Days Transcript Monday 5/1/06

Days of Our Lives Transcript Monday 5/1/06 - Canada; Tuesday 5/2/06 - U.S.A.


Provided By Eric
Proofread By Niki

Mimi: Shawn... I can't believe this is happening so fast. You really want to do this? You're ready to adopt a baby?

Shawn D.: Why do you think I got the paperwork? I want to get it filled out and filed so our name is on the list, if you're ready, if this is what you want.

Mimi: Yes, yes. Of course I'm ready. Are you kidding me? I just can't believe this.

Belle: This is so wrong.

Philip: Excuse us. Come here for a second. What's the matter?

Belle: Nothing.

Philip: It's not "nothing." I just heard what you said. You said, "this is so wrong." So what's the matter?

Belle: Nothing. I don't know what you mean.

Philip: Stop. Something's wrong, so tell me what it is. They just said they're adopting a baby. Are you not happy for them?

Belle: Of course I'm happy for them. It's just...

Philip: It's just what?

Belle: [Sighs] As wonderful as it is, I know it's not what Shawn really wants.

Philip: What does that mean?

Belle: Shawn's always wanted to have children of his own. Continuing the Brady-Family line is very important to him and the Hortonís. I'm sure it still is.

Philip: He can still do that. What's the problem?

Belle: The problem is that whatever child they adopt will be a son or daughter, but he won't be a Brady or a Horton by blood.

Philip: By blood? Does that really make that much of a difference?

Belle: Yes. To Shawn, it will.

Philip: Shawn isn't even a Brady by blood -- neither is his dad.

Belle: Okay, look. All I'm saying is that the only reason he's doing this is for Mimi because she can't give him his own biological children. What? What? What are you looking at?

Mimi: Excuse me.

Bo: Hey, Roy. Give me another.

Roy: You sure that's a good idea? I remember the last time you got drunk, and I don't need another brawl.

Bo: Oh, come on, man. You know that wasn't my fault. I was just sitting here minding my own business. I wasn't drunk.

Roy: Yeah. Well, I'm keeping my eye on you.

Billie: So am I.

Chelsea: [Sighs] I just hope that Billie got my text message. She needs to get her butt down to the Cheatin' Heart right away. My dad needs her, and I need them to be together so I don't go to jail. [Door squeaks]

Max: Chelsea. Hey.

Chelsea: Hey, Max. How are you?

Max: I'm all right. Guess you're here to see Abby, huh?

Chelsea: Well, I was. We were supposed to go get coffee, but we got into a fight, and she's pretty pissed at me.

Max: What did you do?

Chelsea: I just told her like it was, and she couldn't handle it.

Max: Meaning?

Chelsea: You know what? I'd really rather not talk about it, if you don't mind.

Max: Fine. So how you been?

Chelsea: The same. My life still sucks. Actually, I take that back. It just got better now that you're here.

Abby: No, this isn't happening.

Jennifer: Abby, wait. Abby, please.

Abby: You're having sex with Frankie in the same bed that you shared with dad.

Jennifer: Abby, please, wait. Abby, don't go anywhere, please. Listen. Listen to me. I know that you're in shock.

Abby: Shock? Yeah, you could say that -- big shock.

Frankie: Abby, I'm so sorry. I should have let you know what was going on.

Abby: Do you think I really want to know about this?

Jennifer: Can you give us a minute to talk, please?

Abby: No, you're not going anywhere, not until you both hear what I have to say.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of our Lives.

Max: Uh, well, I'm glad you're happy to see me.

Chelsea: I'm always happy to see you, even though it might not always seem that way. I've just had a lot on my mind lately.

Max: I know.

Chelsea: I just feel really, really bad for everything that's happened with Zack and everything that's going on between Bo and Hope. I mean, they're splitting up because of me.

Max: Chelsea, come on, now.

Chelsea: I mean, Frankie said that it would help my case and everything, but I still feel awful knowing I'm the one that caused everything.

Max: Wait a second, okay? Don't go blaming yourself for what's going on in Bo and Hope's marriage. That's between the two of them, and you had nothing to do with it..

Chelsea: Let's see what Hope has to say to my dad. Perfect. Hope wants a divorce. Excellent. Let's see, what would my dad say back to Hope? Hmm. [Sighs ] It breaks my heart, Hope... but I guess you're right. There's really no way we can stay together now, is there? I'm really sorry about what happened to Zack. I would do anything to bring him back. But I have a daughter with Billie now, and it's my responsibility to protect Chelsea. And... if... you can't live with that, and if that means we have no future together... then so be it. I won't contest your divorce. Right now, I need to be here for Chelsea and Billie. I'm sorry, Hope, but you're right. What we had... is over. And I think it's better... that we go our separate ways. Bo.

Max: Chelsea, you told Bo everything, right, when I dropped you off at the police station?

Chelsea: No, I chickened out.

Max: Why? What's going on? You didn't do anything, did you?

Chelsea: No, I mean, I hit Zack.

Max: I mean anything else.

Chelsea: No, Max, what else would there be? I mean, isn't that enough? And you know what? Maybe you're right. If Hope wants a divorce, then that's between her and Bo.. And who knows? Maybe it's meant to be. Maybe there's another reason that all of this is happening.

Max: What other reason?

Chelsea: Well, maybe if Hope and my dad get a divorce, then he can be with my mom again.

Max: I don't think so.

Chelsea: Why not? It's a possibility.

Max: No, it's not. No offense, Chelsea, but there's no way in hell my brother Bo's getting back together with Billie. The only woman he'll ever love is Hope.

Bo: What the hell? Are you following me?

Billie: I'm concerned about you. You had a lot to drink back at the house.

Bo: I had two beers.

Billie: You shouldn't be drinking and driving.

Bo: I know my limit. I'm okay to drive.

Billie: You've been drinking. You're not exactly the best judge of that.

Bo: I am fine. You don't need to worry about me, mom.

Billie: Bo, don't you see what you're doing? You're using alcohol to numb the pain, to try to forget about Hope. It's not gonna work.

Bo: So what if I'm -- listen, she wants a divorce. She doesn't want to be with me. There's not a damn thing I can do about it. And so, yeah, maybe I can't handle that sober..

Billie: Yes, you can. For one thing, if you were sober, you wouldn't be wallowing in self-pity. You wouldn't just be giving up.

Bo: I am not -- look, I don't have a choice here.

Billie: I disagree.

Bo: Okay, if you were in my position, how would you make someone love you and want to be with you when they obviously don't?

Billie: I'm not exactly the right person to ask that question. I wish I had the answer, believe me. But, unfortunately, whenever I've been in that situation, it just didn't work.

Bo: Well, any guy who didn't want to be with you is crazy.

Billie: Yeah, well, it just didn't work out. I wasn't the right woman for him.

Bo: You're talking about Lockhart?

Billie: No. And I think you know who I'm talking about. It's you.

Abby: You must have been thrilled when daddy died so you could have her all to yourself.

Jennifer: That is enough.

Abby: But you -- you could have said "no." And that you loved your husband who trusted you to not jump into bed with your old boyfriend the minute he was gone.

Jennifer: Could you please give us a minute alone, please?

Frankie: I'm so sorry. I really am.

Jennifer: Honey. I am so sorry. I know that this is difficult for you to understand.

Abby: Yeah, I understand it very well. And to think all this time he was just working you. All he cared about was getting you into bed. Mom, how could you fall for it?

Jennifer: Abigail, it was not like that. Frankie isn't trying to trick me. Listen, the fact is that -- is that I think that I have fallen in love with Frankie again.

Abby: What?

Jennifer: But that does not mean that I still do not love and miss your father.

Abby: How long has this been going on, Mom? Did you do it before he died?

Jennifer: What? Of course not. How can you even say that? This is something that has been growing over time. And not until we went to Green Mountain Lodge did I even realize that things had changed between us.

Abby: I thought you were going just as friends. You needed time to get away.

Jennifer: We went there as friends. We had separate rooms, Abigail. But while we were there, we talked, we spent time together, and, I don't know, one thing led to another, and that is when I realized that I still had feelings for him.

Abby: And that was the first time that you did it? You can't even look at me. Even you know you should be ashamed of yourself. Mom, how many times have you lectured me about waiting till marriage, how special it was, and how you were so happy with daddy because you didn't do it with anyone else? [Crying] You told me that I should wait, Mom. The minute dad's gone, you just hop into bed with the first person who comes along. Did you do it with Patrick, too? Who else, Mom? God, I don't even know who you are anymore. When did you become such a slut?

Jennifer: Abigail, how dare you?

Abby: Go ahead, hit me. You're just mad because you know it's the truth. Daddy's barely cold, and you couldn't wait to forget about him.

Jennifer: Abigail!

Mimi: [Sighs] Oh, I'm so stupid. Why would I ever think that Shawn really wanted to adopt? The only reason he ever agreed to it was to make me happy, just like Belle said. The really sad thing is, he has what he wants. He already has a child of his own, and he doesn't even know it. I might as well just stop all the lies and the pretending and tell him the truth right now.

Belle: Shawn is furious with me. I think he thinks I was trying to hurt Mimi on purpose.

Philip: That's ridiculous. You didn't even know she was there. It was supposed to be a private conversation.

Belle: I just feel terrible that I even said it. I need to go find her and apologize.

Philip: You have to try. Come on, I'll go with you.

Mimi: How long have you been standing there?

Shawn D.: Long enough to know that you've been crying. What Belle just said about our future and children, that was a long time ago. I was just a kid. That was before J..T. was born. And speaking of it, he's a great example of how genes don't have anything to do with how much you love someone. When I said that, I didn't know what I was talking about. I didn't know what I wanted. But now I do, and that's you. I cannot wait for us to have a family together, so just please tell me that you believe me.

Mimi: Are you sure you really mean that? You're not gonna feel like you're missing out on something that you've always dreamed about?

Shawn D.: I promise you. We are going to adopt as soon as we can, all right? You are everything to me. I love you so much.

Mimi: I love you, too.

Chelsea: You know, everybody talks about how Bo and Hope have this great love and that they belong together, but Hope walked out on my dad when he needed her the most, when they needed each other. And maybe what they have or had isn't the be all and end all. I mean, my mom and dad loved each other, too, once. And maybe it's just their turn to be together again.

Max: I know how much you want to believe that, but trust me, what Billie and Bo had is over. The only woman he'll ever love is Hope. And I know she still loves him, too..

Chelsea: Then why aren't they together?

Max: They will be. They're just going through some hard times right now. It's happened before. When I think about how many times their love has been tested, never quite like this, but they always find their way back to each other, and they will again. And nothing will keep them apart. I just hope one day that I'll know what it's like to have a love like that.

Chelsea: Yeah, me, too.

Max: Look, I know how much you want your parents to be together. You should still be grateful that you even have parents. After what happened to the Bensonís, it's like you've been given a second chance. You still have two people you can call mom and dad who love you and care about you and want to look out for you. And... if you care about them, you'll want them to be happy. You'll want your dad to be with the woman that he loves, and you'll want your mom to find someone who will love her the same way.

Chelsea: I have to go.

Max: Where?

Chelsea: I can't say, but wish me luck, all right?

Bo: I'm sorry. You've obviously been in the same situation, and I'm the one who hurt you.

Billie: You didn't mean to. Anyway, it's not the same situation. Hope still loves you, which is why you can't give up.

Bo: I haven't -- Hope is the one who gave up. She obviously moved on with her life.

Billie: Moved on? Give me a break. She hasn't moved on. She's hurting, and she's grieving, yes, but she still loves you. That's why you got to grab the bull by the horns, and you have to do something.

Bo: You know, I appreciate your concern with all this, but I'm -- hey, Roy, another beer.

Jennifer: Abigail, please. No, don't leave. Please, don't leave. We have to talk about this.

Abby: You were gonna hit me.

Jennifer: I know. I know, and I'm sorry. I was upset and emotional, and that is not an excuse. Baby, please, try and understand. I know that you're hurting. And this came out of nowhere, and it shouldn't have happened like that. I should have told you what was happening as it was getting serious.

Abby: Then why didn't you?

Jennifer: Because I was scared.

Shawn D.: You okay?

Mimi: I am now.

Philip: [Clears throat] Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt you guys, but Belle wants to say something.

Mimi: Don't worry about it, Belle. I overreacted, and I'm sorry.

Belle: No, Mimi, I'm the one that's sorry. You and Shawn are my best friends, and I just want you to be happy. I'm really sorry I hurt you.

Mimi: Yeah, well, I already feel guilty enough.

Belle: Why? What do you have to feel guilty for?

Mimi: That I can't give my husband his own child.

Belle: But that's not true. Mimi, Shawn's right. The two of you are gonna love any child you adopt, just as much as if you had given birth to him or her yourself.

Mimi: Yeah, we will.

Shawn D.: You bet we will. Before you know it, we're gonna have a family and everything we have both wanted.

Max: Hey, bro, have you seen Chelsea?

Frankie: No. Is something wrong?

Max: I don't know. She went running out of here, and I'm concerned. I don't know what the hell is going on.

Frankie: A lot's going on. She's in a lot of trouble.

Max: No, not with the trial. It's like there's something else. She's keeping something bottled up inside. I mean, you wouldn't know what that is, would you?

Chelsea: Hope wrote my dad an e-mail asking him for a divorce.

Frankie: I know.

Chelsea: Yeah, but what you don't know is that... I wrote her back, pretending to be him, telling Hope that, that's what my dad wanted, too.

Chelsea: As your client, not your niece, just forget for a second that Bo is your brother.

Frankie: Okay.

Chelsea: Okay, um, what would you advise me to do? What's in my best interest as a client?

Frankie: Legally?

Chelsea: Yeah.

Frankie: I would advise you... to not say anything.

Frankie: Max, I'm sorry. As her attorney, I can't say anything.

Max: You can't, okay. But obviously there is something going on, right?

Frankie: You need to be there for her. She's scared and desperate, and I think you're the only one that can get through to her.

Chelsea: Max is right. Bo and Hope deserve to be together, and I have to tell my dad the truth. I have to do it now.

Roy: Sorry, pal, you're cut off.

Bo: I'm out of here.

Billie: Bo. Hold on. Listen to me, drowning your sorrows in alcohol isn't going to bring your wife back.

Bo: Yeah, I know that. It's about time you get it through your head.

Billie: Wait.

Chelsea: Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you guys.

Abby: I don't understand. Why were you scared to say anything?

Jennifer: Because, honey, I was afraid that if I admitted my feelings for Frankie, that, that would be letting go of your dad.

Abby: Because you felt guilty about moving on?

Jennifer: Yes. Even though that's exactly what your dad wanted me to do.

Abby: So you're saying dad wanted you to forget about him?

Jennifer: No! No, honey, because that's not possible. But he didn't want me to mourn him for the rest of my life, either. He wants us to move on. He wants us to find happiness, and he was hoping that I could do that with Frankie.

Abby: How do you know that?

Jennifer: Abigail, your dad went as far as to make a DVD. You know when he gets an idea in his head...

Abby: A DVD?

Jennifer: Yes, he made a video that he wanted us to see. Would you like to see it?

Abby: Yeah.

Jennifer: I've actually, uh, I've been meaning to show this to you. I was just waiting for the right time. I guess now's as good a time as any, huh? I'll just skip ahead to the part I want you to hear.

Jack: One last thing, Frankie. Whenever you decide the time is right -- I'll leave it to your discretion -- you can show this to Jennifer. I think maybe it will help her to see that this -- you and her together -- is what I really want. I loved her so much, with all that I am -- was -- am. I guess I'm just gonna have to trust you to help her to love you in the same way. And, uh, Jennifer, if you're listening to this now, uh... please don't feel guilty about falling in love with Frankie. It's not a betrayal. You're not denying me or our love or anything like that. It's not wrong. What would be wrong would be you giving up at a chance of a life of happiness that I know that you could have. Look, other than me, Frankie is the best man for you and for our kids. So, please, just -- just give him a chance, please. And remember that... I'll always love you... always... more than life itself. But I will not have you spend the rest of your life mourning me. After a decent interval, I -- I expect -- I want you to move on. I want you to fall in love and maybe even have a -- you know, have a little brother or little sister for J.J. Look, maybe I was your greatest love, but Frankie... he was your first. Anyway, just know that nothing would bring me more peace and more happiness than to know that you and he were living happily ever after.

Abby: So it's true. This is what daddy wants.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Abby: I'm so sorry, Mom.

Jennifer: It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Billie: Bo, what the hell are you doing?

Bo: You asked me to pull over. That's what I did.

Billie: So I could put you in my car. I didn't know you were in the mood for a hike. You are in no condition to be driving. I can't believe you'd even consider it, especially after what happened with Chelsea's parents, what happened with --

Bo: Don't say it. What happened to my son is because our daughter was irresponsible. And so was I.

Billie: Bo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw it back in your face. It's just that you're obviously in the mood to be self-destructive, and things are only gonna get worse.

Bo: [Laughs] How could they get worse? My son is gone. My wife is gone..

Billie: You can still get her back.

Bo: [Laughs] Jeez, how many times do I have to -- I have no idea where she is.

Billie: You'll find her. We'll find her. Hell, we'll do it together, okay? We'll find her together. We're a team, man. It'll be just you and me, like the olden days, remember?

Sometimes I wonder how I ever got along without you you're the best part of it all life is only as good as you make me feel I need you to hold me for a while I can't live without your love I'd be so lonely without you I'd be nothing without you baby, I can't live without your love when the world casts a shadow and I'm feeling so low, you are there you have a way about you that makes it all seem right I need you to hold me for a while I can't live without your love I'd be so lonely without you I'd be nothing without you baby, I can't live without your love ohhh after all we've been through you know I'll always love you I want to share my life with my best friend and I can't live without your love no, I can't live without your love I'd be so lonely without you I'd be nothing without you baby, I can't live without your love I'd be so lonely without you I'd be nothing without you baby, I can't live without your love no, I can't live without your love ohhh I need you I can't live without your love

Billie: Bo, we had some pretty close calls together. I know I won't forget them.

Bo: Neither will I.

Chelsea: Mom? Dad? Oh, God, I know I saw them come up here. I have to find him so I can tell him what I did to him and Hope.

Belle: I really am sorry about everything. I hope that you and Mimi can both forgive me.

Shawn D.: Just forget it.

Belle: Believe me, I know how upset Mimi was when she found out she couldn't have kids anymore because of all the scarring in her fallopian tubes.

Shawn D.: That's the thing. It doesn't matter to me, but I know it's everything to Mimi. She wishes that she could get pregnant and have that feeling of a child inside of her moving and kicking. And I wish, for her sake, it could happen, but it canít.

Belle: Well, so you'll adopt. It'll be great.

Shawn D.: Yes, it will.

Belle: And she won't have any morning sickness, and she won't have to worry about gaining weight. She won't have to worry about anything she eats for nine months. There are definitely pluses to doing it your way.

Shawn D.: Yeah. Well, tell you what. Why don't you go ahead -- bring those to Mimi and Philip. I'll be right behind with ours.

Belle: Oh, okay, thanks.

Libby: You're all set.

Shawn D.: Thank you. I guess I have to sign for this. Here you go.

Libby: Listen, I don't mean to be nosy, but I couldn't help overhearing what you and that young lady were saying about your wife or your girlfriend.

Shawn D.: My wife. What about it?

Libby: I'm sorry. This is so none of my business, but I just had to tell you that I know for a fact that even with scarring in the fallopian tubes, there's still a way your wife can get pregnant.

Philip: So Miriam's gonna adopt a baby. How long's it gonna take?

Mimi: I don't know. We just got the papers. I mean, I don't think we're gonna be getting a baby any time soon.

Philip: No?

Belle: Okay, Mimi, your white wine.

Mimi: Thank you.

Belle: Honey, your beer.

Philip: Thank you, sweetie. Where is Shawn?

Belle: He's paying the check. He'll be right over. It's okay if we still sit with you?

Mimi: Of course, it's fine. Philip and I were just talking about the adoption. Shawn and I are so excited. Although I don't think he realizes how long it might take. I mean, the waiting list for newborns is off the charts. I mean, we're not opposed, though, to adopting older kids. I mean, we're still considering that, too.

Belle: Yeah, why not? No diaper changes, no teething.

Philip: None of the 2:00 A.M. feedings.

Mimi: Well, believe it or not, I want to experience all that. I mean, I'm missing out on so much as it is. I just wish there was still some way I could give birth.

Shawn D.: Maybe there is.

Mimi: What are you talking about?

Shawn D.: You're not gonna believe this, but there might be a way for you to get pregnant yet.

Mimi: What did you say?

Shawn D.: Actually, I'm gonna let Libby explain.

Mimi: The bartender?

Shawn D.: Yes, yes. Libby, these are my friends. This is Philip and Belle.

Philip: Hi, nice to meet you.

Belle: How are you?

Shawn D.: And this is my wife, Mimi.

Libby: Hi.

Mimi: Shawn, what's going on?

Libby: I know this must seem crazy, Mimi, but I just happened to overhear your husband and friend here talking at the bar. He was saying how excited he was to adopt but that you still wish you could get pregnant.

Mimi: Yeah, and...

Libby: I just had to speak up and tell him. There might be a way that you can.

Mimi: How? And how would you know that?

Libby: Because I had the same problem -- scarring in my fallopian tubes. My husband and I thought I could never get pregnant, but we saw a fertility specialist who suggested we harvest one of my eggs, fertilize it in vitro, and then surgically implant it in my womb.

Mimi: Okay, and what are you saying? Are you saying that it worked? I mean, did you give birth to your own baby?

Libby: Not only once, but twice.

Mimi: Wow.

Libby: And here's living proof.

Mimi: Oh, they're beautiful.

Shawn D.: Yeah.

Libby: Thanks. Listen, I have to get back to work, but leave me your number before you go, and I'll get you some more information, if you're still interested.

Mimi: Definitely. Thank you so much.

Libby: No problem. I just wanted you to know there are other options.

Philip: Thanks, Libby.

Shawn D.: Thank you.

Mimi: This is incredible.

Shawn D.: I know.

Mimi: I mean -- I mean, the doctors never told me or never mentioned anything to me about in vitro, but, I mean, I guess I just kept hearing that I couldn't have kids the old-fashioned way. In vitro isn't exactly the old-fashioned way, now, is it? I mean, I never even went to any of my follow-up appointments. I never spoke with a fertility specialist.

Shawn D.: Maybe this could work.

Mimi: Yeah, maybe it could. Do you think we should try?

Shawn D.: Absolutely. We should give it a shot.

Philip: See? This is great. They can get pregnant after all.

Jennifer: You know, sweetie, if there was anything that I could do to bring your dad back, I would do it.

Abby: I know, Mom. I know how much you loved him.

Jennifer: I love him so much. But I am also so grateful that Frankie is willing to share his heart and that he loves you guys as much as his own.

Abby: Even if one of them's a spoiled brat?

Jennifer: You are not a spoiled brat. You were caught off guard.

Abby: Do you forgive me for the things I said?

Jennifer: Of course I forgive you.

Abby: I need to apologize to Frankie.

Frankie: No, you donít. No, if anyone needs to apologize, Abby, it's me. I should have thought about your feelings, and I should have talked to you about it.

Abby: That would have been a little awkward.

Frankie: But you had a right to know.

Abby: My dad was a smart guy. He obviously knew what he was doing.

Frankie: Not only was he smart, but one of the most selfless people I've ever known. You know, you, your mom, and J.J. meant everything to him. All he wanted -- ever wanted -- was for you to be happy.

Abby: Well, you make my mom happy, so that makes me happy, too.

Frankie: Okay.

Abby: Look, um, I'm gonna get out of your hair now.

Frankie: No, you don't have to go.

Jennifer: No, honey, this is your home.

Abby: It was bad enough that I interrupted your... you know, I was just gonna go to the Java Cafť, anyway. I'm gonna go freshen up.

Jennifer: Okay. I love you.

Abby: I love you, too.

Jennifer: So much.

Frankie: Is everything okay?

Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah, everything's good. We had a nice talk.

Frankie: You know, I still -- I think that Jack is still looking out for us somehow.

Jennifer: Yeah, I think he is.

Max: Hey, Chelsea, it's me. I'm just checking in, making sure everything's okay. When you get this, give me a call, okay? [Sighs] I know there's something up with you. I just wish you'd tell me what it is.

Chelsea: Mom? Dad? Oh, God, where are they? I thought for sure they came this way. Oh, my God. My God, I don't believe that this is happening. My mom and dad are having sex because of me. I can never tell the truth now.

Jennifer: I don't know if I will ever be ready, and I can't do this to you anymore. It is just not gonna work out for us.

Patrick: Now that you think your marriage is over, you can see why I shouldn't be alone with you. I don't know if I can be trusted.

Bo: Billie, there's a part of me that wants you.

Max: Do you want your face plastered all over the tabloids? You're gonna go to a trial. Do you have a death wish?

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