AMC Transcript Wednesday 9/17/08

All My Children Transcript Wednesday 9/17/08

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Episode #9960
Written by Charles Pratt, Jr. with
Addie Walsh, Amanda L. Beall, Daran Little, Tracey Thomson, & Jeff Beldner

Provided by Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Erica: Ok, just be calm and rational.

Kendall: This is me being rational. This is actually me being smart and proactive. I need you to get next to Adam Chandler.

Erica: Close to the cobra so he can sink his fangs into me?

Kendall: Oh, you would never let that happen.

Erica: Did Adam somehow put you up to this? Because he's in one of his delusional cycles where he swears we belong together. He proposed to me again.

Kendall: That's great. That is the best possible news.

Adam: Are you sure your science kit concoction is ready?

Pete: It's a chemical additive to instigate various allergic symptoms such as general dermatitis. And it has a name -- "Blast."

Adam: Good, bring it to me.

Pete: Now?

Adam: Yes, yes, now, damn it. I'm going to get "Blast" into that perfume. Fusion is going down.

Amanda: I can't believe we pulled this off.

Babe: I know. I'm so nervous. I mean, it's actually here, right before us. I can't believe it.

Amanda: Well, don't be nervous. Be excited. It's going to be great.

Babe: I am very, very excited. I mean, look, it's got the name on the side of the box.

Amanda: So, do you think I should whack it on the back on the truck for good luck?

Babe: Well, the perfume is coming in, not going out. We'll save it for the going out part.

Amanda: Well, of course Kendall and Greenlee aren't here for our big delivery.

Babe: Well, it's not their baby, it's ours. We're the ones who care about it, so it's our job to protect it.

Amanda: From who? From what?

Babe: Whoever, whatever. Whoa, whoa, whoa -- please, please, be careful. Thank you. Thank you. [Amanda laughs]

Babe: Yeah.

Carmen: Whew! You have to shine. Yes, you must. And you sparkle. Do you hear me? Yes. It's good to be you. You are so lucky. We are all so lucky.

Adam: It's an inanimate object.

Carmen: Shh! You'll hurt its feelings.

Adam: It doesn't have feelings, you know? No, never mind. You, uh, seem unusually demented today. Is there a reason?

Carmen: It's my birthday. Isn't that wonderful? Do you have something to say?

Adam: Yeah, congratulations. You're one year closer to the grave.

Carmen: You will not make me mad, crabmaster. It is a special occasion and I have a boyfriend -- one with a job, who doesn't live with his mother. It is going to be my best birthday ever.

Greenlee: Silver.

Jack: Yeah.

Greenlee: Nice. Gold. That sapphire's fabulous.

Jack: Sapphire is her birthstone. She's like a kid about her birthday. It's really great.

[Greenlee laughs]

Jack: What?

Greenlee: Diamonds?

Jack: Yeah -- well, ok, I know diamonds are a little serious, but she's never been given a diamond, and I think a woman that fabulous should have diamonds.

Greenlee: You're nervous.

Jack: Yeah.

Greenlee: The man who's given La Kane gazillion blocks of ice. But suddenly you're "Mr. Can-you-help-me-pick-a-gift"?

Jack: Well, not just that. It was also an excuse to see you.

Greenlee: See me to talk about your new girlfriend.

Jack: No, she's not a girl.

Greenlee: Really?

Jack: I think she's considerably more than a friend. She's, uh --

Greenlee: What? What? Lay it on me, Papa.

Jack: She's great, you know? She's so much fun. And she's -- she's completely open to happiness.

Greenlee: You mean she doesn't make you sweat for every smile?

Jack: Greenlee, this is not about Erica.

Greenlee: You said Erica. I didn't say Erica.

Jack: I enjoy every minute I spend with Carmen, I really do.

Greenlee: You know the one that you don't want to talk about?

Jack: Greenlee, I don't want to talk about Erica.

Greenlee: You smile more now than you did with her. And that's a really big deal.

Erica: Kendall, you astound me. That you would wish Adam Chandler on me in any way.

Kendall: Well, it's not the worst thing possible.

Erica: The worst thing possible. The man is vile. He's repulsive. He's vindictive.

Kendall: Mommy, I know, I know. Can you please seduce him?

Erica: Seduce? Seduce that man? In heaven's name, why? I mean, do you hate me that much?

Kendall: Oh, Mom, come on. Of course not. I love you. You are the quintessential strong woman who always finds a way to make things happen.

Erica: That's true. But why on earth would I ever want anything to happen with Adam Chandler?

Kendall: Well, not sex. I mean, not unless you want to.

Erica: You know something? Being friends with Greenlee has finally, finally turned you mad.

Kendall: Just -- just cozy up to him. Make him let you into his confidence. Mom, he's trying to take over Fusion.

Erica: Honey, Adam Chandler owns an empire, complete with tankards and printing and oil. For heaven's sakes, I don't even know what all he has. Why would he ever be interested in a cosmetics company?

Kendall: Because he's a businessman, and we make a lot of money. Have you seen our profit margin?

Erica: Honey, I think you're seeing danger where none exists. Cosmetics? That is not Adam's field of interest.

Kendall: When I came to Pine Valley, all I did was screw up. The first time and the second time. Fusion is the one thing that I've actually done right, aside from Spike and Ian.

Erica: And your marriage.

Kendall: Fusion is precious to me. And not even Adam Chandler will take it away.

Adam: Damn it, hurry up.

Carmen: I'm dusting as fast as I can, but it takes time to make the inner beauty shine.

Adam: Yeah, well, I paid for the outer beauty. All the rest is a waste.

Carmen: You haven't said it yet, you know.

Adam: Said what?

Carmen: You know what.

Adam: Oh, that's for your boyfriend to do. If indeed he is your boyfriend, and if he's just not in your head.

Carmen: Oh, don't play that way. You were there when you dragged Erica to my date with Jackie. He kissed me with such passion and fire and romance. Oh, that man makes me melt.

Adam: Another declaration like that, I might be ill. And yet I do have, uh, plans for today myself.

Carmen: For me?

Adam: Oh, no, no. I'm not quite as easily impressed as Jackson is, but let me give you a clue. Curb the eagerness for the gift, and then perhaps your beau won't know what a gold digger you are.

Carmen: You think everyone's as greedy as you. Not true. It's the thought. Jackie cares about me and my birthday. So we won't hide how happy we are. We will shine and smile, won't we? Oh, I can't wait to find out what Jackie has planned.

Jack and Greenlee: This one.

Jack: Really?

Greenlee: Really. You don't think she wants something bigger?

Jack: Well, no -- see, because I think -- she has this great smile, and I'm thinking that bigger would compete with her smile and this would complement her smile, so I'm thinking this.

[Greenlee laughs]

Jack: What?

Greenlee: You've got it bad. Congratulations.

Jack: Thanks. You know, I really did want an excuse to talk to you, you know.

Greenlee: We're related, you don't need an excuse.

Jack: Yeah, well, I'm concerned about you.

Greenlee: I'm a happily-married newlywed.

Jack: Who's thoroughly embroiled in her ex-husband's marital drama. Thank you.

Greenlee: Oh, that.

Jack: Yeah, that.

Greenlee: Annie lost the baby.

Jack: I heard. I'm sorry for their loss. You know, it brought back memories of everything you went through.

Greenlee: Yeah, you think you're past it and then it all comes rushing back. For months, you're filled with happiness, and then that happiness is gone. And you just feel empty inside.

Jack: Empty. Yeah. That's how you looked in that hospital bed. Empty and lost.

Greenlee: But Kendall brought me back.

Jack: I'm certainly glad she did. Don't you go anywhere again, you hear me?

Greenlee: Mm-hmm, I've got a lot to stick around for.

Amanda: Yes, and make sure you put in the line about how fresh, exciting, and lively it is. Yeah, yeah, that part. Ok, thanks a lot. Bye.

Babe: Ok, all right. You have to smell this.

Amanda: I have. Like 10,000 times.

Babe: It gets better every time. All right, tell me. Have you worn it for Jake yet?

Amanda: Oh, now, there's an idea. "Bella" and nothing but. Sounds dangerous.

Babe: In the best way possible.

Amanda: You know, Kendall and Greenlee should be kissing our behinds.

Babe: Fusion isn't just about them. And they're about to get a big wake-up call about that.

Colby: You're here, and not in jail, and there won't be a trial. And everyone knows that you had nothing to do with how Richie Novak died. How great is this?

Dré: Yeah, it's pretty good.

Colby: You have your freedom and a future, and your dad's not out of the Senate race.

Dré: No, hey, you're right -- it's great. I don't know, it would just be better if Cass were here.

Colby: Did you get the last set of her pics from Paris? Totally stunning.

Colby: Oh, she is gorgeous. Doesn't have a bad angle.

Colby: Uh, I meant that crazy escalator at the Pompidou Center. But, yeah, she's -- she's gorgeous. But you guys are in touch, right? So that's good.

Dré: It just sucks. I mean, she's not here hanging out with you and me. She's at the Pompidou Center.

Pete: Part of the design team for the Center was this married couple, the Rogers. Love made them more creative.

Colby: Uh, see, every time you try to do the geek version of "Hey, baby," it's just embarrassing.

Pete: I wasn't hitting on you, or --

Dré: Yeah, you were. And, yeah, it was embarrassing. Why don't you go find a geekette at the PVU Engineering Department?

Pete: Why would I want to do that? Opposites attract.

Colby: So I should get all hot and flustered and ask you to make me your woman?

Pete: Do you want to be my woman?

Colby: Do I need a restraining order?

Pete: I'm here to see Adam.

Colby: That's convincing. Really? You two are buds now?

Pete: Don't be jealous.

Colby: Ok, advice columns say to be direct but with kindness, so here goes. I'm not remotely into you. Ok, thanks, bye.

[Pete sets a small bottle on the foyer table]

Colby: Wait -- you're going with your dad to Philadelphia?

Dré: Yeah, wherever the campaign takes him. I mean, he's still in this race, and if I can help him get that seat in the Senate, I'm going to try like hell.

Colby: But you were so worried you killed his career.

Dré: Ugh, easy on the "K" word.

Colby: No joke.

Dré: Well, even without the race, he wants to spend some time, just me and him. Reconnect.

Colby: Do I say "yay," "cool," or "poor you"? Because with some parents, it could go either way.

Dré: It's good.

Colby: Then yay. But you don't look "yay."

Dré: No, I mean, no charges against me. That's great.

Colby: Yeah.

Dré: It's just, Cass is gone.

Colby: Visit her. I mean, every text and e-mail is about how much she misses you. Not to get all mushy, but you know I'll miss you, right?

Dré: You know, you're the best part of Pine Valley, so I won't be gone too long.

Pete: Wow, touching. Yeah, this is one of those moments.

Colby: What are you doing here?

Pete: You are insanely transparent, you know? Can't you see? She's making a move on you because Cass is gone.

Dré: Pete, shut up. You sound like an idiot, man.

Pete: I have powers of deductive reasoning.

Colby: Hey, nut-bag, take your powers and get off my property before I call security.

Dré: Or worse, she calls her dad.

Pete: Oh, leave, so you two can hook up? Hell no, I won't go. Hell no, I won't go. Hell no, I won't go.

Carmen: Oh -- ow, ow, ow, ow! Paper cut -- I'm in pain. I'm suffering, and you would just walk away? Ow.

Adam: Yes, I would.

Carmen: Blood! There is blood, and I'm going to faint opening up my birthday card.

Adam: Will you get a grip on yourself? Here, come on, it's -- here, here, here. Wait a minute, here. Here. It's just a paper cut. How did you ever survive in prison?

Carmen: Ow! Now it stings. Blow. Blow!

Adam: What?

Carmen: Blow, blow to get the sting out.

Adam: Oh, Winifred never acted like this. As a matter of fact, Winifred never had a birthday.

Colby: He was spying on me, Daddy, spying. Where is security? Can stalkers just barge in and talk like crazy?

Adam: Ask Carmen. She thinks housekeepers can talk to lamps and vases and --

Carmen: It was supposed to be a wonderful day.

Pete: I had an invitation to be here. Tell her.

Adam: Since when does everyone think I take orders?

Pete: What -- holy -- why is that open? What did you do?

Adam: She had a paper cut.

Dré: Pretty upset about a paper cut.

Adam: What? Spit it out.

Pete: Blast, C-man. The lady seems to be in pain.

Colby: What?

Adam: Damn it. I ought to throttle you.

Colby: She didn't get a cut on purpose.

Dré: Do you need a bandage or something?

Carmen: Dios mio --

[Carmen faints]

Colby: Oh!

Erica: Think -- why would Adam want Fusion, honestly?

Kendall: Maybe because it's hugely profitable.

Erica: Adam took Enchantment away from me at one point, but that's only because he couldn't have me.

Kendall: So this is about you?

Erica: Well, think about it. I'm the one who got away from Adam repeatedly. So he lets you know he's interested in Fusion, knowing that you would come to me, and I would have to intervene.

Kendall: No, he didn't, Mom. Babe figured it out, and she told me.

Erica: Will you listen to yourself? "Babe figured it out" -- bingo. Of course, Adam clearly orchestrated this information being passed along. Now it makes perfect sense.

Kendall: Well, maybe it is all about you, but it's still my company on the line. So are you going to help me or not?

Erica: You've come to the right place if you want to beat Adam Chandler at his own game. You bet I'll help you. You leave the snake to me.

Opal: Room service.

Erica: Opal, I thought that Yazmine was bringing the dresses herself.

Opal: Yeah, well, I bumped into her in the elevator, and we swapped dirt. Do you know that the woman has a new man 20 years younger? When is it going to be my turn? Anyway, she says to give her a call when you've made your selection.

Erica: Well, too pink, too bright. Uh -- oh, great neckline. I like this hem.

Opal: Oh, yowza!

Erica: That one would look great on you, Opal.

Opal: Yeah, well, Palmer would have a heyday with it -- not that I mind.

Erica: Opal, you really do need to move on.

Opal: Not when you have found the one -- your heart.

Erica: This would hide most of Carmen's flaws.

Opal: Carmen? You're buying a dress for Carmen?

Erica: Well, now, it's not so attractive to be so possessive. Today is Carmen's birthday.

Opal: What -- so you are going to buy a dress so that she can go out on the town with your heart, Jackson? Wait a minute. What is wrong with this picture?

Erica: Well, why are you so suspicious?

Opal: Because I know you, honeybunch. I know that when a friend goes after your man, you're not going to let her get away with it, and you're sure as heck not going to buy her a couture dress.

Erica: Well, all right, you know something? You happen to be right. Carmen betrayed me. And after all I did for her. I got her out of prison! I tried to give her some confidence and how dare she go and sleep with my husband?

Opal: Ex-husband.

Erica: She says she's a friend of mine? Ha! Some friend. She's nothing but a garden variety two-faced phony. Oh, Superstar! Is it all right with you if I sleep with your husband? And no matter what I said, she should've known you never go there. She should have never gone there.

Opal: Yeah, that's right. So what gives with the birthday present?

Erica: I'm using her, ok? That's all you need to know.

Opal: What? You're going to buy her two dresses? Why don't you use me a little? I could do with a new ensemble.

Erica: Oh, no, Opal. This one is definitely for me.

Opal: Oh, for you and, um, which poor, unsuspecting male?

Colby: What did you do to her?

Adam: Me?

Pete: It's my fault. Uh, this isn't peroxide. It's something my mom sent to clean the bad vibes off Adam's aura.

Adam: Uh, can you and your friend, um --

Dré: With this woman unconscious? Sorry, man, I'm not going to screw up again.

Adam: There would be a sizable donation in it for your father.

Dré: How about I call 911?

Pete and Adam: No!

Colby: Do it.

Carmen: Did I blow out all the candles? Oh, you look worried, sweetheart. Don't be. Everything's fine.

Adam: You hear that? She's fine. She's fine. Would you -- would you mind, uh, you and your friend --

Colby: Are you sure you're going to be ok?

Carmen: Perfect, yes, wonderful.

Adam: Yeah, you heard the woman --

Dré: Well, my dad's at his hotel.

Adam: I thought you were a genius. You left that bottle sitting on the front table.

Pete: I had things to deal with.

Adam: Yeah, like, uh -- like, stalking my daughter?

Pete: Wooing her. It's called wooing, at least it used to be. I lived up to my end of the deal.

Adam: Yeah, by killing my housekeeper?

Pete: It's racing. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Adam: Stop it. Stop it!

Carmen: Don't you just love birthdays? And ice cream cake? Oh, with the little crunchies in between.

Adam: It short-circuited her brain!

Pete: I didn't expect this.

Adam: You compromised this whole situation. Better you not be associated with any of it.

Pete: Yeah, I'll -- I'll just --

Carmen: Ugh, is it hot or is it just me?

Adam: Um, it's -- what are you doing?

Carmen: It's so hot for September.

Adam: No, no buttons -- no, no buttons! I order you.

Carmen: No buttons?

Adam: No, no -- no buttons. Just -- just stay right here and don't do anything. Damn it, Pete.

Babe: Oh, come in, come in.

Amanda: We popped the good stuff.

Kendall: Because?

Babe: "Bella," the amazing new fragrance.

Amanda: About to set pre-order records.

Babe: So let's have a toast.

Kendall: Uh, yeah, why? That's very professional, by the way -- drinking at work. Very professional.

Amanda: Since when are we professional?

Babe: What she means is, we've celebrated before.

Greenlee: And we should celebrate now.

Kendall: Fine, ok. Go ahead. Pop a cork. Do it up. The stuff isn't even on the shelves yet.

Amanda: What -- the orders are huge. What -- we should cry into our decaf instead? Whatever, Kendall.

Babe: Look, she doesn't mean it.

Amanda: Except she does.

Babe: You're right.

Amanda: You know what? Too bad for her "Bella" is going to fly off the shelves. And then she will have to kiss my wildly successful butt.

Greenlee: That was cheerful and supportive of you.

Kendall: Look, I've done more for this company today than anybody else. You don't see me popping any corks.

Greenlee: What did you do?

Kendall: I got a major fly-swatter to smack the crap out of a bug. And please get those shipping costs in. Thank you. Say it.

Greenlee: Say what?

Kendall: Whatever it is you're thinking about my hair or my makeup. Just -- just say it.

Greenlee: I -- I wasn't --

Kendall: No, you know what? You know what? I'm a mom, ok? My hair gets poofy and frizzed out sometimes. Things happen, ok? Get off my back. And while you're at it, you can stop with the whole "Greenlee good witch, Kendall bad bitch witch" routine in front of the hired help.

Greenlee: Um, I -- I was just going to say, you know, our days as step-siblings are definitely over.

Kendall: What?

Greenlee: My dad is buying jewelry for his new lover.

Kendall: That's what you were going to say.

Greenlee: Yeah. What did you think?

Jack: Hey.

Opal: Jackson.

Jack: How are you?

Opal: Oh, you poor thing. You're here just to be close to her, aren't you?

Jack: I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about.

Opal: Erica? Her suite is here, you're here. Go to her, Jackson. Go to her and just put an end to this nonsense.

Jack: Actually, Opal, I was here to see Greenlee.

Opal: It is a crime against nature that you and Erica are not together. And now, thank the Lord that that Samuel Woods and that horse he rode in on is finally on his way out of Pine Valley.

Jack: Opal, you know I love you, and I really appreciate our friendship. You know that, right?

Opal: Well, you can always count on me. And I will never stop talking you up to Erica.

Jack: Look, please, please, please stop. Actually, you don't have to do that at all.

Opal: Well, of course not. She already knows every wonderful little detail there is to know about you. But you know, sometimes she just has her flighty moments, and she needs a good nudge to bring her back down to earth.

Jack: Opal, listen -- I'm seeing someone, ok? Carmen Morales.

Opal: Now I think I know why you're dating her. It's nicely done. You keep it up and Erica will be good and green.

Jack: No, no, no. That's -- that's not why we're dating.

Opal: Well, I can't -- the part I can't figure out though, Jackson, is why is she going out with you? What is she thinking? Unless -- is she in on this with you? Oh, you are a man with a plan.

Jack: Opal, there is no plan, ok? Listen, just please listen to me and hear this, ok? Carmen and I -- it's a little early, but it is very sincere, and it is very real, ok?

Opal: Well, what about Erica?

Jack: I'm sure Erica will start seeing someone new.

Opal: Do I detect a little glimmer of the green-eyed monster in you, Jackson?

Jack: No, you wonderful woman, you do not. I sincerely hope that Erica will be happy. And the sooner the better, frankly, for everyone.

Dré: Sure you don't want me to stick around?

Colby: Run. Run, and don't look back.

Dré: Carmen was --

Colby: She's awake. She's lucid, kind of. Pete the science dork can look after her. This isn't it for you and me, right?

Dré: It'll never be it.

Erica: Uh, hi.

Colby: Hi, Erica.

Erica: Hi, Colby. Nice to see you. Dré, I -- Dré, I can't tell you how happy I am that all those charges against you were dropped.

Dré: Oh, thanks. Me, too. For me and my dad.

Erica: Oh, and your dad -- your dad is so proud of you for having stepped up in spite of his campaign.

Dré: Um, the day you came down to the police station, uh, it was kind of busy, but I didn't get a chance to say thanks. So thank you. My dad had someone, so that was cool.

Erica: Well, I really was there mostly to help your dad with -- with the media. And Colby, actually, I'm here to see Carmen. Your father's not around torturing her anywhere, is he?

Colby: Not more than usual. But then she got a paper cut, and things got out of hand.

Erica: That's interesting. Ok, I'll, uh -- I'll see myself in.

Colby: Ok. She was married to my dad twice, but I only think one was legal.

Dré: Yeah, you mentioned that. It still doesn't make sense.

Colby: Like I said -- run.

Carmen: Come on, boss. Come swim. The water's fresh and cool and -- oh, Erica!

Erica: Carmen, you're drenched.

Adam: It's, uh, heat stroke.

Colby: Daddy, what did you do to her now?

Adam: I -- I didn't do anything. It was Erica. It's her fault. She forced me to -- to, uh, employ this disaster.

Carmen: I was just so hot.

Erica: Didn't you tell me it was a paper cut?

Colby: It was, I thought.

Erica: Uh, why didn't someone call a doctor?

Carmen: Oh, no, no, no. No doctors. I'm fine. I swear. I'm more than fine. I'll be good, I promise. No more jumping into pools -- unless you want to jump in with me?

Erica: Uh, actually, Carmen, I -- I came here to say, "Happy birthday."

Carmen: You bought me a present?

Adam: Uh, stop that. This is your fault.

Colby: No offense, but I'm -- I'm out of here.

Erica: Oh, great blouse, Colby.

Carmen: You're such a good friend. I love you. And you're such a good boss. I love you, too.

Adam: That's it. She's all yours.

Carmen: This is the best day of my life.

[Carmen cries]

Kendall: Why didn't they call me out back there? I just had a major hissy fit, and you walked away.

Greenlee: We all have hissies sometimes. You're entitled.

Kendall: Wow. Thank you. I mean, I haven't really been getting a lot of understanding lately, so I mean it. Thank you.

Greenlee: You're welcome. I know you're having a tough time. That's what I wanted to say to you before, actually. Not that thing about my dad and the jewelry. I talked to Zach, and we're both worried about you.

Kendall: Great. You and Zach talking about me behind my back. That's super.

Greenlee: No, you know, there's so much drama going on lately, with Annie and her miscarriage, and Ryan and his feelings, and -- and then you and your control-the-world, fix-it mode. Only it's not fixable. Not in the way you want it, anyway. And I -- I don't know if that's what's getting to you, or if it's something else. So here I am.

Kendall: To listen. Well, it's just like you said. I want to fix things and make things better. But then you ripped on me, saying that I wanted Ryan all for myself.

Greenlee: No, no, no, no, no.

Kendall: And then -- and then Zach, he keeps saying that I'm meddling, and -- and I'm getting in everyone else's business, and that I should focus on my own family.

Greenlee: No -- no, that's not what he meant.

Kendall: Things are majorly screwed up between Ryan and Annie and Josh and everything else. But suddenly it's a big damn deal that I want to make things better? Greenlee, back in the old days, you would have been right there with me, banging down doors. And suddenly, you're -- you're this sweet, wonderful Greenlee who thinks the world is made of marshmallows and cotton candy.

Greenlee: I just realized it's ok to let stuff go once in awhile. You can have your own corner of the world and let the rest sort itself out.

Kendall: Ok, Suzie sunshine, I get it, ok? And for the record, I'm fine.

Greenlee: Is that why your veins are pulsing like that?

Kendall: I'm fine.

Greenlee: Liar.

Adam: I will have my men add this to the perfume that Fusion is shipping to the media and the buyers.

Pete: What do you mean, "men"?

Adam: I mean, the men who work for me. I mean the men who deal with this product, which was made for me. You get the common thread here? It's mine.

Pete: This is my creation.

Adam: No, no, no, no.

Pete: Your doofus squad won't know the appropriate "Blast" to "Bella" ratio. They're probably dumb thugs who --

Adam: They've dealt with far more complicated things than this. No, they didn't run or leave this on the front hall table. They didn't send my housekeeper out for a nice dip in the pool, clothing included.

Pete: But I know people at Fusion. I can get in and out.

Adam: You don't have the street smarts of a dead raccoon on the side of the road. Now leave this to the boys. The big boys. They'll do it. Now, let's see. Who would be most discreet? Copen. No, um, Weskovitz.

[As Adam chuckles to himself, Pete grabs his bottle of "Blast" and takes off]

Carmen: You're the best friend I've ever had.

Erica: How has Adam been treating you?

Carmen: He was so kind and helpful with my boo-boo. He is the best boss I've ever had.

Erica: Carmen, have you been drinking?

Carmen: Erica, I swear, it's life, it's my birthday, it's the world smiling down. Can you feel it?

Erica: No, not really.

Carmen: I love it.

Erica: Good.

Carmen: Thank you.

Colby: Hi.

Jack: Colby, nice to see you.

Colby: If I told you to run, would you listen? They're in there. Don't be offended if I don't go with you.

Jack: Ok.

Carmen: Remember those dresses we wore on the run? It was illegal and awful and the best fun I've ever had.

Erica: It's backwards.

Jack: Hey, you. Happy birthday.

Carmen: Jackie! Oh!

Kendall: I need to tell you something.

Greenlee: Does it start with "I'm" and end with "sorry"?

Kendall: Excuse me?

Greenlee: You went off on me for being a friend who cares.

Kendall: No, I went off on you for interfering and butting in.

Greenlee: And I shouldn't do that?

Kendall: No.

Greenlee: Because that's your department.

Kendall: Yes. No. No. What are you doing? Stop. You want to hear this or not? Well, maybe not, because actually, I called you, telling you we had this major crisis, and you never called me back.

Greenlee: Kendall, lately you have a crisis every five minutes.

Kendall: Adam Chandler wants to take over Fusion.

Greenlee: Because he can't live without our lip gloss.

Kendall: No, I mean this. Babe told me that she thinks Adam wants to take over Fusion and that we should watch our backs.

Greenlee: You're serious? He's serious? He can't do that. It's ours.

Kendall: Yeah, well, I don't know. I mean, it doesn't make sense. There's no way that either one of us would sell our shares to Adam, but with Adam Chandler, anything can happen.

Greenlee: Just, I -- I -- I'm trying to process and trying to figure out why you're telling me this right now.

Kendall: Oh, my God. Ok. You see that? Me, me, me. Oh, and look at that -- me. You never called me back. So I had to take care of things my way.

Greenlee: Well, did you beat him silly? Because I'll be a character witness if you get arrested. Swear that he deserved it for attacking our baby.

Kendall: Actually, I did better than that. I asked my mother to get to the bottom of this.

Greenlee: Erica? You should have just taken a match and burned this place down yourself.

Adam: I, uh, have a chemical that I need added to Fusion's -- where is it? Damn it, Pete. If you -- if you've backed out on our deal, I will --

[Phone rings]

Pete: Hello?

Adam: Where are you?

Pete: Doing my job.

Adam: You don't have a job. Where's the product?

Pete: It's called "Blast."

Adam: I hired you. I own the product.

Pete: I'll take care of distribution.

Adam: And I will --

Pete: You'll what? Tell my father? I'm taking care of business, Chandler.

[Phone rings]

Erica: Carmen hasn't completely been herself. Adam mentioned something about heat stroke.

Jack: What's going on here?

Erica: Oh, I'm just quoting Adam. I don't personally suspect heat stroke.

Jack: I'm not talking about Carmen. I'm talking about that birthday present you gave her.

Erica: Oh, well, you'll like it a lot better when she realizes she has to turn it around --

Jack: I don't have an issue with the dress, Erica. My issue is with your motives.

Erica: Well, Jack, whatever do you mean?

Carmen: Sorry I'm late.

Jack: Oh, listen, listen, well worth the wait. You look wonderful.

Carmen: Erica picked it for me.

Jack: Yes, so I hear.

Carmen: My present!

Jack: Yeah, but that can wait.

Carmen: Oh, no, no, no. The bag is so pretty and it's from you.

[Carmen opens her bracelet]

Carmen: Jackie.

Erica: Jackie really outdid himself.

Carmen: Oh. Too bad I already fainted once. I could just faint again right here.

Jack: Let me help you with that.

Carmen: Thank you, Jack.

Jack: You're welcome. And now, we have some reservations, huh?

Carmen: We can drive, or I can just float.

Erica: There's an idea.

Jack: Shall we?

Carmen: Thanks again.

Greenlee: You sicced the queen of egos on the master of schemes. What could possibly go wrong? Except -- hmm, I don't know -- everything.

Kendall: Ok, look. You're all dreamy and in love, and you're no good at conniving right now. So just leave everything to me and my mother.

Greenlee: Does that mean you're not dreamy and in love?

Kendall: Adam Chandler was obsessed with my mother. And that's without her even trying. So just imagine if she actually put some effort into it.

Greenlee: Stand back?

Kendall: Yeah, let Erica Kane do her thing.

Adam: Don't try to be a hero, punk. Call when you get this message.

Erica: Oh!

Adam: Oh.

Erica: Adam, how dare you!

Adam: Oh, I am so sorry. I thought that was Carmen's derriere.

Erica: You did not. You -- you couldn't have.

Adam: Well, maybe I could have.

Erica: No.

[Amanda catches Pete trying to open a box of "Bella" perfume]

Amanda: You are so busted.

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