GH Transcript Wednesday 6/13/07

General Hospital Transcript Wednesday 6/13/07

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Proofread by Kathy

Jax: Wow!

[Carly laughs]

Carly: See, that's the reaction I was hoping I'd get.

Jax: When those high rollers get a look at you, forget it. You know, forget about poker faces. I am so proud to be your husband.

Carly: Well, that goes both ways.

Jax: Aw. What's the matter?

Carly: No, I just got a chill.

Jax: What, from my proximity?

Carly: What else?

[Jax chuckles]

Jax: No, really, are you catching a cold or something?

Carly: No, I don't know. I just -- I have a really weird feeling.

Tracy: Isn't that better than cold pizza at your brother's house?

Lulu: It's my house, too.

Monica: If you are going to stay here, Lulu, you're going to have to do more than just hang around and go have sex with Dillon in the boathouse.

Edward: Monica, wash your mouth out.

Lulu: Wow -- we don't have that kind of relationship, and we never will.

Monica: Well, regardless, you're going to have to do something -- get a job or go to school this summer.

Alan: Tracy, stop staring at me -- Father's watching you like a hawk.

Tracy: What are you doing?

Edward: I was just about to ask you the same thing, dear.

Alice: Everyone, the cake is ready -- and that bozo's back, too.

Scott: All right, Edward, before you sic the exterminator on me, I'm here on official business. Tracy, you're under arrest. Cuff her and stuff her.

Officer: Tracy Quartermaine Spencer, you're under arrest for the kidnapping of Laura Spencer.

Tracy: You cannot arrest me for kidnapping. You have no proof.

Scott: I got proof, Tracy. I can put you and Luke at the scene before Laura disappeared. I also saw you with my own eyes, Tracy, sitting in Lauraís room in a blond wig. Now, cuff her!

Edward: No -- no one is being arrested until you can provide a properly sworn and executed warrant.

Scott: Well, I can do that there, Edward.

Alan: I hate to say it, Tracy, but I told you so.

Edward: Oh, well. It is in order. Go ahead, get it done. I want my dessert.

Tracy: Daddy --

Scott: Come on, get her up, read her her rights.

Tracy: No! Don't manhandle me!

Officer: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Tracy: Ow!

Robin: I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm sure it's the tequila talking. Everything that I'm saying is coming out wrong, and I'm sure everything you're hearing is sounding worse. Of course you would go grab a condom -- hello, Ms. H.I.V. Positive.

Patrick: You -- you jumped to me being afraid to get you pregnant. Now, to me, that says that this is an issue. Are you seriously thinking about having a kid?

Robin: Are you insane? Absolutely not. No, no, of course not. There is no way. I mean, really, having a child is the furthest thing from my mind.

[Patrick sighs]

Patrick: So you do want a kid?

Sam: I see other women with babies and I immediately feel this pain and this anger. And I think to myself about -- about women like Elizabeth Spencer -- why can she have something that I can't?

Alexis: I get it. I do, I really do. After I -- I gave you up, I tried to bury every maternal instinct that I had, but you know what? It creeps up when you least expect it.

Sam: I understand that, but, look, you're a mother, you have children, you have a career -- that what I want. That's it.

Alexis: Okay, Sam, then you got to figure out a way to get what you want. So what's the problem?

[Sam sighs]

Sam: Jason. He's resistant to fertility procedures. Which is an excuse because the truth is he's really convinced that his life is too dangerous -- and I -- I know. I know you think the same thing, you've told me a hundred times.

Alexis: I'm sorry, but it is true.

Sam: I just -- I don't buy it. If Jason had the chance to raise his own child, he would move mountains to keep that boy safe.

Alexis: It's interesting how you automatically assume that Jason would have a son.

Sam: I -- no, Jason never really expressed interest either way, but if he had the choice, I know he -- he would want a son.

Jason: Let me make sure that I understand what you're saying. Sam would lead me into situations where I would come into contact with Jake because she thinks he's mine?

Amelia: Yeah. That so-called picnic in the park, where you and Sam just happened to run into Elizabeth and Jake --

Jason: Yeah?

Amelia: Completely orchestrated and designed to torture you. I'll bet right now other incidents, other "chance meetings" are colliding in your head. Let me guess, let me guess -- Sam would make a huge fuss over Jake right before shoving him into your arms? She meant to twist the knife because Sam cannot stand the idea that you had a son with Elizabeth.

Carly: I don't know, Jax, okay? It doesn't make any sense, because I have been looking forward to having my brand-new husband all to myself for a night of fun and romance, right? I mean, no one deserves that more than us.

Jax: Absolutely.

Carly: And it's perfect. It's perfect because Leticiaís here, the boys are fine, the boys are fine with us. I know Jason's in trouble, but there's nothing I can do to help him, and most importantly, Jerry's gone -- for now. So attending this casino opening should be a no-brainer.

Jax: So what's the "but"?

Carly: I don't know, I don't know. I just feel like something's looming.

Jax: Maybe we're just not used to smooth sailing. Look, I know it's been hell on you having Jerry around --

Carly: No, I don't want to talk about that. I don't, I don't, because I don't blame you, okay? It's -- it's not your fault. I love you. I love you, and I signed on for a wonderful life with you, and Jerry's your brother, so I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with that.

Jax: Bad feelings be damned. Let's get out of here, come on.

Carly: We can do anything together.

Jax: Damn straight.

Carly: Besides, I have to show up there with you and, you know, bring you tons of luck.

Jax: Well, just having you on my arm walking in there makes me the winner.

Carly: How do you do that?

Jax: What?

Carly: Take the cheesiest lines and make them sound so romantic?

Jax: It's not cheesy. I'm offended by that.

[Carly laughs]

Jax: I save my best stuff for you. What are you talking about?

Carly: It was cheesy.

Michael: Mom?

Jax: Hi.

Carly: Hi.

Michael: Morgan threw up.

Tracy: The only thing I am guilty of is helping my husband sneak into Rose Lawn to say goodbye to Laura.

Scott: Then why did I find you in Lauraís room with no Luke or Laura in sight?

Tracy: How do I know? Maybe they went to get some gum.

Monica: Oh, Tracy, come on. You can do better than that.

Tracy: I went into Lauraís room to get Luke. The room was empty. Being a naturally curious person, I snooped around a little bit, saw the blond wig, Lauraís robe, put them on, sat in the rocking chair --

Scott: All right, quiet, Tracy! Enough of this! Let me tell you what happened -- Luke took off with Laura and left you holding the bag, and in that bag is kidnapping charges. And you know what comes with that dinner? Jail time, lots of it. So tell me where he took her, or go to jail.

Tracy: I have no idea.

Scott: Take her, Officer.

Tracy: Oh, please, don't all rush to help me at once. Great, thank you so much. Now would be a nice me for a resounding clap of indignant thunder.

Alan: I tried to help, but you wouldn't listen.

Scott: Tracy, Tracy, Tracy, Tracy, talking to the furniture's not going to help your sanity plea here. Let's go. Off we go.

Tracy: Stop it, both of you! You're --

Lulu: What is wrong with you people? Isn't anybody going to help her?

Edward: A large piece, please.

Monica: Just a sliver for me, Alice.

Alice: Okay.

Edward: Is there ice cream?

Robin: I never said I wanted a baby

Patrick: You don't -- your actions scream.

[Patrick sighs]

Robin: Maybe you're the one with babies on the brain --

Patrick: Oh --

Robin: The one with the big fear factor. You saw me holding a baby, and you completely overreacted.

Patrick: I reacted to your overreaction. You held the baby and -- and bassinets and diapers were floating over your head.

Robin: Look at me. Come here. Sit.

[Robin sighs]

Robin: I am not thinking of having a child. My life is too full, I'm too busy. You know, of course there are -- there are daycare centers and nannies and -- and family who would be willing to pick up the slack. And yes, okay, I'm in my optimum childbearing years.

Patrick: See, Robin, you're doing research.

Robin: "Research"? I'm just reciting information that any human would know.

Patrick: That is not information that is on the tip of the tongue unless the subject is on the tip of your brain.

Robin: Listen, don't confuse facts with intentions. I am a woman, okay? I can't help but think about these things.

Patrick: Okay, you know what? But you're thinking about them all the time.

Jason: So the night Sam's show went on the air and you called me to come get her at the bar because she was drunk, that was -- that was because she thought I was Jake's father?

Amelia: No, not "thought," Jason, "knew." Sam was jazzed off the premiere's success, we had just gotten back from Manhattan. Sonny told us that you had found Elizabeth collapsed in her home, that you had taken her to the hospital and that she had almost lost the baby. Sam went to see Elizabeth to show her support, and you were there.

Jason: And Sam overheard me with Elizabeth.

Amelia: You're probably wondering why she didn't just confront you about it. I wondered the exact same thing. Then I realized her have the truth stay buried. The last thing Sam wants is for you to be a real and present Father to your son.

Jason: Why should I believe you? You hate Sam, you blame her for your father's death.

Amelia: Only because she was responsible. She tried to rob my Father blind, then put a hole through his chest when he had the nerve to object.

Jason: Okay, I -- I get that you're angry, okay? Obviously, you're invested in making Sam pay; you would do or say anything at this point.

Amelia: Your instincts play an important part in your line of work. One could surmise they're the only reason that you're still alive -- that means they're fine-tuned, which tells me part of you already knows that I'm telling the truth. You knew before I got here, that's why you called me and not Sam. Hmm. No problem. I'm happy to talk you through it -- it's actually kind of a relief to get it out. According to Sam, the times that she set you up to see Jake were supposed to make you so uncomfortable that you would confess to being his Father. In her mind, that was the only way that she could forgive you for keeping such a huge secret.

Jason: You don't believe that?

Amelia: No. Sam fears -- and maybe rightly so -- that if the truth comes out about Jake, Elizabeth and Lucky's marriage will be over, and you and Elizabeth will end up together.

[Jason sighs]

Amelia: Maybe not right away, but once you acknowledge that Jake is your son, it's not a stretch to think that his real parents would start to bond on a more profound level. If there's an underlying love, anything is possible. I get the impression that's the case with you and Elizabeth -- the underlying-love part? Sam can't stand that. She wants to hang on to you and your money and your protection. She's taking steps to ensure that she does.

Jason: What kind of steps?

Amelia: Sam is planning to hire a surrogate to carry her egg and your sperm. That's right, Jason. Sam is going to hire a stranger to provide her with the one thing she thinks can make you finally marry her.

Sam: When I find a surrogate, it won't matter if she's carrying a girl or a boy, as long as Jason and I can look at that baby and know that it's ours.

Alexis: Well, I have the best hopes for you, but I do sense an urgency about this.

Sam: No, of course not. I've been wanting a family for a really long time. You know that.

Alexis: I do. Okay, so when you go through with this, would you mind if I could look over the contract? I know it's an emotional issue for you, but -- but it is a business arrangement and there could be legal loopholes. I want to make sure that all your rights are protected.

Sam: Thank you, but Dr. Lee made it sound pretty cut-and-dry, so --

Alexis: Just to be safe.

Sam: Gosh, you're really starting to sound like Amelia -- she wants me to always be informed --

Alexis: Speaking of Amelia, I wouldn't mind taking a look at the contract that you have with her, as well, just so I can make sure all the --

Sam: Unfortunately, it's too late, but it doesn't matter because I really trust her. I mean, look, she's handed me this job, this amazing job on a silver platter.

Alexis: What does Amelia think about you wanting to become a mother?

Sam: Well, she was quite clear as long as it doesn't slow down production, then I'm sure she doesn't care, but I do. I would give all of this up in a second if it meant having a family with Jason.

Lucky: "For the little toy train who just saved the day. The end."

Elizabeth: Yay. Good story.

Lucky: I'm going to take Cameron upstairs in a minute. I just wanted to talk to you about this weekend.

Elizabeth: This weekend? This doesn't have anything to do with Father's day, does it?

Lucky: Well, I thought the four of us could maybe hook up with Nikolas or Emily and Spencer for a little family picnic or something.

Elizabeth: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.

Lucky: Huh.

Elizabeth: What?

Lucky: I was just remembering that, um, Father's Day was never a major event when I was a kid.

Elizabeth: Imagine that.

Lucky: I want us to be different. I came so close to losing everything that matters and I -- I just want to celebrate the fact that I didnít. That I'm sitting here with my two amazing boys and my beautiful wife.

Coop: That is the best coffee I've had all day.

[Waitress laughs]

Coop: That's quite the "hello."

Maxie: What can I say? You inspire me.

Coop: What do you do, stake out the place so you can catch me on my break?

Maxie: No, my timing is impeccable. What, are you afraid I'm going to drive off the competition?

Coop: There is none.

Maxie: Men can be weak.

Coop: They're not allowed to look at a pretty girl?

Maxie: Well, looking leads to talking, which leads to touching, which leads to --

Coop: How about I call you right after work?

Maxie: Don't bother -- I'll already be waiting in your room.

Logan: Uh-oh. Cadet with the police commissioner's daughter -- this looks like fraternization to me.

Maxie: I think a foul wind just blew in.

Coop: Hey, you two are on your own, I don't have time to referee. I got to get back to work and wrap things up -- for my hot date. Watch yourself --

Logan: Right.

Coop: That's my girl.

Logan: Ahem. Huh. Coop's a poor little sucker, isn't he? He doesn't have any clue who you are. Somebody ought to warn him.

Maxie: Well, since you're so ready to jump my bones, maybe the person Coop needs to be warned about is you.

Logan: Coop's gone, all right? You don't have to try and act so hard like you don't like me.

Maxie: Who's acting?

Logan: Hey, we made a deal here that ends with us hopping in the sack.

Maxie: The ends justifies the means -- or something like that.

Logan: Have you always been this insecure or does coop bring this out of you?

Maxie: Excuse me?

Logan: I mean, it's really sad -- a pretty young lady like yourself, trying so hard to keep Lulu away from coop.

Maxie: Look, this has nothing to do with insecurity, it's basic. I hate Lulu and she hates me. She stole my sister's husband and did her best to break up me and Lucky. The least I could do is return the favor by sticking her with a user like you.

Logan: You can deny this all you want, but you set this up so we get to sleep together.

Maxie: Look, when this is all said and done and Lulu's poor little heart is broken and I've paid my debt to the devil by sleeping with you --

Logan: Mm-hmm.

Maxie: I'm all about Coop.

Logan: Right. You see, there's one little problem with that whole scenario. Once you've had me, you're not going to want Cooper anymore.

Jax: Leticia's off. How's Morgan?

Carly: Oh, let's hope it's a 24-hour bug. Well, it's better than when Michael used to lie and say he was sick to keep us apart.

Jax: Yeah, see? Things are improving daily.

Carly: Yes, they are. But he is sick.

Jax: Yeah.

Carly: Yeah.

Jax: Well, it's a good thing that we're staying home, then, isn't it? Maybe he'll feel better just knowing that we're here.

Carly: I'm sorry.

Jax: No, don't apologize.

Carly: This wasn't the night we planned. I'm really sorry.

Jax: Hey, I'm a big boy, I'm a new stepfather, I can make the adjustment.

[Phone rings]

Michael: I got it!

Carly: That means it's a girl -- you know, the girl that he goes out of his way to tell me is so, so silly?

Jax: Oh, that's a whole new set of problems, isn't it?

Carly: Yeah, I really don't want to talk about that.

Jax: Okay.

Carly: How about frozen pizza for dinner?

Jax: Whoa, hold on a second. We can't have pizza in front of, you know, Morgan -- he's sick; he's going to feel even worse.

Carly: You are so thoughtful. You are.

Jax: Well, it's his favorite --

Carly: And you will get past that.

Jax: It's his favorite food. You can't eat pizza in front of him.

Michael: Hey.

Carly: Hey.

Michael: What's for dinner?

Jax: Oh, we're just discussing that. Any requests?

Michael: Frozen pizza?

Jax: Like mother, like son.

Carly: Mm-hmm. What about -- hmm -- fish sticks?

Michael: Uh -- okay, I guess.

Jax: Yeah, fish sticks -- yummy.

Carly: So, who was on the phone?

Michael: It was weird -- someone was there, but they didn't say anything, and then they hung up.

Jason: Sam knows how I feel about this. I won't have a baby through a surrogate.

Amelia: Are you naive or obtuse?

Jason: You probably don't want to call me names right now.

Amelia: Sorry, it's just a little baffling that you think that your consent matters to a woman who bilked five men out of hundreds of thousands of dollars, and then shot and killed one of them. I don't know -- maybe it's sweet that you're so trusting in the face of overwhelming evidence. Okay, here goes -- you and Sam sleep together, right? I'm sure that you e protection and that makes you feel safe. But to be blunt, all Sam has to do is gather some of your D.N.A. and take it to a lab. Once the child is a reality, growing inside a mommy-for-hire, are you really going to turn your back on it?

Jason: Sam wouldn't do something like that.

Amelia: Please.

Jason: She is not the woman that you're describing.

Amelia: Take it from me, she is not the person you want to be the mother of your child. I know that this is a lot to process, but it's better. It's better that you know now before something irrevocable happens.

Jason: You realize when I tell -- I tell Sam all things you said, she's going to walk out on you and the show?

Amelia: "If" you tell her. As for "Everyday Heroes," shows come and go. We only get one father. And somehow I feel like I've just done right by mine. And who knows -- maybe it'll open the door for you doing right by your son.

Elizabeth: Huh. Oh, you are so busted.

Lucky: You come stare at Jake while he's sleeping?

Elizabeth: Again.

Lucky: I just can't help myself.

Elizabeth: Well, don't think you're the only one that feels blessed. Because I just can't believe you -- you love me and you've taken on two kids.

Lucky: Why wouldn't I? I mean, I've loved Cam like he was my own. And now that I have my very own son, everything's perfect. Hey, you know what? Why don't we just stay home, turn down the lights, maybe play some music and relax?

Elizabeth: That sounds perfect.

[Knock on door]

Lucky: Hey.

Sam: Hi. Um -- I need to speak to you about Jason.

Michael: Here you go.

Carly: I knew we shouldn't have gone through with this -- one wrong roll of the dice and we lose our hotel.

Jax: Not to mention the yacht.

Michael: Yeah.

Carly: Wait, wait!

Jax: What?

Carly: Let me blow -- luck. Go ahead. Oh!

Michael: Hey, Jax, you lose again.

Jax: You know what? You're killing me here. You're really -- you're killing me.

[Carly laughs]

[Phone rings]

Carly: I'll get that -- I'm stuck in jail anyway. You okay?

Morgan: Okay, I'll get you your money.

Carly: Okay.

[Ring]

Jax: Your brother is crazy.

Morgan: I'll get you the money.

Carly: Hello?

[Line disconnects]

Carly: Hello?

Morgan: You get to buy the water tower?

Jax: Yes. Who was it?

Carly: They hung up.

Patrick: Okay, come on.

Robin: No!

Patrick: Here.

Robin: Ugh -- I can't even look at it, let alone eat it. I feel I'm going to puke. And not because I'm pregnant --

Patrick: Mm-hmm.

Robin: Okay, just because I drank a little bit too much. And if you were able to think and drink at the same time, that would mean something to you.

Patrick: What is that supposed to mean?

Robin: Well, that if I were pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant or wish I were pregnant, I wouldn't really be throwing back shots with the girls, now, would I?

Patrick: What?

Robin: You're not even listening to me!

Patrick: I'm sorry, I just -- you know what?

[Robin laughs]

Robin: What?

Patrick: We're obviously not making any sense, I think we're a little tired, so let's hopefully wake up in the morning and not remember any of this argument.

Robin: Discussion.

Patrick: Discussion.

Scott: Now, you listen to me, Tracy, I've got you and Luke right where I want you.

Tracy: You don't have Luke -- or Laura, for that matter -- at all. And if you don't get someone to authorize my release, I'm going to tell every single fool in here that you killed Rick Webber.

Scott: Go ahead, there's no proof -- the evidence disappeared. So if you blow the whistle on me, all you're going to do is drive your husband crazy with guilt, and then you can just kiss that marriage goodbye.

Mac: Fair warning, Baldwin -- if you're here on one of your time-wasting games with Luke, don't waste my time.

Scott: Tracy broke the law, Mac. Just see that justice is served, that's all.

Tracy: Don't even think of throwing me in jail, or I'll sue.

Mac: So, according to the arrest report, you aided and abetted Luke in kidnapping Laura Spencer from a mental facility while Scott Baldwin was managing her case?

Tracy: Oh, please -- Scott Baldwin can't even manage his own hair.

Lulu: I came as fast as I could. I'm here to pay Tracy's bail.

Tracy: Where's my father?

Lulu: He's busy.

Tracy: What is so important that he can't bail me out?

Lulu: Um -- dessert.

Sam's voice: What if I tell you that, despite my new career, I will not be at peace unless we have your child to raise , even if it's not mine biologically? What if I tell you that we're not going to make it unless we are parents together?

Jason's voice: Did you know that Elizabeth was going to be here? Is that why you wanted to have the picnic here?

Sam's voice: I -- um -- I heard her mention it at Kellyís and it seemed like a really good idea. Jason, it's a big park, it's a beautiful day. I don't really see why it's such a big deal.

Jason's voice: You just saw how uncomfortable she was at the coffeehouse the other day.

Sam's voice: And why is that, Jason? Why is it that Elizabeth can't be bothered to be around you when you're the one who saved her and her unborn child during the hostage crisis?

Lucky: Kind of late, Sam, so what do you want?

Sam: I know, I know, Lucky, and I'm really sorry. It's just that I was out of town the night Jason was arrested, and -- well, he won't really tell me much.

Lucky: What do you want me to do about that?

Sam: Okay, look, I know this is really awkward for you, but I need to know how bad it looks for him, I want to help him. I know there's been a ton of obstacles, but I -- I just need to know how serious this is.

Lucky: I'm a cop.

Sam: I know, Lucky. Please, I'm not asking for details. Please, just broad strokes, if you can.

Lucky: Proof exists that Jason murdered Lorenzo Alcazar.

Sam: Proof?

Lucky: Jason's going to be convicted.

Sam: Okay. All right, thank you for your honesty. Um -- but I'm not going to think the worst, okay? I -- I have to believe that the police are wrong and Jason will beat this and him and I will be able to have a family just like yours.

[Sam sighs]

Amelia: Uh -- you're --

Alexis: I'm Alexis Davis. I'm Sam's mother.

Amelia: Oh. Well, nice to meet you. You have a remarkable daughter.

Alexis: Thank you.

Amelia: I -- I haven't seen her tonight.

Alexis: Oh, I've seen her. Actually, I've been waiting for you.

Amelia: How can I help?

Alexis: I'd like you to clarify your motives.

Amelia: I'm not sure I understand.

Alexis: You've come all the way here determined to make my daughter a star. I'd like to know exactly what you stand to gain.

Amelia: I got exactly what I wanted -- a hit show.

Alexis: I'm an attorney -- I don't take much at face value. I look for logic, and there doesn't seem to be any here. There doesn't seem to be any reason at all that a big TV producer from Manhattan would arbitrarily come to Port Charles to build a TV show around an anonymous hotel clerk with a mobster boyfriend.

Amelia: I can see you don't care much for your daughter's taste in men.

Alexis: This doesn't have anything to do with Jason. This has everything to do with Sam, and there seems to be an angle here that I'm missing, so far.

Amelia: It also seems that you don't think much of Sam's capabilities.

Alexis: I didn't say that at all, Ms. Joffe. I'm simply Sam's mother, and I'm interested in her best interest. And this is fair warning -- I will come after you if you exploit her in any way.

Amelia: "Everyday Heroes" -- "Everyday Heroes" is my baby. Sam is the woman that I handpicked to host it. I want them both to succeed. There are no guarantees in this business, but if Sam's big break goes south, it won't be my fault, it'll be Samís.

Jason: Hi.

Sam: Jason, I just came from Elizabeth and Lucky's.

Jason: Why?

Sam: I wanted to gather information, since you won't give me any.

Jason: What kind -- what kind of information?

Sam: Information about your arrest, Jason. Lucky says it's bad. He says that the police have got something and they've got enough to convict you.

Jason: Diane's handling it. There's nothing you can do.

Sam: What do you mean? You keep saying that.

Jason: It's -- it's true.

Sam: No, I -- I think there's always something someone can do who loves somebody when you're in trouble. I mean, the least you can do is believe in the future, but I don't want to do it alone. I want to know that you count on that, too.

Jason: You know how I work. I just take things as they come.

Sam: Jason -- will you promise me something, please?

Jason: I'll try.

Sam: Will you promise me that when you get out of this, we'll do whatever it takes to be a family?

Robin: Is that really good for a hangover?

Patrick: Preventative medicine -- greasy food absorbs alcohol -- and you should probably get some energy drink in you -- you're going to want to hydrate.

Robin: Wow, that is some expert opinion. How often were you drunk in medical school?

Patrick: Okay, you know what? It works. You'll have a headache, but you'll be able to function.

Robin: I hope so.

Patrick: Why don't we put this day to bed? I'm exhausted, you're exhausted.

Robin: Yes, I am. And I know one thing -- once my head hits the pillow, I am going to sleep like a b-- like a light. I'll be out like a light.

Edward: Oh, thank you.

Alice: Mm-hmm.

Monica: Oh --

Tracy: Hello, family.

Alan: Did somebody post bail or are you on the lam?

Tracy: I want to thank you all for rushing down to the police station to bail me out.

Edward: You know, Tracy, it's about time for you to face the consequences of all the things you've done, you know? How many times have you tried to avoid it, hmm?

Alan: Oh, let's tally them up -- this is going to be fun.

Tracy: Nobody asked you.

Monica: And you know something, Tracy? The ghost thing is getting real old.

Tracy: And where were you, Monica, when I was facing a night in lockup? How come Lulu was the only one to help me out?

Monica: Well, because, for some misguided reason, she wanted to.

Alice: Well, Lulu's indebted to miss Tracy. I mean, you not only helped Mr. Luke, but you helped her mother, too.

Maxie: Well, I hope you have better moves than that to use on Lulu, or you're never going to get either one of us in bed. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go upstairs and turn the air conditioner off -- Coop and I like to be hot when we have sex.

Logan: Ugh --

Maxie: Oh, what do you know? Get busy.

Logan: You know, you're never going to believe this, but I was actually just thinking about you.

Lulu: It's not a good time to play me, Logan. I just bailed my stepmother out of jail for helping my dad take off with my mom.

Logan: I thought your mother was too sick to be moved.

Lulu: She's better off away -- from him.

Scott: So, Lulu, you bailed out Tracy, huh?

Lulu: That's right.

Scott: Well, she's still charged with kidnapping, and if you don't tell me where your mother is, I may just charge you and your brother with exces-- oh!

Logan: Charge that, you miserable bastard.

Coop: Hey, what's going on?

Scott: I want you to arrest this idiot on assault charges.

Coop: I'm sorry, I'm just a cadet.

Lulu: Uh -- Logan didn't do anything. Scott just tripped and fell, and he's trying to make a scene, as usual.

Scott: Lulu, don't be a liar like your father.

Maxie: Actually, it's true. I saw everything -- Scott probably tripped over his ego.

Scott: Do as I tell you to do or you won't have much of a career at the pcpd!

Coop: We're looking at your word against theirs.

Scott: Lulu, I know that you're helping your mother; you think you are, but you're not. You're really hurting her.

Lulu: No, you're the one who hurt her, and I'll do whatever I can to make sure that you never get near her again.

Coop: It's probably best to let this go.

Scott: I told you to stay away from me. You're going to regret this.

Logan: Bring it on, old man.

Coop: Are you okay?

Lulu: Yeah, I'm fine.

Maxie: Okay, well, drama's over. Time for us.

Logan: You don't have to lie to me; it's obvious that you're not fine.

Lulu: Well, seeing you hit Baldwin made me feel better.

Logan: Huh. Well, I aim to please.

Lulu: Don't make a habit of getting in trouble for me. I'm not going to be grateful.

Logan: You don't have to worry about that, I have my own reasons for hitting Baldwin.

Lulu: You seem to really have it out for Scott. What's your deal?

Logan: Let's just say that the Spencers are not the only family that Baldwin messed with.

Tracy: I think it would be wise to adjust your collective attitudes. I have been running E.L.Q. practically by myself. If I go to jail, the company suffers. You need to start calling in favors, and start with Judge Rogers.

Monica: And just what is he going to do, Tracy? Because you are guilty.

Tracy: Monica, don't be naive. We're Quartermaines, we are all guilty of something. How do you think we got the power and money you married into?

Alan: Hey! Don't start taking out your frustrations on my Monica.

Tracy: You go away!

Edward: You know, Tracy, dear, it's been -- it's been such a long day for you. Why don't you just go up and take a nice, hot bath, huh?

Alan: Uh-oh. He's starting to act paternal -- that means he's up to something.

Tracy: Fine. If you won't go away, then I will.

[Tracy sighs]

Edward: Is it me, or is Tracy getting worse?

Alice: You know, Mr. Luke would really want us to help Miss Tracy.

Edward: Oh, really? Well, Mr. Luke isn't here.

Alice: Give --

Edward: Oh -- for God's sake --

Monica: Do you think it is remotely possible?

Edward: Oh, Monica, no, not -- not you?

Monica: Right. Right, yep, it's just another one of Tracy's strange agendas. I'm calling it a night.

Edward: All right, good night, dear.

Edward: Hello, Judge Rogers? Yes, this is -- this is Edward Quartermaine. I need to talk to you about my daughter.

Carly: Well, Morgan seems better, don't you think?

Jax: Definitely. Michael was on fire tonight -- he had me bankrupt in an hour.

Carly: Okay, you can stop. I know you were letting him win. That was very sweet of you.

Jax: I had fun.

Carly: Not too tame a night for you?

Jax: It was just right.

Carly: Who knew you were such a family man at heart?

[Phone rings]

Jax: I'll get it. Hello? Hello? Look, I know you're there, I can hear --

[Line disconnects]

Jax: Looks like we've got a crank caller.

Carly: Hmm -- or Jerry's trying to get in touch with you again.

Jason: I'm sorry. I -- I can't even think about having a child right now.

Sam: Come on, Jason, you're going to beat this murder charge, and when you do, you can finally think about it. You can think about us, you can think about our family. I know you don't think having a baby is the answer to any of our problems, I get that. I mean, look at Elizabeth and Lucky.

Jason: What about them?

Sam: "What about them?" I don't know -- last summer their relationship was pretty much over. I -- I mean, he had his thing with -- with Maxie, and she turned to you. And they had a baby and they're happy, and their -- and their love for Jake cleared the way for them to fall back in love again. Jason, I just -- I am not going to give up until we have the same thing. Okay?

Elizabeth: Where's Daddy, huh? There he is!

Lucky: Boo. You know, I don't know what Sam meant about having a family. I thought she couldn't have kids.

Elizabeth: She canít.

Lucky: Well, maybe her and Jason will have a surrogate.

Elizabeth: I don't know, I can't see Jason agreeing to that. Where'd Daddy go?

>> On the next "General Hospital" --

Kate: Thank you for dinner last night and coffee this morning.

Kelly: It's going to be more difficult than we thought for you to have a baby.

Jason: How is Jake?

Elizabeth: He's just a little miracle -- because of you.

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