Days Transcript Friday 9/8/06

Days of Our Lives Transcript Friday 9/8/06 - Canada; Monday 9/11/06 - U.S.A.


Provided By Eric
Proofread By Niki

Chelsea: Here...Dad.

Bo: So, [Chuckles] This is your story, and you're sticking to it?

Chelsea: Well, it is the truth.

Bo: [Chuckles] "Truth." Right.

Chelsea: I'm gonna tell you one last time. Yes, I left the file with Claire's DNA report in Shawn's cubicle because that is the one place where I knew he'd be sure to see it.

Bo: Man, this was a humanitarian act?

Chelsea: Mock me if you want, but at least I was trying to give Shawn a chance to know the truth -- at least I thought it was the truth.

Bo: Okay. If Shawn was Claire's father, that would probably be in Claire's hospital records, and everyone would know about it by now, don't you think?

Chelsea: I don't know. Just believe whatever you want to believe, but don't you dare believe that I had anything to do with the embryo switch. That's disgusting.

Frankie: You've said enough. Can we go now?

Bo: I'd like a minute alone with her, counselor.

Frankie: I'm sorry, Bo. I can't allow that.

Bo: I'd like a minute alone with my daughter, please.

Chelsea: It's okay.

Frankie: I'll just be outside. You play fair.

Chelsea: Go ahead and yell at me if you want. Just don't look at me that way.

Bo: What way? Like you took my youngest son's life and didn't pay for it? Like you ruined my marriage? And now you're trying to ruin Shawn's life.

Chelsea: I'm not trying --

Bo: Like hell you're not. But this time, little girl, you're not getting away with it. This time you will pay. I promise, father to daughter.

Mimi: [Chuckles]

Shawn D.: You're welcome, Bonnie.

Maggie: Well, hello. Oh, Shawn, it's so good to see you up and around again.

Shawn D.: Thank you.

Maggie: Mimi, you look adorable. Can I have a hug?

Mimi: You look gorgeous. I love your outfit.

Maggie: Well, I'm kind of a slave to fashion, I guess.

Bonnie: How about getting us a table?

Maggie: And then there's some styles that never seem to go away. Yours being one of them Shawn. Here we go. Your waiter will be here in a minute, and I'll bring over the appetizer special, and it's gonna be on the house.

Shawn D.: Oh, thanks.

Maggie: Nothing's to good for the people I love.

Bonnie: Speaking of which, Mimi and Shawn are treating me tonight.

Maggie: Oh, how special for you. Enjoy your evening.

Bonnie: I've got half a mind to pop the air out of that...

Mimi: Put down the fork.

Bonnie: Who does she think she is treating me like some floozy?

Mimi: You know, I think, probably, she's still a teensy bit threatened by you over the whole Mickey thing.

Bonnie: You think?

Mimi: Sure. Now can we drop it and just try and have a lovely evening? Because Shawn and I really need this night out. We like Chez Rouge. We'd like to keep coming here if that's okay.

Bonnie: For my baby and her hubby, I could put up with that red dye job for a couple hours. At least mine looks natural.

Mimi: Okay. Honey, I know it's hard to get a word in, but you're being awfully quiet tonight.

Shawn D.: Sorry.

Mimi: Don't let her bother you. She's gonna be on her best Bon behavior for the rest of the night. Isn't that right, Mother?

Bonnie: I'm sure gonna give it the old college try, even though I didn't go to college. I went to beauty school, though, but that's another story entirely.

Mimi: Honey, something's bothering you.

Shawn D.: No, I'm fine. I'm fine. They had the press conference down at the Salem Grand Prix today. I just wish I'd gone.

Bonnie: Really? I was watching my favorite story today. They didn't break in with the news.

Shawn D.: The news story wasn't about the Grand Prix. It was my father hauling Chelsea down to the police station.

Bonnie: You're kidding me, right? All she got for killing Zack was community service. Don't tell me she broke her parole.

Mimi: Mother. Keep quiet. What happened? Why did your dad arrest Chelsea?

Shawn D.: Well, he didn't arrest her yet, but he thinks she's the one who planted the phony DNA test in the hospital room. That's why Philip called me before. He was telling me what was going down, so I headed to the precinct.

Mimi: Why didn't you tell me?

Bonnie: Hang on. Chelsea left that file for you?

Mimi: Why did she think that we would fall for that total crap and you being Claire's biological father, when you and Philip and Belle and I all know that it couldn't be true?

Shawn D.: Yeah, I know.

Jennifer: We got to go to the police with this right now.

Jack: Oh, come on. Right. We're gonna go to Commander Roman Brady's office, pop this list down in front of him, and say, "take a look at this list of 50 names. Take a look at that one. That's your killer. Shocking? Yes. Stunning? Yes. But that is the person who killed Officer Eve Michaels." And then he'll say... he'll say... take it away, Jennifer.

Jennifer: He'll say, "you call this proof? One photograph, the name on a gun registration, and the word of some stinky old man who smokes cigars in a pawn shop and takes all your money?"

Jack: No offense, Sal.

Sal: No offense taken. So, uh, what are we gonna do now, Jackie?

Jack: I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna get some evidence that no one can sneeze at. That's what we're gonna do, Sal.

Jennifer: Oh, no. No, Jack. I know that look, and I don't like it.

Jack: It's time to contact deep throat.

Jennifer: No, Jack. No.

Jack: It's time. Trust me.

Jennifer: Great. Famous last words, Jack.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of our Lives.

Jennifer: Jack, how are we going to find deep throat? Put an ad in the newspaper? We don't know his name. We don't know his phone number. We don't know anything.

Sal: What must the word amongst my colleagues?

Jack: Would those esteemed colleagues be in or out of the pen?

Sal: Both. It's just like the old days when your pop and me was in San Quentin. News travels fast.

Jack: Well, uh, sure. Go for it. I know, telephone, smoke signals, whatever works.

Jennifer: I think he's waiting for something.

Jack: Are you waiting for something.

Sal: Alms for the poor.

Jennifer: [Sighs] He wants more money.

Jack: [Chuckles] Sal. I'm tapped out. You took all my money. It's gone.. You took it.

Sal: I'd take that clock off your hands. That'd bring a nice high price on the street.

Jack: The watch off my wrist?

Jennifer: Just give it to me.

Jack: The things I do for a Pulitzer.

Billie: Oh, thank God you're here. Where is she?

Frankie: She's in with Bo.

Billie: What? I take it back. I don't thank God you're here. How could you leave her alone?

Frankie: He wanted to talk to her, father to daughter. Come on, Chelsea okayed it.

Billie: What is she supposed to say, "no, I don't want to spend time with my arresting officer/father"?

Frankie: I'm in a difficult position here.

Billie: Look, he is so angry with her. I'm just afraid that he is gonna do or say something that we're all gonna regret.

Chelsea: Dad, you have got it all wrong. I was trying to help Shawn.

Bo: Ha. No, tell me another one.

Chelsea: He's my brother. I care about him.

Bo: Zack was also your brother.

Chelsea: I know that I can't change what happened to Zack, and I know that I can never make it up to you or Shawn or Hope, but I want to be a part of this family.

Bo: Mm-hmm.

Chelsea: I miss you, and I am trying to be the person that you always wanted me to be.


Bo: You know, if that were true, I wouldn't have had to bring you into the police station. Chelsea, I don't believe you. A judge and jury are not gonna believe you, either. Not after your history.

Chelsea: Damn it. I did not change those embryos.

Bo: This isn't about embryos. We make these charges stick, you go away for a very long time.

Chelsea: How do you plan on making the charges stick? You have no proof against me, and you're not gonna get any.

Bo: Yours were the only fingerprints on that document.

Chelsea: That only proves that I had the file in my hands. It doesnít prove that I made up some false DNA report. Do you even have evidence that proves that it's not true? What if Shawn really is Claire's father?

Bo: One way to find out. We check Shawn's DNA against Claire's.

Shawn D.: We'll take more water when you get a chance. Thanks.

Mimi: Mom, your menu.

Bonnie: I've got a taste for something.

Mimi: You already ordered a filet mignon with brandy sauce, a pear-and-walnut salad, and escargot. How much more could one woman eat?

Bonnie: I'll have the "Ratatool" as a side dish. Then to have my vegetables.

Waiter: Very good, madame.

Bonnie: Thank you.

Mimi: It's ratatouille.

Bonnie: Tomato, "tomahto." Same taste. Doesn't matter how you spell it. Just like some people never change on the inside, no matter how much they lie and say they have, if you know what I mean.

Mimi: Gosh, whoever could you talk about?

Bonnie: That Chelsea. I hope they roast her little butt in court, send that witch away for a long time. First she kills Shawn's little brother, and then she changes Claire's hospital records. You must want to beat the you-know-what out of your little sister for messing with Claire's file.

Shawn D.: She actually said that she was doing me a favor.

Bonnie: [Coughing, choking] Ow! Where's that water?!

Mimi: Mom, keep it down, okay? Shh.

Bonnie: I'm sorry. It just...was the shock of hearing Shawn say that Chelsea was doing him a favor. I mean, is there a black hole in that girl's skull or what? And not only does Claire have the Kiriakis name and fortune, she's the spitting image of Philip.

Shawn D.: You really think so?

Both: Sure.

Bonnie: [Grunts]

Mimi: Don't you?

Shawn D.: I don't know. To me, Claire doesn't look like Philip at all.

Maggie: Well, she must. Here are your appetizers. Enjoy.

Bonnie: Of course she must. Philip's her daddy.

Maggie: Touchy. That's not what I meant. I meant that the last time I sat for Claire, I saw some baby pictures of Belle, and Claire doesn't resemble Belle in the least, so I guess she's her daddy's daughter.

Jack: Thanks. I owe you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sal: Tell Anthony Sal said, "make some noise."

Jennifer: "Make some noise"?

Sal: It's the lingo, kid. What do you got?

Jack: A promise, but he's good for it. You?

Sal: Right.

Jennifer: What do we do now?

Both: Wait.

Jennifer: Wait? I'm climbing the walls in this place.

Sal: You need an activity, Jenny.

Jennifer: This isn't summer camp, Sal.

Sal: Why should we let them rotten kids have all the fun? Set 'em up.

Jennifer: Checkers?

Sal: Knock yourselves out.

Jennifer: I beat Jack at checkers all the time, Sal.

Jack: You lie like a rug in the oval office on the 4th of July.

Jennifer: Really? Christmas Eve three years ago we played checkers in bed. The loser had to --

Jack: I remember that you won that one game, okay? So I'm pulling up a chair square if you dare, my lady fair.

Chelsea: Do it. Test Shawn and Claire. Then you will find out that I'm not lying. I'm innocent.

Mimi: So you don't think Claire looks like Belle? I personally don't think babies ever look like their parents. I didn't look like my mom or dad, so it doesn't really matter.

Maggie: Well, I've just seen a lot of babies, Mimi, and I --

Bonnie: Did they even have photography when you were born?

Maggie: [Chuckles]

Mimi: Let's call it even, and end this, okay? Claire looks like a combo of Belle and Philip. Mmm. Maggie, this is amazing. What's that spice?

Maggie: It's rosemary -- you know, like the movie? Mia Farrow and her baby?

Bonnie: And we all know who that baby daddy was. Ugh. I've had better.

Maggie: Have you now?

[Cellphone rings]

Shawn D.: Hello?

Bo: Hey, it's me.

Shawn D.: What do you want?

Bo: I'm at the station. I need you to come down for a DNA test.

Shawn D.: We already know that I can't be Claire's father.

Bo: This isn't so much about Claire's paternity as Chelsea's guilt. We prove that, that document was doctored, they'll be tougher on her in court.

Shawn D.: Well, I am out to dinner with my wife.

Bo: Okay. You want justice or not?

Shawn D.: You damn well know I do. I'll be right down. I have to go out for a while. I'm sorry.

Bonnie: You're walking out on us? Mimi, talk to him.

Mimi: Honey, what's going on?

Shawn D.: I have to go down to the station and take a DNA test.

Mimi: What?

Shawn D.: It's to prove that my DNA does not match the one that was in the report. I'm sorry. But I'll be back for dessert, so why don't you order that volcano thing that you and I love so much? One plate, two forks, okay? Three forks. Three forks.

Bonnie: You're sweet.

Mimi: Hurry back. Oh, my God. I always knew this day would get me. He's gonna take that DNA test and his DNA's gonna match and then he's gonna know the truth. Where's that gonna leave me?

Jack: No. Um... ah.

Jennifer: [Sighs]

Jack: Aha! Boink, boink, boink, boink, boink. [Laughs] King me, baby!

Jennifer: Are you kidding me? In another lifetime. You're cheating. Sal, he's cheating.

Jack: I'm not cheating. I've got a reputation to maintain here.

Jennifer: What are you talking about? You just skipped two squares. Right there. One, two. What about my reputation? Eveís a square.

Jack: Did you miss the fact that you're losing?

Jennifer: You're cheating.

Jack: You're losing.

Jennifer: I don't lose at the game of checkers, Jack. I beat you every single time --

[Cymbal crashes]

Sal: Whoa, stifle yourself. You two are worse than my better half. You really take the cake. Philomena, love of my life' I tell you to rest in peace if I didn't think you was up there driving people nuts left and right just like these two.

Jennifer: Our game!

Jack: I was winning!

Sal: No, it's been called on account of the fact that you're driving me nutso. You want to fight, go to Tommy's gym and do it right, but not here. A man's got to have his peace.. Come on, will you? Scramola.

Jack: I got my money. Hey, wait, Sal. Wait. You got to promise me you're gonna give me a call on my cell if you hear anything -- anything at all.

Sal: I'll think about it.

Jack: Don't think about it. You got to do it. Swear on his sorry or, even better yet, on my watch.

This could be a matter of life or death.

Bonnie: This brandy sauce could use a little more kick. Hmph, that's Maggie Horton for you. She's on the wagon, so the whole world has to be sober.

Mimi: I thought you watched the cooking channel. The alcohol burns off when you cook it.

Bonnie: Well, they should put that on the menu. Stop wasting the bread. It's the only part of this meal worth eating.

Mimi: I'm nervous. Bad enough my husband's having a baby with his ex-girlfriend -- A.K.A. The love of his life -- but he's about to find out that her first baby is his, too. I don't see what chance I've got.

Bonnie: You have got the most important thing on your side -- Shawn loves you. He's always fussing over you, getting you sweet little presents, taking you out to nice places, and then getting you home, getting you cozy between the sheets.

Mimi: Oh, well, why don't I get you a megaphone so the whole restaurant can hear you?

Bonnie: Nothing to be embarrassed about. You know how to make Shawn happy, and that's one thing you got from me.

Mimi: Mom, dad left you. Mickey left you for Maggie. Is that what I have to look forward to -- a lifetime of loneliness?

Bonnie: Well, men don't always know when they have it good. It's my fault anyway. I've never been as smart as you. I never had the sense to go after someone decent like Shawn Brady -- at least not anyone who wasn't already married.

Mimi: Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just really freaked out right now. I don't want to lose Shawn. But if he finds out Claire is his daughter, I don't see how I'm gonna hold onto him.

Bo: Shawn's on his way. [Telephone beeps] Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Your mom's here to see you. [Knock on door] Hey.

Billie: Hi.

Bo: I'll give you guys some time alone.

Chelsea: I didn't do it. Whatever they told you, I didn't do it. Please say that you believe me.

Billie: I believe you. Come here.

Chelsea: My dad hates me.

Billie: No. No, he doesn't, and neither do I.

Chelsea: I really just don't get how life works at all.

Billie: None of us do.

Chelsea: The only reason I even came across that file was because I was doing my community service. I was just filing away, and then there it was. Kiriakis -- file under k's. And I went, "wait a second. That's Philip's kid." And being me, I had to just open it and see what it says. But, Mom, I wasn't trying to hurt anybody. I just wanted to make Shawn feel better.

Billie: I know, but that reasoning doesn't always make sense to a lot of people.

Chelsea: I killed his little brother.

Billie: He was your little brother, too.

Chelsea: No, no, I don't get to say that. I didn't know him long enough. I mean, Shawn held him when he was a little baby, and I think that when Zack died, so did a part of Shawn.

Billie: I think you're right about that, sweetie.

Chelsea: First I find out that Shawn gets admitted into the hospital, and then I hear a couple nurses say he might die. And I think, "God. Seriously, how much can one family take? What would it do to dad and to Hope if they lost another kid?" And I have this file, and I think, "what it says might give Shawn hope. And if he knew that Claire was his little girl, then maybe it'd give him a reason to really try to stay alive." And that is why I left the file in his room. You believe me, don't you?

Billie: Yeah, I do. I do believe you, Chelsea. I'm just trying to take all this in, you know?

Chelsea: Shawn still doesn't believe me. He thinks that I made up this whole thing, and the weird thing is that he mentioned that he and Belle never even slept together, which I don't understand because why would the file even say that Claire was his child if she isn't? And I didn't do it just to score points with Shawn. I really, really wanted to do something good for once.

Billie: Was this the good deed you were telling me about?

Chelsea: Yeah.

Billie: Oh, Chelsea.

Chelsea: The first time that I ever did anything nice. But it's gonna be the last.

Bo: I'll have the lab put a rush on this.

Shawn D.: I hope you don't expect me to wait around.

Bo: No, I'll give you a call with the results.

Frankie: Yeah, call me, too.

Shawn D.: Why are you defending her, by the way? Are you hard up for the cash?

Frankie: I'm gonna slide. Billie wanted my help. People are presumed innocent --

Shawn D.: Until proven guilty. Yes, I know. And how much proof do you need? And, Dad, when you get it, are you gonna actually hold onto it this time, or are you gonna throw it out?

Bo: I want her punished as much as you do if she's responsible.

Shawn D.: If she is responsible?

Frankie: Shawn, you're being awfully hard on your dad. He's just trying to make sure justice is done.

Shawn D.: There's no such thing as justice.

Frankie: Things don't always work out the way you want them to. They work out the way they do, and you have to deal with it. Believe me. I know what I'm talking about..

Jennifer: What are you writing?

Jack: The setup. The background on Eve. Her life at the P.D. You know, the bare bones of the story. After I get together and have my meeting with deep throat, I'll be able to flesh this story out.

Jennifer: Jack, come on. A watched phone never rings.

Jack: I know. I know. [Sighs] I think it is so great just to be back in the saddle again -- back on the investigative trail with you, kind of like Roy and Dale.

Jennifer: What does that make Sal -- trigger?

Jack: Sal. What a character. I could write a story about him. Next thing I'm gonna do is write a book. I'm gonna write a book about exploits of Sal and guys like him.

Jennifer: And your father?

Jack: I wouldn't go that far. [Sighs] This is so great just sitting here working on a story again. I feel like a new man.

Jennifer: I was thinking maybe this really isn't the greatest idea.

Jack: Don't go there.

Jennifer: What if you're not in remission, Jack?

Jack: No I'm not in remission. But if I am, terrific. In the meantime, let's just wait for the facts -- wait for the facts until they come, hmm?

Jennifer: I was just thinking maybe we should call and see --

Jack: They'll let us know when it's time. Until that time, I'm just gonna live. I'm not gonna waste any more time worrying about how much time I might have. Nobody can answer that anyway.

Jennifer: But what I-- okay.

Jack: What if...? What if...? Look at me. What if we take this moment right here -- you sitting at your desk, looking down at me, adoring me, me kneeling in front of you, making a few important changes in your copy -- and just appreciate the heck out of that?

Shawn D.: If we're done here, I'd like to get back with my wife.

Bo: Hey, can we, um...

Shawn D.: Can we what?

Bo: Talk?

Shawn D.: Talk? Depends. What about?

Bo: You. How you doing?

Shawn D.: Well, I'm out of the hospital. They say I'm gonna be fine.

Bo: Okay. This situation with Belle -- you know, having a baby together when you're married to someone else -- can be tough. You said that's why you drank so much -- the stress of working out who sees the babies when once they're born.

Shawn D.: Mimi freaked out on her for a while. She's concerned about me being involved with Belle's baby. She tried to set some limits. Yeah, it's hard for her.

Bo: Hard for you, too?

Shawn D.: Well, I made it clear with Mimi that I'm not gonna be hands-off.

Bo: Okay. If you're seeing the baby, you have to see the mom. You okay with being hands-off of Belle, too?

Mimi: Everything was delicious.

Bonnie: Well, the ratatouille was a little on the salty side.

Mimi: We're gonna order dessert, but we're gonna wait till my husband gets back, so can we have some coffee for now?

Waiter: Of course, madame.

Bonnie: Thank you.

Mimi: Probably the last dessert Shawn and I will ever have together.

Bonnie: That's loser thinking. Hey, you've got to think like a winner.

Mimi: How can I win, Mom? Belle's got two children now with Shawn, how many do I have with him? Oh, let's see. None. I'm a real winner. Short of pulling a Sami Brady, I'm through.

Bonnie: A "Sami Brady"?

Mimi: Yeah, break into the hospital lab, switch the DNA results -- Sami Brady.

Bonnie: I knew there was something about her I liked besides her hair. Now, see, changing the results. That's thinking like a winner.

Mimi: You mean like a criminal. I don't know if you remember, but I've been to jail before. It's not really for me.

Bonnie: Honey, it's a brilliant idea.

Mimi: I was kidding.

Bonnie: From a little joke comes the act that's gonna save your marriage.. We just find out which lab the police use to check DNA. It's probably very secure, got surveillance cameras.

Mimi: Now you're scaring me.

Bonnie: No, losing Shawn -- that's scary. You just leave the dirty work to me, 'cause I'm used to it. All those years cleaning people's houses, I know how to scope out a joint.

Mimi: Shawn's my husband, and I mean it, stay out of it. No dirty tricks.. I mean it.

Jack: "I led the way into the blacked-out warehouse. Intrepid in the face of danger, I knew that somewhere ahead was the man who held the answers I was seeking."

Jennifer: You led the way? You were seeking answers? Was there anyone with you, Jack? Just try to think back.

Jack: I did lead the way. Of course, once you showed up --

Jennifer: I'm not gonna go down that road again.

Jack: May I continue please? You can make all the notes you want of all the things you want to change.

Jennifer: What do you think I've been doing?

Jack: Where was I? All right. "The answers...we were seeking." Happy now?

Jennifer: Yes. Keep reading.

Jack: "Every step along the concrete floor echoed in the heavy stillness.. We were on the trail of a killer, and --" [Cellphone rings]

Jennifer: [Gasps]Gosh, Jack. You had me right there in that warehouse with you.

Jack: Good. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Jennifer: Yes what? What?

Jack: That was him. Deep throat. He wants to meet again right now at the warehouse.

Jennifer: Right now?

Jack: Letís go. Come on. Let's get over there before he changes his mind.

Jennifer: Wait, wait, wait.

Jack: Come on.

Jack: He doesnít... now, don't take this the wrong way.

Jennifer: Oh, no. No, don't say it.

Jack: Look, he wasn't thrilled to see you before, all right? We got to keep this informant happy so he'll give us information on Officer Eve's murder. If he sees you, he could clam up and disappear. Informants don't grow on trees.

Jennifer: Oh, really? I thought they did. Silly me.

Jack: I was just thinking. Maybe a dangerous assignment may not be the right thing for you at this time.

Jennifer: "At this time"? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Jack: It's just you being a single mom -- not to discount Francois or anything.

Jennifer: Well, I could have sworn that you were Abby and Jack Jr.'s father.

Jack: You were the go-to parent the time I was MIA. I don't want to be responsible for something happening to my kids' mother.

Jennifer: You never play fair ever, Jack.

Jack: Indulge a sick man. [Coughs]

Jennifer: You are in remission. I know you are.

Jack: Let's not count that chick till it's hatched.

Jennifer: Don't play that white knight thing with me. I can take care of myself.

Jack: I hate it when girls talk like that. It doesn't matter how much you can bench press. You're a girl. Iím a guy, therefore I worry about you.

Jennifer: And I worry about you. You know, this illness has not made you any less frustrating.

Jack: And you're just as stubborn as ever. All right, listen, I have complete and total faith in you, but this time, pass the Lois Lane role. Let me wear the cape.

Jennifer: And the tights.

Jack: And the tights. I just... I just don't want anything to happen to you. Can you at least understand that?

Jennifer: Yes, I understand that. [Door squeaks]

Jack: Down. I... shh.

Billie: [Sighs] Here. Drink this.

Chelsea: Thanks.

Billie: There's an old saying -- "no good deed goes unpunished."

Chelsea: I don't get it.

Billie: All right. What I mean is sometimes when you do a good deed, it gets misinterpreted -- usually by the person you're doing the good deed for. So you put yourself out there, your hand gets stepped on, and guess what? You don't want to do anything good anymore.. It's human nature.

Chelsea: So you understand why I'm done being nice.

Billie: I understand why you might feel that way. But I also know that sometimes good deeds take a little while to hit their mark, and you and I are not known for our patience.

Chelsea: [Chuckles lightly]

Billie: So I think that if you give Shawn a little bit of time, he might realize that you did not intentionally try and hurt him.

Chelsea: Yeah, well, he's not the only one that thinks I intentionally tried to hurt him. Um, Max broke up with me.

Billie: Oh, honey, why?

Chelsea: Um, because he doesn't believe me, and I'm pretty sure he said I had a bad track record, I'm a liar, I suck, yada yada. He just left me, just like everyone does.

Billie: Listen, Chelsea, I'll never leave you. I will never leave you.

Chelsea: Good. We can be old maids together.

Billie: Hey, shut up! We are not old maids, especially not your fabulous mother here.

Chelsea: Oh, boy.

Billie: Okay?

Chelsea: You know what I mean. I just feel like I can never take a break in this town. And don't get me wrong. I totally understand why.

Billie: Listen to me. I have a prediction for you. Your wise, old-maid mother has a prediction for you. Something good is gonna come of this good deed because, you know why? You did out yourself out there. You took a chance, and I promise you. It's gonna work out.

Shawn D.: Don't start acting like you know what I'm feeling.

Bo: You mean like a father?

Shawn D.: [Chuckles] That's good. That's good. I might have gone overboard with Mimi's custody demands, but I wanted to make sure I was gonna have time with my child. It had nothing to do with my feelings for Belle.

Bo: So you do have feelings for her.

Shawn D.: Will you stop interrogating me, Dad? I'm your son. I know better. You have your DNA sample.

Bonnie: Look, it's not like I'm suggesting anything criminal. All right, maybe I am. But it's not committing murder. It's saving a marriage. You know, life doesn't always come up roses. Sometimes you got to dig around in the dirt first.

Mimi: Yeah, like anything you've planted ever bloomed.

Bonnie: Hey, hey. I did pretty damn good with you and Patrick and Connor.. I have got a right to be proud.

Mimi: You taught us to lie when we'd get ourselves into a jam. That's worked out real well for me, hasn't it? I lied about my abortion to Rex, and he walked out on me. I'm lying to Shawn about who Claire's real daddy is.

Bonnie: Well, you're not lying anymore. You don't know any more than he ..

Mimi: Mom, I hate this. I don't want to be in a marriage where I have to pretend all the time, always watching what I say so I don't slip up. I wish I had told Shawn what I knew months and months ago.

Bonnie: You can't do it now. Baby, please, I'm begging you. You can't tell Shawn that he is Claire's father. He's not gonna believe you anyhow, right? I mean, he thinks he and Belle never slept together.

Mimi: Mom, he's gonna find out the truth, okay? It's over. I'm going to have to accept the consequences. I'm done.

Bonnie: Okay. All right, you know what? It's your life, and I have no right butting in. I really don't want to see you unhappy anymore, so if you think that telling the truth is the right thing to do, as much as I don't like it, I will stand behind you 100%.

Mimi: Well, you gave in pretty fast. Mom, I swear, if you are up to something --

Bonnie: Honey, please. The only thing I want to be up to is snacking on that chocolate volcano that Shawn promised you. God, how long does it take to swab a cheek anyway?

Mimi: You'd better not be up to anything stupid.

Bo: Hey, I need an escort for a DNA sample. Yeah, it's going to the lab.

Billie: Is she free to go?

Bo: Why yes. But she's not to leave town. You know the drill. This DNA sample is on its way to the lab. Once we get the results, I'll give you a call. Then this whole mess will be cleared up for everyone.

Bonnie: Nothing up my sleeve, so lighten up. You'll get frown lines.

Shawn D.: [Sighs] That was fun. Let me tell you. Sorry to keep you waiting. How was dinner?

Bonnie: Well, Maggie could use a new chef.

Mimi: It was delicious. She's just jealous. How did it go?

Shawn D.: Routine. They just swabbed my cheek and sent it off to the lab..

Bonnie: What lab is that? I didn't catch the name.

Shawn D.: Thatís because I didn't say.

Bonnie: Oh, my head. There was way too much salt in that "ratatool." I'm saying it wrong, but I don't care. We should say words the way they're spelled.

Mimi: Thank you, Professor Lockhart.

Bonnie: You're welcome. You know what? I think I'm gonna leave you two alone to enjoy that dessert all by yourselves. I have had a wonderful evening. Can I at least get the tip? Oh. I canít. Um, listen, thank you so much for a wonderful dinner, and thank you for giving me such a wonderful son-in-law. Night. Love you both.

Shawn D.: Good night.

Mimi: I'm sorry for giving you a lunatic for a mother-in-law. So, um, when do, uh, the test results get back?

Shawn D.: What does it matter? I already know what they're gonna say. There's no possible way I could be Claire's father.

Jack: Thanks for agreeing to meet me again. Yeah, uh, look, throat, the info you gave me on that gun -- it was great. It was really solid. I practically closed the case on that, but if there's anything else -- anything -- that you could give me in the way of information, it would be greatly appreciated. Wait!

Jennifer: Jack, no! [Screams]

Man: The boss gave you plenty, but you got greedy.

Jennifer: Jack! Jack!

Billie: You know Chelsea. She has a tendency to go off the deep end.

Max: It's not my problem anymore.

E.J.: What's this? Hmm?

Steve: I'm sorry. This just isn't gonna work.

Billie: I'm all about romance -- living in the moment.

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