All My Children Transcript Monday 8/26/13
Aired on OWN on 9/18/13
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Jesse: What the hell? Whatever happened to the hair of the dog that bit you?
Zach: That's the last thing you need.
Jesse: [Sighs] [Gags] Oh! Get the Paris out of France.
Zach: You need to finish that.
Jesse: Mmm. Not gonna happen.
Zach: Losing your job sucks.
Jesse: I know.
Zach: But your wife and your daughter need you right now.
Jesse: I know, I know, I know. I know. I need to track Uri Koslov down. I'm gonna make that abomination pay for what he did to Cassandra.
[Rhythmic knock on door]
Opal: Sweets for my sweet baby boy!
Pete: You are a lifesaver, Mom. Celia will love these.
Opal: Oh, my goodness! You are taking this date she won very seriously, aren't you?
Pete: You know how I feel about her.
Opal: Goodness. Looks like you got a very special night planned, huh?
Pete: Yeah, well, you know, when we were in New York, Celia told me she's never been on a sunset cruise, so you know me, I had Amber book us a sailboat down at the harbor just for two.
Evelyn: Good. You're back. Look what just came for you.
Celia: [Chuckles] What is this? It's from Pete. He bought it for our date tonight.
Evelyn: He's dressing you now? That's a little odd.
Celia: I think it's sweet, and it saves me having to decide between the 14 outfits I picked out for tonight. I just wish I knew who bid on Pete for me.
Evelyn: Come on. Open it, open it, open it. He's gonna be here any minute.
Pete: Okay, Mom, I got to go.
Opal: So, uh, you still, um, planning to go to Jane's after you sail?
Pete: Yeah, I have -- actually, we booked it out for 8:00. Big surprise, too, so...
Opal: Ah. All right. Well, I'll stay behind. I'm right behind you. I'm just gonna wrap up these cookies, so they don't get stale.
Pete: No problem. Just remember to lock up before you go.
Opal: I will do that.
Pete: All right.
Opal: All righty! Bon voyage!
Opal: Uh, the eagle has landed.
Colby: Nice. I'll see you there. When we're finished, their perfect little date's gonna totally stink.
AJ: I mean, my God! Why can't I ever learn?
Miranda: Because you're a good person, and -- and he's your dad. Think he'll try to get clean?
AJ: [Scoffs] Who knows? I'm just over caring at this point, it's not even funny.
Heather: Hey, peeps. Sorry to just pop by. Ooh, looks intense. Is something up?
Miranda: Actually --
AJ: Not at all.
Heather: Great. So, I have a groupon for half off at Plunge.
AJ: The new water park?
Heather: Yeah. But it expires today. Totally forgot I had it. Please tell me you can go.
AJ: Yeah. Duh. I can go. Come on, Miranda, you're coming, right?
Miranda: Actually, uh, I don't know if I'm really in the mood for an aquatic experience today.
AJ: Hey, you want to do me a favor?
Heather: What's up?
AJ: Go into the kitchen and get some water bottles. I'm gonna go upstairs and grab some stuff, and I'll meet you out front, okay?
Heather: Bye, Miranda.
AJ: [Chuckles] So, uh, since when do you not like water parks?
Miranda: I, um, I have to meet Zach at Jane's, and then we're gonna go return some of the stuff I didn't wear to the gala, so...
AJ: Okay. I don't think he'll care.
Miranda: I promised.
AJ: All right. Well, um, you're sure there's nothing wrong? I mean, I don't have to go to Plunge. I can stay here, and we can talk.
Miranda: Um, no, no. You should go. Besides, from what happened yesterday, you could really use some time off. And -- and Zach's a little lonely. I-I think I should spend some time with him.
AJ: Yeah. You should. He's lonely, right? See you later.
Jesse: Listen, thanks for the, uh, Slater sludge and the couch. Really appreciate it.
Zach: Jesse. Take care of yourself.
Jesse: You, too. Lea.
Lea: Is everything okay with Jesse?
Zach: Why do you ask? You feel bad about destroying a man's life?
Lea: Clearly we don't see eye-to-eye on the subject of Jesse.
Zach: Or anything else, for that matter.
Jesse: Oh, I'm sorry, man. I am s -- Hank Skelly.
Hank: [Scoffs] I was gonna say "Chief Hubbard," but now I guess I can just call you Dick, can't I?
Jesse: Watch yourself, Skelly. You're still on the PVPD radar.
Hank: I can steal, shoot up, slice somebody.
Jesse: No. You can't. Yeah. You might be right about me not having a badge anymore, but you know what that means? It means I don't have to play by the rules. Anybody's rules. Pow. You got it?
Dixie: JR? Oh. Wow. You're looking very Goth tonight.
Colby: It's black-and-white night at Club Juice. Cocktails are half off if you do the whole "Ebony or Ivory" thing.
Dixie: Wow. Um, have you seen JR?
Colby: Not since this morning.
Dixie: Okay. Has he seemed different to you since the party?
Colby: Like he grew some balls?
Dixie: No, how he -- he overreacted in a really inappropriate way. That was -- that was not the way to handle things.
Colby: Okay, stop playing therapist. Brooke deserved it. JR's been putting up with her crap long enough.
Dixie: I'm not playing therapist. I'm his mother. I am concerned about him, and you should be, too.
Colby: Oh, speaking of mothers and the lack of them, how's our favorite orphan, Celia Fitzgerald, doing? I saw you huddling with her early this morning. I didn't know you two were tight.
Dixie: Celia has done some work at the Miranda Center. I know her through Brooke.
Colby: Hmm. You two looked really intense. Sure everything's okay?
Dixie: Yeah. Yeah. Couldn't be better.
Colby: 'Cause Celia and I got to know each other pretty well since we put on the gala. She's sweet but completely clueless when it comes to guys. But I guess that's part of her appeal.
Dixie: [Exhales] I just totally forgot. I-I have to meet Opal for dinner tonight. I'm so sorry. Um... Tell JR I'm looking for him if you see him. Would you, please?
Colby: Sure thing.
Dixie: Thank you.
Celia: [Twirls in her new outfit]
Evelyn: [Laughs] You look ador --
Pete: Ready to rock this date?
Celia: Yeah. Anything for charity.
Pete: Well, I'll make sure you get your money's worth.
Celia: [Chuckles] I can't believe you remembered I've never been on a sailboat before.
Pete: Come on. I remember everything you told me that day at the Statue of Liberty.
Evelyn: Yeah, well, you have such a wonderful memory. I hope you'll remember that Celia has a curfew.
Pete: I swear.
Evelyn: Have fun tonight. Here you go, my darling.
Celia: Thank you.
Pete: [Opens window] Just in case we miss curfew.
Angie: I expected you to look worse.
Jesse: I am so sorry. I know I shouldn't have been drinking in the first place.
Angie: Damn straight.
Jesse: It's just, I saw you dancing with Hayward like that, and I just saw blurry red, and I wanted to kill him.
Angie: All right, look, fine, fine. Let's just put that behind us. We need to have all our focus on Cassandra. Making sure that she's okay is all that matters now.
Jesse: You're right, you're right. I know, I know.
Angie: Um, we're gonna have to tell her that you're no longer chief before she finds out from someone else -- and she will.
Jesse: Why don't we... get her home first where she feels safe, settled in, and then we'll tell her then, okay?
Cassandra: You made it.
Cassandra: I was afraid you couldn't leave work.
Jesse: Ah. [Chuckles] Listen, let's go do that paperwork and get you home.
Cassandra: I can't think of any other place I'd rather be.
Jesse: Excellent. Come on. Let's go.
Zach: Who knew that buying stuff and returning stuff is just as much fun. Love it.
Miranda: Thanks, by the way.
Zach: [Sighs] And who knew that sunglasses come in so many different colors.
Miranda: [Laughs] You know, I've been looking for a pair like those forever.
Zach: Well, there you go. You deserve something for looking at apartments with me, so you're welcome.
Miranda: You know, I'm really happy you're thinking about sticking around. You must have missed Pine Valley while you were away.
Zach: I missed what it was, you know, when Kendall and the boys were here. It was the most special place in the world.
Miranda: I wish you guys were still together.
Zach: Yeah. Me, too. Doesn't always work out that way.
Miranda: Well, you certainly can't be sticking around for the memories. That'd be torture.
Miranda: You sure there's not another reason, like maybe your bodyguard, Lea?
Zach: Oh, stop it.
Zach: The only female I'm sticking around for is you, especially with your mom not here.
Miranda: You know, she keeps saying this is only temporary, but I'm starting to wonder.
Zach: Don't wonder. She's coming. In the meantime, you're gonna have to spend some time with me. Deal?
Miranda: [Chuckles] Deal.
Heather: [Laughs] Hey, guys!
AJ: Oh, hey.
Miranda: How was Plunge?
AJ: It was awesome, actually. You totally should have come. Is that our bus?
Heather: Oh, quick. Run. Bye, guys.
AJ: Let's go. See you.
Zach: So, I guess you didn't talk to him.
Miranda: No, I-I didn't. I was going to, and, um, he was already kissing her.
Zach: Sorry to hear that.
Miranda: It's just -- it's just weird with me living there. They're, like, in my face all the time.
Zach: That can't be easy.
Miranda: Hey, remember that loft we looked at? The one with two bedrooms?
Miranda: If you decide to take it, do you think maybe I can come and crash every now and then?
Zach: [Inhales sharply] [Exhales] You cook?
Miranda: I make delicious cupcakes.
Zach: You like hockey?
Miranda: Huge, huge Red Wings fan.
Zach: Well, then, you're in. Welcome, roomie.
[They shake hands]
Colby: You look like Catwoman.
Opal: Yeah, well, I thought we were working under the radar, you know, not picking up Johns on West 7th Street.
Colby: [Chuckles] Just because we have a job doesn't mean I can't look hot.
Opal: Yeah. Hot to trot.
Colby: Whatever. Did you bring the Dramamine?
Opal: Yes, of course, I did. There you go. I pray the girl lacks sea legs. That'll put a damper on the cruise.
Colby: But a little bit of engine damage would have guaranteed it.
Opal: I want to kill the date, not my son, no matter how much that girl gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Colby: Hardcore. I like it.
Opal: Yeah, well, if by that you mean that I'm throwing my hat in the ring with you, then I guess you're right.
Colby: Well, Pete and I are a better match.
Opal: For a no-strings, casual fling, maybe.
Colby: So, if Pete decides to get serious with me, does that mean I'm next on your list to sabotage?
Opal: Oh, honey, there's no chance of that. My Petey has grown up a lot since the days when you hung the moon.
Colby: [Sighs] Don't get cocky, Opal. With Celia out of the picture, Pete might remember his first love, and I'll be waiting for him whether you like it or not.
Colby: Shall we?
Cassandra: I didn't ever think I'd see this place again.
Angie: You are home, baby girl. And you're safe with us.
Jesse: And we're gonna keep you that way. That is a promise.
Cassandra: I'm gonna go lie down.
Angie: You want me to come with you? Get you settled?
Cassandra: No. If it's okay, I'd just like to be by myself.
Jesse: Hey. It's a lot for her to process. You know, it has nothing to do with you. I'm sure she just doesn't want us hovering like parents.
Angie: Even now in our own home, I still don't want her out of my sight.
Jesse: That's why we are gonna keep her safe, right?
Angie: You said you were gonna tell her about your job when we got home.
Jesse: I will. But I think it's best if we let her rest for a little while. And you know what else? It hit me that I should have had those stupid locks changed before we brought her home. I'm gonna do that right now.
Angie: You need to do it this minute?
Jesse: Hey, the hardware store is right around the corner. I'll be right back.
Jane: Okay. Everything is set just like you wanted. Hit the switch for the lights over there. The music is set with this. Food's behind the counter. You sure you don't want bibs? Might get messy.
Pete: Definitely not.
Jane: Okay. I'm gonna leave to let you enjoy the evening. Just, um, make sure you lock up before you leave.
Pete: Absolutely. You are the best, Jane. Thank you.
Jane: [Chuckles] Have a wonderful time. Okay. Have fun.
Pete: [Closes door]
Celia: Your friend in New York has the best taste in clothing.
Pete: And I have the best taste in women.
Pete: You are one beautiful lady. Emphasis on the word "lady." Just wait. [Turns on the lights]
Celia: [Gasps] Oh! Oh, my gosh. You are amazing.
Pete: A beautiful, star-filled sky.
Pete: A romantic candlelit table.
Celia: Oh, my gosh.
Pete: Now all we need is a little music.
[Italian music playing]
Pete: [Italian accent] Tonight is the night.
Pete: It's a beautiful night, and they call it bella notte.
Celia: Oh, my gosh. You did not. Oh, you did. Oh, you remembered. The most romantic movie scene of all time.
Pete: [Normal voice] I remember everything we've ever talked about.
Pete: Especially all your favorite things.
Celia: [Gasps] Oh. Please tell me we get to use forks.
Pete: [Sighs] Just one.
Celia: [Chuckles] [Clears throat]
Pete: [Feeds Celia spaghetti]
Miranda: Hey, uh -- um... Uh, sorry.
[AJ & Heather smooching on the couch]
Heather: Oh! Ah, ooh, no, it's okay. Um, Evelyn is gonna totally rage if I miss curfew again. Skype later?
Heather: Okay. Bye, Miranda.
Miranda: Well... that was...
Miranda: I take it you and Heather had a good time.
AJ: Yep. She's, uh, awesome. How was Zach?
Miranda: It was good. We, uh, we looked at lofts. Think I might move in with him when one opens up.
AJ: Cool. Wait. Wait. What? You can't be serious.
Miranda: Zach doesn't want to be alone.
AJ: We're still gonna hang out all the time, right?
Miranda: Of course.
[Slow music playing]
Celia: Thank you so much. This is [Scoffs] the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.
Pete: I'm just glad your favorite movie wasn't "Titanic."
Singer: She's got to hold on tonight
Colby: Do you see them?
Opal: Yeah. Yeah, they're dancing closer than two polecats circling a hen.
Colby: Let's do it.
Opal: Easy. Easy. I don't want that thing going off on us.
Colby: Wait till Celia gets a load of this. All hell's gonna break loose.
Opal: Yeah, yeah, gently.
Colby: Okay. I got it.
[Slow music playing]
Celia: [Chuckles] Are you tickling my foot?
Pete: No, I'm not.
Colby: This is so good.
Opal: Yes. Well, Operation Odorama -- complete. Come on. Let's get out of here.
Celia: Oh, my God! I cannot believe I just got sprayed by a skunk!
Pete: It's not... that bad.
Celia: Seriously? You're turning green.
Pete: It's fine if I don't breathe through my nose.
Celia: Well, what are we gonna do? [Sighs]
Colby: Did you hear Celia scream? It was even better than I thought it would be.
Opal: They heard her in Oklahoma.
Opal: Stop it. Stop.
Opal: Come on.
Jesse: There we go. That should do it. Not taking any chances. Uri is still out there.
Angie: You think he'll still come after Cassandra?
Jesse: I don't know, but I don't want her to worry about it, and if he does, bring it. I got something for him.
Angie: Jesse, you can't stand guard 24/7. I mean, you'd have to work --
Jesse: Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that I lost my job, okay?
Cassandra: What? Why? What happened?
Jesse: It's not -- it's not a big deal.
Cassandra: You losing your job is a very big deal. What happened?
Jesse: Uri blackmailed me into framing Zach.
Cassandra: Oh, God. If I didn't get in that car with that guy at the airport like a clueless idiot, none of this would have happened, and Uri would have never been able to hurt me and hurt you and... I was just so stupid!
Jesse: No, Cassandra, stop it! Stop it. I did what I did to bring you home, because I love you, and I would do everything I did all over again. You understand? Nothing -- do you hear me? Nothing is more important to me than this family. You understand that?
Cassandra: [Sighs] You love being chief of police. I've heard you say it a million times.
Jesse: Well, guess what? I love you a whole lot more.
Cassandra: What are you gonna do now?
Jesse: [Chuckles] I don't know. Something will come up. I mean, apparently I make a pretty good locksmith. [Chuckles] Come here.
Angie: And the most important thing is that we're all together now, and we're going to get through this together.
Jesse: Yeah. Promise.
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