B&B Transcript Monday 12/5/05

The Bold and The Beautiful Transcript Monday 12/5/05

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Proofread by Becky

[ Phone ringing ].

Stephanie: Good morning.

Eric: It would have been nice not to have to hear third-hand that my daughter's in town.

Stephanie: Well, I didn't even see her myself until late last night. I thought you might be her calling, actually.

Eric: May I ask where she's staying?

Stephanie: In the guest house. And believe me, it wasn't an easy sell.

Eric: Well, thank you. I have that number.

Stephanie: No, no, no. Don't disturb them.

Eric: Good-bye, Stephanie.

Stephanie: No. Listen to me, please. They're probably jet-lagged, and they're sleeping in.

Eric: They? Who's they?

Stephanie: Your daughter is in involved with a woman.

Eric: Involved? What do you mean?

Stephanie: Well, what do you think I mean?

Eric: I think you're out of your mind.

Stephanie: Oh, Eric, so typical of you. Close your eyes, close your ears, and don't let laity, in any way, interfere in your life.

Eric: I seriously doubt that Felicia is anything as straight forward as a lesbian. Now, look and until she tells me herself, it's none of my business. And it's none of yours, either.

Stephanie: Oh, well, good. Here she is. Now, hold on. Sweetheart, it's your loving, kind, gentle, considerate father. He wants to talk to you.

Felicia: How early did you have to hit the bottle to call here?

Eric: It is so nice to hear my little girl's voice again.

Felicia: Daddy, I hate to tell you, but I'm older than probably most of the women you're chasing.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. All right. Now, what do I have to do to chase you down? I'm not coming to the house, it gives me hives. Why don't you come down here to the shop?

Felicia: Actually, that's exactly what I was planning to do this morning.

Eric: Now, look, come down here as soon as you can, all right? Your two brothers are here. I cannot wait to see you. Bye, sweetie.

******************************************************************

Thorne: There's too much pink.

Eric: You think?

Ridge: Any color in this hole of an office would be an improvement.

Darla: Thank you very much. And they're having a girl, you know?

Jackie: Eric, this is the baby shower?

Eric: No, no, no, no. I don't know how to throw a baby shower.

Darla: Oh, well thank goodness I do!

Brooke: Oh, good. Then you can help me throw the next one.

Eric: Yeah, this is a "we love you, Nick and Bridget, and we're very happy that you're back together" party.

Thorne: Apparently we're tickled pink.

Eric: Oh, and you'll never guess who else is coming. Felicia. I just talked to her.

Darla: Oh.

Ridge: Really?

Darla: Oh, that's great.

Ridge: Wait, wait, wait. Is that such a good idea? With Felicia and Nick?

Darla: Oh, I'm sure that's ancient history by now, you know?

Thorne: And I'm sure she's had several boyfriends since then.

Eric: Besides, look around the room. Everybody here is somebody's ex-something or another.

Jackie: Oh! He knows how to put things so gracefully, doesn't he?

[ Laughter ]

Eric: Look, let's make her feel welcome, all right? Let's try to make her feel like she wants to stay.

Ridge: Well, I'm sure Thorne will be on his knees. A real designer, Thorne. Pull a little fat out of the fire for you.

Darla: Oh, hey, hey, Ridge. I need someone to taste this. Here you go. Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I'm such a dingbat!

Eric: She totally misjudged that --

Darla: It slipped. It slipped.

****************************************************************

Felicia: It seems so strange without Helen.

Stephanie: I know. But -- you'll like Rosario. She'll be down later with fresh towels and linens.

Felicia: Renee and I made the beds, Mother. We don't need towels.

Stephanie: Will she be coming up for breakfast? Renee?

Felicia: Rein yourself in, Mother.

Stephanie: I'm just saying that I'd like to meet her.

Felicia: Renee is somebody very important to me, but not in the way you think.

Stephanie: Honey, I only think what you told me.

Felicia: Since when is that ever true? Did I ask for money, clothes, to borrow the car? No. I asked for some privacy. Why is that so hard for you to give? My sex life is more unconventional than you can wrap your mind around. Would you leave it at that? Renee is only my assistant.

Stephanie: What does she assist you with?

Felicia: You know what? No offense, but Helen had a way with eggs. You don't. I'm going to go see dad at the office.

Felicia: Sally!

Sally: Fifi! My beautiful Felicia. What a sight for sore eyes you are. How soon can you start back to work?

Stephanie: For you?

Felicia: Are the two of you in cahoots, or in competition?

[ Sally scoffs ]

Sally: I haven't seen her royal highness since she made her transition from bane of the bridge club to a captain of industry. It just so happens that Spectra is uniquely poised to showcase the work of a hot, edgy designer like you.

Stephanie: Pooh, pooh, pooh. You are poised on the edge of bankruptcy. Who are you kidding? Besides, my daughter has an offer that she is genuinely considering.

Felicia: Thank you, Sally, but I'm only here for a visit. I have to get back. But it is so good to see you.

Sally: But, my darling --

Felicia: But I'm missing my father and the two big oafs I grew up with, so you won't mind if I duck out of here to see them?

Sally: Well -- go ahead, go ahead. You know, it is was so great to see you, my darling.

Stephanie: Drive carefully.

Felicia: 50 yards!

Sally: 50 yards of what? Silk, leather, chain mail?

Stephanie: 50 yards that I promised to stay away from the guest house. She doesn't want me to meet her girlfriend.

Sally: Oh.

Stephanie: Her -- lover girlfriend.

*************************************************************

Bridget: You are not going to believe where Stephanie banished dad and mom to. Wait, I don't even think the elevator goes there.

Nick: Hold it. We're not taking stairs.

Bridget: Honey, it's not Mt. Everest, it's just two flights of stairs.

Nick: Did you hear yourself? Two flights. Two flights?

Bridget: What, do you want to pack a lunch?

Nick: Well, you're supposed to take care of yourself. Remember what the doctor said?

Bridget: I know what the doctor said, but I'm fine. If Dr. Caspary meant no stairs, she just would have said, "no stairs."

Nick: Bridget. Now, listen, this is your family. Don't forget about that. Anytime we're around them, something goes wrong. I'm a little nervous. Something always goes wrong around your family.

Bridget: Sweetheart, I don't think they put banana peels on the stairs.

[ Nick whispering ]

Nick: So you can climb stairs, but we can't have sex together? Remind me why we're not having sex together.

***********************************************************

Ridge: This punch definitely needs spiking.

Brooke: It's not even noon yet.

Ridge: I think we'd all perform a little better in this office if we got a little liquored up, you know?

Brooke: It's Bridget's party, and she's pregnant, so you're going to have to suffer.

[ Door opening ]

Nick: Hi.

Eric: Oh, there you are.

Ridge: Hey, guys.

Jackie: Bridget! My darling. Nicky!

Eric: Hi, baby.

Bridget: Thank you so much.

Brooke: Hi.

Bridget: Hi! It's all so -- pink!

[ Laughter ]

Jackie: Well, I'm going to have a beautiful little girl that I can spoil and buy dresses for!

Bridget: Yes, you are.

Nick: Mother, we know she's going to be a girl, but we she's not that girly, girly, girly girl yet.

Jackie: Oh, you --

Eric: Okay, okay. Here's a toast. Here's a toast for everybody. There you are. Everybody has some pink punch, do they?

Brooke: Thank you.

Eric: All right. Where's mine, here? Okay, so -- let's see. This is to -- okay, this is to Bridget. To sweet Bridget. Know none of this has been easy for you. But, as the mother-to-be, you have risen to the challenge with courage and grace and style. To you. And, to this man you've chosen to share your life with. A man who has proven to be worthy of my beautiful, brilliant daughter!

Felicia: Beautiful, brilliant daughter?

***************************************************************

Sally: Fifi is going to have your head.

Stephanie: Well, I don't understand why she's keeping that poor girl locked up like she's some sort of leper. I mean, what sort of monster does Renee think I am?

Sally: Well, don't worry about it. They'll be all packed up and gone before lunch.

Stephanie: Here, you talk to her.

Sally: What? Oh, come on, I don't speak French!

Stephanie: Oh, just put on an accent and ask her over for lunch. She'll think you speak French.

[ Speaking with French accent ]

Sally: Ah, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui. Allo, allo? May I help you? Busy.

Stephanie: Busy? Busy? Who could she be talking to? She doesn't know anybody.

[ Stephanie gasps ] They've taken the phone off the hook.

Sally: Fifi knows her momma, doesn't she? Have you ever considered the possibility that you are barking up the wrong tree, queenie?

Stephanie: Would you stop calling me that, please?

Sally: All right, let's just review. Who does Fifi say this Renee is?

Stephanie: Her "assistant."

Sally: Which we do not believe because --

Stephanie: Because Felicia doesn't do anything that requires an assistant. And I don't understand why she doesn't want me to meet her. I don't understand why she's spending so much time in France, and why she's so anxious to get back there so quickly.

Sally: Maybe they're business partners.

Stephanie: Oh. In what?

Sally: I don't know. Something illegal? Listen, listen. All I know is that if Fifi were a lesbian, she'd be hanging a sign on your front door saying, "leather lesbians unite!"

Stephanie: Oh, she would not. She can't stand the idea that anybody knows anything about her. My god, she makes a mystery of just taking a walk around the block.

Sally: Well, you know, she was very hot and heavy with Nick Marone. And that takes a woman with no ordinary eye for men.

Stephanie: Really? It seems to me, every woman that's been involved with Nick runs screaming in the opposite direction at some point.

Sally: And you think Fifi just might have ran further?

Stephanie: I don't know. I don't know, Sally. It's just been a battle between us our whole lives. And I don't want my daughter to go back halfway across the world thinking that I don't think accept her for who she is and what she is. I've made that mistake too many times. And I just don't -- I don't want to do that this time.

Sally: Well, there's no faulting your motives.

Stephanie: Good, I'm gonna go over there.

Sally: Ah, Stephanie -- remember -- remember -- 50 yards.

Stephanie: Maybe Renee doesn't know the phone is off the hook. I mean, suppose Felicia had to get a hold of her?

Sally: I don't know, I don't know. But I know I'm not going to stick around to find out right now. But I do want to hear all about it.

*********************************************************************

Felicia: You didn't tell me there was a party.

Eric: Listen, a lot of this party is for you.

Felicia: You are still too smooth for your own good. Brooke, I think you need bifocals. You're gonna let a husband this handsome get away?

[ Jackie laughs ]

Jackie: Now we know why she's her daddy's pet.

Ridge: Don't worry about dad. He can't stay unmarried any more than you can stay put.

Thorne: Please tell me that you're here to stay.

Felicia: Ooh, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Mother made me breakfast.

Ridge: Oh, you know, Thorne and mother really need your help now. They're in the process of muumuu-izing America.

Thorne: Ridge, please.

Ridge: Psychologically healthy clothing, for the woman that's too proud to be shapeless, you know?

Thorne: You know, I think I'm capable of having my own conversation with Felicia.

Felicia: Okay, I see some things haven't changed. Thorne, I really wish I could stay -- actually, that's a little more polite than true.

Thorne: Look, before you turn me down, just talk to me one-on-one.

Felicia: I've already had my browbeating from mother, okay? I'm sorry. It's just I --

Eric: Thorne, maybe your sister isn't feeling up to it.

Felicia: No, Dad, it's not that. I am cancer-free.

Brooke: Felicia, that's wonderful.

Bridget: It really is. I hear the survival rates for stage 1 and stage 2 are, like, 90% now.

Felicia: Oh, that's right, you would have started your internship by now.

Bridget: Yeah. I know everything now. Intern's disease.

Felicia: Congratulations. You look -- I am really sorry for crashing this party. I had no idea.

Nick: No, come on, Felicia, it's not like that at all.

Bridget: No, no, honestly, you are the real guest of honor. We've all been waiting to see you. Isn't that right, honey? Seriously, they, like, have got to be sick of us. They've watched us try to get married, like, four times now?

Nick: Everybody in this room missed you.

********************************************************************

[ Phone beeping ]

[ Shower running ]

Stephanie: Hello? Renee? Hello? I'm Felicia's mother.

Renee: I know who you are.

Stephanie: Um, the phone was off the hook and I was concerned when I couldn't reach you. Actually, what I wanted was to ask you to come over and have breakfast with me.

Renee: Oh, thank you, no. You shouldn't be here.

Stephanie: Oh, I know my daughter thinks so, but what sort of a hostess would I be if I didn't

*************************************************************

Jackie: Well, I wonder what's keeping stephanie?

Eric: Why, are you expecting her?

Jackie: Aren't you?

Eric: No. I didn't invite her. Why would I? She's been nothing but a scourge to Nick and Bridget's relationship.

Jackie: Well, I predict that you are not going to be able to keep Stephanie away from our grandchild.

Eric: Why not? Stephanie has absolutely no relation to that baby.

Jackie: Being connected so many decades is a very hard habit to break. And, whether you're married or not, that's secondary.

Eric: If I took you out on the loading dock and started to make love to you, would that change your point of view about that at all?

Jackie: Well, that's another habit that I hear is rather hard to break.

Eric: Hmm?

Jackie: Grabbing other women.

Eric: How long are you going to punish me for that? I mean, it's all right. I understand that I deserve it. I'd just like to put some kind of a completion date on my calendar.

Jackie: Okay. Is your calendar the five-year kind?

Eric: No.

Jackie: Good, 'cause mine isn't, either.

Nick: Say something. Here, take charge.

Ridge: All right. Another toast, to my bad, bad baby sister.

Felicia: What is so bad about me?

Ridge: Oh, you live in France. It's decadent, it's unpatriotic. For once, I agree with Thorne. You need to move back here and design for us.

Darla: Hear, hear.

Felicia: As much as I would love to stick around and disrupt all your parties, relocating is just not that simple.

Brooke: Why not?

Ridge: Oh, come on, I need some decent competition here. Like he's going to keep me on my toes, huh?

Thorne: I know how much you hate this office. As soon as they finish painting the men's room, you can move right in.

Felicia: What you two need are battle axes and a gladiator arena.

Ridge: Maybe we could warm up the audience for you and mother -- speaking of battle-axes.

Felicia: Now see? That's what I'm talking about. Why would you want to inflict mother and me on each other, in the workplace or anyplace?

Eric: Felicia, I think what your two brothers are so awkwardly trying to express is that this is an opportunity for us to, sort of regroup, bring this family back together.

Ridge: Nobody would have to fake a heart attack, either.

Thorne: You had to be there.

Eric: And I think, more than anybody else, Nick and Bridget are responsible for this opportunity.

Bridget: Oh.

Eric: No, really. For bringing us together to celebrate your union and this little baby that's on the way here. And to help us forget all our little grievances. And to realize, once again, the only thing we have that's worth having is each other.

Ridge: Hear, hear.

Darla: Cheers.

Brooke: Cheers.

Bridget: Thanks, guys.

Nick: If I could just follow up that very poignant note and tell everybody in here that there hasn't been a time that I wanted to knock every one of your head's together.

[ Everyone protests ] But then I figured it out! No, no, I figured it out. I was thinking to myself, "why does this beautiful woman have such a big heart?" And I realized, it's because all of you have given her a piece of yours. I've never had it better in my life. You've made my dreams come true, especially this dream. So, I want to thank you all. And now, all I have to do is wake up and live those dreams. And that will be very easy to do because I'll be waking up to you.

[ Everyone awws ]

Bridget: Oh, that's so sweet.

Ridge: I told you.

******************************************************************

[ Felicia cries out ]

Felicia: Oh, you idiot.

Stephanie: Felicia, why didn't you tell me?

Felicia: What now, Mother? Tell you what?

Stephanie: Why didn't you tell me you have a baby?  

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