GH Transcript Wednesday 12/5/07

General Hospital Transcript Wednesday 12/5/07

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Proofread by Kathy

Patrick: It seems Dr. Scorpio, in her infinite wisdom, convinced Mr. Caldwell to put off his surgery again. Can you page her, please?

Epiphany: Dr. Scorpio just signed out.

Leo: I'm looking for Kelly.

Epiphany: She's gone, too.

Leo: That's weird. From what she said earlier, I was under the impression she'd be sticking around.

Epiphany: What do you want me to tell you?

Leo: Maybe Lainey knows where she's at.

Epiphany: She is also gone. Now, before you ask, so are Nurses Webber, Crowell, and Mir.

Patrick: What the hell's going on around here?

[Music plays]

Robin: Oh, my God.

[Cheers]

Lainey: There's a phenomenon known as collective hallucination. It's rare, but it's been known to happen.

Elizabeth: Okay, let's walk out and come back in again.

Kelly: I've said it before -- it's the quiet ones you have to watch.

Nadine: Oh, thank God -- reinforcements.

Robin: What the hell is going on?

Nadine: I don't know. I tried to talk her out of it, but she's been knocking back vodka all day.

Man: 50 bucks, take it off!

Lainey: That's it; we have to get her down now.

Nadine: I tried. She just keeps swatting me away.

Lainey: Leyla, Leyla --

Leyla: Oh, Dr. Scorpio! Come join me. We share so much, it's only right.

Lainey: Ley—

Lulu: Hey, what's up?

Spinelli: Oh, the Jackal is just fighting the aftereffects of a particularly nasty cold, and doing some research for Stone Cold -- perhaps "cold" should be my password for the day.

[Lulu chuckles]

Spinelli: When symmetry calls, it's always best to answer.

Lulu: Speaking of Jason -- um -- I heard he and Sonny are still having problems with the Zaccharas.

Spinelli: Yes, the situation is ongoing and potentially lethal.

Lulu: Right, and Johnny's caught in the middle of it. They wouldn't actually target him, would they?

Johnny: I want all of my father's assets transferred into my name by the end of the week. In the meantime, you can familiarize me with all aspects of the organization so I can start making some changes.

Trevor: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't rush, don't act in haste. Your father's holdings are vast and complex. It's better to get your feet wet, rather than dive in headfirst willy-nilly.

Johnny: You seem to be unclear on the concept -- I'm running things now my way. Your job is to do what you're told.

Trevor: No, no, no, John. I got it real clear, so get this -- my job is to make sure that you do exactly what needs to be done. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Lucky: You know, if I'm going to take on the role of Jake and Cameron’s father, I guess it's my responsibility to keep them safe. That means there's no room for you, so you need to keep your distance.

Jason: You don't have to tell me how I need to be.

Lucky: You know, you kind of been presenting yourself as a man of honor, so I want you to stand there, look me in the eye, and tell me you're going to stay away from Jake -- for good.

Jerry: Oh. Thank you so much for coming. I wasn't sure I'd be able to nab you on such short notice.

Alexis: I assume this is about the suspiciously large bank transfer that you mentioned. I want you to know that I found a legal way for you to accept it.

Jerry: Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. Obviously, I didn't make myself clear. I didn't ask to see you as my attorney.

Alexis: What other possible reason?

Jerry: Well, I want to take you out to dinner to celebrate the fact that we're both still alive and well.

Alexis: Apparently, you didn't hear me the first time that I told you that I have no plans on having any kind of personal involvement with you on any level.

Jerry: Oh, yes, yes, I do remember that conversation very well, but that was before I saved your life.

Alexis: Huh.

[Music plays]

[Cheers]

Leyla: What's the matter, Robin? You not up for the challenge? Well, then run along, then, and tell Dr. Drake I said hi.

Man: Oh, yeah!

Leyla: Where's my drink?

Robin: No, no, no -- give it --

Leyla: Oh, yeah!

Robin: Just get out of here. Leyla --

Leyla: Hmm?

Robin: Why don't you come down and we can talk about it?

Leyla: I don't want to talk, Leyla wants to dance.

Elizabeth: Hey, Leyla, if you come down from there, we'll buy you another drink.

Robin: Yeah, yeah.

Leyla: Another drink?

Elizabeth: Yeah!

Coleman: But she's just getting her grove on.

Elizabeth: Stop.

Coleman: Hey, give them one more, Leyla, come on!

Lainey: I don't think you want to egg her on. If something happens to her, guess who will be responsible.

Kelly: Come on, Leyla, come on! Give it a rest!

Leyla: Why not? Take it. I'll have a drink with my mates -- we might bond or something.

Robin: Okay, great, great --

Leyla: Oh!

Robin: All right, easy. You got her. Okay.

Man: Whoo!

Kelly: Do not turn your back. I hear she knows tae kwon do.

Leyla: How much for a bottle of -- whatever?

Coleman: Well, the girls usually drink tequila.

Leyla: Okay. All right, then tequila it is.

Coleman: Tequila? Tequila.

Nadine: I -- why don't we stick with vodka?

Leyla: Oh, vodka, schmodka. I'm one of the girls tonight.

Elizabeth: How about a glass of water?

Nadine: Right.

Leyla: Boring!

Lainey: Have you tried the curly fries?

Kelly: Oh, unbelievable.

Robin: They're good.

Leyla: Come on, guys, don't harden my groove thing.

Robin: Leyla, look at me. Just try to focus for a second, okay? If you don't stop drinking now, you're going to hate yourself in the morning.

Leyla: Morning be damned. I am sick and tired of living for tomorrow. Yeah, all that careful planning, and for what? You know I still sleep with the wrong guy and get dumped, and then shot for my trouble. Nothing else to lose.

Spinelli: The Jackal is the guardian of many secrets, grand and small, and part of my worth is my ability to keep them. And a note of caution I shouldn't need to make -- it is unwise to question the practices and procedures of Stone Cold and Mr. Corinthos, Sir.

Lulu: I get that, absolutely. I -- I was just curious because I think it's an interesting dilemma that Sonny and Jason have.

Spinelli: How so?

Lulu: Well, Johnny's being pulled into his father's business through no fault of his own, and the point I'm trying to make is that Johnny's landed squarely into the position of enemy to Sonny and Jason.

Spinelli: Um, why does this matter to you?

Lulu: Johnny put his life on the line to save me and everyone else from his father at the ball. Uh -- but -- but no. Hey -- hey, if Sonny and Jason want to go after him anyway, that's part of the mob business, right? I mean, it's all about threats and -- and territory, and someone like Johnny who has grown up in all of that obviously knows the risks. So if he wants to take over Anthony’s business and he dies in the process, what's another dead mobster? Who even cares?

Spinelli: The Blond One seems to.

Johnny: I'm not going to spend one minute of my life the way my father did -- as a front so you can continue to run things without showing your pathetic face.

Trevor: No, you need to show some respect and cut the hostility. Look, Johnny, my interests are the same as yours. One day you're going to hold the reins of this organization. All I want is to be the lawyer.

Johnny: Great -- you just got your wish.

Trevor: You're not ready for this yet. Yesterday, you threw your hands up, turned your back, wanted to walk away, right? Well, there is no learning curve on this job. You screw up, you are going to die, and so will a lot of other people, including me. Huh. Look, all you got to know is that I'm personally invested in your success. You be nice, I am going to teach you how to run this organization, and that is the end goal.

Johnny: Yeah, or die trying? I'm beginning to wonder who I have to fear the most -- my father's enemies or his friends?

Jason: Why do you think I never claimed Jake as my own? It was for his protection.

Lucky: Then you shouldn't have any problem telling me what I need to hear.

Jason: All I want is what's best for my son -- that's why I'm willing to walk away. But if anything changes, if you go back on drugs, you start acting reckless again, I will take Jake right out of your arms. Are we clear on that? I'll stay away.

[Knock on door]

Det. Harper: Mr. Morgan, do you have a minute?

Jason: Ahem.

Det. Harper: Detective Spencer, I didn't realize you were working the -- the Emily Quartermaine case.

Lucky: No, I'm not here on police business.

Det. Harper: Oh. Well, stay or go, it's up to you, but I need to question Mr. Morgan about his sister's murder. We have some new information that suggests you were wrong about how it occurred -- or you deliberately lied.

Leo: Your patient needs an angiogram. I can schedule it for next week if you think the nerves around his femoral artery won't cause a problem? Dr. Drake?

Patrick: What? What'd you say?

Leo: Angiogram -- next week if it works?

Patrick: Yeah, that's fine.

Leo: What's got you so ticked? What is it, the Caldwell case?

Patrick: Try the tongue-lashing I took from Dr. Ford about my so-called Romeo act with Robin and Leyla. He made me sound like some pompous jerk who took advantage of them. He didn't stop there; he went on to question my future at the hospital. Nice, right?

Leo: Far be it for me to criticize.

Patrick: You want to take a shot, too, Julian?

Leo: No, look, I'm just saying, you know? You're dating two women almost simultaneously, who not only work with you but with each other? I mean, that's a -- that's a disaster waiting to happen if you ask me.

Patrick: Yeah, well, nobody seems to realize that disaster is falling out on me, too.

Leo: Look, in any event, there's not much you can do at this point but ride it out, all right? So don't let Ford get to you -- you know how much he loves the sound of his own pompous voice. And as far as Robin and Leyla go, just keep your distance. Things will settle, all right?

Patrick: Yeah, well, not soon enough. You know what? I'm no good here. You want to go to Jake's, get a beer or something? I got to get out of here.

Leo: Okay.

Kelly: Uh -- Leyla, have you ever heard the saying "mixing liquor gets you sicker"?

Leyla: Have you ever heard the saying "none of your business"?

Lainey: Ooh.

Kelly: Okay, did she just --

Lainey: Mm-hmm.

Robin: Leyla, you know, this is really between you and me, so why don't we just get it right out on the table?

Leyla: Or the pool table.

Robin: Patrick and I are history -- painful, but true -- and neither one of us has a claim to each other. So if you want to be with him, you know what? Go for it. Please, do not let me stop you.

Leyla: You're not stopping me. Patrick's just -- check that -- Patrick was a wrong decision in an otherwise perfectly mapped-out, planned road. So I'm just going to dance my way back to the fork and head back where I came from.

Nadine: Okay, you know what? Maybe it's time to call it a night instead.

Leyla: What?

Lainey: There's an idea whose time has come. It's okay, Leyla, party's over.

Leyla: No, I -- I still want to go dancing.

Lainey: I'll be right back, you guys.

Nadine: Okay, we're going to dance in the parking lot.

Lainey: Come on.

Nadine: Yeah.

Lainey: Yeah.

Leyla: Bye!

Elizabeth: Bye, Leyla.

Kelly: Bye-bye.

Elizabeth: Well, at least you made a noble effort. Are you okay?

[Robin sighs]

Kelly: I hope you're not blaming yourself for Leyla getting hammered. It happens to the best of us -- for whatever reason.

Robin: I was just thinking that Leyla and I aren't that different. We're both cutting ourselves off from love.

Elizabeth: That's not true. You want a baby.

Robin: I want a life. The question is, am I giving up too much to get it?

Alexis: According to you, you save my life every day. So why should I feel particularly indebted to you this time?

Jerry: Well, you know, I don't really expect you to be, but a little gratitude would be appreciated, but I -- I guess it wouldn't fit your pattern, would it?

Alexis: "My pattern"?

Jerry: Oh, come on, you consistently find ways to discount my rather heroic efforts on your behalf -- I'll give you an example.

Alexis: Hmm.

Jerry: You insist on saying that you nearly fainted that day on the wildflower patch at Wyndemere, even though your daughter Kristina was there as a witness.

Alexis: She's 6.

Jerry: Oh, come on, you passed out cold.

Alexis: I was momentarily lightheaded.

Jerry: "Lightheaded"? I had to carry you away.

Alexis: Well, I never asked you to.

Jerry: You were unconscious. You also neglected to express any thanks on my attempt at getting Trevor Lansing out of town and away from your family, but it doesn't matter. This time there's no room for argument. I mean, there's a raging storm, there's not one, but two insane killers running around the halls of Wyndemere, and one extremely inflamed appendix. And had it not been for me, your proverbial goose would've been cooked, as you Yanks say.

Alexis: Hmm. You know, technically, I could argue that it was your brother that saved me.

Jerry: Oh, come on, Jax could never have done the crossing without me.

Alexis: That's quite a hero complex you're lugging around there.

Jerry: And matched only by your persecution complex, which makes us perfect dinner companions. You see? You see? You like me. Why are you trying to be so contrary?

Alexis: Oh, I'm not trying. I am contrary when it comes to you, because I -- I told you, and I -- I will tell you again, so you need to retain the fact. I don't play with fire -- been there, done that. Go burn someone else.

Jerry: Uh-huh. Too bad.

Alexis: Not really.

Lulu: You think that I have feelings for Johnny.

Spinelli: Well, sadly, it would appear to be so.

Lulu: I feel sorry for him -- sort of. I -- I guess that I identified with him for a moment, until I realized that Johnny is exactly where he wants to be. I mean, Johnny was his father's captor once upon a time, but now those days are long gone -- he actually wants to be a mobster. He made that choice, so let him. And -- and I -- I hope he's happy. And if he dies -- well, sucks to be him.

Spinelli: Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Lulu: What is that supposed to mean?

Spinelli: Uh -- just a random quote from the bard.

Lulu: Huh -- the Jackal never does anything randomly.

[Lulu gasps]

Lulu: Oh, well, look who's here.

Spinelli: Now it is the autumn of my discontent.

Lulu: I am so happy to see you.

Logan: Really?

Lulu: Yeah. Hey, why don't you join us and tell us about your day?

Spinelli: Huh -- I don't need to be here for this.

[Spinelli groans

Logan: What was that about?

Lulu: Shakespeare.

Det. Harper: PCPD received an untraceable text message piggybacked over the mayor's cell phone. It said, "Anthony didn't do it." Now, except for Nikolas Cassadine, whose memory is inconclusive, you were the first one to enter the ballroom after Emily’s death. Now, my question, should you choose to answer it -- do you have any reason to believe anyone other than Anthony Zacchara killed your sister?

Nadine: I would've taken Leyla home, but she refused to let me in the taxi.

Lainey: Oh.

Elizabeth: You've been awfully quiet.

Kelly: Oh, she's feeling guilty.

Nadine: I'm out of the loop. Why guilty?

Robin: Well, Leyla is even more straight and narrow than I am. What she did tonight was completely out of character.

Nadine: And how is that your fault?

Robin: Well, when Patrick and I broke up, I pretty much blamed Leyla for it. I -- I told her that she took him away from me, but that's not true at all. Patrick and I grew apart all on our own. Leyla was just a casualty of our train wreck.

Kelly: Patrick is a jerk -- but he's awfully hunky.

[Laughter]

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Robin: True, he may be hunky, but he is so annoying!

Lainey: Oh -- remember the first girls' night out?

Kelly and Elizabeth: Aw.

Kelly: My first bonding experience with you guys. Do you remember how wasted Emily got?

Elizabeth: And you guys got your first exposure to her potty mouth?

Lainey: I was shocked. Can I tell you, I was shocked, because I thought that Emily was this nice, reserved little med student who wouldn't dream of drinking or swearing. Yeah -- wrong.

Kelly: Oh, no!

[Laughter]

Kelly: I mean, not only did Emily lick, slam, and suck with the rest of us, but she taught us a few things about letting our hair down.

Robin: It's hard to believe that we'll never hear her laugh again.

Elizabeth: I really miss her.

Lainey: Oh -- toast.

All: Oh, yeah.

Robin: Okay --

Kelly: Okay -- thank you.

Robin: To Emily.

All: To Emily.

Logan: So, how you holding up?

Lulu: I'm trying not to make waves for once. Between Nikolas grieving over Emily and my dad's heart condition and Lucky's messy divorce, I am resolved to be the sister and daughter who does not cause any more problems.

Logan: Well, that's a pretty selfless attitude, as long as it's not based on guilt.

Lulu: Meaning?

Logan: Lulu, you were pretty torn up, you know, at Emily’s funeral. I hope these past couple of days you've had off have given you time to realize that what happened at Wyndemere -- it had nothing to do with you -- that was on Johnny.

Lulu: Well, you don't have to worry. I'm supporting my family because I want to.

Logan: Yes, well, you need support, too, and that's where I come in. Come here.

Scott: Ahem. Hey -- sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your kissing. I want to talk to you -- about your future.

Jerry: Oh -- oh, I'm so sorry.

Leyla: So sorry.

Jerry: Are you all right?

Leyla: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little tipsy, that's all.

Jerry: Oh. Oh, well, I can escort you inside if you like.

Leyla: Am I in London?

Jerry: I beg your pardon?

Leyla: Am I in London -- you sound normal.

Jerry: No, no, no, I'm not normal. This is Port Charles, New York, and this is 2007 -- hello?

Leyla: I know what year it is, you silly bloke.

[Jerry chuckles]

Leyla: So I landed at the Metro Court, then?

Jerry: Are you not a guest?

Leyla: No, I was on my way home, and -- and the cab decides to stop at a light, so I get out and -- oh, shoot! I forgot to pay the driver. Does that make me a criminal?

Jerry: Oh, no need to worry about that, darling. I have a high tolerance for criminals.

[Leyla snickers]

Jerry: Whoops.

Johnny: I'm impressed.

Jason: Remember it. I walked through your security like it didn't exist. Sonny said you two had an unsuccessful meeting.

Johnny: No, Sonny came into my house and offered to buy me off. I'm telling you like I told him -- I'm running my father's business now. I'm not taking orders from Sonny or anybody else. But you already knew that, so what's this about, huh? You here to kill me?

)))))))))))))))**.

Scott: So your buddy, Coop -- he just graduated from the police department. Mac is very impressed and he's looking for other war vets.

Logan: You want me to become a cop?

Scott: There's nothing wrong with putting on a white hat.

Lulu: How would you know?

Scott: Well, okay, my hat's been a little gray, but my father, Lee, your grandfather -- he's a pillar in this community. He's done a lot of great things, and it would be living up to his legacy to be a cop. I'm just putting you on the fast track.

Logan: Pardon the paranoia, Dad, but, um, where's this coming from -- a father wanting to help his son? Or is this some maneuver to put you in perfect position to blow Lansing out of the water, huh?

Scott: Oh, that's not it at all, you know? It's just that you're not working for Corinthos anymore, and I thought maybe, you know, you might want a new job, that's all. I'm just trying to help.

Logan: Help -- by suggesting I become a -- a cop?

[Logan laughs]

Scott: Logan, the opportunity is there, I mean, it's knocking at the door. Whether you open the door or not, that's up to you. I just think it's a good idea, that’s all. Hey, Lulu. Convince him that other than your sainted mother, most women try to steer clear of gangsters. Goodbye.

Leyla: Do I look like I dance for a living?

Jerry: Ooh, that sounds like a loaded question. Let's see -- let's see if I can avoid the obvious pitfall. Um -- if dancing was your profession --

Leyla: Yeah?

Jerry: Your tip jar, so to speak, would always be full, darling.

Leyla: Ah. I believe you just paid me a compliment, Mr. Jacks.

Jerry: Yes, yes, I did. You're a very beautiful woman. How on earth did you escape my attention? My God.

Leyla: I keep a very low profile -- low pro-Leyla. Do you believe in love?

Jerry: I believe it's alive and well somewhere, yes.

Leyla: Yeah -- or dead and buried, depending on your perspective.

Jerry: And -- and what's yours?

Leyla: No love for this girl. No, barely got out with my heart intact.

Jerry: Ah, I see -- a relationship refugee.

Leyla: Who has time anyway? Busy girl. Got goals to achieve, you know, things to do, and I will -- soon as I get over him.

Nadine: Uh -- lick, slam, suck, right?

Kelly: You got it.

Lainey: Yes, yes.

Nadine: Okay, here goes.

Kelly: Ooh --

[Cheers]

Kelly: Whoo!

Nadine: Ugh.

Robin: Yeah!

Kelly: She's a keeper.

Robin: Kin. Okay, now that you know our secret handshake, I'll also let you in on another ritual that we do here. It is very important -- no, mandatory -- that you lament your problems and you feel as sorry for yourself as you want to.

Nadine: Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea -- I got a lot of problems. Uh -- no, no, nothing like my sister.

Kelly: Oh, good -- made me nervous.

Elizabeth: Well, then you might as well take the plunge.

Kelly: Yeah, spill.

Nadine: Uh -- maybe with a little more fortification.

Lainey: See, once you realize this is a safe place, it gets very easy to bare your soul. I had reservations at first, but -- well, you know, let me go first. I'll show you.

Nadine: Okay.

[Laughter]

Lainey: So, a flipped-out army vet is sitting in jail right now, about to go on trial for unplugging my father's life support, and me -- I want to save him.

Nadine: You want to save the guy who killed your father?

Lainey: Well, it's very complicated. My father was a prisoner in his own body, and releasing him was a blessing and what he wanted. But I didn't have the guts to do it, which is why I feel obligated to save Cody. And please don't get me wrong, because I am not interested in an emotional involvement.

Nadine: Okay.

Kelly, Robin and Elizabeth: Famous last words

[Laughter]

Lainey: Drink.

[All squirm]

Lainey: Oh, man --

[Laughter]

Kelly: I -- ahem -- I am a sex addict who had a mortifying breakdown -- in my underwear, in the middle of the hub.

Elizabeth: Seriously, stop.

Kelly: Yes, this charming little episode got me into recovery.

Lainey: Nice.

Kelly: Five weeks so far, and to my amazement and horror, I'm actually starting to like a guy for more than what he can do for me in bed. But am I even close to being ready for a relationship? Ladies –

Elizabeth, Lainey and Robin: No!

[Laughter]

Kelly: You got mine.

Lainey: Oh --

Kelly: Oh, I'm taking this one.

Lainey: All right, drink it.

Elizabeth: Oh --

Nadine: So, what about you?

Elizabeth: Me? Oh, God. Well -- um -- my -- right now, my life is nothing but loss. I mean, first, my -- my marriage that I honestly believed would last forever. And then in the same week, I lost my best friend and the man I love.

Jason: If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead.

Johnny: That's debatable, but I'll let it go.

Jason: You know what? When your father was terrorizing everybody on Spoon Island, you actually stepped up and you did the right thing -- I respect that.

Johnny: Yeah, so why are you here?

Jason: Because it would be a waste for you to die over a miscommunication or worse if you let Trevor Lansing make you his puppet.

Johnny: I know what Trevor's about. He's not going to risk everything he's accomplished legitimately to run the Zacchara organization. He needs me as a buffer. He thinks he can control me, but he's about to find out he can’t.

Jason: So this is it right here? This is what you really want? You want to run your father's organization?

Johnny: It's not a question. The choice was made for me the day I was born.

Lulu: Hey -- Kristi wants the late shift, so you and I can have dinner.

Logan: Yeah, but will you tell me what you think about Scott’s offer first?

Lulu: Well, I think that's a question that you have to answer r yourself.

Logan: Yes, I know it is, Lulu, but you're really good at this kind of stuff, so will you please just tell me what you think?

Lulu: Well, I -- I don't know Scott well enough to know if he's being genuine or not. From what I've experienced, he's usually working an agenda. But if your dad is on the level, I mean, I can only give you what I know from my family.

Logan: I'm listening.

[Lulu sighs]

Lulu: Well, my dad hates cops. He thinks that they cause more trouble than they fix. But my brother is a cop, and I know that it's a really tough job, and at the end of the day, you're helping a lot of people and you stand for something.

Logan: You know, I teased Coop to no end when he told me he wanted to be a police officer. Going to become a cop, going to put on another uniform. Another uniform after what we went through in that war -- I couldn't for the life of me figure that out. What?

Lulu: Well, I mean, I -- I just realized that you worked for Sonny. You know a lot about his organization and how it works. If all of a sudden you start working for the other side, you might be asking for a lot of trouble that you don't need.

Scott: Alexis, just so you know, I'll be questioning your client in the Emily Quartermaine murder.

Alexis: And which client is that?

Scott: Jerry Jacks -- I'm calling him in as a suspect.

Alexis: I thought the police were under the assumption that Anthony Zacchara killed Emily.

Scott: Well, you know, that evidence against him was sketchy at best, and then a tipster weighed in, which rode Jerry right on to the murder.

Alexis: I think it might've been a little difficult for Jerry to strangle Emily while he was bleeding internally and had a collapsed lung.

Scott: Well, you know how those psychopaths are -- they don't let a little physical discomfort stop them from anything. Besides, there's bad blood between Nikolas and Emily and Jerry.

Alexis: Hmm. You're wasting my time again.

Scott: Oh, no, maybe I'm not wasting your time. If I was you, I would remove myself from this case, because Nikolas -- he is your nephew.

Alexis: Well, as it turns out, Jerry Jacks actually saved a few lives that night. So in all fairness, I'm not going to let a worm like you railroad him.

[Music plays]

Leyla: Are you sure this is going to work?

Jerry: Well, there's no guarantees. But I have to admit, in my mentally vast experience, I've found out that the best way to get over someone is to sleep with someone else. What I can promise, darling, is that you're going to have a lot of fun.

Leyla: Fun -- that's a new concept. I almost died, you know.

Jerry: What an amazing coincidence -- so did I.

Leyla: Yeah?

Jerry: I think we should start going into the business of reaffirming life, don't you think, darling?

Leyla: All right, then. Where do you want me?

Jerry: Well, everywhere, eventually, but why don't we start right here? There you go. Lovely. Oh, such beautiful skin.

Singers: I need you to need me

Singer: It's not extreme

Jerry: You're not having second thoughts, are you? It's always tedious at this stage of the game.

[Leyla vomits]

Jerry: Oh, bloody hell.

Coleman: Yeah, I mean, it's been a problem all my life, and I blame my old man for it, you know? He was just a cheap sorry S.O.B., you know, and I hate to admit it, but -- I don't know -- some of it rubbed off on me, you know?

Nadine: I'm sorry, this is about a television?

Coleman: No, no. No, not just a television -- 61-inch plasma --

Robin: Ooh.

Coleman: Yeah, yeah. No, I'm sorry, I should've got the 65" -- it was only, like, a grand or so more, and --

Kelly: Uh -- size doesn't matter?

Lainey: Hey, take it back?

Elizabeth: Watch smaller shows?

Robin: Read a book.

Coleman: Gee, thanks -- no, thanks, girls. No, no, no, no -- your empathy humbles me, really. So what about -- what about my support shot? Do I get that or --

Kelly: That --

Lainey: Hey, that we can do.

Kelly: That we can do. Okay, bombs away.

Robin: Bombs away.

[Kelly imitates explosion]

Coleman: Bombs away.

Kelly: Ooh, wait --

[Robin squirms]

Lainey: Oh, yeah.

Kelly: Robin --

Robin: Yes?

Kelly: You haven't shared. I want -- I want you to share. I want you to share something.

Robin: Oh, I can't possibly follow the television.

Nadine: Oh, come on! You need a catharsis --

Lainey: Uh -- what? Say what?

Nadine: I don't know.

Lainey: She's like, "what?"

Kelly: I can't say it, either.

Robin: Okay, I have a problem! A problem -- problems. Okay, number one, I can't find anyone to get me pregnant.

Kelly and Lainey: Aw.

Elizabeth: That's a problem.

Robin: And -- and number two, the only man that I want to get me pregnant doesn't want to be a father. And you know what? He would actually be the most amazing father -- once he stopped being awful.

[Laughter]

Robin: I just don't get why fatherhood scares men so much.

Elizabeth: Not all men.

Kelly: Oh, no.

Robin: Where are they?

Kelly: I don't know -- I'm so confused.

Elizabeth: And look at who it is, girls --

Nadine: Oh.

Lainey: Uh-uh.

Elizabeth: Foolish, foolish Patrick Drake. Wait, nope, check that -- calling him a fool would be too kind. What you are is selfish and blind and stupid.

Lainey: Ooh.

Elizabeth: Throwing away your chance at being a parent with the woman you love -- when there are men who would give anything for it.

Kelly: Yeah.

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Johnny: My father might be out of commission, paralyzed in some hospital room. But I'll never escape what I was born into. Either I accept my fate or I have no fate. So it boils down to two options -- I can be in charge, or I can be what you said -- Trevor's puppet. That'll never happen.

Jason: It's your choice. Just keep something in mind. Trevor's always going to be looking for leverage. Just be careful who you bring into your life.

Johnny: I'll handle Trevor. My father may have dumped this life on me, but I'm up for the challenge. So just know, if you come to kill me, I'll be waiting to kill you first.

Logan: Hey.

Scott: How you doing?

Logan: Look, um, this isn't easy for me to say, so I'm just going to get it out.

Scott: Okay.

Logan: Um -- you know, Scott, we're probably never going to be that close, and, you know, I never wanted any favors from you. But at the same point and time, I appreciate, you know, what you tried to do to help me. And -- uh -- you know, that PCPD thing -- that's just -- that's not going to work out for me. You know, not with where I'm at right now in life. I can't do it.

Trevor: What can I do for two of Port Charles' finest?

Lucky: We're investigating Emily Quartermaine’s murder, as well as the attack on Carly Jacks.

Det. Harper: We think there could be a link between the two crimes and the September murder of Leticia Juarez.

Trevor: Hmm. Well, if this has got anything to do with Anthony Zacchara, you know that he has been certified insane. And if he committed a crime before his unfortunate accident, I would have no knowledge of that.

Det. Harper: We're not here about Anthony. We need to verify John Zacchara's alibis for all three incidents in question.

Lucky: At this point, none of the ones he gave holds up.

[Lulu sighs]

Lulu: Johnny, what are you doing here?

Alexis: Jerry, it’s Alexis. I am terribly sorry to have to come here and do this, but we need to talk about strategy.

Leyla: Hi!

[Music plays]

Elizabeth: Do you know that there are wonderful men -- brave and kind, endlessly patient men -- who would give anything to be a father?

Patrick: That's great. Then I think those wonderful specimens should go for it. What do you want from me?

Elizabeth: You don't get it, do you? He doesn't get it, no. The man -- the men I am talking about desperately want a family, but they can't have them because of choices that they made when they were too young to know any better. And all you have to do is take your head out of your self-invested butt, reach up, and accept the gracious gift that's been given to you.

Leo: Huh. You're on your own, brother.

Elizabeth: Hmm.

Patrick: You know what I don't get -- what any of this has to do with you. What do you care if I have kids or not?

Elizabeth: Because Robin's my friend, and she's an amazing woman who deserves to have all of her dreams come true. You have the ability to make that happen. You have an incredible job with an unlimited future. You're in good health, and nobody's trying to kill you, and yet you won't even try to be a father -- because you're a big, fat, selfish coward. Whatever. It's your loss, buddy. You have to live with it.

Patrick: Nice.

Singer: No need to say it twice

Robin: I agree with every word she said.

>> On the next "General Hospital" --

Tracy: What's going on?

Epiphany: Your husband's heart gave out again.

Trevor: John has an alibi. Go out and find the real killer -- probably stalking his next victim.

Kate: You keep this up, and we don't have a future.

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