[an error occurred while processing this directive] ATWT Transcript Thursday 6/25/09 [an error occurred while processing this directive]
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As The World Turns Transcript Thursday 6/25/09

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Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Emma

Carly: Those are beautiful.

Craig: I have a question for you. Did you really say that you'd marry me, or was that just a dream?

Carly: Well, if it was a dream, I suppose we were having the same one.

Craig: Huh. And in the cool light of day, you haven't changed your mind?

Carly: If I have changed my mind, do I still get the flowers?

Craig: Not on your life.

Carly: Hmm. Well, then, I suppose I'll have to go through with it.

Craig: Oh! So that's your reason.

Carly: What can I tell you? I'm a sucker for white roses.

Craig: So, tell me the truth. Jack had every reason in the world why this is a bad idea.

Carly: I said yes, and I meant it.

Craig: You didn't answer the question.

Carly: You didn't ask a question.

Craig: You didn't tell him.

Carly: I will.

Craig: So, what happened?

Carly: What do you think happened? I chickened out. But I'll tell him today.

Craig: How do you know you won't chicken out again?

[Carly sighs]

Carly: I donít.

Craig: Okay, then. I'll tell him.

[Carly laughs]

Craig: I'm serious.

Carly: You are seriously out of your mind.

Janet: I am so jealous that you have the day off today.

Jack: Yeah?

Janet: Mm! I'd rather spend it with you.

Jack: You can always call in sick.

Janet: Mm. I canít. We're understaffed. Vienna's doing that TV show, and Henry hasn't been himself lately. There is no place I'd rather be than right here on your lap. Mm. What are you gonna do with your day?

Jack: I don't know.

Janet: Well, it's beautiful outside. You're not gonna mope around in here, are you?

Jack: Actually, I thought I'd go ask the kids if they wanted to come by and -- and see the fireworks.

Janet: Uh, have you ever heard of a telephone?

Jack: I'm not allowed to see my kids? What?

Janet: You just want to go over there so you can check up on Carly.

Jack: No, that's not what I'm doing at all.

Janet: Do you think she stopped drinking?

Jack: I do.

Janet: But you still want to go check on her.

Jack: With Craig running interference, it's hard to know what's really going on, okay? And -- and now it seems like he's calling all the shots.

Janet: Oh, I doubt that. But he is a big part of her life.

Jack: Gee, when you put it that way --

Janet: Well, you'd better get used to it, because he's gonna be around for a very long time.

Carly: You really think Jack will take it better if it comes from you?

Craig: Jack and I have come to a certain understanding.

[Carly chuckles]

Carly: You don't have the foggiest idea what Jack understands, believe you me.

Craig: Come on. I'm trying to be optimistic here. And if he wants to go nuclear over it, I'd rather he do that at me.

Carly: My knight in shining armor.

Craig: You should concentrate on breaking the news to your kids.

Carly: Right. That should be a hoot, as well.

Craig: Exactly.

Carly: You really don't have to do this, you know?

Craig: My job from now on is to protect you. So, if you'll excuse me, I need to slip into my hazmat suit and give your ex the good news. See you later.

Brad: I hate this.

Katie: Brad --

Brad: No, I hate this. You're supposed to be in bed until the baby's born. I mean, that -- that's what the doctor says. I mean, you -- you're not supposed to be going out by yourself.

Katie: I'm just going to see the doctor.

Brad: I should take you.

Katie: You have to work.

Brad: Well, that shouldn't matter.

Katie: You do want the pip-squeak to go to college, don't you?

Brad: I'll call in sick.

Katie: No, you wonít.

Brad: Then I'll tell Kim the truth.

Katie: Brad, please, calm down. It's fine. What's the difference if I go in your car than a cab?

Brad: I would be with you instead of being with that bag, Geneva Swift. I just cannot believe they want to make her a regular on the show.

Katie: Well, Kim thinks she's good TV.

Brad: I should refuse to be a part of it.

Katie: College, Brad.

Brad: No, okay, it is a question of journalistic integrity.

Katie: You're not a journalist. You're a -- a TV personality. And now so is he.

Brad: "He" who?

Katie: What? She -- I mean, she -- Geneva Swift.

Brad: See?! See?! You know she's a freak, too, okay?! Remember that next time you tell me not to judge a woman by their looks.

Katie: I wasn't judging her! I wasn't!

Brad: Well, Kate, then why did you call her a "He"?

Katie: Geneva Swift is a fad. She will burn out fast, and Kim's gonna see it first and get rid of her. I promise.

Brad: Oh, I hope so.

Katie: Me too. Okay, you got to go.

Brad: You know what? I just -- I just think that -- Henry should drive you.

Katie: What?!

Brad: Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he would love to do it.

Katie: No, no. I -- I don't want Henry to. He's a warrior.

Brad: Worse than me?

Katie: You're the father of the baby.

Brad: Which is exactly why I should be there!

Katie: But you can't go!

Brad: Okay, well, I'm calling them right now.

[Henry sighs]

Henry: I think this makes me look hippy.


Henry: Hey, aren't you gonna be late for the studio?

Vienna: I know what time it is.

Henry: Why are you still here?

Vienna: Why are you rushing me?

Henry: Mm, what's wrong, Sweetie?

Vienna: I'm not ready. I need more practice.

Henry: Practice for what?

Vienna: For today's show. I'm supposed to do a pole dance.

Henry: Pole dance?

Vienna: Yes. Kim thinks that it will get the sparks flying between me and Geneva Swift.

[Henry chuckles]

Henry: I'm -- I'm sure you misunderstood. She probably wants you to have a discussion on pole dancing but not actually demonstrate it.

Vienna: No. All I can tell you is that they were setting up a pole on stage four last night.

Henry: No, no, no, no, no. They -- they can't do that, not on -- not on daytime TV.

Vienna: It's just dancing.

Henry: No, it's not just dancing. It's -- it's lewd, licentious, lascivious dancing.

Vienna: Oh, my God! You sound just like her.

Henry: Like who?

Vienna: Geneva Swift!

Katie: I -- I really don't think it's fair to ask Henry to take me to the hospital.

Brad: Why not?

Katie: Because he has a million things to do! Vienna is so busy with the show that he has to pick up the slack at Metro and the diner.

Brad: Oh, come on. He can get someone to cover --

Katie: No, he can't do it!

Brad: Are you okay?

Katie: I'm fine. Henry's not.

Brad: Is he sick?  

Katie: Yes. Not regular sick. Heartsick. Well, obviously, he's still mourning the loss of their child. So to have him come with me to the hospital to check up on ours just -- it doesn't sound right.

Brad: Yeah, yeah. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right, yeah. Okay.

Katie: Really?

Brad: Yeah. I mean, I just -- I just really don't like the idea of you going alone.

Katie: I'll be fine, I promise. I'll be careful. I'll wear my seat belt and take the elevator. And no side trips.

Brad: Okay, okay.

Katie: I'll just go straight to the hospital.

Brad: Listen, I want you to text me, twitter me every step of the way. "I'm getting in the car. I'm getting out of the car."

Katie: Okay, okay, fine. But you got to go.

Brad: No, you know what? No. This is a bad idea.

Katie: You do not want Kim to give Geneva Swift any more airtime.

Brad: Bite your tongue, all right? I want you to get back here in time to see the show, because today is the day that I cut Geneva Swift down to size.

Henry: How? How could you compare me to Geneva Swift?

Vienna: I'm sorry. Now will you please help me?

Henry: What? With the pole dancing?

Vienna: Well, unless you want me to fall flat on my butt on live TV.

Henry: What do you want me to do?

Vienna: Be a pole.

Henry: Excuse me?

Vienna: A pole dance requires a pole. And for some reason, the Lakeview doesn't provide a pole. So I need you to be a pole.

Henry: I don't speak polish.

[Vienna laughs]

Vienna: Funny. Stand as straight as you can, and don't move.

Henry: Okay.

Vienna: Now, how's that?

Henry: There's, uh, just one problem.

Vienna: What?

Henry: You're doing all the work.

Vienna: What do you mean?

Henry: I mean poles have feelings, too. Solidarity forever.

[Vienna laughs]

Vienna: No. No, no, no, no, no. I canít. I got to go to work!

Henry: Vienna, Vienna --

Vienna: Okay, promise later. Love you!

[Henry sighs]

Henry: This ends now!

Parker: You ready?

Sage: Yeah, come on.

Craig: Uh, wait, wait, guys. Uh, before you kids leave, there's something that I want to talk to you about, okay?

Sage: I'm supposed to meet Brittney.

Parker: Yeah, and I got to go work.

Carly: Okay. In a minute, all right?

Parker: What is it?

Carly: Will you give me a chance here, please?

Parker: Who's stopping you?

Carly: Parker, just zip it! You kids know that you mean the world to me. You and J.J., too, of course. And I would never want to do anything that would upset you or even make you uncomfortable in any way.

Parker: Okay, got it. Let's go.

Carly: No, Parker! I'm not through.

[Carly clears throat]

Carly: Now, I know that change can be a scary thing, and you've been through a lot of change lately. But it can also be really positive.

Parker: Just cut to the chase, Mom.

Carly: Okay.

[Carly laughs]

Carly; Okay, well, here it goes. I --

[Knock on door]

Sage: Hi, Daddy.

Jack: Hey, baby. Mwah! I'm glad you guys are still here. Listen, I was wondering if you -- what's going on?

Sage: Mommy's about to tell us that she's marrying Craig.

Janet: Hi.

Craig: Good morning, Mrs. Snyder. Is Jack here?

Janet: You didn't see him at Carly's?

Craig: No.

Janet: Oh, you guys must have just passed each other. Come on in.

Craig: Oh, great.

Janet: What's going on?

Craig: Well, I had something to tell him, but I guess he's just gonna hear about it over there now.

Janet: Hear what?

Craig: Relax. It actually is good news.

Janet: Really? That'd be nice for a change.

Craig: Carly and I are engaged.

Janet: Seriously?

[Craig scoffs]

Craig: I'm sure the word you meant to say was "Congratulations."

Janet: Well, I guess I should have seen it coming.

Craig: Well, thought you'd be a little more enthusiastic. You know, this actually is good news.

Janet: Maybe for you.

Craig: For you, too! I know Jack's been very concerned about Carly. That had to put some sort of a strain on your marriage.

Janet: Our marriage is not strained.

Craig: Whatever you want to call it. I'm just saying Jack won't ever have to worry about her again, and now he can focus on you.

Janet: Honey, if you think you marrying Carly is gonna make Jack worry less, you're crazy. But that's the least of your worries.

Craig: Wow! I was really hoping you'd be a little more positive about it.

Janet: Oh, sorry.

[Janet clears throat]

Janet: Congratulations.

Jack: You are turning into such a comedienne. Everything okay?

Carly: Did you see Craig?

Jack: Where?

Carly: At the farm. He -- he was headed out there to talk to you.

Jack: About what?

Parker: Oh, my God.

Jack: What?!

Parker: Sage is right.

Sage: Of course I'm right. Everybody thinks I know nothing, but I know a lot.

Jack: Is she right?

Carly: Uh-huh.

Jack: You're marrying him?

Carly: Mm-hmm.

Jack: And you sent him to tell me?

Carly: No, no, no. He volunteered. He was gonna talk to you while I was talking to the kids, which I was just about to do.

Jack: So you're getting married -- to Craig. For real this time?

Carly: That's right.

Jack: Well --

[Jack laughs]

Jack: Congratulations. I, uh -- I hope that the two of you will be very happy.

Carly: That's it?

Parker: That's it?

Jack: That's it.

Sage: Daddy --

Jack: Hey, this is your mother's decision. We've got to respect that, right?

Carly: Yes. Yes, you do. Thank you for that. And I think that having Craig and Johnny in our family will be very good for all of us.

Sage: Are they gonna live here?

Carly: That's something that we're gonna talk about. And you both are gonna be very involved in that conversation.

Sage: Do you really love Craig the way you loved Daddy?

Jack: Of course she does, Honey. Why else would she marry him?

Carly: I know this is a surprise, and it's gonna take some getting used to. And that's okay. You know, you are totally entitled to your -- to your feelings and your opinions. If either of you want to talk to me about it, I'm right here, okay?

Sage: Can we go now?

Carly: Sure. Hey. Just give this a chance, okay?

Parker: Yeah.

Carly: That went well.

Jack: It's a shock.

Carly: Well, thank you for being so -- calm.

[Jack chuckles]

Jack: Is that why you sent Craig to tell me -- 'cause you thought I'd have a meltdown?

Carly: I thought it was a possibility.

Jack: I'm married, Carly. I'm married to someone else now. I have no right to tell you how to live your life.

Carly: Even if that life is with Craig?

Jack: Totally your call.

Carly: Thank you.

Jack: What I said to the kids -- is that the truth? Do you love Craig the way you loved me?

Katie: Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Why are you here like that?! What if Brad saw you?

Henry: I waited until he left.

Katie: You were watching the house?

Henry: This is an emergency. I need you.

Katie: What's wrong?

Henry: I have to be at the studio like right now, and I cannot get my breasts straight.

Katie: That has to be the weirdest thing any man's ever said to me.

Henry: Are you gonna help me or not?

Katie: With your breasts?

Henry: And I've got a stuck zipper on the back, too.

Katie: Let's start with that.

Henry: All right.

[Zipper creaks]

Henry: Mm, God.

Katie: Stop moving!

Henry: I do not know how women dress themselves alone. I don't know how they do it.

Katie: Well, a stuck zipper is the least of your problems. I really think you need to rethink this.

Henry: Oh, God. I knew it. I knew it! This dress makes me look hippy, doesn't it?

Katie: I mean this whole charade! You cannot let them make you a regular on "Oakdale Now"!

Henry: Well, it's too late for that. I signed a contract.

Katie: Why?

Henry: Well, Kim insisted. She wanted to lock Geneva into "Oakdale Now," so how could I refuse?

Katie: You signed a contract as Geneva Swift?

Henry: Of course.

Katie: It can't be binding! She doesn't exist!

Henry: Yeah, Katie, she does. She's right here.

Katie: Oh, please. What are you gonna do if you get caught?

Henry: I'm not gonna get caught. I'm just gonna keep this up until Geneva accomplishes her mission, and then she'll disappear.

Katie: What mission?

Henry: Getting Vienna to stop making a sexual spectacle of herself on TV.

Katie: This is not fair to her.

Henry: It's not fair? Really? Do you know what she's doing today? A pole dance.

Katie: Why?

Henry: Why do you think? To get a rise out of Brad and to provoke Geneva.

Katie: No wonder Brad didn't want to go to work today.

Geneva: Good for him. Good for him. He doesn't like this salacious act any more than we do.

Katie: I still don't see how you becoming a drag queen stops this.

Henry: I didn't do it on purpose! It just happened!

Katie: Well, what if you "Happened" to make a mistake, and everybody finds out, and Brad wonders why I didn't tell him that you're making a fool out of everyone?

Henry: He'll never know that you knew. I -- I'm the only one that knows, and I'll never tell him. We girls have to stick together. How do I look? Aah!

Katie: Fine.

Henry: Not too hippy?

Katie: Would you just get out of here? And be careful, please!

Henry: I will. Thank you.

Katie: Sure. What are best girlfriends for?

Kim: Take that down to editing, would you? Thanks.

Vienna: So, Geneva's still not here?

Kim: No.

Brad: That's what you get for hiring an amateur.

Vienna: Mm-hmm.

Kim: Thank you for the reminder.

Vienna: Okay, so I have time to practice my pole dance?

Kim: Oh, absolutely.

Brad: Yes! I think that's a very good idea. Are you supposed to hug it?

Vienna: Oh -- like this?

Brad: Yeah, like that. And like kick your legs out and stuff. Well, I've seen Carmen Electra do it on TV.

Vienna: Of course you have.

Brad: That's a good move.

[Vienna groans]

Brad: You can straighten up now.

Vienna: No, I canít. My back.

Brad: Okay, well, maybe it's just a muscle spasm.

Vienna: No, no, no! No, no, no!

Brad: Straight up slowly.

Vienna: Stop, don't! No, no, it hurts!

Kim: Be careful. Be careful.

Brad: Okay, will you guys help me lower her down?

Vienna: No, no. If it's a muscle spasm, it should have been gone!


Kim: Don't hurt her. Be careful.

Vienna: It hurts! It's killing me!

Brad: You know, Kim, I think we should get her to the hospital.

Kim: Oh, we can't move -- don't move. Would you call an ambulance, please?

Vienna: Oh, no, no, no! The show -- I need to put that awful woman in her place.

Kim: Forget the show. We want to make sure you're not seriously injured.

Vienna: Oh, no, no! The show!

Brad: Don't worry about it! I'll handle the show.

[Fan gasps]

Fan 1: Geneva Swift! It's you!

Henry: You know me?

Fan 2: Of course we know you. We love you!

Henry: Thank you, ladies. Geneva loves you, too.

[Fan 2 laughs]

Fan 1: Are you on the show today? We watch every day that you're on.

Henry: Actually, I'm on my way right now, off to fight for decency, truth, and the American way. Toodle-oo!

[Both laughing]

Kim: I just hope this isn't really serious and that she just pulled something.

Brad: Well, I threw out my back once, and they gave me a muscle relaxer, and then I was fine.

Kim: Okay, look, there's nothing more that we can do for her right now. We have to focus on the show. I just wish that Geneva would get here.

Brad: Oh, forget her! Look, I can fly solo.

Kim: What? You think you're gonna ad-lib this week?

Brad: Yeah, I can think of something!

Kim: We need a new open, and I'm -- I don't know what --

Henry: Ooh. I'm sorry I'm late.

Kim: Oh, thank heavens you're here. Okay, look, we've had a few changes in our plans for today's show.

Henry: Why?

Kim: Well, I'll explain that later. We just need you to play a slightly different role today.

Henry: Oh, whatever you need.

Kim: Wonderful! Uh, what do you know about pole dancing?

Katie: Vienna? My God, what happened!

Vienna: Oh, my God. I hurt my back on the pole.

Katie: Are you okay?

Vienna: I am now. Someone in the ambulance gave me something that made me feel really good. Oh, can you call Henry for me? I need him right now -- here right now. I need him.

Henry: Pole dancing?

Brad: I'm not watching her do that.

Henry: I don't understand. Where's Ms. Hyatt?

Kim: Uh, she had to leave, and I will explain. But right now, I really want you to hurry up and get ready, all right?

Henry: I don't know why you think I'd even consider it. I -- I'm here to do commentary, not be some sexual gymnast.

Brad: Don't worry. No one is ever gonna think that.

Kim: Listen to me. You've got to read your contract. You agreed to do whatever the producers requested.

Henry: Well, not that!

Brad: Yeah, Kim.

Kim: We have no more time to argue. I want the two of you up here. I want you to be natural, be yourselves, and you'll both be just fine.

Brad: And if we're not?

Kim: Then you're fired. Places, please.

Brad: Trust me, Sweetheart, I don't like this any more than you do.

Henry: Don't call me "Sweetheart."

Kim: And 5, 4, 3, 2 --

Brad: Good morning. Hi, I'm Brad Snyder. Welcome to "Oakdale Now." Today's segment is about a craze that's sweeping the nation -- pole dancing. And here to demonstrate is our one and only Geneva Swift.

Henry: I know many of you out there are watching and thinking to yourself, "Well, what's our little Geneva up to now?" Pole dancing started in strip clubs, which is our nation's fault for not shutting them down. But pole dancing is very good cardiovascular exercise. It works every muscle in the body, and it helps you keep toned and fit without any special equipment. All you need is a pole --

[Brad chuckles]

Henry: Don't you dare sexualize this!

Brad: With you doing it, not a chance. All right, baby! Shake that thing!

Geneva: Call me "Babe" one more time, I'll kick your teeth in.

Janet: How's Johnny?

Craig: He had a little bit of a sniffle this morning, but he seems to be fine.

Janet: Good. So, why are you still here?

Craig: You know, I was just thinking, you and I -- we have a lot in common. We're both parents. We're both trying to do the right thing for our children.

Janet: So you think marrying Carly's the right thing to do for Johnny?

Craig: All those years you were a single parent, you didn't want to find a good father for Liberty? I think Carly would be a great mom for Johnny.

Janet: And that's why you're doing this? So Johnny has a mommy?

Craig: Yes, and because I love her and I want her in my life. But I also think Carly needs someone that she can count on.

Janet: You?

Craig: Okay, I know what Jack thinks of me, and I've given him plenty of reasons to feel that way over the years. But I'm just not that man anymore.

Janet: Okay, you convinced me. Can I go to work now?

Craig: You really don't think Carly getting married is a good idea.

Janet: Oh, Honey, I've been wanting Carly to get married for a long time. I was just hoping it'd be to somebody from Omaha, and he would take her back with him, and they'd live happily ever after.

Craig: Sorry. I'm not from Omaha, and we're not going anywhere.

Janet: Do you really think you can deal with Carly's issues?

Craig: I think wedded bliss is gonna be the best thing for both of us.

Janet: Well, good luck. You're gonna need it.

Carly: I do love Craig. He is exactly what I need right now.

Jack: If you say so.

[Carly sighs]

Carly: If you could just forget about the past, you might be able to see that he's actually very good for me.

Jack: Easier said than done there.

Carly: All right, well, why don't you just tell me what it is you're really thinking?

Jack: Hey, it doesn't matter what I think. It matters what you think, Carly. And I would love to know why you think it's a good idea for you to get married right now.

Carly: Why wouldn't it be?

Jack: Most 12-step programs don't advise you to make any kind of big lifestyle changes while you're in early recovery.

Carly: Oh, please. Please! Don't reduce me to -- to catchphrases, okay? I am not an alcoholic.

Jack: If you say so.

Carly: I don't drink! I don't drink anymore. Not a sip, not a nip, nothing, thanks to Craig.

Jack: I'm sure.

Carly: I know how you feel about him. And I know that you don't believe that he's changed, but he has. He is not the man that he used to be.

Jack: I certainly hope so, for your sake.

Carly: Okay. So, do we have your blessing or what?

Sage: Why does Mommy have to marry Craig?

Parker: Well, I -- I guess they love each other.

Sage: And you're okay with Craig and Johnny moving in with us?

Parker: Craig's here all the time anyway, and Johnnyís a pretty cool little kid. Come on. You'll have someone to boss around now.

Sage: That might be fun.

Parker: I think we have to give this a chance.

Sage: You just think that if you're nice to Craig, he'll change his mind and give you the trust fund money.

Parker: I hope so.

Sage: Well, I don't have trust fund money. So you can be Mr. Suck-up all you want, but I don't have to be.

Parker: Sage, we should give this a chance, for Mom.

Sage: What about Daddy?

Parker: What about him?

Sage: Does this mean he can't come over anymore?

Parker: No, of course not.

Sage: But it does mean they won't get back together, doesn't it?

Parker: You know what? I think you should have given up on that whole "Mom and Dad getting back together" thing a long time ago.

Sage: I know.

Carly: So, what do you think? Blessing or no?

Jack: Why do you even want it?

Carly: Because it would be a show of faith in me.

Jack: And Craig. I don't think so.

Carly: You just won't give an inch, will you?

Jack: I want to, Carly. Believe me, I want you to be happy. But with Craig, I'm sorry. I just don't see it.

[Door closes]

Jack: Hey, guys. How are you doing?

Parker: What's up?

Jack: Listen, what your mom said in there goes for me, too. If you ever need to talk to anybody, anytime, I'm here, okay?

Parker: We know.

Sage: And if you need to talk about anything, we're here, too.

Jack: Thanks, Honey.

Parker: Oh, my God!

Carly: What?

Parker: I believed you. No, I actually believed that you stopped drinking.

Carly: Well, I -- I did.

Parker: Mom, that's a vodka bottle!

Carly: Oh, no, no. That I'm getting rid of. This -- this is water from the tap here.

Parker: No, it isn't! Why are you lying?

Carly: I'm not lying! This, it's -- it's water from the tap!

Katie: Will you please call me back? I'm still at the hospital.

Vienna: Where could he be?

Katie: I think he said something about an appointment with his podiatrist.

Vienna: He doesn't have a podiatrist.

Katie: Maybe his accountant.

Vienna: No, I meet with the accountant. And he said he would be watching the show! Oh, my God, the show. W -- what are they gonna do without me?

Katie: Kim will think of something. She's very resourceful.

Vienna: No. I want to see what's -- aah -- happening.

Katie: Here, no.

[Katie chuckles]

Katie: You can't do that.

Vienna: Why not?

Katie: 'Cause the doctor's here.

Vienna: No, he's not.

Katie: Yes, he is.

Dr. Abeles: Ms. Hyatt, I'm Dr. Abeles.

Katie: I will be outside.

Vienna: Can you please call Henry again?

Katie: I will. Henry, I am not fooling around. Get out of that dress and get down here now!

Henry: As you can see, there is nothing at all sexual about this.

Brad: Not when you're doing it.

Henry: And it's a great workout for the abs and the quads and the ham -- ooh.

Brad: Is -- that must be with the butt.

Henry: I know you're not much of a gentleman, but do you think you could help me up?

[Brad groans]

Brad: You're a lot of woman. Hey, can you show us how that ab-strengthening exercise again? I -- I really liked that. That was good.

Henry: Oh, I don't know. A man of your intellect probably knows how to do it. Why don't you give it a try?

Brad: You want -- you want me -- you want me to pole dance?

Henry: Well, you're not some kind of sexist are you?

Brad: No, no, no.

Henry: Is this too hard for you?

Brad: No, hey, I'm an athlete.

Henry: Oh, then it should be a piece of cake!

Brad: Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Watch -- watch and learn.

Brad: Oh!

[Henry laughs]

Henry: Make that "Ex-athlete."

[Brad groans]

Kim: This is going so much better than I ever dreamed.

Jack: Well, if it isn't the groom-to-be.

[Craig chuckles]

Craig: I guess Carly told you.

Jack: She did, yes.

Craig: And you didn't even implode.

Janet: Did she tell the kids?

Jack: They found out when I did.

Janet: And how did they take it?

Jack: They were okay.

Craig: Kids take their cues from the adults around them.

Jack: Don't worry, Craig. I'm not gonna sabotage your marriage.

Craig: Glad to hear it.

Jack: But you've got a lot of work to do before anyone's gonna be ready to dance at your wedding.

Craig: Well, I'm not out for anyone's approval, Jack. But if you can keep the negativity down to a dull roar just this once, it would be better for your kids. And it's what Carly needs. She's got a new man in her life. She doesn't need a backup. It's good to see you, Jack.

Jack: Of all the people on the face of the earth that Carly could marry --

Janet: Oh, Honey! This could be good for her!

Jack: How?! She's making the worst decision.

Janet: Honey, Craig was right. Her problems are not yours anymore.

Jack: What's going on, Buddy?

Parker: Mom's in trouble.

Parker: I caught her taking a drink.

Jack: When?

Parker: Right after you left. She said it was water, but, I mean, from a vodka bottle?

Jack: She was lying?

Parker: Yeah. That's when I freaked out.

Jack: Was Sage there?

Parker: No. She was at her friendís.

Jack: Does Craig know that she's drinking again?

Parker: I don't know.

Jack: But you're sure that she was drinking just now?

Parker: Yeah, Dad. I know what I saw.

Jack: Okay. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go talk to her.

Parker: Okay. Um, do you want me to go with you?

Jack: No, I don't think so.

Janet: Um, Parker, you're working, right, today?

Parker: Yeah, I'm supposed to.

Janet: Well, so am I. Let's go.

Jack: All right.

Janet: Come on.

Jack: I'll call you later, okay?

Janet: What are you gonna do?

Jack: I am just gonna talk to her.

Janet: Go easy on her, okay? She is the kids' mother.

Craig: Well, that's it. Everyone knows. And I'll bet they were just bursting with joy for us here, weren't they?

[Carly laughs]

Carly: Well, look at the bright side. We're both still alive.

Craig: For now. How did Jack take it, anyway?

Carly: Well, he didn't break anything.

Craig: Well, that's something. And to hell with him. We'll just prove that he's wrong about it.

Carly: And how do you plan on doing that?

Craig: By living happily ever after.

[Carly laughs]

Carly: I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some?

Craig: Not really what I had in mind.

Carly: Do you want coffee or not?

Craig: Sure. Coffee sounds good.

[Carly goes in the kitchen cabinet and takes a drink of vodka]

Henry: And this will get rid of all the pain in your lower extremities.

Brad: Yeah, maybe pull my leg out of its socket.

Henry: Oh, don't be such a baby!

Brad: And that's a wrap for "Oakdale Now" today. This is Brad "The Pretzel" Snyder.

Henry: And the one and only Geneva Swift.

Brad: That's so long until next time.

Kim: And -- we're out!

Henry: Whoo-hoo!

Brad: What are you trying to do?! You trying to put me in traction?

Henry: Do you always whine this much?

Kim: You guys were so terrific!

Brad: Are you -- are you kidding?! I mean, that was a disaster! That was a complete disaster! I mean, I -- she made me look like an idiot.

Henry: Oh, you got that covered all by yourself.

[Kim gasps]

Kim: Listen, you really --

Brad: Oh, look, Kim. My fans got through security again.

Kim: Oh.

Both: Geneva! Geneva!

Fan 1: You are so wonderful.

Fan 2: Oh, the show is so awesome when you are on. Would you mind posing for a picture?

Henry: Oh, how can I say no.

Kim: I'm gonna go to the hospital and check on Vienna.

Brad: Yeah. I'm gonna go with you. This is the last place I want to be right now.

Floyd: I just want to thank you, Ms Swift. You are the best thing that's happened to "Oakdale Now" in a long, long time.

Henry: Oh, thank you, Sir. I thought it was a wonderful show until it got dragged down by sleaze. And you're absolutely right! This show was about to jump the shark until I got on board!

Floyd: I never met a woman like you before.

Henry: No, no. I don't think that you have.

[Floyd laughs]

Floyd: Uh -- do you mind having a picture taken together?

Henry: Of course not.

Katie: Henry, for God's sake, call me back.

Vienna: My God. Something happened to him. I know it.

Katie: No, no! I'm sure he just turned off his phone until he's done with the accountant.

Vienna: You said it was the podiatrist.

Katie: Him too.

Henry: Well, if you'll excuse me, Ms. Geneva Swift needs to check her messages. I wouldn't want to miss that call from Hollywood.

Fan 1: Ooh!

Henry: Oh, six messages.

Katie: Henry, it's me. Vienna's in the hospital. Call me right away.

[Normal voice]

Henry: Oh, my God.

[Woman's voice]

Henry: Oh, Lordy! The quilting bee's been rescheduled. I've got to go. Toodle-oo!

Kim: Vienna, how are -- Katie!

Brad: What are you doing here? You're supposed to be home in bed.

Katie: I saw them bringing Vienna in, and I couldn't leave her alone.

Brad: Well, where is Henry?

Katie: I couldn't reach him.

Brad: What is up with him? He's been like the invisible man lately.

Katie: Not exactly.

Kim: So, uh, what did the doctor say?

Vienna: It's, uh, a muscle spasm. I can go home, but I need to rest my back for a while.

Katie: So that means no more pole dancing.

Brad: We're done with that. Believe me.

Vienna: Well, I'm just waiting for Henry to take me home.

Brad: Well, I'll take you. We'll take you.

Vienna: No -- no, you should take Katie home. She's been on her feet way too long.

Brad: She's right.

Kim: Wait a minute. I'll take you home. Okay?

Vienna: Oh, thank you so much.

Kim: Yeah.

Vienna: I'm dying to get out of here. But what about Henry?

Katie: As soon as he calls me, I'll tell him to meet you at home.

Brad: All right. We should really go?

Katie: Okay. I'll call you later.

Kim: Okay. Let's get you --

Vienna: I'm so sorry I ruined today's show.

Kim: No, you didn't at all. Actually, everything worked out just fine.

Carly: Jack? Did you forget something.

Jack: Donít. Just don't, okay, Carly? I know the whole story.

Vienna: What are you doing here?

Henry: I heard the awful news.

Vienna: From who?

Henry: From the crew. Dear, are you all right?

Vienna: I'm fine.

Henry: Oh, thank God!

Vienna: That was very thoughtful of you to come here.

Henry: Well, we may have our differences, but we're still colleagues!

Kim: Uh, you didn't happen to see Vienna's boyfriend downstairs anywhere, did you?

Henry: No, can't say that I did. Well, now, you get better just as fast as you can, and I'll see you real soon. Okay, I got to go.

Kim: I'll be back. Uh, Geneva? I just wanted to tell you what a good job you did on today's show.

Henry: Oh, you're too kind.

Kim: Unfortunately, you know, Vienna's not gonna be able to do the show for a while.

Henry: How unfortunate.

Kim: Well, yes, it is. I just suddenly wondered how you would feel about being her replacement.

Henry: You mean?

Kim: Well, Brad's co-host.

Henry: Well, how will he feel about that?

Kim: Well, he certainly knows you two have great chemistry. Would also be a shot in the arm for the show, which we all want.

Henry: Well, if you're sure.

Kim: Oh, I'm positive. I've been in this business a long time. I know star power when I see it.

Henry: That -- that's very flattering.

Kim: Good. We'll see you tomorrow then.

Brad: I just can't believe what a pain in the ass that woman is! I mean, literally, I bruised my tailbone, along with other parts of my body, all because of her! Did I mention to you that she is ugly. Like ugly, ugly.

Katie: Several. Yeah, several times.

Brad: I mean, I just can't believe that they would -- they would let that hideous woman sit in your chair!

Katie: Well, I think that Kim will eventually realize how crazy it is!

Brad: Oh, I don't know. I -- I don't know. She looked psyched.

[Cell phone rings]

Katie: Would you get me a cup of tea while I take this call, please?

Brad: Yeah, yeah.

Katie: Where the hell are you?!

Henry: Home. Listen, you are never going to believe to this, but Kim wants me to replace Vienna until she's back up on her feet.

Katie: You? The co-hosts are supposed to be a man and a woman.

Henry: No, no, no, no. Not Henry. Geneva. She -- she thinks I'd be a good female counterpoint to Brad.

Katie: But you're not a female. I hope you said no.

Henry: I said yes.

Katie: This is insane!

Henry: Listen, Sweetheart, don't worry about it, okay? As soon as you're up and running, the chair will be right there for you.

Katie: That is not what I'm worried about.

Henry: Well, if it's about the show, I can do it.

Katie: I'm worried about you, Henry.

Henry: Sorry, Honey. I got to go.

Parker: Janet, can I ask you something?

Janet: Uh, sure.

Parker: Do you believe me about my mom?

Janet: Why wouldn't I?

Parker: I -- I know you don't exactly trust me.

Janet: Well, that depends on the circumstances, Parker. I know you're not a liar.

Parker: What's gonna happen to my mom?

Janet: Don't you worry about a thing, okay? Your dad's not gonna let anything happen to you kids.

Parker: Yeah, but what about her? I mean, she doesn't have Dad to protect her anymore.

Janet: Well, she has Craig.

Parker: You really think Craig can take care of her the way that he did?

Janet: Well, I'm prejudiced. I happen to love your father. But I know that Craig is gonna do the best he can.

Jack: Yeah, I'm starting to figure out how this all works. You say you want to marry Carly 'cause the two of you bring out the best in each other? Now, to me, that translates into Carly lying and you covering for her, Craig.

Craig: What are you talking about?

Jack: You're not doing her any favors. You know that?

Carly: What is this about, Jack?

Jack: I know you were drinking today.

Carly: No, I wasnít.

Jack: Parker told me you were.

Carly: He said that?

Jack: Is it true?

Craig: Of course it's not true. Parker's upset about our engagement. He's lashing out. That's all.

Jack: Carly, were you drinking, or weren't you?

Carly: Of course not.

Jack: So Parker's the liar?

[Carly scoffs]

Carly: I wasn't drinking! Tell me you believe me.

On the next "As the World Turns" --

Carly: You still think I'm drinking, don't you?

Craig: I want you to move in. Your sister needs you.

Casey: The real Riley Morgan is dead. The guy who's living with us -- I don't know who he is, but he's a fake.

Riley: Knowing them, they know the truth about me. I'm sure Casey went to the cops! I got to get out of here before --

Winston: No. You're not going anywhere.

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