The Bold and The Beautiful Transcript Wednesday 8/6/08
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Storm: Did I ever fail you when you needed me?
Katie: (Inhales deeply) (Sighs)
Beth: After I learned about Storm and Katie's transplant, Stephen begged me to come back to Los Angeles, but I just thought that was the worst possible idea.
Beth: I was emotionally paralyzed. I had nothing for them.
Taylor: Yes, but your children and your ex-husband, they seem very devoted to you.
Beth: They do.
Taylor: But you didn't feel you could trust that? You didn't think that they really wanted to welcome you home, like they wouldn't understand? What?
Beth: No, it's-- it's kind of hard now to remember what I felt. I--well, that's a lie. (Laughs) I remember every bit of it. The woman I had been, that other woman, she seemed like a suit of clothes that I had taken off, but I just couldn't remember where I'd put it. She was active. I didn't want to do anything. I slept... (inhales deeply) mostly. I slept, and when I was awake, I thought, what is the point of living like this?
Taylor: Do you think maybe that was when you started to realize that you might be experiencing depression?
Beth: Oh, I-- I never thought I was experiencing depression. I had already been experiencing so many other things. I'd had the strokes, and I started to lose my memory, and then they told me that perhaps the memory loss wasn't caused by the strokes. Maybe it was something else, something worse. Oh, no, depression never crossed my mind. I-I just sort of thought, well, my life is over.
Bridget: You know, on second thought, you don't need to stop by and see Katie. I know it's not an emergency. At least I don't think it is.
Nick: Obviously, she said something that alarmed you.
Bridget: She had that appointment today at the hospital, and, you know, I went by to see her, and I-I just can't describe it. It--she wasn't tired, and she wasn't sad. It was something else, and medically, everything was fine. Dr. Patrick said all of the labs looked really good. But to be honest, it really scared me. I just wouldn't want to be the only person that knew about it if something were to happen.
Storm: Don't you know me?
Storm: You're my heart. I'm never far away, Katie. And now you're having a baby.
Katie: Why are you here?
Storm: To save you, Katie. Nick isn't gonna raise the child with you. No one will even want to look at you when they know what you've done. Do you really want to live your life that way? Come for a swim. The water's nice.
Katie: I can't.
Storm: I promised you we'd always be together.
Katie: I shouldn't.
Storm: Katie, you really have no one else, but me. Come on!
Taylor: I really don't know how anyone could hear that kind of news and not feel somewhat fatalistic.
Beth: Somewhat. Yes. Losing your connection to your family and your friends-- it's a big part of what defines us as people, isn't it? Losing that's a pretty horrifying prospect.
Taylor: Is that what it felt like? You felt like that was happening?
Beth: Well, so far, Taylor, no one's told me that's not what's happening.
Taylor: You still sound very fearful.
Beth: I am. I was afraid in Paris, too, but it seemed easier there because I was alone. I just locked myself away in my own little world.
Taylor: So why do you think that that would make it easier?
Beth: Not easier, perhaps. Just less painful. I mean, when I was alone, it was easier to convince myself that nobody really needed me. I-intellectually, I knew that storm and my daughters were together. They'd be fine. And if just stayed where I was, I could simply quietly disappear.
Taylor: Dementia is a very cruel illness.
Beth: The cruelest, I think.
Taylor: But with dementia, there are a lot of the same symptoms and criteria as in depression.
Beth: But we don't really know the full extent of what I'm dealing with, do we?
Taylor: Well, we--we know that you're feeling depressed, and we know there's a possibility that you could have early dementia. But the good news is they have medication for that. There's a lot of hope.
Beth: Well, the medication and the therapy-- ironically, being with my family does seem to be helping a little bit. I'm--I'm beginning to feel a-a bit like my old self. It's just that I have always been so strong and self-reliant, and the very thought of becoming dependant is hateful to me.
Taylor: Do you feel like that's happening right now?
Beth: No, I-- I'm afraid that it will happen.
Taylor: Well, that's what you have to be careful of-- fear, because if you start fearing everything, that can drive you into a vicious cycle, and then you would spiral down even more.
Beth: Right. Yes, I know. I-I know. Um... uh, you'll be happy to know that I have actually found a few moments that feel maybe like joy, even a little, living with Brooke and-- and being with my grandchildren, but I just don't know how long it will last. (Laughs)
Taylor: We never really do know what tomorrow will bring, do we?
Beth: Ahh. I am trying to make that my new mantra. (Middle-eastern accent) live for today.
Taylor: (Laughs) Well, you know what? I think you're already doing that.
Taylor: You're-- you're going back, and you're getting around people who love you and who support you. That's the biggest step you can take to getting better.
Beth: So you're... basically saying keeping a positive attitude-- that's going to help keep me here and--and present longer?
Taylor: There are huge studies on that and being aware. I still have to remind myself to sit and look back at what's happening with me right now and what sensations are-- am I having in my body? What am I thinking? What am I feeling? To see if there are any warning signs.
Beth: Wait. What? You?
Taylor: Believe it or not, I have not had a fairy-tale life, and I have made my share of mistakes, as I'm sure your older daughter can attest to. One in ten people have depression. Did you know that? And these people are hiding something so painful inside, and it's such a burden, but they hide it, and that's what makes it really sad, because it can drive them to do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do.
Nick: Yeah, there probably will be a few things to talk about when I get home.
Bridget: And when you do talk to Katie, I have an idea about something you can tell her. What do you think of talking to Taylor and asking Katie to be Jack's godmother? You don't have to tell me right now. You can think about it on your way home. I just am afraid that Katie's becoming overwhelmed. She needs someone to throw her a lifeline.
Katie: (Gasps for air) (gasps) (panting) It's cold.
Storm: Not for very long.
Katie: (Panting) You didn't warn me about the current.
Storm: Take my hand. I've got you.
Katie: (Grunts) I'm trying.
Storm: Not so different than being born. Do you really want to do that to a child? So much struggle and ugliness in the world. I'm glad it's behind me, Katie. I'm glad I can't see it anymore.
Katie: Wait. Storm! Take me with you!
Katie: Aah! It was that day at the airport.
Brooke: My gosh, what are you feeding that kid? Every time I pick him up, he seems to weigh another 5 pounds.
Bridget: I thought you said you weren't gonna wake him up.
Brooke: So what did Nick think? Did he love the idea of Katie being the godmother?
Brooke: Why not?
Bridget: I don't know. It was just--I-- the sense I got-- maybe it was an odd question. It's really up to Nick and Taylor, anyway, not me.
Brooke: Honey, you're just trying to be nice.
Bridget: I know, but-- actually, no. I wasn't just trying to be nice. I saw something in Katie today that reminded me of myself. I remember when people would try to talk to me, and I would attempt to be upbeat, but all it seemed to process in my head was just-- it was like noise. She had this coldness about her, like this cold grip that life had on her. It was the same way I felt when I lost Nicole.
Bridget: I-I can hardly talk about it right now without crying, but at the time, I couldn't cry. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't feel anything.
Brooke: I remember.
Bridget: I went out, and I bought this book I-I--just because of the title. I think it might be over here. Completely did not understand it, but, uh, yeah. It was written by this Spanish priest like thousands and thousands of years ago. He was imprisoned and tortured, and it's called "dark night of the soul." I remember, in one chapter, he talks about light and how, you know, um, when, like, sunlight enters a room, you don't really see the light. What you see are the things in its path-- objects and--and particles and--and dust, and you see them because they reflect light. And he talks about this imaginary room that there's two windows opposite each other, and a really strong beam of sunlight comes through the window-- one--in one side and out the other, and inside the room is just sheer darkness because there's nothing in its path... for us to see. And--and there's this one section I re-- yeah, he says, "we're never closer to God than when we become that empty room full of a light we can't see, and the first thing to enter its path, that first hope, will be ablaze with it, and that's how we'll know that we were in light all along."
Brooke: That's nice. I want to remember that. Can I see?
Bridget: Yeah. And a lot of the book hardly makes any sense, but... (laughs) maybe it will to you.
Brooke: "The divine assails the soul in order to renew it and absorbs it in profound darkness. The soul feels itself to be perishing, melting away in the presence and sight of its miseries, as if it had been devoured by a beast and felt itself being devoured in darkness."
Katie: (Gasps) Help me! No! (Gasps) (Grunts) no! Let me live. Let me live! Aah! (Panting) Life is a miracle. Our child's a miracle. (Sighs)
Beth: You think it was depression that made me want to isolate myself from my family? Taylor, I've overcome so much in my life. How did this get the better of me?
Taylor: Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and there are many different kinds of depression. There's clinical, situational-- there are many, many different kinds.
Beth: You know, because I never did feel sick. I--even after the strokes, I felt--you know, it felt more as though the world was what had changed. I, of course, didn't know I was depressed, but I certainly felt spiritually empty.
Taylor: Depression is caused by... stressors in life... and then, um, there are depressions that are a caused by something that happened that was very, very sad. It was something that was maybe so sad that it brought just such a level of grief that is just ripped apart your soul, and it's gotten into every cell of your being. I think that's why I enjoy doing what I do, because I can-- I can give another soul for them to reach out to, to open up to and to get some healing.
Brooke: How long before the hospital's going to want to make some decision about Eric?
Bridget: That better not be an issue, the amount of money that Dad's given that hospital. (Sniffles)
Brooke: Well, does Donna know that she's the one who's going to have to make that decision if it comes down to it?
Bridget: Oh, Mom, I think Donna is so far from being able to process she might be losing Dad, I wouldn't put that on her right now.
Brooke: I know Ridge is gonna have a lot of questions, and I don't know how to answer them. Would you mind talking to him?
Bridget: Of course not.
Brooke: Thanks. I'm gonna call him.
Brooke: And... (sighs) tell Nick that I asked when he and Taylor are going to have that baby christened. And ask him just that way, because I don't want him to hassle you for asking.
Bridget: Well, he wouldn't do that. He might say, "What's the hurry?"
Brooke: (Sighs) It's not just about buying baby presents, you know? We go along day to day, and we try to make the things that we did wrong right, and then something like this happens, like what's going on with Eric. I just think that if we're able to make this christening happen, you know, the pouring of the water, I think it would be something good for all of us to help renew our faith, bring us all closer together.
Katie: (Sniffles) (Sighs)
Nick: You okay?
Katie: Yes. Thank you. Thank you for the blessings that keep reigning down on me. Thank you for everything you've given me.
Katie: That day on Catalina is ours... right or wrong. No one can take it away from us, and I promise... I promise that as long as there is breath in this body, I will nurture this baby. I will fight darkness and deception. I will love life. I will love this child.
Nick: We'll get through this somehow.
Katie: Yes, we will. Yes, we will.
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