OLTL Transcript Monday 5/20/02

 

 

One Life to Live Transcript Monday 5/20/02

By Linda
Proofread by Kathy

Lindsay: What did you say?

Allison: I hate blondes, bleached or otherwise. You're all trouble.

Lindsay: You ought to try redheads.

Allison: I hate the whole bunch of them. Roxy, Jessica, Viki. I hate that whack job the most. She's totally out of her mind.

*********************************************

Niki: Yes! Yes! Niki wins! Niki win! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Niki gets it all! Yes! Oh, no. Ah! No! No!

Viki: Oh -- oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Niki's gone. Oh, my God! Oh, my God. I'm back. Oh, I'm back in control. I don't understand how this happened. I'm supposed to be integrated. I am integrated. How did she take over like that? How could I have let that happen? I have to find Ben. I have to tell him.

*********************************************

Ben: A problem with anger? I don't have a problem with anger. What are you talking about?

Bo: I'm talking about this. You know, you've been losing your temper a lot lately, Ben.

Ben: What? When? When? Oh, what, with Allison?

Bo: Well, there's an example.

Ben: Come on, Bo. That psycho chased Viki into the ladies' room! And how'd you let that happen? Where were your people?

Bo: All right, the guard made a mistake, and he's going to be reprimanded. But for that -- but you -- there's been more than one incident.

Ben: There's been more than one? Name one -- name an incident! Come on, Bo, you can't name one because there aren't any. Well, I -- wait a minute, wait a minute -- this isn't your idea. Who's feeding you this garbage?

*********************************************

Roxy: Careful, Maxie. Ooh! You're going to damage the merchandise.

Max: We are going to settle this once and for all.

Roxy: Ooh, you're as forceful today as you were when you dragged me into here last night. I love a strong guy.

Max: For -- I didn't drag you in here, and we are not married.

Roxy: Oh, really? I have the ring to prove it, and so do you.

Max: Yeah, well, not for long I don't.

Roxy: Remember when I squeezed this on you during the ceremony?

Max: Well, you know what? I'm going to get it off! I don't care if I have to chew my own finger off to do it!

Roxy: Well, that's a big old waste.

Max: Hello? Hello, anyone here? Hello?

Minister: Everybody's always in such a hurry. Oh, hello.

Roxy: Hi.

Minister: Oh, we were just having a late breakfast.

Max: Ok, look, it's only going to take a minute, all right? All you have to do is say you don't know us, you've never seen us, we've never been in here before.

Minister: I can't do that, Mr. Holden. I'm the one who married you and your lovely wife last night.

Max: No.

Roxy: Yes.

*********************************************

Jessica: Rex? What -- what are you doing in Llanview?

Rex: I came to see my sister.

*********************************************

Todd: You're back. You came back. You -- you got my message?

Blair: Yeah, I got it.

Todd: And you came back.

Blair: Starr and I had a long talk today.

Todd: All right, well -- well, what'd you talk about?

Blair: She heard us fighting and she was very upset.

Todd: Yeah, well, I was upset, too.

Blair: She wants us to get back together.

Todd: Of course she does.

Blair: That's why I'm here.

 (Horn honking)

*********************************************

Lindsay: Were you talking to me?

Allison: No.

Guard: You and your royal highness here will have lots of time to chat -- like 20 or 30 years. Don't get too comfortable. Work detail is in about an hour. The girls will all be wearing white gloves and pearls today.

Allison: Witch.

Lindsay: She can be very mean.

Allison: I was talking about you. Her, I like.

Lindsay: Lindsay Rappaport.

Allison: Did I ask?

Lindsay: Look, these are very close quarters, and obviously we're going to be in them together for a while. Do you have a name?

Allison: Allison.

Lindsay: Do you have a last name?

Allison: Perkins.

Lindsay: Allison Perkins -- you're the one who kidnapped Jessica Buchanan and switched her with Natalie.

Allison: It's the other way around. Natalie was the one I kidnapped.

Lindsay: Oh, right.

Allison: And you're that nut job who kidnapped Nora Buchanan. Oh, yeah. Well, the newspapers had a field day with you.

Lindsay: Well, they only told her side of the story.

Allison: Don't you just hate that?

Lindsay: Are you mocking me?

Allison: No. I'm serious. Damn newspapers.

Lindsay: So why'd you do it -- steal Viki's baby?

Allison: I don't do interviews.

Lindsay: Sorry.

Allison: Not half as sorry as Natalie is. She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, and I yanked it out.

Lindsay: I understand she got it back.

Allison: Yeah. But not until she'd spent a life being raised by that trashy half-wit I dumped her with in Atlantic City.

Lindsay: But the newspapers said that you --

Allison: Oh, no, forget the newspapers. There is no woman on this planet you want to be stuck with worse than Roxy.

*********************************************

Minister: It was a beautiful ceremony. You went top of the line on the whole deal.

Max: I'll bet.

Minister: Oh, yeah, we lit up the fantasy Venetian landscape for you.

Roxy: It was my dream wedding. I was so overwhelmed, I had to borrow your hanky.

Minister: And I officiated personally -- in full regalia. Like I said, top of the line.

Max: You're lying. No, no. There is no way I drank enough last night to marry this -- this --

Roxy: Babe? Knockout?

Max: I think the word is "beast."

Roxy: "Beast." You know, he's a little hung over because it was a hell of a wedding night.

Max: It's nothing to do with the hangover. Ah.

Roxy: You know, darling, I don't think that's any way that you should be referring to your blushing bride.

Max: First of all, I'm not your "darling," you are not my bride. I bet there hasn't been anything in years that could make you blush.

Juanita: Mr. Holden? Mrs. Holden, congratulations again. That was so beautiful last night and so much fun.

Max: Who the hell are you?

Minister: Mr. Holden.

Roxy: That's Juanita.

Minister: My wife.

Roxy: Oh, you really don't remember a thing, do you? Oh, Juanita was our witness and my matron of honor. By the way, honey, I loved that outfit last night.

Juanita: Really? I'll get you a copy of the catalog.

Roxy: All right.

Max: This -- no, no -- this -- this -- ah -- this is a scam. This -- ok, all right. How much did she pay you to back up her story?

Minister: Hey, we were paid the standard fee for the top-of-the-line Venetian fantasy wedding.

Juanita: Plus an extra 100 bucks for the video.

Max: Video?

*********************************************

Jessica: Your -- your sister?

Corinne: The only difference is you have a different sister.

Rex: Yeah, a rich one. Yeah, my sister -- Natalie. We got separated when I was still tiny. I found out she's living here in Llanview, so -- what are you doing here? I mean, don't you have kids to tutor back in Detroit? Wait -- did my aunt hire you to follow me?

Jessica: No, I -- I don't live in Detroit. I never have. I live here in Llanview.

Rex: I don't get it.

Jessica: When we met, you just automatically assumed that your aunt hired me to be your tutor, but she didn't.

Rex: That's not why you were at my house?

Jessica: No.

Rex: But you said you were looking for me. Why? And why didn't you set me straight there?

Jessica: Well, you didn't really give me a chance. But I -- I also -- I just didn't -- I didn't know if it was my place to tell you the truth.

Rex: What truth? What's going on? What, you still don't think it's your place to tell me? I get it. It's something awful, right?

Jessica: No, it's not. All right, you know what? You're asking, right? You deserve to know.

Rex: Deserve to know what?

Jessica: Natalie isn't your sister. I am.

*********************************************

Todd: Yes! You got -- I knew you'd give me a second chance!

Blair: I'm not giving you a second chance.

Todd: Ok, it's, like, a third chance.

Blair: Not a third.

Todd: Fourth chance, whatever. Call it whatever you want, it doesn't matter.

Blair: It does matter.

Todd: You're right, it matters. It matters. I should have told you the truth about Jack.

Blair: Yeah, you should have.

Todd: I won't lie to you anymore. I swear, from now on, I will tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But really, it's just you because I'm still going to lie to everybody else because -- ok, I won't. I won't lie to you because we've got each other, right? And you've also got Jack and you've got Starr -- that's four -- four Mannings! I'll make it up to you, Blair. I will, I'm going to make this up to you. From now on, I mean it, I'm going to be perfect -- the perfect husband, the perfect father, the perfect everything.

Blair: Stop, Todd, stop. You're not going to make it up to me. You're not getting another chance. Our marriage is over.

Todd: What are you talking about? This marriage isn't over.

Blair: Yes, it is.

Todd: No, it isn't.

Blair: Yes, it is.

Todd: No, you talked to Starr. Starr said that she wants us to stay together.

Blair: That's what she wants. I don't.

Todd: Well, it's two against one. You've been out voted.

Blair: Doesn't work that way, Todd.

Todd: Well, you can't do this to me. You -- and you can't do this to Starr. I mean -- come on, she always gets everything that she wants, especially if it's something important.

Blair: Well, that's why I want this to be a very clean and easy break.

Todd: And you're going to do this to Starr? She's going to be devastated.

Blair: I know.

Todd: And that's ok with you? What the hell kind of a parent are you?

Blair: I just figure the sooner we get this divorce under way, the easier it'll be for Starr to deal with it, and we'll get on with our lives, all of us.

Todd: I don't want to deal with -- I don't want to move on or get on with my life or any -- I don't want a divorce!

Blair: Well, I didn't want to think that my son was dead, either. And I didn't want to believe that Jack was another woman's son! But we don't always get what we want, now, do we, Todd?

Todd: You know, I -- I should -- I should have told you the truth. The -- I was going to. I was going to tell you the truth.

Blair: Once you found out that Jack was your son. But what about before? Whether he was Max's or yours, I was still his mother!

Todd: Oh, yeah, I know -- I know that.

Blair: And if you hadn't have found out, Todd, what were you going to do? You going to let me spend the rest of my life thinking that my son was dead, huh?

Todd: I -- I don't know. I didn't want to tell you the truth because I thought if I told you the truth, that you'd do something stupid, like what you're doing now!

Blair: But you didn't have any problem telling Gabrielle or Alex, did you, huh?

Todd: I didn't tell them anything. They just kind of found out.

Blair: Well, who else found out, Todd?

Todd: I --

Blair: You know what? It doesn't matter. It's over. And I -- I want you out of my life. I want you out of our lives.

Todd: "Our" lives?

Blair: Yeah. Mine, Starr's, and Jack's.

Todd: No. No, no -- no way. I'm not letting you take my kids away from me.

Blair: Watch me.

*********************************************

Max: You videotaped the wedding?

Juanita: Well, that's why you paid the extra 100 bucks.

Minister: Believe me, it was worth every penny, Mr. Holden.

Juanita: Oh, yes. You know, we're considered cutting edge when it comes to videotaping weddings.

Minister: Oh, yeah -- multiple cameras, close-ups, high-definition -- yeah, we do it right, you know?

Max: Great, great. I agreed to this?

Minister: No, no, it was Mrs. Holden who insisted on the tape. You know, brides seem to cherish their memories.

Roxy: Yeah, I wanted it for prosperity.

Max: I think you mean, "posterity," dear.

Roxy: Oh, yeah, whatever. Anyway, "Mrs. Holden" -- doesn't it have a wonderful ring to it? Doesn't it, Maxie?

Max: Don't call me Maxie. And there is no tape back in our room.

Minister: Oh, well, that's because you two lovebirds were in too much of a hurry to wait for us to get the tape ready for you.

Roxy: Oh, yeah, my little stud muffin, you couldn't wait to get upstairs and concentrate the marriage. Speaking of concentration, he's an animal.

Minister: So we said we'd hold it for you, and here it is, huh?

Roxy: Oh, I can't wait to see it.

Juanita: We can all watch it right here on our own special nuptial screening device.

Max: Don't you mean TV and V.C.R.?

Juanita: Ah, they've been modified.

Max: How much is this going to cost me?

Minister: For you two, it's on the house.

Roxy: All right, what are we waiting for? Pop that sucker in.

Minister: Yeah.

Roxy: I'm dying to see this. Aren't you, baby?

Max: Oh, yeah, I'm dying, all right.

Juanita: Here we go.

*********************************************

Viki: I can undo whatever damage she did. I can fix whatever she's done to my marriage, but I have to find Ben. Ben. Oh, I'm sorry.

Bailiff: Careful, Mrs.. Davidson.

Viki: I'm sorry. Have you seen my husband, Dr. Davidson?

Bailiff: Are you all right?

Viki: Yes -- have you seen my husband, Dr. Davidson?

Bailiff: He was outside the hearing room a little while ago.

Viki: Ok, thanks.

*********************************************

Ben: Who told you I have trouble with my temper?

Niki: [As Viki] He has this anger, and it's quite frightening sometimes.

Bo: Anger?

Niki: Yes.

Bo: Nobody had to tell me anything. You're a Buchanan, you know? It's in our genes. Grandpa, he passed it on to Pa, Pa passed it on to us.

Ben: Well, why you bringing this up now?

Bo: Because I'm worried about you.

Ben: You know what? I'm fine. Why don't you worry about your guards?

Bo: Take it easy.

Ben: Take it easy? Bo, you're way out of line here.

Bo: I'm your brother.

Ben: You're my brother? My brother wouldn't have let Allison Perkins anywhere near Viki.

Bo: Look, the guard messed up, ok? I'll speak to the department of corrections.

Ben: You know what? My brother would have ensured the protection of my wife against that psycho spewing her garbage!

Bo: All right, all right! You're right -- that -- that never should have happened, but it happened.

Ben: I don't have time for this. I got to find Viki.

Bo: No, no -- this is exactly what I'm talking about.

Ben: This conversation is over.

Viki: Bo?

Bo: Huh?

Viki: Bo. Oh, my God.

Bo: Viki, what's wrong?

Viki: Oh, my God, this has been a nightmare!

Bo: Yeah, well, what happened? What is it?

Viki: Bo, it's Niki Smith.

*********************************************

Rex: So you're really my sister?

Jessica: I really am.

Rex: You sure?

Jessica: Yes. Natalie had a D.N.A. test done to prove it.

Rex: This is so weird.

Jessica: Tell me about it.

Rex: When did you find out?

Jessica: I found out, like -- it was all confirmed late last year. But I only found out about you until recently.

Rex: How?

Jessica: Natalie. She misses you, a lot.

Rex: Yeah, I miss her, too. I mean, I was so young when I got yanked from my mom's place in Atlantic City, but I remember natty, some of the stuff we did. This is way too confusing.

Jessica: Look, I went through the same thing. It's hard. I mean, it's like are my brothers still my brothers and who do I call mom?

Rex: That's why you came to Michigan to find me.

Jessica: Yeah. Natalie had remembered your address because she used to write you letters, she said. But she said they always got returned.

Rex: Look, I know I was copping an attitude when you came to my aunt's, but why didn't you tell me?

Jessica: Your aunt didn't think it would be a good idea, and I wasn't so sure, either.

Rex: Why not? I mean, you're my sister.

Jessica: She just didn't want to disrupt your life too much.

Rex: She's way overprotective.

Jessica: She also cares what's best for you.

Rex: By keeping me from my sister? What's good about that? Hey -- what's your name?

Jessica: My name is Jessica.

Rex: Jessica Balsom?

Jessica: No, no. Jessica Buchanan. That's my family, the family that raised me.

Rex: Jessica Buchanan. It's really nice to meet you.

*********************************************

Bo: Niki Smith? What about her?

Ben: I was so worried about you.

Viki: Ben --

Ben: Are you all right?

Viki: Yeah.

Ben: Aside from getting physical, Allison went off on Niki Smith.

Viki: No, you don't understand.

Ben: Yes, I do, yes, I do.

Viki: No. No, you don't.

Ben: Everything is going to be ok, all right?

Viki: No, it's not! It's not!

Bo: Why would Allison bring up Niki Smith?

Viki: Because --

Ben: Because she's a psycho and she wanted to hurt her any way she could, and because of your incompetent guard, she was able to.

Bo: All right, but why Niki Smith?

Viki: No.

Niki's voice: Get lost, Viki! I'm coming back!

Viki: Ow!

Ben: You all right?

Niki: [As Viki] oh! Yes, I'm so sorry. I -- I've -- I felt a headache coming on, but it's gone.

Ben: I'm not surprised you got a headache. Why don't I take you home and we'll take care of it?

Niki: No, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'll just sit here just for a minute. Oh! You're absolutely right that that Allison Perkins is psychotic. Do you know something? Not only did she mention Niki Smith, she accused me of being Niki Smith. How ridiculous was that?

Ben: She's going to use any ammunition she can to hurt you.

Niki: Yes, I know. It makes me all the more thankful that the complete integration of all my personalities was so fabulously successful.

Ben: Amen to that.

Niki: Oh, yes.

Bo: Allison's not going to bother you anymore.

Niki: No, she won't. No, she won't, that dreadful woman. Do you know she -- I mean, she tried to steal my baby? She tried to kill my Jessica!

Bo: Well, she's not going to be able to cause you any more trouble from Statesville.

Ben: She damn well better not.

Niki: Oh, well, now finally, she's where she belongs -- locked up.

Ben: Yeah, and this time, it's not a psych hospital. She's going to be in prison.

Bo: Yeah, for a long, long time.

Niki: And nobody's going to believe a word she says.

*********************************************

Allison: So after surviving the coma and being wrongfully incarcerated in that nut house, I still tried to do what was right. But at great personal risk, I reunited Natalie with Viki, and Jessica with Roxy. Now, do you think they were happy? No. Do you think they gave me any reward? No.

Lindsay: Well, you have a right to feel that way.

Allison: I mean, instead, that Davidson dame -- she uses her newspaper to vilify me and I wind up here.

Lindsay: You know, you try to do the right thing and they make you the bad guy every time.

Allison: You said it.

Lindsay: You know, you think it's tough having the publisher of "the banner" against you? Please. Try having the ex-wife of the police commissioner and the D.A. as an enemy.

Allison: Oh, I'll pass, thanks.

Lindsay: I didn't stand a chance.

Allison: Yeah, it's the haves against the have-nots. Always has been, always will be.

Lindsay: All I did was fall in love with the wrong man.

Allison: Yeah, that doctor. I read about that.

Lindsay: Hmm. Yeah. He pretended like he loved me and he never did. Never loved me. He was always in love with somebody else the whole time.

Allison: Your enemy.

Lindsay: Yeah. Then he turned on me, like Jekyll and Hyde.

Allison: Dave was like that, too.

Lindsay: Who's Dave?

Allison: Oh. Only the kindest, gentlest, most amazing guy on the planet. But like your doctor, he's got another side, too, and that other side thinks he's in love with his wife.

Lindsay: Wife? Ooh, that's trouble.

Allison: Yeah, especially when he doesn't have a clue she's not who she's pretending to be.

*********************************************

Niki: [As Viki] oh. I really just want to forget about all about Allison Perkins.

Ben: Well, I'm with you there. Come on, let me take you home.

Niki: Oh, thank you, thank you.

Hank: Ah, Ben, Viki. How you doing?

Ben: How you doing, hank?

Niki: Hi.

Hank: All right, buddy, we're all set. I just saw the judge.

Bo: Excellent. Viki, you sure you're going to be ok?

Ben: She's going to be fine. I'm with her.

Bo: I'm talking to Viki.

Niki: I'm sure everything's going to be ok.

Bo: All right, but if you need me, you call me.

Ben: She's got me.

Bo: Anytime, day or night. Let's go.

Ben: Can you believe him?

Niki: Is something going on?

Ben: You know what? I'll tell you about it later. I just want to get you home right now. My car is parked downstairs in the parking lot.

Niki: Oh, ok. Oh, I -- I just want to get a little air. Would it be all right if I met you outside?

Ben: Yeah, ok. I'll get the car. I'll meet you out front.

Niki: Thanks.

Ben: See you in a few minutes.

Niki: Sure, thanks.

Niki: [Normal voice] nice try, Victoria. Pretty damn close, too. Too close. But sorry, kid -- no cigar because I'm back. I don't know how you managed to get out, but it doesn't matter because you are never, ever getting out again. Ever. Whew. Huh. You must be busting inside, ain't you? Because everything you did, I made work for me, so see? Niki still wins! I get it all! Ben and Bo are ready to kill each other, and Viki's marriage to Ben is just about finito.

*********************************************

Todd: Ok, then let's just say the marriage is over. What -- what court in the world is ever going to let you take Jack and Starr away from their father?

Blair: What court in the world is ever going to force a mother to have their children visit a convict?

Todd: What's that supposed to mean?

[Bells chime]

[Wedding music plays]

[Fanfare]

Roxy: You lost -- you lost your hat again, babe.

Max: Oh. Oh, yeah. Gee, thanks. But it makes me look like Abe Lincoln. Abe Lincoln in Venice.

Roxy: Ok, we're ready to start.

Max: "Four score and seven years ago, our --"

Roxy: Shh!

Max: What, you told me to start. I was just spilling an adult beverage here.

Roxy: Not you -- him.

Max: Oh. What's he going to start?

Roxy: The ceremony. We're getting married, honey.

Max: Married?

Roxy: Yeah. Do you remember you proposed to me at the craps table? I blew on your dice and I rolled a lucky seven.

Max: Lucky? A lucky -- you know, why do they call it a "lucky seven," you know? You break a mirror, you get seven years of bad luck. Can anyone tell me why?

Juanita: Hmm, huh. I never thought of that.

Max: "Four score and seven years ago --"

Roxy: Ok. All right. That's enough, baby.

Max: You know what's really bad luck? Bad luck is -- is when your own son tells you to drop dead.

Juanita: Oh. You poor man.

Roxy: Oh, honey, don't worry about a thing because your luck is going to turn.

Max: Well, good. It's about high time. Let's get hitched!

Minister: Are you sure you're ready for this, Mr.. Holden?

Max: Oh --

Roxy: Yeah, that's what he wants. He said, "let's get hitched." Isn't that right, baby?

Max: Positively!

Roxy: Ok. See?

Minister: All right, everybody take their places.

Juanita: Oh, just let me fix this, honey. Hold on.

Max: Where's my hat?

Juanita: The other way -- uh-huh.

Max: Oh.

Juanita: It's ok.

Minister: Everybody ready?

Roxy: Yeah.

Max: Ready!

Minister: Ok. Ahem, ahem. Do you, Roxanne Louise Balsom, take Maximilian Wingate Holden to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Roxy: You bet your -- I do.

Minister: And do you, Maximilian Wingate Holden, take Roxanne Louise Balsom to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Max: "Four score and seven years ago --"

Roxy: Just say "I do," baby.

Max: "I do, baby."

Minister: The rings.

Juanita: Ooh.

Max: Oh, thank you.

Roxy: No, no. That -- that goes on me.

Max: Oh. Right. Oh.

Roxy: Me.

Juanita: Good!

Max: That one. Oh, ah! No -- ah -- ah -- ah!

Roxy: Oh, Juanita, you got anything bigger?

Max: Ah!

Roxy: Not today.

Max: Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Roxy: Ok.

Max: Oh!

Juanita: Good girl.

Roxy: Ok.

Minister: Ok? Ok. By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Max: Ooh.

["Wedding March" plays]

Max: All right, ok, turn it off. That's enough.

[Max stops tape]

Roxy: Oh, that was so romantic.

Max: That's not the word I was thinking of.

Minister: Well, it's all very legal and -- oh, and there's no refunds, either.

Juanita: You were a beautiful bride, the prettiest we've had in a long time.

Minister: So, you two planning on having kids? Huh?

[Minister chuckles]

*********************************************

Jessica: I know this is probably a lot to take in.

Rex: Yeah. I mean, I come looking for one sister and I find another.

Jessica: Well, what suddenly made you look for Natalie?

Rex: Out of the blue, Aunt Corinne started talking about family, I guess because you showed up at the door. Anyway, so I went on-line and started searching. It took a while, but I finally found a Natalie Balsom who was a student at Llanview University.

Jessica: Very smart. Nice going.

Rex: So how is she? Do you see her?

Jessica: Oh, yeah. We actually live with my mom -- well, our mom, the mother who raised me.

Rex: This is so freaky.

Jessica: Yeah.

Rex: But I can't wait to see Natalie. The picture I have in my mind is mostly this long, red hair.

Jessica: Yep. She still has that.

Rex: I'd love to spend some time with you, too, get to know my real sister before I have to leave.

Jessica: Well, I mean, why don't you spend a few days with us?

Rex: No, I couldn't do that.

Jessica: Why? Why not?

Rex: I'd be imposing. Do you even have room?

Jessica: Yes! Yes. Trust me, we have room.

Rex: You won't mind having a kid brother?

Jessica: I grew up with two older brothers. I always wanted a younger one.

Rex: All right, all right, but just for a few days, and then I have to leave.

Jessica: Ok. It's a deal?

Rex: Now, you're sure it'll be ok with your mom, your adopted mom?

Jessica: Absolutely. I can't wait for you to meet her.

*********************************************

Niki: [As Viki] so what's going on between you and Bo?

Ben: It's nothing.

Niki: Now, come on. We don't keep secrets from each other.

Ben: Bo seems to think I have a problem with my anger.

Niki: With what?

Ben: Exactly. Obviously, I was furious at Allison Perkins for attacking you in the ladies' room.

Niki: I was furious, too.

Ben: Yeah, well, Bo seems to think that there have been other incidents.

Niki: What is he talking about?

Ben: I don't have a clue. But this isn't coming from him. Someone fed him this.

Niki: Who? Why?

Ben: I don't know. I was hoping you might have an idea.

Niki: No. I mean, I think he must be imagining the whole thing. He's been behaving very strangely recently.

Ben: You've noticed that, too?

Niki: Yes, and you know what I think it is? I think it's that -- that woman, that Gabrielle Medina. I think she's a very bad influence on him.

Ben: It could be. I mean, he's a grown man. What -- you know what? I'm not going to get involved in his relationships, but I'll tell you something -- he better stay the hell out of ours.

*********************************************

Todd: What are you talking -- a convict?

Blair: You broke the law, Todd. You broke many, many laws.

Todd: Are -- are you threatening me?

Blair: I'm just stating a fact.

Todd: You're going to call the cops?

Blair: I don't have to. You told me they already know.

[Doorbell rings]

Blair: Oh, my. I wonder if that is them now.

Todd: You going to answer that door?

Blair: What? You getting nervous, Todd? My, my, what a coincidence. We were just talking about you.

Todd: You set me up.

Hank: Hello, Todd. We have a warrant for your arrest.

Max: I can't believe this is happening.

*********************************************

Roxy: Neither can I. It's a dream come true. Mr. And Mrs.. Max-a-million Holden.

Juanita: Here's your tape. And here's your marriage license.

Roxy: Ah, signed, sealed, and delivered.

Max: This is legal?

Minister:  There's the Nevada state seal right on the bottom.

Roxy: Oh, isn't that pretty?

Max: Pretty depressing.

Minister: Well, what do you say we leave these two newlyweds alone for a while, huh?

Roxy: Hey, bye folks. Great job. So what do you think, honey bunch -- should we have this framed?

Max: We're really married?

Roxy: Till death do us part.

Max: Well, then, there's only one thing to say.

Roxy: And what's that, honey cakes?

Max: I want a divorce.

Lindsay: I hate men.

Allison: You can say that again.

Lindsay: I hate men.

Allison: Oh. It's like I always say -- you can't live with them, period.

Lindsay: Huh. You are right about that.

Allison: Hmm. They break your heart every time.

Lindsay: Tell me. I've been married twice, left at the altar once, and set up once.

Allison: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. But I'm not, though.

Lindsay: Well, I'm not. I mean, I -- I hate men, but -- I mean, I love men. I just hate them. You know what I -- you know what I mean?

Allison: Me, too.

Lindsay: You know what? I'm glad that you're my roommate -- I mean, my cellmate. They were going to put a really heinous woman in here. Her name's Tillie. Awful! She's had it out for me ever since I walked through the doors.

Allison: Tillie, huh?

Lindsay: Yep. Roughed me up more than a couple of times. So I feel lucky that I got you. And you know what? You're not nearly as bad as the newspapers say.

Allison: Hmm. You're not as bad as the newspapers make you out to be, either.

Lindsay: So, they put you in prison after all these years for kidnapping a baby, huh?

Allison: Oh. No, that's not why I'm here. I tried to kill a few people.

*********************************************

Rex: Man, you're not kidding you have room. I mean, this is the biggest house I've ever seen -- well, in person, anyway.

Jessica: That's the same thing Natalie said when she came here.

Rex: I mean, people really live like this?

Jessica: Oh, well, we do.

Niki: Oh.Oh! Alone at last! Man! I don't know how much longer I'm going to put up with this. I mean, I got to have some time to be me! You know, have a little fun, be Niki! All these stupid jerks hanging around here all the time, always pretending to be Viki. It's, like, hard work! It's too hard. Can't even think straight. That's probably how the Vikster popped out. Well, that is not going to happen again. Hey, you -- you hear me? Never going to happen again, you got it? Never, ever, ever, ever going to happen again.

Jessica: Oh! Mom, you're home.

Niki: Great.

Jessica: What?

Niki: [As Viki] I said "hi."

Jessica: Oh.

Niki: Who's your friend?

Jessica: No, this isn't my friend. Mom, this is my brother.

Niki: Oh.

Jessica: Rex Balsom. Rex, this is Viki Davidson.

Rex: It's a real pleasure to meet you.

Niki: Hi.

Rex: You have a beautiful house.

Niki: Thank you.

Jessica: You know, Rex lives in Michigan --

Niki: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So I invited him to stay here for a couple of days.

Niki: Absolutely not.

*********************************************

Todd: This warrant for what? Oh -- "kidnapping." "Fraud." "Reckless endangerment."

Hank: Yeah, well, it took us a while to come up with the charges, Todd. You see, no one in my office ever dealt with anything this sick before.

Todd: Let's just say I did a few of these things -- and I'm not saying that I did. All this happened in Mexico, which, as far as I know, is way out of your jurisdiction.

Hank: Well, so you say. But the kidnapping of Blair's baby --

Todd: My baby. Jack is my baby, too.

Hank: Though the kidnapping took place in Mexico, Jack is a citizen of Llanview, as are you, Todd.

Todd: You know what? Go ahead, arrest me -- come on. My lawyer will have this thing thrown out before it goes to trial. You don't have a case.

Bo: Actually, that's up to Blair. Do you want to press charges against Todd?

*********************************************

>> On the next "One Life to Live" --

Al: Jen, please just give me one minute.

Cristian: I'm your friend.

Natalie: Haven't had very many of those.

Max: You're going to fight me on this, aren't you?

Jessica: Mom, how could you do this? He's my brother.

Hank: Unless you are willing to testify, we don't have a case.

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