One Life to Live Transcript Tuesday 5/27/08
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Provided By Boo
Proofread By Kathy
Woman: The whole bunch of you can just go to hell. Gigi, Brody and Shane. Mom. Maybe I'll just murder you with my bare hands.
Todd: Hey, don't mess with that. Don't mess with the door.
Gigi: Was that a general angry souvenir toss or a bad flashback to the Bon-Jour?
Viki: Sort of.
Gigi: The whole place?
Viki: No, just one person.
Viki: No, honey, it would never be you.
Rex: I get the feeling this isn't about whether I should call you "Charlie" or "Dad."
Charlie: You're right. It's not about what you should call me. It's about who I really am.
Jared: You are bad, Miss Natalie Buchanan. Oh, I have fallen in with a bad companion.
Natalie: What are you going to do about it?
Jared: What I was supposed to be doing before insanity took over of my body. Waiting for my dad's go-ahead, then launching operation full disclosure. Prying the leverage from David's cold, dead hands.
Natalie: I love it when you do alpha.
Jared: Back, woman. Later. All right, Vickers, time for your last tinkle before nighty-night.
Dorian: Yes, and you will be there tomorrow or you're going to be sorry.
David: Who the hell am I? Who the hell are you? Let go of me.
Shaun: You're not going anywhere.
David: She knows who I am. I ought to be turning you in. What -- what the --
Shaun: Dr. Lord, this clown doesn't have any I.D. and he swears you're going to let him in.
Dorian: Thank you very much, Shaun. I can handle this.
David: I'm not a clown. I've done mime. There's a difference.
David: Hide me.
Marcie: Oh, God, Mike.
Michael: I'll call 911. Be careful out there.
Marcie: Don't worry about me. Go help them.
Michael: Yeah, there's been an accident at the southwest corner of Angel Square. I need an ambulance, please.
Marcie: Tommy? Oh, my God, Tommy. Are you okay? [Whispers] Tommy --
Marcie: [Hushed] Tommy, honey? Oh, my God -- okay, Mommy's going to get you out. Don't worry. Come here. There you go. Watch your head, honey. Mommy's got you. There you go, Mommy's got you. Are you okay?
Adriana: Get me out of this car so I can kill the idiot who hit me.
Michael: Don't move, Adriana, okay? You could be injured.
Adriana: Oh, my God, my knee kills.
Michael: How about your back?
Adriana: My back is fine, Michael. Just get me out of this car.
Michael: Adriana, don't move. Lay back, okay? That's not a request. The ambulance will be here soon. Take a deep breath for me.
[Adriana inhales deeply]
Michael: Any pain?
Michael: Can you tell me what happened? Do you remember?
Gigi: Newsflash, Adriana. Your mom doesn't like your taste in husbands. Why do you think I stood up and made an ass out of myself? Because she gave me the hard sell right before the wedding, begged me to make things right for my kid and tell Rex the truth.
Adriana: All I know is I was having a really bad night.
Viki: So, I've been meaning to talk to you since the wedding.
Gigi: To curse me out?
Viki: Oh, no, of course not.
Gigi: I know you care about Adriana.
Viki: Oh, honey, I care about you, okay? And I know how conflicted you are about Rex.
Gigi: I can't believe I stood up and --
Viki: I know, well you told him the truth.
Gigi: At his wedding -- to another woman -- who he's now married to.
Viki: I know it was awful for you, but you know, now that you've done it, you can start to get over Rex and move on.
Gigi: I don't know. I'm pretty confused.
Viki: Yeah, well, I can see why. With Shane’s father showing up in the middle of it all.
Gigi: Who knew, right?
Viki: Where is Shane’s father now?
Gigi: He's staying with me. I hope you don't mind.
Viki: Of course not. How's it going?
Gigi: Brody still hasn't given me a straight answer about how he found us, but Shane’s over the moon. They're watching baseball and screaming and scarfing down pizza. I came here for some aspirin for me.
Viki: There's aspirin in the kitchen cupboard to the right of the stove.
Gigi: Brody's not the same guy he was ten years ago.
Viki: But at least he's Shane’s father, isn't he.
Rex: Look, Charlie, if this is about the alcoholism, you got to know I don't judge you.
Charlie: No, I know you don’t.
Rex: So, you were too much of a wreck then to step up and be my dad.
Charlie: Rex --
Rex: But that's not who you are now.
Charlie: You're not making this any easier for me.
Rex: Good, because you know what? Screw the past. You're here now. That's what counts.
Charlie: Can I just talk?
Rex: Okay, but I don't want to hear the word "sorry."
Charlie: Look, I got wrapped up in something with your mother that I thought was going to be a good idea at the time, but it's turned out to be a huge mistake.
Rex: You mean having an affair with her?
Charlie: No, Rex, I never had an affair with your mother.
Jared: What the hell?
Natalie: He's gone.
Jared: Who is this guy -- Houdini?
Natalie: Well, I guess when we dragged him in here, the ropes got loose.
Jared: Damn it! Okay, I have to find him now.
Dorian: Hide you? I'm sorry. Who are you? Oh, oh, didn't you used to be on some old country music show? I'm sorry, it's the clothes, they're -- oh, that's right, you're David Vickers. David, the same David Vickers that went to go see Victoria Davidson instead of coming to see me first -- thereby giving her the opportunity to crow about it? Caw, caw, caw.
David: Did Viki really crow like that?
Dorian: I guess her new boyfriend isn't fascinating enough.
David: Listen, I'll tell you what. I'll hide out in the blue room. You won't even know I'm there.
Dorian: You need to hide out? Someone is chasing you? And without shelter you'll -- I see.
Dorian: [Shouting] Repo-men! Bounty hunters! Bloodhounds! Yoo-hoo! Here boy, here boy! Oh, sure, locking the door -- oh, I know, I'll get the big guy.
David: No, you won’t. Come here. Where did you find that guy anyway? Listen to me. You're the east to my west. The yin to my yang. The rich to my -- eh. You might even say the love of my life. Look, I'm sorry I didn't come to you first. I really wanted to, but something fell in my lap -- something big.
Dorian: Big plans. Been there, done that. And now I'm doing it without you.
David: Oh, yeah? You want to cut me in?
David: On what?
Dorian: Depends on what you have to offer in return.
Marcie: Michael, Michael, we need help over here.
Adriana: Oh, my God, is that Sam? I'm fine. Go, go help him.
Marcie: Michael, I'm not sure if he's hurt or in shock.
Michael: Hey, buddy. Remember me? I guess -- he seems all right. Who was driving the car?
Marcie: Todd -- he's unconscious. Here, come here. Let me hold you again, baby.
Michael: Todd -- Todd? Hey, are you all right? You in any pain?
Marcie: Mommy's got you. Yes, she does.
David: Oh, Dorian, I think you are well aware of how much I have to offer. The question is, can I trust you?
Dorian: Let me see. You're on the run. Someone is hunting you down.
David: That's right.
Dorian: You need my help. I don't think you're in a position to play games.
David: From this position I can think of about three different games we can play. Ow! For crying out loud. All right. Sorry. I was trying to fly solo on this one and things got out of hand.
David: Jared Banks is an imposter in the Buchanan family. He's not Asa's son. Kapow!
Dorian: [Yawns] Tell me something I don't know.
David: Excuse me?
Dorian: I've known about that for months.
David: And you've kept quiet about it?
Dorian: Yes, I have, and now you're going to have to keep quiet about it, because it's absolutely crucial to my plans.
David: What plans?
Dorian: I'm sorry, David, but [Speaks French]. You don't have any information that I can use.
David: Hey, who's saying that I've given you all the information that I have?
Dorian: I said spill.
David: Oh, I got a tanker's worth, baby. What's it worth to you? Say 50/50?
David: Natalie Buchanan.
David: Is bumping uglies with Uncle Jared. Kapow, kapow!
Dorian: Wow, oh, Viki's going to be so upset when she hears that news.
Gigi: Why would you ask me if Brody is really Shane’s father?
Viki: I'm sorry. It wasn't about you. I was thinking about Charlie. It was about Charlie.
Gigi: What happened, Viki? What made you so upset you had to chuck the little souvenir?
Viki: Well, I might as well tell you because Charlie is telling Rex right now.
Gigi: What are you talking about?
Viki: Charlie is not Rex's father.
Viki: Yeah. He lied. He lied to Rex. He lied to all of us.
Gigi: But why?
Viki: Supposedly because Roxy asked him to. He took responsibility for a child that was not his because Roxy persuaded him it would make the child happy. I mean, that motivation in itself isn't bad, but lie about something that critical? You know, Rex -- oh, my God, he's going to be so hurt.
Rex: So it wasn't an affair with Roxy. It was a one-off. Big deal. These things happen.
Charlie: Okay, so it looks like the slow lead into the truth isn't going to work here.
Rex: Just spit it out, Dad. What's got you so twisted up?
Charlie: [Sighs] I am so sorry, Rex, but I am not --
Rex: Oh, wait, it's Adriana. She went out for eggs. She should've been back by now. Adriana? What? What happened? Oh, my God. I'm on my way.
Charlie: What happened?
Rex: There was a car crash. Adriana's hurt.
Charlie: I'm coming with you.
Rex: Thanks, Dad.
Paramedic: No signs of trauma to the head or chest. Contusions to the left knee. No obvious distortion.
Adriana: Where did you learn how to drive, Todd? You plowed right into me.
Todd: You're crazy. You hit me and you know it.
Adriana: What? And you had Sam with you. Are you nuts?
Todd: Let me out of this thing.
Paramedic: Sir, Sir, we need to keep you immobile.
Todd: No, I got to see my son.
Michael: I've got another victim here. He's just over two years old. He's alert and his vitals are good, but I want him checked out by the pediatric attending.
Orderly: You've got it, Dr. McBain.
Todd: That's my son.
Paramedic: Lay still now.
Todd: Get off me! Get off me!
Paramedic: Easy, you're not going anywhere.
Todd: Sam, Sam!
Gigi: Rex is going to be so disappointed that Charlie’s not his dad.
Viki: Disappointed? Try devastated.
Gigi: Well, Roxy must have had her reasons for asking Charlie to do it. Don't you think?
Viki: Of course she had her reasons. She's always got her reasons. It doesn't make it right. I cannot figure out why Charlie would agree to deceive Rex like that.
Gigi: I don't know.
Viki: I mean, Rex went through his whole wedding -- oh, Lord -- thinking he was so wonderful. He was sharing this wonderful experience with his father. He confided in Charlie. You know, and if Rex and Adriana have children?
Gigi: What about it?
Viki: Well, Rex always thought that these children were going to have a grandfather.
Gigi: Right. Charlie's not --
Viki: What? He's not what?
Gigi: Charlie's not the man I thought he was either. But Viki, he is a good guy. He is. I knew it from the first time I saw him and I still believe it.
Viki: Well, I don't know if I believe that anymore.
Rex: Where is she?
Charlie: Excuse me; we're looking for a patient -- Adriana Balsom. It was a car accident. Dark haired, very pretty.
Nurse: She's fine. The cubicle over there.
Charlie: Oh, you go ahead. If you need anything, I'll be out here.
David: You're hoping to tell Viki that Natalie's playing mattress tag with her fake uncle?
Dorian: Would you knock it off? Honestly, I mean why are you always so concerned about that woman?
David: That's not what I'm getting at. Jared and Natalie plan on breaking the news themselves.
David: They're getting tired of the love that dare not speak its name, I guess. So if your big plan hinges on them being quiet --
Dorian: [Stuttering] How much time are we talking about here? Days, hours -- David, David, are they really going to go through with this?
David: I don't know, Dorian. It's not like they're confiding their plans to me. Although they did mention that they want to get all their ducks in a row before they drop the big bomb.
Dorian: They have got to keep their mouths shut. Really, you've got no idea how big this is.
David: Surprise me.
Dorian: [Speaks French] I'll be right there. Adriana's been in an accident.
David: Let me drive you in your fancy car.
David: I hope Adriana's okay.
Jared: I checked back at the house -- nothing. Nigel hasn't seen him.
Natalie: What about Dad and Nora?
Jared: None the wiser.
Natalie: Yeah, I've checked the garage, checked the stables -- nothing.
Jared: [Stuttering] If he's out there spilling our secret, why hasn't it come back to bite us yet?
Natalie: Because he could be anywhere in Llanview right now, telling my mom or anyone else who will listen.
Jared: Please just let my dad do damage control first.
Jared: No I.D.
Natalie: Well, answer it.
Jared: Talk to me.
David: I would love to, Jared. You know, there's a little saying that goes, while you two were rolling in hay, I was making hay while the sun shines.
Jared: What do you want, Vickers?
David: You had your chance to work with me. Now I'm on to bigger and better things.
Jared: Like what?
David: Sweat it out -- just like I had to when you left me tied up in nothing but a speedo.
Addie: Oh, I'd love to see that.
Jared: I have no idea where he was.
Natalie: I've been thinking. I've got a few ideas.
Rex: There's my baby. How's my girl?
Adriana: I'm so glad you're here.
Rex: Can't leave you for a second, can I? Is it bad?
Adriana: Nothing's broken.
Rex: I see how it's going to be. I'm going to be waiting on you hand and foot.
Adriana: That's exactly what my doctor recommended.
Rex: Yup, it's right here in your chart. "Confine patient to bed for an extensive period of time." Check. "Cutting edge physical therapy." Check.
Adriana: I feel better already.
Rex: So what happened?
Adriana: Todd was driving the other car. He ran right into me.
Rex: In Angel Square? I thought you were just going out for eggs. So, where were you going -- or coming from?
Doctor: You don't have any serious injuries, but you did lose consciousness, so I'm going to admit you for observation.
Todd: To hell with that. Where's my son? How is he?
Doctor: He's fine, and he's in good hands. Dr. McBain’s getting him all checked out.
Michael: This is for being such a brave dude during your tests.
Marcie: He was amazing. [Whispering] Yes, you are!
Michael: I just want to listen to your heart one more time and then we're all done. This will just take a sec.
Michael: So if you breathe real deep, you can wear the stethoscope again.
Marcie: You moron! You didn't even have him in a car seat, Todd. He's two years old. He should have been in the back, strapped into a car seat. You could have killed him. That judge -- he was wrong. No have no right -- no right to be his father.
Todd: Why can't you shut up?
Marcie: This is exactly what I was afraid of when we had to give Tommy back to you. I kept telling myself that you loved Tommy, that you were going to take care of him. But you didn't even care enough to keep him safe in your car, did you?
Todd: You know what, Marcie? Compared to you, I'm Mary Poppins. You kidnapped him, and waving a gun around, taking hostages --
Marcie: I should have kept running. I should have kept running to keep him safe from you.
Todd: I would have found you anyway. You're never going to see him again, ever.
Marcie: Yeah? Neither will you, not after the cops find out about what you did. I'm calling John.
David: Is it a holiday or something?
Addie: Why? Feel like celebrating?
David: Why do you ask? You got any suggestions? Oh, my God, I just made a pass at a crazy lady.
Addie: I'm not crazy.
David: I must have been left out in that barn too long.
David: Addie, when they take you back to the home for the bewildered, please don't tell the nuns I hit on you.
David: What was that for, and can it get me arrested?
Addie: That was a welcome-home smacker. No, it can't get you arrested.
David: Addie, for someone who's a couple crayons short of an eight-pack, you're amazingly lucid.
Addie: That's because I'm coloring with all my crayons now. That's right, I've made a full recovery. I won't be coming back to St. Ann’s.
David: Really? No way.
Addie: Yes way. And I can't tell you how eager I am to make up for lost time. But Dorian is so overprotective.
David: What exactly is it that you had in mind?
Addie: I have a list. I'll show it to you after my ashtanga yoga session.
David: Is it me, or is it getting hot in here?
Addie: It certainly is. You must be very stiff after all that time that you were locked up. A session of hot yoga would do wonders.
David: Baby, you ain't lived till you tried it naked.
Gigi: Sometimes people -- you know, they fall into lies without even meaning to. And then the lie just gets bigger and more complicated until you're just stuck.
Viki: Gigi --
Gigi: Sometimes telling the truth is impossible.
Gigi: Because if you tell, too many people will be hurt.
Adriana: I've been on this organic kick, and the deli downstairs didn't have organic eggs.
Rex: Adriana, there's a supermarket right across the street.
Dorian: Adriana? Oh, my goodness, what happened? Can you move the knee? Never mind. I know an orthopedist. I'm going to get you a full workup.
Rex: She's going to be just fine, I think.
Dorian: Thank you, Rex.
Rex: Get her home.
Dorian: I'm here now.
Rex: Gee, thanks, Mom.
Adriana: It's okay, honey. You know, she probably just wants to do her doctor thing and check me out. Do you mind?
Rex: I have to give them the insurance stuff and pick up your script anyway. I'll be right back.
Dorian: We are going to sue Todd until tomorrow for causing this accident. But don't worry, darling. I am here now.
Adriana: So I don't have to worry about you sabotaging my marriage?
Dorian: Adriana, you're not well.
Adriana: I know what you did, Mom. You worked Gigi up until she stood up at my wedding to announce that she was in love with Rex. You wanted her to say that my groom was her son's father. You never changed for a minute, did you? You never stopped trying to keep me from marrying Rex.
Shaun: First of all, this is Dr. Lord's house. If you weren't a Buchanan, I wouldn't even let you in the door.
Jared: Dr. Lord is friendly with a guy named David Vickers. He's desperate, and I would hate to see you --
Shaun: I got it. Stay here and don't move. I'm going to see if one of my men can check it out.
Jared: You do that.
Addie: What can I do for you? Jared, isn't it?
Jared: Yeah, and I'm sorry to interrupt whatever is going on, but I'm looking for a very dangerous man -- David Vickers. Have you seen him?
Dorian: Darling, the last thing I would ever want --
Adriana: Cut the crap, Mom. Gigi told me everything.
Dorian: If you are going to believe that raving lunatic over your own --
Adriana: Because I saw your face when we went through with the wedding.
Dorian: I was emotional.
Adriana: You were miserable. You never wanted me to marry Rex. I was ready to cut you out of my life, but you begged me to give you another chance, and I trusted you.
Adriana: You wanted Rex to leave me at the altar. How could you do that to me?
Rex: Well, we're all set, so -- what happened?
Adriana: Just take me home, Rex. I want to go home.
Gigi: If Charlie did this for Rex, it's because that's the way he is. Maybe -- I don't know -- maybe he didn't get to raise his own son, so he just can't stop himself from helping someone who needs a father in their lives. He's -- he -- he helped me get Shane through some real rough times. He didn't have to do that.
Viki: No, I know that, but I don't see how a lie is going to help Rex.
Gigi: Maybe he made a bad call, but he didn't mean to hurt anybody, Viki. If I were in Charlie’s shoes, I would want someone to try to understand that I did what I did because I felt like there was nothing else I could do, and as much as I tried to make it right, things just kept stopping me.
Charlie: Rex, if there's anything -- oh, I didn't realize that you were here.
Dorian: I'm Adriana's mother. Why are you here?
Rex: He's my father.
Charlie: Yeah, listen, Rex, I was hoping that maybe we could finish our talk.
Adriana: Rex, can we please just go?
Rex: Sorry, it'll have to wait. But thanks for coming with me tonight. Really.
Dorian: Adriana, please --
Adriana: I'm ready to go. Now.
Rex: Ta-ta, mumsy.
Dorian: So, what was it you wanted to talk to your son about?
Charlie: Not that it's any of your business, but I was going to tell him the truth.
Dorian: No, you're not.
Doctor: You're still in mild shock. You've got to rest.
Todd: Okay, that's fine.
Doctor: You can't use that in here either.
Todd: Oh, right. Hospital rules. Thanks, sorry.
Doctor: Well, I'll be back to check on you later.
Todd: Hey, get me Jerry in "Metro," please. His boss. Hey, Jerry, it's Todd. I'm -- I'm okay. I want you to drop whatever you're doing, because I crashed my car in the southwest corner of Angel Square. So what I want you to do is go down there. I want you to buy a baby car seat. It's none of your business why. Just do it. Buy a baby car seat, go down to my car, and put one in the back seat. Strap it in and everything.
Charlie: I owe Rex the truth, and that's what I'm going to give him.
Dorian: No matter who it hurts?
Charlie: Oh, come off it, Dorian. You don't give a damn how Rex feels.
Dorian: Neither, apparently, do you. How do you think Viki is going to feel when she finds out that you've been lying to her about something so important?
Charlie: I've all ready told her that Rex isn't my son. And as soon as I talk to Rex, I'm going to tell her that my real son is Jared.
Dorian: You do realize you and Jared will become instant pariahs in this town?
Charlie: Jared is ready to face the music, and so am I, and there's not a thing that you can do to stop us. We've got you on tape trying to blackmail me, okay? You so much as think about trying to stop us, and we'll turn this thing around on you so fast you won't have a friend left in this town.
Marcie: I will tell you everything when you get here. Please, John, just hurry. Okay.
Marcie: Hey. Your Uncle John -- he's on his way. You remember him, right? He used to baby-sit you. Yeah. Tommy, hi. Oh, yes. Oh, I've missed you so much. Oh. Mike, this is all I've ever wanted. It's all I've waited for. Hi.
Michael: How are my two favorite people in the whole entire world?
Marcie: We're perfect.
Michael: Can you believe how much he has grown?
Marcie: Michael, you wouldn't believe all the words he's saying now. He's so very smart, and he remembers me. He was like -- it's like we never even spent a day apart. Do you want a snack, huh? Look, Daddy brought you a snack. I'll give you this, and then we'll see what we can do about dinner. What do you say, huh? Sound good? No? You don't want dinner? You just want the snack? Okay, you don't want this.
Michael: You know, I have to see if Todd's being released, and if he's not we have to call Blair. You know that, right?
Adriana: You actually got to carry me over the threshold.
Rex: You like the traditional me?
Adriana: I love the traditional you. And all the other you's.
Rex: I'll take that.
Adriana: I'm just happy to be out of the hospital and back home with you.
Rex: What did your mom say to get you so upset?
Adriana: Do you have that prescription you filled for me?
Rex: Yeah, I put it in here.
Rex: Is this my toothbrush?
Adriana: It's Rex's. Covered in his dna.
Gigi: And you want me to have this -- why?
Adriana: Your son -- I know he's not Brody's. But with this, he can be. Oh, there it is. Hope it helps.
Rex: If you were just going out for eggs, why did you have my toothbrush with you?
Woman: Now, still breathing deeply, slowly move into the royal pose.
Addie: I haven't encountered any dangerous men on the premises. In fact, there aren't any men here at all, unfortunately, except for big, strong Shaun and his --
Shaun: There it is. You heard the lady.
Woman: And inhale, breath of fire.
[Addie breathes heavily]
Jared: If David Vickers happens to pop in, call me, would you?
Shaun: I just might do that.
David: Thanks, Addie, baby.
Addie: You're welcome, honey. Now that it's nice and hot in here, I'd just love to try number 66 on my to-do list.
David: What's 66?
Addie: Have you ever tried a menage a trois?
Natalie: Mom, you don't know if David's still around, do you?
Viki: No, why?
Natalie: Just want to make sure that he didn't interfere with you and Charlie.
Viki: Oh. No, no, the only person interfering with Charlie and me is Charlie.
Natalie: What happened?
Viki: He lied to me. He's been lying to me for months about his son.
Natalie: Mom, I'm so sorry.
Viki: Well, you didn't have anything to do with it.
Natalie: Actually, I did.
Charlie: It's over, Dorian. No more secrets. Okay, you're just going to have to find some other way to torture what few friends you have left in your life. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to call Viki and tell her that I'm heading home.
Dorian: No, Charlie. Do not call --
Charlie: Would you -- Dorian!
Dorian: Charlie, don’t.
Charlie: No, would -- Dorian, what -- what the hell are you doing?
Dorian: Shh, just relax. Just relax.
Dorian: That's it.
Marcie: I know what has to happen, Mike. I know that if Todd has to stay here, then Sam has to go home with Blair. I am aware of that.
Michael: And you're okay with that? Do you know that I love you more than anything in the whole entire world?
Marcie: I'll be okay, Mike.
Michael: I'm really sorry.
Marcie: Go. Do whatever you have to do. We'll be okay.
Todd: Let me have my son.
>> On the next "One Life to Live" --
Starr: Do you think I'm crazy to think that I might be able to have this baby and raise it?
Todd: If you ever cared about me at all, you'll help me right now.
Viki: Maybe you should tell me everything you know about Charlie.
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