>> Previously on "General Hospital" --
Scott: You made your decision. Is it because of Luke?
Laura: Yes, it is.
Bobbie: You're afraid she's about to marry another man.
Luke: I've never been afraid of anything in my life.
Helena: Your father is not dead in your heart.
Nikolas: Oh, my God!
Skye: I want your proxy.
Jax: For that, you stowed away on my plane?
Luke: Are you just going to sit there, or are you going to help me?
Nikolas: Well, what do you --
Luke: What, are you expecting somebody else maybe?
Scott: Hey, Bobbie? Bobbie, you around? It's me. Bobbie?
Bobbie: Hey, Scott. Hi.
Bobbie: Come on in, but stay out of my way because I'm kind of busy right now.
Scott: Oh, now, what kind of reception is that? I mean, come on. We spent a night in jail on a very little cot eating pumpkin mousse pie.
Bobbie: Hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I still maintain that we could have avoided that night in jail if you would have just paid that speeding ticket. Of course, I can't believe I missed my own Thanksgiving dinner. And then I came home and I had these cranberry spots splattered all over my wall. So, you want to help paint?
Scott: Wait, wait, wait. I know a little bit about grubby little handprints, you know. I raised Serena by myself, and I've found as a rule you've got to spot clean. No painting.
Bobbie: No, no, no. If that's true, then you know that cranberry sauce does not wipe clean, so paint is the only solution.
Scott: Yeah, but, Bobbie, see, when you pat, all of a sudden, you know, you put the color on there like, you know, see? Now, for example, it looks like it's going to match, but, you know, it looks like -- but when it dries, it doesnít. See, it's mud right now, which is pretty much what I am to you. My name is mud right now because of the Thanksgiving thing that I'm responsible for. I don't think I should be held -- so, listen, I got you a little present since you missed Thanksgiving, so here.
Bobbie: Oh. What is this? Scott. Is this the engagement ring you gave Laura?
Scott: Yeah, but, you know, go ahead, trade it in. Buy yourself a boat or something.
Bobbie: I'm so sorry. So this means --
Laura: Grace. Hi, it's Laura. Hey, I know this is very last minute, but guess what -- I actually have time for dinner tonight. Okay. Yeah -- no, no, no, that's all right. Of course not. Well, you know, we'll just keep on trying. All right. See you. B-bye.
Laura: Hello, this is Laura Spencer calling. Is Stacey still in? Thanks. Sta-- oh, okay, yeah -- no, no, no, run ahead. No, no, there are no problems, really. I was just calling to see whether or not you wanted to have dinner tonight, but we can do it another time. All right. Have fun. See you. Hello?
Elton: Oh, my! Quel mistake. I'm so sorry. I thought everybody had left for the evening.
Elton: Is Mr. Baldwin meeting you here?
Laura: No, he's not. Mr. Baldwin and I are sort of phasing down.
Elton: Oh, really? I didn't know. I'm sorry, what -- was this your choice? Hmm. Bummer. Listen, is there anything I can do for you? Hey, want to grab a quick martini? Come on!
Laura: How about dinner? Do you have plans for dinner?
Elton: Wow. I do actually have a date.
Laura: Oh --
Elton: But listen, I'll cancel.
Laura: No, no, no. Don't do that. Don't be ridiculous. We'll do it another time. Really, really, really. It's just that -- you know what? Lulu had a sleepover tonight, and my mom was going out to dinner, so I -- I don't know -- I was going take advantage of the moment.
Elton: Are you positive?
Laura: For a little peace and quiet. Positive --
Laura: Positive, positive.
Laura: And by the way, thank you very much for getting that taken care of for me.
Elton: Oh, listen, just something I picked up from the Shirley Temple auction. Listen, I'm going to run upstairs. I've got one errand to do. I have to turn off the copy machine, and then I'm going to walk you to your car, okay?
Laura: Oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine, Elton. Don't worry.
Elton: Oh, pish. You just park it there, lady. I don't want you walking out alone.
Laura: Aw. Thanks, Elton. Alone.
A.J.: Wow. I'll bet that set you back, huh?
Edward: A.J., stop sneaking up on me like that, and don't crowd me so much. Come on.
Edward: Hey, hey, hey.
A.J.: Black pearl necklace, Diamclasp. Elegantly sexy. Great pick. Too bad your one-night stand's partial to gold.
Edward: A.J., That is a Christmas present for your grandmother, and I will trust you not -- no, I won't trust you, but you better not ruin the surprise!
A.J.: Oh, speaking of surprises, I wonder how Grandmother will react when Janine shows up for Christmas dinner.
Edward: I don't know any Janine. Oh, unless you're referring to Skye's friend. And as I told you, that -- that woman is being dealt with -- something about an offer that is too good to refuse. And if she hasn't left town yet, she will and soon.
A.J.: Really? Well, I just had dinner with her. She sends her regards. You know, you sided with my worst enemy for nothing. See, your little Trixie is safely hidden somewhere even Sonny won't find. So go ahead, live in your fool's paradise while you can because reality's about to hit you smack in the face. Thanks to me, your loser grandson, and Skye, your bastard granddaughter.
Jax: Smell that.
Skye: You mean the stale beer or the burning fat or the swamp out in back? Oh, wait. I'm getting the smell of human sweat now.
Jax: The beer's not stale here, okay? And that is not fat burning, it is grilling and boiling.
Skye: Fine. I flunk the stench test. Can we go now?
Jax: You can go whenever you want. I'm here on a mission.
Skye: A mission? What are we doing in a place called Gulleysville -- not that you need to explain the name, mind you. I kind of assume it has something to do with the gulley we just landed in.
Jax: Listen, okay? You're here because you stowed away on my plane.
Skye: I had no idea you'd be going to Okefenokee Swamp.
Jax: That's in Georgia. We're in Louisiana.
Skye: Pardon me for confusing my swamps. So, what's the secret mission?
Jax: It's not one you could handle.
Skye: I can handle anything. Try me. I dare you.
Jax: The fact is you have invaded my privacy, so you're going to find out a few things about me I would prefer that never left this table. Okay?
Jax: Maggie Lynn!
Maggie Lynn: Now, why didn't you call me and tell me you were coming? Hmm.
Jax: How else am I going to find out if you're cheating on me?
Maggie Lynn: Oh, you're not cheating on me, are you?
Jax: No, this is my business associate, Skye.
Maggie Lynn: Well, what can I get you and your business associate?
Jax: Ah. Fried oyster poor boy, the crawfish --
Maggie Lynn: Fried, boiled, or steamed?
Jax: Fried. Catfish.
Maggie Lynn: Fried, boiled, or steamed?
Jax: Fried. And the shrimp.
Maggie Lynn: Fried, boiled, or steamed?
Jax: Fried. And a big basket of hushpuppies.
Maggie Lynn: And for you?
Skye: Something sterilized.
Jax: Try the gator, okay? And if you don't like it, then I suggest the frog legs. I dare you.
Skye: I'll have the frog legs and gator.
Maggie Lynn: Fried, boiled, or steamed?
Maggie Lynn: And to go with that, hushpuppies or fries?
Jax: Best hushpuppies in the world.
Skye: What are hushpuppies?
Jax: They're -- it's fried bread, okay? She'll have the hushpuppies.
Maggie Lynn: Hmm. Iced tea, water, or beer?
Jax: How's the water been lately?
Maggie Lynn: Huh. You wouldn't want to drink it.
Jax: I'll have the beer.
Skye: Would that be the same water that's in iced tea?
Maggie Lynn: Mm-hmm. Okay, one iced tea. I'll be back with your pickles and hushpuppies.
Skye: Oh. Well, I guess for dessert, everyone around here has a heart attack. So, what's the secret mission? That trailer trash?
Jax: That woman happens to work 12 hours a day, six days a week, but, no, Maggie Lynn is not my mission. I came for food that you can't get anywhere but here.
Skye: Wait a minute. My life is on hold so you can eat greasy food instead of helping me with serious business?
Jax: Food is serious business to me.
Skye: You jerk!
Scott: You see, I had it all worked out, you know? I thought that we were going to have this future that we kind of got robbed of a long time ago. You know, we were going to have some more kids maybe, raise the kids that we got. I was going to have this wonderful life. It was going to be -- I'm going on the same loop that keeps going around in my head here, so just stop me, all right, and tell me how do I just get over her now?
Bobbie: I don't know. I wish I could give you some kind of a miracle cure. But you know, it's going to get better. I mean, tonight's probably as bad as it's going to get and then tomorrow is going to get a little better and then the day after that? The day after that's going to be an improvement.
Lesley: What on earth is going on here?
Laura: Oh, Mom. Oh! Could you get the door? It's so cold.
Lesley: Oh, okay.
Laura: Thank you. Oh! What are you doing here? I thought you were having dinner with Audrey.
Lesley: I was just getting ready to leave. What made you decide to buy the tree tonight?
Laura: I don't know. I -- I saw it. It was so pretty, I just thought, you know, it'd probably go quickly, so I grabbed it.
Laura: Hi, sweetie.
Lesley: Look at this.
Lesley Lu: You told me I could pick out the Christmas tree.
Laura: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. You're right, I did. I -- do you like it, though?
Lesley Lu: Yeah.
Laura: You do? Oh, good.
Lesley: It's a great tree. Come on, sweetie. Come help me. We're going to make some space over here. I tell you, I am a magical grandmother. I don't know how it happened, but just this morning, I said to myself, "Self," I said, "let me get some of these decorations down from the attic."
Lesley: You're not going to decorate the tree tonight with Scotty, are you?
Lesley Lu: Are you still marrying Scott?
Laura: Come here, baby. Scotty is a wonderful, wonderful friend of mine. And I love him a lot, I really do. But, no, I'm not going to marry him.
Lesley Lu: Why don't you marry Daddy?
Nikolas: Can I ask what the hell you're doing?
Luke: I'm calculating how many yards of cement it'd take to plug this hole. I'm happy to report there ain't enough concrete in the universe. That is a one-way highway to hell. What are you doing here? Erecting a tombstone? Maybe building a shrine?
Nikolas: What if I like the shrine idea? That's what people do for their parents, right?
Luke: Well, some people should've never been born, let alone allowed to breed.
Nikolas: You know, Luke, you might want to watch what you say because one unexpected move, one tiny shove and I could send you right down there in that dark hole where good old Stavros, I'm sure, is waiting there for you.
Jax: Mmm. How's the gator?
Jax: I told you you couldn't handle it. You mind?
Skye: Help yourself.
Jax: Thanks. Mmm -- oh. You don't know what you're missing.
Skye: Actually, I do. At the moment, Sonny and my grandfather are probably dotting their Iís and crossing their Tís on their new alliance together while A.J. is desperately trying to track us down having no idea that we're in the middle of some godforsaken swamp that no satellite would ever dare cross over.
Jax: We're not in a swamp.
Skye: I can't believe that I am stuck in the middle of this hellhole with a smug, spoiled billionaire who's eating gator.
Jax: Look, if you want to leave, that's fine. I'm sure there's a bus that stops out front, you know, every couple of days. But if you're going to stay, I suggest you change the subject because you're starting to bug me, okay, and I don't like being bugged when I'm eating. In fact, I don't like being bugged at all.
Skye: Why you arrogant little --
Jax: Yes, I'm arrogant. I do what I want, when I want. And I don't ask permission from anyone, especially stowaways with entitlement issues. Mmm. Look, I come here to get away from headaches like you, okay, so, please.
Skye: So, what else do you like to do, hmm, when you can't sit still long enough to consume lard with swamp creatures?
Jax: I like to dance. Yeah. I like to dance -- in fact, I feel like dancing right now.
Skye: Huh. I wouldn't dance with you right now if you paid me by the step.
Jax: Did you hear me ask you?
Edward: This -- this viciousness, this going for the jugular -- I never thought you had the knack.
A.J.: Why, take a bow. Got it from you.
Edward: Who would know that you had such a mean streak? Oh, you're reckless and careless -- everyone knows that. You're petty and self-serving, dishonest, self-pitying. That's old news to me. But this ruthlessness -- oh, it comes as a total surprise, and I like it. I can -- I can make it work, hmm?
A.J.: Wake up. Will you? The rules have changed. You see, I'm not here for you to use anymore, Grandfather.
Edward: Exactly. That was boring for me and nonproductive for you. Now, I want you to take your new edge and deploy it to get anything you want from this world. Not just from the world -- from the Quartermaine family. And not just this family -- from me. You see, A.J., a man who knows what he wants and goes after it can have power and respect, even affection -- not to mention the top job at E.L.Q.
A.J.: Been there, done that. Won't go back there again, Grandfather. I brought you your grandson. In exchange for what? You know, when I think back, I can't pinpoint which meant more to me -- E.L.Q. or Michael. I'm not proud of that.
Edward: A cold eye, at last. And cast on yourself. That is a level of maturity that most people never reach, A.J. You're at a crossroads right now. Now, down one path is the world at your feet.
Edward: Down the other is your newly discovered and self-serving sister. Now, Skye has an agenda, A.J. She may be your ally now, sure, but what are her long-term plans for you, huh? When she gets backed against the wall, how quickly would she sell you out?
Luke: Well, so who are you today, Nikolas? The righteous avenging angel or did you finally decide you actually are a chip off the old brimstone?
Nikolas: Well, you've referred to me as so many things, Luke. Why don't you just refresh my memory?
Luke: Oh, I don't know. I got a million of them -- "Demon Seed," "Son of Satan," "Omen Boy."
Nikolas: So here we are alone for the first time. Anything could happen and no one would know. I could send you right down to the dark side down there and -- that thought crossed your mind, Luke?
Luke: No, it hasnít. I've had important things on my mind.
Nikolas: Sure you have. You're just one cool cat, aren't you?
Nikolas: But you just can't answer that one burning question -- am I really like my father? Scary thought, isn't it? Well, you could make a guess, but you just can't quite be sure. Confusing, don't you think?
Luke: Nikolas, my boy, we find the faults in others that are the closest to our own.
Laura: You know what, honey? Daddy will always be a part of our family -- always, no matter what. But Mommy's not going to marry anybody right now. You know? And why should I? I mean, we're happy just the way we are, aren't we?
Lesley Lu: I am.
Laura: Yeah. Me, too. Chicks together.
Lesley: Chicks together!
Lesley Lu: Boys on the side!
Lesley: Okay, sweetie, go run up and get your backpack --
Lesley Lu: Okay!
Lesley: Because I'm supposed to drop you at Ally's in, like, five minutes.
Lesley Lu: Okay.
Laura: Scoot along, honey. You know, Ma, I can take her.
Lesley: It's around the corner from Audreyís. So, you said no to Scotty? How'd he take it?
Laura: Like the incredible person that he is. He was so hurt. I really feel terrible. What? What is it? Say it.
Lesley: Oh, there's a little part of me that wishes that you loved him because he is such a wonderful guy.
Laura: I do love him. I do. But --
Lesley: But you don't love him the way you loved Luke or love Luke?
Laura: If I could just put the two of them together. You know what? You better go on along. I need to stop thinking about this for a little while.
Lesley: I can reschedule with Audrey, you know?
Laura: No, no, no, you go.
Lesley: I could stay here.
Laura: I would like to have some time to myself. I really would. I'll unpack all of the decorations and stuff. I'll give the tree some water. And, Lulu, I promise I won't decorate the tree until you get back home, okay?
Lesley Lu: Okay.
Laura: Where's your jacket? Put it on.
Lesley: I love you a lot.
Laura: I love you. Okay, honey. Listen. You have fun over at Ally's house, and after you have breakfast in the morning, you give Mommy a call and I'll be right there to pick you up.
Lesley Lu: Okay.
Laura: And, Lulu, if you change your mind and you want to come home early, you just call Mommy, all right?
Lesley Lu: Okay.
Lesley: Okay, sweetie, let's go, let's go! The train is leaving. Come on.
Laura: I love you, Lulu.
Lesley Lu: I love you, too, Mommy.
["Silent Night" plays]
["First Noel" plays]
["Deck the Halls" plays]
Laura: Whoa! Oh, oh, oh! Oh.
Laura: Shut up!
["Deck the Halls" plays]
Laura: Christmas tree stand. Where is that?
Laura: I need that part.
Nikolas: So you're a shrink now. A mind reader? So where'd you train, the Spencer Blues and Sensitivity Center? Huh?
Luke: I don't do sensitivity. Don't, won't, canít. Bores me. And I'm not a mind reader, either, but I can read the road map of my experience because it's carved in my hide. I'll tell you what you are, my friend. You are what you do. You are the choices you make. So you can climb your family tree and look in every branch. Count all the loonies. You can wait for yourself to flip out or you can just stand in the mirror 24/7 and wait for your bicuspids to sprout fangs. You do have a reflection in the mirror, don't you? And you check it?
Nikolas: Yeah, I'm watching a mirror waiting for my fangs to pop out.
Luke: Good. I'll give you 10 cents worth of advice, even though you haven't asked. Question everything. Trust nobody. Test, question, verify. Because people will lie to you. "Crime doesn't pay"? Who says? Crime pays big time, especially if you're willing to live with the consequences, the toll it takes. Oh, this is one I like. "Love is blind." Love ain't blind. Love sees everything, warts and all. And I guess my favorite is "The best things in life are free." What a lie. Nothing's free. Everything's got a price tag. You just have to decide what it is you're willing to pay for and what it is you ain't willing to pay for. And in the end, the choices you make, you got to live with them. You can't go back. The past is dead and gone. You can't buy it, steal it, or love it back. And then in the end, life is over. We all end up dying alone. So in that sense, your old man was no different than me, you, or anybody else. Stay here. I'll be right back.
Luke: Want to give me a hand with this?
[Bayou music plays]
Maggie Lynn: Oh, you got a little move. Not bad.
Jax: No problem. Thanks.
Maggie Lynn: Oh.
Skye: All right. All right. You've eaten. You've danced with the local trash. When can we leave this hovel?
Skye: Oh, thank God!
Maggie Lynn: Honey, do you need a doggy bag?
Skye: No, thank you.
Jax: Okay, so which way was it again? A left or a right out the front door?
Maggie Lynn: Left, about a quarter mile up the road.
Jax: Thank you.
Skye: What is a quarter mile up the road?
Jax: The motel.
Skye: Excuse me?
Jax: Oh, yeah. We're grounded in Gulleysville for the night.
Maggie Lynn: Here you go, honey. Here's your change.
Jax: Thank you. See you later.
Maggie Lynn: Ooh.
Skye: I am not spending one night in this place just so you can sleep with a waitress!
Jax: Would you lower your voice?
Skye: Well, I am not staying here!
Jax: Fine. The bus stops out front every other day, okay? But if you hear a rustling in the grass, I suggest you climb up something because the gators, they like to come out at night and feed. See you.
Skye: Well, well -- would you wait? Please? Wait!
Bobbie: Two hot chocolates coming up. One for you, one for me.
Scott: Hey, I haven't had this much fun since I painted my Aquaman statue. This will make me feel better.
Bobbie: Well, that's good because, you know, if you want to wallow and feel sorry for yourself, you can go to Kellyís or The Grill. If you want to stay here, you got to paint.
Scott: Aw, come on, Bobbie. Cut me some slack here, for crying out loud. I'm supposed to be out planning my honeymoon, you know, down in the Caribbean with the girl I've been in love with since I was in college.
Bobbie: Yeah, well, I'm not supposed to be painting, either, you know. I'm supposed to be married, happily, to the man of my dreams, for years. And we got four kids. And we've got two dogs. And all of them wipe their hands and their feet before they come in the door. So, you know, where's my perfect life and my perfect family, okay? Oh, my God, they're not here? Well, shall we just, like, sit around and feel cheated because things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to?
Scott: Well, I was cheated. I was cheated out of my marriage 20 years ago and now I try again, and I --
Bobbie: Scott, you rushed into it. Laura wasn't ready and you knew it. So think about it. Maybe you could analyze that while we paint. Because the truth is -- look, maybe it's a good thing. If Laura doesn't love you the way you want her to, then it's better to find out now, before you get the hopes and the dreams, your children all built up. You plan a wedding, you buy a house together, you connect your lives, and then, what, the whole thing just fizzles out?
Scott: Yeah, but, you know, my philosophy is that you got to go out on the limb because that's where the fruit is, you know? You got to be on the edge. You got to take risks in life.
Bobbie: And what if the person Laura really wanted all along was Luke?
Scott: Nah, give me that.
Nikolas: You got it?
Luke: I got it. Okay.
Nikolas: Got it?
Luke: Watch your fingers! That ought to hold him.
Luke: What's up? Something I said?
Nikolas: I don't know. Something just kind of -- just came over me. I don't know what it was.
Nikolas: Yeah, I guess that's what it was. So, Luke, you want to go get a drink or something maybe?
Luke: You want to have a beer with me?
Nikolas: Well, why not? There's a first time for everything, right?
Luke: Yeah. Why not? I have something I promised myself I'd do first, but why don't you go over to Jakeís and order us a pitcher?
Nikolas: You got it. Oh, Luke -- it's been fun. You know that? It's been fun. See you.
Luke: See you. It's been fun. All right, you freeze-dried bastard, I'm still the last man standing. And I dance on your grave.
Luke: Whoo-whoo-whoo! Ha-ha! I dance on your grave!
Laura: Oh. I want to get out of here.
Skye: How can we be having equipment problems? I was in the co-pilot's seat on that plane. I saw it land safely. Admit it. This isn't about mechanical problems. This is about punishing me. You want to torture me by making me spend the night in the middle of this swamp rather than get me home!
Jax: You know what? I would rather sleep in the swamp than spend another moment with you. That man who approached me owns the airfield. He landed shortly after we did and noticed that I had a problem with my left tire. He kindly offered to make a run to New Orleans to pick up a replacement. Can we take off with the one that's on the plane? Yes. But can we land safely? Can we? Also, a good pilot doesn't fly with alcohol in his system. The truth is, I didn't plan on leaving tonight anyway. And I don't care what you think because you're not even supposed to be here! You know, to call you insufferable, that would be kind. You're unspeakably rude and narrow-minded, not to mention hostile and tediously one-note. And you completely lack charm. You know, to sum it up, you are uniquely unlikable. It's no wonder your whole family despises you. And say what you will about Edward, at least he's entertaining.
Edward: I must admit that Skye has done something very worthwhile. She has brought out the steel in your soul. Now sharpen that steel into a fine-honed blade and cut Skye loose and run E.L.Q. yourself. I'll give you a contract. No summary dismissals, none. You will be safe.
A.J.: I'll pass.
Edward: A.J., all this time you have considered yourself such an outcast in this family. Now's your chance to change all that, to become not only accepted but admired and respected, even catered to, huh?
A.J.: I've waited my whole life to hear those words from you. I'd have jumped through hoops of fire. And here it is, at my fingertips, everything you've withheld. But suddenly I realize that you haven't been holding back, old man. You're empty. You have absolutely nothing to give.
Man: Well, what do you think?
Laura: I think it's beautiful.
Man: Happy holidays.
Laura: Happy holidays.
Luke: Oh! Oh. Oh. Oh.
Skye: Go away.
>> On the next "General Hospital" Ė
Carly: Why are you so interested in me all of a sudden?
Zander: You sell yourself short.
Ned: I do have one question.
Kristina: Ask anything.
Luke: Where's Baldwin?
Laura: Why do you ask me that?
Jax: What's going on here, Skye?
Skye: Sonny deserves to be punished for what he did to me.