Days Transcript Thursday 9/28/06

Days of Our Lives Transcript Thursday 9/28/06 - Canada; Friday 9/29/06 - U.S.A.


Provided By Eric
Proofread By Niki

Max: [Chuckles] Are you relaxed?

Stephanie: Very.

Max: It's not too hot in here for you, is it?

Stephanie: I like it hot.

Max: too.

Billie: Just this beautiful, beautiful color.

Kate: Billie, must we eat here?

Chelsea: What's wrong with this place? Me and Mom love it.

Billie: She used to work here, and she's embarrassed 'cause she thinks one of the waitresses is gonna recognize her.

Kate: Oh, Billie, come on.

Billie: Well, it's true.

Kate: It's true this was a chapter in my life that I don't wish to revisit.

Chelsea: Come on, Kate. I'm not gonna think any less of you. I mean, it beats being a hooker, right?

Billie: Oh, come on.

Kate: Not by much.

Billie: You know what? You're right, Kate. We should go someplace else.

Chelsea: What? Mom, this place has the best burgers in town.

Billie: I know it does, but all of a sudden I don't feel like burgers.

Steve: Ladies...looking for a table?

Billie: Actually, we were just leaving.

Steve: Oh.

Billie: Yeah. This isn't exactly my mom's cup of tea -- this place.

Chelsea: You're Stephanie Johnson's dad, aren't you?

Steve: Yeah. You a friend of hers?

Chelsea: No. Not exactly.

Steve: Oh.

Billie: Oh, uh, excuse me. Steve, this my daughter, Chelsea.

Steve: Oh, yeah. Nice to meet you.

Chelsea: You, too.

Billie: And, uh, you remember my mom, Kate?

Steve: Oh, yeah, yeah. The smoking-hot mama -- I can't forget her.

Kate: Yeah.

Billie: Okay. Well, we got to go. See you later.

Kate: Honey! Don't be so rude. I mean, Chelsea said they have the best meat in town here. You don't want to pass on that, do you?

Bo: Here you go.

Belle: Thank you.

Bo: Feeling better?

Belle: Yeah, I think the cramps have stopped.

Hope: You "think"?

Belle: They have.

Hope: Honey, you should still get checked out by your Ob. Bo and I will drive you.

Belle: No, I'm fine, really.

Bo: Maybe that's true, but you don't want to take any chances with the baby.

Philip: Of course she doesn’t. What's going on?

Belle: Nothing.

Hope: She was experiencing some pain.

Belle: But I'm not anymore. I don't need to see a doc-- oh!

Philip: What's going on? What is it?

Belle: Oh, my God. It hurts so bad.

Philip: We're going to the hospital.

Hope: I'll call and let them know you're on the way.

Philip: Take it easy. Everything's gonna be okay it's all right. It's okay. It's okay.

[Knock on door]

Bo: Shawn, Mimi, are you there?

Shawn D.: It's my dad.

Mimi: What is he doing here?

Bo: Come on. Open up. It's Belle. It's an emergency. Hey, man. I -- oh. I'm sorry.

Shawn D.: That's okay. What's going on? What's wrong with Belle?

Bo: She's not feeling well. We're gonna take her to the hospital.

Shawn.: The baby. I'm going with you.

Bo: Okay. Mimi, would you mind keeping an eye on the baby?

Mimi: No, of course not.

Shawn D.: I'm sorry.

Mimi: I understand. Go. Tell her I hope she's okay.

Shawn D.: I will. Thanks.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of our Lives.

Steve: So, uh, Billie, I haven't seen you around the Cheatin' Heart lately. As a matter of fact, I haven't seen you around anywhere. I've been all over this burg looking for work, and I have not seen you. Where you been keeping yourself?

Billie: No place you'd go.

Steve: Really? Try me.

Billie: Well, I've -- I've been spending a lot of time at home lately. Being a single mother keeps me very busy.

Steve: Well, that's cool. But, you know, you don't seem like the typical domestic type.

Billie: [Laughs] It runs in the family.

Steve: That's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure you have plenty of other talents to spend your time and energy on.

Kate: She sure does.

Billie: Mother!

Kate: What?

Billie: My mom has this very bad habit of interfering in her adult children’s affairs.

Kate: Or lack thereof.

Billie: So, does this mean you're finally giving up on me and Bo?

Kate: Well, if you have, of course I have, darling.

Billie: Oh, you're right! Hey, Chelsea, do me a favor. Don't take relationship advice from Grandma Kate 'cause you've been in enough trouble already.

Steve: Ooh. Listen to your mama.

Shawn D.: Why is this taking so long?

Hope: The doctors have only been in there a few minutes.

Shawn D.: It seems like hours.

Hope: I know.

Shawn D.: I don't get it. Dr. Ross said everything was going great with the pregnancy. How could this happen?

Philip: How the hell do you think it happened?

Shawn D.: Are you blaming me for this?

Philip: Belle started having cramps right after you served us with those custody papers. You do the math.

Shawn D.: Hey, I never thought --

Philip: You never thought at all, because if you had, you never would have tried to take Claire away from us.

Shawn D.: She's my daughter. I have a right to be with her.

Philip: Shawn, you went to a lawyer without even talking to us first. We're supposed to be your friends. How do you think that made us feel? When I had to come to an agreement with Mimi about the baby that Belle's carrying, you went off the deep end. Now the shoe's on the other foot, and look at you. This is not some cut-and-dried legal case. You are talking about people's lives here.

Shawn D.: You think I don't know that?

Philip: I think you don't care about anyone but yourself, because if you did --

Bo: Come on, you guys.

Shawn D.: You're the one who grabbed Claire and ran off. You scared Belle half to death.

Philip: It is because of you that Belle might lose her baby.

Max: You know, we can -- we can go, and we can get --

Stephanie: Food?

Max: You're hungry now?

Stephanie: Very.

Max: All right. Dinner, then.

Stephanie: And dessert?

Max: We can do that.

Mimi: It's about time.

Bonnie: What are you talking about? First you tell me to go home -- I get all the way there -- and then you tell me to come back, with gas prices these days -- what are you doing here, anyway?

Mimi: Babysitting again.

Bonnie: Where's Belle? Claire's her kid. My God, what is she gonna do when she has two?

Mimi: If she does.

Bonnie: What do you mean? Did something happen?

Mimi: Belle's at the hospital. She had cramps or something again.

Bonnie: Miscarriage?

Mimi: That's what they're thinking maybe happened -- Philip, Shawn, half of Salem.

Bonnie: Do you know anything? Did anyone call?

Mimi: Not me. You know the drill.

Bonnie: Hey, honey, you know what they say -- no news is good news.

Mimi: It's just --

Bonnie: Yeah, I know. It's kind of a gray area -- trying to figure out what the good news and the bad news is in a situation like this.

Mimi: I don't want anything to happen to Belle's baby.

Bonnie: But if she were to lose it, it would be one less tie she has to Shawn.

Shawn D.: You son of a --

Bo: Take it easy.

Philip: The custody papers freaked her out. That's the reason she's here..

Shawn D.: She's here because you refuse to accept that I'm Claire's dad.

Hope: Stop it, both of you. This is what put Belle here -- the two of you fighting like this. Don't make things any harder than they already are. You've got to support her if you want her to have a healthy pregnancy.

Shawn D.: Philip doesn't want her to have a healthy pregnancy. He wanted her to have an abortion. You hate that Belle's carrying my kid and that we are gonna have another baby together. Admit it -- you don't want this baby. You wish it had never been conceived, and you wish like hell that it never had to be born.

Philip: Shut up!

Stephanie: I love Wu Fong's, especially the -- who ate the last egg roll?

Max: Why are you looking at me?

Stephanie: Who else?

Max: Dave.

Stephanie: Who's Dave?

Max: The cat I bought to keep the rats away.

Stephanie: What rats?

Max: The ones that like egg rolls.

Stephanie: I have never seen a single rat in here or a mouse. You're just trying to -- oh! Oh, God.

Max: Look at that! Whoa!

Stephanie: Where did you get that?

Max: It's Dave's.

Stephanie: Well, that wouldn't even fool him. It's totally fake-looking.

Max: Uh-huh. Is that why you jumped out of your skin just now?

Stephanie: I didn’t. It would take a lot more than that to scare me.

Max: Like the Salem Grand Prix? Huh? Does that make you nervous?

Stephanie: Do you want the answer I gave the daily Spectator or the truth?

Max: I'm glad you're human, too.

Stephanie: Did you think I wasn't?

Max: Sometimes you have nerves of steel, that's all.

Stephanie: Well, I don’t.

Max: You know, I can't believe I'm gonna admit this to the competition, but...I'm actually a little nervous about all this, too.

Stephanie: Any particular reason?

Max: Yeah. Shawn. He's got a lot riding on the new engine. I don't want to let him down. I mean, the guy's been through enough stuff already ?

Bo: Take it easy. Sit down.

Philip: Get your hand off me.

Nurse: This is a hospital. If you want to fight, take it outside, or I'll call the cops.

Bo: I am Salem P.D. I'll handle this.

Nurse: Okay, but keep it down.

Bo: What is wrong with you, Philip? You trying to get arrested again?

Philip: I'm trying to protect my family.

Bo: You keep this up, you're gonna lose them.

Philip: Is that what you want? Is that what all of you want?

Hope: No, of course not. Philip, no one knows better than Bo and me what you feel.

Philip: Then you should understand all I care about is Belle and her baby.

Shawn D.: Look, I'm sorry.

Philip: Shut up.

Shawn D.: Dr. Ross, how's Belle and the baby? Are they all right?

Bonnie: Hey, you want one?

Mimi: [Sighs] I'm watching a child, Mother.

Bonnie: It never stopped me. Besides, it might help.

Mimi: Oh, nothing helps. I hate the way I've been acting.

Bonnie: You know who could blame you for wanting to have your husband all to yourself? It's what every woman wants and every woman deserves. Sweetheart, you're not a bad person.

Mimi: Then whey do I feel like one?

Bonnie: Because of Belle -- midy-shoes -- making herself out to be so superior. Well, she's not. You are a good person, Mimi -- a much better person than she is.

Mimi: Well, you're my mom. You're supposed to feel that way.

Bonnie: Well, Shawn does, too. You're the one he married -- you, not Belle -- and you have every right to protect what's yours. And what happened with all that sexy underwear I bought for you, huh? Did it work its magic with Shawn?

Mimi: No.

Bonnie: Oh.

Mimi: But I did.

Bonnie: You and Shawn...

Mimi: Yes. But when we were in the middle...

Bonnie: Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Mimi: ...Bo came over to say that they were taking Belle to the hospital and could I watch Claire. I don't know how she does it. It's like she's got radar. Every time Shawn and I get close, she manages to find a way to come between us. I still think she was faking the cramps from the last time, but I could never say that to Shawn. It's like this big game of tug-of-war.

Bonnie: You're strong, baby. Pull him over to your side.

Mimi: Well, if it was just me against Belle, I would, but, Mother, she's got Claire and now this new baby on her side. I'm afraid that the three of them are a lot stronger than just me.

Dr. Ross: Belle's blood pressure is slightly elevated, but it's down from where it was, and it seems to be going in the right direction.

Shawn D.: What about the baby?

Dr. Ross: The baby's heart rate was a little slow. It's back to normal now, but I'd like to keep them both for observation.

Philip: For how long?

Dr. Ross: Let's see how it goes.

Shawn D.: She had those cramps before, and you said its nothing. Is this normal?

Dr. Ross: This is a little more concerning, but I understand Belle's been under a good deal of stress. The cramps have subsided and the baby looks healthy, so I'm optimistic for now. You can go in and see her, but she needs to take it easy -- both for her sake and your baby's.

Shawn D.: Dr. Ross, it's my baby.

Philip: And she's my wife.

Dr. Ross: Look, work it out, but no stress, got it?

Hope: We understand.

Philip: Thank you.

Hope: Philip, take a couple minutes to calm down, okay? Please? For Belle?

Philip: I'll be in there soon.

[Monitor beeping]

Shawn D.: Hey.

Belle: Shawn.

Shawn D.: What's wrong? Dr. Ross said that everything's gonna be okay.

Belle: I know. I was just -- I was so scared. I thought I was gonna lose our baby.

Stephanie: [Sighs]

Max: [Chuckles]

Stephanie: [Chuckling] Okay, I got it. There. What?

Max: The chopsticks have a mind of their own -- that's all.

Stephanie: Yeah, well, I showed them who's boss.

Max: You can drive a car 200 miles an hour, but you can't even operate a pair of wooden sticks.

Stephanie: I was just trying to be expedient.

Max: Okay. Well, let's pretend you're not in a hurry for a second.

Stephanie: Fine.

Max: Mm-hmm. Oh. Oh! All right, let a master show you. Right. So, okay. The top one -- start with this one -- the top one. Hold that like a pencil. Got it?

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

Max: Farther back.

Stephanie: Okay.

Max: The bottom one -- you move up and down -- up and down. Lift the finger here. Just nice and slow. Oh! There it is. [Chuckles]

Stephanie: All right. I got it. I got it.

Max: Okay.

Stephanie: Okay. I got it.

Max: Well, try and pick something up.

Stephanie: [Exhales deeply] [Clears throat]

Max: [Chuckles] Oh! That was good.

Stephanie: You're a good teacher.

Max: Well, I can hardly believe that no one's ever taught you that before. You grew up in L.A., Right?

Stephanie: Yeah. And I may be an athlete, but my fine motor skills suck. And I guess no one ever tried to teach me, but you're just better.

Max: Well, I -- no one's ever told me that before, so thank you.

Stephanie: I don't usually try this kind of thing in front of other guys.. I'm too self-conscious.

Max: So I'm just not another guy? I'm just the competition? Is that it?

Stephanie: No. You're not like anybody I've ever met, Max.

Max: Is that a good thing?

Stephanie: [Chuckles] Mostly. I don't know. When I'm around you, I just feel safe, like I don't have to be afraid.

Max: You scared? I-I would never have pegged you that.

Stephanie: Yes, even us daredevils get scared.

Max: What, like chopsticks? Rats? The Grand Prix?

Stephanie: Yeah, all that stuff. But mostly I think I'm just afraid of losing my dad again.

Kate: Chelsea, darling, your napkin in your lap. Sorry. I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.

Billie: Oh, yes, you would.

Steve: What's the matter? You afraid she's gonna corrupt her with some manners?

Billie: No, worse -- control her.

Steve: Maybe she's just trying to be a loving grandma.

Billie: Maybe I'm a virgin.

Kate: Honey, I am not trying to overtake your daughter's life. I'm just trying to groom her a little bit.

Billie: Well, why don't you get a dog? Hey, a pit bull would be nice.

Kate: Honey, someone needs to teach her how to get to the top.

Chelsea: And stay there.

Kate: That's right.

Billie: How about her mother?

Kate: Someone with experience.

Chelsea: You got to admit it, Mom -- when it comes to success, Grandma Kate is an expert.

Billie: That depends on your definition.

Steve: Whoa, whoa, ladies. Everybody back to their corners.

Chelsea: For real. You guys are acting like this some kind of boxing match or something.

Kate: No, we both just want what's best for you.

Billie: Only one of us knows what that is.

Steve: Ding, ding, ding. Ready for round 2.

Max: Are you afraid your dad's just gonna up and leave again, go back to Cincy?

Stephanie: No.

Max: Well, what, then?

Stephanie: You can lose somebody even if he's still here.

Max: Is that what you think is happening?

Stephanie: [Sighs] My dad's back in Salem, but he feels further away than ever.

Max: Well, maybe he needs some more time.

Stephanie: We've lost so much of that already -- Christmases, Tuesdays. I feel like he's right there -- so close I could just reach out and pull him into my world. What if I do... and it just pushes him further away?

Max: Look, I know what it's like to really get close to something and then be so afraid that you're gonna let it slip through your fingers.

Stephanie: I wonder if that's what my dad's afraid of. It's like he wants his old life back, then he doesn't, then he does, then he doesn’t. I don't know if he's afraid of his feelings or if he's just afraid of disappointing me and my mom. But the only way he could ever disappoint us is by leaving us again. Why doesn't he understand that?

Max: I don't know.

Stephanie: It's like something's pulling him away from me and my mom -- something really strong -- and I don't know what it is.

Chelsea: Well, since we are all finished eating and discussing my future, which, apparently, I have no say in, I'm gonna go start the fun part of my night.

Kate: Oh, that sounds fabulous. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Billie: You might want to raise your standards a little.

Chelsea: Okay. I got to go.

Steve: You got a date?

Chelsea: No. I'm just hanging out with some friends.

Billie: Don't be too late, okay?

Chelsea: Yeah, yeah.

Kate: I'll walk you out, sweetheart.

Steve: No dessert?

Kate: No. I'm gonna leave dessert to you and Billie take care, sweetie. Nice seeing you.

Steve: Good to see you, too.

Billie: Mothers.

Steve: So, what do you say? Are you interested in dessert?

Bo: Decaf.

Philip: A little caffeine might send me over the edge -- is that what you're thinking?

Bo: I thought we'd play it safe.

Philip: You've been in this position before, Bo. How'd you feel?

Bo: Like you want to kill someone.

Philip: Or everyone. It does something to you -- finding out that your kid is not your kid -- like you don't know what's real.

Bo: Hey, you, Belle, Claire -- that's -- that's real.

Philip: You're right. And now Shawn wants to take it all away from me -- my wife, my daughter, my entire life. I don't understand how this is happening. Everything I have ever believed in is just a lie.

Hope: No, it's not. Nothing can ever change the way you feel about Claire.

Philip: But someone can take her away from me. And if that ever happens.... I don't know what I'll do.

Shawn D.: I can't believe that you can already see the fingers and the toes.

Belle: I know.

Shawn D.: When you were pregnant with Claire, we missed out on all this.

Belle: I didn't even know I was pregnant with Claire at this point.

Shawn D.: It wasn't till she was born that I felt really connected to her, but I already feel so close to this baby.

Belle: It's okay. Go ahead.

Shawn D.: That's my kid.

Belle: That's our kid.

Shawn D.: Hey, I think he just kicked me.

Belle: Um, actually, she can't kick yet.

Shawn D.: We are talking about a Brady here. They're very advanced.

Belle: Oh, right. Sure. Okay. [Chuckles]

Shawn D.: Hey, you in there. This is your dad. What's the big idea of giving your mom so much trouble? We weren't expecting that for another 13, 14 years. Until then, your mom and I are expecting smooth sailing... so you behave yourself. You grow big and strong, and when you come out in a few months, you can live a long and healthy life. You got it?

Belle: So, what did she say?

Shawn D.: We're good.

Belle: Really?

Shawn D.: Mm-hmm. She understands who's boss.

Belle: Mom?

Shawn D.: Yeah. Yeah, there's no more problems till puberty.

Belle: Promise?

Shawn D.: You promise? She promises. Wow.

Belle: Look at the little nose.

Mimi: Hope said Belle and the baby are doing just fine.

Bonnie: Well, that's good news. It means Shawn will be home soon.

Mimi: Hopefully. Of course, he couldn't talk to me because he was in with the little mother. I'd love to be a fly on that wall.

Bonnie: Lord, have I not taught you anything? You don't want to be the fly, baby. You want to be the spider. Catch the man in your web.

Mimi: And then what, eat him?

Bonnie: Well, yeah.

Mimi: Mom, as usual, you're not helping.

Bonnie: Well, as us you're not listening. You march your butt across that hall, and you fix your man a nice, hot dinner. Maybe put on one of those sexy, little outfits I bought for you. [Gasps] The edible bra and panties.

Mimi: Oh, my!

Bonnie: You know what? Fine. Don't listen to me, really.

Mimi: Even if I did want to take your advice, who's gonna watch Claire?

Bonnie: Okay. Thinking. Thinking. Will this thing work over at your place?

Mimi: It should. Even when she's in the living room, we can hear Claire across the hall without the monitor.

Bonnie: Well, let's go, then. We've got a web to weave.

Mimi: W-- [Sighs]

Bonnie: Come on, honey.

Shawn D.: Well, I should go. Philip's outside waiting to see you, and I should get back to Mimi.

Belle: Yeah.

Shawn D.: I'm gonna work it out with Philip. We're friends -- you and Philip, me and Mimi. I want us to stay friends, and I want our lives back the way they were.

Belle: I want that, too.

Shawn D.: I should go, get back to my wife. We were right in the middle of something when I ran out, and, um...yeah, I should go.

Belle: Oh, wait. One more thing before you go. Have you heard anything about my mom?

Shawn D.: No, nothing yet. I'm sorry. But she hasn't been missing long, and your dad's on it. John will find her. You need to believe that.

Belle: Yeah. It's just one more piece of proof that you need to make the most of the time that you do have. So go, see Mimi. Give her a hug for me.

Shawn D.: I will. And get some rest. Remember -- I'm here if you need me, okay?

Waitress: Enjoy.

Steve: Mmm. I plan to.

Billie: Like love Devil's food cake. It's so good and yet so bad.

Steve: One of my favorite combinations. Mmm. Hey. Why'd you stop?

Billie: Not hungry.

Steve: Oh, come on. If you're worried about putting on a couple of pounds, don't be. You look good to me.

Billie: Steve, I told you, we can't do this.

Steve: You got something against getting together with me?

Billie: No. I like you...a lot.

Steve: All right. I like me, too. Common ground. Now we're getting somewhere.

Billie: No, we're getting nowhere.

Steve: Oh, come on. What is it, baby? Hey. [Sniffs] Oh, yeah, I showered, I flossed, I did mouthwash -- the whole thing.

Billie: Steve...

Steve: What?

Billie: The way you look at me.

Steve: What way is that?

Billie: Like I'm the only woman in the room.

Steve: Well, I do that because you are.

Billie: Really?

Steve: Absolutely.

Billie: And what about Kayla?

Steve: She's not in the room.

Billie: What if she was?

Steve: Well, I would do what I plan to do the next time I see

Billie: And what's that?

Steve: Ask her for a divorce.

Stephanie: [Sighs] What's this -- no fortune cookies?

Max: I don't believe in them.

Stephanie: How can you not believe in fortune cookies? That's practically un-American.

Max: It's a Chinese tradition.

Stephanie: Actually, the fortune cookie was invented in California.

Max: Thank you, smarty-pants. You just proved my point. They're bogus. Nothing can predict the future, let alone bring you luck.

Stephanie: Ah, a skeptic.

Max: Ah, a realist.

Stephanie: Yeah? Well, what do you do when reality sucks?

Max: You change it... and make it better.

Stephanie: Just like that?

Max: I said "realist," not "magician," okay? It's gonna take a lot of hard work.

Stephanie: So if my mom works hard enough, she'll be able to fix things with my dad?

Max: Look, the realistic approach doesn't necessarily work with love. I mean, the heart rules there.

Stephanie: How do you change somebody's heart?

Max: It's kind of like microwave popcorn. Nobody really knows how it works.

Stephanie: She never stopped loving him, you know?

Max: He'd be an idiot to let her go.

Stephanie: I think so. He has no idea what he'd be missing, and I don't think he ever will.

Max: You know, if I wasn't such a realist, I'd tell you that everything's gonna be okay.

Stephanie: Sometimes I wish I could just go someplace and forget about all this for a while.

Max: You can. He: [Sighs] Where did I put it?

Billie: Hold -- hold on here. Somehow we just went from you propositioning me to divorcing your wife.

Steve: Yeah.

Billie: Okay, well, call me crazy, but I think we missed a few steps here.

Steve: Well, you're not interested in adultery, are you?

Billie: No. Breaking up marriages is not on my top-10 list. It took me a while, but I learned my lesson.

Steve: Well, don't worry. You're not the reason I decided to end things with Kayla.

Billie: You're serious?

Steve: Yeah, I'm serious.

Billie: Well, hold on. I-I understand that you've lost big chunks of your memory and you don't remember Kayla, but don't you think you should try hypnosis or -- or therapy?

Steve: Baby, I've been on more couches than I care to count.

Billie: How can you be so cool about this? You're about to throw your life away -- a life that most people would kill for.

Steve: It's not my life. It belongs to a guy named Steve Johnson who I don't even know. Look... I've woken up with my share of strangers, and I know that I sure as hell don't want to be married to one...or to a life that I don't even remember.

Billie: Why me?

Steve: Why you? I don’t know you feel, uh... familiar. Look... I just think we're two people looking to connect -- that's all.

Billie: That's all, huh?

Steve: Yeah. Simple. So, Billie... what are we gonna do?

Bonnie: Mmm. Do you have any horny goat weed?

Mimi: Uh, no.

Bonnie: Dang. Well, that just means more peppers.

Mimi: What are you making?

Bonnie: An aphrodisiac stew -- one that will stand Shawn's hair on end, among other things.

Mimi: Well, if it doesn't kill him, I guess.

Bonnie: Ha ha ha ha ha.

Mimi: What is in there? Never mind. Lord. What do you think?

Bonnie: What happened to the edible underwear?

Mimi: They're underneath.

Bonnie: Excellent!

Mimi: Do you like this or not?

Bonnie: Wait. Let me see. Come here a little closer. A little more cleavage. Baby.

Claire: [Crying] And a little less baby.

Mimi: [Sighs] I got to go check on her.

Bonnie: I'll come with. Maybe I can help you with that cleavage.

[Door closes] [Monitor beeping]

Belle: Hey.

Philip: Hi. How are you feeling?

Belle: I'm feeling better.

Philip: Good. I was worried about you.

Belle: We're both okay.

Philip: Well, let's hope this little one isn't planning on making a habit of this.

Belle: I think Shawn set him or her straight. I'm sorry.

Philip: We can’t pretend that he doesn't exist... that he isn't part of this, right?

Belle: I know, but I don't want to make this any harder on you.

Philip: Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself and this baby. You're right, you know? It's taken me a long time to get it, you're absolutely right. Biology doesn't matter. I'm gonna love this baby as much as I love Claire... 'cause the only thing that I care about is protecting my family -- you, Claire, and this baby. You mean everything to me.

Shawn D.: Mimi!

Claire: [Crying]

Mimi: What's wrong with her? I changed her diaper. She doesn't want her bottle.

Bonnie: You know what? Let me take a look. Okay. All right. Okay. Come here, baby.

Mimi: What are you doing?

Bonnie: Well, you know what? Oh, yeah, just what I thought. All this fuss over a little tooth coming in.

Mimi: Oh, you poor baby.

Bonnie: Yeah. Come on, baby. I say give her some scotch.

Mimi: That's your answer to everything

Bonnie: All right. Fine. Give me the little sucky thing over there.

Mimi: Over where?

Bonnie: Over there on that thing. It's not my weapon of choice, of course.

Mimi: Here. [Crying continues]

Bonnie: Shh! Shh! Oh. No, no. Scotch, I'm telling you.

Mimi: Okay, well, let's talk about something you do know about -- this little love potion you've made for my husband.

Bonnie: And you thought I couldn't cook. All right. The table's set, and dinner is ready. Be sure to serve the soup first, and if that doesn't get his libido going, I'm gonna start to wonder about that boy. Keep the lights uh, this low.

Mimi: Oh, I really hope all this works.

Bonnie: Honey, he'll be knocking on your door before you finish the first course. [Speaking baby talk] [Crying continues] [Door closes]

Mimi: I wish I could as sure about all this as you are.

Bonnie: Trust your mama. Everything's gonna work out just fine. It has so far, hasn't it?

Mimi: Yeah, but if Shawn ever found out I've known along that Claire is his daughter, he'd never forgive me.

Chelsea: You say one thing and then do another. I saw you kissing Steve Johnson.

Mimi: I love you. I just made a terrible mistake.

Shawn D.: Yeah, so did I -- the biggest mistake of my life.

Chelsea: If hope can't forgive you, then maybe you're better off with somebody else.

Belle: When two people love each other, nothing should keep you apart.

Hope: Maybe you should try taking your own advice.

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