GH Transcript Tuesday 6/12/07

General Hospital Transcript Tuesday 6/12/07


Provided By Suzanne
Proofread by Kathy

Sonny: This is not even funny. You cannot even make it to the door.

Kate: Who are you calling?

Sonny: 911.

Kate: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I don't need an ambulance.

Sonny: Okay, then we're going to drive you to the hospital.

[Kate sighs]

Kate: Sonny, I haven't eaten all day. I just stood up too quickly, I got a head rush.

Sonny: You don't know what could be wrong with your head. You're going to tell me that you fainted because you're hungry? You walked into the statue --

Kate: Yeah, monstrosity that it is.

Sonny: And knocked yourself out.

Kate: Look, I am well enough to know when a man is overreacting. I'm just -- I'm going to go back to my hotel and I'm going to lie down --

Sonny: You know what they say about concussions -- that you can't sleep for more than a couple hours at a time?

Kate: Hmm, really?

Sonny: Yeah.

Kate: Well, that's spoken like a man who has had vast experience with injuries. What is your point?

Sonny: Okay, either you go to the hospital, or you're going to stay here where I can keep an eye on you.

Kate: Hmm. And he's a control freak -- who knew? Okay, fine.

Sonny: See?

Kate: I'll stay. But I can't sleep in these clothes.

Sonny: Then take your damn clothes off.

Sam: I thought you might find the taping easier if we just sort of walked through the segment first.

Maureen: Yeah, this is so helpful. I -- I know how busy you are.

Sam: You are very, very brave to be here, and I just -- I want you to know that I promise you your story will help other people -- that's why we do this show.

Maureen: I never thought I'd be on television.

Sam: You know, I -- I never, ever would've imagined that I would've been on television, either. But Amelia, my producer -- she sort of just dropped out of the sky, showed up, and handed me this career, and now I get to meet really wonderful, inspiring people like yourself.

Officer: Are you Morgan’s attorney?

Amelia: I'm a family friend. You asked for me, here I am. Everything you wanted to know about Sam but were afraid to ask. Take a good look, Jason. Sam's been using you all along. 

Sonny: That is almost as cute as your sacred heart uniform.

Kate: Hmm. Well, on graduation day I promised myself I would never again wear box pleats or button-down shirts.

Sonny: You know, there was a rumor that the nuns used to measure the distance from the girls' knees to the hems of their skirts and you were sent home on more than one occasion.

Kate: Lies! There was only one girl who was ever sent home -- Christine --

Sonny: Mariani.

Kate: You would remember the school slut.

Sonny: Well --

Kate: You took her out, didn't you?

Sonny: No, no, no, no, that was Mark Cerullo's girl.

Kate: Cerullo -- yes, I remember the Cerullos.

Sonny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

Kate: You spent a lot of time over at the Cerullos' house. He -- the dad -- he had a sporting goods store.

Sonny: You did not leave the past that far behind.

Kate: Hmm, I think that blow to the head jarred my memory.

Milo: Mr. C asked not to be --

Bernie: I got to see him --

Milo: I'm sorry, boss.

Bernie: Not again.

Sam: I'll ask you to describe details of the house fire. I mean, it was electrical, right?

Maureen: In the wiring. I never knew fire could spread so fast.

Sam: Why don't we start with all the things that you did right. You were able to save your son. How old was he?

Maureen: Eric is 3. But it's more important that people hear what went wrong so they won't make the same mistake.

Sam: Absolutely. We want to alert parents to the potential danger.

Maureen: The baby's room was farther away from the fire. I told myself I could get my son out and go back for Rachel. The problem wasn't the flames. They never even reached her room. But the smoke did. That's what -- that's what killed my daughter -- smoke inhalation. She suffocated.

Sam: I -- um -- ahem -- I lost my baby girl, too. I had abruptio placenta. My -- my baby girl stopped breathing in utero, and by the time they did a C-section -- whew -- it was too late.

Maureen: Do you ever stop wondering about those few minutes that were the difference between life and death? And do you ever stop imagining what your little girl would be like if only God granted you that tiny, extra bit of time?

Sam: Ahem. The pain gets -- um -- easier, or maybe -- maybe you just get used to it. But no. Uh -- no, it never goes away.

Amelia: "Angela" was Sam's last alias. That's the name she used when she was married to Bill Monroe.

Jason: Your Father?

Amelia: My parents divorced when I was 10 -- it wasn't amicable. My mother and I moved back to the east coast, she took back her maiden name. My dad stayed in California and made a bundle developing real estate. I didn't get to see much of my father after we moved. Thanks to Sam, I never will. My dad called one day and said "Congratulate me, I'm getting married." I thought, "You know what? Good for him. Everyone deserves to be happy." Then he sent a picture. I realized my stepmother was the same age as me. She was young, beautiful, obviously a trophy wife. We never met, me and my stepmother, mostly because I figured it wouldn't last. Not that age difference is a bad thing -- unless the bride cleans out your bank account and plans to vanish while you're at the office. But Dad got a call from the bank and came home early and caught Sam packing. It got ugly. It's all there in the police report. Angela was badly beaten, her left wrist broken. It seems that Dad snatched the watch right off her wrist. Angela -- Sam -- had the presence of mind to get to the gun closet. She grabbed my father's shotgun and she gave him both barrels through the chest. Then she pleaded self-defense.

Jason: Well, I am sorry for your loss, but it's got nothing to do with me.

Amelia: You couldn't be more wrong.

Stan: I got it.

Kelly: Thank you.

Stan: Mm-hmm. Ladies?

Robin: For your information -- Stan?

Stan: Hmm?

Robin: Yes -- I don't spend my days daydreaming about being a mother. And I don't plan on converting any man -- including Patrick -- into daddy material.

Patrick: Ah, see, but you can't deny you got all squishy today when you held that baby.

Robin: Yeah, I did -- because I love babies. I love holding them, I love smelling them. I love that we count their lives in days instead of years.

Stan: All right.

Robin: Ah. And yes, I always thought that I would be a mother someday. But then I found out that I was H.I.V. positive and I was heartbroken, because "someday" became "never." But things have changed, and now I can think about it again -- in the abstract -- someday. So for now, everyone can relax.

Patrick: Look, I like kids. I see a man with a kid and I have admiration for him, but I don't get the urge. I like my life, I like my freedom. I don't need a child to feel fulfilled. A kid deserves a Father who is willing to sacrifice. And, hey, maybe -- maybe I'm too selfish -- or maybe I'm too much of a kid myself.

[Robin laughs]

Lainey: Yeah.

Kelly: Well, the good news is Robin doesn't need you to have a child.

Lainey: Yes!

Kelly: Right?

Robin: Thank you very much.

Lainey: Right.

Kelly: Thanks to the miracles of my profession, Robin can choose to become a mother on her own.

Lainey: That's right.

Stan: But, um, I'm going to tell you something right now. A mother raising a child on her own, it's no picnic -- and not one of you -- I don't care what you say, you can't tell me anything different.

Bernie: I'm just saying you have a tendency to be less focused when you're trying to impress a new woman, that's all.

Sonny: Okay, first of all, Bernie -- um -- this woman is not a "new woman," okay, and I'm not trying to impress anyone.

Bernie: I'm just saying that, given the fact that Jason may be incarcerated for the foreseeable future, the business is going to need your full attention. So maybe you could just reschedule the young lady to, say --

Sonny: Bernie -- "Bernie." You're an accountant, am I right?

Bernie: You are right.

Sonny: And a fine one at that.

Bernie: Thank you.

Sonny: So stick to giving me advice on numbers. Tell the hotel casino manager at The Playa that I will call him in the morning.

Bernie: "The morn--"

Sonny: Say good night, Bernie.

Bernie: "Good night, Bernie."

Sonny: Milo?

Bernie: Yeah.

Milo: Good night, Bernie.

Bernie: "Good night, Bernie." Okay.

Milo: Oh, I --

Kate: That man thinks I'm sleeping with you.

Sonny: Oh, "that man's" name is Bernie, and he's discreet about everything. He's my accountant.

Kate: Mm-hmm.

Sonny: Yeah.

Kate: He handles your coffee business?

Sonny: Why do you care what people think?

Kate: I have a reputation.

Sonny: Christine Mariani had a reputation, but Connie was one of the good girls.

Kate: Oh, I was? I mean -- she was?

Sonny: Why don't I make you that pasta --

Kate: Oh, no.

Sonny: What?

Kate: No pasta. I prefer chicken breast, grilled, skinless, boneless, and a side of steamed vegetables would be fine.

Sonny: You're kidding me.

Kate: Okay, well, if you've got fish, broiled -- if it's fresh.

Sonny: So this is what it's like to be Kate Howard -- you don't have flavor in your food anymore?

Kate: If I wanted to be a size 12, I would've stayed in Bensonhurst. The editor of "Couture" magazine is expected to maintain her appearance.

Sonny: And can I say it's been maintained nicely?

Tracy: Is that all you care about, E.L.Q.?

Edward: Well, you cared about it, too, once upon a time.

Alan: So much so, you forged my will.

Tracy: You're dead.

Alan: That's much better -- steal from a dead person.

Edward: Now, you listen to me, Tracy. I absolutely will not tolerate you having conversations with a spirit. Is it asking too much for you to discuss what's happening at E.L.Q. before your reprobate husband drags you off again?

Alan: Careful, Tracy. You know what Father wants to hear.

Tracy: Luke's presence or absence has absolutely no bearing on my ability to run E.L.Q.

Edward: Did you say "absence"?

Lulu: Just because my dad is out of town does not mean that I am moving in. There's no way in hell that I'm going to live with you guys.

Edward: What -- you mean Luke is gone? Ho-ho, happy day! Peace and quiet at last.

Alan: You call this "peace and quiet"?

Tracy: I can't hear myself think!

Lulu: Are either of you listening to me?

Monica: Cook says there are going to be four for dinner. Now, since when?

Tracy: Since Lulu is moving back in.

Monica: What?

Lulu: Whoa, whoa, I am not moving back in.

Tracy: You cannot stay at your brother's unsupervised.

Lulu: I am living with my brother and his wife, a cop and a nurse -- you don't get much more responsible than that.

Tracy: They work unpredictable hours, they have to be available for emergencies, which leaves you with no one to look after you.

Lulu: That's insane. Do you want me to bring Jake and Cameron, too? Apparently, we're all in jeopardy.

Monica: Excuse me, since this is my house --

Alan: I gave it to you.

Monica: I would really appreciate if someone would tell me when they are inviting people to move in.

Scott: All right, all right, pipe down, you Quartermaines -- excuse me. Tracy, you got 30 seconds to tell me where Luke took Laura.

Edward: I'm sure we have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Lulu: Since when does my dad ask anyone's permission to go anywhere?

Monica: My heavens, Scott, you lost Laura already? That doesn't say very much for your ability to be her guardian.

Lulu: You wanted to take care of my mom, so where is she?

Alan: I love this family.

Scott: You know, Edward, you're going to have to start thinking about replacing Tracy at E.L.Q. I doubt that the shareholders would want their C.E.O. in prison for kidnapping.

Edward: Oh, more empty threats.

Scott: No, Tracy and Luke went out to rose lawn, and Luke impersonated a psychiatrist -- a doctor --

Alan: Von Schimmerman!

Scott: Von Schimmerman -- and then she put on a blond wig while Luke snatched Laura.

Tracy, Edward and Monica: That's ridiculous!

Lulu: You have a lot of nerve coming in here accusing my father of anything.

Edward: Scott is incompetent at best.

Tracy: He's just trying to cover for the fact that he lost Laura less than 24 hours after getting her.

Scott: Your father stole your mother, and if you don't tell me where she is, all you Quartermaines are going to jail.

Alan: Not me.

Edward: Scott, would you like to find out what we do with threats, hmm? Alice?

Scott: "Alice"?

Edward: Alice!

Alice: Yes, Sir, Mr. Quartermaine, what can I do for you?

Edward: Would you throw Mr. Baldwin out, please?

Alice: I would love to.

Scott: Now, let me repeat this to you, Tracy -- ah-ah-ah. Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh, God!

Tracy: I cannot thank you enough for your support. It means so much to me.

Edward: Did you kidnap Laura? What the hell were you thinking?

Stan: What? What, nobody else here raised by a single mom?

Robin: Well, not exactly. I mean, my dad was a presence for a while, my mom was around in the beginning. But basically, I was raised by my Uncle Mac -- who actually never had any children of his own, but he was born to be a father. He's the best -- Uncle Mac.

Kelly and Lainey: Uncle Mac!

[Stan laughs]

Robin: Hmm.

Lainey: I had both parents.

Kelly: Hmm -- me, too.

Patrick: Yep --


Patrick: So did I, but my father's priority was his work.

Lainey: Oh, boy -- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Patrick: No, it doesn’t.

Stan: Ooh. Hey, Coleman, what about you? Were you raised with a daddy?

Coleman: I had five daddies.

Stan: Oh, wow.

Coleman: But my biological dad was in the Marines, and then my stepdads were a cop, army medic, a gas station attendant, and this guy we used to go visit out at Pentonville.

[Stan laughs]

Coleman: My mom loved a man in uniform, man.

Kelly: That is just way too much information.

Lainey: It explains so much.

Kelly: Oh --

Lainey: So -- ahem -- what was it like being raised by Epiphany?

Patrick: Yikes.

Stan: Um -- well, I -- I love my mama. I have infinite love and respect for her. I know it doesn't come off that way always, but -- but when I look back, there's a lot of places in my childhood where, you know, I know that the presence of a father would've made a huge difference. And, you know, it was just -- it's just not as easy as you guys are making it sound. It's just not. But, you know, like Kelly said, "T.M.I."

Lainey: So, wait -- hold on. If a woman is in a relationship, or if she's with a man like Patrick who doesn't want children, she should just give up the idea of ever being a mother?

Stan: Abandon it.

Lainey: That is patently unfair. And -- and I think that you ought to be a little bit more respectful of everything your mother sacrificed.

Stan: More respect?

Lainey: Yes.

Stan: You know what? If I listened to every single little thing that my mother wanted me to do --

Patrick: Oh, God.

Stan: I'd be dating you.

Robin: You didn't tell him?

Stan: Tell me what?

Patrick: Your mom has been, uh, pushing Lainey to date you, and she has graciously sidestepped the issue.

Stan: Huh. Huh. Really? Okay, so now I'm not good enough for you to date?

Robin: Ugh --

Kelly: Oh! Robin?

Stan: What's up with that?

Robin: You always do that.

Patrick: What -- what did I -- what did I do?

Robin: You people -- you male people. It's true! You say that you don't want something, and then the moment a woman agrees, you turn around and change your mind. It doesn't matter if it's dating Lainey, finding an apartment, or picking out furniture.

Stan: No, no, no, no.

Robin: Men are contrarians by nature.

Lainey: High-five that.

Robin: Yes.

Kelly: Contrarians.

Women: Contrarians!


Sonny: Iced tea. I'd give you wine, but it's -- it would be dangerous for a woman in your position.

Kate: And what position is that?

Sonny: Half naked in my living room.

Kate: It is not really fair to flirt with a woman who may be disoriented.

Sonny: Well, I'm not flirting, I'm actually telling the truth. You look a lot better in my shirt than you do in your own designer wardrobe.

Max: Boss, I'm really worried about -- oh, no.

Sonny: Milo -- yes. What part of "do not disturb" are you having trouble with?

Milo: Sorry, boss, but it's Max -- you know, he's my brother. What am I supposed to do?

Sonny: You tell him to wait! If he doesn't, shoot him!

Max: Milo, Mr. C wasn't serious, all right? Put the gun away.

Milo: Okay.

Max: God. Look, he just feels guilty because he knows he's being unfair to Mrs. C.

Sonny: You have to understand something -- there is no "Mrs. C." She married Jax, am I right? That was her decision, and you -- you don't get to have an opinion on who my guests are.

Max: Boss, you haven't even had a decent mourning period from the end of your last relationship. I --

Kate: "Relationship"? Excuse me, what relationship?

Sam: As you'll hear tonight, in a few minutes -- whew -- even seconds can mean --

Alexis: Hi. Hello.

Sam: Hi.

Alexis: Hi.

Sam: Hey, what -- what are you doing here?

Alexis: You know, it's funny -- I dropped Kristina off at school, and one of the moms came up to me and said that she really liked "everyday heroes," and how proud I must be of you. See, apparently, Kristina must be bragging about her big sister. And so I realized that you had this big, exciting thing going on and I seem to have missed most of it, so here I am.

Sam: Thank you, and don't worry about it. We have both been really busy. It's just --

Alexis: You know what? The worst is over, so I think it's time for you to have a mother who supports you.

Sam: Good. I mean, you know, I can always use all the support I can get.

Alexis: You know, for someone with a very fulfilling, exciting future, you don't seem very happy about it.

Sam: I don't know. I mean, what's -- what's that saying? "Be careful what you wish for"? I'm a living example.

Jason: I just don't understand why you would build your television show around someone you blame for your father's death.

Amelia: Sam never paid for killing my father or for swindling all her other husbands. Given what fools she made of them, and the fact that they were all upstanding citizens with reputations to uphold, not one of them was willing to air his dirty laundry in public -- which meant Sam got away with all of it, including murder. I wanted to punish Sam for what she did, but I wasn't in the business of revenge. Then I saw her interviewed after the hostage crisis and I saw a chance for justice.

Jason: By making Sam a TV star?

Amelia: The show is just step one -- make Sam a celebrity, inflate her ego, get her hooked on the adulation -- then drop the bomb. Expose Sam publicly for who she really is, sit back and let the vultures circle. Once the tabloids smell blood, it's a whole other form of torture. So while Sam will never go to prison for killing my father, she can still suffer public humiliation.

Jason: Is that still the plan?

Amelia: Well, there's one small problem -- as Sam's career has skyrocketed, so has mine behind the scenes. I'm not prepared to sacrifice my own future in the name of revenge.

Jason: So you'll settle for destroying Sam's personal life?

Amelia: Sam hardly needs me for that. Your relationship with Sam is collapsing all on its own.

Diane: I can't think of one good reason you'd talk to the media.

Patrick: To men --

Stan: To men, ah!

Patrick: Contrarians, every one of us, who don't know what they want until women tell us. And to women --

Stan: Perfect.

Patrick: Good, consistent --

Stan: Lovely.

Patrick: Laid-back creatures.

Robin: Yes.

Patrick: We would be lost without you.

Robin: Don't forget "very smart" and "very sexy."

Kelly: Yes.

Lainey: Hear, hear.

Kelly: Amen.

Robin: Salud.

Kelly: Ah.

Robin: What's the matter? I see you didn't drink to our toast. Is -- is there a problem?

Patrick: I was just remembering the last time you made me this crazy, I came to Jake's for solace then, too.

Robin: You see, it's always my fault.

Patrick: It was during the commitment-crisis time. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I didn't want to be tied down to one woman, and --

Stan: Uh-uh.

Patrick: Sweet little Miss Scorpio changed my mind on that.

Robin: Damn -- how could you have been so wrong?

[Patrick chuckles]

Patrick: I was wrong about that, but it stops there -- I'm not wrong about --

Lainey: Hang on, guys, hold on. Before we -- wait --

Stan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa --

Robin: You're all of it.

Stan: Hey, hey --

Lainey: You know what?

Stan: Whoo-hoo.

Robin: He's always wrong -- did you guys hear that?

Lainey: I am going to send -- Miss Robin, I am going to send you guys out to hail a cab so that you can continue this delightful conversation at home.

Robin: You mean Patrick’s home -- I'm just an occasional visitor.

Patrick: It's not by my choice.

Robin: Come on.

Lainey: Beat it.

[Lainey laughs]

Patrick: Good night.

Lainey: Good night, you guys.

Robin: Good night.

Stan: Yep.

Robin: Thanks for the tequila.

Kelly: Yeah.

Stan: Ah.

Kelly: They are so cute together.

Lainey: Yeah. Too bad it can't last. Hmm.

Kate: Sonny and I are not in a relationship. Sonny, would you explain it to them?

Max: Nice outfit.

Sonny: Max --

Kate: Okay, the only reason that I am here is because I bumped my head on that ridiculous statue your fabulous Mrs. C had delivered to my house, and Sonny wants me to stay here to make sure that I don't have a concussion. And the only reason that I'm wearing this is because I refuse to sleep in my clothes -- oh -- why am I trying to explain myself to a thug -- to a thug's thug?

Sonny: Max, there's nothing to explain. I mean, you know, she's Kate Howard.

Kate: Yes, thank you.

Sonny: Right.

Kate: Right. Nothing has happened yet.

Sonny: No.

Kate: I mean -- will happen, ever. All I plan to do is have a little bite of supper and then go to sleep -- in a guest room far, far away from Sonny -- who I barely know.

Max: Wait -- I know you.

Kate: Yes. Yes, of course you do. Anyone who doesn't live under a rock knows who I am.

Max: Miss NASCAR 2000.

Kate: What?

Max: I would know those legs anywhere. I will never forget those hot pants you wore when you got that trophy.

Kate: Okay, no, see, I would never be caught dead in hot pants or anywhere near a NASCAR function.

Max: Do you have a sister?

Sonny: Okay, Max -- whatever you need to see me for, it can wait till the morning, am I right?

Max: I suppose. I mean --

Sonny: Yeah, I suppose, I suppose. So, listen, Kate Howard and Carly aren't on great terms, so -- and I know you don't want to hurt Carly’s feelings --

Max: No.

Sonny: So let's just keep this situation to ourselves.

Max: Oh, you think this is for the best, I guess?

Sonny: Yeah, I do. I do, trust me.

Max: All right, boss, just so you know, rebound relationships never work. Keep up the good work.

Milo: Yeah -- yeah –

Sam: Let's have a seat. You really look so much better every time I see you.

Alexis: Thank you. You know, now that the chemo's over, I feel much better, and my hair is actually growing under this wig.

Sam: Oh, nice.

Alexis: It's at a certain length. I'm wondering how long I have to wait before I can get maybe extensions put on or something.

Sam: Oh, you know what? The hairdresser that we have here is a genius. I'll introduce you if you want.

Alexis: Great. I would love that, thank you.

Sam: Yeah.

Alexis: We should do something normal, something mother-and-daughtery, like going on a shopping spree or something.

Sam: That would be fun.

Alexis: I would like that, actually.

Sam: Me, too.

Alexis: I'd like for you to know me when I'm on all four cylinders. And look at you -- you're a big TV star.

Sam: Oh -- I am -- you know, I know no one's going to believe me, but I did this, beyond everything else, because I want to help people make their lives a little bit safer. Tomorrow we're doing this segment on -- on fire safety and children and getting them out in time, and if one person -- just one person watches it and it helps them, then I -- I just think it -- it's worthwhile, you know?

Alexis: As long as you're fulfilled. What?

Sam: Okay.

[Sam sighs]

Sam: I've got babies on the brain.

Jason: Amelia came here to talk about Sam.

Diane: Sam is not protected by spousal privilege. And Ms. Joffe could be called upon to testify regarding anything Sam even implies she knows about your alleged crimes.

Amelia: We're not discussing Jason at all.

Diane: Let me be blunt. A man in Jason's line of work doesn't welcome media exposure of any kind.

Jason: Diane, we're not talking about me.

Diane: Fine. Let me remind you that Amelia wouldn't be the first producer to lie to her source to get the story that she wants.

Jason: Okay, I will -- I'll remember that.

Diane: Well, do, because you already have enough to deal with.

[Jason sighs]

[Door opens]

Jason: I'm sorry that you lost your father.

[Door closes]

Jason: But I can't let you hurt Sam.

Amelia: Looks like Sam found herself another sucker.

Amelia: The only difference between you and all the others is that you're younger and you had the good sense not to marry Sam.

Jason: You really think I'm not going to tell Sam what you're doing?

Amelia: If you're waiting for me to be upset about Sam's feelings getting hurt, I don't care.

Jason: Sam quits, you lose your show.

Amelia: Huh -- she won't quit. She's hooked. She may try to have me fired, and if she is successful, the show will tank. Either way, Sam loses, I win, and that leaves you, Jason, the biggest loser of all. Because this woman that you are so eager to defend, this murderer, is lying to you on a daily basis.

[Music plays]

Kate: This chicken is roasted -- with sauce.

Sonny: You said "chicken," didn't you?

Kate: I said "skinless, boneless, grilled, with no sauce, no salt."

Sonny: No flavor? I don't serve cardboard to my guests. The sauce has tomatoes, olive oil, a little bit of herbs, and I'm sure your size zero hips can handle it.

Kate: I'm a size four, but thank you for the vote of confidence.

Kate: It's not bad.

Sonny: What'd I tell you?

Kate: I'm going to hate myself in the morning.

Sonny: If you hate yourself over a piece of chicken, then you got bigger problems than your dress size. Now, it would go better with wine, but because of your injury, I don't want to --

Kate: Yes, I know -- my injury.

Sonny: You all right?

Kate: It's kind of swelling -- is that a good thing?

Sonny: Come here. Does that hurt?

Kate: No.

Sonny: No?

[Door opens]

Milo: Sorry, Mr. C -- ma'am. You might as well fire me now.

Diane: Not Kate Howard?

Sonny: Diane, please do not jump to conclusions. We're not doing anything here.

Diane: I'm a lawyer, and I go with the evidence. "And, yes, Your Honor, they were sitting very close together, they were practically touching, and she was wearing nothing but a shirt. Hang on -- his shirt." I rest my case.

Kate: As I've already explained more than once, Sonny and I are not involved.

Diane: Let me just give you a warning. Sonny has a long and troubled romantic history, and his latest wife is a forceful woman -- actually, she's a royal pain.

Kate: I am sadly all too familiar with Carly -- in fact, I hold her and her damn statue responsible for this entire situation.

Sonny: Diane, can you get to the point so you can leave?

Diane: Never mind. It can wait till tomorrow.

Sonny: Okay.

Diane: Sell your house next door -- take a loss if you must. Just get out while you still can.

[Door closes]

Sonny: That's your cue to go running to the door.

Kate: I don't run away.

Sonny: Since when?

Edward: I cannot believe that you were foolish enough to help Luke kidnap Laura.

Monica: Oh, I can. Tracy's become a hopeless romantic -- over Luke Spencer, of all people.

Alice: Well, Mr. Luke deserves someone that will treat him like a prince.

Lulu: My dad did not give Tracy a choice -- he was going to do it with or without her help -- she just improved his chances of succeeding.

Edward: Don't tell me that you're siding with your stepmother?

Lulu: Just this once.

Tracy: It's nice that somebody is.

Lulu: That doesn't mean that I should live here.

Tracy: Lulu, you need guidance.

Alan: Oh, my God, look who's going to be a role model.

Tracy: Shut up!

Lulu: Who are you talking to?

Edward: Uh -- don't ask, dear. Just a question as to whether any of us should be taking advice from poor, poor Tracy. Oh.

Monica: I've got to side with Edward this time, because, Tracy, you have been very strange ever since Alan died.

Alan: Look out, Tracy -- Father's definitely up to something.

Patrick: We're okay?

Robin: Are you kidding me? We're fantastic.

Patrick: Good. Because I don't -- I didn't hurt your feelings.

Robin: The only thing that hurt me is you didn't shut up soon enough and take me home. You can try and make up for it now.

Tracy: Isn't that better than cold pizza at your brother's house?

Lulu: It's my house, too.

Monica: If you are going to stay here, Lulu, you're going to have to do more than just hang around and go have sex with Dillon in the boathouse.

Edward: Monica, wash your mouth out.

Lulu: Wow -- we don't have that kind of relationship, and we never will.

Monica: Well, regardless, you're going to have to do something -- get a job or go to school -- this summer.

Alan: Tracy, stop staring at me -- Father's watching you like a hawk.

Tracy: What are you doing?

Edward: Oh, I was just about to ask you the same thing, dear.

Alice: Hey, everyone, the cake is ready -- and that bozo's back, too.

Lulu: Ugh --

Scott: All right, Edward, before you sic the exterminator on me, I'm here on official business. Tracy, you're under arrest. Cuff her and stuff her.

Officer: Tracy Quartermaine Spencer, you're under arrest for the kidnapping of Laura Spencer.

Patrick: I need to get a condom.

Robin: Why, because, God forbid, I might get pregnant?

[Music plays]

Kate: How was I supposed to know you peel an eggplant before you cook it? Oh, and the veal piccata -- oh, my poor father -- you should've seen his face. He was chewing and chewing -- and chewing. He was trying so hard to be supportive. It was my first attempt at a home-cooked meal -- and my last.

Sonny: Did you ever let him off the hook?

Kate: Um -- I finally burst into tears.

[Kate sighs]

Kate: He felt so awful. He said -- [New York accent] Sweetie, it's a good thing you're gorgeous, because you're never going to win a man in the kitchen. [Normal voice] I mean -- he would say that, he -- my father, he thought I was close to perfect.

Sonny: He was right, you are gorgeous.

Sonny: So, uh, Kate Howard doesn't cook?

Kate: I make the choice not to do that which I cannot perfect.

Sonny: But, see, that's giving up, and I believe that you can conquer the kitchen. All you got to do is try.

Kate: It was a lovely meal, Sonny, thank you. I am going to go up to my room now -- before someone else barges in and jumps to the wrong conclusion. Good night.

[Door opens and closes]

Sam: I see other women with babies and I immediately feel this pain and this anger, and I think to myself about -- about women like Elizabeth Spencer -- why can she have something that I can't?

Alexis: I get it, I do, I really do. After I -- I gave you up, I tried to bury every maternal instinct that I had, but you know what? It creeps up when you least expect it.

Sam: I understand that, but look, you're a mother, you have children, you have a career -- that's what I want. That's it.

Alexis: Okay, Sam, then you got to figure out a way to get what you want. So what's the problem?

[Sam sighs]

Sam: Jason. He's resistant to fertility procedures -- which is an excuse because the truth is he's really convinced that his life is too dangerous -- and I -- I know. I know you think the same thing -- you've told me a hundred times.

Alexis: I'm sorry, but it is true.

Sam: I just -- I don't buy it. If Jason had the chance to raise his own child, he would move mountains to keep that boy safe.

Alexis: It's interesting how you automatically assume that Jason would have a son.

Jason: I know Sam has secrets, so do I -- everybody does.

Amelia: Sam pretends to be all vulnerable when she's preying on a man, then she exploits his weakness. She met Jasper Jacks, she pretended to be adventure girl. Then she saw a bigger catch and she went after Sonny Corinthos.

Jason: That's not how it happened, Amelia.

Amelia: Honestly? Really?

Jason: Yeah.

Amelia: You think that pregnancy was an accident? Sam could sense that Sonny was heading back towards Carly, and it was a desperate attempt to hang on to him. But he left anyway, so Sam used her baby to trap you instead.

Jason: Okay, Sam loved her daughter.

Amelia: You loved her daughter, Jason. That's exactly what Sam was counting on -- that you would feel sorry enough to protect her, even marry her.

Jason: You don't -- you don't even know what the hell you're talking about.

Amelia: Sam is manipulating you, Jason. She is desperate to have a child so that she is forever tied to you. She is terrified that she's going to lose you to the mother of the child you already have. That's right, Jason. Sam knows that you are Jake Spencer’s real father.

>> On the next "General Hospital" --

Sam: If he had the choice, he would want a son.

Amelia: She's taking steps to hang on to you. Sam cannot stand you had a son with Elizabeth.

Jason: She is not the woman that you're describing.

Amelia: You have no idea who Sam is.

Sam: I'll do whatever it takes to be a family.

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