All My Children Transcript Wednesday 2/20/08
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Provided by Boo
Proofread by Gisele
Erica: This is ridiculous! You can't lock me up -- I'm Erica Kane! Oh, there you are. Oh, thank heavens. Thank you for coming, officer. Officer, there has been such a huge misunderstanding. I'm being held against my will. No, officer? I get a phone call. I -- I am permitted to speak to my lawyer, officer. This is America. I'm innocent. Yeah, I guess that's what you all say -- of course. And I'm sure it applies to you. God, those are cute shoes. They come in black?
Jack: All right, you've got my client locked up in a holding cell. Why don't you tell me, Sam -- who is the public official that she allegedly tried to bribe?
Jack: Of course.
Samuel: Your client seems to think she's above every law. I'm intent on proving different.
Jack: And very publicly, I'm sure, because what's the sense of doing anything unless it's in front of a camera -- right, Sam?
Samuel: Your client is a public person.
Jack: And you're a politician whoring for votes.
Samuel: Be careful.
Jack: You be careful. What you did to Erica -- humiliating her like that? That was despicable.
Samuel: What I did was arrest someone who committed a crime, just like anybody else. And whatever you or Erica make of that -- you know what? That's not my problem.
J.R.: Sure. Why not live dangerously?
Babe: Are you ready?
J.R.: I'm ready.
Babe: And we're clear on the stakes?
J.R.: Why don't you run it by me again?
Babe: We're going to play no-limit Texas hold 'em, and if I win, you agree to be Richie's bone marrow donor.
J.R.: And if I win?
Babe: Huh. You get anything you want.
Kendall: Aidan, what are you doing in here? This is the ladies' room.
Aidan: Greenlee told me about the test.
Kendall: Why can't you just leave me alone?
Aidan: Because it kind of concerns me -- don't you think? The fact that you could be pregnant, and I might be a dad?
Kendall: Well, you're not. The test was negative.
Aidan: Are you sure?
Kendall: Yes, I'm sure. Would you like to see it for yourself?
Aidan: I'm sorry.
Kendall: No, you're not. You're not sorry -- you're relieved, just like I am.
Aidan: I meant that I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, all right?
Kendall: Well, you know what? There's nothing to be sorry about.
Aidan: Yes, there is. Yes, there is.
Greenlee: Am I interrupting something?
Aidan: I saw Kendall come in here, and I thought she might be sick.
Greenlee: Are you? I mean --
Kendall: No. The test was negative.
Greenlee: How do you feel about that? Kendal well, I -- I don't know how I feel about anything right now. I mean, between the fashion show and -- and the book and my mom being arrested, you know --
Greenlee: I know, it's a lot.
Kendall: Yeah, and -- and the timing just wouldn't have been good for a lot of reasons.
Greenlee: Would you give me --
Aidan: Yeah, sure.
Greenlee: Would you excuse me?
Aidan: Of course.
Greenlee: All right, he's gone. What's really going on?
Kendall: Greenlee, I am so sorry.
Greenlee: For what?
J.R.: Does Richie know what you're giving up to save his sorry ass?
Babe: Well, you never would've helped him on your own.
J.R.: How do you know that?
Babe: Huh -- because I was married to you, J.R. You usually don't do anything unless there's something in it for you.
J.R.: Ouch. That's pretty harsh.
Babe: Well, it's true. You hate Richie, so don't even pretend, ok?
J.R.: Clearly, you care deeply for Richie.
Babe: Maybe I just don't like watching another person suffer and die.
J.R.: Yeah. Keep telling yourself that. So, are we going to talk or are we going to play cards?
Babe: It's not too late, J.R., to do the right thing.
J.R.: Which is?
Babe: Agree to be Richie's bone marrow donor -- no strings attached.
J.R.: It's just a lot more fun doing it this way.
Babe: Oh, you are so going down.
Richie: It's kind of quiet here tonight, isn't it?
Nurse: Yeah, the shift change.
Richie: Huh. So, you're all alone, huh?
Nurse: Little old me.
Richie: Hmm. Oh, um -- look, Brenda, I might have just --
Nurse: Oh, it's Bridget.
Richie: Right, right. I'm sorry, I'm a little loopy, darling. It's just this blood transfusion. Um -- anyway, I -- I think I might have left my wallet down at the reception desk, and it's making me a little nervous. Could you go and check and see if it's there for me?
Bridget: I -- I'm not supposed to leave.
Richie: I know, but you know, I'm just so wiped out, and I'd really, really appreciate it.
Bridget: Just don't tell anyone, ok?
Richie: Oh, not a word.
Richie: Ok. Let's put this thing to work. Ah.
[Richie gets on the computer]
Erica: Oh, Jack.
Jack: Thank you.
Erica: Jack? Did you speak with him?
Jack: Yeah, I talked to Woods. He's definitely playing hardball with this.
Erica: Jack, I don't even understand what "this" is.
Jack: First things first, and that would be for me to get you out of here even though you fired me earlier.
Erica: Oh, come on, Jack. You know I didn't mean that. Look, just get me in front of a judge, and I can prove I'm innocent.
Jack: I've already talked to Judge Maier. She's going to hear this bail case a little later tonight.
Erica: Oh, that's fantastic.
Jack: Erica, we have to do this thing my way.
Erica: What do you mean your way?
Jack: I want you to promise me no matter what gets said in that courtroom that you let me do all the talking.
Erica: But, Jack, if the judge can just hear my side of the story --
Jack: No, no, no -- not a word. I'm telling you, not a word or you could end up spending the night with your friend there.
Aidan: Hey, Josh, can I have a whiskey, please, mate?
Josh: You got it.
Aidan: And make it a double.
Zach: I know that look.
Aidan: It's been a long day.
Zach: Yeah, male modeling has really got to take it out of you.
Aidan: It's the first time I've ever walked on a runway. It's going to be my last -- I can guarantee you that.
Zach: A toast -- to trust among men.
Aidan: Ok. Trust among men. Which means?
Zach: It involves you and Kendall.
Greenlee: There you go -- I got it.
Kendall: Oh. I'm sorry.
Greenlee: Stop apologizing. What is wrong with you? It's like you're going to jump out of your skin.
Kendall: I -- I don't know. I don't know, I'm just -- I'm just a wreck.
Greenlee: Stop it. You've got two beautiful children, a husband who worships you, a book tour, co-running Fusion. I mean -- and you're thin and gorgeous.
Kendall: You mean stop complaining, right?
Greenlee: Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you feel bad, what are the rest of us going to do?
Kendall: I do love you, Greenlee.
Bailiff: All rise. The Honorable Judge Maier presiding.
Judge: Mr. Montgomery, I was just sitting down to read my son a bedtime story when I was called into court. My son doesn't sleep well without his bedtime story, so I warn you -- I'm not in the best of moods.
Jack: We appreciate your time and your sacrifice, your honor. In all fairness, I didn't think there was any reason for my client to spend the night in jail.
Judge: I'll make that call. In the case of the United States vs. Erica Kane, what are the charges?
Samuel: One count of insider trading, one count of attempting to bribe a public official of the United States government.
Judge: That would be you, Mr. Woods?
Samuel: Yes, your honor, and I'll be prosecuting the case.
Judge: Ms. Kane? Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Babe: I'll call.
J.R.: You call that a bet?
Babe: Uh -- you know what -- you're right. Besides, I'm going to be getting it all back by the end of the hand anyway, so --
J.R.: Oh. Ok, so I will see you and raise you 2.
Babe: Oh. I'll call, and I'll raise you 5 more.
J.R.: I'll see your 5, and I'll raise you 10.
Babe: I am all in, I am all in.
J.R.: Wait, what do you got?
Babe: Uh-uh -- no. You're going to have to pay up to find out.
J.R.: I'm out.
J.R.: Wait --
Babe: Come to Mama, girls!
J.R.: Let me see your card
Babe: That's right -- no, I don't have to show you. No, but I will anyway.
J.R.: You were bluffing.
Babe: Yep, and you fell for it which means all this loot is mine
J.R.: Which reminds me -- why are we playing with blocks?
Babe: What, are you afraid I'm going to take you for all you've got or something?
J.R.: No, actually, I was thinking we'd be playing with something a little more interesting, you know, than just blocks.
Babe: Ok, I'll bite -- if not blocks, then what are we going to use for collateral?
J.R.: Our clothes. For every hand I win, you have to take something off.
Babe: Why not? I haven't had a naked man in my house in a long time. I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Richie: Ok -- come on. Come on. Yes! Ok, let's see who's going to save old Richard's life.
Richie: J.R. Chandler -- Junior? Oh. Oh, huh, huh, huh.
Bridget: I couldn't find your wallet.
Richie: Oh, you know, I'm sorry. I --
Richie: Must've dropped it on the floor. Anyway, I should get going. Ahem.
Bridget: Oh, I thought you weren't feeling well.
Richie: Well, it passed. I'll call you.
[Music plays at ConFusion]
Aidan: What about me and Kendall?
Singer: I want to know
Zach: You've been a good friend to me. I was in that bunker for, what, five, six weeks and you kept Kendall safe. And up on the falls with Hannah -- I mean, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, wouldn't be around to kiss my wife and my kids.
Aidan: That debt's been paid, Zach.
Zach: I don't think it has.
Aidan: No, seriously, it has.
Singer: And I know that you want me, too
Aidan: You don't owe me. If anybody owes anybody something, I owe you for keeping Greenlee alive and for keeping her safe, so why don't we make a toast -- to our beautiful women, eh?
Singer: The stars are up to no good tonight
Zach: I got to ask you a favor.
Singer: The stars are up to no good
Aidan: What's that?
Zach: You know, Kendall's got this book tour coming up, and I can't be there for all of it.
Zach: Ok, so I want you to go in my place. It'd be a job -- I'd pay you.
Aidan: I couldn't, Zach.
Zach: Mean a lot to me.
Singer: Oh, just in time
Zach: Ryan out there, lost his memory, now he's obsessed with Kendall? I don't know -- I don't want her out there on her own. I want someone with her that I can trust, someone that I can trust with my wife. So I'm asking you.
Singer: Might be tonight so get it
Babe: Read 'em and weep, big boy. [Babe chuckles]
J.R.: Damn it.
Babe: Yep, that's right -- take it off. Oh, oh -- and do it slow.
J.R.: You're enjoying this entirely too much, aren't you?
Babe: What can I say? Winning is fun.
J.R.: Now, just so I know, do socks count as one or two items?
Babe: Oh, heck, I'll throw you a bone. We'll count them as two.
J.R.: You know, you've been pretty lucky so far --
J.R.: But don't push it.
Babe: Huh. That's funny, because I'm not the one who's going topless.
J.R.: Not yet.
Erica: Jack, are you sure? All right, all right.
Jack: Ahem. Your honor, we've barely had time to assess the claims that Mr. Woods has made against Ms. Kane. So in lieu of formal evidence and in order to get you me to your family, I would request a bail summary, so that we might set the bond and all of us go home.
Judge: I'll consider that.
Jack: And if I may also add, Ms. Kane is a pillar of the community. She has a business established here for many years and, in fact, two of her children still live in Pine Valley, so she's clearly no flight risk.
Judge: Mr. Woods? Any objections?
Erica: Your honor, if I may --
Erica: I am not the kind of person who runs from a fight. But I also haven't done anything illegal.
Samuel: Your honor, I assure you these charges are valid.
Erica: And you are a pompous, arrogant, contemptible fraud who is trying to use my name to get your face on the 6:00 news.
Erica: Do you know, your honor, that this man came to my studio and -- and walked on to my talk show under the pretense of giving some bogus speech that was all about fairness and decency and then staged this entire arrest? This was all a setup.
Judge: That will be quite enough.
Jack: I apologize for my client, your honor.
Jack: Come here.
Erica: And why should you apologize, Jack? Everything I said was true.
Judge: One more word, Ms. Kane, and I will charge you with contempt. Now, the issue at hand is bail. Once again, Mr. Woods, do you have any objections?
Samuel: Your honor, despite Ms. Kane's obvious contempt for the United States and its representatives, we agree that she's not a flight risk, and we do not object to bail. We request that the sum be set at a level fitting to her crime and her personal wealth.
Jack: Your honor, with all due respect, court sets the bail, not opposing counsel, and may I remind you these crimes are alleged?
Samuel: My apologies.
Erica: Oh, I bet.
Jack: What do I have to do?
Erica: I'm sorry.
Jack: Just --
Erica: No, really, I won't -- I won't say another word.
Judge: Bail is set at $1 million.
Jack: Thank you, your honor.
Judge: You can arrange payment with the clerk. This hearing is adjourned.
J.R.: That's a whole lot of skin you got showing.
Babe: Yeah, well, you're the one in nothing but your shorts. Besides, you just got lucky with your third ace on the river.
J.R.: Yeah, that's me --
J.R.: So, what about the other one?
Babe: If I lose another hand, that one comes off, too.
J.R.: Oh, no, don't even think that you're going to be using that garter as another item.
Babe: Oh, shut up and deal.
Aidan: You really think Ryan is a -- is a threat to Kendall?
Zach: I don't want to take a chance.
Aidan: And how do you think Kendall's going to react to this idea?
Zach: I think she's going to hate it. But it's either going to be you or someone she doesn't know. Well, now I would rather it be you.
Aidan: I don't know, Zach.
Zach: Talk to Tad, think it over. But I really would appreciate it -- unless, of course, there's another reason you don't want to do it.
Aidan: No. No, there is no other reason.
Aidan: Only until you sort this business out with Ryan, all right?
Zach: All right.
Singer: Take it off, oh, take it off
J.R.: This is it -- moment of truth.
Babe: Are you stalling because you know you're going to lose? Ha-ha.
J.R.: No, I'm just giving you a chance to work up some nerves, because you're going to be buck naked in a few seconds.
Babe: Or you'll be saving Richie's life.
J.R.: You realize I can't back out -- because the prize is just too tempting.
Babe: Oh, I know, I know, I know because if you win, you get --
J.R.: Anything I want.
Babe: Anything you want, that's right and -- and what exactly is that, J.R.?
J.R.: I don't know. You're just going to have to wait and find out.
Babe: I think I have a few ideas.
J.R.: I bet you do.
J.R.: Which brings me to the question -- why did we split up again?
Babe: Oh -- too many reasons to count. Stop stalling.
J.R.: I called you. Put the cards down.
Babe: Oh, well, just get ready to experience some serious humiliation. Drop them, cowboy.
J.R.: Not so fast. One, two, three, four 10s -- imagine that.
Babe: Well, that is impossible.
J.R.: Apparently not. Now, you going to need some help with those panties? Or can you handle them yourself?
Kendall: Ok. How's my eyeliner?
Kendall: Thanks. Ok. I think I am ready to go.
Greenlee: I'm not -- I need some lip-gloss. Do you have Fusion spice?
Kendall: I think so. There you go. Um -- can I ask a favor before we go out there?
Kendall: Zach doesn't know anything about the whole pregnancy thing, and I don't want to tell him.
Zach: You pregnant? Somebody say something.
Greenlee: I'm going to give you guys some privacy.
Kendall: You know what? We really shouldn't do this in here.
Zach: What'd I just walk in on?
Kendall: You know how I've been sick lately? Well, I thought that I might be pregnant, so I -- I took a test, and it turned out negative.
Zach: Why didn't you tell me?
Kendall: I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Zach: You didn't think another baby's a big deal?
Kendall: No, no, of course, I do. But there's just been so much going on with -- with Ryan and the show. Can we just talk about this at home, please?
Erica: Oh, what, you didn't find my hand grenades? Must've left them at home.
Samuel: For what it's worth, I'm glad you didn't have to spend the night in jail.
Erica: It's worth nothing. And you, Mr. Woods, have made one very powerful enemy.
Samuel: I'm just doing my job.
Erica: And what job is that, Mr. Woods? Running for office? Now I understand why the polls show that politicians are less popular than serial killers. You fit right in.
Samuel: You're taking this way, way, way too personally.
Erica: Oh, I haven't begun to show you just how personally I can take this, Mr. Woods. Before I'm finished dealing with you, there'll be heel marks on your forehead.
Samuel: Good night, Erica. Jack.
Erica: He's serious, isn't -- he wants to put me in jail.
Jack: I'm not going to let that happen.
Erica: Now I have to deal with the press. Well, is this night never going to end?
Jack: Erica, I've already arranged for us to be taken out the back way.
Erica: Oh. Thank you but, no, I still have to go to my hotel room, the paparazzi are going to be there. They're going to be perched outside the Valley Inn like vultures.
Jack: Which is why I'm taking you home with me tonight.
Babe: I still can't believe I lost.
J.R.: Well, you played a good game.
Babe: Oh, I just feel bad for Richie, you know, like I let him down.
J.R.: Look, it's more than most people would do for that -- anyway.
Babe: So, have you decided on your prize yet?
J.R.: Not yet. But I have a surprise for you.
Babe: Uh-huh, I knew it -- you cheated.
J.R.: What? No, I actually won fair and square this time.
Babe: Well, then what's the surprise?
J.R.: I knew about being a match for Richie before you asked me to play. I was already planning on being his donor.
Babe: I don't understand.
J.R.: What? That I can't have feelings for a human being? Look, Babe, I don't want to sit back and watch a guy die, not even Richie.
Babe: You really mean that?
J.R.: Why would I lie now?
Babe: Uh, but -- but the game? I mean, why even play the game?
J.R.: Because I like games. So do you.
Babe: So, is this what you wanted for your prize?
J.R.: It's what we both wanted.
[Knock on door]
Richie: Oh -- come in. Well, it's about time you guys got here. I got work for you to do.
Zach: So what I'm trying to understand is -- why you'd want to hide the fact that you might be pregnant from me. I'm your husband, best friend. Did that ever work for us, Kendall? Keeping secrets? Did that ever work for you or me?
Kendall: You're right. I should have told you as soon as I suspected I was pregnant. But if it were up to me, no one would've ever known.
Zach: That's a pretty big load to carry all by yourself.
Kendall: Well, we've had enough surprises to last a lifetime. And I didn't want you to get your hopes up unless I was sure.
Zach: You disappointed?
Kendall: Honestly? I'm relieved. I mean, I've barely had enough time to get to know Ian. I think it's too early for another baby.
Zach: I don't disagree with you. I just don't want us going back to that place where we were hiding things from each other. We should share everything, whatever it may be.
Kendall: I know. I -- I agree with you. I love you -- you know that. You know that.
Zach: So -- is this where we have makeup sex?
Zach: Yeah? It is?
Kendall: You want to?
Zach: Why not?
Kendall: Here on our favorite place?
Kendall: The couch?
Zach: Let's lie down.
Aidan: Ah! We're home.
Aidan: Ah. I do remember you saying something about a James Bond fantasy?
Aidan: Yeah. Call me "Devane" -- Aidan Devane.
Greenlee: Get down here and show me your secret service weapon.
Erica: I see you did the room over.
Erica: Been a long time since I slept in this bed.
Jack: Yep. Listen, hopefully you'll -- you'll get a good night's sleep. I'll be in the guest room.
Erica: Thank you, Jack.
Jack: I had Coral drop some clothes in there, but if you need anything else --
Erica: No, I won't.
Jack: Good night, then.
Jack: What is it?
Erica: We are going to beat this, aren't we?
Jack: Of course, we are. You sleep tight.
[Music plays as Babe and J.R. make love]
Singer: She has come to understand me and offer me redemption from the secrets in my soul, but lately I have come to be addicted to the sunshine in her smile and the way she makes me whole, and now I thank my lucky stars each night, because they're the only reason I can't see why a beautiful woman like you could ever love a man like me yes, why a beautiful woman like you could ever love a man like me
Erica: Not guilty. I'm not guilty.
Jack's voice: Erica Kane, you are sentenced to three life terms to be served consecutively.
Erica: But I'm innocent. Why would I have to steal? I built an empire with my two hands.
Jack: That's no excuse. Now, this sentence stands as rendered.
Samuel: Your honor, I object. The United States withdraws all charges. The truth is I did this to -- to get Erica Kane's attention.
Samuel: Erica is innocent of all charges.
Jack: I'm genuinely confused.
Samuel: I am so sorry if I hurt you -- I was such a fool.
Erica: I knew you wanted me from the minute you walked into my studio.
Samuel: I did. I want you more than anything.
Jack: Order, order.
[Jack pounds gavel]
Jack: I demand order in this courtroom -- order! [Echoes]
Zach: Look who's up. Big breakfast for a big day.
Kendall: That's right. Today Spike is getting his cochlear implant.
Zach: Mm-hmm, good morning.
Kendall: Good morning.
Zach: And our son will finally be able to hear again.
Kendall: Yeah. I'll go get him ready.
Zach: I got it covered -- drink your juice.
Zach: Uh-oh. It's your other significant other.
Kendall: Oh. Hey.
Greenlee: Hey. I just wanted to wish you luck with Spike today.
Kendall: Thanks. So, are you getting ready to go to the office?
Greenlee: Actually, I'm waiting for Aidan to wake up. Last night, he was on fire. I was hoping for seconds.
Kendall: Ugh. Too much information -- please.
Greenlee: I don't know what happened to Aidan at that party, but it was like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders.
Kendall: Well, I'm happy for you, Greenlee.
Greenlee: Call me after you've seen the audiologist with Spike.
Kendall: I will. Bye.
Zach: You haven't touched your breakfast.
Kendall: I will. So, did you get any news about my mom?
Zach: Same as last night. Jackson bailed her out, and she's staying with him to avoid the press.
Zach: Hmm -- I know what I forgot. Aidan's going to be looking after you on your new book tour.
Kendall: Wh-- what?
Zach: Well, Ryan's not getting any better, and I'm a little concerned about it.
Kendall: No. Zach, Ryan isn't going to hurt me. I don't -- I don't need a bodyguard.
Zach: I think you do.
Kendall: No -- Zach, I don't.
Zach: Kendall, please, please. You could put my mind at ease.
Kendall: Ok, but why Aidan?
Zach: I trust him.
[Knock on door]
Erica: Come in.
Jack: You're up, I see.
Erica: Oh, for hours already.
Jack: Listen, I was wondering how you wanted to handle these.
Erica: Yeah -- oh. How bad are they?
Jack: Well, I think I know what the hot topic's going to be on "The View."
Erica: Well, the press is going to be eating their words by tomorrow, because I'm innocent and -- and nothing anyone says can change that.
Jack: Then I'll just toss these.
Erica: No, no, no. I mean, on second thought, I should look at them. I bet I look stunning.
Erica: Not even handcuffs can ruin that dress.
J.R.: What are you doing out of bed?
Babe: Oh. I was just going to give Richie the good news.
J.R.: Enough about Richie.
[J.R. hangs up]
J.R.: He's going to know soon enough.
Babe: Yes, because of my very generous ex-husband.
J.R.: Oh -- so now I'm generous.
Babe: You're doing the right thing.
J.R.: Yeah. I'm a Boy Scout.
J.R.: Look, Richie can sweat it out for a few more minutes. Right now, I have a little something else in mind.
Babe: Oh, do you?
J.R.: I do.
Richie: This is the guy you're looking for. His name's J.R. Chandler, he's a real pretty boy. He's got hair like Tarzan. He'll be easy to spot. And believe me, he'll be even easier to handle, because he can't put up much of a fight.
Man: After we grab him, then what?
Richie: Well, I need him alive. You see, J.R. and I are going to go on a little trip. And without him, I'll be a dead man. But once I get J.R.'s bone marrow, all bets are off.
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Greenlee (to Aidan): Spike's getting his cochlear implants turned on today.
Woman (to Zach): Why don't we let Spike's father do the honors?
Frankie (to Tad): My mom is missing. Something's not right.
Jesse (to Angie): Someone's outside.
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