Days Transcript Monday 4/26/21

Days of Our Lives Transcript Monday 4/26/21

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Episode #14009 ~ Kristen, disguised as Susan, gives Jake romantic advice. Philip takes Gabi home to make love.; Paulina rips into Chanel and Xander; Theo says goodbye to his family.

Provided By Suzanne

Eli: What milestones did I miss today?

Lani: We had a record number of diaper changes.

[Baby fusses]

Eli: Looks like little man is going for the gold right now.

[Chuckles]

Lani: You're up, dad.

[Baby fussing]

Eli: Okay, all right. Okay, all right, fine. We got this, little man. We can do it. Let me--let me get a wipe.

Lani: We're almost out. I was gonna make a grocery store run earlier, but then aunt paulina decided to stop by.

Eli: What was she talking about?

Lani: She wanted me to convince chanel to get out of this sham of a marriage to xander.

Eli: [Snickers] I don't know why anyone would need convincing of that.

Lani: Right? [Chuckles]

Eli: What happened?

Lani: Well, I'm actually happy to say that I was able to convince chanel that she deserves better. Unfortunately, xander reverted to type and is demanding something in exchange for a divorce.

Eli: Like what?

Lani: $10 million.

Eli: What?

Xander: Fine. I'll take it.

Paulina: Attaboy. You're not as dumb as you look.

Chanel: What the hell are you doing?

Xander: Chanel.

Chanel: A hundred thousand?

Xander: It's 100,000 more than I had before, and at least now we can move on with our lives.

Chanel: Move on with our lives how? That's only 50,000 each.

Paulina: I beg your pardon? What did you just say, chanel?

Chanel: I said, um--

Paulina: Let me refresh your short-term memory. You said, "that's only 50,000 each."

Chanel: Right. Well, what I meant was--

Paulina: I know exactly what you meant! Chanel dupree, you teamed up with this--this good-for-nothing charlatan to scam your own mama!

Philip: Hey, I wasn't planning on going back to the office today. How about celebrating over dinner?

Gabi: I have a better idea. Why don't you take me back to your place instead?

Philip: My place? What do you mean, exactly?

Gabi: Do I really need to spell it out for you?

Philip: No, not really.

Gabi: Okay, well, then, what do you say?

Kristen as susan: Oh, god!

[Sighs] You know, I was really hoping that we could do this the easy way, but as usual, you had to make it more complicated.

[Sighs] Looks like I'm gonna have to go to plan B.

[Sighs]

Jake: Who the hell are you?

Kristen as susan: Oh!

Jake: What are you doing in my house?

Chloe: Hmm, "the researchers are constantly coming up with new treatments for brain cancer that are more effective and cause fewer side effects than in the past. One example are gamma knife no-incision brain surgery." See, there is hope.

[Sighs] Lucas, you have to fight this. I wanna help you. We'll fight this together.

[Cell phone ringing] Oh, my god.

Male announcer: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the "days of our lives."

[Soft orchestration]

Abe: You know, when I met your ex-girlfriend, I--I didn't realize that chanel was paulina's daughter and lani's cousin. I mean, what are the odds, huh?

Theo: Crazy, right? I mean, I had no idea while we were dating. Although, I did figure out pretty early on that she's not the one for me.

Abe: Hmm. That's interesting. Paulina tells me that... chanel wants to go back to south africa with you.

Theo: That's only because her mom cut her off and told her to get a job. No way in hell I'm gonna be chanel's meal ticket.

Abe: Well, she's nothing if not determined. Although, I think in trying to find some alternative solution, she has managed to land herself in some serious trouble.

Theo: What do you mean?

Abe: Guess you haven't heard. She married xander kiriakis.

Chanel: I wasn't scamming you, I swear it. I was just scamming xander.

Xander: The hell you were.

Chanel: I just told him what he wanted to hear. I was gonna give all the money back to you.

Paulina: Save it, sister. You are no better than this one.

Xander: I beg your pardon?

Paulina: Abe carver read your rap sheet. I nearly stroked on the spot-- attempted murder, sexual assault.

Xander: Hey! Theresa was lying. I've never laid a finger on a woman that didn't want me to-- not that there's ever been such a woman.

Paulina: [Chuckles] There is now. But yet, she was dumb enough to marry you anyway. Now, you didn't want to work to make an honest living, so your genius plan was to throw in with a criminal to bilk your mama out of a cool ten mil!

Chanel: You don't understand.

Paulina: I understand! I understand fine. I have sent you to all the best schools. I paid for everything from water polo to ukulele lessons. I took your damn dolls to high tea! I spoiled you. I spoiled you rotten! And now you're rotten to the core. I've never been so disgusted with another human being in my entire life!

Kristen as susan: Ah!

[Giggles] Hi, I'm susan banks. Ah! Who are you?

Jake: I'm jake dimera. Why don't you explain to me-- I know exactly who you are.

Feel the clarity

of non-drowsy

Brady: As entertaining as you are, dr. Seuss, all I got to say was "green eggs and ham," and my daughter was out like a light.

[Cell phone ringing]

[Sighs] Hey, chloe, what's up?

Chloe: Hey, you haven't heard? Belle was arrested last night.

Brady: Arrested? For what?

Chloe: The murder of charlie dale.

Brady: Oh, my god. I had no idea. I was just talking to sami. I'm--I'm sure she didn't have any idea either.

Chloe: Well, what about your dad?

Brady: Uh, he and marlena, they aren't here, but listen, I'm gonna give them a call. I'm gonna try to find out what I can. You sit tight and I will call you back, all right?

Kristen as susan: Ah. Yeah, it seems-- it seems like you couldn't possibly know who I am if we've never met.

Jake: Uh, wow.

Kristen as susan: Yeah.

Jake: No, I know exactly who you are. My buddy, ben, was telling me about you. You're the-- the lady who has the premonitions, right? You told ben that his wife's not dead.

Kristen as susan: Right, right, right, that's me! The one and only. Yeah.

Jake: Right, and from what I understand, you're also my brother, ej's, mother, right?

Kristen as susan: I am. Most certainly am, yes.

Jake: Hmm.

Kristen as susan: Uh-huh.

Jake: So?

Kristen as susan: So what?

Jake: You never answered my question.

Kristen as susan: And what question was that?

Jake: What are you doing in my living room?

Kristen as susan: What? Ee-- [Laughs] What am I doing in your-- I just--I'm just-- I'm here--oh! 'Cause I had--my goodness, I had a premonition about you. Mm-hmm.

Jake: About me? You--you don't know me.

Kristen as susan: Yeah-- 'cause that's how I know it's for real! I saw you and this complete absolute total stranger, with this beautiful woman with dark hair.

Jake: Yeah, that would be my girlfriend, kate.

Kristen as susan: Kate. Kate? Kate.

Jake: Mm-hmm.

Kristen as susan: Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Uh, definitely not the name I'm getting. I'm getting something more like, um... gabi. Mm-hmm.

Gabi: Really? You have to think about it? I mean, if you're not interested, just say no.

Philip: No, no, no. I'm interested. I'm definitely interested. What man in his right mind wouldn't be interested?

Gabi: Are you sure? Because it took you long enough.

Philip: It's just, I saw your face when jake said he was gonna go on that romantic getaway with my mother. Anyway, it's obvious you still have feelings for him.

Gabi: You already know that.

Philip: I do. But jumping into bed with me isn't gonna get rid of them.

Gabi: Okay, you're right. You're right, dr. Freud, but you know what? I think it's gonna make me feel a hell of a lot better. So let me ask you a question. Do you want to psychoanalyze me, or do you wanna sleep with me?

Philip: [Chuckles] What do you think?

Gabi: That's more like it.

Theo: Xander and chanel, married. Wow. Although, I do think they kind of deserve each other.

Abe: Well, a man like xander, she-- she may be in a bit over her head.

Theo: Trust me, chanel is very good at taking care of herself.

Abe: Did you-- did you have feelings for her at one time?

Theo: At first, I thought she was cool, fun. But chanel is all about chanel all the time. I'm just glad I caught on and got out when I did, especially now that I'm free to be with someone I care about and who cares about me.

Abe: Really?

Theo: In fact, um, she and I are moving to south africa together.

Abe: And who might this someone be?

Lani: That is exactly the look aunt paulina had when I told her the amount, except then, her head exploded.

Eli: What the hell? Chanel don't have that kind of money. What, does xander expect her mom to pay for it?

Lani: You got it.

Eli: Psh. From what I know from aunt paulina, that's not gonna go over very well.

Lani: Understatement of the decade. Aunt paulina did not get rich by giving her money away. I mean, she keeps a change jar. She uses her paper towels twice, and she is the queen of regifting.

Eli: What is she gonna do?

Lani: I don't know, but she flew out of here like a bat out of hell when she found out what xander was doing. I almost feel sorry for the guy.

Chanel: If you would just let me explain.

Paulina: So you can keep lying to me?

Chanel: Only the truth, I promise. The truth is, xander was gonna give me half of whatever he got from you.

Paulina: Well, obviously, you agreed. Oh, just--why don't you just stab me in the heart?

Chanel: Wait. I didn't marry xander with some big plan to extort you. I legit thought he was gonna be my meal ticket. I didn't know he was some washed-up slacker ceo who couldn't get hired as the bag boy at the mini-mart.

Xander: Excuse me!

Chanel: Once I realized he was as poor as I am, I told him I wanted a divorce. But he refused when he found out how loaded you are. A payoff was the only way this jerk would let me out of this stupid marriage contract.

Paulina: But then he offers you 50% of my hard-earned money out of the goodness of his shriveled, criminal-ass heart.

Chanel: I pointed out that if he got rich off our quickie wedding, I'd have no reason to divorce him, and that's when we decided to split it.

Paulina: I see. Well... I guess there's only one thing to do.

Chanel: What's that?

Paulina: [Sighs] You get nothing, the both of you!

Chanel: But now xander won't divorce me, and I'll be stuck in this miserable sham of a marriage!

Paulina: Cry me a river.

Chanel: You said it yourself. He's a horrible, horrible guy! Don't you care what happens to me?

Paulina: I can barely stand to look at you! I'm not sure who's more of a danger to whom.

Chanel: Mom, please!

Paulina: Don't you give me those puppy eyes. Now, you made this particular bed-- and it's the only bed you've ever made up in your entire life, I might add. You lie in it. If you printed out directions to get here today,

Chanel: My mom hates me.

Xander: She doesn't hate you. You're her daughter.

Chanel: I don't know about that. I've never seen her this angry, and that's saying a hell of a lot. It's all your fault.

Xander: My fault? You're the genius who blurted out that we were splitting the payoff.

Chanel: You're the mr. Big man that let my mom negotiate you down from 10 million to 100 grand. No wonder you couldn't cut it as a ceo. What a loser!

Xander: If I'm a loser, you're an impulsive little brat.

Chanel: And this is a match made in hell! I want a divorce, and I want it now!

Abe: So you're taking ciara to south africa?

Theo: It was her idea.

Abe: What about her marriage?

Theo: Well, in ciara's mind, it's totally over, all right? It makes her sick to even think that she was ever married to ben. And ben, he just won't leave her alone. He is constantly pressuring her to remember what she doesn't want to remember. She's scared of him, and I'm scared that he really could hurt her. That's why we're leaving as soon as she gets released from the hospital tomorrow.

Abe: Well... I mean, I know that you and ciara have always cared for each other, you-- you've always been protective of her. But I just-- I'm just afraid of you getting hurt again.

Theo: I got the same speech from claire, but I'm all grown up now, dad. I know what I'm doing, so don't try to talk me out of it.

Abe: As if I could. And, uh... I guess I won't be able to talk you out of staying a little longer?

Theo: I wish. I have to get back to work.

Abe: I'm so proud of you, son. The life you've created, that business you're growing with jj-- just wish it wasn't so far away.

[Both laugh] You know, these goodbyes just--they don't get any easier.

Theo: Then let's just say, "sien jou binnekort." It's "see you soon." That's how we say it in jo'burg.

Abe: [Chuckles] "Sien jou binnekort."

[Chuckles]

Theo: I love you, dad.

Abe: Hey, love you too, son. Mwah.

Theo: [Exhales]

Lani: Okay. Diapered and changed. Perfect time to go to the store.

Eli: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Store? You didn't ask me if I wanted to watch carver and jules.

Lani: What? Those are your babies. Why would I ask you that?

Eli: Yes, I know they're my babies and you wouldn't have to ask me, but, you know, I mind. Let me see.

Lani: [Chuckles]

Eli: Yeah, I know, I-- I really, really mind.

Lani: Excuse me?

Eli: They're both asleep at the same time. How often does that happen?

Lani: Mm, not often.

Eli: Mm-hmm. So I would like to take advantage of the opportunity to take advantage of my beautiful wife.

Lani: Oh.

[Both chuckle]

Lani: Mm.

Gabi: Nice room.

Philip: Thanks. Hey, you hungry? I can have cook fix us some food, or maybe a drink. I make a mean dirty martini. It's all about the brine--

Gabi: Will you just shut up and kiss me?

Jake: Gabi?

Kristen as susan: Uh-huh.

Jake: Nah, that's-- that's wrong.

Kristen as susan: Uh-uh. Uh-uh, mr. Jake dimera. Ugh, god. My premonitions are never wrong. It's as plain as day. You are entangled in the arms of gabi. There is no kate in sight.

Jake: Okay, see, see, I used to date a woman named gabi, but that's been over for quite some time. I'm with kate now. What in the world is that? It's my 5:52 woke-up-like-this migraine medicine.

Chanel: Face it, you're not gonna get anything from my mother now, so there's zero reason for you to force me to stay in this stupid marriage!

Xander: Fine! You can have your damn divorce. I can't think of anything lovelier than never having to see you again.

Chanel: Back at you, and as we say in jo'burg, goodbye!

Xander: Hey! Aren't you forgetting something?

Chanel: What?

Xander: The ring.

Chanel: I offered to return it to you the morning after we eloped. You said I can have it.

Xander: Something to remember me by and all that.

Chanel: Ugh, gross. I'd sell it if I were you. Two failed marriages in two months, and I'm thinking the third won't be the charm!

[Door opens, closes]

Paulina: Oh. Oh! What a relief! A friendly face.

Abe: Paulina, is everything all right?

Paulina: No, no. I'm not all right. Far from it.

Abe: Does this have to do with chanel and her marriage to xander?

Paulina: More than that. Abe, in my entire life, I have never been more furious at another human being when that person is my daughter.

Abe: Can you talk about it?

Paulina: Wh-- chanel boo-hooed about getting a divorce. Said xander would only agree if he got $10 million.

Abe: $10 million?

Paulina: Of course I talked him down to nothing-- he's a terrible negotiator-- but the kicker is, chanel was in on the whole scheme. Abe, my daughter was gonna play her very own mama for $10 million. Well, 50/50 split, it's 5 million after--

[Scoffs] I'm reaping what I sowed. I sowed a monster!

Abe: No, no, no, no, you didn'T. Look, chanel is a young woman trying to find her own way. She's--she's young. She'll learn from her mistakes.

Paulina: She surely will.

[Sniffling] Oh--oh, I forgot I was gonna return this to you freshly laundered.

Abe: Oh, you need it more than I do.

Paulina: Oh. Oh, what am I doing? I'm paulina price. Mm-hmm. I don't cry in my own beer. I don't even-- I don't even drink beer.

Abe: Well, how about some coffee?

Paulina: Oh, no, no. No time right now. I got to make my next move. The sooner, the better.

Abe: And what's that?

Paulina: I'm leaving salem.

Lani: Mm. What a better idea.

Eli: Yeah?

Lani: Mm-hmm.

Eli: I got a lot of good ideas.

Lani: Why don't you take me to the bed and show me then?

Eli: Thought you'd never ask.

Lani: [Chuckles]

[Knocking at door]

Eli: Maybe if we're quiet, they'll just go away.

[Louder knocking]

Lani: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Eli: Really?

[Sighs]

Theo: Hey.

Lani: Hi.

Theo: Hope this isn't a bad time. I can come back.

Lani: Um, no, no. Get in here, come on.

[Chuckles]

Theo: Hey.

Eli: Hey.

Theo: I won't stay long. I just came to say goodbye.

[Dramatic music]

Philip: Are you sure?

Gabi: Make love to me.

Jake: What the hell is this doing all the way over here?

Kristen as susan: I--I-- I have no idea.

Jake: Thought you were a psychic.

Kristen as susan: Oh, my god. You know what? My visions come to me when the spirit moves me, and I--I have no control over my-- them right now. None whatsoever. But what I saw-- my vision was the real deal, and you and gabi in this passionate romance. And I mean, it is more passionate than I can describe to a man I just met.

Jake: Well, like I said, it's over.

Kristen as susan: Yeah, but you don't want it to be, do you? Huh? Not really, 'cause kate may be in your bed, but what is in your heart, baby? Come on. What's in your heart?

Jake: Okay, this is ridiculous.

Kristen as susan: Really? I know what I saw. I know it. I know it, and you know it, and that is as real as it's gonna get. I mean, we're talking howling at the moon love, yes, and you're gonna just pass that by? Huh? Are you, jake? Hell, no. Hell, no, you're not. No!

Jake: O-okay.

Kristen as susan: Yes.

Jake: All right, well, thank you for stopping by, but--but I think your mojo is a little off.

Kristen as susan: Oh, my god. No, no, no, no, no! You go right now! You gotta go right this very second.

Jake: What?

Kristen as susan: You've gotta tell gabi. You've gotta tell her how you feel about her. Just go!

Chloe: Oh, dr. Dunn, thank you. Oh, I am so--I'm so relieved, and I'm so grateful. Trust me, I tried to get my friend to go there, but in his current state of mind, he's not gonna-- thank you for understanding and for coming to salem on such short notice. I know that-- yeah, I just hope that you can help him. I hope that there's some sort of new treatment. Oh, yes, okay. Right, I'll see you then. Thanks, doctor.

[Sighs]

[Cell phone rings] Hey, brady, what'd you find out?

Brady: Well, I talked to my dad, and he and marlena, they weren't able to see belle, and it looks like she's gonna be held overnight.

Chloe: Oh, I feel so bad for your family, as if what happened to allie wasn't painful enough.

Brady: Well, actually, allie is doing pretty well. I mean, she's such a good mom to that little boy, and he and marlena keep talking about how proud they are of her and how she's risen to the occasion.

Chloe: Well, you know, thank god that something good came out of a terrible experience. And, you know, I know marlena and your dad, and they're really strong. They're gonna get through this.

Brady: Yeah, they will. Listen, I'm gonna try to get in there to see belle tomorrow morning. You're welcome to come with me if you want.

Chloe: Uh, yeah, I--I would, but I can'T. Um, I have a really important doctor's appointment tomorrow.

Brady: Important? That word makes me think that this is not a routine checkup, chloe.

Chloe: No, it's not.

Brady: Chloe, is something wrong? As a repairman, I hear a lot of folks say

Abe: You're leaving? What about your big plans for the town square? You know, I-- I pushed for that rezoning, and now you're just giving up?

Paulina: Me? Give up? Don't be ridiculous, abraham. Those words aren't even in my vocabulary. Well, it's just that now that the project has been given the green light, I need to fly to miami to settle some affairs, and... make salem my new home base.

Abe: You mean permanently?

Paulina: You think this town can handle me?

[Both laughing]

Abe: Well, I'm not so sure. But I'm glad to hear it.

Paulina: [Chuckles] You're not just saying that to make me feel better?

Abe: No, no, no, no, I-- on the heels of my son leaving town, you've made my day. Uh, when you first, uh, said you were leaving... I realized I'd miss you.

Paulina: [Chuckles] Don't worry. You're not gonna get rid of me that easily.

Lani: Theo, are you sure you and ciara don't want to take a little bit more time and think about this? Taking her to south africa is a really big step.

Theo: We both want this, and it's not like we're rushing into things. I need to get back to my job, and ciara needs a place to stay, so just helping out my friend.

Lani: Is that what she is?

Theo: Yeah. For now.

Lani: [Sighs] Theo, what if she-- what happens once ciara gets her memory back?

Theo: Well, we'll deal with that when it--if it happens. Don't try to change my mind. I've already heard all the arguments.

Eli: Hey, look, no argument from me, all right? All I was gonna say is just don't stay away too long. Your goddaughter is gonna miss her favorite uncle.

[Baby cooing]

Theo: Hey, baby jules. Your goddaddy has got to take off, but I will be back soon, and we can have all kinds of fun. I'm expecting lots of video chats.

[Both chuckle]

Lani: You know it.

[Sighs] Do you have to go? I feel like you just got here.

Theo: I do. Man, I always hate this part, saying goodbye.

Lani: Then let's not do it.

[Sighs]

Gabi: [Breathing heavily]

[Dramatic music]

[Sighs]

Philip: Are you all right?

Gabi: Yes, yes. I--I can'T. I'm sorry, I can't do this.

[Sighs]

Jake: So kate and I should be leaving for the airport in a few minutes. You haven't seen her anywhere, have you?

Kristen as susan: You know, she's probably upstairs packing her lingerie and her unmentionables. You know, maybe you should go up there and help her pack, huh?

Jake: I will do that. Harold can show you out.

Kristen as susan: Yeah, sure. Uh-huh. You know what? Have a great trip, even though it's with the wrong woman.

Jake: Uh, kate is the only woman. What the hell is that? Cell phone repair.

Chanel: [Sighs]

[Sniffs] Damn it.

[Soft dramatic music]

Lani: This can't be good-- theo taking ciara to south africa? He just broke up with chanel.

Eli: That was a fling.

Lani: Well, this is not a fling. According to dad, theo has been in love with ciara since she was two. What if she breaks his heart? Theo wasn't here when ben and ciara fell in love with each other. The connection they have, how intense it was-- what if ciara remembers everything and she can't get back to ben fast enough? No, then what happens to my brother? I should have tried harder to talk him out of it.

Eli: Yeah, okay, but theo is going to do what theo is going to do.

Lani: I know, but still--

Eli: But still, I'm trying to get back to doing what we were doing, you know? Mm. And we got a small window of opportunity before these babies wake up, so--

Lani: All right, all right.

Eli: Yeah, mm-hmm. All right, mm.

[Knocking at door] No!

Lani: [Laughs] Okay, wait. Maybe theo forgot something.

Eli: [Sighs]

Lani: Okay. Ooh.

Paulina: Uh, I hope this is not a bad time.

[Chuckles] Ooh! Good lord, give me strength. Ooh, this is an excellent time for me. [Chuckles] Oh, for you, not so much.

Lani: Mm-hmm.

Paulina: Um, don't worry. I--I won't stay long. I just came to say goodbye.

Lani: [Chuckles] There has been a lot of that going on today.

Chloe: No, no.

[Clears throat] Uh, I'm fine. It--it's not me. The doctor's appointment is for a--a friend.

Brady: I see. Well, you're very kind to go with him or her.

Chloe: Well, this person means a lot to me, and... though I am worried, I'm--I'm hopeful. I think that this doctor we're gonna see will have a good course of treatment for my friend.

Brady: Well, I hope so.

Chloe: I know so. Um, so will you keep me posted on belle, please?

Brady: I will. Chloe, you take care, and good luck tomorrow.

Chloe: Thanks.

[Cell phone beeps]

Jake: Kate obviously bought this for our trip. What the hell is it doing down here if she's upstairs packing?

Kristen as susan: Uh, light bulb! Guess what? You can go up there right now and ask her yourself.

Jake: Oh, okay. I will, I will. And harold can--

Kristen as susan: Yeah, I know, I know, I know, harold. Harold, I'll just tell harold to show me the way out. Thank you. Whoo! Yeah.

[Hisses]

[Sighs] Finally.

[Sighs] Oh, god. Ah, kate.

[Scoffs] Babe, you could have made this easy on yourself. But no, no, you had to figure out that I am susan banks, huh? And because you couldn't just leave things alone, I had to resort to violence, which I abhor.

[Sighs] Now I gotta figure out what the hell I'm gonna do.

[Sighs] My plaque psoriasis...

Philip: You said you wanted this.

Gabi: I did--I--I do. I just--I thought I could, but I--I can't, and it has nothing to do with you. You're great, you-- I'm just--

[Sighs]

Philip: Jake.

Gabi: I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Philip: I get it.

Gabi: I don't! What-- why am I so pathetic? Are you kidding me? He clearly doesn't want me. He's having sex all over my house with your mother!

Philip: Can we not?

Gabi: I'm sorry, I-- just, really, why can't I just get over him? Why can't I forget about him the way that he forgot about me?

Philip: Because you want everyone to believe that you're a hell-on-wheels bitch with a heart of stone, but you're really a softy. It'll be our secret, okay?

Gabi: Oh, my-- this is so embarrassing.

Philip: Not at all.

Gabi: I barely know you. I mean, you're my boss! Oh, I have made a total fool of myself. I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot.

Philip: Don't be, don't be. Come here.

Gabi: [Sighs]

Kristen as susan: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

[Sighs] Oh. Oh, my god, kate. Now I'm gonna have to disappear you like I did sarah horton. It's not personal, though. It's that damn vivian alamain. It's all her fault. You see, if I don't break up you and jake, she is gonna give me a one-way ticket back to statesville. Uh-uh. You see, I can't let that happen.

[Sighs]

Jake: Kate, when you get this, call me. We've got a plane to catch.

[Cell phone beeps]

[Dramatic music]

Xander: [Sighs] Oh, sarah. I've made such a hash of everything. I still don't understand why you went away. One day, we were madly in love, and the next... you were gone.

Chanel: [Sniffs] I thought only old men carried handkerchiefs.

Theo: [Chuckles] Well, it comes in handy, doesn't it? Are you okay?

Chanel: I'm fine. I don't suppose you'd reconsider taking me back to south africa with you?

Theo: Sorry. No.

Chanel: That's the answer I expected. But it's okay. I'll figure something out. I always do.

Lani: Goodbye? Where--where are you going? And what happened with xander?

Paulina: Turns out chanel was in on it.

Lani: What?

Paulina: $10 million. 50/50 split, right down the middle.

Lani: I thought I got through to her about taking responsibility for her life, her choices, about doing the--

Paulina: Right thing.

[Chuckles] No. Not when it comes to saving her own behind.

Eli: Damn.

Paulina: But she and that xander, they are not as clever as they are greedy, so all they're gonna get is just a big fat nothing. No, I got things to do. I got to go to miami for a week or two. I'll be back.

Eli: Well, we will watch chanel for you.

Paulina: Hmm, good luck with that. Well, unlike my daughter, you know how to pick 'em. Ooh.

[Both chuckling]

Paulina: Oh, eli, thank you for being a good husband to my niece and daddy to these little lovies, ah. Oh, you--you send me some pictures, yeah?

Lani: Oh, we actually got their 4-month pictures taken yesterday. I'll go--

Eli: Wait, you know what? I actually took one to the station, but I'll show you where the other three are.

Paulina: Uh-huh.

Eli: We'll be back.

Paulina: Mm-hmm. Oh, you precious little bundles. You do my heart more good than you know. I really do-- I really do hate leaving you, but... before I go, I'm gonna tell you a little secret.

[Mouthing words]

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