General Hospital Transcript Wednesday 3/28/07
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Elizabeth: Can I have a really big chocolate milk and a brownie, and then whatever Cameron wants?
Mike: Okay, you got it. Come here, big guy, come with me.
Elizabeth: Go with Mike, he's got something yummy.
Mike: Ooh -- boy, you're so big. Oh, boy.
Elizabeth: Hey. Cam and I are going to the park. You want to come with us?
Lulu: Uh -- that's okay. I'm really behind in my English class.
Elizabeth: Okay, I don't mean to push, but last night when Lucky and I invited you over for pizza, you decided to go for a walk instead.
Lulu: I needed exercise more than pizza.
Elizabeth: Okay, you're obviously angry or disappointed or something with me. Isn't it time you told me why?
Sam: I'm upstairs!
Jason: Oh, last night took longer than I expected.
[Knock on door]
Amelia: We meet again. I am thrilled that Sam took the job as the host of the expanded "Everyday Heroes," I hope you are, too. This is the place, ladies, come on. Let's see -- let's put the clothes right over there. Thank you, Kimberly. All right, go on ahead. Makeup, try to see if you can find the best light you can. Today we transform Sam McCall into the next big thing.
Patrick: Wow, you look considerably less green than usual.
Alexis: Stop, you flatter me. I'm here for some tests.
Patrick: Hmm. Hey, uh, how's Nikolas?
Alexis: Fine, I think. Why?
Patrick: Do you have any idea why he would need Robin to move in with him?
Alexis: Robin's living with him?
Patrick: Yeah, as of yesterday.
Alexis: That's strange.
Patrick: Yes, and it was very sudden.
Alexis: Nikolas doesn't do "very sudden."
Patrick: Neither does Robin. That's why I'm thinking there's something else going on.
Robin: Hi. How are you feeling after the ride?
Robin: Okay, good. No problems with coordination or shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat?
Nikolas: No, no. This poison that he gives me -- it's extremely efficient. I mean, I'm fine until I'm not, then I need the counteragent just to stay alive.
Robin: I wish we could get a sample of your blood to the lab.
Nikolas: I'm sorry you got pulled into this.
Robin: No, it -- it was bad manners for me to show up in the first place unannounced, asking to move in with you. I --
Nikolas: No, it's fine.
Robin: But, look, if you can use the help, I -- I'm glad that I'm here for you.
James: Aw. You know what? I had a rare moment of doubt, but now I think it's actually going to work. You're not going to ask me what? Where's your sense of curiosity, your sense of adventure and romance?
Nikolas: What will work?
James: Convincing everyone that you two have fallen madly and hopelessly in love.
Noah: I got the latest x-rays on Mr. Lang if you want to take a look.
Noah: You okay, Monica?
Monica: Uh, yeah. Yeah. It's just sometimes -- sometimes I can just feel Alan just right here.
Noah: Yeah, well, he must've heard about the latest policy in the E.R. I mean, turning away patients without medical insurance may be good business --
Monica: But it is bad medicine.
Noah: Yeah, yeah.
Noah: That's my -- my thoughts exactly.
Monica: I mean, Alan would never have tolerated this kind of callousness when he was Chief of Staff, and I guarantee you, when I take over, I won't, either.
Noah: Look, there's -- you know, there's a slight chance you might not take over. I mean, Russell Ford has a lot of support. I mean, what if he gets elected Chief of Staff?
Patrick: Robin and I have been negotiating our living arrangements.
Alexis: You've been fighting like George and Martha?
Patrick: Basically, yeah, but even when our fights are completely ridiculous, I usually know where her motivation's coming from, not this time.
Alexis: Now, you know that -- that Robin and Nikolas have been friends for a very long time?
Patrick: Yes, I understand that he saved her life coming from the Metro Court lobby -- I appreciate that -- but why move in so suddenly? It doesn't make sense.
Alexis: Is Emily living out there?
Patrick: Apparently not. I asked her, she said no. She won't give me any details. She said she has to live at Wyndemere, she has no choice.
Alexis: Nikolas has been acting strange, I admit that, so I'm going to go and I'm going to go check it out.
Patrick: I appreciate that.
Alexis: And in the meantime, send flowers, send chocolate, and a note saying that everything Robin does is right and everything you do is wrong, because we like that.
Patrick: I'll keep that in mind.
Alexis: You'll be holding hands again in no time.
Robin: Isn't it enough that you poisoned Nikolas? You forced me to move in here, and now you want us to fake a romance?
James: Well, Nikolas did leave intern Emily to fend for herself while he carried you out of the Metro Court lobby before it went boom.
Nikolas: You mean "before you blew it up."
James: Do you know what? It's very rude to correct one's guest during the middle of a conversation.
Robin: I don't think Emily minded that Nikolas carried me out of a building that was about to blow up.
James: Well, Emily�s nothing if not selfless and brave. Don't you two feel like dogs cheating on her like that? But you know what? Romance will blossom like roses on a bloodstained battlefield. And who knows -- your little masquerade might turn out to be the real thing.
Robin: I have to be at the hospital in 15 minutes.
James: You're free to go. Don't let our poisoned prince change your routine.
Robin: I'll check in with you later, okay?
James: Oh -- and one thing, Doctor. Should you feel the need to rebel once you've gained courageous distance at the hospital, remember -- I hold life and death in my hands.
Robin: I do it every day -- I'm a doctor.
James: She's an interesting core of fire, that one, don't you agree -- especially for someone so tiny. But enough speculation -- to work. Catch. What happened to your hand there?
Max: The place looks pretty good, considering your old boss, Mr. Craig, blew it all to hell.
Coop: If the plan is to keep my past a secret so Sonny can force me to work for him, maybe you should shut up about it.
Max: How long before you quit?
Coop: As soon as I get into the police academy.
Max: Well, then let's get something straight. You're becoming a cop to feed information to Mr. Corinthos. You screw that up, and you're dead.
Coop: Why don't you be a real soldier and enlist? Spend a little time in Iraq; then you can threaten me.
Maxie: This is for Ms. Stevenson in 418.
Scott: Hey, excuse me, I -- I saw the cops here yesterday. They weren't asking questions about Scott Baldwin, were they?
Coop: Why, Mr. Baldwin? Have you done something wrong?
Lulu: Scott Baldwin has been lurking around, acting like he has some big secret about my mom, and it's weirding me out.
Elizabeth: Do you resent me and Lucky?
Lulu: Uh -- maybe I'm just nervous seeing you guys so happy. You know, it's like asking for something bad to happen.
Elizabeth: Okay, but if you have a problem, you know you can just tell me.
Lulu: Why? You never tell anybody anything.
Elizabeth: What are you talking about?
Lulu: What am I talking -- Elizabeth, the time when I was pregnant and you gave me all that advice, and you didn't even mention that you were pregnant?
Elizabeth: Okay, I thought we were past all that.
Lulu: You made such a big deal about cutting Lucky out of your life. You wouldn't talk to him, you wouldn't listen to him, you wouldn't forgive him, and now all of a sudden you want to marry him. It's -- it's like a complete turnaround, just like that.
Elizabeth: Yeah, well, that night in the Metro Court really put things into perspective.
Lulu: So when something awful happens, are you just going to change your mind again? I mean, honestly, where does that leave Lucky? He's built his entire life around trusting you and believing in you, and he has given you his entire heart and his future and everything, all because of that baby.
Lucky: Look who's here! What's up, big guy?
Mike: Who is that?
Lucky: Three -- oh, well, make that four of my favorite people are here -- excuse me.
Lulu: It's not that big of a coincidence since our family owns the place.
Lucky: Well, somebody's in a cynical mood. Is that why you couldn't have pizza with your big brother?
Elizabeth: Yeah, I was trying to get her to go to the park with us and she said no, so do you want to come with us?
Lucky: Oh, I have a robbery I have to finish up on, but we're still on for noon, though.
Lulu: What's at noon?
Elizabeth: Our first childbirth class.
Lucky: Yeah, I'm going to learn how to coach Elizabeth to help bring our baby into this world.
Sam: What's going on?
Amelia: Well, we are starting the launch for you as the new host of the expanded version of "Everyday Heroes." That means a new look for you and the show -- we're designing all-new main titles. Two versions -- either "How To Be an Everyday Hero," or "A Training Manual for Everyday Heroes." Do you have a preference?
Sam: Not really.
Amelia: Well, I'm leaning towards "How Io Be," but we'll have to see how it tests. Uh -- in the meantime, we would love to get some footage here. You two make such a striking couple, and a live-at-home segment would be a good start.
Woman: Okay, handsome, a little liner and those eyes will pop like --
Sam: No! No. Don't even think about it.
Sam: Jason doesn't want any part of this.
Amelia: This is a visual medium; we have an image to sell.
Sam: And that image is me, not Jason, not my private life. There will be no pictures in this house of anyone except for me. If I see any-- anything on the internet -- any footage, anything connecting Jason to "Everyday Heroes" -- I walk. Are we clear?
Amelia: Like it or not, Sam, the audience is always interested in the man behind the woman.
Jason: Sam said no, and I agree with her. I really don't like cameras, so, please, just leave me out of this. I'm going to take off.
Sam: I am so sorry. This is the last thing you need.
Jason: No, no, it's okay. Don't worry about it. Just have fun with your new job.
Sam: Oh -- if I still have one.
Jason: If they get too obnoxious, just climb out the window again.
Sam: Stop it.
Amelia: You've had your first official diva moment.
Sam: Ugh. Ew. Does that mean I'm fired?
Amelia: Oh, nice try, but it's a little late to back out. I've got you right where I want you.
Patrick: Hey --
Patrick: You missed a consult on the frontal hematoma.
Robin: I'll review the records later, okay?
Patrick: Well, I guess your commute is taking longer than you expected, isn't it?
Robin: It's not your problem. I have something I have to do.
Alexis: How are you? Not so good, I see. What happened to your hand?
Nikolas: Oh. I suppose I should leave cutting bales of hay to the grooms.
Alexis: Did Robin bandage it up? I heard she's living here.
Nikolas: Some coffee?
Alexis: You're very charming when you dodge a question.
Nikolas: Thank you.
Alexis: No coffee for me -- I heard it stunts hair growth. Isn't it awkward having Robin here?
Nikolas: Why? There's plenty of room.
Alexis: Well, she's with Patrick, and last I heard, you were with Emily. So I'm your aunt -- let's not play cat-and-mouse. What's going on?
Coop: The cops were here about a purse-snatching.
Scott: Oh. Oh, good. Well, not that they'd be looking for me, but I -- I have a bit of a reputation in this town.
Coop: I'm afraid you lost me.
Scott: Well, it's just that some people are on some kind of a witch-hunt right now, but, you know, never mind. Thanks a lot.
Maxie: What was that about? Does he suspect you're involved with the blackmail?
Coop: I'm not involved anymore, remember? No, I don't -- I don't think he suspects.
Logan: You keep hanging out with Maxie instead of doing your job, no one's going to trust you when you recommend me as your replacement.
Maxie: Scott Baldwin was just here -- did you see him?
Coop: He's starting to crack.
Logan: Then it's time for the shakedown.
Coop: Leave me out of it.
Maxie: Are you okay now with making it look like Lulu's behind it?
Logan: What can I say -- we need the cash, Baldwin�s slime, he deserves to pay.
Spinelli: Oh -- most-relieved greetings, Stone Cold. God, I was afraid you were Mr. Corinthos, Sir -- he'd do the ooh thing.
Jason: Why -- why are you sitting at Sonny's desk?
Spinelli: I -- I need total privacy for this most crucial cyber maneuver.
Jason: What are you talking about?
Spinelli: The -- the proof? The -- the paternity test that proves that, you know, you and not Lucky Spencer are the father of Elizabeth Webber�s baby?
Jason: You didn't --
Spinelli: You said you wanted it to vanish, right?
Jason: You didn't delete the test when I told you to delete the test?
Spinelli: No, we were -- we were still debating it, you know, when -- when Sam interrupted, and I -- I wanted to wait, just in case you might've changed your mind?
Jason: Delete it.
Spinelli: Yeah, records are just, you know, kind of a -- a technicality anyway. I mean, if you -- if you didn't want to come forward, I'm sure Elizabeth would just admit to the baby --
Jason: Delete the test, Spinelli.
Jason: There's no other proof?
Spinelli: The Jackal guarantees that all traces to your impending fatherhood have been obliterated.
Jason: Okay, that's good. That's good.
Spinelli: Hey, I -- you okay?
Jason: Yeah, I'm fine.
Spinelli: Well, hey, look, um, you know, I'm still on the hospital mainframe if -- you know, if -- we could maybe pull down some of Elizabeth�s checkups or maybe even find some ultrasound footage of the baby -- you could see a picture of little Stone Cold.
Jason: No, no.
Spinelli: You sure? You know, because sometimes, you know, you can actually see on the ultrasound footage if it's -- if it's a boy or a girl, you know?
Spinelli: Wow -- what would you even call it if it was a girl, you know? I mean, not "little Stone Cold," obviously, but, I mean, maybe, you know, "The Awesome One" or -- or "The Miraculous One" or -- or "Lulu"?
Spinelli: Yeah, I mean, it's a -- it's a beautiful name, don't you think?
Jason: I'm not -- I'm not going to be able to name my baby, so I don't even know really why we're even talking about this, Spinelli.
Spinelli: You could.
Jason: I know that you're trying to help me, but you can�t. Okay, I chose to be with Elizabeth, we made a child. And now she asked me to give up that child, and I agreed, and I'm not sure how that's going to work, how I'm going to live with that. Of course I want to see a picture, I want to know if my baby's going to be a boy or a girl, but the more I feel connected to the baby, the harder it is for me to stay away from the baby. Okay, so just leave it alone for now, please.
Robin: Kavi? Hey. I just left a sample in your station. I need a full battery of tests. Test for anything and everything that you always think of that I never do.
Kavi: What would you do without me?
Robin: Hey, I need you to keep this really quiet and get me the results as soon as possible, okay?
Kavi: I'll get started immediately.
Patrick: So what's the emergency?
Robin: Uh -- it's just some research, don't worry about it.
Noah: Hey. I'm organizing opposition against Dr. Ford and his policy of turning away patients without medical insurance. Here's the petition. There's a meeting in the cafeteria in about two minutes.
Robin: I'll sign it, but I -- I can't go to the meeting, I'm too busy.
Noah: All right, see you there.
Patrick: So what's the rush, then?
Robin: I would rather not get into it, okay?
Patrick: Robin, what is going on with you and Nikolas?
Nikolas: Emily and I are taking a step back.
Alexis: I have trouble believing that. It wasn't that long ago -- the night at the Metro Court you were almost out of your mind when you couldn't go find her.
Nikolas: We just realized we needed to slow down, give each other some time.
Alexis: So how does that translate into Robin being here?
Nikolas: She needs some space from Patrick.
Alexis: So she comes here? This couldn't be less practical.
Nikolas: She -- she needed to disappear for a while, so --
Alexis: To spend some time with the dark prince? To get away from the maddening crowd and come to his castle --
Nikolas: Listen, I appreciate your concern, but you --
Alexis: I know, I know, I know, I know -- it's none of my business.
Alexis: I'm just saying that you -- you'd do yourself and Robin a favor by not getting into a rebound romance.
Nikolas: Point taken, Alexis.
Alexis: Okay. Are you okay? You really look awful.
James: That would be my fault.
Spinelli: Greetings, girlfriend.
Lulu: Stop calling me that.
Spinelli: I sense you are not one with the sunshine today?
Lulu: No, no -- not today, not yesterday, not the day before. The last time that I was happy was when my mom was here, and then even after that, proving that she didn't kill Rick Webber.
Spinelli: And I, The Jackal, proved that Scott Baldwin did.
Lulu: And then there was the hostage crisis.
Spinelli: Where you were strong and fearless -- a warrior princess.
Lulu: And finding out that my brother married a woman who is pregnant with another man's child.
Spinelli: Which, I, The Jackal discovered -- and tried to protect you from.
Lulu: Please, stop. No more "The Jackal."
Spinelli: Look, Stone Cold thinks what he's doing is right.
Lulu: Well, he's wrong to give away his kid and expect us to keep it secret.
Spinelli: No, it's -- it's our choice to keep this secret.
Lulu: What choice do I have? How am I supposed to tell my brother the one piece of information that will make his life explode and probably send him back to pills?
Spinelli: You almost did at the wedding.
Lulu: Yeah, yeah -- because maybe I should before Elizabeth does.
Spinelli: Look, Elizabeth -- she took the reformed one back. I mean, she truly believes that he's no longer jonesing for pills. I mean, she loves Lucky again.
Lulu: Unless she changes her mind.
Spinelli: Okay, put your heavy thoughts to rest, Blond One. Come on, come on, walk with me in the risen bounty of spring before the next ill wind blows a chill into your soul.
Mike: "Risen bounty of spring."
Spinelli: It's nice.
Mike: Yeah, well, listen, I'm about to "risen up" a fresh batch of chocolate brownies.
Spinelli: This guy --
Mike: "If" I see you anywhere near that batter, you're toast. Toast.
Spinelli: That was a little unwarranted and harsh.
Lulu: Proves my point -- there's always one more bad thing waiting to happen.
Elizabeth: Okay, one more -- that's it, baby, that's all I can do.
Jason: Mind if I swing him?
Elizabeth: Uh -- no. That'd be great, thanks.
Jason: Hey, bud, what's up? Hold on, okay? Hold on. Is this okay, you want to go higher? You do? Okay, hold on tight. Oh. There you go.
Jason: Good job.
Sam: I'm supposed to be an everyday hero. Not -- not this.
Amelia: Look, the people that watch television expect glamour and great hair -- you better get used to it. Yeah, those are both keepers.
Sam: Can you please explain to me what any of this has to do with surviving a dangerous situation?
Amelia: For people to learn, they have to tune in. In order to tune in, they need to like what they see. Women need to aspire to be you -- beautiful, smart, great hair, great clothes, strong enough to save yourself. Men -- they need to want to date you.
Amelia: They need to like how you look, how you talk. They need to say, "Wow, this looks like something that I could record," or even maybe "skip part of the big game in order to watch Sam tell me how to survive a hurricane." But you're the product, Sam. We're here to sell you, but it's not going to work unless you are willing to sell yourself.
James: I'm afraid I've been making Nikolas burn the midnight oil on this deal we discussed.
Alexis: Mr. Brosnan and I have already met while you were at Lucky's wedding.
James: Yes, I explained my tendency to get over the top.
Alexis: That being said, most of my nephew's associates don't move in during the duration of the deal, especially when there's a perfectly good hotel in town -- the Metro Court.
James: Well, you see, this deal requires complete confidentiality -- you understand, you're a lawyer. If any privileged information should slip out, it could poison the entire transaction. But I'm doing all the talking. Nikolas?
Nikolas: We're working to close the deal as quickly as possible.
James: Oh, will you excuse me? I'm sorry. Hello?
Nikolas: Ahem. What?
Alexis: How -- how long has this business been going on, this deal?
Nikolas: Oh, it's been about six months. It stalled out when Spencer was taken. Mr. Brosnan here is pushing to make up for lost time.
Alexis: Have you done a background check on him?
Alexis: He could be working for Helena.
Nikolas: Trust me; he has nothing to do with Helena.
James: Hold -- hold on. I'm -- I'm sorry to break the family meeting, but Nikolas needs to take this call now.
Nikolas: I'll call you later.
Alexis: I love you.
Nikolas: Love you, too, thank you.
Lulu: It would be so much easier if I could just hate Elizabeth for what she's done, call her out as a liar, and trust that my brother can handle the fallout.
Spinelli: I know, I know, but -- but you can�t.
Lulu: And Lucky was so awful to me last summer. It was like he was someone that I didn't even know. And I'd like to say that it was drugs and that was Maxie's fault, but that would be oversimplifying.
Spinelli: He must've been pretty out of control.
Lulu: Yeah, he was. Why do you think that?
Spinelli: I mean, I -- I know something went, you know, seriously wrong between Samantha and Stone Cold --
Lulu: She slept with Ric Lansing.
Spinelli: Oh, God. The D.A. of darkness? Oh, my -- that is -- ugh -- really dismaying.
Lulu: What, Jason didn't tell you?
Spinelli: No, he's -- he would never dis on his own Samantha, you know? He's -- even if she did sleep with someone that is so not worthy. But I knew something must've gone "really" wrong for him to turn to Elizabeth. I mean, no offense to your sibling or anything, but, I mean, he must've done something, you know, really regrettable for her to seek solace in Stone Cold.
Spinelli: Well, yeah, because, I mean, she's married, he's in love with Sam. It couldn't have just been a casual thing.
Lulu: Yeah -- no, I -- I think they were both in a lot of pain, but it's not -- it's not the sex that was wrong. It's -- it's the lies, especially about the baby. And I so badly want to do the right thing, but I don't know what that is, and I want to be able to trust that Lucky will be strong and -- and that he'll be able to handle it. But if I make a mistake and he goes back to drugs, I don't think that I can handle that.
Dillon: What did you do? What did you do?
Dillon: Don't -- don't lie for him. What did you do? What?
Lulu: Noth-- Spinelli said that he cares about me, and I don't feel the same way -- at least, not right now.
Spinelli: Which means there's hope.
Dillon: No, that doesn't mean -- she's trying to be nice to you, but the point is she doesn't have feelings for you in that way.
Spinelli: Uh -- Lulu and I share more than you know, okay?
Dillon: What does that mean?
Lulu: Um --
Dillon: Just out of curiosity, what exactly --
Milo: Lulu, I'm glad you're here.
Spinelli: Oh --
Milo: Listen, if you want to date all three of us, that's okay with me.
Spinelli: Oh, she -- I'm her boyfriend, okay?
Dillon: No, you're a friend who's a boy, and so are you. I'm the only one here that has an actual history with her, by the way.
Spinelli: Oh, that's kind of a glamorous way of saying you're trying to date your "sister," almost incestuous one.
Dillon: It wasn't incest, and it wasn't "almost" --
Milo: You had your chance.
Lulu: Okay, guys --
Spinelli: Game over, Film Guy!
Dillon: Oh, just because you know how to type on a keyboard and go on the internet doesn't mean you have --
Spinelli: I rule the internet!
Milo: I go to the gym every day, every day, and I'm trained in defensive tactics.
Spinelli: She doesn't need defending, dude.
Lulu: Okay, if -- maybe if I can just say something --
Dillon: Could you just hold on one second, one second? I'm an artist, which means that I actually have a brain, okay?
Milo: Oh -- oh, okay. How much can you press?
Dillon: 475,000. How much can you press?
[Mike bangs pot lids]
Mike: The lady's trying to say something. Let's show a little respect, okay?
Lulu: Thank you. I've made my decision. I'm willing to go on a trial date with all three of you -- separately, one at a time.
Sam: I -- um -- I want to do this. I really, really do. But this is all new to me, and it's just going to take some time to get used to.
Amelia: That's why we're here -- to defuse your look, make you appeal to our target audience. And, look, if you ever feel like it's all about how you look, then just keep telling yourself --
Sam: "They've got to tune in before they can learn anything" -- I got that part. Whew! Okay, all right. So what's next on the list?
Amelia: Segments. Your salvage experience is going to be great for a bit on diving emergencies, and we'll cover what to do in a fire, hurricane preparedness, maybe rock climbing.
Amelia: I've been thinking about a spot on women's self-defense -- how a small woman can fend off a large attacker -- by grabbing the nearest shotgun and blowing him away.
Woman: That'd be one way to do it.
Amelia: I'm kidding. Uh -- we need to teach women how to defend themselves without committing murder. And who else but Sam McCall, the perfect person -- smart, fearless.
Sam's voice: Get away from me!
Sam's voice: Leave me alone!
Man's voice: Lying slut, you're going to pay for what you did!
Amelia: Are you okay?
Sam: Yeah. I -- um -- I just -- I need a minute.
Jason: I'm just going to be right over there with your mom, okay? Are you all right?
Elizabeth: Yeah. Cameron used to get so upset when -- when Lucky and I would fight, and I just -- I don't want him to see me crying because I don't want him to think that something was wrong again.
Jason: Well, is something wrong?
Elizabeth: I guess I could blame it on my hormones. But just seeing you with him -- I mean, you're such a natural father, and you have every right to know this child, and to -- to think what you're giving up -- I --
Jason: This is what you wanted, right? Are you going to change your mind?
Elizabeth: Lucky and I just got remarried. We're happy.
Jason: Babies pick up on all kinds of emotions. They can't make sense of feelings. I don't want my child growing up with a mother who's sad all the time. If you -- if you can't handle this, let's just -- let's just tell the truth.
Elizabeth: I'm sorry, but sometimes people cry. It doesn't mean everything's falling apart, okay? I'm sure I made the right choice, and I am so grateful that you're allowing Lucky to be this baby's father.
Jason: I'm just trying to figure out the right thing to do.
Elizabeth: And I promise that I would give our child a loving and happy home, and that's what I'm going to do. Hey.
Lucky: Hey, did you hear? That purse-snatcher you busted was part of a credit-card theft operation that's been hitting senior citizens in hotels for the past year.
Coop: Oh. Just glad I could help.
Lucky: Well, Cruz Rodriguez said you're going to take the entrance exam for the academy? What, you want to be a cop?
Coop: Yeah -- if I pass the exam.
Lucky: Well, I'm glad to hear it. We need guys like you. It's hard to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys in this town.
[Lucky pats Coop]
Coop: I need to pass that exam.
Maxie: Well, with all your experience, it shouldn't be a problem.
Coop: That test is going to be all about red tape and police procedure. I mean, I could tank.
Maxie: Not if you have some help.
Lulu: One date each, and we will take it from there. Who knows -- you guys might want to ditch me.
Dillon: I don't think that's going to happen.
Spinelli: Blond One, never.
Milo: I should get the first date.
Dillon: [As Milo] I should get the first -- [Normal voice] I -- I spent, like, a week in a jungle, stranded with her. I think that counts for something.
Spinelli: We saved the Metro Court hostages from the vast conglomerate of doom -- I'm first.
Milo: And I'm a trained professional -- I can protect Lulu.
Spinelli: We went to her brother's wedding together.
Dillon: [As Spinelli] Well, I lived in the same house with her for a year.
Milo: Okay, arm-wrestle, arm-wrestle! Whoever wins gets the first date.
Dillon: [Normal voice] Milo, I think she has a little more respect for brains than she does brawn. Perhaps a trivia quiz, maybe?
Spinelli: Random number selection.
Milo: You'll rig the system.
Spinelli: What? The Jackal never cheats!
Dillon: How do we know?
[Mike bangs pot lids]
Mike: If I were Lulu, I'd dump the lot of you. But since she won't, we're going to do this the old-fashioned way.
Nikolas: Ja. Spasibo. There seems to be progress on your new identity. You and your brother as children immigrated from Russia to France.
Nikolas: From there, you moved to London. The rest of the details will be sent as they become available.
James: How long will it take?
Nikolas: At least a month.
James: Well, I imagine a good lawyer could speed things up. How convenient that there's already one in the family.
Maxie: I'm the police commissioner's daughter. I could practically recite every rule and procedure just from being around the house.
Coop: Which doesn't help me.
Maxie: I could get you the test.
Coop: How will you do that?
Maxie: Just leave it to me.
Coop: Are you sure? Because I have to pass that exam.
Maxie: Which makes no sense to me, but don't worry about passing the exam, okay? Consider it done.
Coop: Maxie, thank you.
Logan: Ahem. Sitting duck, 10:00.
Maxie: I have his email if you need it.
Logan: No, I got everything I need right here.
Mike: Ten pieces of paper, with the numbers one through 10. Highest -- highest number gets the first date.
Spinelli: Jeez --
Mike: Hey -- easy, easy.
Milo: Huh -- six. Six.
Dillon: Come on, baby. Eight.
Lulu: Oh --
Dillon: No, no --
Lulu: No, let him get his number.
Spinelli: Thank you. Two.
Dillon: Yes! Ha-ha. I think it's a sign.
Spinelli: Yeah -- that the best is always last.
Milo: You know, the middleman does pretty well in some lines of work.
Dillon: What are you looking at me for -- you threatening me?
Spinelli: God, you're always so paranoid -- God.
Lulu: All right, stop. Seriously -- seriously, no more competition over me every time you're around me. No more bickering, all right?
Milo: Sure. All right.
Spinelli: Anything for the Fair One.
Lulu: I mean it, really, or I'm not going out with any of you.
Milo: Yes, ma'am.
Spinelli: The Blond One has spoken. We will obey.
Jason: Sam, I'm back.
Sam: Hey. I am so sorry about the chaos earlier.
Jason: Hey -- uh -- it's okay.
Sam: I just -- I don't want any of this to interfere with our life, and -- and I want to make sure that you are okay with all of this.
Jason: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just a little tired right now.
Sam: And I'm really sorry about all those people barging in like that.
Jason: It's okay. Look, I'm -- I'm just happy you're excited, that's all.
Sam: Okay. Well, it's going to be really weird, I can tell you, being a -- product.
Jason: What -- what do you mean, a product?
Sam: Well, that's what Amelia called it. She said that she's got to sell the product -- me, and the show. So are you sure you can handle living with a product?
Jason: I think I'll be able to manage that.
Sam: Oh, good.
[Knock on door]
Sam: Get rid of them, please? Please.
Amelia: Is Sam around?
Elizabeth: Hey, hey.
Lucky: Dad reporting for duty, and I am ready to help bring this little child into the world.
Elizabeth: We are ready, too.
Robin: Kavi, how are the tests going?
Kavi: Nothing yet. Any idea what I'm looking for?
Robin: Uh, short answer, "no." My best guess is a compound of poisons.
Kavi: Any particular type?
Robin: Screen for venom -- that's the weapon of choice for snakes.
Nikolas: Alexis has cancer, she's in her second round of chemotherapy, she just lost her daughter in a custody battle. What -- what?
James: I'm interested in her qualifications as a lawyer, not her many heartrending travails.
Nikolas: But the more people who know about this, the more dangerous it becomes for you.
James: You are concerned about my welfare?
Nikolas: She's already suspicious of you. Robin's deeply involved, and not a good liar.
James: I expect her to improve. Otherwise, I'll do something to her boyfriend to give Robin one less person to lie to.
Nikolas: Which would obviously attract attention that you don't need.
[Knock on door]
Patrick: Nikolas, it's Patrick.
James: Won't this be interesting.
Nikolas: Patrick, come in.
Patrick: Why did Robin move in with you? I'm not leaving until you tell me the truth.
>> On the next "General Hospital" --
Carly: I want you both out of my hotel now.
Ric: He and his organization need to be stopped.
Sonny: It is time to make my brother pay.
Patrick: I'm supposed to believe she suddenly gave her heart to you?
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