girl. Don't get me wrong. She's really a lovely--

Bo: I know, but if you saw how miserable he was when he thought that she was gone for good, you would be happy for him.

Nora: Oh, I don't know about that.

Bo: No, no, no!

Nora: No, I really--I wish I could be happy. I wish I could, but I...

Bo: So what do we do? Do we punish him for who her parents are?

Nora: Oh, well, they are doozies, aren't they? I mean, Téa and I are just starting to be civil with each other.

Bo: Yeah. It's not exactly like Manning and I are drinking buddies.

Nora: Bo, how many times have you arrested him? Oh, my God, how many times have I prosecuted him?

Bo: Well, why? Do you think it'll come to that?

Nora: Are you kidding? Look what Todd Manning did to Cole when he found Cole and Starr in bed together. He beat the daylights out of that kid. He would do the same thing to Matthew in a heartbeat.

Langston: Oh!

Starr: Oh.

Cole: Uh, did you ever hear of knocking?

Markko: Uh, we live here, and now you know what it feels like.

Starr: Well, you don't have a bedroom with a baby in it.

Langston: Yeah, well, we thought you guys would be already on your way to Capricorn. What are you still doing here?

Starr: We're making the best out of a bad situation. Our sitter isn't coming, and now we can't find anyone else.

Langston: I'll do it. I'll stay home.

Ford: Her thing is her thing, man. I don't know. I don't feel right discussing other people--

Cristian: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to step in anyone's business. It's just that Layla keeps hounding me for, you know, gossip about you. And all I can tell her is that some girl left a scarf in your office.

Ford: Yeah, well, she'll come back for it one of these nights.

Bo: If Manning hurt Matthew, I would break his neck.

Nora: Oh, and I could use all those handy get out of jail free cards that are floating around the D.A.'s office, not to worry. We're covered.

Bo: All this is is a crush.

Nora: Yeah, well, things heat up pretty quickly when it comes to teenagers.

Bo: So what are we supposed to do? Tell him that he can't see her anymore?

Nora: Oh, well, that never works.

Bo: No. But you know, we took a hard line when we thought that he was smoking pot. All that did, it drove him away.

Nora: Do you have any more of those military school brochures?

Bo: Oh, come on, red, this will fizzle out.

Nora: Yeah?

Bo: Yeah.

Nora: Wish we could be sure of that. Too bad Delphina's not still in town.

Bo: Yeah, maybe she left one of her crystal balls around here somewhere.

Nora: You think it could tell us whether Matthew is in Todd's crosshairs?

[Knock on door]

Bo: A-ha!

Nora: We need advice, Bo, that's what we need.

Bo: No, no. I think that maybe she has heard you from across the astral plain. Calvin Broadus!

Snoop Dogg: Bo Buchanan, we meet again.

Bo: Ha ha!

Bo: Calvin, my man! Oh, come on in. Come on in. What brings you here?

Snoop Dogg: Well, you know, last time I was town, I did that gig and didn't give you a shout out. You kind of got mad at me, so I said, what could I do? I'm-a do another gig, this time make it bigger and better.

Bo: So you got a gig? Where?

Snoop Dogg: I'm at the Cap. And anybody who's anybody is gonna be there.

Markko: But we were just talking about how you need to take your mind off of the musical.

Langston: Yeah, but, I mean, I shouldn't be going out, not when I'm so far behind. I'll just stay and watch Hope, it's fine.

Starr: Come on, Langston, it's one night. Snoop Dogg could inspire you.

Cole: You can write the first rap opera.

Langston: Thanks, but I can't seem to get inspired ever since you guys won't let me write about you and Cole.

Starr: Oh, so now you're gonna make me feel worse by baby-sitting for us?

Langston: No. It's just that I know I'm not gonna be able to have a good time with this hanging over my head.

Markko: Okay, then, I'll just stay home with you.

Langston: No, don’t. I mean, I know how badly you want to see Snoop Dogg, and he's only in town for one night, and I really need to work on this alone. You guys really would be doing me a huge favor. Please?

Markko: Well, if it keeps you from running out to the library in the middle of the night again, then yeah, I'll go.

Cristian: Listen, you mind taking over the door while I check backstage?

Ford: Sure. What do I need to know?

Cristian: Rules are simple. You don't have a ticket, you don't get in. Except Starr and Cole, of course. They get in for free. Blair owns the place.

Ford: All right.

Cristian: Oh, and the same goes for Markko and Langston.

Snoop Dogg: And you coming to my show tonight. Two tickets. And make sure you bring a date.

Bo: Cool.

Nora: That would be me.

Snoop Dogg: Mm. You got an old lady now, huh?

Bo: Oh, no. Actually, this is my old old lady. Oh, God. What I mean is that this is Nora, and we were...

Snoop Dogg: Look, man, this lady right here needs no introduction. I know you.

Nora: Oh. Y-you know who I am?

Snoop Dogg: Yeah. You're Bo's ex, his baby's mom. You make his heart go pitty pat.

Bo: Ha ha.

Snoop Dogg: Now Asa finally got his wish.

Nora: Is there anyone Asa didn't tell?

Snoop Dogg: Now tell me, how did this all go down? So you met Bo's brother after Dr. Evans fixed up your kid, right?

Greg: Shaun and Vivian are dating.

Rachel: You don't say.

Shaun: Viv and I ran into each other in a club in Philly. We got to talking, and one thing led to the next. I'm sure you would have heard about it a little bit sooner, but me and my bro have been a little out of touch.

Vivian: Bet you're keeping the good doctor busy.

Mr. Evans: Ha! There she is!

Mrs. Evans: Oh, I was hoping I'd see you here.

Rachel: Oh, you guys are so sweet.

Mrs. Evans: Oh, look at you, Miss Vivian Wright. Oh, so...

[Indistinct chatter]

Bo: How do you know what happened with Nora and me?

Snoop Dogg: Well...

Matthew: Mom, could we order some pizza? I am starving.

Bo: Yeah.

Snoop Dogg: Man, I could use a slice, too.

Nora: Oh.

Matthew: It's--you're--

Snoop Dogg: Fo' shizzle.

Matthew: Oh, my God.

Bo: Calvin, this is my son.

Snoop Dogg: Kid Buchanan. Sued your pops, even though he's a cop. Took your mom to court with a summons and a tort. Got out your seat, now you back on your feet.

Bo: How do you know about all this?

Snoop Dogg: Well, you know, Snoop got the scoop from his East Coast protection--shiny Shaun Evans.

Mrs. Evans: Vivian Wright, you absolutely must come to Sunday dinner this week.

Vivian: Mmm. Only if you promise to make that roast again.

Mrs. Evans: Oh! I am so happy! Shaun finally found Ms. Right.

Mr. Evans: Ha! You mean Dr. Wright.

[Laughter]

Destiny: Hey, I just found out there's a table right by the stage with our name all over it.

Shaun: Snoop told me that he reserved this table just for us.

Destiny: Yay!

Matthew: Wait. You know Shaun? His sister Destiny is, like, my best friend.

Snoop Dogg: I know all about you and little "D." She gonna be at the Cap. You coming?

Matthew: Uh, could I bring somebody else? She's kind of new to town.

Nora: Uh, you know, it's actually a school night. I don't think it's such a good idea.

Snoop Dogg: Is little "B" getting F's?

Bo: No.

Nora: No, of course not.

Snoop Dogg: Then don't say no, No-ra. You and "B" gonna be there. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna be there. It's gonna be a beautiful thing. Let him come have a good time. He'll be just fine, right?

Bo: I think Calvin is right. I mean, what is the harm?

Nora: Okay, sure, why not?

Matthew: Thanks, Snoop.

Snoop Dogg: No fingerprints. You enjoy yourself.

Blair: You know, Téa, not that it's any of your business, but Todd and I are not--

Todd: Blair and I are not together, Téa.

Jack: Your mom and my mom fight over my dad like two dogs with a bone. Always have.

[Cell phone rings]

Dani: Hey. Are you kidding? I--I'd go see Kenny G if it would get me out of here. I'll meet you there. Bye. Mom, Matthew just asked me to go see Snoop Dogg. Can I please--

Todd: Matthew? No, no, no. You're not going anywhere with Matthew Buchanan.

Dani: You're trying to tell me that I can't go out with Matthew Buchanan? Seriously?

Téa: Okay. We're done here. Todd, Blair, please take Jack home now.

Todd: Are you seriously gonna let our daughter go out by herself?

Téa: If you must know, I am going with her.

Dani: Wh--you lie to me my entire life, and I'm the one that can't be trusted? You're such a hypocrite. And you, what do you think is gonna happen? What, is Matthew gonna get drunk with a bunch of his frat buddies...

Téa: Daniella!

Dani: And do Todd knows what?

Jack: Hey, stupid, it's God knows what.

Dani: You're right, Jack. My mistake.

Todd: Just trying to keep you safe, Danielle.

Dani: Bull. You're trying to control me, and you can't even control yourself.

Snoop Dogg: Kid "B" you a player. Two dimes at the same time? Mmm.

Matthew: What? Dimes?

Snoop Dogg: Look, you got little "D" on the left, and you got baby on the right. That's a player. That's two times at the same time.

Matthew: Yeah, but, you know, Destiny's just a friend.

Snoop Dogg: Look, little "D" got it going on, but if you think the ride is fly, you must buy.

Dani: Do you care what happens to me?

Todd: Well, of course, you--

Dani: Well, then ask me how my first day of school was. Go ahead, ask.

[Todd scoffs]

Todd: How was your first day of school?

Dani: It was great. I'd never been to a school where people point at me like I was a freak. And can you guess why they did that? Because they found out that I'm your daughter.

Matthew: Uh, it's cool. I got a handle on the girl situation.

Bo: You do?

Snoop Dogg: I feel you, but I feel like, you know, your father would have saved hisself a world of trouble if he'd have just kept it real with your moms.

Bo: You know, I think Calvin’s right. We would have been a lot better off if we'd have kept it real. But you know what? Everything's working out just great now. So how is everything with you and Shante?

Snoop Dogg: Well, as you know, we renewed our vows. Kids is growing like weeds. Choc--boy, is she crazy. Better keep her away from young kid Buchanan 'cause he's a player from the Himalayas.

Dani: I told Matthew I'd meet him at the concert. I'm going to get changed.

Todd: I am not gonna let Bo and Nora’s son maul our daughter.

Téa: I told you, I am going with her.

Todd: All right, I'm going with you.

Blair: Hey! I guess we're all gonna be there. Now, won't that be special?

Jack: I'm coming, too.

Blair: No, you are not. No. Hey, you snuck out of your father's house. You're going straight to bed, young man.

Jack: Mom?

Blair: What?

Jack: Do you think I'm not gonna sneak out again?

Blair: Ah.

Todd: Forget it, Jack. You're too young to go to the club. Won't make any difference.

Jack: It's Mom's club. She'll let me in.

Blair: Oh, I will, will I? Yeah, you think?

Jack: Hey, you guys owe me for not telling me that I have another sister. Capiche? Okay.

Ford: Hey, guys. Hey, Markko.

Starr: Hey.

Ford: You got your tickets? No tickets, no entry.

Starr: Look, I don't know if you know this, but my mom owns this place--

Ford: Hey, come on, I'm just jerking your chain. It's okay. Go on in. Ha.

Cole: Very funny.

Ford: Oh, and Starr, your mom has Langston down for a comp, too.

Starr: Oh, she's not coming.

Ford: Oh, she's not sick, is she? My roommate Layla's got the flu.

Starr: No, she's fine. She's babysitting my daughter while she works on her play.

Langston: Okay. Act one...

Ford: Hey, Cris, you mind if I, uh, you mind if I take off? I'm not feeling so good.

Cristian: Yeah, sure. Go home. I hope you didn't get Layla's flu. You have a fever?

Ford: Maybe. I feel like I'm on fire.

Snoop Dogg: Shaun, what's up, boy?

Shaun: It's good, baby.

Snoop Dogg: Good to see you.

Shaun: I'm all right.

Snoop Dogg: I feel like I know you all already, especially you, little "D." Shaun told me about you, and you are even prettier than Beyoncé. And you must be Mr. and Mrs. "E."

Mrs. Evans: Oh.

Snoop Dogg: It's a pleasure to meet you.

Mrs. Evans: Oh, Shaun has told me so many wonderful things about you.

Snoop Dogg: You know what? For a second, you kind of reminded me of someone else.

Mrs. Evans: Oh. Well, somebody you like, I hope.

Snoop Dogg: Someone who used to always deliver the goods. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Where your bro at?

Shaun: South Pole.

Destiny: I think something's going down with him and Rachel.

Rachel: Your parents really like Vivian, don't they?

Greg: Don't let it get to you.

Rachel: Why would it get to me, just because your mother made me feel invisible over Thanksgiving?

Greg: Well, she spoke to you on the plane on the way back from Seattle.

Rachel: Huh. I think you mean lectured. And she just happened to forget to set a plate for me at Christmas. Thank God you guys don't celebrate Kwanzaa.

Greg: Actually, we do. I just didn't invite you. Ha. That was meant as a joke. I'm gonna get another drink. You want something?

Rachel: Yeah, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Dani: Oh, Matthew. Bye, Mom.

Téa: Oh, hey, oh! Hi. Don't ever have a teenager.

Rachel: Yeah, well, that's looking like it's not gonna be a problem.

Téa: Well, what do you mean?

Rachel: What did you do with that bottle of oxytocin I gave you?

Téa: Don't worry. I locked it in my safe.

Rachel: Greg knows I know something. I don't know what to do.

Téa: Maybe you should try coming clean.

Blair: Hey! So where's Langston?

Starr: Oh, well, we couldn't find a babysitter, and she offered.

Blair: What? She's gonna miss Snoop Dogg!

Starr: I know, but she wanted time to work on the musical. You know how crazy she's been about that lately.

Blair: Yeah.

Starr: You know, going to the library at midnight.

Blair: You know what, Markko? I got a real good idea. I think maybe you should go over and surprise her.

[Knock on door]

Markko: You know, that actually is a really good idea.

Blair: Well, then what are you standing here for? Get gone! Go, go, go, go!

Markko: Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

Starr: Markko, you shouldn’t.

Markko: Why not?

Starr: Because Langston really needs to concentrate on the musical, and if she doesn't finish in time, she'll have a nervous breakdown.

Markko: You think?

Starr: Yeah. You know, just let her do what she needs to do.

Dani: My stalker father actually tried to stop me from going out with you tonight. Can you believe that?

Cole: Uh, yeah. He did the same thing to Starr. He hates me.

Matthew: Well, you know what? He's gonna have to hate me, too, 'cause I'm going out with you as long as you want to.

Starr: Dad, please do not do to Dani and Matthew what you did to Cole and me.

Nora: I really don't think we should have let Matthew come here tonight. We're just adding fuel to the fire.

Bo: Ah, psh. You want to talk about adding fuel to a fire? Try keeping two people who are absolutely crazy about each other from being together. That is one powerful aphrodisiac.

Nora: Ha ha.

Langston: What are you doing here?

Ford: You, uh, left this in my office.

Langston: Thanks.

Ford: You alone?

Langston: No.

Ford: Is Markko here?

Langston: Um, I have to get back to work, so, uh, bye.

Ford: Hey, hey. Need some help with that musical?

Blair: Hey, put your hands together and make some noise for Llanview’s own Snoop Dogg!

[Cheering]

[Music starts]

Snoop Dogg: Oh who we talkin' 'bout? Snoop Dogg put your hands up Snoop Dogg put your hands up Llanview, come on hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey it's ya eastside partner big Snoopy d-o turned like d-lo catch me on your tivo long beach with me the city and the turf, chump get turf stomped messin' with the turf, punk I'm geeked up I'm on my tip girl turn it up, boo what you here foe? I'm goin' all in that's what I do my little homies jerkin what's up with you? This little rappin' the homies tappin' out I'm almost 20 in what you rappin' 'bout? My homies peeled up and goin' to New Orleans I'm all in the club rollin' you see the g you better know the deal you see the fellas fool I'm in the streets for real I'm kickin' on these chicks do 'em like dominos I slam 'em on they back and tell 'em vamanos I wanna rock right now who we talking about? Rock, rock right now I want to rock right now who we talkin' 'bout? Rock, rock, right now yeah, heads up I wanna rock right now who we talkin' 'bout? Snoop Dogg who we talkin' 'bout? Snoop Dogg the brother with way more... Llanview, come on put your hands together come on hey I wanna rock right now hey hey ooh I see 'em comin', huh that's what I heard em say the .38 the same color as the Chevrolets 501's on a gangsta lookin' good I'm in the club, Holmes chuck'n up the hood we the west boy yeah, you see the shirt I'm blowin' on that Kobe messin' wit that purp I gotta get 'er mayne baby hella thick she said her name was seven well, call me Michael Vick 'cause I'm a dog give 'em the...and dash whatchu called fo' if I ain't hit dat I'm Snoopy d-o-dubb I get it poppin, cuz and when I'm in the buildin' they get to poppin' up they get to spending' cash screamin' T.I.U. Now gon' turn it up lil' mama, look at you I'm giggin' on these chicks do 'em like dominoes and slam 'em on they back and tell 'em vamanos I wanna rock right now who we talkin' 'bout? Rock, rock who we talkin' 'bout? I wanna rock right now what we talkin' 'bout? Rock, rock Llanview, come on hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey boss Dogg chillin' I'm lookin' like a million yeah, you know I got it I'ma leave it to my chil'ren tonight I'm on another list and baby lovin' it she have a fast grip just like the oven mitt I'm hooked up, boy I'm rich as hell, boy black and gold brakes that's my truck, boy I'm on my eastside and I'm workin' I got the party goin' and it's jerkin' we rollin' out big we comin' up quick in most cities you betta pick a chick 'cause when I shut it down the party's over wit she call me superman I'm on my soldier list boss Dogg get 'em I sick 'em and take 'em home west coast, fool I'm sittin' on my throne I'm giggin' on these chicks do 'em like dominoes and slam 'em on they back and tell 'em vamanos I wanna rock right now who we talkin' 'bout? Snoop Dogg

[Cheering]

Snoop Dogg: Llanview, what it do? So happy to be back home. Thank you, ladies.

Langston: Oh, dear.

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