Days of Our Lives Transcript Thursday 4/1/21
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Episode #13992 ~ Jan wakes up from her coma. Philip and Chloe hook up. Sami and John have a major showdown. Steve and Kayla deal with a surprise pregnancy.
Provided By Suzanne
SPECIAL APRIL FOOL'S EPISODE!
Previously, on "days"...
Kayla: Where are you going to find a woman that would be willing to carry stefano's clone? It was just being so helpless, not being able to move or scream. I just had to lie there and listen to him, the arrogance and the pleasure he took at scaring me.
Steve: Come here, come here. I've got you baby. I got you.
John: You got a lot of nerve coming in here with a potted plant to what you said to me.
Sarah: I didn't know you remembered.
John: I simply stood up for eric and nicole. So you told me that I wasn't part of your family and I never would be. You said I was nobody.
Sami: I was upset, I was hurt.
John: You're the same person you've always been, samantha gene, you're nothing but a mean, nasty bitch.
Belle: I don't want you to leave. I couldn't bear it if I never saw you again.
Belle: You have to get out of here, no, stop it. This never should have happened.
Philip: Don't say that. You wanted this as much as i did.
Belle: No, it was a mistake, philip, I'm engaged.
Philip: There was nothing wrong with what we did.
Belle: How can you say that?
Philip: Because I know you, you wouldn't have done this if it didn't mean anything.
Belle: It was just sex. That's all it was, and it will never happen again.
Shawn: What the hell have you done with her? Where is she? Huh? Where is she?
Jan: Belle is-- doesn't matter. Just let philip have her. He wants her and she wants him.
Shawn: That is not true.
Jan: Oh, but it is. And so I did you a little favor.
Shawn: What do you mean?
Jan: I knew you could really never love me until she was dead. So I shot her and disposed of her body.
Marlena: Oh! Oh!
Jan: She's dead.
John: You what?
Marlena: Oh, john!
John: You did what? What did you do?
Shawn: Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
Jan: Where am I?
You are at salem university hospital.
Jan: Hospital? What happened?
Shawn: You were involved in an incident. You have major injuries, and-- and you went into a coma.
Jan: A coma? For how long? A day, a week?
Shawn: Longer than that. A lot longer than that.
Jan: Tell me. I want to know.
Shawn: You've been in a coma for an entire year.
Belle: Honey, I'm home.
Philip: That sounds like my gorgeous wife.
Belle: It is.
Philip: I missed you last night.
Belle: Oh, I missed you, too.
Xander: Do you mind if I ask why you are dressed up like that?
Chloe: I was just about to ask you the same thing.
Kayla: Ah, mmm. This is just amazing.
Steve: Baby, do you happen to remember the number of the rectory at st. Luke's?
Kayla: Mm, no, why?
Steve: Well, I was wondering if they still give priests training to do exorcisms?
Kayla: What are you talking about?
Steve: The way you're scarfing down that breakfast, it's like you're possessed or something.
Kayla: Oh, come on. Cut me some slack. I'm eating for two now, remember?
Steve: I remember.
Male narrator: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.
Steve: I'm sorry, baby. I know you don't like me to tease you these days.
Kayla: You can say it, I'm a drag. I know it, I know it. You know this pregnancy has not been easy. I see the way that people look at me, and you I know what they're thinking. "How could that woman have a baby at her age?" And I would try to explain to them, but then it would just be a pregnant woman who's crazy.
Steve: Come on now. Plenty of women your age have babies by in vitro these days.
Kayla: No, they don'T. And you and I both know this is not your garden variety in vitro. A mad scientist implanted a clone inside of me. I'm about to give birth to stefano dimera.
Jan: I was in a coma for a whole year. No wonder I feel rested.
Shawn: This isn't your first coma, the last one lasted 15 years.
Jan: Oh, yeah. I woke up and "project runway" was on season 18.
Shawn: Compared to that one, this one must have felt like a catnap.
Jan: Shawn douglas, did you bring me that hourglass?
Shawn: I mean, I--yeah, i brought it here.
Jan: Have you been turning that thing over every day since I went into the coma? Have you been beside me month after lonely month for a whole year praying that I'd wake up when the sand ran out?
Shawn: Actually, I use it to remind myself to put money in the meter. I mean, I hate parking tickets so sorry.
Shawn: Look, I'm here-- actually, I need to take your statement.
Jan: What statement?
Shawn: About the incident. The one that put you in a coma.
Jan: Let me see, um-- it was john black. He went nuts at our wedding and he attacked me. He had his hands around my throat and he kept squeezing, and everything went black. He was strangling me. He almost killed me.
Shawn: Yeah, but you made it. You're going to be fine.
Jan: What he did was a crime. I wanna press charges.
Shawn: Okay. You're more than welcome to do that, but it's not gonna get you anywhere.
Jan: Why not?
Shawn: Because john's fate's already been sealed.
John: I can't believe it. This can't be happening.
Sami: Oh, it's happening, all right.
Sami: [Laughs] Right on the first guess.
John: What are you doing here?
Sami: You're being executed, aren't you? You need an executioner for that.
Sami: Right again.
John: They're letting you give me the lethal injection?
Sami: Oh, I applied for the job the second you landed on death row. If anyone's gonna put you down like a dog, it's going to be me.
John: Come on samantha gene, you can't do that. I've always loved you like a daughter.
Sami: Really? Did you lob a cactus at your daughter's head? Did you tell belle that you think she's a mean nasty bitch? I didn't think so.
John: Oh that, just because i wasn't in my right mind.
Sami: Right, right, the aneurysm, I remember that tired, boring excuse. It did not work for you in the trial and it's not gonna work for you here.
John: Actually, it was the truth.
Sami: You wanna talk about the truth? 'Cause I do. I despise you.
Sami: Yes, john. You try walking in on your mom, doing the horizontal mambo on a conference room table. How do you think you'd feel about the guy?
John: Come on, I thought we worked through all that.
Sami: Yeah, you--you decided that we worked through it, not me. That is an image that is burned into my mind forever, and it still makes me nauseous. You broke up my mom and dad, you destroyed our family, you destroyed her. My mother is dead, you bastard, and it is all your fault.
Jan: John black's going to be executed?
Shawn: Yep, today, as a matter of fact.
Jan: He really choked marlena to death, like he tried to do to me?
Shawn: Yeah, the media wanted to name him the salem strangler, but that was already taken.
Jan: This town has been home to way too many serial killers.
Shawn: Yeah, well, keeps me in a job. Guy's gotta make a living.
Jan: Poor belle. She must be beside herself with grief. I'm surprised you're not with her.
Shawn: Yeah, well, look, belle and I aren't together anymore.
Jan: Really? I wanna hear all about it. Don't leave anything out.
Claire: Hey--oh, no. You two, you need to get a room, you're like two horny teenagers.
Belle: No, we're just in the honeymoon phase, still.
Philip: Give us a break claire, you know your mom had to fly off to meet with the governor.
Claire: Mm-hmm, and you were alone for, was it one night?
Claire: Yeah. So how did that go? Did you manage to get a stay of execution for grandpa john?
Belle: Well, the governor is thinking about it, and the fact that he didn't say no makes me very hopeful.
Philip: I'm sure you presented a good argument. You're a brilliant lawyer.
Belle: Ohh, thank you.
Philip: How about I make us a big breakfast?
Belle: Sounds good. Oh, except I have to go to statesville and see my dad.
Claire: Okay, well, will you call me as soon as you hear from the governor?
Belle: You know I will.
Philip: How do you like your eggs?
Claire: You're really gonna make me breakfast?
Philip: Well, that's what fathers do for their kids-- woke fathers, anyway.
Claire: Ah, I'm still getting used to that.
Philip: It was the saddest day of my life when I had to tell you I wasn't your daddy, and one of the happiest days when I found out that you were really mine. And now, me and your mother are back together. I still can't believe we're finally a family again.
Xander: What happened to you? You look like a ghoul.
Chloe: That's the whole point you big dummy, this is my pop star persona, I'm ghoul girl.
Xander: You're a pop star?
Chloe: [Sighs] Hello, where have you been? I've had three number one hits in this past year. I just came back from a sold out tour. They say I'm better than billie eilish.
Xander: Hm. I had no idea.
Chloe: Yeah, well, obviously. What about you? What's with the get-up? Oh, wait, let me guess. After sarah dumped you, you gave up all women and became a priest. Oh, what the hell?
Bonnie: That's not a word we throw around lightly, dear. Don't make me wrap your knuckles.
Chloe: No, I just--I don't-- I don't understand. How are you a nun? Weren't you just dating justin?
Bonnie: Well, when we were in the sack, he kept calling me adrienne. That's not something you can laugh off too many times.
Chloe: Okay, but becoming a nun, joining a convent, isn't that a bit extreme?
Bonnie: You wanna talk about extreme? Let's talk about that get-up you have on. That might have worked for you in high school, but darling you look like you're a professional pallbearer.
Xander: Sister bernie, we have some important work to take care of.
Bonnie: Oh, yes, father. Nice seeing you, chloe, I'll be praying for you.
Bonnie: It's pretty obvious. You're in need of divine intervention.
Bonnie: Bless me father, for I have sinned.
Xander: But sister, I am not your confessor.
Bonnie: I know that, father, but there's something I just have to get off my chest, and more importantly off yours.
[Grunts] Ooh, yeah. Whoo! Ah. Mm! Mm, mm, mm.
Claire: I really wish we'd hear from mom.
Philip: We will. Hey, tell me how the tour went with chloe.
Claire: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.
Claire: Okay, uh-- so I have been working really, really hard to be a good assistant for chloe. I have done everything that she's asked me to do. And the thing is is that when she hired me, she promised to let me be feature vocalist on her next album. And now she keeps blowing me off.
Philip: I'm really sorry.
Claire: Do you think that maybe you could talk to her?
Philip: She's the one with the recording contract. It's her album.
Claire: Right. But you are her producer.
Philip: That's nepotism, claire.
Claire: So? Come on. Pop-pop made you ceo of the family business, and if you can't pull strings for your own daughter, who can you pull strings for?
Philip: I think it would be better for you, for you to work out this problem with chloe yourself.
Chloe: What problem?
Claire: Oh, god! Uh-- chloe. [Laughs] Hi. So, a little while back, you promised to let me sing on your next album, and every time I've try to book time in the studio with you, you just blow me off just a little bit.
Chloe: Oh, well, I've been really busy, but I would be happy to put something in the books as soon as you get my special herbal tea from the square.
Claire: You need that right now?
Chloe: Oh, you don't want something to happen to my voice before our session, do you?
Claire: No. No, no, no. Uh-- could you just maybe promise to book in that time, though?
Chloe: [Coughs] I really need that tea, sweetie. Yeah.
Philip: Claire, do as chloe asked.
Claire: Fine. Of course, i will be right back with that tea. Right back.
Chloe: [Sighs] I thought she'd never leave.
Philip: Excuse me? What do you think you're doing?
Chloe: Now, I was hoping that you and I could have a little private session of our own.
Jan: Claire really is philip's daughter?
Mm-hmm. And after belle found out, she went running to him as the escape she was looking for.
Jan: I'm so sorry.
Jan: I did try to warn you that belle didn't truly love you, not like I did.
Shawn: Yeah, I know.
Jan: I mean, did she ever dress up like an old woman to lure you into a trap? I don't think so. Did she ever put you into a baseball uniform or handcuff you to a bed or lock you in a cage just for the chance to be with you? No. But me, I put in the work. All she ever did was take you for granted. You know I'm right. You deserve so much better.
Shawn: Look, you know what-- I--look, I'm gonna take your statement another time, all right, I gotta get going.
Jan: Wait, what else did i miss? Did we solve climate change? Has someone been feeding my cat? Oh my god, what happened on "this is us"?
Shawn: Come on, seriously jan?
Jan: No, shawn, please. Can you just stay a little longer?
John: I'm sorry samantha. I never meant to hurt your mother.
Sami: Oh, really? Ha. You thought wrapping your hands around her neck and squeezing the life out of her wouldn't hurt?
John: I don't remember any of that.
Sami: Oh, right.
John: I mean it. One minute we were just sitting there and I was feeding her strawberries and whipped cream, and the next minute she was just lying there dead on the floor.
Sami: Okay, okay. First of all, the strawberries and cream thing is disgusting, it always has been and everyone thinks so. In the second place, nobody believes your story--not the jury, and certainly not me. You decided that my mom was cheating on you with my dad and you made her pay, didn't you?
Belle: Sami, shut up.
Sami: Oh, look who made it in time, it's stink. You get to see me shoot your dad up with a needle full of poison.
Belle: You'll do no such thing.
John: Did you get through to the governor? Did you get the stay of execution?
Belle: I'm waiting for his decision, but dad, I have a really good feeling about this.
[Phone rings] Oh, it's the governor's office.
Sami: Oh, well, isn't this the moment of truth?
Steve: Sweetness, do you ever regret not terminating this pregnancy?
Kayla: All I know is that I just couldn't do it. Once I felt him kick, I just thought maybe it'd be nice to have another baby around the house.
Steve: Even if he's stefano dimera all over again?
Kayla: Come on. He's going to be born an innocent little baby like everybody else. And maybe it will turn out differently because he'll have us as his parents.
Steve: I don't know. He's still from the same gene pool.
Kayla: Oh, well, what do you know? I think we're about to find out if our little experiment of nurture versus nature works. Oh--
Steve: What do you mean?
Kayla: I think my water just broke. Oh.
Steve: Are you sure?
Kayla: Yes, I'm sure. I'm a doctor, for god's sake.
Steve: We better get you to the hospital.
Kayla: No, no. No time. No time. Little stefano's about to be born. Oh, oh. [Exhales]
Bonnie: I have to tell you, father, you make the sexy priest in "fleabag" look like mr. Magoo.
Xander: You really think so?
Bonnie: You're breaking character again.
Xander: Sorry. I'm just a bit bored of this role play thing. Can we try something else?
Bonnie: Oh, oh, this is my favorite, honey. Besides, you promised me that we could re-do the father eric- kristen dimera sex video.
Xander: I just hate this collar, it's so itchy.
Bonnie: Come on, baby. Be a good boy toy, and do what mama wants, mm?
Jan: Grown up jack and lucy have a baby?
Shawn: Yeah, and jack's got a sister now, her name's haley.
Jan: I love this. What else happened?
Shawn: Nothing, I mean, that was the end of season four.
Jan: Last time I was in a coma, they invented the iphone and tiktok. This is all you got?
Shawn: Uhh, let me think about that--abigail's got an older sister that she never knew about.
Jan: Big deal.
Shawn: Okay, vivian alamain's alive again.
Claire: Hey, dad! I mean, shawn. Shawn. I'm still getting used to that.
Shawn: Yeah, yeah, so am I.
Claire: So you woke up! That is totally great.
Jan: I figured you hated me.
Claire: Well, we've had our ups and downs, but we're still friends and I could really use a friend about now.
Shawn: You know what, I'm gonna I'm gonna let you two talk.
Jan: Hey, shawn, don't be a stranger.
Claire: Are you still crushing on my dad? I mean, shawn? Shawn.
Jan: Some feelings never die.
Claire: But it's been, like, forever.
Jan: Not to me. I have a 15-year gap in my life and now this new one. Shawn's still in my heart, just like the pussycat dolls.
Claire: The what?
Jan: I can't believe they're not still a thing. They were so talented.
Claire: If you say so.
Jan: So you said you needed a friend?
Jan: Because they're about to fry your grandpa. Even though he deserves it, I do feel bad for you.
Claire: I will be lost without him, but no, that is not why I am here. Jan, I need some information about an old enemy of yours.
Jake: Which one?
Claire: Chloe lane.
Chloe: What's wrong?
Philip: You know what's wrong--I'm married to belle.
Chloe: Yeah, that's what makes this hot, forbidden pleasure.
Philip: But she's your friend, how could you betray her like this?
Chloe: Oh, please, like she has any right to judge me, the amount of times she's cheated.
Philip: Okay, maybe not. But I still don't get it. You said you weren't interested in me.
Chloe: Yeah, well, that was then, this is now. See, ever since I re-assumed this schoolgirl persona, it just made me think of our high school days and how much in love we were and how we couldn't keep our hands off each other. And I just want that kind of passion again, don't you?
Philip: If you put it that way, sure, I do.
Chloe: Oh, good answer.
Belle: I'm so sorry, dad.
I thought I had persuaded the governor.
John: It's not your fault. You did you best. I knew I should have hired carrie.
Sami: Okay, folks. Let's get this show on the road.
Bonnie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What'd you do that for?
Xander: I'm not in the mood.
Bonnie: Oh, come on, please. I know, I'll play that cardi b megan thee stallion song. That always gets things going. Come on.
Xander: We've been hooking up for months. Can't we just be ourselves? You know, just xander and bonnie?
Bonnie: You're sweet, but no. Let me tell you a little something about bonnie. Bonnie doesn't like boytoys who pout, mm-mm. Bonnie is the one who wears the pants in this relationship, and bonnie always gets what she wants. That's how this works. Now xan-xan doesn't like that, xan-xan he can go back to spending all his days and all his nights alone in this room. Do I make myself clear?
Xander: Look, I didn't mean to upset you. When sarah left me, you were there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. What I'm asking is for a little variety now and then.
Bonnie: Aw. [Purrs] Okay. Maybe you do have a point.
Kayla: Oh, oh, oh, this next contraction, I'm gonna have to start pushing!
Steve: You're good.
Kayla: Oh, I don't know if I'm up for it.
No, no, yes, you are. You're a doctor, baby. And I have seen the miracle of birth movie twice. We got this.
Oh, that dr. Rolf, I wanna ring his scrawny little neck!
[Screams] This is it!
Steve: All right.
Steve: You did it, sweetness. Came through like a superhero. Huh?
Kayla: Mm. Oh, he's-- I don't remember any of our other babies being born with a goatee.
Steve: No, no.
[Baby wailing] Ooh, I think he must be hungry.
Kayla: Stefano, if you think that I'm going to breastfeed you, think again.
Steve: [Sighs] Okay. I'll go down to the store and get some formula and a bottle, all right?
Steve: Take care of little stef.
Kayla: It's okay, your mama's here.
Jan: Chloe, a pop star?
Claire: Mm-hmm, I swear to god, and she is a total diva. She's turned me into her personal slave.
Jan: Why am I not surprised? Quit.
Claire: I can't because she promised me my big break.
Jan: She only said that so she can make you do whatever she wants.
Claire: Yeah, well, I know that now. Jan, what am I gonna do?
Jan: Next time she's taking a bubble bath, toss a radio into the tub.
Jan: You know, like I did to victor, only because nicole made me.
Claire: Yeah, but where am i gonna find a radio?
Jan: A plugged in blow dryer? Be creative.
[Gasps] Oh, or you could set her on fire. You're good at that.
Claire: True, true. Yeah, no, but if she's dead, how is she going to come through with her promise?
Jan: You might be right.
Jan: What you need to do is pull an eve harrington.
Claire: Who's eve harrington?
Jan: The title character from a classic movie, "all about eve"? Oh, boy. What you need to do is fix it so chloe can't make it to the concert or to the recording session, and then you step in like the trooper you are. Next thing you know, you're the new ghoul girl or whatever you wanna be.
Claire: I like it. I like it a lot. Fasten your seat belt, chloe lane. It's going to be a bumpy night.
Sami: Any last words before you buy the farm, john boy?
John: I love you and your brother so much, even though those bums are too busy to come and say goodbye. And sami, I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that you really are a mean, nasty, little--
Sami: Time's up. Let's do this thing, shall we? I've been where you are, and it is much better on this side of the needle. Okay, it's gonna sting, but not for long.
Belle: Oh, dad.
Marlena: Stop! Stop the execution!
John: Doc! Doc! Doc!
Jan: Like sands through the hourglass.
[Knock at door] Come in. You came back. It's because you forgot this thing, right?
Shawn: Well, and I got a damn parking ticket, but no, that's not why I came back.
Jan: Are you in the middle of a baseball game?
Shawn: Uh, no. Look, you were right before. Never, ever has anybody loved me the way that you have. And that's a very attractive quality. And I've--look, I've been in denial this whole time, and-- but now I just think that I've got to admit that, look, I've got feelings for you.
Jan: People say that, and i don't know what that means.
Shawn: Well, let me make it clear. I think it's about time that you and I give it a try. Hm? What do you think?
Belle: Oh my god, you're alive?
John: Doc, is it really you?
Marlena: Yes, it is, it is I, my love.
John: I don't understand. I tried to revive you and i couldn'T. Did dr. Rolf bring you back?
No, no, no. You see, the person you killed was hattie adams.
Sami: Well, I'll be damned.
Marlena: You see, hattie kidnapped me. And she threw me down a well because she wanted to take over my life again. Oh, but you know what? I couldn't let that happen. I fought it for so many months, and finally, I kicked and clawed and scratched my way out so I could make my way back to you to save you from whatever you've gotten yourself into this time.
John: Oh, thank god, doc. Listen, can you get me off this thing, it's killing my back.
Sami: Speaking of killing, you did still actually kill a woman.
John: What's the big deal? It's just hattie adams.
Sami: Oh, all right.
[Sweeping orchestral music]
Chloe: Oh, oh, that was fast.
Claire: Yeah, the last time i took too long, you threw a shoe at my head. Wait a minute, why are you two out of breath?
Philip: I was helping chloe with her vocal exercises.
Chloe: That's right.
[Rolls lips] And now I need my tea, thank you.
Claire: Yes, of course.
Chloe: It's getting cold.
Claire: Next time, I will get it right. But you should finish it for your throat.
Chloe: Mm, oh yeah.
Philip: Chloe? What's wrong?
Chloe: [Coughing] Oh my god! She's dead!
Claire: Don't worry, daddy, I've got an idea.
Steve: I got the formula, baby.
Kayla: Oh, thank god you're here.
Steve: What's going on? Where is baby stefano?
Kayla: You're not gonna believe this, but I laid him down, and I looked away for a second, and when I looked back, he was toddling out the door like some slimy sea monkey.
Steve: What are you talking about? He's a newborn. He can't even hold his head up.
Kayla: I don't know. Maybe rolf did something when he created him. Maybe he did something that allowed him to age quicker. All I know is that we need to find him before he hits his prime.
Steve: Right. Where would he go?
Bonnie: What's taking so long?
Xander: Yeah, I'm not so sure about this.
Bonnie: You're the one who wanted variety.
Xander: I know, but... this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Oh, pobrecito. Come to mama.
Jan: Shawnie, this is the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.
Shawn: Are you sure you're up for this? I mean, you just got out of a coma.
Jan: Trust me, I'm ready to start making up for lost time. Batter up, baby.
Shawn: Ohh. [Laughs]
Philip: Goodbye, ghoul girl.
Claire: Ghoul girl isn't gone, daddy. She's new and improved.
Philip: Claire bear... daddy's gonna make you a star.
John: I was so sure that i had lost you, darling.
Marlena: No. Not even death can keep us apart. You should know that by now.
Sami: Ugh, that is enough to gag a maggot.
Belle: Oh, face it, sami, my mom and dad will always find their way back to each other, and there's just nothing you can do about it.
Sami: I guess you're right, belle. But I can do this.
Sami: Oh, that felt good.
Kayla: Little stefano? Little stefano, where are you?
Steve: You in here, buddy?
Kayla: Steve, look, it's his blanket. But where could he be? Steven, you're supposed to wink.
Steve: I did wink.
Kayla: With the other eye.
Steve: Oh, right.
Both: April fools!
[Elevator bell dings]
Hey, I came here as fast as i could. Is it true?
Belle: Unfortunately, yes. Jan spears is waking up from her coma.
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