OLTL Transcript Thursday 5/30/02

 

 

One Life to Live Transcript Thursday 5/30/02

By Linda
Proofread by Kathy

>> Previously on "One Life to Live" --

Bo: You think Viki spilled coffee on you on purpose?

Gabrielle: Yeah, I know she did.

Max: You saw the tape! You saw I could barely stand! She switched the tapes on me.

Nora: It would appear that way.

Max: I don't believe this.

Roxy: Viki finally figured out what I've known all along -- you're a nobody.

Viki: Niki, please, go back inside and let me take control of my life.

**********************************************

Gabrielle: If I didn't know better, I would say you wanted Bo all to yourself. Oh, my God. I'm right, aren't I? You are after him, aren't you?

Niki: [As Viki] me? After Bo?

Gabrielle: Well, that explains why you're attached to his hip every time I turn around.

Niki: Excuse me. He is my brother-in-law.

Gabrielle: Yes, and you have said that before.

Niki: I can't believe you think this is just a ploy to win his affections. I mean, maybe you need to do that to get a man's attention. I don't.

Gabrielle: No, you just scald your rivals with hot coffee.

Niki: Oh, please. I've already apologized to you for that.

Gabrielle: Yes, but you haven't told me whether or not you did it on purpose.

Niki: All right, I will assure you it was not on purpose, but if you must know the truth, I don't think you're very good for Bo, and I have an excellent idea for what you can do with yourself.

Gabrielle: Well, I don't remember asking for your advice, so why don't you kindly, please, keep your thoughts and your coffee to yourself.

Niki: Hang on a minute. Just hear me out, ok? I have a proposition for you.

**********************************************

Antonio: Well, we looked everywhere. No valuables were missing.

Rae: No.

Bo: Nothing at all?

Rae: Did they think I had drugs because I'm a therapist?

[Doorbell rings]

Rae: Oh, excuse me a minute. Oh, Keri.

Keri: Hi, I came as soon as I could. Are you ok?

Rae: Oh, no, no, I'm fine. I wasn't even here when they broke in, whoever they are.

Bo: I think I know who's behind this.

**********************************************

Jen: Chad, I don't need that much stuff.

Chad: I thought you and Cristian were having a picnic.

Jen: Well, we are, but I was only supposed to bring these cookies that I made.

Chad: So what happened?

Jen: All we had left was the first batch.

Chad: And what was wrong with the first batch?

Jen: Everything.

Chad: Oh. Well, now you can have this instead.

Jen: Thank you. Hey, we're still going to go to that concert this weekend, right?

Chad: Yeah, if I can only get a date.

Jen: Oh, come on, look at all those girls that come in here and flirt with you. "Oh, Chad, show me how to make a Long Island iced tea." "Oh, Chad, which brewery do you think makes the best beer?"

Chad: You stop it.

Jen: Well, it's true.

Chad: It's not true, ok? Get out of here. Go and have a nice picnic.

Jen: We will, especially now that we can have some time alone without the third wheel.

Chad: Sounds good.

Jen: See you. Al. Hi.

Al: Don't you mean T.W.?

Jen: What?

Al: Short for third wheel?

**********************************************

Cristian: Come on, Natalie, tell me what's wrong.

Natalie: I -- I saw Roxy. She said --

Cristian: What? What did she say?

Natalie: You know what? Nothing. Never mind. It's my problem, not yours.

Cristian: Hey, I thought we were friends. You have a problem, I want to know about it.

Natalie: Cristian --

Cristian: I'm serious, Natalie. What did Roxy say? I mean, why would you even believe her? Well? Hey, you're not going to make me beg, are you?

Natalie: I'm a nothing.

Cristian: What?

Natalie: A nothing and a nobody.

Cristian: Natalie, you can't listen to anything this woman says. Look at what her life is. And now she's married to Max and bringing him down with her. You can't even consider what she says.

Natalie: It's not just her saying it.

Cristian: Then what is it?

Natalie: It's that she's right. I am a nobody.

**********************************************

Roxy: If our marriage is over today, how come I don't know about it?

Max: You didn't think it could happen, did you? Not after you switched the tape.

Roxy: You're not mad at me, are you? I had to do it because, you know, Maxie, we belong together.

Max: No, we don't, and now we're not going to be.

Roxy: What'd you do, bribe some judge?

Max: No.

Roxy: You did, didn't you?

Max: No, I didn't.

Roxy: I don't care. I'm going to fight it.

Max: Roxy --

Roxy: Hey, I'm not going to let you go. I'm like one of those cute little rottweilers. The more you try to get away, the harder I'll grip.

Max: Yeah, no kidding.

Roxy: Well, I don't care. I'm going to get my own lawyer.

Max: Ok, can I get a word in here, please?

Roxy: Yeah, not if that word is "sayonara."

Max: I want to be fair.

Roxy: You are?

Max: Yeah, I did not go see a judge.

Roxy: You didn't?

Max: Sure, why should I? This is something we can work out between just the two of us.

Roxy: We can?

Max: Yes, we can. How much you want?

Jen: What are you talking about?

**********************************************

Al: You know, I thought you were this incredible person, that you had forgiven me for everything I'd done to you.

Jen: I did. I did forgive you.

Al: No, you still think that I'm trying to come between you and Cristian. Well, I'm not, ok? And I don't know what I can do to convince you of that. Look, if you just want me to stay the hell away from you, that's no problem.

Jen: Al, I am not worried about you. I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about Natalie.

Al: Natalie?

Jen: Yes, Natalie is the third wheel, not you.

Al: Wait, I thought you guys were best friends after she came out to Las Vegas and saved you from big, bad Al.

Jen: She was just trying to score points with Cristian.

Al: Are you sure?

Jen: Yes. She doesn't care about me or you. All she cares about his him.

Al: Well, maybe we need to find her something else to care about.

Jen: Like what? A hobby?

Al: Maybe. But I don't think Natalie's the hobby type.

**********************************************

Cristian: You're not a nobody, Natalie.

Natalie: Sure I am. Roxy didn't want me. Viki doesn't want me, either.

Cristian: Mrs. Davidson? She wants you. And even if she didn't, that doesn't make you a nobody.

Natalie: Ok, so I'm a somebody -- somebody lazy and stupid.

Cristian: Is that what Roxy told you?

Natalie: On the hour, every hour.

Cristian: You can't listen to her, Natalie.

Natalie: Try telling a 7-year-old that.

Cristian: Look, I'm really sorry that you had to grow up that way.

Natalie: Thank you.

Cristian: But you know that wasn't about you. It was about her.

Natalie: No, it was about me.

Cristian: I guarantee you it wasn't.

Natalie: She didn't treat Rex that badly.

Cristian: Well, maybe she would have when he got older. I mean, you did say he left when he was young, right?

Natalie: Yeah, but she didn't want him to go. In fact, she begged Aunt Corinne just to take me instead. Can you believe that?

Cristian: No. No, I can't.

Natalie: Well, she did. She didn't want me. She wanted him.

Cristian: That can't be true.

Natalie: It is. Look -- it's true because when Rex was living with us, we didn't have much, but Roxy, she'd buy us things, you know, fun things once in a while, but then when he was gone, forget it. She didn't buy us anything. She wouldn't even get me clothes.

Cristian: So what did you wear? Hand-me-downs? You know, I got hit with a few of those myself.

Natalie: I had to sneak into her closet and steal her clothes from the past and cut up the sleeves and pants to try to get them to fit, and it still didn't look right. All the kids at school called me mix match. "Hey, mix match, can you make my clothes look as good as yours?"

Cristian: Yeah. Yeah, I know what it's like when you don't have a lot of money.

Natalie: Every day, all I wanted her to do is just come and hug me and tell me that it would be ok. You know, just show me that it was ok and that it didn't matter, that she loved me, you know? But she wasn't there. She was at the track or the slots, and sometimes I would -- I'd stay up all night just waiting for her to come home.

Cristian: And what would happen?

Natalie: She'd yell at me because I stayed up past my bedtime.

Cristian: Look, Natalie --

Natalie: I don't know. She doesn't love me. Why -- why would my own mother not love me? What's wrong with me?

**********************************************

Max: This is what you want, isn't it? Hmm?

Roxy: You think you can buy me off with a check?

Max: Well, either that or a case of beer, a couple dozen doughnuts, whatever you want, I'm very flexible. So come on, what's it going to take to buy my freedom?

Roxy: You know, freedom can get pretty expensive.

Max: Oh, yes, especially when someone's buying it from you.

Roxy: Hey, are you calling me greedy?

Max: No, now why would anyone ever call you greedy?

Roxy: I mean, how could you say that to me after everything I did for you? You know, I made you breakfast in bed.

Max: Oh, that's --

Roxy: I mean, at least I tried, anyway.

Max: That's right. You do care about me. That's why you tricked me into a prenup agreement after I was so drunk I couldn't see straight.

Roxy: Well, how the hell did I know that?

Max: Maybe because I was quoting the Gettysburg address! Maybe that's why. You know what? I could show you on the tape if you want to give it to me.

Roxy: Oh, yeah, and let you leave me? You know, Roxy Holden is a whole lot smarter than that, man.

Max: I'm leaving you anyway. So come on, what do you say? You be reasonable? Let me out of this whole thing? I'll give you $10,000.

Roxy: 15,000.

Max: Done.

Roxy: 20,000.

Max: Whoa, whoa, you said 15,000.

Roxy: And I'm saying 30,000.

Max: I thought we were negotiating here.

Roxy: There's nothing to negotiate. I got everything here I ever wanted.

Max: Look, come on, there must be some other things you want. I mean, you are a gambling woman.

Roxy: Well, maybe a couple of other things.

Max: Why don't you just tell me what they are. Let's make a deal.

**********************************************

Gabrielle: I don't think I could be interested in any proposition that you might have for me.

Niki: [As Viki] are you sure? I heard you lost your job at "The Sun."

Gabrielle: Good news travels fast.

Niki: Well, I realize that being jobless and penniless at the same time is not exactly new for you, but you don't have to stay that way.

Gabrielle: Thank you, Viki. Just knowing that you have hope for me, well, has brightened my mere existence immensely.

Niki: I read the competition, you know.

Gabrielle: Good for you.

Niki: And your work as the style editor at "The Sun," it wasn't -- well, it wasn't bad.

Gabrielle: All this flattery. I may be overcome.

Niki: You need a strong hand, though, to guide you, to rein you in, stop you from going over the top.

Gabrielle: Yeah, it's too bad your brother was busy breaking the law. Otherwise, he could have been more hands-on.

Niki: Exactly. I can assure you, I will whip you into shape.

Gabrielle: You'll what?

Niki: I will whip you into shape.

Gabrielle: Yeah, I heard what you said, but what on earth do you mean by it?

Niki: I am offering you the style section of "The Banner." Do you want the job or not?

**********************************************

Roxy: You're really going to give me what I want?

Max: Not that. Oh --

Roxy: Fine, then. No deal.

Max: Oh, wait, wait, wait a minute. You mean, if we, like, whoo, I'd get out of the marriage?

Roxy: And if we whoo, you're not going to want to get out of the marriage.

Max: Read my lips -- our wedding was a mistake.

Roxy: Yeah, but our wedding night wasn't.

Max: Oh, please. Would you stop reminding me?

Roxy: Well, I'm not going to have to remind you if we just relive it. You know, and this time I think we should reinforce the shower rod. You know, put some brackets up or --

Max: Oh, hey, please, spare me the visuals!

Roxy: Hey, are you afraid of our connection?

Max: We don't have a connection.

Roxy: Yes, we do have a connection. We're soul mates, Max.

Max: You don't have a soul.

Roxy: I -- is that something that you say to the love of your life?

Max: I don't love you. I never could love you.

Roxy: Well, you loved me on our wedding night.

Max: Temporary insanity.

Roxy: Oh, I don't buy it. I've slept with insane people. A couple, in fact.

Max: Same time?

Roxy: Well, and they weren't nearly as good as you. You wanted me that night, Maxie. I know that you did.

Max: No, I didn't.

Roxy: Hey, Maxie, you got to give me credit for something. I mean, you know, I never would have married you if there weren't sparks.

Max: Yeah -- sparks with the insane people, too?

Roxy: Oh, Max, you got to stop fighting this. What is that saying? "Me thinks that thou doth prostate too much"?

Max: And she can quote the classics, too.

Roxy: All right, well, you know, maybe I'm not so good at that stuff, but, you know, there is one thing I'm good at, and if you remember our wedding night, I'm sure you'll figure out what it is. But just in case, why don't I show you? Maybe I should remind you why you were so hot to tie the wedding knot.

**********************************************

Gabrielle: Are you offering me a job?

Niki: [As Viki] No, this is not just a job. This is an empire.

Gabrielle: You're offering me your job?

Niki: Give me a break. The style section is a very, very nice little kingdom all on its own, you know? Two pages in every daily edition. Six pages on Sunday.

Gabrielle: I don't suppose you'll have me baby-sit your children, either?

Niki: My what?

Gabrielle: Never mind.

Niki: I thought this would be a chance for you to show everybody that you're, well, accomplishments at "The Sun" were not merely a fluke.

Gabrielle: They weren't.

Niki: I know they weren't. I just said they weren't. And to prove to you that I meant what I said, I'll double what Todd was paying you.

Gabrielle: My goodness, that's quite a handsome offer.

Niki: You bet it is.

Gabrielle: What's the catch?

Niki: Oh! Excuse me!

Gabrielle: Oh, come on, Viki. We know each other better than that to play these games.

Niki: Oh -- teeny little thing.

Gabrielle: Ah, I thought so.

Niki: It's a teeny, tiny little nothing.

Gabrielle: What is it?

Niki: Please. I just want you to move out of Bo's apartment and have nothing to do with him anymore.

**********************************************

Rae: Bo?

Bo: Yeah?

Rae: Do you think it could be Todd Manning?

Bo: Manning?

Rae: Well, he broke in here once before when he and Blair were having trouble. I mean, it makes sense. They've split up now.

Bo: I don't think Manning is a suspect.

Rae: Well, if it's not him, who, then?

Antonio: Well, all of the alcohol has been stolen from the bar.

Bo: This fits the M.O. of a lot of other burglaries that have happened here in your neighborhood. There have been several.

Rae: In my neighborhood? How come I don't know about that?

Bo: It's kind of a low-profile crime, really.

Antonio: Yeah, they usually happen in the middle of the afternoon when the kids let out. A bunch of underage kids, basically, looking for a way to party. They usually steal money, too.

Rae: Well, do you have any leads?

Bo: We have a few, but we're going to have to catch them in the act.

Rae: Oh.

Bo: Don't worry, we will. In the meantime, Rae, you know what? Maybe you ought to think about a security system.

Rae: Yeah. Yeah, tell me about it. I --

Bo: Do you have anything to cover the window that they broke?

Rae: Oh, I'm sure I do in the garage, some boards or something.

Antonio: And I'll help you with it.

Rae: Thank you.

Antonio: Sure.

Bo: Looks like you're in good hands.

Rae: Yeah. Bo, thank you.

Bo: Hey, don't you worry, Rae, we're going to catch them.

Keri: Rae?

Rae: Yeah?

Keri: Where does this go?

Rae: Oh, Keri, you don't have to do this.

Keri: No, I want to.

Rae: Well, you know what? I really could use a little moral support right now. It goes in the cabinet.

Keri: Oh.

Rae: Well, I guess the both of you now know my secret -- I'm a pack rat.

Antonio: No, there are worse things.

Rae: I should have really gotten rid of all this stuff years ago. Ok, there's no time like the present. I'll go get some trash bags?

Antonio: Perfect.

Rae: Good. All right. I'll be back.

Antonio: Oh, well, it's a good thing we stuck around. Looks like this is a three-person job.

Keri: Yeah, or four or five.

Antonio: Well, that's ok because that just means I get to spend a little more time with you.

Keri: Antonio? You're working.

Antonio: Well, call me unprofessional. I couldn't resist.

Keri: You can be as unprofessional as you want.

**********************************************

Cristian: There's nothing wrong with you, Natalie. It's Roxy, the one who's all messed up.

Natalie: Why did she like Rex?

Cristian: Well, maybe she's better with little kids. I don't know, but you know what? It doesn't seem like she was ever that great of a mother.

Natalie: Yeah, she was pretty awful, even when Rex lived with us.

Cristian: Whatever she did is her problem, not yours or Rex's.

Natalie: Yeah. You know, I'm just glad that Rex got out of there. He was so much better off living with my aunt.

Cristian: It's just too bad you couldn't get out of there, too.

Natalie: No kidding. You know, when I couldn't fall asleep, I used to -- I used to imagine what it would be like to finally find him again.

Cristian: Was it as good as you hoped?

Natalie: No. It was better.

Cristian: You don't seem all that happy about it.

Natalie: Because he's found Jessica. Now I'm going to lose him all over again.

Cristian: You're not going to lose him, Natalie. It's just that now, well, he's got two sisters instead of one. That's it.

Natalie: Yeah, one he loves and one he doesn't.

Cristian: Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

Natalie: Because it's true. He has Jessica. Why would he want me?

Cristian: Is that what Roxy told you?

Natalie: Look, it's true, ok? She's beautiful, she's sweet, everybody loves her.

Cristian: You're beautiful and smart and good to be with.

Natalie: Yeah, but not sweet.

Cristian: Well, you don't let everybody in, Natalie, but, you know, once you do, you're great. You are really great.

Natalie: And I guess it's better than nothing, huh? Since nobody's ever going to love me.

Cristian: That is not true.

Natalie: Yeah? Name one guy that would want me.

Cristian: I could name a bunch of guys that would want to hang out with you. You know what? They're not special enough for you.

Natalie: Where are those special guys, huh?

Cristian: They'll come to you. You'll see.

**********************************************

Gabrielle: Now, you see, I must've been hallucinating. What was it that you just said?

Niki: [As Viki] I said if you want the job, you have to stay away from Bo and stay out of his life.

Gabrielle: You're trying to buy me off.

Niki: Oh, and I hope I'm successful.

Gabrielle: No, you're not successful.

Niki: Hmm. How about eight pages on Sunday?

Gabrielle: No!

Niki: Oh.

Gabrielle: And I have a right mind to turn around and walk right out of here and pretend I never heard this, but in consideration for Bo, I'm going to set you straight on something. There is nothing going on between us. Nothing whatsoever. We are just friends.

Niki: Oh, honey, you don't know the meaning of the word "friend."

Gabrielle: Excuse me? Yes, I do. I am learning about it from Bo, who is simply my roommate. I have no designs on him whatsoever.

Niki: Oh, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby. Try it again with feeling.

Gabrielle: All right, you believe what you want, ok, because Bo and I know the truth. And one other thing. I find this proposition of yours to me exceedingly insulting.

Niki: Well, insulting or not, the job offers are not exactly pouring in, are they? So I tell you what -- I'll give you 24 hours to make up your mind. It's up to you. I don't hear a no.

Gabrielle: I'm not going to dignify that with a response.

Niki: "I'm not going to dignify that with a response." [As herself] pfft, pfft, pfft! Oh, honey, you'll come crawling, crawling back to me sooner or later, and then it'll be Niki and Bo sitting in the tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g

**********************************************

Keri: Ah!

Antonio: Oh, what happened? You ok?

Keri: No, I'm fine. Do you remember this?

Antonio: Oh, yeah. I can't believe I didn't want to go to that thing.

Keri: Oh, I know. Me, either. It just seemed too impossible to be together.

Antonio: Yeah, like no matter what we did, our families were always going to get in the way.

Keri: But look at us now.

Antonio: Yeah, not so bad. Just shows you that hard work always pays off.

Keri: And what hard work would that be?

Antonio: Well, I mean, if I wouldn't have done all the hard work on this paper here, I wouldn't have received the Mackenzie award.

Keri: Right, if I wouldn't have made you do all that hard work.

Antonio: Now, wait a second, I pulled an all-nighter on this.

Keri: Yeah, partying with Vanessa.

Antonio: Oh, you're never going to let me live that down, are you?

Keri: Not in this lifetime. Ah! Look, more stuff.

Antonio: Oh, it's always work, work, work with you.

Rae: Ok. All of this stuff here can go.

Antonio: Oh, good.

Keri: Are you sure?

Rae: Yes. I mean, I haven't looked at it in years. Obviously I'm not going to miss it. Just toss it in here.

Keri: Even this camera?

Rae: My God. I -- I didn't even know I had this. A lot of memories.

Keri: You know, I had one like that when I was a kid and I think it took better pictures than the one I have now.

Rae: It's yours.

Keri: Oh, no, I couldn't --

Rae: No, no, no, please, I insist. May it capture all of your beautiful moments together.

Keri: Hey, we can take this on our trip together, see if it still works.

Rae: Are you going on a trip?

Antonio: Yeah, yeah.

Rae: Great. Where?

Keri and Antonio: We don't know.

**********************************************

Chad: Hey. Cheer up.

Al: Why?

Chad: Jen's still talking to you, isn't she?

Al: Yeah, I'm so happy, I almost forgot she was back with Cristian.

Chad: You just got to move on, man.

Al: You know, that's the first time I heard that, Chad.

[Phone rings]

Chad: Break Bar. Hey, Beth. Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted to know if you wanted to go to that concert on Saturday. Well, it would just be us and a couple friends -- Jen Rappaport and Cristian Vega. You know them? Yeah, yeah. So what do you say? You want to go? Oh. Ok. Maybe some other time. Like never!

Al: You got dissed by Beth, huh?

Chad: No, she just had other plans.

Al: Right.

Chad: Shut up, dude. She's going to that end-of-the-year party on campus like everybody else.

Al: Yeah, that's a pretty good excuse.

Chad: What do I have to do to get a date, man?

Al: Call her.

Chad: Are you serious?

Al: Yeah. She'll say yes.

Chad: Natalie, huh?

**********************************************

Jen: Hey, you guys.

Cristian: Hey. You're back.

Jen: Yeah. So you're celebrating the end of school, too?

Natalie: Sort of.

Jen: Well, you're not taking summer classes, are you?

Natalie: No.

Jen: Yeah, I was thinking about it, but, you know, I'd rather just have fun this summer.

Cristian: I second that.

Jen: And you definitely don't want to be stuck with me studying.

Cristian: Who says I'd study with you?

Jen: Cris --

Cristian: No. Just kidding. Whatever we do, we'll do together.

Jen: Sounds good to me.

Natalie: Ahem. Well, I guess I'd better be going.

Cristian: Well, hold on a second. Why don't you stay? We're having a picnic.

Natalie: No, I really can't. You know what? Thank you for the advice, and I'll see you guys later.

Jen: Hey, wait, Natalie.

Natalie: Yeah?

Jen: Do you have a minute? I want to talk to you about something.

**********************************************

Max: No, no, no. We are not going to do that again.

Roxy: Just keep saying that.

Max: I mean it.

Roxy: Whoa. Come on, you can't fool me. I know when someone's lying to me.

Max: Yeah? You know when someone's saying no?

Roxy: Only because they don't remember, and when they do, they're going to come running back.

Max: Oh, come on. Look, Roxy, this -- this -- it was a mistake for both of us that night.

Roxy: It wasn't a mistake.

Max: Then what would you call it?

Roxy: Best 200 bucks I ever spent.

Max: We do not belong together. We are not soul mates.

Roxy: Well, maybe not now, but we could be.

Max: No.

Roxy: Come on! You like to play the odds. Why don't you take a chance on me, man, huh?

Max: They don't make odds long enough.

Roxy: Well, they should, because I'm a winner. I'm going to be the best wife that you've ever had.

Max: I don't see that happening.

Roxy: Look, I can take this pile of rocks and I can make it into a beautiful home.

Max: Oh, no, please. Oh --

Roxy: Because I got a couple of ideas. The first idea is I'm going to take a bearskin rug and I'm going to stick it in front of the fireplace.

Max: Oh, ok, here we go.

Roxy: You know, just like when Burt Reynolds posed on that rug for the centerfold?

Max: Yeah, and don't get any ideas about --

Roxy: Oh, just wait till you see the eyebrows raise when we have company.

Max: At this rate, nobody's coming over here.

Roxy: Oh, yeah, they're going to when they hear that we throw wild parties, because nobody throws a shindig like Max and Roxy.

Max: Oh, please. You know, when you say our two names together like that, it makes me ill.

Roxy: Well, it won't because to know me is to love me. It's just you and me against the world, baby.

Max: Look -- ok, ok, all right. Look, a final offer. Final offer, easiest money you ever made.

Roxy: You think that's so easy?

Max: I don't care what it is. I don't love you. I really don't want to live with you. I just want this joke of a marriage to be over.

Roxy: When hell freezes over.

Max: No problem. I'll go start making the ice cubes.

Roxy: Then I guess I'll start taking what's mine, huh?

**********************************************

Al: I've seen Natalie flirt with you, Chad.

Chad: When she was trying to make Seth jealous.

Al: She likes you, bro. I'm telling you, if you call her up, she'll say yes.

Chad: I'll think about it.

Al: You won't be disappointed, buddy.

Roxy: Well, well, well, well, well, well.

Chad: Can I help you?

Roxy: It ain't about the help that you're going to give me, it's about the help I'm going to give you.

**********************************************

Niki: Got to finish this before Benji comes home, because miss Victoria doesn't drink beer. Not good enough for her refined palate. Just shows how boring she is. Oh! Once I get rid of Benji, man, I'm just free to do whatever I want. And Bo. Bo is a beer drinker from way back. Yeah. You know what? I'll take it up just to please him. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, yes! That's a match made in heaven -- or not. If I can just pull it off.

[Doorbell rings]

[Doorbell rings]

Niki: [As Viki] Bo. What a surprise.

Bo: Oh, Viki, you -- you take my breath away.

Niki: Oh, this old thing?

Bo: You look magnificent. Just like the news I just got.

Niki: What news was that?

Bo: Gabrielle finally hauled her butt out of my place.

Niki: Really? But I thought that -- I mean, surely you two --

Bo: Gabrielle and me? Not anymore.

Niki: Oh, my. I'm so terribly, terribly sorry.

Bo: Well, don't be. Because Gabrielle packing it up -- that's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Niki: It is?

Bo: Mm-hmm. Because it made me realize that both you and me have been wasting a lot of time.

Niki: We have?

Bo: Mm-hmm. Yeah -- me with Gabrielle, you with Ben?

Niki: Do you really think so?

Bo: I do. I want you, Viki.

Niki: Oh, Bo.

Bo: And I have to have you.

Niki: Oh, Bo. I know this is so wrong, but I want you, too.

Bo: Do you have any beer?

Niki: Funny you should ask.

Bo: Well, thank you.

Niki: [As herself] oh, yes, yes, yes! Oh, Bo Bo, that is it! That is exactly, exactly it. Yeah.

**********************************************

Gabrielle: Good old "Banner," let's see what you've got. Oh, what I could do with that page. Why don't I want to do it?

Bo: Hey, Gabrielle.

Gabrielle: Hey, Bo. I didn't expect to see you back this time of day.

Bo: Oh, I've got some notes on an old case. I wanted to come back and get them. Are you ok?

Gabrielle: Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, yeah.

Bo: Hmm. You know, you've lived here long enough for me to kind of know when something's bothering you.

Gabrielle: All right. Viki has just offered me the style section of "The Banner."

Bo: That's great!

Gabrielle: As long as I move out of here and have nothing more to do with you.

Bo: What?

Gabrielle: That's what I said.

Bo: Viki actually said that?

Gabrielle: She actually said that.

Bo: Oh, wait -- are you sure you didn't misunderstand --

Gabrielle: Bo, she made it very, very clear. But --

Bo: This doesn't make any sense. I --

Gabrielle: Don't go getting angry with her because she did have your best interests at heart.

Bo: How is you moving out of here in my best interest?

Gabrielle: Come on. Everybody knows that, you know, having me under your roof couldn't possibly be good for you.

Bo: Look, I'll decide what's good for me.

Gabrielle: Yeah. All right. But let's be honest here. She has a point. I mean, I've never been particularly good for anybody.

Bo: That's not true.

Gabrielle: We're a bit of an odd couple, right? Now, come on, you've thought it yourself. You know, the ex-con and the police commissioner as roomies -- that's a sitcom if I've ever heard one.

Bo: I like sitcoms.

Gabrielle: I think that Viki has a point this time, I think she really does. So I'm going to get my stuff together and I think it's a good -- Bo? Bo?

**********************************************

Max: That's right. Every lock in the house. Well, I don't know how many. What does it matter? Ok, lots, all right? Now, how soon can you get them changed?

Nora: You cannot kick Roxanne out of your house, and you cannot leave yourself, unless you want to lose your shirt.

Max: No, wait, forget it. No, I mean, just -- just for now. Look, I'll call you back soon, if there's any justice in this world. All right, come on, I can make it, I can make it. It's just going to be a couple months. It'll be like she was never here. Yes! I can do this. All right, ok. Let's just count our blessings. At least we're all -- ow. Ow. Oh -- oh -- oh.

[Phone rings]

Max: Hello?

Chad: Hey. Hey, boss, it's Chad.

Max: Yeah, what's up?

Chad: You got to get down here, like, right now.

Max: Why? What happened?

Chad: Well, your wife.

**********************************************

Natalie: Ok, I guess I can stay for a little while.

Jen: Great. I have enough food to feed an army.

Cristian: And it's a good thing you brought that, because I never made it to the diner. Sorry.

Jen: It's ok. You can make it up by getting the blanket. It's in the car.

Cristian: Sure. Be right back.

Jen: Thanks.

Natalie: So what'd you want to talk to me about?

Jen: Just Cristian.

Natalie: What about him?

Jen: Stay away from him.

Natalie: What?

Jen: Every time I turn around, you're all over him.

Natalie: We're just talking.

Jen: Yeah, and every time you talk, you have your head on his shoulder.

Natalie: Yeah, but it doesn't mean anything.

Jen: I don't care what it means. I'm sick of it.

**********************************************

Chad: Oh, man.

Max: Chad --

Chad: Max.

Max: What the hell's going on here?

Chad: I tried to stop her.

Max: But she won't listen to you, right?

Chad: No, no, no. She said as soon as they're done in there, they're going to move out here.

Roxy: Ok. Take it up a little higher. All right, now to the left. All right, yeah, that's perfect. Hello, Max-a-million. What do you think?

**********************************************

Keri: Strike a pose.

Antonio: No, not yet. We're not on vacation.

Keri: I wonder if this thing still works?

Antonio: Well, I don't know, but you're not testing it on me.

Keri: Well, why not? You look gorgeous.

Antonio: Yeah, well, you look better, so let me take one of you.

Keri: Too bad there's no film in it.

Antonio: Oh, yeah, there is.

Keri: You're kidding?

Antonio: Uh-uh.

Keri: Oh, my gosh, there's a roll here she never developed.

Antonio: Yeah, it's too bad because they're never going to come out now.

Keri: Never say never.

Antonio: What?

Keri: I took a photography course.

Antonio: Ah. And you really want to try to get these pictures developed?

Keri: Yeah, can you imagine the look on Rae's face when we bring back all these memories from her past?

**********************************************

Rae: So many memories.

Rae: No. I don't want to remember.

**********************************************

Al: Are you sure this is a good time? Because, you know, if it's not, I can come back, Mom.

Gabrielle: Of course it's a good time. It's always a good time to see my son.

Al: Are you sure?

Gabrielle: Yeah.

Al: Ok.

Gabrielle: So how's everything with you, then?

Al: Oh -- ok, I guess, I mean, for a guy whose dad just married a walking nightmare.

Gabrielle: Yeah, that thing called Roxy. I met her this morning.

Al: Oh, you did?

Gabrielle: Yeah, mm-hmm. I have to admit, made me feel a bit better to see that Max was in as much agony as I am.

Al: You're in agony?

Gabrielle: Oh, Al, I've made such a mess of everything, and I'm so sorry. But you know, the odd things is, well, lately, I've been feeling a bit better.

Al: That's good.

Gabrielle: I'm just so sorry, you know -- all the choices he had, couldn't he have picked somebody better to be your step-mom?

Al: I don't know. I mean, she's pretty horrendous.

Gabrielle: But you'll be all right. I know you will. I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.

Al: Proud?

Gabrielle: Yeah.

Al: Of what?

Gabrielle: For whatever happened in Las Vegas, and I don't want to know the details. And for getting over Jen and learning from your mistakes.

Al: It's about time, don't you think?

Gabrielle: Yes, yes. But now you can go forward and find somebody who's really right for you.

Al: You know, if you'd said that to me a couple of weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed you.

Gabrielle: But you do now, don't you?

Al: Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Gabrielle: Oh, I'm so happy for you.

**********************************************

Niki: Not bad, Niki. Not bad at all.

[Doorbell rings]

Niki: Maybe I should start believing in fairy godmothers after all. Oh, Bo! What a surprise!

Bo: Viki, we've got a big problem.

**********************************************

>> On the next "One Life to Live" --

Bo: Viki, what's going on with you?

Natalie: You've got it totally wrong about me and Cristian.

Jen: I don't think so.

Roxy: Half of the bar is mine, and I say it's this half.

Starr: You know what? This time you're going to skip that stupid part about fighting and you're going to get back together!

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