As The World Turns Transcript Wednesday 8/1/01


Provided By Stephanie
Proofread by Gisele

Ben: Lien Hughes, will you make me the happiest man on earth?  Will you marry me?

Lien: I -- I don't know what to say.  I think I need to sit.

Bob: Hey, you knocked her for a loop.  Lien, are you all right?

Lien: I'm fine, physically.  The next time you pop the question, give a girl a little warning.

Ben: I know this is impulsive and very out of character for a guy who does everything by the book.  But we both know that we're not promised tomorrow, and our time together is too precious to waste.  If it feels this right, you know it's gotta be right.

Curtis: Say something, Lien.

Lien: I'm -- I'm still too shocked.

Lisa: This is all so precious.  She's so flustered.  Cat's got her tongue.

Come on, give him the answer.  Come on. 

Cass: Sorry I'm late.  Long meeting with the D.A.

Craig: What's the good news?  Now they know I wasn't involved in the second attempt on Barbara's life, they ought to throw out the charges completely.  I don't suppose that happened.

Cass: Oh, yeah, sure, Craig.  In your dreams.  The only thing they know is that you didn't attack Barbara personally.

Craig: And it means nothing that I was with Carly at the time?

Cass: Look, the prosecution sees Carly and you as accomplices, so there's no proof that the two of you didn't hire someone else to make another attempt on Barbara's life.

Craig: Insanity.

Cass: Fasten your seat belt, there's more.  Barbara's taking the stand.

Craig: She's not a well woman.

Cass: She's doing it against her doctor's orders.  That's how determined she is to tell her side of the story.  And that's how determined her lawyer is to make sure that the jury sees for themselves what you did to her.

Craig: What she alleges I did to her.

Cass: Yes -- as I said, there's more.  The D.A. came up with a deal.

Craig: A plea bargain?

Cass: You cop to a lesser charge, aggravated assault and battery.  You'll be out in five.

Craig: That's not an option.

Cass: Craig, that's a solid offer.

Craig: You're asking me to accept this?

Cass: I'm asking you to give it some serious thought. 

Jennifer: I'm sorry, I'm just -- I'm not getting this.  How can you belong to a country club if you just started your job at Worldwide like 15 minutes ago?

Bryant: Well, you know Lucinda.  She just -- she threw me a huge signing bonus, and she's a charter member there, so it's not a big deal.

Jennifer: It's a huge deal.  Are you kidding me?  You actually want to hang out with all those stuffy people?

Bryant: How do you know they're stuffy people?

Jennifer: Hmm, fat cats and debutantes, not exactly my idea of a fun crowd.

Bryant: Well, you're just gonna have to show those debutantes that they may as well hang it up, because not one of them is even half -- no, not one- tenth -- as beautiful as you are.  So please indulge me and let me show you off.

Jennifer: After I visit my mom?

Bryant: It's a deal.

Jennifer: Okay, I'll go get my suit.

Bryant: All right.  You know what?  Why don't you model a few of those for me?  I'll --

Jennifer: Wait right here. 

[Monitor beeping]

[Knock at the door]

Barbara: Who is it?

Slocumb: You have a visitor.

Barbara: Who is it?

Slocumb: Carly Tenney.  Says it's urgent.

Barbara: Tell her -- tell her to come in, but don't go far.  She's half the reason I'm here.

Carly: Barbara?  Hi.  I've been thinking about you.  I wanted to come and see you sooner, but Jack's been keeping me posted.  How are you doing?

Barbara: How do you think?

Carly: I was glad to hear that you came out of your coma.

Barbara: It's been an eye-opening experience.

Carly: Well, you were unconscious for quite some time, as you know, and I thought when you woke up, you might have forgotten some things, so I thought that I would --

Barbara: Why are you here, Carly?

Carly: I want you to hear the truth from me.

Barbara: The truth?  You don't have a nodding acquaintance with the truth.

Carly: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Barbara: You're sorry?  Oh, a new leaf -- so you can try to get your hands into my company and into my life again?

Carly: No, no, no, no -- look, I don't know what kind of stories your son has been telling you, but I assure you, none of it is true.

Barbara: Did you or did you not try to fill my shoes at B.R.O.?

Carly: Oh, I did a few sketches.  That's all.  Craig told me he needed some help to keep the company afloat.  I swear to you, there was never any master plan to take your company away from you.

Barbara: You swear?  I would almost believe you if I didn't know you --

almost.  But I do know you, don't I, Carly?

Carly: You're wrong, Barbara.  You're mistaken here on several points.  I don't want your job.  I definitely don't want your husband.  Jack Snyder is the only man I want.  There is no competition here.

Barbara: No, no competition, because we are not in the same league.  I do not compete with amateurs.

Carly: I'm not trying to muscle in on your territory, okay?  In fact, what I really want is to walk out that door and for the two of us to never have anything to do with each other again.  So how's this?  You just take me off your witness list, and Jack and I will go and live quietly and happily ever after.

Barbara: I am sure that Jack is as curious as I am to hear your testimony.

We should all hear what kind of woman Carly Tenney really is.

Carly: No.  I have told Jack the truth.  He knows there is nothing going on between Craig and me.

Barbara: Then there is nothing to fear.

Carly: Barbara, I had nothing to do with that explosion, and if the D.A.

tries to prove I did, she will fail.  There is absolutely nothing to go on.  So what is the point of even having me testify?  It's just a waste of everybody's time!

Barbara: A waste?  Oh, I don't think so.  Even if I can't send you to jail, there are other benefits.

Carly: Such as?

Barbara: Making a public and legal record of the kind lying, manipulative, bottom-feeding slut that Carly Tenney really is. 

Lien: Thanks.  I'm sorry.  I must look like a total fool right now, but a proposal was the last thing I expected to find here tonight.

Ben: And I promise you a life full of surprises.

Curtis: Yeah, and if Dad falls short, I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

Lisa: Well, now, just excuse me, but I have not heard the "yes" word yet.

Don't leave this sweet man hanging.

Curtis: Well, she's probably waiting for you to get back in position.

Ben: Lien, you have brought so many wonderful things into my life.  Give me the chance to do the same for you.  Be my wife.

Lien: How can I say no?

Lisa: It's not official until you say the other word.

Curtis: Go on, Lien.  You can do it.

Lien: Yes, yes, Ben Harris.  I will marry you. 

Craig: Five years in prison for something I didn't do?

Cass: If we're lucky and Jessica's in a mood to bargain, I might be able to get one or two years shaved off the sentence.

Craig: Would you take the deal?

Cass: No, not if I was innocent, but I might be sabotaging myself.  I might be sealing my own doom.  If my case were as weak as yours, if there were a witness like Barbara whose injuries, both physical and emotional, were only going to make the jury's collective heart bleed, I would hope like hell there'd be somebody there to talk me into helping myself.

Craig: And if I refuse this deal, what is your strategy?

Cass: Well, you know, I can always buy a few expert witnesses to cast doubt on Barbara's testimony -- doctors, psychologists, trauma experts.

Craig: So they discredit her.  What's the problem?

Cass: I'd have to do more than discredit her testimony.  I'd have to go for the jugular. 

[Monitor beeping]

Carly: What is dragging my name through the mud going to do?  It's not like that hasn't happened before.

Barbara: Then you won't have any problem rehashing your checkered life on the witness stand.

Carly: I'm just thinking about Jack.  Hasn't he been through enough, Barbara?  Almost losing his job --

Barbara: Because of you.  His wife is in a Psych ward because of you.

Carly: And he almost died because of you!  He saved your life, Barbara.

Is this the way you want to repay him?

Barbara: Not him, you.  You stole from me.  I will steal from you.

Carly: You want a full admission of my sins?  Okay, I sketched some really great designs.  That's it.

Barbara: Oh, don't sell yourself short, Carly.  Maybe you couldn't get your claws into my company, but you have been trying to get your teeth into my new husband ever since you crawled back to Oakdale.

Carly: You're imagining things.

Barbara: I see.  I see.  I imagined that you bent over backwards trying to convince me that my life on the merry-go-round was stagnating me.  "Ride the roller coaster!  Make life an adventure!" Is this the adventure that you had in mind for me, Carly?  So that you and your lover could rob me blind and go at each other behind my back?

Carly: Craig and I have never been lovers!  Why don't you just face it, Barbara, sometimes rotten things happen to rotten people.

Barbara: I plan on saving Jack's life just like he saved mine.  I plan on making it my mission to make sure that you never get your hands on Jack Snyder -- never!

Carly: Oh, my God. 

[Monitor beeping]

Carly: Barbara --

Barbara: Oh, that's right.  You haven't seen your handiwork yet, have you?

Carly: I had nothing to do with the bomb.

Barbara: You certainly helped things along.

Carly: I'm really sorry about what's happened to you, but you are blaming the wrong people.

Barbara: When that bomb went off, it shattered my life, my family, my future, my career and my face, as you've so kindly reminded me.  What would you do, Carly, if you lost what mattered to you most, if you lost Jack?

Carly: That is not going to happen, lady.  No matter what you do, no matter how you try to poison Jack against me, that is not gonna happen, because he loves me, and I love him, and I will fight for him.  So don't even bother threatening to try to take him away from me.  I will die before I let that happen.

Barbara: Oh, you hold onto that dream.  We'll see what happens when you get on the witness stand.  We'll see what kind of new perspective Jack has on you.

Carly: You know something?  That explosion burned away more than your face.  It seems to have gotten to what was left of your heart.

[Barbara breathing heavily]

Carly: Barbara, would you like me to get a nurse or something for you?

[Barbara grabs Carly’s scarf around her neck and pulls her close]

Barbara: You have messed with my life for the last time.

Carly: What are you doing?!

Barbara: I'm playing by Carly's rules.  I may learn to like it.

Carly: Get off me!

Paul: What do you think you're doing?!

Carly: What?!  What am I doing?!

Paul: Do you have any idea what kind of pain she's in?!

Carly: Well, I guess I must bring out the beast in her!  She practically killed me.

Paul: Officer!  Mom, are you okay?

Carly: Is she okay?  That's funny.

Paul: This visitor is Carly Tenney.  Memorize her face.  She is not allowed within 500 feet of this room!

Carly: She attacked me!

Paul: Considering what you and Craig have done to her, I think you're getting off pretty cheap.  Get her out of here!

Carly: Get your paws off me!  You know, you two have fun concocting your lies and your conspiracy theories.  You deserve each other. 

Paul: You're sure you're all right?  Mom, I'm not doing such a good job of taking care of you, am I?

Barbara: It's not your fault.  It's Carly.  Don't worry.  I have plans for her. 

Lien: Talk about a surprise.  Wasn't that the most romantic proposal you've ever seen?

Tom: It was something.

Lien: Ben Harris is the sweetest man on earth.

Tom: Well, aside from him breaking all speed records on his way to the altar, he's a prince.  Want to tell me what you're doing?

Lien: I'm taking the leap that all fathers think their little girls are never going to take.

Tom: A little while ago you were telling me that you didn't want to be forced to define your relationship with Ben.  You couldn't even tell me that you loved him.

Lien: Yet --

Tom: You're accepting a marriage proposal?

Lien: Isn't it my prerogative to change my mind?

Tom: I just don't think it makes any sense.

Lien: You know what doesn't make sense?  Wasting time.  But put it into focus.  I was this close to death a few weeks ago.  Think of the things I almost missed.

Tom: I can't let you do it.  Being married is difficult enough when you know you love the other person, but --

Lien: Dad, it's not your decision.  It's not your life.  Do you honestly think I could do better than Ben Harris?

Tom: You don't love him, honey.

Lien: I will, and I can.  What's not to love? 

[Monitor beeping]

Paul: Your one and only daughter's here.  I'll send her in, okay?

Barbara: No, no.  Paul --

Paul: What?

Barbara: I'm not up to seeing anyone right now.

Paul: Mom --

Barbara: She'll understand.

Paul: Mom, she hasn't seen you since you got out of your coma.

Barbara: It's only been a couple of days.  I'll see her soon.

Paul: Mom, she's dying to see you now.  What am I supposed to tell her?

Barbara: I'm asleep.  Please, Paul, don't make me feel guilty about this.  I will see her soon, all right?  Please. 

Jennifer: Now that I've been announced by the butler --

Paul: I'm sorry, Jen, now's not a good time.  She's sleeping.

Jennifer: But we just heard voices from inside.

Paul: That was me.  I was checking to see if she was awake, but she had a rough afternoon, and the painkillers are making her doze off, so --

Jennifer: Okay, well, then I'll just sit next to her and wait till she wakes up.

I won't stay long, I promise.  Just a couple of minutes to tell her how much I love her.

Paul: She knows how much you love her, okay?  Just -- just let her rest, okay?

Jennifer: You're impossible.  Since when did you turn into Mom's bodyguard?

Paul: Jen --

Jennifer: Paul -- ?

Paul: Just -- just come back later, okay?  Give her some time.

Jennifer: What is this?  I'm not even allowed to go sit next to her, not say anything?

Paul: I'm sorry.

Bryant: Jen, come on, just give your mom some time to rest, all right?

Paul, we'll see you later. 

Cass: The problem is, I'd have to do more than discredit Barbara's testimony.  I'd have to convince the jury that she's got questionable motives for wanting you to suffer.  I'll have to paint her as a jealous, insecure, vindictive wife who's manufacturing a lie in order to punish the man she thinks broke her heart.

Craig: Sounds about right to me.

Cass: A woman who can change her mind on a whim.  Didn't she call off the wedding a half dozen times before finally walking down the aisle?  And she was so easily influenced by her relative's opinions.  Of course, she could have false memories of the night of the explosion.  They were created by overhearing speculations from her son, Paul.  And on and on and on.  You see how ugly it could get, Craig?

Craig: Do what you have to do. 

Carly: Hey.

Molly: Hi.

Carly: Hey.  I'm sorry I'm late.  You would not believe the day I've had.

Molly: Is this somehow Craig-related?

Carly: How could you ever guess?

Molly: Carly, did I or did I not tell you to stay away from that guy?

Carly: Yeah, I know, and I am --

Waiter: Ladies, I'll be right back to take your orders.  Carly: Thank you.  I'm giving Craig a very wide berth.  I don't even have any choice, now that Barbara's brain has blown a fuse and I've been subpoenaed to testify.  I despise Craig Montgomery, but I hate his screwy wife even more.  I wish I'd never met either one of them.  He is the most infuriating, ego-driven -- okay, fine.  Go ahead.  You can sneer if you want to, but I am telling you, if I ever see that man again [Carly looks over and sees Craig] -- I can't escape him.  He's like quicksand.

Cass: If the jury catches you looking at Carly Tenney like that in court, you're going to jail. 

Molly: Carly?  Do you know it takes a lot more energy to ignore someone than it does to just walk away?

Carly: Well, I wish you'd offered me that little tidbit before my run-in with Barbara today.

Molly: What happened with Barbara?

Carly: Just the usual.  She vowed to make my life a living hell.  You know, that accident has turned her into an even bigger shrew than she was to begin with, if that's possible.

Molly: Did you at least bring flowers?

Carly: That's not funny.

Molly: Well, what did you think you were gonna accomplish, really?

Carly: She thinks I'm having an affair with Craig.

Molly: And you're not, right?

Carly: No.  No, of course I'm not, but if I have to testify, it would be like opening an exploding can of worms.

Molly: You talkin' about that kiss?

Carly: Please, don't remind me, okay?

Molly: Okay, Carly, but what if the court decides to remind you?

Carly: That's why they invented perjury.  Craig and I and you, we are the only ones who know about it, and if Craig mentions it, he'll be in even hotter hot water.

Molly: And you'll have a lot of 'splaining to do to Jack.

Carly: Yeah, right, as if that hasn't become a daily ritual as it is.  All he needs is just one more story about Craig and me.

Molly: And he won't let you two kids play together anymore?

Carly: And he could leave me for good, Molly.  That's why I have to be so, so, so careful.

Molly: Good luck.

Carly: Well, thank you.  Thank you for the vote of confidence.

Molly: Just one question.  When they ask you under oath if you have any feelings for the defendant, if you're attracted to him at all, how in the world are you going to convince anybody? 

Cass: Think you can take your eyes off her long enough to finish discussing your case?

Craig: Look at her, Cass -- almost feral, like some kind of unpredictable, blond cat.

Cass: "Unpredictable." Terrific.  I'm looking forward to putting her on the witness stand, but a cat lover like you should be warned.  That little kitty could send you to prison if she says the wrong thing.

Craig: I can handle Carly.

Cass: No, let me handle Carly.  You avoid Carly like a good little defendant should.  Can you do that?  Try. 

Carly: You are so wrong.  You keep talking about that kiss, but it meant nothing to me, less than nothing.  I can not wait for the day Craig disappears from my life altogether.  How many times do I have to tell you that?

Molly: Until it starts sounding like the truth?

Carly: All right, I'll prove it to you.  No more talk about Craig, okay?

Let's talk about you.

[Molly’s Phone rings]

Molly: Ooh, sorry.  I'm off the hook.

[Molly answering her phone]

Molly: Hi, stud.  Yeah.

Molly: Yeah, it's for you.

Carly: For me?  Hello?

Craig: Guess who? 

Bryant: Would you look at this place?  You got to admit, this is living.

Jennifer: It's nice.

Bryant: "Nice"?  This isn't nice.  This is phenomenal.  Look at this -- "for your pool-side pleasure."

Jennifer: Nah, I'm not hungry.

Bryant: Maybe not now, but after we take a few laps in the pool, lounge in the Jacuzzi for a bit, get a massage, maybe jump on a few of those ponies and take a couple laps around the grounds --

Jennifer: Maybe next time.

Bryant: What's wrong now?

Jennifer: Well, I'm too busy wishing that the earth would open up and swallow me whole.  My mother refused to see me.  My brother outright lied to me, and I know the real reason is because she remembers.  It all came back to her, everything that I did before the wedding and after.

Bryant: You know, for a pretty smart girl, you can be pretty dumb sometimes.  Your mom's exhausted.  She's probably experiencing a million different types of pain, and she can't be, you know, your best hostess right now.

Jennifer: Okay.

Bryant: Hey.

Jennifer: All right, point taken.

Bryant: Your mom loves you, but while she's resting, let's bask in the sun, enjoy a little decadence, and please, take that grandpa shirt off.  Show me some flesh.

[Jennifer laughs]

Bryant: The queen of fashion's daughter, girlfriend of the hottest bachelor in this town, and she's all covered up?

Jennifer: You want to see what I'm hiding?

Bryant: Mm-hmm.

Jennifer: Okay.

[Jennifer takes off her shirt and Bryant falls into the pool]

[Jennifer laughs]

Bryant: Whoo!  Promise me one thing?

Jennifer: What?

Bryant: That we'll spend the rest of the summer like this, and you will smile like that forever?

Jennifer: Twist my arm.

Bryant: I won't need to, because I've got the secret.

Jennifer: Hmm?

Bryant: The secret to keeping you happy forever.

Jennifer: Well, I'm all ears.

Bryant: Move in with me. 

Jennifer: You want me to move in with you?

Bryant: Just think about it.

Jennifer: I think you should get out of the sun.

Bryant: I know what I'm talking about, and I want to live with you.

Jennifer: I don't know, Bryant.  Moving in, that's such a huge step.

Bryant: Look, you've taken care of your family through the worst that life can dish out.  Let me take care of you.

Jennifer: I can't just leave my family.  They may be needy and annoying, and they drive me insane, but I still love them.

Bryant: You can still love them even if you're living under a different roof.

Jennifer: Yeah, but what if we --

Bryant: Shh, shh, shh.  You worry too much.

Jennifer: I don't even know what kind of roommate I'll be.

Bryant: You'll be the best roommate.  You've always been the one who's forgiven me, trusted me, and has never given up on me.  I'm starting a new life, and I want you to be a part of it.  You've done so much for me.  Let me give something back to you.

Tom: Can I talk to you for a second?

Ben: Sure.  Look, Tom, if this is about me going ahead with the proposal in spite of your concerns, I hope you're not worried now that you see how happy Lien is.

Tom: I'm worried, Ben, and you know I have nothing against you.  This is about Lien's injections.

Ben: Hey, don't even worry about that.  It's all done.  No more shots, I promise.  That is the only secret that I will ever keep from her.

Tom: The secret's out.

Ben: What?

Tom: She knows.  I told her everything, which means she accepted your marriage proposal knowing that you're the man who saved her life. 

Carly: How did you get this number?

Craig: C'mon, Carly.  You know if I want something bad enough --

Carly: Enough with the games, Craig.

Craig: You think I'd be playing games while going on trial for attempted murder?

Carly: You'll be playing games when the devil's welcoming you to hell.

Craig: And you and I will have adjoining pits or whatever they have down there.

Carly: That's why they call it hell.

Craig: If I was up to something, why would I call on your cousin's phone and making absolutely sure there is no record of any kind of communication between us?

Carly: If you're expecting my undying gratitude or something --

Craig: We can come to terms on that later.

Carly: What do you want, Craig?

Craig: Now, did I dismiss you when you materialized in the back of my car the other day?

Carly: No, lucky for you, you didn't.  Otherwise, you'd be in jail right now for trying to suffocate your wife.

[Craig sighs]

Craig: It's a beautiful friendship, isn't it?  And since one good turn deserves another --

Carly: What is the news flash, Craig?  That your wife wants me dead?

I've already learned that firsthand.

Craig: Guess who was offered a plea bargain?

Carly: Are you taking it?  You're not taking it.

Craig: We are going to trial.

Carly: If this day could be improved at all, I'd really like to know how.

Craig: Well, we can talk about that later if you insist, but first, we need to get our stories straight here.  One minor slip of that beautiful tongue and --

Carly: Years of humiliation.

Craig: Or decades in prison anyway.

Carly: I hate you.

Craig: Oh, c'mon, it's not that bad.  What's a little shared lie between friends? 

Bryant: These past few months have been one long nightmare.  It's time you and I start living for ourselves.

Jennifer: That wasn't a nightmare.  It was life.  Bad things happen right out of the blue.  It would be so easy to move in with you, Bryant.

Bryant: So let's do it.  Let's move in.

Jennifer: I'd just feel like I'm running away.

Bryant: So you're turning me down?

Jennifer: No.  No, I didn't say that.  Just ask me again later, okay, after the smoke clears.

Bryant: Count on it. 

Ben: You promised me that you would never tell Lien about those injections!

Tom: I had to tell her, Ben.  I had no choice.

Ben: You had no choice?!

Tom: She had the phone in her hand.  She was ready to call John Dixon and ask him to administer the injections.  I had to tell her the truth about everything.  If John had found out that we were using a drug that hadn't been approved by the government, it would have been the end of your career, possibly the end of her treatments --

Ben: How long has she known?

Tom: Since you brought dinner over that night.  I had just told her.

Ben: And when was I supposed to find out about this?

Tom: You weren't supposed to find out.  She promised me she wouldn't breathe a word, but given tonight, I thought you needed to know the facts.

Ben: Oh, yeah, tonight -- you mean given the fact that I've proposed to her, and she said yes?  Maybe that was just out of gratitude?  Since I saved her life, she'd do anything for me, even marry me, huh?  Is that what you're trying to say?

Tom: It's a question I can't answer, Ben, but I think you need to ask that question before you go to the next step.

Lisa: Oh, I just love it when a great catch makes a great catch, don't you, Tom, darling?  So welcome to the family, Ben.  Now, get out there and celebrate!  C'mon, darling. 

[Monitor beeping]

Barbara: Thank you.

Paul: Feeling better?

Barbara: Yes.

Paul: You know, will's dying to see you, and Jen was pretty disappointed when I sent her away, so I was thinking maybe tomorrow --

Barbara: I think they've been doing pretty well under the circumstances.  I talk to will at least twice a day.  And Jennifer --

Paul: Yeah, well, Jennifer thinks that all of this is her fault.

Barbara: That's ridiculous.

Paul: Then call her.  You tell her to come down here, and you tell her to her face-to-face that you love her, and this is not her fault.  That's all she wants to hear.

Barbara: She knows all of that.  I'll see her when I'm feeling better.

Paul: Look, you're willing to face a courtroom full of people, court reporters, the press, and you won't even face your own family?

Barbara: If I go out in the public, I will hide my face somehow, but how do I hide it from my children?  When they want to kiss my face, or look into my eyes --

Paul: Mom, Mom, you were in an explosion.  They're thankful you're alive.

They understand.

Barbara: How can they understand what I don't?

Paul: Because they love you, and they just want to see you.

Barbara: You'll tell them how I'm doing, and then, when I'm feeling better --

Paul: When's that gonna be, hmm?  You can't keep this up forever, Mom.

Barbara: Let me get through this trial first, the next few days to make sure that Craig goes to jail for a long time.

Paul: Mom, they say family visits speed along recovery.

Barbara: You are all the family I need right now, Paul. 

Molly: Give me that phone!  You're making another deal with the devil, aren't you?

Carly: Look, either I deal with him now, or I get caught on the witness stand with my pants down.

Molly: Let's hope you manage to keep your pants on at all appropriate times, especially when dealing with that one.

Carly: Look, it's just a phone call, okay?  We're in a restaurant.  It's full of people.  He's across the room.  What could possibly happen?

Molly: You know better than I do.  Okay, all right.  You know what?  I'm gonna go powder my nose.  Keep it short.

Carly: Do you have any idea how much I despise the idea of making another secret plan with you?

Craig: Stop fighting fate, Carly.  We're inextricably linked.

Carly: Stop it.  I'm losing my appetite as it is.  Now, if you have some idea of how we could stay out of cellblock "c," I'd be happy to hear it.

Craig: Answer questions as briefly as possible.  Don't volunteer any information.

Carly: I can do that.

Craig: Can you lie under oath?

Carly: Like a pro.

Craig: Swear you're not attracted to me?

Carly: Without batting an eye.

Craig: Your heart doesn't skip a beat when I walk into the room?

Carly: I'm too busy looking for the exit.

Craig: And everything that's transpired between us romantically --

Carly: "Romantically"?!  Please!  Would you get a grip?

Craig: Good.  If you can keep all that secret, then we'll be all right.  Now, are you sure that you can convince a jury that you don't desire me?

Carly: Without breaking a sweat.

Craig: What about the kiss?

Carly: What kiss?

Craig: The kiss that left you weak in the knees, that tattooed itself upon your memory, that warms you every time you relive it.

Carly: What kiss?

Craig: Good, good.  If I didn't know better, I'd almost believe you.

Carly: Would you get it through your skull?  I don't want you.  I have never wanted you.  In fact, I've spent the last several months trying to get you out of my life.  You see, I told the whole truth, nothing but, and I didn't use any bad words.

Craig: Oh, you think that's the truth?

Carly: Of course it is.  I've got to go.

Craig: Denial, avoidance -- you ought to see somebody about that.  Before you go, before you hang up, and before you get up in front of a jury, will you get some acting tips maybe?

Carly: Now, what is that supposed to mean?

Craig: Usually you're a more convincing liar, but today, I didn't buy a word.

[Craig chuckles]

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