All My Children Transcript Tuesday 3/1/11
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Provided by Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele
[Music plays at ConFusion]
Erica: Why don't we talk tomorrow?
Caleb: All right. Call me.
[When Jack walks up to Erica, she turns and leaves]
Colby: [Records a video on her laptop] I thought that we were in love. And then he cheated on me. It wasn't like it was with some random sorority girl. That would've just been pathetic. Some drunken skank -- I could deal with that. But no. He slept with my mother. Good old mommy, Pine Valley's D.A. Makes me feel really good knowing she's the one putting all the bad guys away. Can't arrest him, can't trust her. Love sucks. It really and utterly sucks.
Asher: Hey, Colby.
Colby: Oh -- oh. No, no, I didn't mean to do that!
Asher: Do what?
Colby: I posted the video!
Asher: Posted --
Colby: For everyone to see!
Tad: Right on time. Come on in.
Cara: Did you hear from Immigration? Is that why you said this was important?
Tad: Go, go, go. Hope you don't mind.
Cara: Ooh! Sorry. Am I interrupting?
Tad: No. As a matter of fact, this is for you. I figured as your fiancé, what the hell. The least I could do is throw you a first date.
Amanda: I wish that there was something that I could say, but nothing I say can change the fact that I turned Cara in to Immigration.
Jake: There really is nothing to say, right?
Amanda: I'll tell her. I'll find Cara. I will admit what I did. I will explain --
Jake: Why don't you just leave it alone already, ok? Just leave it alone.
Amanda: I want to apologize, step up, take responsibility. I can explain why --
Jake: By telling Cara that you're the one that reported her? What is that gonna prove? I understand what you're trying to do, but I just think you're gonna make things worse. Ok?
Amanda: There must be something that I can do.
Jake: Yeah. You can play along like we all are gonna do, like the wedding is a real deal and that Cara and Tad are in love. Ok? And that's it. Got it?
Amanda: I won't mess it up. I promise. But what about us? How do I fix that?
Cara: Nothing like a first date a few days before we get married.
Tad: Nothing like it. So you know what? I figured this is more sort of a working dinner, kind of a get to know your partner. It's like orientation, which reminds me. I got an idea. Back me up on this one, would you?
Tad: And smile.
Tad: Hideous. Heh heh heh!
Cara: It's great.
Tad: Somebody call 911. It's for the photo album.
Cara: The album?
Tad: Yeah. I'm putting one together for Trumbull. I figure we'll show it to him, and that way he'll know that we're just a couple of lovesick fools who just can't wait to tie the knot.
Cara: Around our necks?
Tad: Humor is good. It is very good. Do me a favor. You hang on to that, ok, because we're gonna need it. It's actually why I set this thing up. I figured, I don't know, I try to lighten the mood a little bit before we dive right in, do the "who'd you," "where'd you," "what'd you," "when'd you." Don't make the face, ok?
Cara: I'm sorry. I hate talking about myself.
Tad: Honey, I'm sorry. You got to get used to it, because as your husband, I need to know a lot more than -- that you make a mean tamale and that you pissed off a drug lord.
Cara: [Pops the cork on the champagne] There.
Tad: Huh. My masculinity is intact. Thank you.
Cara: I can change a tire, too.
Tad: See that? I knew you were a keeper. Here's to you. Actually, no. I got a better one. Here's to getting engaged, getting to know one another, and getting hitched, in that order.
Cara: I feel like I'm asking a lot from you.
Tad: Do us both a favor. Just click and drink.
Tad: Actually, no. I tell you what. Um, I'll start.
Cara: All right.
Tad: This is the part where I tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly. So do me a favor. Why don't you have a seat, because I'm sure this isn't gonna be pretty.
Caleb: Opal? Off to church?
Opal: Thank you for joining me, Caleb.
Caleb: You said it was urgent.
Opal: Mm-hmm. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am more than a trendsetting style maker in this town. There is a head on these shoulders that knows its way around numbers, bottom lines, and profit margins and such.
Caleb: I've never doubted that you're a very smart woman.
Opal: Smart businesswoman. The Glamorama was an institution ahead of its time, way ahead of its time. And the Chicken Shack? Palmer and me -- we took a single recipe, and we turned that into fried-poultry gold, and a lot of that had to do with yours truly, if I do say so myself. And when Palmer was down with his ticker trouble, I was the one that went into that boardroom and protected Cortlandt Electronics against a hostile takeover by none other than Chandler Enterprises. Yeah, it's proven. I have got the goods. And so as much as I love looking after my grandbabies and all the other babies in this burg, I need more. I need the thrill of the deal, the ka-ching of success, the idea of building something in the honor of my Palmer. I want my hand in that legacy. And so, Mr. Cooney Cortlandt, you can count your lucky stars right now, because you have got yourself a new partner: Moi.
Jack: So I was just talking with Opal, and she told me something very interesting. She tells me that you plan to quit Cortlandt. May I just tell you I think that is a fantastic decision for us. After all, Caleb can certainly handle running the business now without you holding his hand.
Erica: I didn't quit.
Jack: Excuse me?
Erica: I know it seemed like a good idea at the time, but the truth is I realize, Jack, it is just way too soon for me to walk away. I have never been involved in any kind of business like Cortlandt Electronics, and the truth is I find it fascinating. I learn something new every day.
Jack: So you're learning something new from every experience there, huh? What did you learn from kissing Caleb on New Year's Eve?
Erica: Opal told you?
Jack: She was a font of information.
Erica: The only reason that I didn't tell you myself, Jack, is because it didn't mean anything.
Jack: It means something to me. It means you're keeping another secret from me, the man you love, the man you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with.
Erica: I do love you. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Jack: This is not going to work, not like this. Erica, do you not see that we're in trouble and that we have been for a while and that it is not getting any better?
Erica: Caleb kissing me -- it wasn't a secret. It's just that I was in such a vulnerable place. I was worried sick about Kendall, about her grief, and about her health. And Caleb had just found out that Kendall was the one who really shot David, and he promised that he would never tell anyone. I was so relieved. I was so grateful. And it was New Year's Eve, and it just happened.
Jack: Just happened? We promised each other that this time we would do this differently, that there would be no secrets, that we would not keep anything from each other. But over the past few months you've constantly made the choice to withhold things from me, to insert people like Caleb between us. If you keep doing that, what chance are we ever gonna have?
Erica: We have every chance, Jack. Please understand. It was just the one time, and it will never happen again because you are the only man I love, Jack. You're the only man I love.
Jack: You keep coming up with reasons that Caleb needs you, that Cortlandt needs you, but here's the thing. From where I'm sitting, it looks like you are trying to hold on to Caleb.
Erica: I am not.
Jack: Excuse me. I need to talk to Krystal for a minute. No, it's all right.
Colby: Tell me that you got to it in time, right? You got it?
Asher: Yeah. Done.
Colby: Great. So nobody's gonna see it, right? Nobody?
Asher: There were a few hits.
Colby: Oh, my God.
Asher: No, it was only a few hits. Chances are that anyone that you know saw it are practically less than zero. So you're good.
Colby: Thank you. Thanks.
Asher: You're welcome. Colby, you don't have to be embarrassed.
Colby: Of course, I'm embarrassed. I'm video smack-talking my mom and Damon! What am I thinking?
Asher: You were pissed off. You had to get it out.
Colby: Yeah, I know, but not the Internet. That would've made things so much worse, not that anything can get any better right now.
Asher: Look, I wasn't trying to hurt you by keeping the secret in. I didn't know what to do with it. But I chose wrong. I should've told you.
Colby: You can stop wasting your time on me.
Jake: I get it that it was very difficult for you when Cara came back to town, and I'm sorry about that, but I've tried to do everything I can. I've tried to show you in every way possible that you are my girl and that I love you, but it's just never enough, I guess.
Amanda: No, it is, Jake. It is, I swear, and I get it now. I get it. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I will be the best sister-in-law to Cara ever. Tad knows.
Jake: Tad knows what?
Amanda: I told him that I reported Cara, and he took it better than you did, but he won't tell anyone.
Jake: I have another patient to see before I get off, so --
Amanda: Well, I can wait.
Jake: It's all right. I'll see you at home.
Jake: All right.
Amanda: I love you.
Jake: Love you, too.
Tad: I cut up chocolate bars and put them on my breakfast cereal. And don't even think about trying to get me to dance. I -- hobbies. Pinball. I love pool. I never scratch. I never tilt. I never cheat. I was once so crazy about a woman, I proposed to her in a chicken suit.
Tad: You may want to take notes. Which leads us to I've actually fallen out of a plane and lived to tell about it, obviously, because that would be a whole different story. I've also fallen in and out of love more than once and lived to tell about that, too, I guess -- which leads us to my marriages. You sure you don't want a pen or something?
Cara: I got it.
Tad: It's Dottie once, Hillary once, Brooke once, Krystal once, and Dixie three times.
Cara: Wow. And Dixie was three times? So you were either, what, a glutton or were you really in love?
Tad: A little of both. Actually, a lot of both. Dixie -- she was one of a kind.
Tad: Yeah. She passed away. She is Kathy's mother. She was the love of my life.
Cara: I'm sorry.
Tad: Don't be. I'm not. Actually, I still talk to her, if you want to know the truth, especially at night. And we had a star -- that's ridiculous. I'm not going to go into that. It sounds really, really weird.
Cara: Just because someone's not around, it doesn't mean you stop loving them.
Tad: I guess. I think for most women, if their intended told them they've been married so many times, they would've taken off for the hills.
Cara: Considering none of them was my sibling, it pretty much evens out the baggage. So -- yeah. Why don't you tell me about your children.
Tad: Gladly. There is Jamie, Damon, Kathy, Jenny, and J.R. I raised him, so as far as I'm concerned, he's mine. I think the most concise thing I could tell you about me is that I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot, but my children are definitely the better part of my soul. And there's not a day goes by that I don't thank God for them. As far as this place is concerned, it's drafty, it's old, but we love it. There aren't too many rules, except for one, which I think you should carve in stone, which is when it comes to the man cave, better to knock first, because you never know what's going on in there. Tag. You're it.
Cara: Whew! Um -- we should wait for the second date for that.
Tad: I don't think we can afford to, because Agent Trumbull won't.
Cara: I'm not comfortable putting myself out there.
Tad: How the hell do you think I feel? You're on the firing line, ok? Come on -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not that I'm saying that there's anything remotely ugly about you, but I think I deserve to know everything about you as your future husband.
Cara: You know the basics -- childhood leukemia, lots of time in hospitals, at home, always the kid looking out the window wishing I were on the other side.
Tad: And you certainly made that happen.
Cara: Doctors Without Borders.
Cara: I met Jake, fell in love. We got married, and you know how that ended.
Cara: And now I'm marrying you.
Cara: I don't know what else you want to know.
Tad: Come on. Ok. I tell you what. What makes you laugh? What makes you angry? What do you love? What do you hate? What are you afraid of? When you look into the future, what do you see? I got to ask. So far, the only thing I know about you from this conversation is that you drink when you're put on the spot. And I'm gonna need to know a heck of a lot more if I'm gonna be able to sell this marriage.
Cara: It's just me, you know? What you see is what you get.
Tad: Cara Castillo or Carolyn Finn? But this -- it's not about me being nosy. It's about me trying to protect you. Truly, it's about life or death.
Cara: Ok. Where to start?
Tad: Ok. What about romantic history? I told you about mine. That's something a husband should know about.
Cara: Ok. Yeah. Um -- second grade.
Tad: Second grade?
Cara: Yeah. Carlos Padilla. Um, uh, we were on the same ward in Children's Hospital, and he used to give me his pudding.
Tad: The dog! The oldest trick in the book.
Cara: I liked it.
Tad: And? After Carlos Padilla?
Cara: After Carlos --
Tad: Who else?
Cara: You know.
Tad: Jake? The love of your life? Um -- boy, this one's really gonna suck. It's just that I have to ask because Trumbull knows that you and Jake were married, so maybe I should know the details -- within reason.
Cara: I can't do this right now.
Tad: Ok, let's go back to Carlos and the pudding.
Jake: Whoa! Hello! Good-bye. Here you go. Here's your mail.
Jake: What's all this?
Tad: A first date.
Jake: It doesn't look like it's going very well.
Tad: It didn't. I tried to get her to open up. All I got was Carlos.
Jake: Who's that?
Tad: Padilla, the second grade, the pudding pusher.
Jake: I'm sorry. I don't know anything about that.
Tad: Jake, neither do I. That's the problem. This isn't working. I need help. If she's not gonna answer questions, then you have to. I need to know about her. Please, explain it to me. Why did I fall in love with your ex-wife?
Colby: This is a guy-free zone. It's a guy-free zone. I'm gonna start focusing on my education and my future and my job.
Asher: It's Damon. Do you want me to delete it?
Colby: No, no. Don't, don't.
Opal: Then I'm gonna follow you around the office like a shadow, a sponge absorbing your every thought. And before you know it, I am gonna be ready to pick up the slack.
Caleb: What slack are you gonna be picking up?
Opal: Erica's, of course, now that she's quit. Oh. Oh, I hope you don't mind that she told me before she broke the news to you, but we are besties. I suppose it's a little hard for you to hear, I understand, but it really is for the best, now that Erica is planning her wedding and settling in to her future with Jackson. Ahem. She really has more important things to do -- no offense.
Caleb: So you're running interference?
Opal: You bet your sweet patootie I am, because you have been tackling my gal pal every chance you get.
Erica: You are very busy. Your restaurant alone is a full-time job, and to make time to help Jack?
Krystal: I enjoy the law.
Erica: You enjoy Jack, too.
Krystal: Yes, I do.
Erica: You certainly do pop up everywhere. I mean, what was so urgent? Some notes? Phone calls? And yet you drove all the way over here. My goodness, I'm gonna make sure that Jack gives you a bonus.
Krystal: Erica, we're against the clock. And when Jack needs me, the only place I'm gonna be is right by his side. And lately these days, he's alone.
Erica: You trying to imply something about me?
Krystal: Oh. No. Please, no. I know how busy you are with Caleb.
Erica: With Cortlandt Electronics. And as I said, you are very busy -- barkeep, secretary, friend, faithful as a dog.
Erica: If it barks like a dog -- look, the thing is you have gone through all the men in Pine Valley you possibly can, and now I can see you have this sad little fantasy that maybe someday if you work really hard, you will be Mrs. Jackson Montgomery. You really need to give that up, because that is not gonna happen.
Krystal: My "run" through the men of Pine Valley isn't nearly as impressive as yours. Of course, you've had a head start. And you still have your track shoes on.
Erica: Jack and I are very happy.
Krystal: Oh. So you're just chasing Caleb all over town for the exercise?
Erica: Caleb and I run a multimillion-dollar company together. That is hardly the same relationship as you chasing Jack all over to deliver a brief or a message or whatever the heck you hope to deliver.
Krystal: I'm just doing my job.
Erica: No, you are desperate. And I understand, believe me. I feel for you. I'm sure the whole town feels sorry for you. To see Tad marry a lovely younger woman, a doctor? It can't be easy.
Krystal: I'm happy for Tad. And I would love to be just as happy for Jackson. But that man doesn't genuinely smile when he talks about you these days.
Erica: Maybe he doesn't smile because he's with you. Jack and I love each other very much, and I'm gonna be in his life, making sure that he grins from ear to ear.
Jack: Everything all right here?
Krystal: Yes. I'm gonna get those papers off to Judge Harris.
Jack: Ok. Thank you for everything. What did you say to her?
Erica: What did I say to her? Oh, Jack. You need to fire that woman immediately.
Asher: What about the whole thing about the guy-free zone? What? That applies to everyone but Damon, the guy who -- do you need to watch that video again? You know what? I'm out of here.
Colby: "Don't ever e-mail me. Don't ever text me. Don't ever call me. We're done. Have a good life." I'm done with guys because I'm done getting my heart broken.
Jake: I remember when I met Cara. She really was good with a needle. She stuck me twice, thought it was hysterical. I guess I thought it was funny.
Tad: Yeah, to sign up for something like Doctors Without Borders, you got to be a certain type of person.
Jake: She was fearless, took a lot of risks, and I guess I understand it better now because, well, knowing that she was sick as a child.
Tad: She just wanted to live.
Jake: I remember this one time -- it was Christmas, actually -- and we can hear the gunfire, the whole thing. And we get to talking, and she wanted to have a Christmas tree. So she takes a scalpel, and she runs outside to cut down this horrible little bush, and she basically risks her life to do this, right? So she gets the ugly thing, she brings it inside, and it turned out to be the best Christmas I ever had.
Tad: [Laughs] I won't tell Mom.
Jake: It's hard to explain how you come to rely on a person in a place like that.
Tad: It sounds perfect. Huh.
Jake: "Perfect"? Perfectly stubborn. Great with her patients. She treated every single one of them like she was their sister or their mother or their aunt. She'd sing, too. She'd sing in the shower, in the operating room, in the car. Just out of nowhere, boom, in your ear. Like, slamming like a frying pan a Mariah Carey song or a Britney song -- ugh.
Tad: That bad?
Jake: You're like, "Agh, agh, agh." These noises would come out of her mouth, but she's tone deaf. She doesn't know that she's tone deaf, but she's tone deaf. And it was like gurgles coming out like -- not human, these sounds.
Tad: [Laughs] And you loved every second of it, didn't you?
Amanda: Hey. I was hoping you'd be here. Can we talk for a sec?
Amanda: I just wanted to say that I'm glad that Tad's marrying you. You're gonna be safe. And if there's anything I can do or anything you need --
Cara: Why you being so nice to me?
Amanda: I was hoping we could start over. Maybe spend some time together, get to know each other?
Cara: Yeah, even Tad wants to do that, too. So do Ruth and Joe from clear down in Florida. Everyone's asking questions, wanting to be friends.
Amanda: It's just because everyone's wanting to make you feel welcome.
Cara: All it's making me want to do is go someplace where the only questions are, "Can you help, Dr. Finn? Is our baby gonna be all right?"
Amanda: You're not serious. You wouldn't just take off?
Cara: And what if I did? What if I slipped out the right way? I could disappear into my old life and do what I love more than anything in this world.
Amanda: You can't. You can't leave.
Cara: Why not?
Amanda: Because the authorities might track you down and send you back to Mexico. You could be killed.
Cara: I've done it before, ok? I'll be fine.
Amanda: I get that you are under a ton of pressure, but it's not a prison sentence. Being a part of this family, it's a gift -- and trust me, I know. I came from the craziest place you can imagine. And when I married Jake, when they embraced me, it was incredible to be that surrounded by protection and love. Obviously, it's different. Jake and I were madly in love, and you and Tad -- ok. I'm probably not helping right now.
Cara: No, you're helping.
Amanda: Wow. That was a first.
Cara: Thank you.
Amanda: I really do want to help you. I really do want you to be safe.
Jake: I actually remember the exact moment I wanted to marry Cara.
Tad: You're kidding?
Jake: No. We'd been up all night, surgery, and I was just exhausted, and I started a fight. I -- I don't even remember what the fight was about, but -- it takes a lot to get her mad, ok, but when you do, you better duck.
Tad: Ok. I'll make sure I keep that in mind.
Jake: She went off on me like a -- no, thank you -- like an atom bomb. She called me every name in the book. I was an ass, though. I knew I was wrong. I felt stupid. I deserved it. I got that. I felt terrible, so I wanted to fix it, right? So I used the -- do you remember when Mom and Dad used to get into fights, and he would have the bad-joke technique?
Tad: Oh, God, you didn't?
Jake: No, I did. I used one of his best -- one of his worst, and it was, "Why does an elephant keep his trunk in the front and not in the back?"
Jake: Because he doesn't want to stick peanuts up his own -- hello! Hello! So she just --
Tad: [Laughs] Did she hit you?
Jake: No, no, no. She laughed, and that was the thing. She laughed her face off. She thought it was hysterical. She laughed, and she was hiccupping. And so she's laughing and hiccupping. She's adorable when she's got that big, stupid laugh. And I realized at that moment she had forgiven me for my jackass-ness, and I just knew that I could love this girl forever. So now you know. Whew.
Tad: Yeah, I guess I do. I think I got it.
Jake: Yeah. I know. Amanda told me about ratting out Cara.
Tad: Jake, before you say anything, look, it wasn't my place to say.
Jake: Why wouldn't you? Who were you trying to protect, exactly? Amanda?
Tad: Maybe, and maybe you. How are you two --
Jake: I'm fine. Everything's fine. I'm trying to make it fine. I'm trying to make it ok.
Tad: Listen, as much as you may hate what she did, ok, you got to understand that Amanda loves you more than anything. She's afraid to lose you.
Jake: I'm not putting all this on you. Everybody's got to take responsibility for what they do, right? I'm trying to keep a grip on things.
Tad: It's a lot to handle for both of you.
Jake: No, Cara is back in town. It just brings up a lot of memories. But the one thing I know is that I love my wife, and my ex-wife is all yours.
Jack: Krystal is a friend, and she is a very valuable asset to my practice. So why would I fire her?
Erica: I had no idea how desperate that woman was to get her nasty little claws into you.
Jack: How did you get the idea that you can dictate with whom I work?
Erica: Maybe the same way you got the idea that you could tell me I should stop working with Caleb.
Jack: You know what? This is not about Caleb, and it's not about Krystal. It's about you and me. Here we are, engaged to be married, and it seems to me we are as far apart as two people could possibly be.
Amanda: I'm really so glad that you called. I talked to Cara. I didn't come clean. I just told her how amazing Tad is and how much we all want to help them, help her make this work. I really meant it, Jake. I really meant it, and I really want to try and make this right.
Jake: We're all doing that. We're all trying to make it work, you know?
Cara: I'm sorry I went running out.
Tad: Yeah. It was the breakfast cereal thing, wasn't it? No, seriously, it scares them off every time.
Cara: No. You're trying to help, and I appreciate you.
Tad: Come on.
Cara: Thank you. Whew!
Tad: So, that being said, is our date still on?
Cara: Si. All right. You ready for the deal?
Cara: I like my coffee black. I like jalapeños on everything. I love to sing, and let me tell you, I am a damn fine singer. Is this mine?
Tad: So I've heard.
Cara: Ok. I'm ready to answer any questions that you have for me. I will bore you senseless with my life story. But I'm thinking a couple more of these, and I will bust out a song or two if you're lucky.
Colby: No. No, no, no. No.
Asher: You saw it, too.
Colby: So did about half the country! The video about my mom and Damon -- it went viral! No, no, no!
Erica: Look, I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to convince you that I'm with you. I don't want Caleb. I want you. I love you. Jack, you have to trust that. You have to trust me.
Jack: I'm not sure I can anymore.
Tad: For you. For you. For pleasure.
Cara: Oh, my God. Honestly, though, I am a sucker for flowers. Did you know this?
Tad: Well, I do now.
Cara: I'm thinking we need to get this whole photo op thing going on before the flowers wilt, the candles burn out. Let's do it.
Tad: Right. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. So, yeah. If I'm lucky, get some more of those cutesy couple photographs before the evening's through.
Cara: Ok. We should make this look convincing.
Tad: You gonna feed me the flower?
Cara: Kiss. That'll work.
[Jake and Amanda walk in as Cara and Tad are kissing]
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