All My Children Transcript Tuesday 3/3/09
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Provided by Laurie R.
Proofread by Suzanne
Tad: What the hell is this?
Tad: Yes, yes -- "It's datermater.com, the one-stop love shop, filling voids and discriminating hearts for over six months."
Jake: What are you doing?
Tad: What do you mean, what am I doing? What are you doing?
Jake: Oh, I was doing some research.
Tad: Yeah, research, huh? Like a scientific experiment? Is that why you added two inches to your height?
Jake: I did not. Would you shut that off, please?
Tad: This is awesome.
Tad: Hey, hey, they're paging you. Ah, the love shop, for Dr. Martin.
Jake: Shut it off, Tad, or die!
Tad: Paging Dr. Martin.
Jake: Shut it off -- you know what? Don't shut it off. I don't care what you do. You want to humiliate me? Go ahead, humiliate me.
Tad: Ah, the hell you don't. Hey!
Tad: You got a match!
Jake: Give me that.
Tad: No, no, no.
Jake: I'm serious. Give that to me. Give it to me, give it to me. Give it to me, give it to me.
Tad: This could be the woman of your dreams paging you.
Jake: Stop it!
Tad: Even as we speak.
Brot: Hey, good morning, beautiful.
Taylor: Morning, beautiful.
Pete: I don't mean to be blunt, but you don't look so good.
Amanda: Thanks, Pete.
Pete: Do you need some help with that?
Amanda: Notice the wheels?
Pete: No -- I mean, you're a complete Goddess, but even Goddesses come down with the flu. I could maybe call your doctor?
Pete: Is that funny?
Amanda: I've got one too many doctors in my face. It's a long story. I'm not sick. I'm homeless. Never lease your yacht to people who actually might sail away in it.
Pete: But the Chandlers?
Amanda: They gave me the boot last night.
Pete: I know how that boot feels.
Adam: You having a little pity party with the office boy, are you?
Pete: If office boy had super powers, I'd swoop in here --
Adam: Make yourself scarce or I will have you for breakfast. All right, I'll take care of the Erica situation. You can tend with your mess.
J.R.: Can I talk to you downstairs?
Adam: Where's Erica?
Erica: Pete, can you fix my desktop, please? Uh, yes, yes. Well, you know, I will look into this, and then I'll get back to you by the end of the day. Exactly.
Adam: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Erica: Hey, hey, hey -- what are you doing? Adam.
Adam: I don't care if it's King Tut calling from his sarcophagus. You have been lying to me about my investment.
Erica: Adam, I told you that is not true.
Adam: No, no, lies, all of them. No, the money's gone. I know that you've robbed me blind. And no one gets away with that, Erica. Not even you.
David: All right, my beautiful bride-to-be, time to rise and shine.
Krystal: Get away from me.
David: What's the matter?
Krystal: Your hands are like ice. Where were you, the mausoleum?
David: Well, I'm sorry to inform you this, but the entire house is in deep freeze. The power is out in the whole neighborhood.
Krystal: Well, when's it coming back?
David: I couldn't get an answer. They said families with infants and children are first on the list.
Krystal: Oh, I guess Jenny doesn't count, huh?
David: Jenny counts. You hear me? She's going to be with us someday. That little girl is going to be a huge part of our lives.
Krystal: Not if Tad has anything to say about it.
David: Well, little by little, he'll come around.
Krystal: I don't think so.
David: I know so. So why don't we focus on one miracle at a time, shall we?
Krystal: Yeah, like getting married in a house with heat and light?
David: Ok, well, let me see what I can do. Come here. Oh, is that warmer?
Krystal: Getting there.
David: So, what do you say we have a beautiful wedding with a roaring fire, dozens of candles, hmm?
David: That would be incredibly romantic.
Krystal: Yeah, incredibly romantic, and me in a couple of sweaters and a big fat coat. I'll look like a tugboat instead of a bride.
David: Oh, boy, you are a tough customer.
Krystal: I used to be. Not so much anymore.
David: Yeah, well, now you can let your guard down, knowing I got your back.
Krystal: Hmm. Is that why I feel like I'm turning into somebody else?
David: Hey, you are not turning into anyone else. You know exactly who you are. Don't ever say that. If it weren't for you, I'd be a very lonely man right now, and I'd be completely lost.
Krystal: But you're not?
David: No, I'm not. Because I've finally found my soul mate. I found her one beautiful night a very long time ago. And like a fool, I let her slip away for a lifetime.
Krystal: Well, I was just a young, naive girl that suddenly became a mother.
David: Hmm. Yeah. Our golden girl, huh? I can feel her right now.
Krystal: Can you really?
David: Yeah, I can. She's happy for us, Krystal. I'm sure of it. She wants you to be happy, too. Can you see her smile, hmm? Can you feel her light? Hey, be happy, Krystal. Be happy. This is finally our time.
Amanda: I gave all David's money back, and I couldn't go through with the job. I -- I didn't want to help you wreck your life because I --
J.R.: Because you figured I'd do that on my own, right?
J.R., Please listen to me. That's not what I'm saying. I really, really -- Will you just give this a rest, ok? We've been through this.
Amanda: And then what?
J.R.: Then we make peace.
Amanda: You'd do that?
J.R.: Yes. But on my own terms.
Erica: Adam, Fusion is still a very sound investment.
Adam: I need my money now, Erica.
Erica: Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you intentionally brought our Bella fragrance down. Don't forget, if it weren't for me, you would be in the federal penitentiary. Doing what you did, poisoning consumer products -- that is a criminal act. So, if you're destitute, I could still arrange to get you a cell.
Adam: More threats, eh? Um, go ahead. I dare you.
Erica: Well, maybe your friend Reese will visit you in jail, but don't depend on that because she's not very loyal.
Adam: You don't know anything about my relationship with Reese.
Erica: Well, I know that you do nothing from kindness, so obviously, you're using her as much as she's using you.
Adam: Oh, this from the consummate user.
Erica: Well, then there's always Amanda, isn't there? You'll continue to feed and clothe her until the baby is born.
Adam: Amanda is out as of last night.
Erica: Really? That's a very interesting choice.
Adam: Well, what are you waiting for? Call the FBI. Call the CIA. Have justice served. Incarcerate me.
Erica: Believe me, Adam, I would love to --
[Erica hangs up phone]
Erica: But I'm not finished with you yet.
Amanda: What is all this?
J.R.: It's a standard legal agreement. Nothing complicated. Just give it a sign, hmm?
Amanda: Oh, J.R., I didn't sleep all night. I couldn't read a menu. You're going to have to break it down for me.
J.R.: It makes provisions for the baby.
Amanda: Provisions, like what, child support?
J.R.: Support and primary custody.
Amanda: Primary custody for you or for me?
J.R.: I want to raise this baby on my own.
Tad: I don't know. If it was my choice, I'd choose Poochie.
Jake: What you don't seem to understand is that Pamela and her dog, Poochie, are a team. They come as a set.
Tad: No, I understand. I got that part. You know, what I'm saying is maybe that's not such a bad deal. Look at him, he's adorable. It says he's loyal, he's energetic.
Tad: Housebroken -- that's more than I can say for you. It's a pit bull mix, you know, it's interesting.
Jake: And also, Poochie's probably the only male creature that she's loved in a very long time. It doesn't say a lot for Pamela's potential.
Tad: You really are bitter, you know that? Maybe she's just a challenge.
Jake: Yeah, maybe she's a dog. Maybe she's a dog. Maybe she's got three heads on her. Why would a person put a picture of a dog instead of her own picture?
Tad: Oh, I don't know. Maybe she's shy, you know. Maybe she's got a little character.
Jake: You sound like you understand this woman. Maybe you should date her.
Tad: Oh, no, no, no, no, you're not going to turn this around.
Jake: You're single.
Tad: It doesn't matter. You know what? She can walk in here and be God's gift to mankind, and it wouldn't matter. She'd take one look at you in your squalor and go bolting out of here like a sprinter.
Jake: A man's got to eat. I will clean it up.
Tad: No, no, no, it's not a question of eating.
Kathy: I can't find my plastic man! I can't find my plastic man.
Tad: Honey, it's ok, it's ok. We'll find your plastic man after breakfast.
Kathy: I need him now!
Tad: Why do you need him now?
Kathy: I need him, I need him!
Tad: All right, fine. Remember the rule -- no whining before breakfast, all right? I'll look for plastic man, and Uncle Jake is going to fix your breakfast.
Jake: Yeah, I'll fix it. I'm going to fix breakfast. Come on, let's go. Let's go eat. Come on, let's go.
Kathy: Are we getting a dog?
Kathy: Are we getting a puppy?
Kathy: Please, Daddy, can we?
Tad: We'll talk about it later.
Jake: We're going to eat breakfast is what we're going to do. That's what we're going to do right now.
Kathy: I want to get a puppy today.
Tad: Ah, it's -- it's ok, baby. It's all right. Your Uncle Jake will be right up.
Jake: No, your Uncle Jake is not going to be right up. I'm fixing breakfast.
Tad: I'll fix breakfast. You go on up, ok?
Jake: She's not used to me picking her up yet.
Tad: Oh, you know what? It's never going to get better with that kind of attitude.
Kathy: Say we can get the puppy. Please, Daddy.
Tad: I -- we'll talk about it later, ok, honey? We'll talk about it later.
Tad: Coming! Perfect. I found your plastic man, baby. Here you go.
Jake: That's good. Uh, all right, so what -- what should I make? How -- how's oatmeal?
Kathy: That's a silly name for a dog.
Jake: Ok, I guess I won't make oatmeal. I'll make -- what should I do? What should I make?
Tad: You should get on the phone. Dial 1-800-Mary Poppins.
Jake: All right, let's eat. Let's eat some breakfast. Let's go. Let's go.
Brot: Here we go. Breakfast, breakfast, breakfast!
Taylor: I know what it is. Can I look now?
Brot: No, no, you have to guess.
Taylor: Bagels, right?
Brot: No. All right, go ahead -- look.
Taylor: The American special -- Brot and Taylor style.
Brot: That's right. Saltines with jam.
Taylor: Wait, wait, wait -- you found raspberry.
Brot: It was definitely a lot easier than Baghdad, for sure.
Taylor: And take-out coffee.
Brot: Well, that wasn't hard either because there was a coffee shop right across the street, which makes it a lot easier. Trust me.
Taylor: But this is our special breakfast exactly. See, this is why I love you.
Brot: Ah, you're so easy to please.
Brot: No wonder why you never gave up on me after I kept pushing you away.
Taylor: Because I'm not easy to get rid of. That's why.
Brot: You're telling me. You'd been more than patient.
Taylor: I'm stubborn as a mule. You know it. And I did my fair share of pushing back.
Brot: And look where it got us.
Taylor: It got us back where we are at our best. And we still are.
Adam: Not another cent will you get from me.
Erica: I don't need your money, Adam. Money, money, money -- is that all you think about?
Adam: Well, it comes in handy if you're trying to run a business.
Erica: Without a strategy, you just run aground.
Adam: Oh, this strategy you keep talking about -- that's something that you're doing on your lonesome? I mean, Amanda and Pete and maybe the little porn girl -- I've forgotten her name -- can't wait.
Erica: Well, actually -- see, you've just put your finger on the problem. What I need is someone as bright and talented as I am, shoulder-to-shoulder, side-by-side.
Adam: You're not suggesting --
Erica: Yes, I am. Come on. You haven't lost your swagger, have you, Adam? I've never known the brave Adam Chandler to shrink from a dare.
J.R.: The baby will want for nothing. He'll have the best schools, a loving older brother, a warm extended family, Tad and his kids.
Amanda: So just sign him away?
J.R.: You'll have liberal visitations. Look, it's a win-win situation for you. We could put everything in our past and put this child first.
Amanda: To be raised by you and your father.
J.R.: By me. Maybe you need some time to think about this.
Amanda: I know what I think. Go to hell.
David: All right, so this is where we'll say our vows, right in front of the fireplace, while you look luminescent as my bride.
Krystal: It just -- it just seems so bare.
David: What else do you want?
Krystal: Babe, Jenny, Little A.
David: Babe will always be with us. The rest, we'll work on.
Krystal: I just -- I guess I just sort of feel a little bit off-kilter, you know? It's freezing cold. This empty house.
David: It's not empty. We live here. Dr. Hayward and the love of his life.
Krystal: Am I really?
David: How could you even doubt that?
Krystal: I don't know. I guess I just probably need a little warm milk.
David: You need to stir up your courage? Is that it?
Krystal: No, I'm -- I'm not scared.
David: All right. Look, why don't you go see your daughter, ok? We don't want Tad getting all bent out of shape because you're late.
Krystal: You're right. You're right.
Krystal: You're always right.
David: Hurry back to me, ok? Hi, it's Hayward. Did you follow my instructions? So Amanda's yacht sailed off without her? Great job.
Amanda: You throw me out so I'm homeless and then go in for the kill?
J.R.: No one is being killed here, Amanda. Don't get hysterical.
Amanda: I am not hysterical. I'm furious! You are just like your father. You are a power freak and control freak.
J.R.: Oh, my -- you know, I could say a few things about your family.
Amanda: I am not my mother. I am not insane.
J.R.: Well, you're acting pretty crazy right now.
Amanda: I can raise this baby by myself. I don't need your help!
Adam: So you're admitting you can't run this ship without me?
Erica: No, not at all. I am merely offering you the opportunity to step in on a temporary basis and help save this company.
Adam: Yes, these turn-around things that you're talking about -- are they on paper or just in your head? Ah. Mm-hmm, that's -- that's nice. Yes. Oh. Not bad.
Erica: Ah, good, I knew it. I knew you were going to like this. Oh, Adam, there is so much more.
Adam: Uh-huh. Oh, staff cuts. Good, that's good.
Erica: Well, it's regrettable but necessary. I haven't exactly decided on who I'm going to cut yet.
Amanda: You son of a bitch! You think I'm a total moron or just a spineless wimp?
J.R.: No, you're a single mother who I simply think is not equipped to take care of a kid.
Amanda: Oh, you have got some incredible nerve. You know that? I am going to fix my mess of a life for this baby. To hell with you. I don't need you!
Erica: Amanda, Amanda, what is going on here? This is a place of business, Amanda, not a place for personal knockdown-drag-outs.
Adam: Yeah, Erica has made some staff cuts -- trimming the fat, so to speak. And you're a clear first choice for downsizing.
Erica: Adam, staff cuts are strictly my choice alone.
Amanda: Don't bother firing me. I quit.
Erica: No, Amanda, I haven't made any decisions pertaining to you.
Amanda: Well, now you don't have to.
Jake: Ginger? Let me get a Bloody Mary this morning.
Ginger: You want an omelet with that?
Jake: No thanks, Mom.
Ginger: You bring out the nurturer in me.
Jake: Mmm. Well, maybe later, then. About the omelet.
Ginger: I just made an idiot of myself.
Jake: No, no, I liked it. I liked it.
Ginger: Hmm, it's ok. I know you blow off one woman every time you come in here.
Jake: What? That can't be true.
David: Just the man I was hoping to see.
Jake: Listen, I am not working. I am not on call. So just -- just try to leave me alone, all right?
David: I'm celebrating. Join me, please. Champagne for everyone, on me.
Ginger: Ok. Here's your Mary.
Jake: Thank you. What, did you win the mad scientist of the year award or something?
David: No, actually, I'm getting hitched today.
Jake: Hmm, well, hopefully, Krystal will come to her senses before it goes down.
David: Thank you for your warm thoughts. I was going to ask you to stand up for me.
Jake: Well, I'll stand up for you with the rest of the pall bearers on your funeral when you get killed by a lightning bolt.
David: Hmm, nice. Sweetheart, you look terrible. Did the Chandlers throw you to the curb already?
Amanda: I don't need the Chandlers any more than I need you. I don't have a job, a home, or a bank account, and I feel better than I have in forever because you can't get to me.
David: Ah, really, really? Didn't I tell you that you have to be careful about these pregnancy hormones? I mean, at first, it's all smiles and sunshine until you wake up one day alone with a screaming baby in a one-room dive over a gas station somewhere.
Jake: Shut up, Dave.
David: No, no, no, wait a minute. I'm just giving her a dose of reality. You're certainly not going to do it.
Amanda: Reality? You want reality, David? Here it is. You hired me to make an end run on J.R.'s little boy. I dropped the ball in the middle of the field. Your game's over. You lost.
David: No, no, darling, my game's not over. Now yours and J.R.'s, on the other hand, well, kaput.
Amanda: That doesn't matter to me as much as it did, ok? Because I can take care of this baby and myself. I always could.
Amanda: You won't get your child.
David: My child? Babe is gone, Amanda. What child of mine are we talking about? So what child of mine am I not going to get?
Amanda: Little Adam.
David: Little Adam is my grandson, not my child.
Amanda: You misunderstood.
David: No, no, I heard you quite clearly. You were specifically referring to this child --
Amanda: You consider him yours. That's all I meant.
Jake: All righty, ok. Enough insulting the pregnant woman, don't you think? Hey, let's go. Here.
Amanda: I blew myself out of the water. Basically just announced that this baby's David's.
Jake: No, no, I thought you covered nicely.
Amanda: You think?
Jake: I do. And don't worry. You got me and Frankie at the hospital also to, you know, take care of all the records.
Amanda: All my big talk. "I don't need anybody." So, now, it's back to square one. Start from scratch. Good thing the Pine Cone takes plastic.
Jake: I don't think the Pine Cone is any place for you.
Amanda: Well, it's my only option at the moment.
Jake: No, it's not. No, it's not.
Amanda: Well, oh, where are we going?
Jake: We're not going to the Pine Cone. That's where we're not going.
Amanda: Ok, well, "Not the Pine Cone" better be cheap.
Jake: Ginger, put that on my tab.
Ginger: You got it.
David: To Amanda's unborn child.
Tad: Listen, honey, I -- I owe you an apology. Jenny had a really bad night. She's up there. She's out cold. But, you know, you look really nice. We don't you come on in? I can make us some lunch. We can hang out, you know, until she's conscious again.
Krystal: I can't, I can't.
Tad: Why? You got a meeting or something?
Krystal: Or something, yeah. I'm getting married.
Tad: To David?
Krystal: Yes. Who else?
Krystal: Because I love David and he loves me.
Tad: Why now?
Krystal: Why not?
Tad: He get you pregnant? You two out there trying to come up with another Babe?
Adam: Erica had every right to fire Amanda.
Erica: I didn't fire her. She fired herself.
Adam: Well, why do you care? She -- she tried to ruin you.
J.R.: She brought me back from the edge.
Adam: No. Hayward paid her to push you over the edge.
Erica: Is that true?
J.R.: She gave the money back. She stopped me from drinking.
Adam: For how long?
Erica: Why did she run out of here so furious?
J.R.: I asked her to sign over custody of the baby.
Adam: You really think that Amanda would hand over your baby for free?
J.R.: Amanda's not going to hand over the baby at all.
Adam: Are you really that naive? Ah. Oh.
Erica: Adam, what have you done?
Krystal: You can never replace one child with another. How dare you suggest that I could re-create Babe?
Tad: I'm just trying to figure this out.
Krystal: What is there to figure? I love David the way I never was in love with you.
Tad: Define "love." Go on, give it a shot. Or should I? I mean, does your heart pound? Does your pulse race? Do you get that knot in your stomach? You know, you feel like if you don't see him soon, you're just going to die? What's the difference between that and a junkie who's desperate for a next fix?
Krystal: If you don't know, I feel sorry for you.
Tad: What are you doing? More debris? Like we need more debris?
Amanda: That's my debris.
Jake: Ok, mouth?
Tad: Ok, what?
Kathy: Daddy, Daddy!
Tad: Hey, sugar.
Kathy: Ms. Cohen says some dogs can learn to use the potty. If we find one like that, can we get it?
Tad: No, honey, we're still trying to train your uncle.
Amanda: Oh, you know, now looks like a bad time.
Tad: Honey, there's no such thing as a good time. It's like this 24/7, believe me.
Amanda: The last thing you need is me.
Jake: No, stop. We have a room for you. It's going to be good, and we were just talking about that we could use a woman's touch around here. Weren't we saying that?
Tad: Yeah, as a matter -- in fact, we were.
Jake: That's right.
Tad: Amanda, I'll tell you what. You're more than welcome, if you can take it.
Amanda: I'm pretty sure I would love it here. Do you want me to check on Jenny?
Jake: Oh, yes, please.
Tad: Would you?
Kathy: Do you like dogs?
Amanda: I love dogs. You want to come with me to check on Jenny?
Amanda: Come on, Kathy.
Jake: Them checking on Jenny -- that's good. What?
Tad: What was this about?
Jake: The prince of darkness, David Hayward. You're not going to believe what he did this time.
David: Sweetheart, there's something I'd like you to do for me. You remember my attorney, Jay Stark. Jay drafted up a prenup for us to sign. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just standard stuff.
Krystal: What's "standard stuff"?
David: Nothing crazy, just protecting my heirs, in case we divorce.
Krystal: Little A needs protection against me?
David: Of course not.
Krystal: Do you have any other heirs that I don't know about?
David: Well, not now, but anything is possible.
Krystal: What's that supposed to mean?
David: Well, come on, Krystal. I didn't even know that I had a daughter until Babe was 20 years old. And we could still have a child if we wanted to, right?
Krystal: I -- I better -- I better read this thing.
David: You know, I understand your desire to do that, but there really isn't a lot of time. The minister's on his way right now, and I don't think we want to postpone this, do we?
[Krystal exhales sharply then signs the papers]
Erica: Thanks, Petey. Ok.
Adam: Oh, um.
Erica: Hmm, yeah, oh, Adam, I'm sorry. I know this is the hardest thing in the world to hear, but you can't manage J.R.'s life. Unfortunately, you can't lock up grown children and stop them from making mistakes. Believe me. I've tried and tried and tried. It only makes matters worse.
Adam: So -- so what do I do?
Erica: You do what you do best. Turn red ink into black.
Tad: Hey, I was wondering how you felt about a late lunch.
Taylor: Wow. Normally, I really like a late lunch, but I actually had a late breakfast.
Tad: Yeah, I sort of see that.
Taylor: Come on in.
Tad: Oh, thanks. Um, clearly, my timing sucks, so, uh --
Brot: No, not -- not at all. It's good to see you. Have a seat.
Tad: Uh -- no, I don't think so. You know what? I'll definitely take a rain check on that one, and definitely, I'll -- I'll call next time, ok? So you guys just, you know, au revoir.
Brot: Well, see you soon.
Tad: Ok, bye.
Adam: Oh, yeah. Very, very solid work here.
Erica: So, do I have a partner?
Adam: Yeah. Um --
Taylor: So we've got the rest of the day. What should we do with it?
Brot: I was thinking undercover ops.
Taylor: Sounds serious.
Brot: Damn straight, it does.
Taylor: Don't we kind of need music for this?
Brot: Shh, shh, shh. Don't you hear it?
Taylor: Now I think I do.
Minister: The union of husband and wife, in heart, body, and mind, is intended by God for their mutual joy. For the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity. And when it is God's will, for the procreation of children, and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. The lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul.
Krystal: All my life, I stumbled through my life with half a heart and half a soul. I didn't know anything was missing, until I opened myself up to you.
Jake: We need another A.
Krystal's voice: I never knew I could want anyone as much as I want you. I never knew I could need anybody as much as I need you.
David: We lost a lifetime together, Krystal. We lost our beautiful, loving daughter. But I promise you, the days of losing are over. This is our time in the sun. We deserve to be more than happy. We deserve to be golden. And we will be. I, David, take you, Krystal, to be my lawfully wedded wife.
Krystal: I, Krystal, take you, David, to be my lawfully wedded husband.
[J.R. inhales sharply]
J.R.: Give me another bottle.
Jake: You all right?
Amanda: I'm spotting.
Minister: I now pronounce you husband and wife.
David: Now you're mine.
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