GH Transcript Monday 11/27/97

General Hospital Transcript Thursday 11/27/97

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(This has no names; we will add them)

[Gasp] Oh, good. Oh, good. Dessert. You brought dessert.

You're dressed.

Yeah, of course I'm dressed. What are you talking about?

No, I mean, your clothes. I thought they'd be covered in flour, with your elbows in turkey guts and a house full of smoke.

Ok. Listen. There is something that has happened. And you know, the more I think about it, I really realize that it's completely your fault.

In fact, the house doesn't smell like anything at all.

I mean, you are the one, if you remember, who picked out the turkey, right? Remember, you said it was so perfect and everything.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, you didn't happen to notice one little problem. That turkey is too big to fit in my microwave.

I don't think people cook them in microwaves, brenda.

Jax, I'm not an idiot. Of course, I'm not going to try and cook it in the microwave. But I needed to defrost it. People defrost turkeys in microwaves, right?

Oh, brenda.

Look, I tried everything. I even sat it in front of the fire. That didn't work.

You left it in the freezer overnight?

Yes. Because I made the stuffing last night. Amazing stuffing! And the instruction says to put it inside the turkey. So I did. But then I was thinking I didn't want anything to go bad, so i thought I should put it back in the freezer. 'Cause I was just going to defrost it today. I also made the black cranberry sauce last night. Ruby's recipe.

Black?

Yeah. Well, the berries are red at first. But then ruby told me to simmer them until they gel. What? She said to simmer them till they gel. And... I don't know. It seemed like it took forever. Especially since I didn't really understand what gel meant. So I took a bath. And then when I came out...

I think dinner is in a little bit of trouble tonight. What do you keep looking for out there?

Oh, come on. I'm looking for the turkey and all the trimmings that I know is coming.

I think calling a caterer is a very sensible thing.

Well, as much as I hate to admit it, so do I. So what time are they coming?

Oh, there you are.

Please, don't start. Holidays make me tense. What do you think costs more? An airplane or a car like that?

Well, you don't really mind that much, do you?

A lot of good it would do if I did.

Hello?

Hi.

Oh, my. Those are really beautiful.

Yeah.

You'll make a lovely centerpiece.

Aren't you freezing?

Yes. As a matter of fact, I am. Let's go inside.

Hello.

Oh, hello. Welcome, nicholas.

Here you go. Happy thanksgiving to you, mrs. Hardy. And thank you for having me.

Oh, just like the pilgrims. Bring gifts to the natives and then kill them and take everything they own.

Well, these will go right on the table. Any sign of gatsby?

Oh, no, grandma. I think he's gone for good this time. But think of it this way, you'll have no more cat hair on the sofa or little paws walking over you at night or flesh wounds in the lap.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, would you get that, elizabeth? It's probably the juvenile authorities come to take you away.

She's in way too good of a mood.

[Chuckling]

Hey.

Did you lose something?

Oh, for heavens! Look what the cat dragged in.

Jason.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hey. It's ok.

So bet you didn't expect to see me. You live here now?

Uh, I sleep here. And how'd you know?

Well, the lady at jake's said that she'd be forwarding your mail here. If he ever gets any, she said.

Yeah, well you can tell her i got 2 sweepstakes things and something about princess diana's collectors' plates. Do you collect plates?

No. But you might want to collect one at least.

Want some?

Uh, no, thanks. Um... as long as you're eating pizza, why don't you come have thanksgiving dinner with us?

What's wrong with mario's? They're open every single day of the year. At least the pizza's semi-warm when it gets here.

Monica, this is thanksgiving and it has to be special. Here's a place we haven't tried. Give pizza a chance.

The gourmet place, very good.

No, no, no. Excuse me. I want a traditional thanksgiving pizza. I don't want something that's made out of spinach.

Look, everyone! Look who's here.

Hi.

Hi.

Happy thanksgiving.

Hi, coz.

How are you?

Did disaster strike already? I knew I should of picked up those turkey sandwiches.

I don't know why we should wait. It's inevitable. Let's just call up all the pizza places in town. We'll get something sent over. Then they can all close up, send their employees home.

You know, it is such a beautiful day out. Why don't the two of you take a walk?

Uh, mom, I just got here. But if I could get a few moments alone with you later.

[Woman screams]

No!

Oh, dear.

That was not our turkey barking.

Allen, maybe cook's finally managed to murder your father or vice versa.

Get back here, you rotten mutts!

Hey you guys.

You'd better hide. And I hope you're both good and sick.

Annabelle, what's the matter, huh? Oh, wow. What's with your breath?

Little ms. Garlic mashed potatoes. And that one--that one must've lapped up 2 pints of gravy.

Allen, mario's promises to deliver within one half hour or we don't have to pay.

Put the phone down. I've taken care of everything.

Oh, tell it to the mashed potatoes. Justice, keisha, what kind of pizza would you like?

Well, I made plans for every contingency. And nothing is going to prevent us from celebrating a quiet, pleasant, uneventful family thanksgiving.

Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go ok. So technically, it's monica's house. But I know how you hate to be reminded.

Happy thanksgiving.

Happy thanksgiving!

Bobbi, it's your annoying neighbors.

Felicia, ignore him and come in. I'm in here setting the table.

All right. Come on, let's come in and take our coats off.

They brought pets. I don't think the big one's been neutered. See, this is foster. But I call him skillethead. Because of this flat spot here, he can balance a frying pan on it. He does it. Lucky taught him to do that. Anyway, he won't bite you unless you bite him first, right? But if he drools on you or something or gets a little annoying, just send him out to play in traffic.

Foster's sure ugly, huh?

He tried to eat mrs. Hardy's cat for thanksgiving. But lucky saved him and took him home.

Hey, foster, you want to eat georgie instead?

Mmm! Would you mind putting them in the kitchen?

My pleasure.

They look and smell wonderful.

Oh, thanks. I put the rolls in the oven 5 minutes ago. Anything else you want me to take downstairs?

Actually thanks, but I think we're fine.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, that's ruby and amy, would you let them in for me?

Did you make it?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, she--you made it just like laura makes it with molasses.

Molasses.

Yeah.

We've only gone through

[Indistinct] Like twice today.

I'm surprise the [Indistinct] Didn't take over the phone company.

Believe me, if stephan had thought of it...

Hello. Dr. Bro ex-in-law. Carly.

Dad!

Hey, big boy!

Well, hi. Come on in.

Thank you.

[Captioning made possible by soapnet] She changed her dress three times,

So who's room was that again?

Uh, nobody'S. It was sonny's

But he's not here.

Right.

So how come you don't use it?

Uh, you know, I like it down here. It's closer to the kitchen.

So is it true that your windows are bulletproof?

Yeah, it is.

You're not coming to dinner, are you?

Uh-uh.

'Cause you hate everyone but lila.

Emily, I don't hate anybody.

Right. Stupid idea.

Emily, it wasn't stupid. It was very nice of you.

Then why don't you come?

Would you like a seltzer?

Please.

Reginald says that cook is upstairs packing. Is that true?

See what you guys did?

Ah, she always slams doors. It doesn't mean anything.

Nick, you should've told us that you were bringing a guest.

However poor my manners are yours are worse.

Oh? How mannerly was it of the cassidines to steal our indonesia holdings?

Alexis is not responsible for her cousin.

Enough. Ms. Davis has been a welcomed guest in our house many times. And she's certainly welcome today.

Well, responsible or not, we still know under who's roof she sleeps every night.

That would be yours, edward. I'm staying at the port charles hotel.

She and stephan have had a parting of the ways, which is none of anyone's business. It's thanksgiving. And I have invited her to celebrate it with me. And there's nothing more to say on the subject.

Lime?

Thank you.

You are gonna be begging for a double gin in about 20 minutes.

Oh, did somebody think to take the turkey out of the oven?

A turkey actually made it the oven?

Uh-oh. If we've got a bird in the oven, it's either on fire or it's been poisoned. I've got to call mario'S.

Don't you even touch that phone, allen. I told you I've taken care of everything.

This man hasn't taken care of a thing since the day I was born. There's more than enough evidence to prove that.

I am the head of this family eh--and it's my place to order the pizza, which I did.

You mean, we're giving up on our turkey dinner without a fight?

Indeed we are not. Now, if all goes well, after dinner we're going to all pile into the limo and take the pizza down to the homeless. Won't that be fun?

[Doorbell rings]

Uh, excuse me. Guess what just arrived.

A-ha!

Oh, boy.

[Dog barks]

Now, now, now. Not very polite.

What'd you get?

Wow, look! Socks with turkeys on 'em.

So I see.

Can I go put 'em on?

Sure, you can.

Wasn't that foster we saw running down central avenue?

You said he could go play in the traffic.

You let the dog out?

Oh, that's all right. Probably searching for lucky.

Can we go watch lucas change his socks?

Uh...

Just don't get too close.

Ok. Come on. Wait. Don't put them on yet! Wait for us.

Do you realize how weird you are?

We just wanted to come by and wish you happy thanksgiving. And I wanted to give lucas his traditional turkey-themed gift.

Well, obviously he loved it. You don't have to rush off, do you?

Actually, we're going out.

Oh, well, take a look around. You're out. So would you like to stay for dinner?

It was very nice of you to ask us, thank you.

Yeah, thank you. But really, we can'T.

Why not? There's plenty of food.

Well, uh, you know, you have plans. And we have plans.

Actually, I really had planned to invite you earlier. I'm sorry. I just...didn'T.

Well, we have this reservation anyway. And we've had it for a long time. They're really hard to get on thanksgiving.

Barbara, they have reservations.

Look, you know me. I'm polite. But only to a point. I'm not saying this just to be nice. I really think it's time we set some precedents. Our children are going to be siblings. And that means we're going to be family, whether we like it or not. And your child is going to be as welcome in this house as I know lucas is going to be in yours. So if we want them to spend holidays together, then I think we're going to have to get used to doing that too. I think we could use a little practice. Don't you?

Oh, you're right. Of course we'll stay.

[Doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Thank you.

There's apple cider and there's punch. It's not spiked but it's spikable.

Well, thank you very much, barbara. Now I won't be able to chew the bird. I'll be so busy grinding my teeth over the stray you invited to the table.

Stop.

Thank you.

Mom, look who's here.

Hello.

Hello there, come on in.

Hello.

My sister-in-law.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Happy thanks... giving.

Amy, I love you, but don't start. I don't want to hear it. Not today.

Ahh.

Hi, lou. Happy thanksgiving.

Brenda, I asked you if you wanted to cook. And you said that you were sure.

I know. I was sure. You know, and I tried really hard. I did. But the whole time I knew you had a plan b, because you always do. Especially where your appetite's concerned. And I just, you know, even when I used to make us toast in the morning when we lived together, you always ordered croissants just in case.

Brenda, you can stop watching for the caterers and the string quartet. Because all I have is the chocolate torte. And that's it.

Are you serious?

As you well know, I never joke about food.

Wow. Well, we'll just go out.

Ha. Yes. Where exactly? You know, the few places that are open tonight are bound to be packed.

So we'll wave some money under the maitre'd's nose.

What? Take a table from someone who had the sense to reserve one in advance? I don't think so. You said that you were going to cook for me, and that's what you are going to do.

Yeah, but--

And I'm not having any black cranberry sauce either. What do you got in the house besides frozen turkey?

Um, I have ketchup.

Gram, don't you think it's amazing that gatsby found his way all by himself to lucky's aunt's?

Oh, not at all. Gatsby once sent me a postcard from chicago. I can't seem to convince him he lives here.

You know, the problem was that my dog was at aunt bobbi's also. And see, he has this thing about cats. He thinks they're just rugs trying to run away. So he keeps trying to make them lie down real flat.

Thank you so much for bringing him back. Uh, nicolas, do you have any pets?

Uh--

He has horses.

Yeah.

You know what? Aunt bobbi said dinner's at 7:00.

[Dog barking]

Kind of--kind of sounds like foster. But... what would he be doing here?

[Cat yowls]

Well, bye, mrs. Hardy.

Yes, yes. Goodbye, lucky. Thanks again.

Happy thanksgiving.

Thank you. Same to you.

Bye, lucky.

Well, if teeth had to be bared, I'm very glad it's happening outside. Ah. Let's see, dinner. How about half an hour? All right?

Did I say something wrong?

What, you? No.

Oh, I think it's the masks.

Did pilgrims wear masks? It's been a long time since my last history.

You know, I think that it's very clever and really quite charming. Oh, gentlemen, I gave them my credit card number when I placed the order. So thank you very much.

Grandfather thinks tipping is a city in china. Allen, give the men a 20.

Monica?

Uh, where's my purse?

Mom, that's keisha'S.

No, we got a better idea.

[Gasp]

Empty your pockets.

You heard me, empty your pockets.

You can't just walk in here and rob us.

Why not?

Because we have security.

Pockets and handbags. Empty. On the table. Now!

Do what he says. Now!

All right, come on, everybody. You too, old man.

Don't you people carry wallets?

In my own living room?

He thinks it ruins the line of his pants, if you have to know.

64 bucks and change.

[Indistinct]

Excuse me.

Don't move!

Uh--

What?

This wallet right here, right there, yeah. That belongs to me. And since it's cash what you're after here, there's nothing in there but my driver's license. Could I have it back?

You know, while you're at it, my driver's license is right here. And you know, it's just such a hassle. I'll leave the business cards.

Actually, you really have no use for contact lenses.

Monica, I didn't know you wore contact lenses--

Shh!

Obviously, my cellular phone is of no use. You can't make a call without having a record of it.

And you know, this pen set that my wife gave me is really not of much value at all.

I beg your pardon. That's solid gold. Not plate.

[Murmuring]

Be quiet!

I realize that I'm just an invited guest and not a very welcome one at that. But I really think we should all take this seriously.

We can't go back with 64 bucks. Get their watches.

$64. God, if this gets out we're going to be the laughing stock. Ned, don't you keep some cash in your shoe?

You unhand my wife.

I think your mother should have taught you better than to manhandle an old lady in a wheelchair.

The lady of the house, we have orders not to touch.

What are you talking about? Orders from whom?

Why? Why shouldn't I be robbed like the rest of them?

You touch one hair on her head--

Oh, dear, this is really most upsetting.

It's ok, grandmother. They don't want to hurt anyone. Do you?

No, dear, what I mean to say is these gentlemen don't seem to have an idea of what they're supposed to do. You, mister whatever your name is, look behind you. That's a solid silver tea set there. It's worth a fortune. And so are the hors d'oeuvre plates and the rest of the silver. Now why don't you all pack up those things and leave the house??

Yes, I think that's an excellent idea.

Listen, while you're at it. I've got something here. You see this chinese vase? I know it's horrible.

Why? What's wrong with it? I like it.

It's ugly. Be quiet. It's worth--father, how much did you pay for this?

65,000 at auction.

$65,000?

But be prepared. That's about 3 times what it's worth.

Now let's just see what else we can get rid of.

This decanter right here is leaded chrystal.

And he would know. He's examined it often at close range.

Do you have any idea how much this pillow and all of these pillows are worth?

You know, check out the books. A lot of them are first editions. Some of them are signed. Books. Don't forget the books.

Stay here. Just stay here.

Oh, please tell me you are not writing them a check. Annabelle. Come on, annabelle. Come here. I want you to go find that ugly beast foster. And I want you to give him this. Here, take this. Here, take it. Take it. Come on. Let's go.

I've always admired this.

Hey, wow.

Yeah. [Indistinct] Cooked it. She's sonny's--

Housekeeper. Maid? Person that helps around the house.

Right. So I thought I'd use it for sandwiches.

Oh, well. Now you have proof you're not a real quartermaine. No quartermaine has ever come that close to a fully cooked turkey on thanksgiving. This is an interesting book.

Yeah, it has a lot of facts.

Well, I'd better get home to my pizza.

You know, there is one thing I'm grateful for. No one has a cooler brother than me. In here, the oven.

Oh, found him.

Gatsby?

Yeah, he snuck into the cat door when no one was looking.

I'm glad. I was beginning to think foster ate him.

It was awfully nice of you to come all this way for a stupid cat.

He's not a stupid cat.

Yes, he is.

Well, I'd better get back inside before somebody else gets the wishbone.

You know, I've always understood that people don't have wings. But they have wishbones.

I used to wonder that too.

I've decided that it's got to be right here. And then when I make the wish, i just put my hands right here and I wish.

Does it work?

Today it did.

Happy thanksgiving. See ya. Come on, boy.

[Giggles]

Wow. Haven't done this in a long time.

This reminds me of girl scouts or boy scouts. I mean, not that I ever was a girl scout. But I saw pictures of them roasting marshmallows. I didn't even know we bought marshmallows.

That's because I bought them and put them in cupboard.

Aw, there you go. Mother nature provides.

Well, I don't know how much nature had to do with these.

I meant you. I wish we could make smores.

What? That sounds disgusting.

Don't even tell me that you have never had a smore.

No.

Smores are the coolest things in the world to eat. And you know what? You brought chocolate torte, didn't you?

Yeah, why?

Because in my freezer I have frozen graham cracker pie crusts. Be right back.

Brenda, please don't bake.

[Class clinking]

Folks, it's thanksgiving, which is as good a day as any to stuff ourselves with a really heavy meal. Here's to hope, happiness, health, humanity, and humility.

Humility?

I heard good things about it.

Here here.

Cut the turkey!

Let's eat.

Wonderful. Just waiting for the ok.

Get your plates.

[Crosstalk]

Excuse me a minute. I'm going to [Indistinct] Make sure you get some meat and veggies on that plate and a lot of turkey.

[Crosstalk continues]

Cold weather makes my eyes itch.

Yeah. It does that to me too.

You are really good at this, you know. Bringing all these people together. Making everybody feel like they're a part of something.

Well, you know, I really love all this corny holiday stuff.

You make it look so easy.

You'll get the hang of it.

We'll see.

Are you sorry you stayed?

No. Are you sorry you invited me?

No. I guess that's as far as we should go on our first thanksgiving.

[Indistinct] I thought it was foster scratching at the door.

Isn't that edward's dog?

It's annabelle.

It's annabelle, all right. She's probably looking for foster. And he is so over you, baby.

Luke, what does it say?

Well, let's see. Most of it's pretty smeared up with doggy drool. There's 2 words I can read. "Quartermaines thieves!" Well, annabelle, tell us something we don't already know.

What I said--

It doesn't matter.

Yeah, it does. I didn't mean to hurt you. And I would never want you to think that I feel guilty for loving you. Because I don'T. But I do feel bad for the quartermaines. I love jason. They counted on him.

I know. I know. He was supposed to be able to fix everything. Well, I can'T. No matter how many times they call me over. I don't even know why I go.

Because they're your family. Whether you like it or not, you inherited them when you took jason's place.

I never took his place. I don't want it.

Look, he left and you came. He's gone and you're here. You're mutually exclusive. I mean, you took his place.

His place was at the house. Second floor. West wing. Third bedroom on the right. I trashed it when I left and i will never go back.

I know why you left. And I know why you'll never live there again. But you know enough now to know that the mistakes the quartermaines made, they made out of love. I'm not saying you should feel guilty that you're alive and he's not. But he gave you a lot of things, jason. He gave you strength and health. No fillings in your teeth. He gave a lot to you. Have you ever thought that you owe him something back?

Like what?

To take care of the people he loved?

Would anyone mind if this was gone?

No!

Take it.

Here you are. Enjoy.

Listen, I just had-- what about this right here?

Actually, allen, emily is very fond of that.

Oh, well, then you can't have it.

Look, who's in charge here?

I'm very fond of what? Sorry I'm late.

Sweetheart, these men were just leaving.

Are those guns?

Empty your pockets!

We're being robbed by pilgrims?

Mm-hmm. But they're going to be very sorry pilgrims. Because help is on the way, everyone.

Really?

He sent annabelle for the spencers' dog.

What?

Oh, that's really great.

You know, you guys are going to be in deep trouble when my brother hears about this.

Shut her up.

Let's not aggravate them, honey.

It's true.

My brother is jason and he works for sonny korinthos. He even lives in his penthouse.

Since when?

He moved out of jake's? Good for him.

Wait a minute. You don't mean jason morgan?

[ Female announcer ]

Is your home ready

for any surprise?

Now, nicholas, since your our guest of honor--

Says who?

Would you like to lead us in grace?

Yes.

Lord, thank you for this day. And for this life. And for your abundance of gifts. And especially for each other.

Amen.

How was that?

That was lovely.

Good, then let's eat.

Here we go.

Perfect, right?

Thank god you didn't have the sense to thaw that turkey.

See, I told you. They're the most amazing things you've ever tasted, right?

Oh, yeah. Now all they need is a better name. I think we should call them brendas.

We can'T. Lucy has exclusive rights to my name.

Huh. Ok. Smore, please?

This one I have made absolutely perfect for you. It's much better than the one you had, trust me. Oh, wait wait. Oh, my-- they're a little messy.

They're on everything. Everything good is messy. Life's messy.

That is true.

Wow.

You know what I'm most grateful for this year?

What?

[Metal banging]

I don't know how you can bend over after everything you just ate.

I see what the problem is.

Oh, look. I think the only thing that can spoil a thanksgiving dinner is a broken dishwasher.

You know, I know bobbi is a nurse and she likes things very hygienic. But would you just explain to her that she doesn't need to put the bath toys in the dishwasher?

[Indistinct]

Oh...

I'm telling you. The cat was on the neighbor's roof. And I was thinking, where am i going to get a 3-story ladder? I mean, of course, mrs. Hardy doesn't have one. So you're not even going to believe this.

Oh, we might believe it. We're old. Our brain cells are dying by the billions.

You know the firehouse down on yale avenue?

You used a fire truck ladder?

Yeah. And when I was on the roof there, these girls were screaming. And so I ran down the ladder. And foster had a snake.

Wow.

Was it a frozen snake?

Yeah. Why not?

[All laughing]

Jason will find you. He'll hunt you down.

One night, you're going to wake up and he's going to be standing right over you.

He'll have a welcoming committee waiting in your cellblock when you get there.

Well, this is for you, folks. It's been real.

Goodnight. Drive safely.

My god, jason.

My god, a turkey.

You came!

You got to be kidding me.

Let's get out of here.

Ah...no...

Talk about--

Oh, our hero!

You won't believe the rudeness.

Thank you for saving my paycheck.

What's this?

"Darlings, you won't begrudge a girl a little pocket change, i hope. Kisses. T."

Ahh! Tracy!

[Grumbling]

You've got to be kidding.

Guess who got into the pizza? Want me to order some more?

No!

Hey, thanks for coming.

You're welcome.

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