Days of Our Lives Transcript Friday 7/1/11 - Canada; Monday 7/4/11 - U.S.A.
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Provided By Suzanne
Will: Oh, son of a...
Abigail: The internet went out. Wait, that can't happen. That's like the sun going out.
Chad: No, it is out. And it's not just the computer.
Kinsey: I haven't finished updating my blog.
Gabi: Oh, so you mean there are people that don't know what shoes you chose?
Abigail: Okay, now that's cruel.
Chad: So what do we do?
Will: I have no idea.
Abigail: Isn't this kind of like when cat in the hat showed up?
Nicole: $700 for nothing. Oh, my sh--oh, hey!
Maxine: Move it, lady. Move it. You're standing in the doorway, boo-hooing about some totally inappropriate shoes. Aagh.
Kinsey: Those are Manolo Blahniks. I am so sorry.
Nicole: Thank you.
Justin: Okay, can I have your attention? The cop on the corner just told me that they are closing front street and Westridge avenue.
Justin: So it looks like we're gonna be here for a while.
Maggie: Well, it could be worse. Okay. Me and my big mouth.
Hope: Oh, my gosh.
[Laughter and chatter]
Hope: You think this is funny, don't you?
Bo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I had to beg roman to go on that trip for me so I could be here and see you in the fourth of July parade. Wouldn't it be just terrible if we were all there in California as a family?
Hope: Oh, yeah. All that sunshine.
Bo: Yeah. [Grunts]
Roman: Yeah. Yeah. I'm out here consulting on a case. Yeah, some TV writer snapped, went on a killing spree. Yeah, I know. Finding a deranged writer in L.A. Is like finding a thin person in Paris. How do we know it's a writer? A studio executive was brutally murdered. The perp wrote across his wall with the victim's blood, "you got any notes on this?" Yeah, I know. No, I don't know when I'll be back. You see, I've got this idea for a screenplay. Pretty simple idea really. It's a cop, kind of a loner, in a small, seemingly innocent town.
Chad: So even if we could go, the Cineplex is closed.
Gabi: Wait, you're telling me we're facing an entire afternoon with almost no media input?
Abigail: Yep, we're going cold turkey.
Will: Hey, you know what? I actually was just doing a paper for my media arts class.
Kinsey: Is that the same professor who taught the films of Keanu reeves?
Will: Yeah, so anyway I had to download all the movies that were nominated for best picture last year.
Gabi: We're saved.
Will: Uh, no. No, we're not. Actually, no batteries. [Groaning]
Abigail: Well, it doesn't really matter. I mean, we've seen all of them anyway.
Chad: I saw all of them, but one.
Gabi: Yeah, me too.
Kinsey: Yeah, I never saw that stupid computer mogul movie. Boring.
Will: I didn't see the western one.
Chad: Dude, it was a great movie.
Hope: Your father.
Maggie: Here you go.
Hope: Oh, sweetheart. I know you're disappointed, but you know what? Next year, the parade is gonna be bigger and better and so much more fun.
Ciara: Mother, a year is forever in this business.
Bo: You know what, let's go upstairs and see if grandma has something dry and warm for you, okay?
Ciara: I don't look like a swan. I look like a stupid, drowned duck.
Hope: Oh, no, honey. You look like a beautiful little duckling.
Bo: Come on.
Hope: You know, sometimes she really worries me. She's just so driven. "Mother"? Now she's calling me "mother"? My goodness. What?
Maggie: Oh, honey.
Maggie: Compared to her, at your age, you were eve Harrington.
Hope: I'm sorry, Maggie, but I don't know who that is.
Maggie: My favorite old movie. They don't make 'em like that anymore. Oh, it was great.
Brady: It's so nice to be marooned here with--with EJ in the room.
Nicole: Just try ignoring him, okay?
Brady: Yeah. Or we could go another way. You know, I could just go over there and give him a little, you know...
Will: So the western was a remake, right, of an old John Wayne movie?
Chad: Yeah, but what I really liked is the girl. She was... well, it's kind of hard to explain what she was like. It turns out the girl had true grit.
Chad: The girl was nominated for best supporting actress.
Abigail: Best performance by an actress using one facial expression.
Chad: I thought she was great. I thought the movie was great.
Melanie: I love what you have done with the place. Sir? Grizzled old man.
Melanie: I have a proposition for you.
Bo: Go away.
Melanie: A business proposition.
Bo: [Grunts] And who might you be?
Melanie: A young naif requiring the expertise of a drunk, over-the-hill, old coot.
Bo: [Grunts] Over-the-hill, old coot? Why, that is two times redundant. You would not happen to have a drink on you, would you?
Melanie: I do.
Bo: Thank you. [Spits] [Coughs and gags] Oh, that--what the hell is that?
Bo: Bah. God almighty. What a horrible way to start a day.
Melanie: It is 4:00 in the afternoon.
Bo: That's what I said. [Spits] Hmm. Now what is that on your head?
Melanie: It is my hat.
Bo: Hmm. You didn't think those pigtails looked silly enough on you?
Melanie: I came to talk business with you, sir. I'm prepared to pay you $50 for finding the man that killed my father.
Bo: Why don't you give him some of that there buttermilk?
Melanie: I do not know where he is.
Bo: Well, then this here conversation is premature.
Melanie: On the contrary, I'm paying you to find him and then kill him.
Bo: So what did this fella do to get you so angry at him? Buy--buy you that hat?
Melanie: He killed my father. And then he ran away like the coward that he is, and he is now holed up with Ned...some kind of condiment.
Bo: Ned, some kind of condiment? Hmm. Oh, yeah. Ned some--I--he's a bad man.
Melanie: Did you think that evil incarnate would be holed up with a gang of social workers?
Bo: Well, little miss, I'm not going out into Indian country in search of a friend of Ed curry. A man could get killed doing something like that.
Melanie: Old man.
Melanie: A man could get killed if he didn't.
Bo: Hmm. New skinny cow dreamy clusters candy?
Melanie: What are you doing?
Bo: Trying to get me an Emmy nomination. Hey, there, buddy.
Melanie: Do you not see that I am prepared to kill you?
Bo: [Grunts] You do not know how to handle a gun, little sis. You got to pull back the hammer. All the way. I bet you do not even have bullets in that thing.
Bo: My god, little girl.
Melanie: You have to help me. Otherwise, we two companions will not be able to teach one another life lessons.
Bo: Hmm. And the incredible violence we encounter along the way will eventually be uplifting. Am I right?
Melanie: The violence will only make for a more memorable adventure.
Bo: Well, little sis, let us remake movie history. Come on. Get on your horse.
Abigail: Isn't that just the way?
Abigail: A woman has to find some man to help her solve all her problems?
Chad: She needed help. What's wrong with that?
Abigail: Nothing. I just think a woman can do whatever a man can do. Especially if they have a mom in their corner.
Maggie: Oh. Seeing you in your little costume reminds me of when I was training for the Olympics.
Hope: What doesn't remind you of when you were training for the Olympics?
Maggie: I was working with the great Russian coach Olga Florina Kaburkinshack. I think. Anyway, she said--what did she say? Oh, my axels were music. My lutzes were poetry. Nothing could stop me from winning gold. Nothing. But you. Couldn't you, my precious little princess? You're worth 11 gold medals. But I did everything. I did everything for you.
Hope: Thank you, mommy.
Maggie: Pottery and princess mine. Pottery and... that hemline. So brave of you to draw attention to your thighs. But, you know, skaters are so muscular now. They're so huge in beefy girls like you. Oops. Well, I mean, in my day, skaters were like ballerinas. They were delicate and graceful and fragile.
Hope: You don't think I'm delicate, mother?
Maggie: In your sweet way, baby girl. Cake?
Hope: I'm in training, mother.
Maggie: You don't like my cake, do you? Hmm. You don't like anything I do to try to take care of you. Fine. Three hours of my life for nothing. But if you don't want cake... you don't want cake.
Hope: Are you happy now?
Maggie: Oh, honey. I hope that doesn't go... [Tapping] You know where.
Kinsey: Really? No, I thought the mother was sweet.
Will: Maybe that's why you're so weird.
Chad: I just thought the movie was terrible. One really great scene, though. [Slap]
Chad: The dance in the end, okay, come on. So moving.
Gabi: Well, I think that Hollywood must be the most bizarre place in the world. What?
Will: Actually, Grandpa Roman is out there right now. And I wonder what they'll make of him because he is definitely not L.A.
Roman: Well, so I see him as a guy who's been around the block, knows his stuff, and the women absolutely love him for it. They see the wisdom in his eyes. What's that? I don't really see it like that. Well, I guess I could rewrite it for Lindsay Lohan.
Melanie: I'm gonna go back to Maxine.
Bo: Should we get you a balloon?
Chad: So it was a great, great movie. It should have won best picture.
Kinsey: No, I keep telling you guys, it was boring. Who needs a movie with logarithms?
Abigail: I just--I didn't think it was realistic, you know?
Chad: [Mocking] "Realistic."
Abigail: People don't talk that way in real life. Do you think people talk that way?
Chad: So if something is outside your ken, you label "unrealistic"?
Abigail: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why do you assume it's outside my ken?
Gabi: Well, I'm not sure that saying something isn't realistic is the same thing as calling it unrealistic.
Chad: I assume it's outside your ken because your ken is very limited.
Will: Did anybody see the ken burns documentary on the civil war?
Abigail: Who are you to determine the size of my ken?
Kinsey: I used to dress my ken doll in Barbie's underwear.
Will: I just thought it was better than his documentary on baseball.
Gabi: Well, while it might serve some purpose to label an expectation unrealistic, movies by nature are not real.
Chad: You know, when Galileo adopted the Copernican system, his daughter was in a cloistered convent.
Gabi: So deeming it unrealistic is moot?
Abigail: Irrelevant. Ken refers to intellectual understanding and not a geographical location.
Gabi: I think it's pretty much a gray area.
Kinsey: I have mixed feelings about gray. So are you saying that you find the civil war more interesting than baseball or his handling of the subject matter was?
Chad: Isn't it obvious that taking a vow of obedience is antithetical to true intellectual exploration?
Abigail: And "cloistered" is not accurate. Her letters to her father prove that she had both intellectual and physical freedom.
Will: So if we use baseball as a metaphor for real life, then "tinker to Evers to chance" really refers to an arcane theory of probability.
Kinsey: See, I love the height at the heel, but the color was pearl gray, and you really just have to think to yourself, "is pearl gray an old lady color?"
Gabi: She sifted seven thick-stalked thistles through a strong, thick sieve.
Justin: Stop! Talking! All of you. Just stop talking. Now.
Chad: Someone really hated that movie.
Kinsey: So how did it turn out? The guy ended up a huge bum, right?
Chad: No, he's, like, a gazillionaire.
Kinsey: I'd like to meet him.
Abigail: I wouldn't. He kind of sounds like a jerk.
Chad: Maybe because he's smarter than everyone else?
Adrienne: So do you deny on April 27, 2003 my client wrote something on a window that ultimately made you a gazillionaire?
Chad: I made myself a gazillionaire. And what are you, like, 38d?
Nicole: That is so inappropriate. And what exactly is your status? Your relationship status, I mean. We know your financial status.
Will: That money should be mine. It was my idea.
Chad: You haven't had an idea since you learned how to work a remote.
Will: I thought we were friends.
Chad: You ignorant, moronic, uneducated, sentimental, provincial parasite... you're my best friend in the world.
Johnny 1: He's working for us. All the money he makes should be mine.
Johnny 2: You mean ours.
Johnny 1: Ours.
Chad: That's not fair.
Justin: All the money?
Johnny 1: All the money.
Johnny 2: And we want everyone to hate him. He's not as cute as we are.
Justin: I'm afraid they got you on that one.
Chad: I'm cute. In a geeky way. Don't you think?
Nicole: You didn't answer my question about your relationship status.
Abigail: He--he's misogynistic.
Kinsey: He demeans women.
Gabi: And he's obsessed with breasts.
Justin: And how does that distinguish him from any other straight man on the planet?
Adrienne: I think what they're saying is that he and this film seem to imply that women will demean themselves to bag a rich Harvard man.
Chad: Who wants to see my ideas?
Nicole: My client spent endless hours working on this idea. His mathematical genius is beyond question. And yet this man had absolutely no problem taking credit for something he stole.
Chad: I did not--
Justin: Easy. Careful.
Nicole: Oh, that's right. Keep him from spilling the truth.
Justin: You would have us believe that the billions of dollars that have been made should have gone to you?
Theo: Yes. It was all my idea. I worked my whole life on it. And he stole it.
Justin: My client would not steal.
Chad: Dude, lawyer guy, back off. Can I get a close-up here? Yeah, this is my rare moment of compassion and vulnerability.
Abigail: Are you thinking about his compassion and vulnerability?
Chad: I was thinking about all that money.
Kinsey: You know what I think? I think money can't buy happiness. [Laughs] That is not what I think.
Abigail: Somehow I knew that.
Kinsey: So, like I keep saying, that movie was boring. But at least it was about real people, not a bunch of Brits.
Abigail: I'm sorry, Brits aren't real people?
Kinsey: In the royal family? I'm supposed to gnash my teeth over their problems? So he had a stutter. He owned, like, half of downtown London.
Abigail: Okay, but it's about the problems that he had to overcome.
Kinsey: Like the way you talk is some big deal.
Abigail: It was for him. Actually, it is for lots of people.
Roman: And go.
Nicole: Hi, there. My name is Debbie, and this is my husband chuck, and we are your new neighbors. And I can see that we are living next to a real gardener. Your lawn is so pretty. Love the gnome.
EJ: Hello. Your lawn really is quite verdant. It must have taken hours of back-breaking labor, but your efforts have really paid off quite handsomely.
Roman: Oh, my god. EJ. Witness protection is about blending in. Just being another working Joe, okay?
Nicole: We're tryin'. Roman, please, just give him a chance.
Roman: Yeah, well, he talks like that out there, you guys won't last five minutes. Say Chicago.
Roman: There you go.
EJ: This is absolute lunacy. You realize you're asking me to butcher the language of Shakespeare. Of Milton. To turn my back on diction. To abandon the elegant elocution of Olivier, of Gielgud. I mean, to sound--to sound... like him.
Roman: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Nicole: Okay, honey. It's not that you just have an English accent. You have an English attitude.
Roman: It's a nice way of saying you talk too much.
Nicole: All right, sometimes American men, they just grunt. [Grunts]
Roman: It is manly. You know what, I give up. I give up.
Nicole: Okay, wait, wait. Roman, roman, please, we need your help.
Roman: All right. Okay. All right. But my methods are...
Roman: Yeah. And he is going to have to... [Grunts]
EJ: Nobody ever asked this of Hugh grant.
Roman: This is hopeless. American dudes can't even remember Hugh grant's name.
Nicole: All right. All right. Roman, I'm begging you. Our lives depend on EJ passing as an American. Please help us.
Roman: Okay. Okay. Let's start at the beginning. Hey, hey, hey, give me a beer.
Nicole: Give me a beer.
EJ: Hey, give me a beer. Please.
Roman: You clown! The bum was out!
Nicole: Oh, ump, what are you, blind?
EJ: That's an awfully bad call, I'm afraid, old boy.
Roman: All right. Here we go. One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two.
EJ: So growing up in England, nanny was awfully strict.
EJ: Oh, cruel. I remember one time, we were over at my friend Reginald's house. We were watching those American gangster movies, you know, as us chaps did. And afterwards we had tea in the nursery. And there was treacle.
EJ: And, well, it just sort of slipped out, you know? I mean, she--
Roman: Well, tell me, okay? Tell me. Come on.
EJ: Well, she put it in front of me and I shoved it away. And I said, "I ain't eating that slop." I mean, goodness, I knew I'd be punished. But for three days she made me watch nothing but Robert Donner movies. It was hell. It was absolute bloody hell.
Roman: You know what, EJ, it's in there. It's in there, man. You weren't born talking wussy. It was learned. You can unlearn it.
EJ: Now who the hell are you to talk to me like that?
Roman: I am your friend.
Gabi: That is just so inspiring.
Chad: Who's Hugh grant?
Kinsey: That's the movie that won best picture?
Kinsey: How? Nobody got killed. Nothing got blown up.
Will: World war ii started.
Kinsey: Yeah, and we're stuck watching elocution lessons. It's like we've forgotten what's at the heart of movie-making-- violence.
Kinsey: And that movie wasn't just violent. It was an uplifting story about love and family.
Brady: When can we have more sex?
Nicole: [Laughs] Whenever you want. Because when we have sex, I don't have to do this stupid Boston accent.
Brady: I like sex.
Nicole: Doesn't that set you apart.
Nicole: [Gasps] I think it's your ma.
Brady: I like meat, and I like hittin'. I like sex, meat, and hittin'.
Nicole: I think it's your ma and your sisters.
Brady: Those are girls, right?
Nicole: How many sisters do you have?
Brady: Eh, I don't know.
Nicole: I wonder if your ma knows.
Brady: Hey, should I put a shirt on?
Nicole: No, baby, you put on a shirt, you have no career. Now your ma and your sisters are coming. What are you gonna do?
Nicole: Let me do the talkin' and the actin'. Okay.
Hope: Look at you, skank!
Nicole: There's a doorbell, you know?
Brady: Hey. Quiet. Come on. Come on!
Nicole: Don't you all look nice?
Nicole: Straight out of the pages of truck stop fashion weekly.
Brady: Hey. Hey. Hey.
Nicole: Baby, baby, what'd I say about you talkin'?
Adrienne: Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, what's happening to us?
Nicole: Listen, old woman--
Adrienne: Shut up!
Maxine: Yeah, shut up.
Nicole: Don't! Don't!
Adrienne: What'd you say to me? Yeah.
Nicole: The amount of hair spray in this room, you really want to risk an open flame?
Maggie: I don't use hair spray.
Adrienne: Oh, shut up.
Abigail: Yeah, that's right. She doesn't.
Adrienne: She has a point. All right, I'm gonna make one of my transitions here. Hold on. Shh.
Adrienne: Maybe you don't understand, baby, but I have... one, two, three...a lot of kids, and I love them all the same. You, the crackhead, these lovelies, you're all the same to me.
Nicole: You notice how she stays exactly the same before and after one of her transitions?
Adrienne: All I ever wanted for you was for you to be world champion.
Brady: Yeah. Hey, yeah. I coulda--I could have been a contender.
Woman: That's right.
Maggie: Yeah, with that body.
Brady: Sorry, I was acting again.
Nicole: Yeah, he's trying to act again.
Adrienne: Oh, sweetheart, sweetheart, no. Your brother does the acting. You--you don't wear a shirt. There's an order to things. Okay? You look after your brother and I look after you.
Nicole: And they pursue the modeling careers.
Nicole: All right!
Nicole: You say that to me again, and I'm gonna rip--
Adrienne: Damn it, get me on Oprah. And I don't ever want to see another story about me that doesn't include the words Oscar buzz. I got to go. I got to go. Are you thinking about turning your back on your own brother?
Adrienne: Think--uh, think! Think. Think what that will do to icky.
Nicole: Who wants another piece of this, huh?
Adrienne: Is getting a piece of tail worth more than your drug-addled brother? No. Remember. Remember, a boy's best friend is his mother.
All: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Woman: Don't you forget it.
Adrienne: Right here, baby.
Abigail: Yet another lovely view of women.
Will: I didn't think the men were all that great.
Kinsey: So? Which one was the best?
Chad: Well, we know which one won best picture.
Kinsey: Dude, that's about artistic achievement. I'm asking, which one made the most money? My cut hurt!
Roman: Okay, okay, maybe it does need a little more work, but you've got to admit it is a killer ending.
Bo: [Grunts] You good on those pain pills?
Melanie: Good. Old man?
Bo: Yeah, little sis?
Melanie: That patch...
Melanie: Was it not on your other eye before?
Bo: Hmm. What do you know? So it was.
Melanie: Sorry if I am being intrusive, but why would you be sporting a patch if you are not missing an eye?
Bo: Well, see, my BFF had one. I always thought it was way cool.
Melanie: I do tend to agree.
Melanie: Old man?
Melanie: I want you to have my pappy's gun.
Bo: Hmm. You sure you can part with this?
Melanie: It has served its purpose. And you might need it where you are going.
Bo: Why, thank you. And you're right. Arizona don't take kindly to newcomers.
Melanie: And I want you to have my hat. To remember me by.
Bo: As if I--as if I could ever forget you. Little sis...
Melanie: I know what you are going to say. Is it ironic that we were able to somehow work through our initial suspicion that then evolved into grudging respect that somehow improbably evolved into mutual regard?
Bo: And all unspoken. Under a veneer of rough humor.
Melanie: Then our good-bye will be terse and gruff with oceans of subtext. Good-bye, old man.
Bo: Good-bye, little sis. Hey, you take her easy with that buttermilk.
Melanie: I will, old man. EJ: J'adore. C'est tres, tres, tres bien. Tres bien.
Maggie: How about some cake to celebrate?
Hope: You thought it was good.
EJ: C'est magnifique. Magnifique.
Hope: I thought it was a ten. [Gasping]
Kinsey: Well, I'll be going now. You'll be okay alone?
Chad: I have to be, don't I?
Kinsey: You must be tired. That was a very extensive flashback. Almost as long as citizen Kane's. Wouldn't it be ironic if you ended up alone reaching back through time for that one moment where you really felt any emotional connection? Nah, that's been done.
EJ: [American] So I decided to cut over on route 28 so I'd miss that [Indistinct] Traffic. You know, then I jumped on the interstate, I got off before I-97. You know, I took the old route 22 through to Kingston.
Brady: Yeah, I got to go somewhere else.
EJ: God, I tell you, I love this jerky.
Nicole: I am so proud of you. You are a real American man.
EJ: So I used to be the pride of...wherever that we are, but now you are, 'cause you got a powerful left, right? But not the moves, you know? I was tricky, always twitching.
Brady: You were tricky.
EJ: That guy over there, he always said I was tricky. Back when I was the pride of... did I already say that? I already said that, right? What did mom always say about talkin', huh?
EJ: Don't be talkin'.
Melanie: Okay! Rain stopped!
Maggie: Oh, I know, I know. Oh, my goodness gracious.
Ciara: Look, mommy. A rainbow.
Hope: Oh, honey.
Bo: Oh, yeah. You know what?
Bo: When it started to rain and the parade was cancelled and I couldn't see your swan dance, I was disappointed. But maybe it took an act of god to slow us all down so we could come together, reminisce... remind each other what it's like to be neighbors... and on this day, Americans.
Chad: [Sighs] You think we'll remember what happened here today? Tell our children about it?
Abigail: You know, I don't think so.
Lexie: You're worried about Rafe, aren't you?
Quinn: You came back to get Carly manning.
Jennifer: I am going to do whatever it takes to help you through this.
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