OLTL Transcript Friday 9/18/09

One Life to Live Transcript Friday 9/18/09

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Episode # 10526 ~ Who Sleeps with the Fishes?

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Kathy

Langston: Hello, Hopie. How's my girl?

Starr: Do not call her Hopie. Cole hates that.

Langston: Well, we like it, don't we, Hopie?

[Laughter]

Starr: Markko's coming, right?

Langston: Uh, yeah, as soon as his class gets out.

Starr: Okay. How does it feel to date a college guy?

Langston: I keep having visions of sorority girls dancing in my head.

Starr: You really think he's gonna cheat on you?

Langston: Well, not on purpose, but everybody has their limits. They have coed showers.

Starr: He's living with my aunt. You guys are totally solid.

Langston: Yeah, that's what every couple thinks when they're together. I mean, look at your parents.

Starr: You're comparing you and Markko to my mom and dad?

Langston: How many times have they been married?

Starr: To each other or in total?

Langston: I bet every time they thought it would last.

Starr: Actually, I think they still do.

Téa: So why don't you stop playing games, man up, and tell me what's really going on?

Blair: You know what, Téa? That's a fine idea.

Téa: So what is it? What is your problem with me and Todd getting married?

Blair: Oh, well, actually, this has nothing to do with me.

Téa: Oh, no?

Blair: No. I think I've been very respectful of you and Todd.

Téa: Ho ho. Respectful? Like when you threw yourself between us at Viki’s wedding?

Blair: Oh, I was just escorting Dorian.

Téa: Into what, the drunk tank?

Blair: You know, I don't really care what you do. You can just flaunt your so-called relationship all over this stupid town, but don't you dare come into my house --

Téa: Oh, so what you think what Todd and I have is a sham?

Blair: Well, why else would you be asking my children for their blessing?

Téa: Because their father wants them involved in his life.

Blair: Oh, no. See, I think you want this engagement of yours to look like the real thing.

Téa: Why wouldn't it be the real thing?

Blair: I don't know, Téa. Why don't you tell me? [Clears throat]

Téa: I don't know what you're talking about.

Blair: I know who you are, I know what you are, and I know what you're hiding, every last little thing.

Todd: I know you're in there. You left your flip-flop out here. What's the matter, my wife won't buy you some decent clothes? You know, it's my money she's spending...which means I get final approval on all her men, so why don't you come out right now and show your face, and I can decide whether I want to tear it off or not? Hello! Come on out.

George: “How to Tell Your Parents You're Gay”?

Oliver: I -- I can explain.

George: You don't have to. I think we understand.

Natalie: Cut that out, you two.

Jessica: How long have you been standing there?

Natalie: Long enough to hear the nurses fighting over who was gonna give Brody the next sponge bath.

Brody: That's not true.

Jessica: It better not be. I'll scratch their eyes out.

Natalie: So, how is Llanview's newest hero?

Jessica: Uh, about the same as he was when you saw him here this morning.

Natalie: What? Am I not allowed to come visit twice?

Jessica: Natalie, what am I missing here?

Natalie: Did Uncle Bo make her a detective when he came to visit you?

Brody: Maybe next week.

Jessica: Natalie, what's going on?

Natalie: Okay, all right it's -- something happened at B.E. It's not a big deal. We just -- we had to warn you.

Jared: Natalie? Help me.

Natalie: Oh, my God. Oh, God!

[Knock on door]

Nick: Kyle? Hey, you there? Paging Dr. Lewis.

Kyle: Hey.

Nick: Hey yourself. I hope you have the proper glasses because I do not do champagne in paper cups.

Kyle: What's that for?

Nick: You're welcome.

Kyle: Ha. Thank you.

Nick: Huh.

Kyle: You still haven't told me what we're celebrating now.

Nick: My hot boyfriend just got admitted to medical school.

Kyle: Re-admitted.

Nick: Details. My mom always wanted me to end up with a hot doctor.

Oliver: Did you just say that you understand?

George: Well, it's not much of a surprise. I think in fact you could say we pretty much figured.

Oliver: How?

George: We're not blind, son. And this just clinches it.

Oliver: This isn't what I expected.

George: When you've been a cop as long as I have, you see it all.

Oliver: I don't know what to say.

George: Well, you don't have to say anything. It's clear as day. Cristian here is a homosexual.

Téa: I'm not hiding anything.

Blair: Right. Téa Delgado’s life is one big open book. Ha.

Téa: But you know that already, don't you? Since your little expedition into my past didn't turn up any skeletons.

Blair: Todd told you, did he?

Téa: Oh, does that come as a shock to you?

Blair: What, that Todd actually told the truth?

Téa: That anyone does.

Blair: Oh, what, because I'm such a big, fat liar, and what you have found with Todd -- actually, what you have made with Todd by lying, scheming, mindless, emotionless sex is just so pure and honest.

Téa: You don't know the first thing about me and Todd. Or about being honest with the man you love.

Blair: Well, I'll tell you what I do know. I know all about secrets. I know oodles of them.

Téa: Ha ha. Well, good for you.

Blair: Yeah, you know what? It is good for me.

Téa: Mm-hmm.

Blair: Because I know what you're hiding while you and Todd are over there on your astral plain.

Téa: What are you talking about?

Blair: I'm talking about your big secret. You know, the big one, the one that you don't want Todd to find out. Because if he knew, it would stop him right in his tracks from ever marrying you.

Ross: Where's that cell phone?

Todd: Ah, I'm sorry. Maybe I went too far with that whole "tear your face off" thing, but I hear about some guy hanging around my kids in a bathing suit, and I just get a little carried away. And for all I know, you're a swell guy. I'm sure you couldn't help yourself against my ex-wife's powers, and I'm sure you wouldn't have gotten involved in any of this if you'd know that...a crazy ex like me would be around. So now you have two options. You either come out and make nice... or you can stay at the cabana while I burn it down.

Langston: Okay, what do you know that I don't?

Starr: My dad's getting married.

Langston: To your mom?

Starr: To Téa.

Langston: Oh, my -- when did you find that out?

Starr: Right before he picked me up.

[Hope fusses]

Starr: Oh, honey.

Langston: That was fast.

Starr: I know, right? A little too fast.

Langston: What are you thinking?

Starr: Nothing. My mom and him, they just still run in each other's blood.

Langston: Even when they're fighting?

Starr: Especially when they're fighting. I guess some people just can't stay apart.

Cole: 10 bucks says you read them all tonight.

Markko: Oh, you're on. I need the money.

Starr: Oh, look who it is!

Langston: Mmm.

Cole: Hey, baby girl.

Starr: Hey!

Cole: Hi.

Langston: Well, it sounds like you had a good first day of classes, huh?

Markko: Yeah, too bad I'll be up until tomorrow finishing the reading.

Langston: Well, at least you're not still trying to learn the Imparfait from Madame Shaunessy or anything.

Markko: Yeah, you're right. That does suck. Ah, hey, man, what are we doing talking about homework? Wait till you guys hear Cole's news.

Starr: What news?

Markko: Go on, man, tell him.

Cole: Well, this right here is what you call a G.E.D.

Starr: What?

Cole: Yes. I'm officially out of high school.

Starr: Ah! Ha ha! Oh!

Jessica: We need a doctor!

Natalie: Don't move.

Jared: I'm fine!

Natalie: No, you are not fine. You drove all the way over here and you didn't even take yourself to the E.R.?

Jared: That's 'cause I was worried about you.

Natalie: Me? I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me.

Jessica: Right -- right here.

Nurse: Ma'am, may I? What's your name, sir?

Jared: Banks. Jared Banks.

Nurse: You're pretty beat up. Did you lose consciousness?

Jared: No.

Jessica: Did he say what happened?

Natalie: Not yet.

Nurse: Okay, we'll get you down to the E.R.

Jared: I'm fine.

Natalie: Jared, you look like you've been hit by a bus.

Jared: Yeah? Well, you should see the other guy.

Brody: What other guy?

Nurse: You could have a head injury, sir.

Jared: I'm not going anywhere, okay?

Natalie: Jared, honestly, you need to see a doctor.

Jared: What, and leave you alone so that freak can come after you?

Brody: What freak?

Jared: The -- the guy. The stalker. The -- he came after me right after you left.

Cole: I'm going to L.U. I registered this morning.

Starr: Oh, your mom must be over the moon.

Cole: Yeah, pretty much.

Markko: Dude, we are gonna have the best time.

Langston: Oh, ha ha. Try not to make it too good of a time, okay?

Markko: Do you honestly think that I'm gonna cheat on you? Between classes and work, I won't have time.

Langston: In a target-rich environment.

Markko: What am I gonna do, bring the girls back to Mrs. Banks' house?

Langston: Oh, that's the only thing that's stopping you?

Starr: You know, our next mission is to find you your own place.

Markko: No, no, no. Right now, we just need to celebrate.

Starr: Oh!

Langston: All right. Bye-bye, Hope.

Aurelia: So, school went well?

Markko: Mom.

Aurelia: I can't wait to hear all about it.

Layla: You think Cris is gay?

Cristian: Didn't you hear? It's as plain as day.

George: Now it all makes sense.

Cristian: Like what?

George: Well, Oliver not wanting us to come visit. He's been having a hard time ever since he moved in with you.

Cristian: Because I'm gay?

George: Well, look, no offense, but it's not as if he has a lock on his bedroom door. Anybody would be a...feel uncomfortable.

Oliver: I'm not uncomfortable, Dad.

George: You've been acting strange since you got here. Oliver was not raised that way.

Cristian: What way is that?

George: Look, I know it's not politically correct, but I'm not gonna apologize for it. Our family does not believe in the homosexual lifestyle.

Téa: So what is it, Blair? What's my big, bad secret?

Blair: Well, Téa, it's your secret. But of course if you want me to say it out loud --

Téa: There's nothing you can say or do that will stop me and Todd from getting married.

Blair: Is that a fact?

Téa: Yes, it is, so go ahead, come on, do your worst.

[Cell phone chimes]

Téa: Come on, put your money where your mouth is and let me know what it is.

Blair: I got to go.

Téa: Oh, no, no, no, no. You're not going anywhere.

Blair: I don't have time for this!

Téa: Well, I want you to make time.

Blair: You want out of this... with Todd.

Téa: Of what?

Blair: This wedding. This marriage.

Téa: That's ridiculous.

Blair: Oh, yeah?

Téa: Yeah.

Blair: Then why are you making him jump through hoops?

Téa: Since when is a proper courtship constituted a hoop?

Blair: Well, then why are you asking for my kids' blessing?

Téa: No, no. I want his kids to approve of our wedding.

Blair: Pfft. That's bull. You just want an excuse to bail.

Téa: Why would I want an excuse to bail?

Blair: Because you can't live up to Todd's standards.

Téa: Ha ha. That standard being you?

Blair: You know, I think it's strange that a man with so many flaws can’t accept them in others, don't you?

Téa: Maybe that's what happened between you and him.

Blair: But you're so perfect you don't worry, right?

Téa: Oh...I'm not perfect, Blair.

Blair: Yeah, I know that, but Todd thinks that you are, and you are terrified that he's gonna find out the truth about you. I think that just about sums it up.

Todd: Well, it looks like I've got everything I need except marshmallows and graham crackers.

Ross: Don't do anything stupid, man.

Todd: No. I take my grilling very seriously.

Ross: Ah...what, are you really gonna burn the house down?

Todd: Well, no, technically it's a cabana, but yes, it's my specialty, you might say. So what's it gonna be? We gonna have a nice chat or am I gonna make a shish kebab out of you?

Ross: Argh. Blair, where the hell are you?

Todd: Do you prefer rare or medium or well done?

Blair: What the hell is wrong with you?

Todd: What is wrong with you?

Blair: Me? You just tried to light the house on fire.

Todd: Yeah, I'm trying to smoke out the man whore you got in there.

Blair: Man whore?

Todd: Yeah, that's right. Don't bother denying it. Jack told me everything.

Blair: Well, he'll say anything. He's just trying to get attention.

Todd: Well, why don't you give it to him instead of your boy toy?

Blair: Oh, excuse me; I think you're the one that tried to shove Téa down his throat.

Todd: I don't hear you denying anything here.

Blair: And why do you care whether I have a guest or not, huh?

Téa: That's a good question.

Todd: All right, don't worry. Everything is fine here.

Blair: Except your fiancé tried to light the house on fire.

Téa: Oh.

Todd: Nobody was gonna get hurt.

Téa: How do you know?

Todd: I know how to control a fire.

Téa: Oh, like you did the last time we got married when I almost died of smoke inhalation?

Todd: That was an accident.

Blair: Ahh...don't worry, Téa. This time he knows somebody's locked inside.

Todd: Yes, and all he has to do is come out and have a little chat.

Blair: Why? What for?

Téa: You still haven't answered my question: What do you care what Blair does or with whom she does it?

Todd: No, no. I don't care about Blair. It's about Jack. I'm worried about him. I have a right to know who's playing daddy to him.

Blair: No, you don’t.

Todd: Well, you know, you've been saying the same thing about Téa since she and I got together.

Blair: Are you sure that's all there is to it?

Todd: Yes. What else would there be?

Blair: Oh. That's right, Todd, you know, total honesty.

Todd: All right, I'm tired of waiting. If you don't come out by the time I get to 5 --

Blair: Todd, wait!

Todd: 1.

Blair: Wait.

Todd: 5.

Blair: Todd.

Nurse: You could have a cracked rib.

Jared: Okay, I'm not going anywhere!

Natalie: Jared!

Jared: I will go to the E.R. as soon as we are finished here, okay? I promise.

Natalie: Come sit down. Please.

Brody: Jared, tell us everything that happened.

Jared: Look, Natalie and I were in my office with Clint. My -- my assistant came in with the mail.

Brody: You got another package?

Natalie: Yep, same as before, addressed to both of us.

Jared: Another DVD from the stalker. This time he showed himself.

Natalie: He was shadowy, and he distorted his voice.

Brody: What did he say?

Natalie: That we were responsible for Nash's death and that he was going to make us pay.

Brody: So what did you do after you saw this?

Jared: Clint went to talk to security.

Natalie: And I came here.

Jared: She wanted to warn you.

Brody: So once you were alone...

Jared: I got jumped.

Jessica: I can't believe this.

Brody: You're lucky you're not worse off.

Jared: I don't think the guy wanted to hurt me.

Natalie: Well, you don't call this being hurt?

Jared: Look, all the -- this was from me fighting him off.

Brody: So if he didn't want to hurt you...

Jared: It felt like a botched kidnapping.

Nick: What's wrong?

Kyle: I -- I can't do this.

George: You seem like a good guy. It's gonna be hard to tell your parents that you're homosexual.

Cristian: Some parents are worse than others.

George: Well, I would -- I would just think twice before you do it.

Cristian: And why is that?

George: Well, you're gonna break their hearts.

Cristian: Don't worry. My father died when I was a kid.

George: I'm sorry. That explains it.

Cristian: Explains what?

George: Well, you -- you never had anybody show you how to be a man. But it's time to fix that. You know, we have a group at our church, meets every Sunday morning, and I'm sure you could find something like that in Llanview.

Cristian: So I can get fixed?

George: It's a sickness, son.

Oliver: Dad, this is none of your business.

George: I'm trying to help your roommate.

Oliver: You don't know anything about him.

George: Do you think he enjoys being like this?

Cristian: There's nothing wrong with me, sir. You know, as far as I'm concerned, you're the one with the problem.

George: Do you like living this lifestyle?

Cristian: It's not a lifestyle. Look, this is who I am, okay? And I'm not gonna change. For anyone. No one should have to change.

George: That's too bad. Look, Oliver, let's go.

Oliver: Where are we going?

George: To find you a new apartment.

Oliver: Dad, I live here.

George: Not anymore you don’t.

Oliver: I can't just leave.

George: Don't worry about the rent. We'll help you out if we can't find a place that you can afford.

Oliver: Dad, would you just wait.

George: You're not staying with these people.

Oliver: I like these people.

George: No. You only think you do.

Oliver: Hell, I don't need my father to tell me what I think. I'm a grown man.

Cristian: With all due respect, sir, I think you and your wife are the ones who need to leave.

George: I'm not going anywhere without my son.

Oliver: Then stay! Stay, Dad, and let's talk about this!

George: There's nothing to talk about. Your roommate is a degenerate. He's going to hell.

Oliver: So am I, then.

George: What?

Oliver: Dad, Cris isn't gay. I am.

Brody: If he wanted to kidnap you, he'd have to knock you out or subdue you. He can't just grab you and drag you down the halls of Buchanan Enterprises.

Jared: If the guy wanted me dead, he'd have killed me.

Jessica: But in your office?

Jared: Natalie had just left. My assistant was on her break.

Brody: Well, someone in another office would have heard something.

Jared: It's like you said, he could have hit me over the head or slit my throat.

Natalie: Jared, don't even, please!

Jessica: Don't talk like that!

Brody: Sorry, but he didn't do those things.

Natalie: Tell us what happened.

Jared: The guy put his hand over my mouth. He started to drag me to the door. He put me in a sleeper hold.

Natalie: So he was trying to knock you out.

Jared: That's when I fought back.

Brody: You get a look at the guy?

Jared: Not really. He grabbed me from behind.

Brody: Anything on his hands? He have a watch or tattoos?

Jared: I was a little preoccupied with trying to get him off my back fast.

Brody: Then he took off?

Jared: Yeah. He punched me pretty good. All I could see was stars. And then I drove over here on pure adrenaline.

Brody: What did security do?

Jared: I don't know.

Natalie: Jared, it's okay.

Brody: But if Clint beefed up security...

Jared: I didn't take the time to stop and chat.

Brody: So you don't know if they saw anything.

Jared: I just wanted to get to Natalie.

Natalie: Well, you're lucky I was at the hospital.

Jared: I'm sorry I scared you. I just -- if he got to you or Jess...

Brody: I don't think he'd press his luck today, not after you got away from him.

Jared: But what if he did, Brody? You're not in any sort of shape to protect anybody.

Jessica: Okay, okay, okay. So what's our next move? Because this guy isn't hanging around and just leaving packages anymore. You know, he went after you. Who's he gonna go after next?

Todd: Twinkle toes?

Ross: Dude, I have a name.

Blair: Oh, Chad, I am just so sorry about all this.

Todd: I see. So aquaboy came back to give you a private lesson?

Blair: Among other things.

Todd: Don't tell me you're actually seeing this chump?

Blair: Well, I don't think seeing is the word that I would use, actually.

Todd: God, you're so disgusting.

Blair: You douse the cabana with lighter fluid, and I'm disgusting?

Todd: At least I maintain my self-respect. I mean, you can do better than this.

Blair: What, like you?

Todd: No, sir, I'm taken.

Blair: Oh, no, sir, that's right. You have only eyes for Téa, right?

Todd: Yeah, that's right.

Blair: Really? Well, then where did your betrothed run off to? Hey, Todd, don't forget my wedding invitation. Chad might be my plus one.

Oliver: Did you hear me? I'm --

George: We heard.

Oliver: This isn't how I wanted to tell you. You know, actually I never really thought that I would, but then you found the book, and it's not Cristian's.

George: What? You're saying it's yours?

Oliver: Cristian bought it for me when I told him you were coming to visit.

George: Why? Why would he do that?

Oliver: Because he saw how scared I was, dad, that you'd find out the truth, and he didn't think that I should keep living like that.

George: Huh. You're a good guy, Oliver.

Oliver: What does that mean?

George: You're trying to help your roommate. I know. But this isn't the way to do it.

Oliver: Dad, this isn't about Cris.

George: He's got to stand up like a man, and he's got to do it himself.

Oliver: I'm doing this for myself.

George: What, saying that you're a homosexual?

Oliver: I was always afraid to. Cris and Layla are basically the first people that I've ever told. Dad, I'm gay.

George: They know about this?

Oliver: Yeah. And they've been trying to help me ever since, even though I don't deserve it.

George: Wha...

Oliver: Dad, I hurt so many people pretending to be something that I'm not, but I can't pretend anymore. Don't you have anything to say?

Layla: I know this is a shock.

Oliver: Layla --

Layla: No. It's okay. But after it sinks in, you'll see Oliver is the same guy today as he was yesterday.

George: You don't know anything about my son.

Layla: I know he's the guy that people count on, that they confide --

George: Enough. I know who Oliver is.

Oliver: No, dad, you don’t. But Mom does.

George: What is he talking about, Barbara?

Oliver: Tell him, Mom. He won't listen to me, but he'll listen to you. Tell him the truth.

Markko: Hi, Mom.

Langston: Hi, Mrs. Rivera.

Aurelia: I was hoping to catch you after classes.

Markko: I'll be right back, you guys.

Cole: You think that's good news or bad news?

Langston: With Markko's parents, I've learned to not get my hopes up.

Starr: Lang, she didn't seem upset.

Cole: And she came all the way down here.

Langston: You think she's finally seen the light?

Aurelia: You look good.

Markko: Thanks.

Aurelia: College obviously agrees with you. It didn't seem right that I should miss your first day. How was it?

Markko: Um, classes seem interesting. I like my professors...so far.

Aurelia: And were you able to get any housing money from the financial aid office?

Markko: But I'll be out of Mrs. Banks' soon.

Aurelia: She asked you to leave?

Markko: No. She's been really nice, but I think I almost have enough money to rent a room somewhere.

Aurelia: Here, use this.

Markko: But, Mom --

Aurelia: Oh, it's nothing. It's just a little something I squirreled away out of the household money.

Markko: What's Dad gonna say?

Aurelia: Don't worry about that.

Markko: He doesn't know you're here. I'm never gonna get to come home again, am I?

Aurelia: I've been working on your father.

Markko: Yeah, good luck with that.

Aurelia: He's stubborn, just like you.

Markko: Stop.

Aurelia: It's true. He might be from a different time, but --

Markko: Stop. Stop trying to change his mind. The longer I'm gone, the more Dad gets used to it. So do I. And we should just accept it.

Aurelia: A son and a husband not speaking to each other?

Markko: It happens.

Aurelia: Not in our family. We can work this out.

Markko: No, we can’t.

Aurelia: Geraldo?

Markko: Mom, this isn't some stupid little thing about who breaks first. This is about who I love, and I love Langston.

Aurelia: Geraldo, that girl is -- she's not like us.

Markko: So -- so what should I do? Should I stop loving her because dad says so? What kind of person would I be if I did that? I would never, never ask you or Dad to do that for me.

Aurelia: I know, and you're a good person, Geraldo.

Markko: Yeah, well, when Dad figures that out, he can come and find me, but until then, I won't be home.

Aurelia: I'm sorry I upset you.

Markko: Mom --

Aurelia: I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. My little boy's all... all grown up.

Markko: Mom --

Aurelia: And I can't wait to hear about college.

Nick: Was it something I said or did?

Kyle: You didn't do anything. You're great.

Nick: Then what is it? Why are you pulling away from me?

Kyle: It's just, uh, I'm on duty soon at the hospital.

Nick: What kind of duty?

Kyle: Fourth-year students are externs.

Nick: What, is that like an intern?

Kyle: Sort of. We don't live at the hospital.

Nick: Thank God.

Kyle: We have lots more restrictions on... you know, we, uh...I'll be taking medical histories, giving basic care, drawing blood.

Nick: What's that like?

Kyle: Drawing blood?

Nick: Yeah.

Kyle: It's like taking this little bitty needle and trying to find a vein you only read about in textbooks.

Nick: Well, that sounds scary.

Kyle: Yeah, lucky for me I worked in a lab, so --

Nick: So you're an old hand.

Kyle: Still my first day, though.

Nick: Yeah, but don't you think you should show up to your first day relaxed, focused?

Kyle: No matter...how amazing that sounds, it's just not a good idea.

Nick: Okay. Look, there's something you're not telling me. Do you really have to go back to the hospital, or is this about Oliver?

George: What's Oliver talking about, Barbara? Tell me, what?

Barbara: I don't know.

Oliver: It's okay, Mom. I tried to forget, too.

Barbara: There's nothing to forget.

Layla: Maybe we should get out of here.

Oliver: No. Please stay.

George: What's he talking about, Barb?

Oliver: I was a senior in college, and you and Dad came up for parents' weekend.

George: Yeah. I remember. We got up at 5:30 to make the drive.

Oliver: You wanted to take a nap at the hotel before my game, and I told you I was going to the library to study.

George: What does this have to do with anything?

Oliver: Mom forgot her gloves, and -- and when she came back, you walked in on me and Kyle.

George: Wha -- while I was at the hotel?

Oliver: And you looked at me like I was a complete stranger. And you took off.

George: Barbara?

Oliver: You know, I broke up with Kyle that day, and ever since, you and me pretended that didn't happen. And I can't do that anymore. Can you?

Blair: Chad, thank you so much for getting over here so quick.

Chad: Huh. You said it was an emergency. I thought someone was drowning.

Blair: Oh, you saved my life. Believe me, saved my life. I guess you don't have to deal with this kind of thing over at the country club every day, huh?

Chad: Squeezing through a tiny window in the cabana bathroom so your ex can yell at me? No, ma'am.

Blair: You know what? Here you go. Here's some more. It will never happen again.

Chad: Thanks.

Blair: Ha ha!

Ross: Oh, hey, thanks. Good times.

Chad: Don't mention it.

Ross: Anyone ever tell you you're amazing with a bucket of water? You're a dead aim.

Blair: What part of staying out of sight don't you understand? Ross, get in there!

Ross: It all worked out.

Blair: Yeah, after Todd nearly burned you to a crisp.

Ross: Mm-hmm, and you stopped him and saved me. Thank you for that, by the way.

Blair: Well, it better not happen again.

Ross: I can't make any promises.

Blair: Why not?

Ross: Because it's much too fun watching you think on your feet. It's pretty sexy, too.

Todd: Hey! Hey, where's the fire?

Téa: Get away from me!

Todd: Well, tell me what's wrong at least.

Téa: Do you really not know? Or are you just playing dumb? Think very carefully before you answer that question.

Todd: Okay, can we just stop playing these games?

Téa: Ha ha!

Todd: Tell me why you're pissed, I'll tell you I'm sorry.

Téa: Ha ha! Todd Manning apology number 53?

Todd: What the hell does that mean?

Téa: It means I've heard it before, and I don't believe it.

Todd: All right, well, I'll say something else. What do you want me to say?

Téa: I got to get out of here.

Todd: Okay. Where do you want to go?

Téa: No. I am going. You are staying.

Todd: Why?

Téa: Because this is where Blair is, and that's where you belong.

Langston: Everything okay?

Markko: Sure. Yeah. Did you guys order drinks already?

Starr: Yeah. We just got drinks.

Markko: I think we should toast...

Langston: Markko --

Markko: To freshman year.

Cole: How about to roommates?

Markko: I don't understand.

Cole: Well, my mom says as long as I keep up my grades, she'll cover my rent.

Markko: So?

Cole: Well, my apartment has two bedrooms. The other one's yours if you want it.

Markko: Are you serious?

Cole: As long as you tutor me.

Markko: It's a deal.

[Laughter]

Cole: Right on.

Starr: Cheers.

Langston: Here's to that.

Kyle: I really do have to be at work, and the dean made it really clear I'm on thin ice at med school, and if I show up with a hint of alcohol on my breath or I'm late, then I'm toast.

Nick: Well, I certainly don't want to get you in any trouble.

Kyle: Look, okay, I'm not gonna be there...for very long, okay? So why don't you just hang out here? You know, chill, watch a movie or something, and I'll be back before you know it. Okay, we'll go get a late dinner.

Nick: I can do that.

Kyle: We'll celebrate when I get back. I promise.

George: Tell them, Barbara. Tell them it didn't happen. It couldn't have.

Oliver: Please, Mom, tell the truth.

George: She's going to tell the truth.

Oliver: It'll be a relief. I promise.

Barbara: I -- I thought it was a phase.

George: What?

Barbara: He was young. I didn't think it meant anything.

Oliver: Dad.

Barbara: I thought he'd grow out of it.

Oliver: Dad, please don't go.

Barbara: George. George, come back. I'm sorry.

Natalie: Well, the first move we're gonna make is straight to the E.R.

Jared: No. We're not going anywhere until we figure out how to handle this.

Brody: We only have one option: We notify the police, let John and Bo do the investigating.

Jared: You're right. From now on, we'll leave it up to the professionals. Getting the crap kicked out of me is something I'd rather not go through again.

Jessica: Not to mention almost getting abducted.

Brody: Well, that's not going to happen, not to anyone.

Natalie: Is that a promise?

Brody: We won't let it.

Todd: Since when do you listen to what Blair says?

Téa: It wasn't Blair.

Todd: All right, who told you that I belong here?

Téa: You. Everything you say, everything you do. You'd think I'd be able to learn my lesson.

Todd: What lesson?

Téa: That you can't change.

Todd: Wait a minute, you think I haven't changed? What about our little date? I picked you up! I got you a corsage!

Téa: I hate corsages! They're bracelets with dead flowers on them.

Todd: And asking you to marry me counts for nothing?

Téa: Not when it happened... so fast.

Todd: All right, we'll slow it down.

Téa: No, Todd --

Todd: No, it's fine.

Téa: Todd, I -- I don't want to get married to you. Okay? The wedding is off.

Blair: Don't get fresh with me.

Ross: Or what?

Blair: Believe me, you won't want to find out.

Ross: Ooh, that sounds scary.

Blair: Come on, Ross. Look, you're on my list, okay?

Ross: I get a feeling that's not such a bad place to be.

Blair: Well, it's a very exclusive club reserved for idiots who screw up my best-laid plans.

Ross: I did not screw anything up.

Blair: Oh, you know, you were prancing around here, and Todd nearly burned the house down.

Ross: Well, that was Todd's fault.

Blair: Well, he wasn't supposed to see you.

Ross: He wouldn't have seen me if it wasn't for your spoiled-brat son. Ah.

Blair: Do not call my son a brat.

Ross: You're right. That was -- I won't do that again.

Blair: Thank you.

Ross: How about willful and overindulged...

Blair: I'm warning you.

Ross: Over-privileged.

Blair: Okay. Uh!

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