OLTL Transcript Monday 8/17/09

One Life to Live Transcript Monday 8/17/09

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Episode # 10503 ~ The Who To-Do List

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Kathy

Nora: I almost stopped the wedding.

Bo: So did I.

Nora: Why?

Bo: Probably for the same reason you almost did.

[Cell phone ringing]

Nora: It's Clint.

[Ringing stops]

Elijah: Oh, good. You still have a few minutes.

Téa: To do what?

Elijah: To convince Matthew Buchanan to drop his lawsuit.

Téa: Ha ha ha!

Elijah: Ha ha! You can't win, Téa. At least if you back out now, you can save face before I wipe up the floor with you.

Téa: Wipe up the floor with me? Oh, and if you think I care about saving face, you have no idea what I'm made of.

Elijah: Well, there's only one thing I need to know--the secret you're keeping from Todd Manning.

Jack: So, if your plan works and you move out of Aunt Dorian's house, where are you gonna go?

Todd: Back to my place.

Jack: Where Téa lives.

Todd: Yeah.

Jack: Your funeral.

Todd: Now, why do you say that? I thought you liked Téa.

Jack: I do, especially when she goes around the house half-naked, but what's Mom gonna say?

Blair: Rough morning? What's going on, Cristian?

Cristian: Tell me something. Why am I trying to mess up a happy couple?

Blair: Any happy couple in particular?

Cristian: Fish and Layla.

Blair: Oh. Oh, oh, oh. I didn't realize they were still going strong.

Cristian: Oh, yeah, even though I saw him kissing someone else.

Blair: You did? Who was it?

Cristian: I can't say.

Blair: Oh, yeah, you can. Come on. It's me. You know, you can trust me.

Cristian: No, Blair. This is complicated.

Blair: Come on, Cristian. Everything is complicated.

Cristian: No. This is really complicated.

Blair: What, did you catch him kissing somebody's wife?

Cristian: No.

Blair: What about somebody's husband? Oh, my God, you're serious. It was a guy?

Cristian: Blair, you cannot tell anyone.

Blair: I'm not gonna tell anybody. You saw it?

Cristian: Yeah, with my own eyes.

Blair: Did you tell Layla?

Cristian: No, and I don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean, I did tell Fish that if he didn't say something, I would.

Blair: Well, did he say something to Layla?

Cristian: No. He slept with her.

Kyle: Better not come too close. You might catch queer.

Oliver: Look, Kyle. I'm gonna keep this short. I wanted to say sorry for the other day.

Kyle: Oh, really? Which part, about shoving me or accusing me of stalking you?

Oliver: Everything, okay? I apologize. It won't happen again.

Kyle: Really? Why not?

Oliver: Because I figured some things out. College was a very confusing time for me, but I'm not confused anymore. That's all over.

Kyle: Just like that.

Oliver: Look, Kyle, man. I don't expect you to understand. All I ask is that you respect the choices that I make. I have the life that I want. Layla and I are together, like together together.

Stacy: So, you want me to get pregnant again?

Kimberly: Please. I wouldn't wish that curse on anybody, but honestly, Stace, what else can you do?

Stacy: I could just forget this whole thing and give up and forget about Rex.

Kimberly: And admit defeat? Never. That is not the Stacy Morasco I know. The Stacy Morasco I know wouldn't wallow in self-pity.

Stacy: Meet the new Stacy Morasco. Oh, she surrenders.

Kimberly: You're gonna put on a hot dress right now, your highest heels, and get yourself knocked up before anyone is the wiser.

Stacy: Maybe later.

Kimberly: No. Now. Who are you, anyway, some spineless wimp or Stacy freakin' Morasco?

Rex: I'm right here. What do you want to know, how mad I am at you?

Roxy: Well, I don't think I really got to ask. Ha ha ha!

Rex: Jokes. You're gonna make jokes.

Roxy: Yeah. Sue me. I'm a little bit nervous.

Rex: I don't get you, Rox. Why is being straight with me so hard for you, yet screwing me over is so easy? 

Stacy: You make it sound so easy.

Kimberly: It is easy. Women have been getting knocked up since the dawn of time to keep a man. If they can do it, you can.

Stacy: What do you want me to do, take out an ad on-line?

Kimberly: Something a little more traditional.

Stacy: Oh, excuse me. They have traditions?

Kimberly: Hello? A sperm bank?

Stacy: Oh, forget that.

Kimberly: Think about it. You can have your choice of dads. Hell, you can practically design your own kid.

Stacy: No. No. Sperm banks are too expensive, and I don't want a paper trail. Rex is a P.I. He'll figure it out.

Kimberly: So get pregnant the old-fashioned way.

Stacy: I'm not gonna find some guy on the street and carry his baby around for 9 months and have to raise the brat for the rest of my life.

Kimberly: Who said it has to be some guy off the street? You need Rex's baby. Sleep with Rex.

Gigi: Think I'm gonna go on my break now.

Roxy: No. You really don't need to go.

Rex: Leave Gigi out of this.

Gigi: Go easy on her.

Roxy: So, I hear Stacy is pregnant.

Rex: Yes, another wonderful thing that couldn't have happened without you. Thanks.

Roxy: I'm sorry, and I know I'm gonna be sorry the rest of my miserable life. How many times I got to say it?

Rex: I don't know. How many ways have you hurt my family and me?

Todd: What makes you think that your mom will have anything to say about Téa and me?

Jack: Have you met mom?

Todd: Has she said anything?

Jack: No, but it's obvious, just like it was obvious how you hated her being with McPain.

Todd: Finish your breakfast.

Jack: Don't say nobody warned you, okay?

Todd: Just don't worry about your mom. I'll have a little adult conversation with her. Everything will be fine.

Cristian: I guess I just don't understand. I mean, if Fish is gay, why would he want to sleep with Layla?

Blair: I don't know. Maybe he's bisexual.

Cristian: You think he's into guys and girls?

Blair: Some people are.

Cristian: I can't imagine ever wanting to kiss a guy.

Blair: You know what? I have a hard time envisioning you ever wanting to kiss a guy, too.

Cristian: Have you ever kissed a girl?

Blair: No. I'm too busy kissing the wrong guy.

Cristian: Oh, is it possible that Fish isn't even gay? Should I just let this go?

Blair: Uh, it's a tough call. I don't know.

Cristian: What would you do? If you knew that the girl Todd was with was gonna hurt him, could you let it go?

Téa: Who's Todd Manning?

Elijah: Ha ha. Funny.

Téa: No. You keep saying this guy's name, and I'm drawing a blank.

Elijah: Let me jog your memory. You married him twice, once to the tune of $5 million. You've represented him in more court cases than I care to count, and on top of all that, you're living in his house.

Téa: So what? Everyone knows that.

Elijah: Well, you're right. Everyone in Llanview knows about Todd and Téa, and from what I understand, you guys are back together again, but I'll wager if Todd knew what I know, there wouldn't be any more Todd and Téa. In fact, there might not be any more Téa at all.

Schuyler: Hey, I'm gonna grab a burger. You want to come?

Rachel: Sorry. I'm not really up for it today.

Schuyler: Oh. Oh, today is your family's big day in court. I hope everything turns out okay.

Rachel: Thanks, but no matter who wins, it's not gonna end well.

Schuyler: You want to talk about it?

Rachel: I'm kind of all talked out. I talked to my mother about it. I talked to my brother about it. I even talked to my brother's doctor about it.

Schuyler: Wait, that's Shaun’s brother.

Rachel: We had a double date and spent the whole night talking about Matthew's surgery.

Schuyler: Oh, good. Well, at least you got an objective medical perspective.

Rachel: No. What I got was a detailed analysis of my questionable life choices and deep character flaws.

Schuyler: Oh, yeah, the armchair psychiatrist thing. Forget about that.

Rachel: Yeah, so after wasting my breath on that arrogant jackass all night, the last thing I want to do is talk.

Greg: Then how about if you listen, I'll apologize?

Schuyler: Ahem, good luck.

Nora: Yeah. No. It hasn't started yet. I completely understand why you're not here. Yeah. I'll tell him. I will. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You, too. Okay. Bye. That was Clint. He wanted to wish us luck. Look, Bo. I don't want you to get the wrong idea, okay? I almost stopped the wedding because I didn't want my marriage to start out with this secret hanging over my head.

Bo: I know. I know. That's what I was thinking, too. I thought we'd, you know, just get everything out on the table, and then we can all move on.

Nora: Great, only you didn’t.

Bo: No. Neither did you.

Nora: It-- I don't know. It just-- it seemed for the best. You know, I didn't-- I didn't want to make a big deal about a kiss which obviously meant nothing.

Bo: Right, except if it meant nothing, why didn't we just tell Clint?

Blair: Look. We're not talking about Todd and me here, and even if we were--I don't know--I mean, it's different. We've been married. We have kids, so I kind of feel like it's my responsibility to check into anybody who could possibly turn into my kids' stepmom.

Cristian: You're talking about Téa.

Blair: No secret how I feel about her, and I would do anything to protect my children from that witch.

Cristian: So, that's what all this is about, protecting the kids.

Blair: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Cristian: It's got nothing to do with how you feel about Todd.

Blair: What about your feelings for Layla? Come on. Isn't that the real reason you want to out Fish?

Kyle: So, what, are you trying to tell me that you and Layla had sex?

Oliver: Well, I wasn't exactly planning on telling the whole gym, but yeah. It was good. It felt right.

Kyle: So, you have sex with one girl, and then all of a sudden, poof, you're not gay?

Oliver: It's not like she's the first girl that I ever slept with, but you know what? I'm hoping that she'll be the last.

Kyle: Meaning?

Oliver: Meaning that I told Layla that I could see a future with her, and so I thought that you should know that nothing could ever happen between you and me, and so you can move on. Are we cool?

Matthew: Thanks. Have you seen Téa?

Nora: Yes. She's in with our lawyer.

Matthew: Guess we should go in there, too.

Nora: Um, hold up, Matthew. We want to talk to you, clear something up.

Elijah: Of course, if the information I have is wrong, then you've got nothing to worry about.

Téa: Why don't you run it by me?

Elijah: Oh, no, no, no. No, not the information about you. That's rock solid. It's possible that I could be wrong about Todd Manning and he’s not the jealous, paranoid sociopathic son of a bitch people make him out to be. What to you think?

[Phone rings]

[Some lines missing]

Elijah: What do you say, Counselor? You ready to play ball?

Roxy: Okay. I admit it. I made a lot of mistakes.

Rex: And yet you keep making them.

Roxy: Well, I'm gonna fix everything.

Rex: Great. Start by telling me about my dad. Anything? Anything at all? I thought so.

Roxy: Listen. I tried to explain.

Rex: Don't bother. I know that you're never gonna tell me the truth about him. Good news. You don't have to sweat it anymore. I'm over it.

Roxy: So, you don't want to know?

Rex: No. I want to know. I need to know. I just don't want to be lied to anymore.

Stacy: Rex wants nothing to do with me. If it weren't for the baby that I don't have, he wouldn't even look at me anymore.

Kimberly: How'd you get him to look at you before? Right, right, the pretend donor thing.

Stacy: I mean, even if I could get him back, I'd have to be pregnant, like, yesterday.

Kimberly: So we find another guy. There are billions of them out there. Any one of them would love a shot at you.

Stacy: I am so not having unprotected sex with billions of random guys.

Kimberly: It's the only way you're gonna get Rex back, so-- wait. I've got it. We've totally been over-thinking this.

Stacy: We have?

Kimberly: Okay. You're a friendly girl. You have to have met someone in this town you can trust with our little project, right?

Stacy: Yeah, I guess.

Kimberly: Great. We'll make a list. I love lists. Who else do you know besides Rex?

Stacy: Well, there's Schuyler.

Gigi: It's okay, Shane. I have a couple minutes. How's day camp? That sounds fun. Maybe she pushed you into the lake because she likes you. It's not stupid. Sometimes girls and boys do that when...they like each other.

Kimberly: The Schuy king is here? Don't tell me he followed you here from Sin City.

Stacy: No. His mom used to be, like, a doctor here or something.

Kimberly: Mission accomplished. He's perfect. He used to follow you around like a puppy dog.

Stacy: Yeah, and he used to be high all the time, too.

Kimberly: Even better. Druggies are much easier to get in bed than real people.

Stacy: Used to. He's clean now...

Kimberly: Oh, that's too bad.

Stacy: And apparently, I'm not attractive without drugs because he teamed up with Gigi to try and break up Rex and me, and not because he wanted me, but for my own "good."

Kimberly: I hate people in recovery.

Stacy: I'll bet he regrets it now because now he's really hooked on Gigi.

Gigi: I got to go now, Shane. I love you. You don't have to say it back if the other kids are listening. Okay. Bye.

Schuyler: Did he say it back?

Gigi: The other kids weren't around.

Schuyler: What are you doing out here?

Gigi: I'm on break. Rex is inside.

Schuyler: Yeah. Don't worry. I'm not planning on trying anything.

Gigi: Oh, that's not what I meant.

Schuyler: No. I know. Thanks for the warning. Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna go. I'll just go.

Gigi: I told Rex that you kissed me. Sorry, but I needed to get it out in the open.

Schuyler: How did he take it?

Gigi: He was pissed.

Schuyler: Well, you told him that you let me down easy, right?

Gigi: I told him that we dealt with it, we're adults, and he doesn't need to worry.

Schuyler: Right, but?

Gigi: He doesn't want me hanging around you anymore.

Schuyler: Ah, I see. What do you want?

Rex: You know what the worst part about all this is?

Roxy: Stacy and the baby and being in your lives forever?

Rex: At least Stacy is reliable. I know I can count on her to do the craziest, most messed-up thing. No. No. The worst thing was realizing that I can never trust you again. I never knew how seriously to take you when you told me that you wanted us to be closer.

Roxy: Baby, I was dead serious.

Rex: But when you told me that you killed my father, that you did that to protect me and that you kept it a secret because I was better off not knowing, do you know what I thought?

Roxy: What?

Rex: That I had no idea you could be so brave. I felt close to you, okay? That you put yourself through that for me. I have never felt closer to you. Then I find out it's just another lie.

Roxy: Well, you know, if you look at it a certain way--

Rex: No. A lie is a lie. There's no certain way to look at it. I got to tell you, you've told me some big ones in your day, but this one beats them all. We are further apart now than when we started.

Greg: So, this is where you work.

Rachel: It is.

Greg: Nice.

Rachel: You're here to apologize?

Greg: I am. I hope you'll forgive me for the way that I spoke to you last night. It was ungentlemanly. I didn't mean to upset you.

Rachel: When was I upset?

Greg: When we were talking about your brother.

Rachel: Oh, that. That was nothing, just an impassioned discussion.

Greg: Hmm. Well, it sounded to me like you were telling your friend something different.

Rachel: That wasn't about you.

Greg: Oh?

Rachel: I was discussing a case with a colleague. Actually, it was confidential. You shouldn't have been listening. I had a great time last night.

Greg: Well, I'm glad to hear it. I'll have to question your motives a little more often.

Matthew: Can't this wait? We're supposed to start.

Nora: Sweetie, they're not gonna start without us.

Bo: Yeah, and we thought that it was important that we're all on the same page.

Matthew: About what?

Bo: We know that you told Téa about what you saw.

Matthew: You mean you two kissing?

Nora: Uh, yeah, that.

Matthew: It's not what you think. Téa heard Destiny and I talking about it, and she made me tell her everything, but I told her not to use it.

Bo: We know.

Nora: Yeah. She told us that.

Matthew: So, what's the problem?

Nora: There's no problem, sweetheart.

Bo: No. We just wanted to say thank you.

Matthew: I don't want Uncle Clint to get hurt or you guys. I just want my legs back. So, is that it?

Bo: Yeah. Yeah. I think so.

Nora: Come on. Why don't we go inside now, okay?

Matthew: I'll just be a minute.

Bo: Okay.

Destiny: Hey, am I late?

Matthew: What are you doing here?

Destiny: You need backup. Where else would I be?

Elijah: So? What's it gonna be, Counselor?

Téa: You're bluffing. You don't know a damn thing about me.

Elijah: Fair enough.

Elijah: What do you think now?

Cristian: Look, Blair. I don't want to out anyone, especially since Fish keeps saying he's not even in.

Blair: Well, it's a tough call, and I don't envy your problem.

Cristian: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't envy yours, either.

Blair: Well, Téa shouldn't be a problem much longer.

Todd: Is that a fact? So, are you and Cristian together at last?

Blair: Cristian and I are friends, not that it's any of your business.

Todd: Hmm. I was just thinking that's too bad because you guys would make a really cute couple.

Blair: What's going on with you?

Todd: No. I'm just saying I'm disappointed that you haven't moved on.

Blair: Oh, like you have with Téa?

Todd: Exactly.

Blair: Well, I don't want to talk about that.

Todd: Well, if you play your cards right, you'll never see or hear from her again.

Blair: Now you got my interest.

Todd: Yeah. Sure. I've hired a lawyer to extricate me from this crazy living situation.

Blair: Great. Move out. I'll raise the kids by myself.

Todd: Actually, I was thinking about joint custody, and I talked to Jack about it, and he's cool with it.

Blair: Oh, I'm sure Jack is really cool with it. It's just too bad he's not the one making the decisions.

Todd: All right. Well, what do you say? Would you like to cooperate?

Roxy: Please believe me that I love you, and, baby, I'm gonna make everything better. I'm gonna go to Stacy. I'm gonna run her right out of town.

Rex: No. You won’t.

Roxy: Yes. I will because I thought--

Rex: This may not be a familiar concept to you, but this baby is my responsibility. I'm not gonna walk away from it.

Roxy: Well, Stacy is gonna ruin your life. She's already killing Gigi.

Rex: You don't think I know that? I need to find a way to make this work. You stay away from Stacy and while you're at it, you stay away from me.

Schuyler: Look. I get where Rex is coming from. I mean, if I were your-- if I were in Rex's shoes, I would feel the same way.

Gigi: Well, he'll just have to get over it. I'll keep working on him.

Schuyler: Yeah. Well, you know, what you should be working on is your relationship with Rex. I don't know why you keep trying to convince him that I'm not some kind of a threat.

Gigi: You're not.

Schuyler: The last thing I want to do is cause you more problems, okay, but I do think that I can solve one.

Gigi: How?

Schuyler: I think that we were overly optimistic when we decided that we could just be friends after I kissed you, and so I'm gonna, um, back off.

Gigi: Okay. What do you mean, back off?

Schuyler: I mean that I can't be your friend anymore.

Kimberly: Your ex and your sister? Don't they know there are, like, rules about that?

Stacy: Yeah. I know. Anyway, I'm probably the last person he wants to get in bed with now.

Kimberly: Let's put him on the list, anyway, just as a fallback.

Stacy: All right.

Kimberly: So, who else do you know in this town?

Stacy: Oh, right. There was that one guy. What was his name? Tuna?

Kimberly: What kind of a name is tuna?

Stacy: I wasn't really paying attention.

Kimberly: Tuna. Details?

Stacy: Well, we did it all over my sister's living room, but he sent me flowers the next day.

Kimberly: So, psycho or loser?

Stacy: I shook him off.

Kimberly: Loser. Was he cute?

Stacy: In a dorky sort of way.

Kimberly: So, what, were you slumming?

Stacy: No. I had just landed from Vegas, and I found my sister living with Rex rent-free on the grounds of this huge mansion, and can you imagine where they were going that night? A freaking ball.

Kimberly: Get the hell out.

Stacy: I know. She was living my life, what I always wanted, except for that kid of hers.

Kimberly: Goes without saying.

Stacy: I was really lonely, and this guy-- salmon? God, I don't really know. Anyway, he was really into me, and it felt good to be wanted. Never really liked him, but he was someone I could pretend was Rex.

Kimberly: You really got it bad for this Rex guy, huh?

Stacy: It's pathetic, isn't it?

Kimberly: Romantic! Unrequited love: It's what keeps my regulars coming back, but tuna might be more trouble than he's worth. I mean, landing him should be pretty easy, but what if he gets all candy and flowers again? I mean, how do we get rid of him?

Oliver: I did not kiss you back.

Kyle: Oh, so then who was moving your lips?

Oliver: Oh, man, you got to stop this. You're seeing things that aren't there. It's like you're obsessed or something.

Kyle: Oh, yeah. I'm the one that has a problem with reality, Oliver.

Oliver: You know what? I'm out of here.

Kyle: Oliver, just wait. Look. Okay. Let's make a deal, huh? I'll stop this, okay, and you can go live whatever life you want. Just--

Oliver: What?

Kyle: Just meet with me, okay, once, just the two of us. I promise I won't try anything. I just want to talk.

Oliver: Ha! Talk. Right.

Kyle: Maybe I'm wrong, but it looks to me like you're going through a really hard time. I just want to help.

Oliver: Why would you want to help me?

Kyle: Because, whether or not I like it or not, I still care about you. I just want to make sure you're gonna be okay, you know? I hate to see you like this.

Oliver: Kyle, come on. Don’t. [ Sighs ][ Clears throat ]

Rachel: Well, so much for an apology, huh?

Greg: You said it wasn't necessary.

Rachel: For last night, no. For right now, for trying to goad me again?

Greg: Goad you?

Rachel: Yes, goad. You know, it's a verb meaning to provoke or annoy.

Greg: When have I ever goaded you?

Rachel: Every time you see me. For that, that requires an apology.

Greg: And what would I be goading you into?

Rachel: This. Yelling. Why don't you just--

Greg: Oh, lose control, do something spontaneous, something risky?

Rachel: You think you know me so well.

Greg: No, but I sure would like to.

Matthew: Well, thanks for coming, but you really didn't have to.

Destiny: Do you want me to go?

Matthew: No. It's just it might get a little heavy in there.

Destiny: If you can handle it, so can I.

Elijah: I don't want to get your hopes up, but I had a meeting with opposing counsel this morning. There's a very good chance this whole thing will be over today.

Nora: How did you pull that off?

Bailiff: All rise.

Judge Henson: Be seated. Ms. Delgado, your opening statement. Ms. Delgado?

Téa: Oh. Uh, um, yes, Your Honor.

Judge Henson: Proceed.

Téa: Um... oh, Your Honor, um, I'm afraid I don't have an opening statement.

Roxy: If Shane asks, tell him that I love him.

Rex: Tell him yourself. I'm not gonna take Shane's grandmother away from him, okay, but you want to see him, you call first. That way, I can make sure I'm somewhere else. [Sighs]

Gigi: You don't want us to be friends anymore?

Schuyler: Of course I do. I just--I don't think we can. Do you?

Gigi: I don't want to lose you.

Schuyler: Well, you know, I don't want to lose you, either, but family comes first. That's all there is to it.

Gigi: So, what do we do?

Schuyler: Say good-bye.

[Footsteps]

Roxy: [Sobbing]

Schuyler: Well, I guess your break is over.

Gigi: Yeah. I guess I should go back inside. I just want you to know that you're, like, one of the only friends I have in the whole world.

Kimberly: Come on. We can do better than this. We only have two names here.

Stacy: Oh, there is that one guy.

Kimberly: Why didn't you say so? What's his name?

Stacy: Kyle. He's a med student.

Kimberly: Plastic surgeon?

Stacy: I've only seen him deal with stem cells, but he is kind of hot.

Kimberly: Good. Not an ex, not a loser, and not a troll. He's 3 for 3. So, what else?

Stacy: Well, he's also kind of shady, too.

Kimberly: That could be good or bad.

Stacy: He did do me a few favors when he was a lab tech at the hospital.

Kimberly: But...

Stacy: He also blackmailed me into paying his legal bills.

Kimberly: So, there would have to be something in it for him.

Stacy: Yeah, and he's not a sure thing, either. There was this one time I had some trouble coming up with the money, and I tried to offer him a fair trade. I mean, I shoved the girls in his face, and he didn't even look twice.

Kimberly: Well, don't count him out. He's probably just an ass man.

Oliver: Cut it out, man. Don't touch me.

Kyle: What the hell are you--

Cristian: Everything okay?

Oliver: Yeah. It's nothing. That's it, right?

Kyle: No. No. That's not it.

Blair: Why wouldn't I cooperate? You're offering me the deal of a lifetime. You move out. I get custody of our kids.

Todd: Joint custody.

Blair: They'd be living with me.

Todd: We'll work that out, but this is what you've always wanted, right? How can you say no?

Blair: What about Téa?

Todd: What about her? She loves those kids. What is that?

Blair: I'll think about it, all right? This is my stuff.

Todd: What is that?

Blair: It's none of your business.

Todd: Let me see it.

Blair: It's just some bills and stuff. No. I'm not gonna let you--

Todd: Why can't I see it?

Blair: Why? You don't need to see it. It's mine. Todd, damn it, give-- see it. It's mine. Todd, damn it, give—

Greg: I wasn't trying to goad you. I'm simply trying to figure you out.

Rachel: I thought you did that last night, remember? I'm a prisoner to my fears.

Greg: If I thought that's all that you were, I would not have come back here to say that I'm sorry, but I didn't do that so hot, did I?

Rachel: I probably could have been more gracious.

Greg: How come we always end up arguing?

Rachel: Your friend Vivian would say it's because I'm attracted to you.

Greg: That's funny. She said the same thing to me.

Kyle: You want to know what's going on? I'll tell you.

Oliver: No. Don't listen to anything he says.

Cristian: Shut up, Fish. I want to hear what Kyle has to say.

Kyle: I was leaving, and I ran into Fish, got to talking, and I asked him out, you know, hoping maybe we could rekindle the old flame, you know, and Oliver turned me down flat. He's in love with Layla. He's not gay. I guess he never was.

Cristian: So, what did I just walk in on?

Kyle: He was trying to let me down easy. I just didn't want to hear it, I guess.

Cristian: But I thought you said the two of you had something going on in college.

Kyle: Yeah. In college, you know, we'd get drunk, and, you know, I'd try to make a move on him, and he just wasn't interested, and that's it. Sorry to cause you any trouble, both of you.

Oliver: Satisfied?

Cristian: Just be good to Layla.

Kimberly: Okay. Let's review, shall we? Contestant "A"--Schuy king. Plus--ex-boyfriend. Minus--keeps trying to save you from yourself.

Stacy: Don't forget hot for Gigi.

Kimberly: Contestant "B." Plus--head over heels in love with you. Minus--

Stacy: Head over heels in love with me.

Kimberly: Finally, contestant "C"--Kyle. Plus--cute--actually, that's a plus-plus. Minus, kind of dirty, which can also be a plus. So, who will it be?

Stacy: Okay, boys. Which of you are gonna make me pregnant with Rex's child?

Schuyler: You're one of my only friends, too. Sorry.

Gigi: Thanks for seeing me through everything with Stacy and for being so understanding.

Schuyler: Yeah. Well, you take care.

Rex: Get the hell off my girlfriend!

Schuyler: Ah!

Judge Henson: What do you mean, you have no opening statement?

Téa: Your Honor, I, uh--

Judge Henson: Yes, Ms. Delgado?

Téa: Uh--

Destiny: Is she okay?

Matthew: Téa, what's going on?

Judge Henson: Ms. Delgado, I'm waiting.

Téa: Uh, Your Honor, um, I am going to decline to make an opening statement because it would be a waste of this court's time. There is nothing that I can say that will win my case for my client. Instead, I believe my client would be best served... by his own words. Your Honor, I'd like to call my first witness--Matthew Buchanan.

Blair: Give it to-- give it to me. No. Todd! [Sighs]

Todd: Téa's birth certificate.

Blair: Just--

Todd: "Passport records of Téa Delgado." "Téa Delgado," "Téa Delgado." What the hell are you up to?

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