GH Transcript Wednesday 12/17/08

General Hospital Transcript Wednesday 12/17/08

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Sonny: So, we're going to unload the shipment at pier five, and --

Max: That's Jason's pier, boss.

Sonny: Yeah, it is, really? I am aware of that.

Claudia: Eight days until Christmas. Do you remember that song? On the eighth day of Christmas

Sonny: No, I don't really pay much attention to that song.

Claudia: Well, I'd sing it for you, but torture's not really my thing. This room looks pretty cheerless.

Sonny: Okay, we're in the middle of talking business. Are you aware of that?

Claudia: Well, I think that a 10-foot tree would fit really nicely in this room. So, where do you want to put it?

Sonny: I don't want a tree this year.

Nadine: Come on in.

Nikolas: So, are you ready to go to the church?

Nadine: Almost. Can you just give me one more minute?

Nikolas: Yeah. Can I help you with anything?

Nadine: Well, I wrote a eulogy, or I wrote half of one and then crossed out most of it, and now I can't find it anywhere.

Nikolas: It's okay. It'll be all right. We'll find it.

Nadine: No, it won’t. I'm so worried I'm going to make a mess of things, and totally disappoint Aunt Raylene.

Nikolas: Hey, it's okay. I'll get you through this. I promise.

Maxie: I couldn't agree with you more, Kate. The silver crystals are cold. Something warmer, I'll work on it. Have you found a job yet?

Johnny: If I had, I'd be working.

Maxie: No offense, but the sooner you move out, the better. I think after what happened last night --

Lulu: What happened last night?

[Luke whistles]

Luke: I'm sorry, but you've got to help me. It's a dire emergency.

Epiphany: I can't wait to hear this.

Luke: You have to admit me as a heart patient.

Robin: Patrick?

Patrick: What? Is Emma okay?

Robin: Do you hear that?

Patrick: Hear what?

Robin: Emma's not crying.

Patrick: Wow, we fed her like four hours ago. She's been sleeping for four or five hours.

Robin: Pretty soon she'll be able to sleep through the entire night.

Patrick: Don't jinx it. Let's just enjoy the moment.

Robin: She's not too quiet, right?

Patrick: We put her on her back all the time. The chance of SIDS is miniscule.

Robin: Okay, yeah, I'm sure she's fine.

Patrick: Is she breathing?

Robin: I can't tell. Yeah, she's fine.

Patrick: Okay, just let her sleep. Come on.

Robin: If Emma starts sleeping four and five hours a day, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

Patrick: I have an idea. Come here, sexy mama.

Robin: You look really cute when you're all tousled.

[Emma crying]

Nadine: It's so hard to write --

Nikolas: Come on.

Nadine: I tried to think of anecdotes that would do Aunt Raylene justice and stories and memories we shared together.

Nikolas: I know. Well, that sounds perfect. That's what you should do.

Nadine: Yeah, until I stood in front of the mirror to try and rehearse it and I couldn't get through the first line without crying.

Nikolas: Listen, Nadine, what little time I spent with Raylene, it was clear to me that she embraced all facets of life, including loss and sorrow. So, I wouldn't be afraid to cry if I were you.

Nadine: Yeah, I just hope I can get through it.

Nikolas: Well, just, I don't know, speak from your heart. Get up there and tell your friends and family exactly what she meant to you.

Nadine: I guess I just, I don't want her to really be gone.

Nikolas: I know.

Nadine: I want her to still be here until I'm the one who's old and gray.

Nikolas: I know, I know. Do you remember when I was grieving over Emily? You reminded me that I should live the way she would want me to and embrace every moment, and that was good advice that you gave me. Now I'm giving it back to you.

Nadine: I know you're right, and my head understands that but my heart is just...

Nikolas: Listen, if you feel yourself starting to break, just look for me, okay? I'll be right there.

Maxie: Nothing happened.

Lulu: That's convincing. Okay, what are you trying to cover up?

Maxie: Lulu, nothing happened. This apartment is just too small for the three of us. That's all. Shouldn't you be at the office?

Lulu: You said you wanted Johnny here.

Maxie: Yeah, when I thought he would be paying a third of the rent. If Kate calls in and gets rolled over to voice-mail, there is going to be hell to pay.

Lulu: I still haven't heard what happened.

Johnny: Maxie and I came through the living room at the same time last night and surprised each other.

Lulu: That's it?

Johnny: Yes, that's it. See you later.

Lulu: Wait, where are you going?

Johnny: I'm going to find a job.

Lulu: Did you not find one this morning?

Johnny: No. There's not much of a job market out there for a guy with just a high school diploma. So, the sooner I get out there, the sooner I can find a job and pay rent in my own place.

Lulu: Okay.

Johnny: Bye.

Lulu: Good luck.

Maxie: Satisfied?

Lulu: I don't think Johnny did anything wrong, but you look guilty as sin.

Luke: But you can't put me in ICU. I need my privacy.

Epiphany: Mr. Spencer, are you having chest pains?

Luke: Oh, no, no, no. The new diet I'm on, junk food, booze, and cigars, it's working miracles. You know, I have rarely felt better. Ironically, my marital status has never been worse.

Epiphany: And how is this my problem?

Luke: My wife is on the hospital board.

Epiphany: And don't we know it. That woman is a non-stop pain in the ass, and she's been even worse lately.

Luke: Yeah, yeah, destructive and combative and spoiling for a fight.

Epiphany: And taking it out on the entire hospital staff. You should have heard that woman screeching when we had to move her charity hospital --

Luke: It's because she's miserable. She misses me. Now, if you help me win her back, peace will reign in your world again and there will be a big cash infusion in mine.

Epiphany: And how do you plan to pull off this miracle?

Luke: It'll take a heart attack, my heart attack.

Claudia: You don't want a Christmas tree? What are you, one of those "bah, humbug" types?

Sonny: You want a tree?

Claudia: Yeah.

Sonny: Put one at your father's house.

Claudia: Oh, great, yeah, that would be good. So I could relive all of the warm, fuzzy moments from my childhood. No thank you.

Sonny: Whatever you want to do, you go ahead and do it.

Claudia: Okay, good, well, I want to ask Max. I think we should get Max's opinion. Max, what do you think? Do you think this room could use a little Christmas cheer? I don't know, maybe some nutcrackers, some poinsettias. You know, I don't know what else says Christmas. Like maybe a tree?

Max: Boss, I'm going to go make those calls you wanted me to make. Excuse me.

Claudia: I'm just really not seeing what the big deal is about making the room look festive.

Sonny: I used to have a tree for my kids, right? We'd decorate the tree, put presents underneath like what family's do, right?

Claudia: We're going to have a few presents, right?

Sonny: Michael is in a coma in the Aftercare Institute, okay? Carly has sole custody of Morgan, won't let me see him. And Alexis, well, I do have the right to see Kristina, but she'll do everything to avoid it.

Claudia: Okay, but if there's some way legally that you can see Kristina, I think it would be great if she came over here. I mean, I would love that.

Sonny: After everything that's happened this past year, including marrying you, I am not going to pressure Alexis.

Claudia: I'm still not seeing what the big deal is.

Sonny: I'm a father. I'm not going to be with my kids for the holidays. I don't need a damn tree to remind me of what's missing in my life.

Claudia: You know, there's this great story, which if you've never read, I'd be happy to get it for you. It's about a guy called the Grinch.

Sonny: I'm not joking, Claudia.

Claudia: And this guy, he had this idea, the Grinch, that he could stop Christmas. And the moral of the story is that he's wrong, because Christmas lives in the hearts and the minds of people everywhere and it's coming, whether you want it to or not.

Sonny: I might go to church, and that's what I'm going to do and it's going to be like any other day.

Claudia: And you really think that that will erase all the memories of the Christmases when your kids were with you?

Sonny: Okay, what are you -- are you going to get me so depressed that I want to kill myself?

Claudia: Well, you know, now that you mention it.

Sonny: Why are you so gung ho about Christmas? You don't want to spend time with your family, right?

Claudia: Well, when I was a kid, one of my first memories of Christmas were with my mother. She loved the holidays. She decorated the entire house, and she made eggnog and fruit bread, the whole thing. When I was five years old, one time there was this ginormous present under the tree, and when I unwrapped it, it was the most exquisite Victorian three-story dollhouse I had ever seen, with a mom and a dad and a brother and a sister. And I used to sit there and play with that thing for hours and hours and make up little stories. You know, about their perfect little life and how happy they all were in their beautiful house.

Sonny: Where's the dollhouse now?

Claudia: Daddy took a hammer to it, smashed it, threw my dolls in the trash. Surprised?

Sonny: That's terrible.

Claudia: Nice job, changing the subject there, by the way.

Sonny: Conversation's over. That's why there's no change in subject.

Claudia: You know, your kids love Christmas, right? So, they would want a tree. They would want you to have a tree.

Sonny: You're not going to let this go?

Claudia: Here's the deal. I happen to love Christmas, and I want a tree and I'm your wife and I live here, too. So, I'm damn well going to get one.

Robin: She looks so happy and content.

Patrick: Yeah, well, screaming for 15 minutes, six ounces of formula, and you can no longer say you're not as good at this as I am.

Robin: Have I become that predictable?

Patrick: She cries and fusses with everyone. You just take it more personal.

Robin: I guess. Anyway, I'm going to make up for it by giving us the best Christmas ever.

Patrick: I am way ahead of you.

Robin: Oh, really?

Patrick: Yes, I already shopped for your present and Emma's present.

Robin: Well, I don't see any boxes anywhere.

Patrick: That's because I don't trust you. So, I'm keeping them at Matt's house.

Robin: Oh, clever. By the way, I have to say, I'm glad that you're getting along with your brother so well.

Patrick: Well, I wouldn't say "so well," but, yes, it's good. You know, we're both working on it.

Robin: Yeah, well, I'm going to hide my presents in Emma's closet. So, no peeking, okay?

Patrick: Mm-hmm.

Robin: And since you don't have any surgeries scheduled today, why don't we go get our tree and the decorations and Emma's stocking? Oh, and then we could go to the pond and watch the skaters and then maybe go to that little cafe by the pond and get some hot chocolate.

Patrick: Let's just wait and see what we have time for.

Robin: Okay.

Patrick: Okay.

Robin: But it's Emma's first Christmas, and I just want to start some really good traditions.

Patrick: Well, I think that's a great idea, but she's not going to remember any of this until she's like three or four. So, let's just relax and enjoy the evening.

Robin: Okay, sounds good to me.

Patrick: Good.

Monica: Oh.

Tracy: Hi, Monica.

Monica: Hello.

Tracy: How are you coming with the needlepoint?

Monica: Moving right along.

Tracy: Should we make it into a pillow when you're done?

Monica: Tracy, you could care less whether it's a pillow or a pot holder. You're fishing for a favor. So, why don't you just get to the point?

Tracy: You know, Daddy and I had you appointed as Chief of Staff. The least you could do is show up for the job instead of needle pointing.

Monica: I was at the hospital all day. Not that it's any of your business.

Tracy: So, I bet cardiology is really hopping, what with all the holiday stress and all.

Monica: We've had our share of cases, yes.

Tracy: Any new patients I should know about?

Monica: What are you getting at, Tracy?

Luke: Ow. Excuse me, Nurse Johnson, your bedside manner could use a little work.

Epiphany: Well, this had better work.

Luke: It will. The only time my precious popsicle has ever expressed unconditional love for me is when I was at death's door. So, we just have to make her believe that's where I am.

Epiphany: You think that woman is worth all this work?

Luke: If you'd have told me, when I first tricked her into marrying me, that I'd be jumping through hoops to stay in this marriage, I would have told you you were a few cards short of a deck. But it turns out that Tracy and I are a perfect match.

Epiphany: You're broke and she's rich.

Luke: Like I said, a perfect match.

Epiphany: Look, I'm only doing this to keep a little peace in this hospital. If you get caught, I never saw you and don't you "Psst" me again.

Luke: Psst. I had to do it. I'm sorry. I had to do it. You can't leave. You've got to calibrate these machines so that I look feeble. Tracy's no fool. You know, if she gets wind of the fact that the details aren't right, she's going to know I'm faking.

Epiphany: You know, there is an easier way to get your wife back.

Luke: What's that?

Epiphany: Tell her you love her and mean it.

Lulu: If I catch you trying to make a move on Johnny again --

Maxie: Don't be ridiculous. The three of us living in this tiny little space, the last thing we need is the drama of a three-way.

Lulu: Oh, and you hate drama.

Maxie: There's no need for sarcasm. I was just trying to be nice.

Lulu: Yeah, and last time you were nice to Johnny you made a fool of yourself. So, do us all a favor and don't try again --

Maxie: Lulu, stop it. Nothing is happening, okay? I am human. Johnny is hot. I ran into him in the living room. I gave him an appreciative glance. That was it.

Lulu: An appreciative glance?

Maxie: Lulu, I'm telling you this as a friend, okay? Nothing drives away a man faster than insecurity.

[Phone rings]

Lulu: Johnny?

Johnny: I got a job.

Lulu: That's great. Where are you working?

Johnny: I'll tell you about it later. I got to go.

Lulu: Okay, I can't wait to hear. Johnny got a job already. I wonder where he's working. I wonder where he's working.

Maxie: Oh, good, you're both dressed and ready. Hi, Emma. I have 1,000 things to do for Kate and "Crimson" today and then 1,000 for myself, but your wedding comes first. We have a cake tasting appointment in 15 minutes. I love the buttercream.

Robin: Oh, well, Maxie, thank you for arranging that, but we can't go.

Maxie: Are you serious?

Robin: Well, yeah, Christmas is a week away. We don't even have our tree yet. And so, you know, tonight's the night.

Maxie: Well, let's get things straight. Your wedding is on December 26th, and Christmas comes once a year, so...

Patrick: We trust you implicitly, Maxie.

Robin: Yes, Patrick is right. I mean, since you did such and excellent job with our first wedding, we trust you. And since we decided that this one's going to be a little bit smaller and more intimate, it takes a little bit of the pressure off of you.

Maxie: I still want everything to be perfect.

Robin: It will be.

Lulu: Dad, what happened? I thought you were doing better.

Luke: Oh, I am, I am.

Lulu: Well, have you been having heart pains and not telling anyone? You can't do that.

Luke: No, no, Lulu. It's okay. I'm fine.

Lulu: You're not fine. You're in the hospital with machines and tubes.

Luke: I'm faking it. It's all an act. I had somebody on staff help me set it up.

Lulu: You're faking a heart problem?

Luke: Yeah, because of Tracy. I want her to take me back.

Lulu: Oh, my gosh. Dad, this is crazy.

Luke: Well, it's just crazy enough to work. Will you help?

Lulu: You want me to lie?

Luke: Yeah, it's for a good cause. You know, I want to get back living with my wife again. And you can come back to the Quartermaines if you want.

Lulu: I will pass on that.

Luke: The apartment working out?

Lulu: Yeah, it's cramped, but so far, so good. It told you, I'm splitting it with Maxie and Johnny's living there. We will have you over for dinner when you get out of the hospital.

Luke: Terrific. That will be great. Okay, here's the scam. I'm going to lay here with my tubes and my monitors, weak as a kitten. You're going to go to Tracy and tell her how scared you are.

Lulu: Yeah, but there's a problem. If you were sick, I would call France and have Mom come home.

Luke: Okay, well, all right, if that comes up, you just say that Mom's in recovery and you didn't want to drag her back here because it might interrupt her recovery.

Lulu: Yeah, that'll work.

Luke: In fact, tell Tracy that she's the only on who can make me live.

Lulu: Why don't you tell her yourself?

Luke: Oh, kids.

Claudia: The 10-foot trees are over there. Are you coming or not?

Milo: I'm right behind you, Mrs. C.

Claudia: Why do you look like you swallowed cod liver oil?

Milo: Mr. C is not happy about this.

Claudia: I know, but I'm happy about it and that's all that matters, okay? So, be a good bodyguard and come along.

Woman: This tree is dying. The needles are falling off.

Johnny: Lady, you just bought it.

Woman: I want it replaced with a good tree.

Johnny: It is good. It was cut down two days ago.

Woman: Don't you be rude to me, young man. Don't you realize the customer is always right?

Claudia: I'm sorry. Are you hard of hearing, lady? He said that the tree was two days old.

Woman: He's lying.

Claudia: My brother doesn't lie.

Woman: Your brother?

Claudia: Yeah, I'm Claudia and this is John Zacchara. Although, I recently married Sonny Corinthos. My husband has a really bad temper, I'm afraid. He doesn't like to hear about people harassing his in-laws.

Woman: My mistake.

Claudia: It sure as hell was. Milo, take this tree to her car for her.

Johnny: That was totally unnecessary, Claudia.

Claudia: What are you doing here?

Johnny: What does it look like? I'm working.

Claudia: It's manual labor, John.

Johnny: And I get paid for it.

Claudia: Why? Why, when I married Sonny so that you would get your inheritance?

Max: Ms. Davis is here to see you.

Sonny: Show her in.

Alexis: What, no Christmas tree?

Sonny: Okay, don't start with me. Is this a personal visit or a professional visit? What kind of visit is it?

Alexis: I'm here as district attorney.

Sonny: Oh.

Alexis: To follow up on the recent outbreak of violence in Port Charles. Andrei Karpov was shot three times, no witnesses.

Sonny: Yeah, I have an alibi.

Alexis: Yeah, I know, your ex-wife, which is actually possible given your propensity to fall into each other's arms at the exact moment you can cause maximum damage.

Sonny: What's the point?

Alexis: The point is Karpov's associates aren't buying your alibi, Sonny. Your father was beaten. His restaurant burned down. Your old office burned down. The Russian warehouse exploded. Three people died.

Sonny: The Russian syndicate are horrible people. You want to arrest them? Be my guest.

Alexis: There's a pattern here.

Sonny: What's that?

Alexis: Violence begets violence. An 18-month-old child was taken, okay? His rescue caused several other people to die. There is something seriously sickeningly wrong here in Port Charles, and it's my job to stop it.

Robin: Okay, I think we need a tree that's at least six-foot.

Patrick: Six-foot is good.

Robin: Okay, now we just have to figure out what kind. I don't like the noble fir ones. Those are the ones I think the branches are too far apart.

Patrick: See, this is where we stay out of the way here, Emma.

Robin: I can't remember the name of the kind that I like. Was it Scotch pine? I don't know. I forget.

Patrick: And one more tip, we let her make the decisions.

Robin: I like a fat tree, you know, a friendly, big, bushy-looking tree. Sometimes the ornaments don't hang straight on one, but that doesn't really matter, right? Hey, what are you telling Emma?

Patrick: Nothing.

Robin: Are you telling her that I have control issues?

Patrick: No, I'm saying that you're very good at making decisions, and that tradition is important for you, and that includes Emma's first Christmas tree.

Robin: You're good. Nice save.

Patrick: Thank you.

Robin: There it is, our Christmas tree.

Johnny: I am working, and I'm proud of it.

Claudia: John, you're one of the smartest people I know, and I love you. But you haven't attended a single year of college. So what are you going to do after the holiday season? Are you going to go into the janitorial industry or the food service industry?

Johnny: I'll figure it out when I get there.

Claudia: Johnny, you were raised in a mansion with everything you ever wanted. You think you're going to be happy like this?

Johnny: Working here is a hell of a lot better than watching you sell yourself to Sonny Corinthos.

Claudia: Don't get ugly.

Johnny: Claudia, this is ugly. You are with a man who hates you, who will kill you if he finds out that you got his son shot.

Claudia: I'm working Sonny. I am. I'm getting him to trust me. He's already halfway there, Johnny. We're talking. We're spending time together. He even cooked for me.

Johnny: You are living in a dream.

Claudia: Have a little bit of faith. I know how to play this.

Johnny: Okay, so what if you do, huh? Do you know what you want to gain through it? Do you have any idea what you're doing or why?

Claudia: Yes, Sonny's going to make the business stronger, and I'm going to be right by his side.

Johnny: Well, good, I'm happy for you. I hope you're happy.

Claudia: I'm doing this for you, John. When the time comes, we will get rid of Sonny, and you'll take over. You will take your rightful place.

Johnny: Claudia, you're just not getting this. I'm done with this family, with this life. Now, I love you, you are my sister, but what you do, you do for yourself.

Luke: Look, daughter, I know that faking a massive coronary might seem like extreme measures.

Lulu: You think?

Luke: Well, you know, ever since Tracy’s threatened to divorce me, I've been begging her on hand and knee to take me back.

Lulu: Well, a little begging might be good for you.

Luke: No, it isn't good for me. It isn't good for any man. You need to be respected by your life's partner. She's just been putting me down too long. It stops right here in this hospital bed.

Lulu: You know what? I kind of get why Tracy is so upset.

Luke: Well, I don't get it. I love her. I want to be married to her. What more does she want?

Lulu: To come first. If you can't say it to her and mean it, I get why she wants to leave. It's got to be awful coming second to someone else.

Luke: She doesn't come second.

Lulu: Then what is she? You got to be honest with yourself, Dad. You owe that to Tracy.

Tracy: They tell me you've had a massive heart attack.

Alexis: Long ago, before you and I made that critical error in judgment to become personally involved when I was your attorney --

Sonny: Right.

Alexis: Do you remember?

Sonny: Yes, yes.

Alexis: That hypocritical arrangement that we had that I would only participate if it wasn't blatantly illegal, nor would I defend anyone who willfully committed an act of violence.

Sonny: Well, yeah, you knew what was going on and kind of looked the other way.

Alexis: Because there were extenuating circumstances. You were the extenuating circumstance, because I believed in you.

Sonny: Well, I never pretended to be a good person, but I do have a code.

Alexis: Oh, God, the code. Yes, I know all about your code, because I made all kinds of excuses based on that code. And I fell into the trap of rationalizing that you were a good mobster. And by ignoring the truth that a mobster by definition is a threat to an orderly and peaceful society, I have contributed to escalating the violence in this town, which has now reached biblical proportions. And at any moment, I expect a plague of locusts to descend upon us.

Sonny: Well, you know that wouldn't be good for you, because you hate bugs.

Alexis: Don't -- do not, no, do not be charming, because it is not going to change the fact that you are wrong. And that became clear the minute you married Claudia Zacchara.

Nikolas: That was a very moving eulogy you gave.

Nadine: Thanks for being here, Nikolas. I couldn't have gotten through that without you.

Vance: I'm proud of you, Nadine. And Raylene's looking down in heaven just as proud.

Nadine: Thanks, Uncle Vance.

Attorney: I hate to intrude, but Raylene was adamant about you hearing her wishes as soon as possible.

Nadine: Oh, you mean the reading of the will?

Attorney: It's actually on DVD.

Vance: Well, the TV is right over here. Just plug it right on in, and we'll watch.

Nadine: I don't expect this to take very long. She didn't have much besides this farm and a few pieces of china.

Attorney: Well, I'll just let Raylene tell you more.

Raylene: Hey, there, Vance, Bo, and Nadine. If you're watching this, it's safe to say that I've passed on to another life. I want you to know that I loved you all. I don't regret a minute of the life I led, and I hope none of you do either. Now, before I go any further, I want you all to prepare yourselves, especially you, Nadine. There's a lot about your Aunt Raylene that you don't know.

Robin: Okay, you got it?

Patrick: I thought we agreed to a six-foot tree. This isn't a six-foot tree.

Robin: That is. It's about six feet. Okay, keep going. I think you should put it over by the window. That's good. A little bit to the left. No, left. No, a little bit more to the right, back to the center.

Patrick: Okay, you better be careful. Emma's going to think you're a control freak.

Robin: Okay, now turn it around. The bushy side has to be over here.

Patrick: They're all bushy sides.

Robin: Just turn it around just a little bit. Good, right there. Now, that is a beautiful tree.

Patrick: Yes, gorgeous and heavy.

Robin: Christmas is eight days away, and this is already my favorite Christmas ever.

Patrick: I agree, but the best present isn't coming on Christmas.

Robin: Wait until you see what I got you.

Patrick: Well, it can't compare to the 26th when I marry the woman that I love.

Tracy: When you collapsed at the Haunted Star last night, perhaps I made a mistake leaving you there?

Luke: This isn't a game, Tracy. I don't want to lose you.

Tracy: Luke, I'm sick to death of the emotional rollercoaster.

Luke: I know how much I've hurt you. I'm sorry. I want it all to stop.

Tracy: And what? We go back to our rose-colored denial until Laura shows up?

Luke: I love you. I miss you. I miss us. What is it going to take to convince you that I mean what I say?

Tracy: Well, drinking yourself into an oblivion is a little more convincing than I need.

Luke: Well, that's what desperation does to you.

Tracy: Yeah, but Luke, you promised me you would take care of yourself. And you dove right back into your bad habits.

Luke: Well, you dove back into yours. Haranguing me, berating me, putting me down all the time.

Tracy: I do it because I --

Monica: Tracy, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside, please.

Tracy: Why?

Monica: Because I asked you to.

Monica: I just got your test results back, and your condition is dire.

Sonny: I sent Kristina some Christmas gifts. I don't know if she got them.

Alexis: Don't change the subject.

Sonny: No, I'm just saying, it's the holidays. I can't talk about --

Alexis: Yes, she got the gifts.

Sonny: She got the gifts?

Alexis: She loves the gifts.

Sonny: All right, that's good.

Alexis: All right, well thanks for the gifts. You're not coming over for Christmas, because you have created a climate that is way too dangerous.

Sonny: Okay, I will wait until things calm down.

Alexis: And when exactly do you think that will be now that you've chosen to marry into a family that's a leading crime syndicate?

Sonny: I did not think you would approve.

Alexis: The only possible reason that you would marry such a horrible woman is to form an alliance with the Zaccharas. I'm not even going to get into the archaic practice of using a woman to cement a business alliance.

Sonny: You want to lecture Zacchara, go ahead, you feel free.

Alexis: No, it's my job to deal with the head of the family, which is now you, right?

Sonny: I'm just supervising their interests.

Alexis: What on earth would make you do something this dangerous?

Sonny: Because I wanted to get back into my organization and that didn't happen. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Alexis: No, I don’t.

Sonny: This gives me a base of my own.

Alexis: I don't care. They don't even pretend to have scruples or ethics. They play dirty, and now you're their godfather. Congratulations, you are officially a bad mobster.

Sonny: I'm a bad guy. I had to do what I had to do.

Alexis: And see, so do I. No more excuses. I can't do it. No more alibis. Not going to happen. You screw up, I'm going to have to prosecute you to the full extent of the law. Be careful, because this time you're going to be the one who has to take the fall.

Raylene: First of all, I'm sure you're all wondering what'll happen to the farm. Bo and Nadine, I'm dividing it equally between the two of you. It'll be up to you to decide whether to sell it or keep working it. Vance, I don't want you to think I've forgotten you. I have so many wonderful memories of our childhood years. Heck, you were the one who taught me how to swim. Remember that summer day at the creek when you told those older boys, in no uncertain terms, to stop making fun of your little sister?

Vance: Right before you threw a couple punches at them.

Raylene: You were a wonderful brother. And I'm leaving you $2 million.

Nadine: She didn't have that kind of money.

Raylene: I'm leaving Bo another $1 million. And since he's your son, I'm sure some day in the far off future, he'll be inheriting your money, too. Nadine, honey, I'm leaving $3 million in trust for the care of your sister Jolene. I hope and pray that some day she will wake up, but either way, her care will be taken care of and not be a burden on you. I'm also leaving you an envelope.

Nikolas: Wait, stop this. This is absurd. The rest of the family gets millions of dollars, and Nadine gets an envelope?

Claudia: Watch out for the lamp.

Sonny: So, you didn't listen to me, I guess? Obviously.

Claudia: Yeah, what can I say? I'm a pushy broad.

Milo: Sorry, boss.

Sonny: No, it's not your fault, Milo. It's her fault. Whoa.

Claudia: Maybe just in the corner over there, yeah? That's good, Milo. That's perfect.

Sonny: Listen, I don't want anything to do with that tree. I don't want stringing things on it. I don't want any ornaments hanging off it. I don't want to do anything with it.

Claudia: Okay, well, that's not a problem, because I'm going to do everything myself. And the tree is going to have gold, and it's going to have tinsel, and it's going to have lights, and it's going to be really, really beautiful. And you're going to really like it. I have a prediction to make. By the time Christmas comes, that tree right there, the sight of it, is going to actually make you feel better.

Sonny: Don't bet on it.

Claudia: Oh, Sonny, come on. You have to admit -- come on, admit that it makes the room look festive.

Sonny: Yeah, the tree's all right. Looks kind of tall and stuff. It's nice. It's nice.

Lulu: Sorry I'm late.

Maxie: You need to get better at checking your messages. What if I had been Kate?

Lulu: First of all, Kate is still in Manhattan. Second of all, I have things going on in my life other than work. My dad is in the hospital, and I had to go visit him.

Maxie: Oh, my God, is he okay?

Lulu: Yeah, he's fine. He's faking a coronary.

Maxie: Oh.

Lulu: What do you need?

Maxie: Well, I tried to tell you earlier, but you were sidetracked over your paranoia over Johnny.

Lulu: If you don't want to get sidetracked, stick to the point and stay out of my personal life.

Maxie: Fine, the decorator put a tree in Kate’s house, and she hates it, so we need to buy another one, decorate it, and have it waiting for her by the time she gets back from the city.

Lulu: Okay, well, then while we're here, should we get a tree for our place?

Maxie: Don't you think that's like a little too sisterly. Then we'd have to decorate it and put presents under the tree for each other.

Lulu: Yeah, that would be really weird actually.

Maxie: On the other hand, it is our new home, and I kind of like presents.

Lulu: Let's just find Kate’s first, okay? How about that one?

Maxie: It's lopsided.

Lulu: Fine, then that one.

Maxie: What is this? Throw a dart and pick a tree?

Lulu: I want to pick something so I can talk to Johnny and hear about his new job.

Maxie: Well, goody for you and Johnny, but Kate’s picky, so we're not going to rush.

Lulu: Well, if we're going to have to look through every single tree, let's get started now.

Maxie: That's his new job?

Monica: There is no time to waste. Get an O.R. ready immediately. Call Dr. Laurence. I want him to scrub in, because I'm going to perform surgery immediately.

Luke: Surgery?

Monica: Yes, you need a quadruple bypass, Luke.

Luke: No, no.

Monica: The test results are clear. Your cardiac enzymes are off the chart, indicating cardiac ischemia. You could arrest at any moment.

Luke: What the --

Tracy: Monica, how bad is it?

Luke: Come in here.

Monica: I'm sorry. There really isn't time for good-byes at the moment.

Luke: Good-byes? What are you talking about? Good-byes?

Monica: Sedate him right now. I want him in a twilight sleep when we get him to O.R.

Luke: Oh, my God.

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