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As The World Turns Transcript Wednesday 8/5/09

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Provided By Eric
Proofread By Emma

Jack: Hey.

Janet: Hey.

Jack: You mad at me?

Janet: Why? Did you do something wrong?

Jack: Not that I know of, or is that a trick question?

Janet: I'm not the tricky type. When I'm mad, you'll know.

Jack: One of the things I love about you.

Janet: Don't you have to go to work or something?

Jack: Margo said I could have the swing shift today. What's wrong, Honey?

Janet: Nothing! I'm just -- I'm a little bummed out about dinner, that's all. It's no big deal. I'll get over it.

Jack: Hey, I'm still crazy about your meatballs, no matter what your sister cooks.

Janet: Don't turn this into a joke!

Jack: Oh, come on! Honey, you're obviously overreacting a little bit. Don't you think?

Janet: Oh, you would feel differently if you were in my shoes.

Jack: You and Teri are different people. You can't judge yourself based on her accomplishments.

Janet: This is not about Teri. This is about me.

Parker: Isn't there usually someone to do this on a photo shoot?

Rosanna: Yes, there usually is, when they can afford it. In the meantime, I'm going to be lint lady until we get our product on the shelves.

Craig: Guys, come on. We have to go. We have to meet the photographer at the tennis courts.

Parker: All right. I'm gonna go over to Al's and let Janet know that I can't work today.

Rosanna: Parker, you left that till today?

Craig: Go. Parker, we'll meet you at the location!

Rosanna: Ooh! "The location"? The location, the location. Whoo! The location.

Craig: I'm gonna let that slide. Parker seems pretty happy to be doing this.

Rosanna: Yes, Parker is thrilled to pieces.

Craig: Sage?

Rosanna: Sage is happy, too. Teri is picking her up later at the community center.

Craig: Really? Hmm. And what do you know, here I told you everything was gonna work out just fine.

Jay: I was starting to think you weren't here.

Audrey: Isn't it a little early? And what are you doing here?

Jay: You didn't really think I would stay away, now, did you?

Audrey: Hoping. I was hoping. Of course hopes never worked very well for me.

Jay: How about honor? Hmm? You made a commitment to me, and I expect you to make good on it.

Audrey: I will. I -- I will. Listen, you may have heard a lot of things about me, but I am nothing if not trustworthy.

Jay: Audrey, save your breath. The only language I speak is cash.

Audrey: You men. How about coffee? Room service just brought a fresh pot.

Jay: Thank you.

[Knock on door]

Audrey: Excuse me.

Henry: You can't keep the robe, Mother. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Don't drink that! Don't drink that!

Brad: Hi. Thank you so much for coming over.

Teri: Oh, not a problem. I don't have to pick up Sage until later. Hey, Katie. How are you feeling?

Katie: Pregnant. Brad, will you get Teri some coffee, please?

Teri: Oh, thanks, but I'm coffee'ed out.

Brad: No, no, no, no. Katie can't have caffeine, so she's pushing it on everyone else.

Katie: I just want to watch you drink it.

Teri: So, what's up, guys? What do you want to talk to me about?

Brad: You know the show "Oakdale Now"?

Teri: Of course. It's with that woman Geneva something or other.

Brad: Swift.

Teri: Who turned out to be a guy in drag, right? I saw it on UsTube. She was hysterical.

Katie: Not in a good way, though.

Brad: Okay. Well, I was Geneva's --

Teri: I know, sidekick.

Brad: No, no. No. I was the star of the show. Geneva was more of a novelty, like a chimp in a dress.

Katie: Brad.

Brad: Anyway, okay. Katie and I are normally hosts of the show, but, you know, she can't work -- because, you know, until after the baby's born.

Katie: Right. That's why they were trying out new co-hosts.

Teri: Oh, that must have been weird for you.

Katie: You have no idea.

Brad: So, Geneva's gone, Katie's unavailable, and Kim, our producer, she doesn't want to do the show with just me. So I need to find a partner just for a few months, until Katie can come back. So, we put our heads together, and we thought of the perfect person.

Teri: Who?

Brad: You.

Janet: I wouldn't give up Liberty for anything -- anything in the whole world. But it's just I made a decision when I was a 16-year-old kid, and that was it. I was never gonna do anything special with my life.

Jack: Honey, you don't have to do anything special to be who you are. You're an amazing woman.

Janet: But I could have been way more amazing! And it's not like I think about it all the time, because, you know, what's the point? But after seeing Teresa, all the things that she's seen, the places she's been, my life feels so small. Not you, okay. Not you. Not you. I love you to pieces. But it seems like all I've ever done with my life is survive, and that's just not good enough anymore, and there's nothing I can do to change it.

Jack: Honey, you can do anything you set your mind to. I've seen it.

Janet: Little things maybe, but it's not like I went to college or culinary school.

Jack: Hey, you should be teaching in culinary school.

Janet: I love you. You're the best husband in the whole world. I got to get going.

Jack: No, no. Hey. Wait, wait. No, no, no, no. Wait a second. You sure you're okay?

Janet: I'm fine. My life is what it is. Nothing anyone can do about it.

Jack: Maybe there is.

Teri: You want me to co-host a television show? Why?

Brad: Are you kidding? You're perfect.

Katie: It's not a done deal yet, though.

Brad: Well, we still have to run the idea by our boss.

Katie: But I think Kim's gonna love you.

Brad: I mean, with your personality and your culinary skills, you're a lock. So, are you interested?

Teri: Are you kidding? This is like a dream come true! When are we gonna start?

Brad: Today. We already set up the meeting, and then Katie and I just have to pitch it to our boss.

Teri: I canít.

Brad: Well, what do you mean?

Teri: I have to look after Parker and Sage for the summer. Rosanna really needs my help.

Katie: This is a big opportunity. Why don't you talk to Rosanna? Maybe she'll understand.

Teri: Maybe.

Brad: All right. Do what you got to do, but here's the address of WOAK. Just be there in time for the meeting. Thanks for coming.

Teri: Oh, hi, Jack. Bye, Jack.

Jack: Was it something I said?

Brad: You didn't say anything.

Jack: Good point. How are you feeling, Katie?

Katie: Fat.

Brad: And gorgeous. So, what's up, bro?

Jack: I need you to do me a favor.

Brad: Okay. What?

Jack: Give my wife a job.

Janet: This coffee isn't very good. Let me get you a fresh pot.

Liberty: Hey, Mom.

Janet: Hi. How was Anny's?

Liberty: It was good. She talked in her sleep, which is very entertaining.

Janet: Good. Can I get you some breakfast?

Liberty: No. I've already ate. But we're gonna go to the lake, so I thought I'd swing by and see if you could make us some sandwiches.

Janet: Oh, right. Not only do I have to sling hash for Henry and Vienna all day, but I'm also your personal chef.

Liberty: What? You've done it plenty of times before.

Janet: And you seem to always take it for granted.

Liberty: I'm sorry. I did not think it was such a big deal.

Janet: Everything is a big deal today, Liberty, okay? There you are. You're late. Come on, now, I've been slammed since I got here. I need you to bus those tables right there.

Parker: Janet, I'm sorry. I can't work today.

Janet: Oh, I did not hear that.

Parker: I'm sorry. I have to take these stupid pictures for my mom's company, the vitamin-water thing. I'm supposed to be a model or something.

Liberty: That sounds like so much fun.

Parker: Not really. I mean, I guess. Look, I'm just doing my mom and Craig a favor. I'm really sorry. You remember.

Janet: Yeah. I just didn't think it was gonna be today, and the least you could have done was call me so I could have gotten somebody to cover for you!

Parker: Janet, I'm really sorry.

Janet: Forget it. Just be quiet and get out of here before I change my mind. Go!

Liberty: Okay. And I'm gonna go, too.

Janet: No. Come here.

Liberty: What? What? Mom!

Janet: Put this on.

Liberty: What? Anny's waiting for me!

Janet: Call her and tell her you cannot do it. I need your help.

Liberty: No, Mom. I'm sorry --

Janet: Do not argue with me, Liberty! Not today!

Brad: So, what's up with Janet? Did Vienna fire her?

Jack: No, nothing like that. She's just feeling down in the dumps since Teri showed up.

Brad: I thought she was psyched about that.

Jack: Well, she loves her sister, but she feels like she missed out by having Liberty so young.

Brad: Missed out?

Katie: Like, on college or a career?

Jack: Exactly. Teri got to do a lot of things that Janet couldn't, and she doesn't resent Liberty. It's just that with Teri showing up after so many years, Janet can't help but think of all the things she could have done had things been different. She's feeling unappreciated.

Brad: Are you kidding? We love Janet.

Katie: She's amazing, and she makes you so happy.

Jack: Right.

Brad: And that is a tough job.

Katie: True. I'm just kidding. No, but she raised such an amazing kid. She's great at everything she does. I mean, she's not a gourmet chef, but everything she makes is unbelievable.

Brad: Remember that lasagna she made when she came on the show? She had the crew eating out of her hand.

Katie: Yeah, you too, as I remember.

Brad: It's the red sauce, Honey, but I always come back to you.

Jack: No, no. She was great, right?

Brad: Yeah.

Jack: And that's what got me thinking she'd be perfect.

Brad: Okay, so that's the job you're talking about? You want us to hire Janet to cook for us?

Jack: No, Brad. I was hoping that Janet could fill in for Katie at "Oakdale Now." Hey, you said she was great. If you give her a chance, you know she would be great.

Brad: I'm sorry. We just offered the job to Teri.

Jack: You've got to be kidding me.

Katie: No, he's not.

Jack: Isn't there any way you can take it back?

Rosanna: I've got the notes, and I'm gonna stick the notes right in your you know what.

Craig: Oh, and your purse.

Teri: Hey, guys.

Craig: Hi!

Teri: Oh, I'm so glad you're still here.

Rosanna: Oh, actually we're just on our way to the location. You dropped off Sage at the community center, right?

Teri: Yeah. A bunch of her friends are there, so she's really happy.

Craig: Great. Wonderful. We have to go. Parker's gonna beat us there.

Rosanna: Yes, and don't forget to pick up Sage later this afternoon, right?

Teri: Actually, Rosanna, I feel terrible. I canít.

Rosanna: What do you mean you can't? Why not?

Teri: I got offered a job co-hosting "Oakdale Now" with Brad Snyder. It's a great opportunity. So many people are gonna get to see me cook.

Rosanna: What about Sage?

Teri: I know. It's just for today. I have to go down to the station, meet the producer, and if she likes me, it's a go.

Rosanna: Oh, so you don't have the job yet.

Craig: Oh, but she will. You don't have to be psychic. Look at her! She's cute, she's smart, she's a great cook. You're a shoe-in.

Teri: Thanks. But it's not a full-time thing, so I can still do both.

Craig: Ah, see? It's a win-win.

Teri: Yeah, I think so. The kids are gonna be in school soon. I can cook. I can still do all the shopping. Hey, I promise I'll make it up to you.

Craig: How do you like that? What?

Rosanna: Oh, nothing. Nothing. It's just our promo campaign with Parker and the kids staying here at the house, and all of our hopes for the business just walked out the door on little high heels.

Audrey: Henry, what is wrong with you?

Henry: Don't get any on your hands. You have no idea what's in it.

Jay: I'm fine. I fixed it myself.

Henry: Were you here when the pot was brought in?

Jay: No.

Henry: Have you ever tasted antifreeze before?

Jay: Audrey, what's going on here? Your son, does he have some issues, or what?

Henry: No, no. I am fine. My mother is the sociopath of the family.

Audrey: My son thinks that I am a serial killer and you -- you are my next victim.

Henry: You wouldn't be laughing if you were turning blue and convulsing on the floor!

Jay: Just be careful. I might laugh myself into unconsciousness here.

Audrey: No worries there. We do have a defibrillator in the lobby.

Henry: I am trying to save your life here.

Jay: Gee, thanks.

Henry: You've got to understand. My mother is like a black widow, okay, and she lures her suitors into her web, and then she snuffs them out and sashays off to find new prey.

Audrey: You sound positively diabolical.

Henry: I have proof. I have proof.

Jay: Really?

Henry: Yes, I do.

Audrey: This is ridiculous! This is ridiculous!

Henry: I come from a long line of psychos, and my mother makes two. My little sister is in jail for murder, and you know what? I don't know why I don't just call the police and turn you in.

Audrey: Why don't you do that?

Henry: Because you're my mom, and because I don't know the other guys that you iced.

Audrey: That is so very sweet. You really do love me, don't you? You do.

Henry: Not enough to let you keep killing people under my nose, okay? No. It's over, Mom. You got to find another hobby.

Jay: Hey, you said you had proof.

Henry: Yes, yes. I do. I have newspaper clippings cross-referenced with her diary entries. If you'd like to see them, I will show you.

Audrey: Good. That's a great idea. Why don't you take him and work with him? You know, work with him here. Prove that I'm a serial killer. I'll just wait right here.

Henry: Please. Don't run away!

Audrey: Don't worry. I never go on the lamb until after noon.

Henry: Thank you.

Craig: For crying out loud. If things don't work, we'll just get another babysitter!

Rosanna: I cannot get another babysitter. The whole reason this arrangement is acceptable to Jack is because Teri is Janet's sister! He's not gonna accept anybody else.

Craig: We'll see.

Rosanna: "We'll see"? Why don't we just see about today, right? You and I are both going to the photo shoot, so we can make sure that all of our bases are covered, right? And we don't really know how long that's going to take. So, who's going to pick up Sage at the community center?

Craig: Call Jack.

Rosanna: No, we cannot call Jack! If Jack finds out about this, he'll be over here in two seconds, padding up the kids and moving them back to the farm before dinnertime! We are not calling Jack Snyder! That's not an option!

Craig: Would you calm down! Oh, my gosh! All right. How's this -- you go meet with Parker. I'll pick up Sage. Bases covered. You happy now?

Rosanna: I don't know. I don't know.

Craig: Oh, I can live with that. Let's go.

Rosanna: I hate you!

Jack: Can't you back out of the deal with Teri? Come on! Things change all the time in television. Can't you tell her that it's not gonna work out?

Katie: We already made an appointment with Kim. We don't want to look flaky.

Jack: Right. Wouldn't want to do that now, would you? It's all right.

Brad: I'm really sorry!

Jack: I'm not just worried about Janet, okay? Teri's supposed to look after the kids while Carly's away, and Sage has grown pretty dependant on her. If Teri backs out now, it's gonna break her heart.

Katie: Poor Sage. I feel so bad. She's having such a terrible summer.

Brad: Yeah. It's been a pretty bad one for us, too.

Jack: And I hate to uproot the kids, but Rosanna, she just can't watch them on her own. She canít. I'll move them in with me. It's no big deal.

Brad: You know what? Don't do that. Look, I'll explain the situation to Teri. I'm sure she'll understand.

Jack: Okay. The thing is, Brad, Janet can't find out about this. If she found out I was here, she'd be mortified.

Brad: My lips are sealed.

Jack: Yes, and she can't find out about Teri either, 'cause if she thought that she was a second choice, she wouldn't agree to any of it.

Katie: No, we would never do that, Jack, and she wasn't our second choice. We just didn't think of her first.

Jack: Don't get me wrong. She loves her sister. But having Teri back just dredges up just old feelings, you know? If she had something of hers, something to be proud of, it would just make her feel so much better.

Brad: Can I tell Teri this so she doesn't spill the beans?

Jack: I wish you didn't have to, but I guess there's no other way.

Liberty: It's just not fair! I have three weeks left of summer, and then I start classes, and I have college applications.

Janet: Oh, poor you! College applications? Oh, your fingers just must be whittled to the bone after a very strenuous internship at a fancy P.R. firm in Chicago. Oh, my gosh. How could I even ask you to help out? You are way above waiting tables. I don't know what I was thinking!

Liberty: Mom, are you really trying to make me feel sorry for you because no one ate your meatballs at a party?

Janet: That is not what this is about!

Liberty: Yes, it is! Go ahead, wallow, but don't take it out on me because you feel sorry for yourself that your sister's cooler than you.

Teri: What are you doing here?

Craig: Well, actually, I've come to get you to reconsider.

Teri: What?

Craig: Let me say I understand how important a job like this is to someone like you to be getting out there, building a following, and in the chef business, that is priceless.

Teri: So, why wouldn't I want to do it?

Craig: I think you're an insanely talented chef. You're gonna make it. Whether it's now or next year, I have no doubt that you're gonna be a huge success.

Teri: Just say it, Craig.

Craig: Carly's kids need you. I know you said you could do this job and spend time with them, but we both know that's not realistic. If you're not taping a show, you'll be preparing the next one or doing press or something else. It's really more than a full-time job.

Teri: I don't know much about the television world.

Craig: Oh, you think the restaurant business is tough.

Teri: But this would give me a real leg up, though -- a brand.

Craig: There's other ways. And don't you think you should get some real-world experience before you start going down the celebrity-chef route?

Teri: I've worked in plenty of kitchens.

Craig: But how many have you actually run? Most of the great chefs have spent years working, defining their style, learning to manage a staff. Do you really think skipping over those steps is right for your career?

Teri: When you put it that way, no. Why are you so worried about my career?

Craig: Trust me, I'm not that unselfish, but this has been the worst summer in young Sage's life. She and her mother were joined at the hip, and I think losing Carly for a while has -- has made her feel pretty lost. To be honest, I think losing you would just break her heart, and I'm not sure how much that poor kid can take.

Teri: I wouldn't abandon her.

Craig: Sage thinks with her heart. All she would see is that you were there and then you were gone. Parker --

Teri: Acts like he's an adult, but there's a lot of hurt underneath.

Craig: Yeah. I promised their mother I'd take care of the kids until she came back, but you're in a much better position to do that than I am. They're crazy about you.

Teri: It's mutual.

Craig: It's a big decision. Your career's important. But in my experience, if you don't have good people with you, family, it's not worth much. No pressure, though.

Teri: I don't know what to do.

Craig: Think about it, and take your time doing it. But I wanted you to know how much you mean to Carly's family and to the rest of us. See you around.

Henry: Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. What do all these men have in common? Audrey Coleman. She keeps these obituaries in her luggage. She is a serial killer, okay? These are souvenirs. It's a classic case. You don't want to join this club.

Jay: Maybe she's attracted to guys with heart conditions.

Henry: How's your ticker?

Jay: Fine, thanks.

Henry: For how long?

Jay: Okay, this is ridiculous.

Henry: Listen. Please listen. Murder runs in my family. We're downright homicidal. Now, why would I make up something like that?

Jay: Henry, you need to drink more. It'll be good for you. Bartender.

Rosanna: Just try to relax. You look great, Parker.

Parker: Oh, thanks.

Rosanna: Don't look at me, though, okay? Look at the camera. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't distract him anymore. I promise. That's good.

Parker: Can we take a break for a second? Thanks.

Liberty: Hey. You are looking good there, Parker.

Parker: I'm wearing makeup.

Liberty: I won't tell anyone.

Parker: You better not.

Liberty: Are you having fun?

Parker: I'm getting paid. That's fun.

Liberty: Totally.

Parker: What are you doing here?

Liberty: I just thought it would be kind of cool. I've never, like, been to a photo shoot or anything. Hey, do you want to hang out or do something if you're free later?

Rosanna: Hi, Liberty. Sorry. Parker's really kind of busy with work right now, and we've got a lot to do with very little time to get it done, so.

Liberty: I'm sorry. Can I just, like, stay and watch?

Rosanna: Yeah, sure. Just try to stay out of Parker's sight line, okay?

Parker: It's okay.

Rosanna: I just don't want you to be distracted. That's all.

Liberty: It's fine. It's fine. I'll hide behind a tree or something.

Rosanna: Sorry. Is she upsetting you?

Parker: No. We're just friends now. No more drama.

Teri: Please don't be mad, but I can't take the job.

Brad: Oh, why not?

Teri: I couldn't let down Craig and Rosanna. I made a commitment to them for the summer to take care of Parker and Sage. They are such great kids, and they miss their mom so much. I just wouldn't feel right about walking out on them, you know?

Brad: That's great. That's great.

Teri: You're not upset?

Brad: No, not at all. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think you would have made a terrific co-host, but since you can't do it, I was gonna offer the job to Janet.

Teri: She would be perfect! Oh, she's so bubbly and funny and a great cook -- not, like, a culinary cook. A real one. Oh, she's just a regular person who loves to feed people.

Brad: I know. Well, she was on the show a while back, and she was terrific. So it all worked out.

Teri: Well, if it can't be me, I'm glad it's my sister.

Brad: There's just one thing. It's kind of important. If she finds out that we offered the job to you first, it's really gonna hurt her.

Teri: Oh, I would not want that to happen.

Brad: Me neither. I didn't think of her. I don't know why.

Teri: You definitely should have.

Brad: So I can count on you not to mention it? Code of silence?

Teri: She won't hear it from me. I promise.

Brad: Thank you. Thank you. Are you sure you're okay with this?

Teri: Absolutely. You know, I'm a little disappointed. I wanted to cook on television.

Brad: Then you will! Come on! You're a rock star! It's gonna happen!

Teri: Yeah. Sooner or later.

Brad: Well, you just wish it was sooner.

Teri: I'll get over it. It's the best thing for everyone.

Brad: You'll see. It's all gonna work out.

Audrey: I brought some samples in for DNA testing the other day, and they told me they might be ready this morning.

Nurse: Sure. What's your name?

Audrey: Audrey Coleman. Just like it sounds, C-o-l-e-m-a-n.

Nurse: I'll check at the lab to see if it's in.

Audrey: Okay, thanks. I'll just be right here.

Katie: Audrey? Hi. What are you doing here?

Audrey: Hi, hi. Tests. Tests. Having some tests.

Katie: Is anything wrong?

Audrey: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I'm fine. Just, you know, standardized stuff.

Katie: Oh, good. Okay. Did Henry bring you?

Audrey: No, no. He didnít. And I really don't want him to know that I'm here.

Katie: Well, if you're sick or --

Audrey: I'm not sick. No, no, no. Not sick. I'm actually healthy as a horse, you know. It's just one of those check-up things everybody does. Check the plumbing. Make sure everything's raring to go. You know, I'm right as rain. I'm good. Feel good. Look good, I hope. How about you? How are you doing?

Katie: I'm great. Also just a check up. Baby's growing like a weed.

Audrey: Yeah, they do that, don't they? I want to buy you a cup of coffee.

Katie: And I want you to buy me a cup of coffee, but I canít.

Audrey: Why not?

Katie: It's not good for the baby.

Audrey: Oh, well, it never really hurt Henry, you know?

Katie: Are you sure about that?

Audrey: You know, you are a funny girl. I really enjoy talking to you.

Nurse: Don't you want your --

Audrey: No, I donít. I'm fine. I'm so much better. Thank you, though. I'll be in touch. You heal the sick. Go, go.

Rosanna: Look at that one! Wow! I can't believe it. Parker, you look like you've been doing this all your life.

Parker: You don't think I look like a geek?

Rosanna: No way. Are you kidding me? When these pictures hit the market, you're gonna be a babe magnet.

Parker: Oh, give me a break.

Rosanna: It's true. I think we've got our shot.

Photographer: You've got enough for an entire campaign.

Assistant: Thank you.

Rosanna: You know, your mom would be so proud of you.

Parker: Do you think we could e-mail them to her?

Rosanna: Yeah, sure. Let's just kind of wait till she's ready, though. You know, I mean, we don't want her worrying about the company while she's trying to get better.

Parker: Yeah, I guess.

Rosanna: Yeah. But, you know, you're really helping her out with this.

Parker: Even if she doesn't know it.

Rosanna: She will. Come on. You know, we're keeping the company going until she can step right back in when she gets back.

Parker: Yeah, and the vitamin-water business is gonna be a lot better for her than the liquor business.

Rosanna: Parker, I'm so sorry you've had to grow up so fast. It isn't fair.

Parker: Look, a lot of kids have it worse than I do.

Rosanna: Yeah, but that doesn't make it right. I know your mom would never do anything to hurt you. I mean, she loves you so much. But kids your age shouldn't have to take care of their parents.

Parker: Well, I love my mom, and things are already getting better.

Rosanna: Yeah. Yeah. God, you're such a great kid! I'm so proud of you! Oh! All right. You ready to go home?

Parker: You know what? You go. There's something I need to do first.

Rosanna: Oh, okay.

Audrey: So, how did it go with Henry?

Jay: Your son is certifiably insane.

Audrey: Yes, but he's kind of funny a little bit, right?

Jay: More like creepy, yeah. I played my part. I think I convinced him.

Audrey: Good. Thank you. You know, as soon as I can get Henry off this serial-killer kick, I can really focus on getting you your money.

Jay: And it better be soon.

Audrey: It will be. I promise, I am hot on the trail of the real Jay Stanhope. The sooner I find him, the sooner all our little troubles will be over.

Jay: Audrey, just don't screw it up.

Audrey: Jay, I don't intend to.

Bartender: Another round?

Henry: No. I'll just take the check.

Bartender: You're set. Mr. Zuma already took care of it.

Henry: Who?

Bartender: The guy you just had a drink with.

Henry: That was Jay Stanhope.

Bartender: Not according to his credit-card receipt.

Henry: "Raymond Zuma." What the hell's going on here?

Liberty: Hey, superstar.

Parker: Hey. I've been looking for you. How come you left without saying good-bye?

Liberty: Oh, you were busy, and your aunt was pretty adamant that I do not disrupt the artist while he's working.

Parker: Liberty, I'm just doing a favor for my mom.

Liberty: Well, I did hear the photographer whispering about how he thinks you're gonna be the next big thing.

Parker: Really?

Liberty: Parker billboards in Times Square.

Parker: Liberty, cut it out.

Liberty: Admit it. You had fun. You gonna do it again?

Parker: I mean, it's for my mom, so, yeah.

Liberty: I think it's really nice that you're helping out while she's in rehab.

Parker: Yeah. It was really hard to see her leave.

Liberty: I'm sure it was. I heard my mom and Jack talking about how you covered for a lot. That must have been really hard.

Parker: Yeah. Yeah, it was. She's my mom, you know? I mean, I'm sure you'd have done the same thing for yours.

Liberty: God. So much has happened since I met you.

Parker: Yeah. It's like we're completely different people.

Liberty: We've been married.

Parker: It's been kind of erased.

Liberty: Not really. Hey, what are you doing right now?

Parker: I don't know. Why?

Liberty: Can you use your mom's car?

Parker: It's just sitting in the garage.

Liberty: Parker, let's just go for a drive like we used to, just to get away from everybody.

Teri: I'm back. I can pick up Sage if it's not too late.

Craig: It's not a problem. It's already handled.

Rosanna: How'd it go with Kim?

Teri: It didnít. I decided not to take the job.

Rosanna: What? Why not? What happened?

Teri: Craig did.

Rosanna: Really?

Teri: We had a really good talk. He kind of bared his soul.

Rosanna: Oh. I didn't know he had one.

Craig: Very funny.

Teri: He said it was all about Parker and Sage and how much he loves them.

Craig: You know, there's no reason to give up all my secrets.

Teri: They've been through a lot, and they miss their mother, but until Craig laid it out for me, I don't think I really understood how hard things are for them. I said I'd be here for the two of you and the kids, and that's what I'm gonna do.

Rosanna: Hmm. Hmm.

Brad: Why, thank you, Jack. I will just pour myself a cup of coffee while you express your undying gratitude.

Jack: What are you talking about?

Brad: She is not gonna do the show. She's gonna stick it out with the kids for the summer, and she's going to keep quiet about it so Janet will never know about it.

Jack: Oh, thank you! Thank you. Come here, come here. I want to kiss you.

Brad: I know, I know.

Jack: It's been so long since we've kissed. Two brothers. Mwah! Oh! You did a very nice thing for me, my man.

Brad: Well, it was an amaz-- hi. Hi!

Janet: What's going on here?

Brad: Nothing.

Janet: You look guilty.

Brad: Unh-unh. Unh-unh. Not guilty. Excited! Because I have big news -- huge -- for you.

Jack: Would you just tell her, please?

Janet: Tell me what?

Brad: I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Well, okay. Janet Ciccone Snyder, beautiful, talented sister-in-law of mine, mother of my extraordinary daughter --

Janet: Okay. You're freaking me out here, Bradley!

Jack: Would you ask her already?

Brad: Okay. How would you like to be the co-host of "Oakdale Now" while Katie's, you know, pregos. Until she comes back?

Janet: Is this is something you two cooked up for me because you feel sorry for me, forget about it! I don't want your charity!

Photographer: Parker, great. I wanted to take some test shots, and I have all the gear in the car. Can you help me out?

Parker: Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Liberty: You're leaving?

Parker: Yeah, sorry. This job's kind of my number-one priority here right now.

Liberty: Right. Supermodel over here. We'll hang out soon.

Janet: This is a setup, isn't it? "Poor Janet. "Let's fix her."

Brad: You don't need to be fixed!

Janet: According to our daughter, I do.

Jack: Hey, Brad's not blowing smoke, Honey. He's making you a legitimate offer.

Brad: Okay. Hey, even if I did feel sorry for you, which I don't, because there's no reason to, I'm not gonna compromise my job. All right, you were good on the show before, when you were on. You know, and I talked to Kim about it. She thinks you're great, all right? Okay, so, if you don't say "Yes," there is no show.

Janet: Why not?

Brad: Because Kim has this insane idea in her head that I need to be a part of a team, and since Katie can't work, you know, the show's on hiatus until she pops or I find someone that's good enough to pinch hit for her, which is you. You'd be saving my butt!

Jack: Honey, you can do this! You just have to believe in yourself as much as everyone else does.

Janet: Well, I mean, I loved being on TV before, and there's a lot that I would like to teach people about food.

Brad: The crew's still talking about your lasagna, and they're all out of work, so if you don't say "Yes," there's no show.

Janet: It's kind of beyond my wildest dreams.

Brad: Then do it. We need you. The people, they need you!

Janet: Do you think I could do this?

Jack: Oh, in a heartbeat! Babe, in a heartbeat.

Janet: Okay.

Brad: Okay?

Jack: Okay.

Janet: Okay.

Brad: Okay.

Janet: Okay! I'm gonna be on TV!

Brad: Whoo!

Janet: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Jack: Okay, that's enough. Come here.

Rosanna: Craig, when did you talk to Teri?

Teri: At the station before my meeting, and I'm so glad he did, too. It turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. I got caught up in the hype, and I'm so glad you opened up my eyes to what's really, really important. He's so committed to those kids, and he's not even related to them. It's really remarkable.

Rosanna: That's one word for it.

Teri: After he told me how he felt, I couldn't let him down. Let you down. I should get dinner started. I'm gonna --

Craig: Well, I hate to say "I told you so," but I told you so.

Rosanna: Svengali strikes.

Craig: I explained the situation to her simply and honestly. That's all.

Rosanna: Really? Where'd you learn to do that?

Craig: I know, and it worked. Go figure.

Rosanna: Well, what do you want from me? A Noble Peace prize?

Craig: You know, I wonder if you could stop being a sour puss just long enough to appreciate what I did. I mean just this one time.

Rosanna: Why? Why do you need adoration from me, Craig, when you have Teri, your number-one fan?

Audrey: Hi. Yes, this is Audrey Coleman. You remember? I came in a little bit earlier about those DNA tests. Yes. I'm so sorry I had to run out, but as you could probably notice, my friend is pregnant, and she was about to lose her lunch, you know, and I think you clean that stuff up all day, so I didn't think you wanted to do that. So, anyway, I had to leave, but she's fine. Could you maybe give me the results of those DNA tests over the phone?

Nurse: It's not really protocol.

Audrey: Oh, but I promise, swear, swear, swear, I wouldn't tell anyone.

Nurse: The two samples you provided were a genetic match.

Audrey: Thank you. I knew it!

[Doorbell rings]

Katie: It's open.

Henry: Bubbles, thank God you're still home!

Katie: I'm always home. What's going on?

Henry: It's utter mayhem! It's worse than I originally thought.

Katie: What is?

Henry: My mother, the psychotic killer. I think she's struck again.

Katie: Oh, stop it, Henry. This is nuts!

Henry: I know, I know! It's totally nuts!

Katie: No. You're nuts. I just saw your mother a little while ago. She is not a killer. She's very sweet.

Henry: Do not -- do not let her fool you, okay? I just had a drink with her latest beau.

Katie: That's nice.

Henry: No, it's not. Audrey introduced him as Jay Stanhope. Only problem is that's not really his name. Underneath Mr. Stanhope lurks Raymond Zuma.

Katie: So?

Henry: So, obviously, if Raymond is going around masquerading as Jay, then the real Jay is either missing or dead.

Katie: Do you have proof of that?

Henry: No, not yet. But you're gonna help me get some.

On the next "As the World Turns" --

Margo: If Adam were still alive, would you try and get the charges against him dropped?

[Machine beeping]

Alison: I need some help in here!

Bob: What on earth happened?

Casey: Are you absolutely 100% sure that my grandfather told you to give that much medication to riley?

Barbara: I have dedicated my life to protecting you, and I am not out to let the likes of Emily Stewart dig her claws into you again!

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